120 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
120 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
YOU HACK 'EM, WE HUMP 'EM
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or
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Why YOU Should Be a Software Courier
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by Dixie Flatline
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-=EMC=-/®VD¯/UltraTech Courier
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Hey, Binkie, yer sittin' there with a shit-eating grin on
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your yawp and that brand-new HST from the Pieman dangling from
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your com port. Only trouble is, you just logged onto Filez 'R' Us
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and have the wrong end of a 3-to-1 transfer ratio staring you
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right in the face -- and you ain't got dick-primary in new warez
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you can upload at the moment.
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Sounds like _you_ need to become a courier for a cracking
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group. "Jeez, I dunno, Dix. Sounds like a lotta hard work," you
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say. Well f*ck, man, LIFE's hard work at times. You probably
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tore out your hair by the fistfuls trying to get that first modem
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and Procomm to work back in the dark ages -- and now you've got a
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half-meg Ymodem-G transfer whistling away at 14.4 kilobaud. The
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hard work's behind you!
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9 REASONS WHY _YOU_ SHOULD BE HUMPING WAREZ
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9) f*ck the software companies!
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8) You get first crack (pun intended) at the newest programs.
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7) f*ck the software companies!
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6) You have a compelling reason to upload! (Great for leeches
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like me.)
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5) f*ck the software companies!
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4) You can kiss many file ratios goodbye. Good couriers usually
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get exempt status on the "home base" boards; you will
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_definitely_ wind up with some bodacious upload credit on the
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boards you hump to on a regular basis.
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3) f*ck the software companies!
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2) When you're a courier, women will pull up their skirts and ask
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you to play doctor. (Unless you're a female courier, in which
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case change gender to "women," clothing to "pants," and
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direction to "down.")
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[Needless to say, this is just wishful thinking on my part.
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In the six months or so I've been schleppin' bytes, I have yet
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to be woken up at three AM by Mariah Carey pounding on the
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door and screaming, "Let me in, you bastard, before I come all
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over your doorknob!"]
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1) f*ck the software companies!
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THE BASIC TOOLS:
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1) US Robotics Courier HST modem. (Aptly named, you noticed.)
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It's not brutally expensive, it's faster than prunes through a
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duck, and 95% of the pirate boards out there are running it
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(or its rich-bitch cousin, the Dual Standard), so maximum
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throughput is, like, in the ag-bay.
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2) Your favorite flavor of comm software, preferably one that
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supports both Zmodem and Ymodem-G batch-fers. (And if it
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doesn't, well...that's why God invented Chuck Forsberg!)
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3) A second job. (Those LD charges can add up!)
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WHAT MAKES A GOOD WAREZ RUNNER?
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1) Call the "home base" BBS _daily_. Make it the first thing you
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do (in conjunction with that first, kick-start-the-brain cup
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of java, of course), or the last thing (Letterman boring?
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Fire up Qmodem!). That's the only way you can catch the new
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releases -- you know, the ones that are SO new the ZIP
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comment's still damp...
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2) PRIORITIZE. Some distribution boards will give you a list of
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subsidiary BBS's that need the new stuff ASAP. After that,
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throw it up wherever they've got the hard disk space. But get
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it to the assigned boards FIRST!
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3) Keep track of your work. Right from the start, I began keeping
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stats on which boards get what warez -- as well as any boards
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that had it already. (This refers both to couriers for rival
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groups, when two or more groups release the same program
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simultaneously, and casual cross-pollinators -- what I refer
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to as "the amateurz.") Periodically upload your stat reports
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to "home base," just to prove that you're really doing
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something with all the shit you're leeching in the name of
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"couriering!" It's one thing to brag about all the boards
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you're getting the warez to, but when it's down there in black
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and white (or the ASCII equivalent thereof)...well, you know
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what they say about the vocal abilities of money, and the
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ambulatory powers of bullshit.
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SO HOW DO I GET IN ON THE GOOD LIFE?
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Basically, keep your ears and eyes open. Major groups
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such as INC and The Humble Guys have periodic recruiting drives
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for new couriers. Alternately, new groups pop up every so often,
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and they'd LOVE to have someone tote their latest bales for 'em.
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(Me, I lucked out by being in the right place at the right time
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when -=EMC=-, ®VD¯, and UltraTech were first looking for runners.
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Hey, it could happen to you!)
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Special thanks to SlaveLord @ UltraTech BBS, Bearman @ Vortex,
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Father Time @ Inner City, Captain Tom @ Twin Peaks, and all the
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other sysops who bore with me when I f*cked something up.
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Remember, the shortest distance between two BBS's is a Flat Line!
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
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Salted Slug Systems Strange 408-454-9368
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
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Tomorrow's 0rder of Magnitude Finger_Man 408-961-9315
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My Dog Bit Jesus Suzanne D'Fault 510-658-8078
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Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
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arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
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insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
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Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
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where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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