334 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
334 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
SEPARATION FROM FAMILY
|
|
|
|
|
|
While the family which is imbued with God's love can realize one of
|
|
the great purposes of life, and it is indeed a joy to be a member of such
|
|
a family, oftentimes the person who is called to follow a spiritual call-
|
|
ing finds attachment to family and relations a hindrance on the path. The
|
|
members of his family may not understand his passion for the spiritual
|
|
life. They may not respect his lack of concern for material wealth and
|
|
worldly success--which they take as the all-important values--as he
|
|
pursues what he regards as a higher purpose. Hence they may come to
|
|
oppose him and seek to tempt him away from the religious life.
|
|
|
|
The passages given below describe this most painful struggle be-
|
|
tween the aspirant and the possessive and ignorant members of his family.
|
|
He is commanded to love God and his religious teacher more than his father
|
|
and mother and brothers and sisters. He is warned to beware of other
|
|
family members who would betray his trust and tempt him into sin. Entry
|
|
into the religious life may even require the aspirant to leave his family,
|
|
divorce his wife, and abandon his children and property. Some scriptures
|
|
describe family ties as attachments, which partake of illusion and which
|
|
are to be overcome in order to achieve tranquillity, enlightenment, and
|
|
union with God.
|
|
|
|
To reject one's family is an extreme position, and several more
|
|
moderate courses are suggested in the last group of texts. Believers may
|
|
constitute new families which are devoted to God. Or they may find a way
|
|
to live within families yet maintain a detached perspective, "in the world
|
|
yet not of the world." This latter position will be treated further in
|
|
the next section.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth; I have come not to
|
|
bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his
|
|
father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against
|
|
her mother-in-law; and a man's foes will be those of his own household.
|
|
He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who
|
|
loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
|
|
|
|
Christianity. Matthew 10.34-37
|
|
|
|
|
|
O believers, take not your fathers and brothers to be your friends, if
|
|
they prefer unbelief to belief; whosoever of you takes them for friends,
|
|
those--they are the evildoers.
|
|
|
|
Say, "If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your clan,
|
|
your possessions that you have gained, commerce you fear may slacken,
|
|
dwellings you love--if these are dearer to you than God and His Messenger,
|
|
and to struggle in His way, then wait till God brings His command: God
|
|
guides not the people of the ungodly."
|
|
|
|
Islam. Qur'an 9.23-24
|
|
|
|
|
|
You who believe! Among your wives and your children there are enemies for
|
|
you; therefore beware of them.... Your wealth and your children are only
|
|
a temptation, whereas God, with Him is an immense reward.
|
|
|
|
Islam. Qur'an 64.14-15
|
|
|
|
|
|
Put no trust in a neighbor,
|
|
have no confidence in a friend;
|
|
guard the doors of your mouth
|
|
from her who lies in your bosom;
|
|
for the son treats the father with contempt,
|
|
the daughter rises up against her mother,
|
|
the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
|
|
a man's enemies are the men of his own house.
|
|
But as for me, I will look to the Lord,
|
|
I will wait for the God of my salvation;
|
|
my God will hear me.
|
|
|
|
Judaism and Christianity. Micah 7.5-7
|
|
|
|
|
|
The thin skin that covers the stomach
|
|
Does not allow us to see the interior of a treacherous person.
|
|
Keep your secret to yourself; never share it with any man.
|
|
There's no honest man nowadays,
|
|
All people are now deceitful.
|
|
The person we asked to help us rub our back with a sponge,
|
|
Added thorns to the sponge in his hand.
|
|
The person we asked to help us blow dust from our eyes,
|
|
First put some pepper in his mouth.
|
|
The man on whose generosity we rested assured
|
|
To obtain and enjoy sweet oranges,
|
|
Gave us sour oranges to suck.
|
|
The man we wished to confide in,
|
|
|
|
Turned out to be a garrulous person.
|
|
When people make themselves your close associates,
|
|
Be cautious; confide only in yourself.
|
|
Only in yourself.
|
|
|
|
African Traditional Religions. Yoruba Song (Nigeria)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Now the Lord said to Abram, "Go from your country and your kindred and
|
|
your father's house to the land that I will show you..."
|
|
|
|
Judaism and Christianity. Genesis 12.1
|
|
|
|
|
|
Every one who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother
|
|
or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold, and
|
|
inherit eternal life.
|
|
|
|
Christianity. Matthew 19.29
|
|
|
|
|
|
He who forsakes his home in the cause of God, finds in the earth many a
|
|
refuge, wide and spacious; should he die as a refugee from home for God
|
|
and His Apostle, his reward becomes due and sure with God: and God is
|
|
Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.
