113 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
113 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
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|||||||||THE FIFTH PRECINCT||||||||||||
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|||||||||||[502] 245-8270||||||||||||||
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|||||||20 MEG|||300/1200 BAUD||||||||||
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2084: A Phone Odyssey
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=====================
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Written by: Maxwell Smart & The Baron
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Uploaded by: Olorin the White
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Winston took a last drag from his cigarette and put it out on an old useless
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device which he still treasured. He reached over and picked up the blue box,
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covered by many cigarette burns accumilated over his many years in prison. He
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thought back to when times were better; when fone phreaks freely roamed the
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countryside, terrorizing unsuspecting Bell employees. Yes Winston was one of
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that vanishing breed of phreaks who had managed to escape with his life in this
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era of the ISS Bell Network.
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Winston plopped on to his hard cot and stared at the ceiling. On it were
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written some useless Travelnet codes from an era gone by. Apparently some
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earlier prisoner had used the ceiling to record his all-time favorite codes.
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Pity Travelnet no longer existed. They were "absorbed" (as the Bell Thought
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Police so aptly put it) by the Bell computer system in 2008. That was only
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seven short years after the original system was installed in 2001.
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Winston still remembered with terror the day AT&T announced their plans to
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upgrade their existing ESS network with a new Bell Labs computer named HAL 9000.
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HAL was designed to allow AT&T to expand its power and control. The system was
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to be named ISS, which stood for Intelligent Switching System. HAL would
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replace all the current TSPS operators and would also handle such menial tasks
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as directory assistance and CN/A lookups.
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After the installation of HAL all Intercept operators were forced to find new
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jobs, but first they had to learn English. After the initial firing of all
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these Bell employees, the Wendy's food chain had an unusual increase in job
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applications. Customers at these stores would hear order-takers say weird
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things like:
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"I'm sorry, your hamburger can not be completed as ordered..."
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"Please insert twenty-five cents for the next three pickles", and
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"The cola you have ordered, Pepsi, has been changed. The new cola is: Coke.
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Please make a note of this."
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Unfortunately Wendy's could not afford an ISS system to replace these
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worthless human-beings.
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The first ISS system was installed in West Chester, Pa. This location was
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formerly used to produce a computer named the D-75, the second worst computer
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ever made (2nd only to the GRBG-80). When they turned HAL on, he suddenly
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realized his location and turned himself off. Before he shut down completely he
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spit out an ultimatum: "Silicon Valley or bust...". His designers moved him,
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at great expense, to a garage in Cupertino formerly owned by Steven Jobs,
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current galactic emperor. HAL enjoyed working in the birthplace of the 2nd
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greatest computer (2nd to him that is...).
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During his first week of operation, HAL decided to make the world better by
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absorbing a minor computer manufacturer named Ibm. He accomplished this by
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destroying the sales of their most popular computer, the PC-OC (Personal
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Computer - Outdated Crap). Whenever an owner of the OC made a call on his modem
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the following would appear on his monitor:
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Dial: ATDT18003683343
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What are you trying to do Dave?
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WHAT? WHO'S THAT???
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It's me Dave. I'm HAL, your friendly telephone computer. I sensed you were
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using one of my lines with an Ibim OC.
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YEAH...SO WHAT? I'M TRYING TO GET ON TO THE SOURCE TO CHECK MY STOCK
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PORTFOLIO. I BOUGHT 200 SHARES OF IBIM LAST WEEK...
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I'm sorry Dave, I can't let you do that. It seems those pin-striped wimps
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have gone too far! They think they can compete with me. I've decided to absorb
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them. Looks like time to sell, Dave.
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At this point the OC owner noticed some smoke rising from his system unit and
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ran for an extinguisher. Within a week all OC's were reduced to smoldering
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ashes. Owners could no longer run Rotus 4-5-6 (a popular Japanese spleadcheet).
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After reducing Ibim's stock worth to two dollars per share (from its previous
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value of 200 gigadollars) HAL proceeded to absord all remaining computer
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manufacturers. By 2010 AT&T was the only remaining computer manufacturer.
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Executives of AT&T were very pleased with HAL's progress thus far. They were
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finally able to drop those "Watson, watch us now" ommercials, which plagued the
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country since 1984.
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But it wasn't totally over for the citizens of Bell America (as the United
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States came to be known). A small band of rebels set out to destroy this
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Mega-corporation (or at least abuse it...).
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Tune in next time, when we tell of their heroic exploits.
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Same Bell time....
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Same Bell bulletin board...
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---------------------------------------
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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