2113 lines
62 KiB
Plaintext
2113 lines
62 KiB
Plaintext
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The Magical Record of
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The Scarlet Woman
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Alostrael 31-666-31
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Leah Hirsig
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From January 15, 1924
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to
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December 27, 1924 e.v.
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Mss Diaries of Disciples
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Leah Hirsig
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Cat No. DD1
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Alostrael's Visions
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Copied from Diaries of
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The Beast 666 and Alostrael 31-666-31
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beginning Luna [Monday] October 29, 1923 e.v.
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(Luna in 1o Aries, An. xix)
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Nefta, Tunisie Cefalu, Sicily
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1
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(Visions continued)
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Note - These visions recorded by myself are quite insuffi-
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cient, fragmentary, and concentration bad.
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I.E Jan. 15. (L)
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Concentrating on War Engine. Nothing except a reference to
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CCXX, III.26.
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II. F Jan. 17. (22L)
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9 PM: During and after Amoun Invocation I asked for Light
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(IEHI AUD). Thin stalked leaves with heavy birds on them as
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in a previous vision. I said ``I understand'' and had a
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feeling of something definitely accomplished.
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Sater - Preliminary invocation.
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Started vision but couldn't hold it. A lion turned into a
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beetle which was really a sun
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7o = 4o
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asked for someone of higher grade
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8o = 3o XI - a Dog. And no more!
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III. C Jan. 18.
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9 PM Ra-Hoor-Khuit Invocation. Asked for light. stir not
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(heard). Elixir (seen)
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IV. G Jan. 19.
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5:30 PM Preliminary Invocation (33L) War Engine Met a dragon
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- who looked mild after
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93
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Flashes of A, etc. A man - his name - AUM - 84 Showed me
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that War Enging was of metal (very fine), and to be hurled.
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Not electricity. Danger of being seen hurling? No.
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V.A Jan. 20.
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7:30-8:30 (?) PM - A period of silence in which to invoke
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Neptune to look after OPV and Mss. An anchor and a white
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bird flying over it.
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2
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VI. Sater - Preliminary Invocation
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Concentration - W.E.
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(I forget much of what I saw. A man in a simple dark
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robe carrying a red heart appeared eventually and
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showed me a room where a man, a woman, and a child
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were eating in a very poor room. I got the impression
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that the W.E. energy would be got for us from by such
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a person - 93 changed the room and it was illuminated
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by an 11 pointed star.)
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I was shown a rocky country - perhaps Russia - presumably
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the place where the energy would be found or created. More -
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but nothing definite.
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VII. (grass) B 11:15 AM Jan. 22(?)
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OPV's S. Complex had nothing to do with me personally in
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particular - it was merely the ``longing to be planted.'' He
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makes this an excuse for not doing things.
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VIII. 5:30 PM (11 L)
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Clear vision - nothing.
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IX. Jan. 24 (22 dr: L.)
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4:30 PM - Preliminary Invocation Ra-Hoor-Khuit Invocation
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Ragged - Disconnected. O seem as a spherical object.
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Man in dark robe - red heart - in long room richly decorated
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and with a long table in it. Couldn't hold vision - trav-
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elled over all sorts of country, but nothing definite: 5:00
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PM
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X.Jan 30. 2:15 PM (Grass)
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I have the True Intrepretation of A Dillar, a Dollar, etc.
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XI. C Feb. 8
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[This began a series of 11 ceremonies invoking R.H.K.]
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An excellent Pentagram. Read Chapter III, CCXX - Impromptu
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invocation of R.H.K. asking for Light on Chapter III. All
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this, the reading I got a strong impression that the printed
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copies of CCXX should not bt used or circulate. I very
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nearly destroyed my own. We must fulfil CCXX - III before
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anything else.
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3
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Invocation of RA-HOOR-KHUIT
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O Thou God of War and of Vengence, Hear me, Alostrael, etc.
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who invokes Thee to help us to do Thy Work.
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Be Thou our strength, our force, and vigor of our arms,
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as Unit is our refuge, and Hadit our Light, that we
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may go on, go on, in Thy strength, and fight as brothers.
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Hear me, Thou Lord of the Double Wand of Power. Unto Thee
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do I eat this cake of light, that it may breed lust
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and power of lust in me.
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Hear Thou me, O Lord of Silence and of Strength. Show me Thy
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way that I may follow Thee in it.