|
|
|
|
Islam. Qur'an 4.100
|
|
|
|
|
|
In awe of my lord's command,
|
|
I skirt the coastal borders and
|
|
Traverse the plain of the sea,
|
|
--Leaving father and mother behind.
|
|
|
|
Shinto. Man'yoshu XX
|
|
|
|
|
|
One day she who was formerly the mate of the venerable Sangamaji came
|
|
towards him, drew near and said, "Recluse, support me with our little
|
|
child." At these words the venerable Sangamaji was silent. So a second
|
|
time and yet a third time his former wife repeated her words, and still
|
|
the venerable Sangamaji was silent. Thereupon she set down the child in
|
|
front of him and went away, saying, "Here is your child, recluse! Support
|
|
him!" But the venerable Sangamaji neither looked at the child nor spoke
|
|
to him. When from a distance she saw this, she thought to herself, "This
|
|
recluse needs not even his own child." So she turned back, took up the
|
|
child and went away.
|
|
|
|
Buddhism. Udana 5-6
|
|
|
|
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
Qur'an 4.100: The Companions of Muhammad had to leave their homes and families
|
|
in the face of persecution, particularly in the emigration (hejrat) from Mecca
|
|
to Medina. Udana 5-6: Cf. Vinaya Pitaka i.43, p. 605.
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
|
|
|
|
How could I be diligent, good Shariputta, when there are my parents to
|
|
support, my wife and children to support, my slaves, servants and work-
|
|
people to support, when there are services to perform for friends and
|
|
acquaintances, services to perform for kith and kin, services to perform
|
|
for guests, rites to perform for the ancestors, rites to perform for the
|
|
gods, duties to perform for the king--and this body too must be satisfied
|
|
and looked after!
|
|
|
|
What do you think, Dhananjani? Suppose someone failed to live the holy
|
|
life because of his parents [and so on]; because of this failure... the
|
|
guardians of Niraya hell might drag him off to their hell. Would he gain
|
|
anything by saying, "I failed to live the holy life because of my parents
|
|
[and so forth]?"
|
|
|
|
Buddhism. Majjhima Nikaya ii.186-87
|
|
|
|
|
|
We have instructed man to treat his parents kindly. Yet if they should
|
|
strive to make you associate anything with Me which you have no knowledge
|
|
of, do not obey them.
|
|
|
|
Islam. Qur'an 29.8
|
|
|
|
|
|
If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and
|
|
wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he
|
|
cannot be my disciple.
|
|
|
|
Christianity. Luke 14.26
|
|
|
|
|
|
>From concern with family, all the concerns of life, arise attachment.
|
|
Discard attachment from which arises doings that are totally evil.
|
|
Brother! discard your detachment and illusion--
|
|
Then will the holy Name in your heart and body disport.
|
|
|
|
Sikhism. Adi Granth, Asa M.1, p. 356
|
|
|
|
|
|
Free from selfish attachment, they do not get compulsively entangled even
|
|
in home and family. They are even-minded through good fortune and bad.
|
|
Their devotion to me is undivided. Enjoying solitude and not following
|
|
the crowd, they seek only me. This is true knowledge, to seek the Self as
|
|
the true end of wisdom always. To seek anything else is ignorance.
|
|
|
|
Hinduism. Bhagavad Gita 13.9-11
|
|
|
|
|
|
If a man does anything for the sake of his happiness in another world, to
|
|
the detriment of those whom he is bound to maintain, that produces evil
|
|
results for him, both while he lives and when he is dead.
|
|
|
|
Hinduism. Laws of Manu 11.10
|
|
|
|
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
Majjhima Nikaya ii.186-87: Cf. 1 Corinthians 7.32-35, p. 948. Luke 14.26: In
|
|
this hard saying, the injunction to hate one's parents is understood in the
|
|
same way as to hate one's own life: it is a matter of hating any ties and
|
|
attachments which have become fetters to the disciple's devotion to God and
|
|
Christ and his will. Cf. Sun Myung Moon, 4-3-83, p. 898. Bhagavad Gita
|
|
13.9-11: Cf. Kularnava Tantra 2, p. 879. Laws of Manu 11.10: This is a typical
|
|
expression of ambivalence about the path of the shramana. Cf. Mahabharata
|
|
1.220, p. 950.