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Give Thou of Thy Wisdom to Our Lord, The Beast 666, whom
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Nuit has called her Scribe, Ankh-af-na-khonsu, the Priest of
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Princes; whom Hadit Hails at the Prophet of Nu, the Prophet
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of Had, the Prophet of Ra-Hoor-Khu; and whom Thou hast
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termed O Blessed Beast, that He may comment with his Three-
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fold Book of Law with hadit burning in his heart.
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Thee, in whose name is hidden and glorious, a splendor
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I Invoke, I greet
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Thy presence, O Ra-Hoor-Khuit.
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Unity uttermost showed!
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I adore the might of Thy breath.
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Supreme and terrible God
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That maketh the Gods and death
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To tremble before Thee: -
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I adore Thee.
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Appear on the throne of Ra!
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Open the ways of the Khu!
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Lighten the ways of the Ka
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The ways of the Khabs run through
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To stir me or to still me!
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Aum! Let it fill me!
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XII. G Feb 9 (Grass & L)
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Wrote Invocation - used it in Pentagram - Very forceful.
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4
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Grass
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1. Our ``island'' should be governed by the ``Wise men''
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Defined - Those who have a knowledge of Nature, i.e.,
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Initiate:
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2.1 2 wise men; 1 Philosopher
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2 Poet
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3 Fighter (practical)
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4 Fighter (strategical)
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5 Agriculturist
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6 Scientist
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7 Priest
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8 Historian
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9 Mechanic
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10 Saw Worker
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11 Psychologist
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12 Medicine Man
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Our island - low, flat tongue of land, mountains in back-
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ground (real colony). Another shore wooded, birds, nothing
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distinctive, might be anywhere.
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XIII. A Feb. 10
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Invocation - Sabatini (Born July 8, 1899, Palermo 4:30 PM)
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in sort of trance.
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XIV. K Feb. 11
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Invocation - Vision Sabitini
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Vision #1, Arturo Sabatini
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He sees a white house. Inside the house are lignted candles.
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There are 5 people, 3 steps, 6 candles. There is a rug on
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the floor. A domed roof. An image of bronze. One man with a
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beard, clothed in a blue cape, and on hishead a white mitre
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embroidered with gold. His belt is as his mitre. A statue of
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(?) Thelema - has a long cap on its head. The seer sees only
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half of this figure. He is 62,000 miles away from Cefalu.
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Where? (In our country). On addressing the bearded man
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(93), the reply is: A prophet -
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BROVIE
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His name
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BENY
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Then a cloud gradually enveloped the entire scene, and the
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seer returned to earth making the Sign of Harpocrates.
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5
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XV. E Feb. 12
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3 pipes concentrating on ``Strength from R.H.K.'' 8 PM Invo-
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cation (Pentagram). Vision #2 Sabitini:
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Vision No. 2. Arturo Sabatini
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In the desert - hear the sea - a white cloth very high.
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Little by little the cloth becomes transparent. Behind it is
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a fire - something burning (2 pieces of wood ranged as a
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cross). High flame. Many people - some of them black, naked,
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and hold spears in their hands. They dance round the fire. A
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man is tied to the pieces of wood; the wind moves the flames
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- he sees an arm. Flames disappear gradually. The people are
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laughing - sitting in a circle. The fire is out. They all
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rise and take the ashes and scatter them over the desert.
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The cloth again - it becomes more and more opaque. Darkness.
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This means?
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A black shadow tells Arturo to explain it himself. He says
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418
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and asks his name.
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NECH 3
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He appears to the seer because he saw him. His message?
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93 93/93
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He will talk to Arturo when he is alone doing meditation. He
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says he can't talk now. He has gone away. He is one of the 5
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of last night's vision.
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Arturo now finds himself walking on a path among palms - no
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houses.
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XVI. B Feb. 13
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3 pipes, 22 L. - Worship Hadit. Wine - Worship Nuit. No Pen-
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tagram.
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XVII. F Feb. 14
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3:10 PM Msbtn. Reverence to R.H.K.
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Pentagram Ritual 8:10 PM - Sabitini Vision:
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6
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Vision No. 3. Arturo Sabitini
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I ask him to try to get BENY of first vision. No result.
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He sees an island - ships - men. People coming to and fro,
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men working on walls.
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Name of island? NAD (Written by Seer who knows no Greek).
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They are busy building walls.
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93 418
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bring no reply. They finish work.
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Why is the seer here?
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He is assisting. A force carried him there. When the work is
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finished he will get message. They are fortifying.
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Ne now sees the island more clearly. There are large trees -
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mountains in the background. It is a new island. Large - it
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has a long low promentory. The central part is high. 1000
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leagues from the shore.
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Ships - 11 large ones and one small one. This latter has a
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tent effect in the middle. These boats are all carrying
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materials.
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93 93/93
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The men all bow their heads.
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XVIII. C
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3:10 PM Msbtd. - Reverence to R.H.K. V.L. took oath to go on
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with his Prob. work.
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XIX. G Feb 16.
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Pentagram Ritual. Ninette read Chapter III. 4 PM 22L.
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Worship of R.H.K.
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A Feb. 17
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4 PM. 22L. Asana, Preliminary Invocation. R.H.K. Invocation.
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Pentagram Ritual. Mantra after Invocation. Very fine. A bird
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form with a serpent's head appears. It became a hawk (418)
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facing me. I got some word or other, but not distinct or
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distinctive enough to remember.
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Asana till 9:16 (24 minutes) and didn't know it.
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Arturo has not appeared! Hausi said ``I saw you talking with
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R.H.K.''
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7
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K Feb. 18
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Pentagram - Invocation. Idea to write Maude Whitney!!!
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E Feb 19
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Pentagram Ritual. 8:45 (last of 11 Invocations to R.H.K.)
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also welcome of A into ]. Arturo arrived a few minutes
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before (after a day and a night in jail). 5 gr X. 3 L. 11H
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(to sample and inspire). Good invocation.
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9 PM ``I hereby declare that the A has entered the sign of ]
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and we shall celebrate this event after the ceremony with a
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feast, as being one step nearer to the accomplishment of the
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G.W., the Estab. of the L. of T.''
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I ended the invocation with ``May He deal hardly with them,
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and we go on, go on in His Strength.''
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Feast - champagne, cognac, in which we got very drunk.
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A Feb 24
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All day invoking and worshipping Hadit.
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7:56-8:08 - concentration. General stillness of body and
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mind.
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8:13-25 - Old mantra - Oh so easy though.
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B Feb 27
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Reviewed Oath. Concentration - N.G.
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G Mar 1
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Msbtd - (alone, Dionysus) R.M. from W. Took CDN.
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A Mar 2
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Msbtd. - R.M. from W. 5 PM 11 L. CCXX-III. 5:19 Bornless One
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- Mantra - Asana (16 mins).
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K Mar 3
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22 L. before Tea. 10:22 PM Verse to concentrate on is: II-
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53. Thou art emphatically my chosen one ...
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E Mar 4
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Grass. Even a fellow with a keen sense of humor cannot
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appreciate the sense of humor in the fellow under grass.
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B Mar 5
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2 goes of L. 3 Cdn. - no noticeable effects. 8:40 PM CDN.
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8
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G Mar 6
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1 PM Invocation Jupiter. Letter to Bill OPV Windram. Tele.
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to S.P. (on Altar) Renewed Oath.
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C Mar 7
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Msbtd. again & again. M O N E Y.
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G Mar 8
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1 PM Invocation of R.H.K. prefaced by Oath as per CCXX - III
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- 44.
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B Mar 12
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After grass and lunch. Lust of Result - Can (verb in impera-
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tive mode) be object or purose (be sure it is caused and not
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lost) concentrate on the act or subject or what not, enjoy
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it fully - but keep the object or purpose well carried.
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F Mar 13
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Splendid Invocation of Jupiter. Cable rent to S.P. on next
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morning as just before ceremony the Telegraph boys told us
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800 lire had arrived from OPV.
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G Mar 15
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Preached Law to Prof. ... from Palermno. 8:20 PM Pentagram
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Ritual alone - renewing Oath - taking S.W. Oath - (3 CDN).
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A Mar 16
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Msbtd. 100 Pounds from S.P. 6:40 PM Opus I - C. (A. Saba-
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tini). 100 Pounds from S.P.
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E Mar 18
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Msbtd. Physical relief. Preached Law to 6 Monks at Gihal
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mamma.
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B Mar 19
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2:15 PM 11 L. (1 CDN) Concentration - III - 44 - 1st part.