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have always been solitary; I belong to none else; I behold no one whom I
|
|
can say I belong to nor do I behold one whom I can designate as mine. The
|
|
path of worldliness is nothing but disaster. Who, whose, and where are
|
|
one's kith and kin? Who, whose, and where are strangers, all going round
|
|
in cycles of birth and death? At times, the kith and kin become strang-
|
|
ers, and vice versa. Ponder thus, "I am all alone. Nobody was mine in
|
|
the past, nor will ever be in the future. It is because of my karmas that
|
|
I delude myself and consider others as mine. The truth is that I was
|
|
alone in the past and will ever be all alone."
|
|
|
|
Jainism. Acarangasutra 4.32
|
|
|
|
|
|
He who is kind toward much-beloved friends loses his own good from his
|
|
mind, becoming partial; observing such danger in friendship, let one walk
|
|
alone like a rhinoceros.
|
|
|
|
As a spreading bush of bamboo is entangled in various ways, so is the
|
|
longing for children and wives: not clinging to these, even like a bamboo
|
|
just sprouting forth, let one walk alone like a rhinoceros....
|
|
|
|
If one lives in the midst of company, love of amusement and desire arises;
|
|
strong attachment for children arises; let therefore one who dislikes
|
|
separation, which must happen sooner or later from these beloved, walk
|
|
alone like a rhinoceros....
|
|
|
|
Having abandoned the different kinds of desire, founded on child, wife,
|
|
father, mother, wealth, corn, relations, let one walk alone like a
|
|
rhinoceros.
|
|
|
|
Let a wise man, having discovered that such is attachment, that there is
|
|
in it but little happiness, that it is but insipid, that there is more
|
|
affliction in it than comfort, that it is a fishhook, walk alone like a
|
|
rhinoceros.
|
|
|
|
Having cast off the bonds, like a fish which breaks the net in the water,
|
|
like a fire that returns not to the spot already burned up, let one walk
|
|
alone like a rhinoceros.
|
|
|
|
Buddhism. Sutta Nipata 37-62: Rhinoceros Discourse
|
|
|
|
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
Acarangasutra 4.32: This is the declaration of the Jain who leaves home
|
|
for the life of a solitary monk. It is also an ontological statement
|
|
about human existence which is held in some form by all the religions of
|
|
India; cf. Laws of Manu 4.238-39, p. 338; Gauri, M.5, p. 330. Sutta
|
|
Nipata 37-62: Vv.37-38, 41, 60-62. The rhinoceros-like aloofness recomm-
|
|
ended by this discourse is meant for monks still in training, for whom the
|
|
attachments of family and friends might be distractions and obstacles to
|
|
Nibbana. For those firmly established in enlightenment, family and
|
|
friends should be no obstacles at all--see the excerpt from the Garland
|
|
Sutra, below, and Holy Teaching of Vimalakirti 2, p. 965. Cf. Parable of
|
|
the Mustard Seed, pp. 381f.
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
|
|
|
|
And [Jesus'] mother and his brothers came; and standing outside they sent
|
|
to him and called him. And a crowd was sitting about him; and they said
|
|
to him, "Your mother and your brothers are outside, asking for you." And
|
|
he replied, "Who are my mother and my brothers?" And looking around on
|
|
those who sat about him, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers!
|
|
Whoever does the will of God is my brother, and sister, and mother."
|
|
|
|
Christianity. Mark 3.31-35
|
|
|
|
|
|
It is not for the sake of the husband, my beloved, that the husband is
|
|
dear, but for the sake of the Self.
|
|
|
|
It is not for the sake of the wife, my beloved, that the wife is dear, but
|
|
for the sake of the Self.
|
|
|
|
It is not for the sake of the children, my beloved, that the children are
|
|
dear, but for the sake of the Self.
|
|
|
|
Hinduism. Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 2.4.4-5
|
|
|
|
|
|
Enlightening beings at home
|
|
Should wish that all beings
|
|
Realize the nature of "home" is empty
|
|
And escape its pressures.
|
|
|
|
While serving their parents,
|
|
They should wish that all beings
|
|
Serve the Buddha,
|
|
Protecting and nourishing everyone.
|
|
|
|
While with their spouses and children,
|
|
They should wish that all beings
|
|
Be impartial toward everyone
|
|
And forever give up attachment.
|
|
|
|
When attaining desires,
|
|
They should wish that all beings
|
|
Pull out the arrow of lust
|
|
And realize ultimate peace.
|
|
|
|
Buddhism. Garland Sutra 11
|
|
|
|
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
Mark 3.31-35: Jesus spent long hours teaching his disciples, to the dismay
|
|
of his family. When they tried to call him out, Jesus rebuked them thus.
|
|
The Gospels reveal that Jesus was misunderstood and alienated from his
|
|
family. At the marriage at Cana (John 2.3-4), when Jesus' mother asked
|
|
him to perform a miracle and provide wine for the wedding, he said to her,
|
|
"Woman, what have you to do with me? My hour has not yet come," suggest-
|
|
ing that she had but a shallow understanding of his mission. See also
|
|
Mark 6.1-4, p. 601. Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 2.4.4-5: The Self refers to
|
|
Ultimate Reality immanent in the heart, and certainly not to the egoistic
|
|
self. Garland Sutra 11: Cf. Holy Teaching of Vimalakirti 2, p. 965.
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
|
|
|