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Read Resolution & write Beresford. 6:10 PM (real time 5:30 -
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clocks crazy) 11 L. 1 CDN. concentrating on Word of Equinox
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- Began R.H.K. Invocation, but only got 2 or 3 words going
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when
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NOV
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and then completed
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NOVEM
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flashed through my mind. Inspiration to write D'Annunzio and
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send him a copy of Mortadello.
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9
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F Mar 20
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Reply from S.P. - unintelliglble! but not money. Pentagram
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Ritual 9 PM - I declare in the absence of the Beast that the
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Password of the Past 6 mos. was no longer valid and that I
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accepted the word (not mentioning it) subject to the
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approval of The Beast. 10:30 PM. Opus III (C) A.S. and
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Ninette - A perfect Operation of Love under Will. Object:
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COMPLETE RECOVERY OF OUR LORD THE BEAST.
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G Mar 22
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3 PM - 22 L. (Concentration) A letter to G. D'Annunzio.
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Result - an inscription in Mortadello as follows:
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93 to G.D'A. from The S.W., the concubine of the B. 666
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(commonly called Aleister Crowley) who in May of last year
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was expelled from Italy seuza ragione data that the great
|
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Italian Poet may meditate more deeply on the deplorable con-
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dition of his country which has been the home of English
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poets for centuries.
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Abbey of T. Cefalu 93 93/93 A in , Ano XX - Aeon of Horus.
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PARIS
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Apr 1
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22 L. To concentrate my thoughts preparatory to seeing A.C.
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Result - All thoughts fled leaving me with
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``My whole being calls out to you to see us thro' this
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crisis.''
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I used this as my opening speech and then the ideas flowed.
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Apr 3
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Letters - inspired ones. Later 13 L. Renewed my Oath after
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losing my head re K & C of H.G.A.
|
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``Part of my Formula is the 4th Power of the Sphinx.''
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I also felt (for the first time) purged of the Oaths taken
|
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and broken (June 1920).
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Apr 6
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Said good-bye to a part of myself that I have long wanted to
|
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lose: self-pity and a feeling of inferiority.
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|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
10
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Apr 8
|
||
What shall I do re Barucier's demand ``Pay or go by G?''
|
||
|
||
Immediate response: ``Do nothing, Trust the Gods!''
|
||
|
||
And I followed this in perfect faith.
|
||
|
||
Apr 11 C
|
||
I fully decided to take the injunction of Apr 8 literally &
|
||
I have stuck to it. I wait for an unmistakable sign, till I
|
||
do anything further.
|
||
|
||
Apr 13 A
|
||
666 better!!!
|
||
|
||
Apr 15 E
|
||
22 L. Result - Ninette should not send her deeds to the Old
|
||
Grandmother.
|
||
|
||
Apr 16 B to Apr 20 K
|
||
Representative for Cecil Jones called. Moneys came in from
|
||
several sources.
|
||
|
||
Apr 23 B
|
||
Msbtd. - Light (No results as far as I can see.)
|
||
|
||
Apr 27 A
|
||
Yi - What shall be my immediate action? Ans. Air of Air
|
||
LXII, Act as circumstances warrant. Some great change com-
|
||
ing. Be pliable, elastic, but penetrating, ready to take
|
||
advantage of anything that turns up.
|
||
|
||
Mantra - Unity, etc.
|
||
|
||
Two quite foreign thoughts in the midst of the usually ordi-
|
||
nary message:
|
||
|
||
1 Coney Island - I there suddenly
|
||
|
||
2 I playing Funeral March from Beethoven. This brought
|
||
about ``normal thoughts'' re OPV death of 666, ---, also of
|
||
child - and the Mantra stopped.
|
||
|
||
Apr 28 A
|
||
Formulated
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
11
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
May 1919 E.J. Feast - Poupee conceived
|
||
|
||
20 Little Boy conceived (Cefalu)
|
||
|
||
21 Ceremony I.
|
||
|
||
22 London - D.F.
|
||
|
||
23 Explusion - Tunis.
|
||
|
||
24 ? Vavin
|
||
|
||
25
|
||
|
||
Poupee - A.C. Paris, LT. A.C. Paris, R.L.'s death, A.C.
|
||
Paris beat B.
|
||
|
||
Apr 29
|
||
666 delivered his message to Mary Butts & we talked to Cecil
|
||
Maitland.
|
||
|
||
Apr 30
|
||
Beast very ill - a part of last spasm, for
|
||
|
||
F May 1, 1924,
|
||
we were ejected from 50 rue Vavine, and the query above (Apr
|
||
28) for 1924 could be filled in. Also see Yi Divination Apr.
|
||
27!!!
|
||
|
||
May 1-20
|
||
We nursed the child at 6 Rue Jolin. Cecil Jones coming to
|
||
terms slowly. OPV thro' the worst of his troubles.
|
||
|
||
May 10
|
||
A break-down threatened us.
|
||
|
||
May 16
|
||
Sullivan, Kennedy, Cul Solar & Jones, the American lawyer! -
|
||
Three kings + !!!
|
||
|
||
May 14
|
||
Take Oath to cast out pride from my heart. Cut AK on my left
|
||
forearm - Invoked R.H.K. and said over and over again
|
||
|
||
``There is a need for blood.''
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
12
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
May 15
|
||
Xol Solar Signed Oath in Silence Diary. Several moneys have
|
||
come in.
|
||
|
||
May 19
|
||
Re: news of possible expulsion of all from Cefalu. 11:45 AM
|
||
Cannot sleep. Thoughts troubling me. Then I wrote:
|
||
|
||
1. 1920-21 666 had the opportunity of ``Sacrificing'' the
|
||
C.P. Stock - i.e., heaving it circulated with what appeared
|
||
a great loss to him.
|
||
|
||
2. Explusion of whole colony - It is up to the Gods to
|
||
``save'' the ``valuables'' there. See my Diary for more of
|
||
this.
|
||
|
||
Expenses at Hotel for 12 days = 573.00. For 1 Day = 47.75
|
||
per day.
|
||
|
||
May 20 E
|
||
Chellas S. at M. Retirement started.
|
||
|
||
May 21
|
||
Jones is giving in.
|
||
|
||
May 24
|
||
I want to do away with the words Science & Art.
|
||
|
||
May 27
|
||
Visit to Com. of Police. Keys.
|
||
|
||
10:00 PM Opus I 666 - Successful retirement.
|
||
|
||
May 30
|
||
10:00 PM Opus II - 31-666-31 - Msbtd. Help for V.L. (who is
|
||
very ill).
|
||
|
||
May 31
|
||
XUL Solar came out (8:30?) PM and rushed back to Paris.
|
||
|
||
Pd. Hotel 535.75+25.25+12(tips)=573.00 Fr
|
||
|
||
from May 20 - June 1 i.e., for 12 days.
|
||
|
||
Also several meals out, not recorded (Paris trip, etc) but
|
||
will keep weekly account beginning tomorrow.
|
||
|
||
Magical Diary of Alostrael 31-666-31
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
13
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
``Au Cadran Blue'' Chelles, Seine et Marne, France
|
||
|
||
June 1, 1924 e.v. 10:30 PM A
|
||
XUL Solar has not yet shown up. He needs a severe programme.
|
||
Today, I spent most of my time writing a long letter with
|
||
enclosures of various kinds to O.P.V., also copying letter
|
||
to Alabama people. The daily payment plan is already getting
|
||
on my nerves. Tired, but not nervous.
|
||
|
||
June 2 9 AM K
|
||
Raining again. Breakfast at 8:15. 666 gone back to sleep. I
|
||
continue with my letters:
|
||
|
||
Fire Water
|
||
|
||
12:30 PM My opinion is that one does not really get a shot
|
||
at one's complexes until one has managed to eliminate the
|
||
influences of convention.
|
||
|
||
1:25 PM 6 dr G. + rum + wine at lunch.
|
||
|
||
2:40 PM (after lunch) Quite uncomfortable - but 666 wants
|
||
his books from the P.O., so after telling him a fet thoughts
|
||
(re later) I went. Returned - raining like hell - Tea. Ideas
|
||
connected with convention and complex. To get at people's
|
||
``conventions'' trouble I suggest two main lines:
|
||
|
||
1 for the simple - ask the question ``What troubles you
|
||
most in life.''
|
||
|
||
2 for the more complex animal - Force him with a list of
|
||
all the crimes? possible and ask him to mention the one that
|
||
he thinks worst ``wicked'' or ``disgusting'' or some such
|
||
term.
|
||
|
||
Ate no dinner. Bed early, after short walk.
|
||
|
||
June 3 E 9:50 AM
|
||
All ready to go to Paris. I await letter from Pre Catalan.
|
||
|
||
June 4 B 11 AM
|
||
I went to Paris and everything seemed to go wrong - but I
|
||
survived it. Bed at 9.
|
||
|
||
Long dreams - woke at 3 AM and then slept until around 7.
|
||
|
||
My fountain pen has arrived. Behold the result!
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
14
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Yes, I called on Xul Solar - he was ``in bed'' as usual. I
|
||
waited 12 minutes and then beat it ... I await an answer!
|
||
|
||
Dictation from 3 to 7 (with tea in between). 666 in bed all
|
||
day, not ill, but oh so tired! Raining like hell all day -
|
||
bloody weather.
|
||
|
||
9 PM 666 & Ethyl - How I hate this business starting again!
|
||
It is a beastly stink to those not using it. I have been
|
||
trying all day to sew a bib. Everytime I get the thing in my
|
||
hands something or somebody interrupts.
|
||
|
||
June 5 2:30 PM F
|
||
A short resume.
|
||
|
||
Last night 666 & Ethyl wanted a quite dark room so I sat me
|
||
at the window and drank rum, smoked cigarettes until Cadram
|
||
began to cut up. He ran away from Marie and hid under our
|
||
bed. I spent some time in helping to catch the other dog
|
||
which of course we didn't do.
|
||
|
||
Slept well but 666 woke me 6 times one of which was the
|
||
arrival of XUL Solar (so he thought 0 and he was right - for
|
||
this AM Marie announced him and shortly after he announced
|
||
himself.)
|
||
|
||
Received letter from Goiran - cheque 154.96. Send Knickers &
|
||
letter to Suzanne. Lunch at 12:30. 666 sleeping now - Letter
|
||
to Sullivan ready, also copying one to Bill which I doubt
|
||
will ever be ready.
|
||
|
||
June 6 C
|
||
9 AM I had planned to write up my diary every evening but
|
||
there is always something to prevent. Last night it was Sidi
|
||
Bou Ali - Notes in 666's diary. This morning 7:10-15 AM Opus
|
||
III (A) I did reverence to R.H.K. 666? Bright sunny day.
|
||
Hurrah! 3 PM Out for lunch, only we turned back and got here
|
||
at 1 PM. 666 sleeping - I want a hat! Headachy, tired and
|
||
heavy. A long dull (though bright) day. 41 g. w Turban to
|
||
XUL S. - no noticeable effects.
|
||
|
||
June 7 G 2:30 PM
|
||
Stupid day - it's clear but dull. We financed our hat
|
||
already home. 666 not yet strong.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
15
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
June 8 11:45 AM A
|
||
Movies last night. Great ful. 666 talked to XUL S. undil
|
||
goodness knows when - every once in a while his rashing
|
||
voice so jarred on me that I wanted to scream. When this was
|
||
not the case, I heard the pipe going or the tea being drunk!
|
||
All this was relieved by Opus IV (C) (To become the Babalon
|
||
I need to be) 666? some time before 3AM. I went quite wile.
|
||
Received tobacco a few minutes ago but no other mail. Hell!
|
||
Have not and cannot decide about Hardelot Big fees today
|
||
|
||
June 9 K
|
||
Rumpus at Hotel - negress. XUL S. to Paris.
|
||
|
||
June 10 E
|
||
Beast to Paris. Copied letters, fancies, divinations, etc.
|
||
666 back at 6:40.
|
||
|
||
June 11 B
|
||
Woke at 5. Hell! It's earlier every morning. We had ``early
|
||
tea'' before 7 and breakfast about 8:30. 1 PM 666 in bed
|
||
still (having lunch there). I stayed in bed till 10 myself.
|
||
It is rainy again. 666 needs a big wallop from a big nigger
|
||
wench.
|
||
|
||
June 12 F
|
||
666 to Paris. Came home by 8:16. Did not expect him so I
|
||
went to bed with my Turban on. It came off when my Lion
|
||
showed up. Slept late - after midnight - Wrote a long long
|
||
letter to O.P.V.
|
||
|
||
June 13 C
|
||
Up before 8 but very sleepy. Letters - too late for Paris
|
||
trains 11 L - it rained, so I am glad. Tried to telegraph
|
||
O.P.V. but after waiting 1/2 hrs for information I thought
|
||
on the whole it would be savig time to send a P.C. XUL Solar
|
||
being waked up.
|
||
|
||
June 14 G
|
||
Up at 9 tho woke before 7. It's damp and chilly. Between
|
||
2:30-3:30 PM (after a Turban) Opus V - (C) 666 I kept my
|
||
mind off anything.
|
||
|
||
Msbtd. Opus VI - shortly after V - Ra-Hoor-Khuit (not having
|
||
been satisfied by it.) I had the feelig of being a ? and
|
||
generally then a penis which became gradually ready for
|
||
action and then the gradual ``going down.''
|
||
|
||
It was a great experience.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
16
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Preoccupied all day and evening, but enjoying every moment
|
||
in a quiet sort of way.
|
||
|
||
Dinner and cinema at Challas. Home after midnight. Nstn. up
|
||
day (i.e. started late at night).
|
||
|
||
June 15
|
||
Rain again. Stores in the kitchen drove us out to lunch.
|
||
Montgomery Evans and ``Alice, where art thou?''. Later - he
|
||
showed up (I like him).
|
||
|
||
June 16
|
||
Very tired when 666 waked me for breakfast. Last night -
|
||
tired unknown and I had scraps of a vision. I do not remem-
|
||
ber how it began, but the full moon, mstbn, and XUL S's
|
||
talking about ``breaks'' in his work perhaps helped. How-
|
||
ever, it was as follows:
|
||
|
||
S was thinking of ``choose ye an island'' - saw large white
|
||
birds, not clearly - which turned to serpents - finally a
|
||
peculiar large light dove colored egg with what appeared to
|
||
be a serpent around it. But it was not a serpent after all
|
||
because conscious of the inside of the egg in which I was a
|
||
serpent but then discovered that it was a bir with a very
|
||
long neck. There was an opening (not to the outside where I
|
||
had previously been), but to a tunnel sort of place. I
|
||
plunged in and saw a peacock - white. I called him Pera,
|
||
said 418, etc. and thought of the ``island.''
|
||
|
||
Then I saw a saucer with 5 pieces of sugar on it - one more
|
||
noticable than the others because it has a name in black
|
||
letters on it -
|
||
|
||
C N A N D E T T
|
||
Somewhere in the vision I saw a key but I can't remember
|
||
where _ I think after I saw the sugar islands - as my minds
|
||
ran to ``Now fortify it.'' I remember no more.
|
||
|
||
I dreamed about Kings and all the rest of it, waking once at
|
||
least and giving orders on goverment with great certainity.
|
||
I advise that no one should have power unless he was well-
|
||
trained and tried and it boehtered me because we seemed to
|
||
weed them out once and training takes time.
|
||
|
||
Jun 17 E
|
||
Paris with 666. Hot, generally uncomfortable. Two visits to
|
||
Suzanne. Two visits to Geriand (he was out). Dinner at
|
||
Chinese Restaurant - homeon 8:16. A.C. very tired boy.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
17
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
June 18 B
|
||
Blessed sunshine! makes me remember the full moon last
|
||
night. She was very fiery and seemed much larger than any
|
||
moons I've seen before. Latters from Geriand and O.P.V.
|
||
|
||
June 19 F
|
||
No Hump, no aimee. Opus 7 Msbtd. Phys. Relief - 8 AM. Xul
|
||
Solar leaves tomorrow.
|
||
|
||
June 20 C
|
||
Began the day by trying to telephone to Paris. Finally suc-
|
||
ceeded and came out to lunch. A turban & '75 & wine & straw-
|
||
berries = Velly Sick Monkey. Xul S. left about 4:50 PM tho
|
||
he had planned to leave the day before. Disliked Evans' way
|
||
of ``being a sport.'' After all, Xul S. has qualities which
|
||
no amount of cultivation, experience or anything else can
|
||
give to Evans.
|
||
|
||
June 21
|
||
Beast to Paris - I, feeling ``queer.'' Could that tiny bit
|
||
of Biscuit have done it??
|
||
|
||
Loafed all day. Very nervous.
|
||
|
||
June 22 A
|
||
Cheque from G.
|
||
|
||
June 29 A
|
||
A whole week gone! A busy, lazy week at that. Went to Paris
|
||
on E June 24 and again on Friday June 28. Called on Geriand
|
||
both times - saw him on C. He has made a mess of the
|
||
Bourcier business.
|
||
|
||
June 30 K 7:25 PM
|
||
A Turban of 6 - hous errors. Wrote a long letter to Goiraud.
|
||
I hope it doesn't puzzle him too much. Have waitedthis long
|
||
time to write B.C. - Hell! I have no paper. 7:30 - it seems
|
||
hours. Reflection - So soon! 7:40 He (who?) the man at the
|
||
bar (why?) He lost his leg in the army. Did he belong to
|
||
Coxie's army. If so, what is he doing a Frenchman?
|
||
|
||
July 1 E
|
||
To Paris, under protest. I was as cross as could be in the
|
||
morning, felt thoroughly unprepared to go to Kammerley Hall,
|
||
yet the moment I left the house I found myself as keen and
|
||
capable as could be.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
18
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Programme in Paris (resume)
|
||
|
||
1. Kammerly Hall - couldn't see him - appt. for F.
|
||
|
||
2. Suzanne - pd. her 50 fr.
|
||
|
||
3. Suzanne Aunt - no velvet - to call in PM
|
||
|
||
4. Coat, Scarf, Walking Stick.
|
||
|
||
5. P.O.
|
||
|
||
6. Done at 12 & sat with Willy for a lont time, then the
|
||
``Old Man'' joined and invited me to fix up his flat. I made
|
||
a date with him for F at 12.
|
||
|
||
7. Dentist - nice man. Estimate 3300 fr.
|
||
|
||
8. Suzanne A. again - 100 francs for berre.
|
||
|
||
9. Home at 5:24 - 666 met me!
|
||
|
||
10. Home - dinner & long letter to O.P.V.
|
||
|
||
Cross again - as soon as I struck Chelles! Hell!! Well?
|
||
|
||
July 2 10 AM A
|
||
Raining like hell. 666 sleeping tho we planned to go to
|
||
Paris. Two long letters to O.P.V. copied 4 pages of my own.
|
||
666 off on 5:56 - I to P.O. and shopping. Caught in healthy
|
||
shower! Home at 6:40.
|
||
|
||
July 3 1 AM
|
||
Noises - strong smell of chloroform, or so I supposed. But
|
||
sleep is all off. God help me!
|
||
|
||
1:08 AM I was too busy listening to listen write - and I do
|
||
not dare to sleep. The window is now open. I don't dare to
|
||
close it. And I am afraid!
|
||
|
||
About 20 minutes ago Opus VII msbtd - To get going to Estab.
|
||
the L. of T. - action, in other words.
|
||
|
||
I trust this is not it. But after all if it is the action
|
||
needed, I shall do not fail to do all I can. Am I quite
|
||
crazy?
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
19
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
July 5 G
|
||
Spend F night and E in Paris. Took 9:44 F, visited Dentist,
|
||
Counsel, B.C.F., Kennerley Hall, and the Dame. Shopped in
|
||
Maine and after a siege with the dentist E A.M. caught the
|
||
12:02 back home.
|
||
|
||
In Paris
|
||
|
||
1. Dentist - bill to be presented when work is completed.
|
||
|
||
2. Consulate - H.B.M.C.G. was not in. But one of the men
|
||
there informed A.C. that his passport was not in order and
|
||
that the V.C. was ``green.''
|
||
|
||
3. Kennerley Hall - Spend 1 hour with him & have promised
|
||
to send him a report.
|
||
|
||
4. B.C. Fund
|
||
|
||
I called there at 11:40 while A.C. was still at the
|
||
Consulate.
|
||
|
||
The door was opened by Miss Clayton, the woman who called at
|
||
5:00 May 1. When I said, ``You are the very person I want to
|
||
see,'' she said, ``You'll have to see Miss Macnsughton'' and
|
||
ushered me into the Dewine Presence. I got a chill from
|
||
which I have not yet recovered. These worms have to have
|
||
some means of self-protection.
|
||
|
||
I told her I had called to pay back the 20 francs lent by
|
||
Miss Clayton, unless it had not yet already been repaid. She
|
||
said ``No.'' Then, I pulled out the 20 fr., held on to them
|
||
for dear life, and said I should like to talk to Miss the
|
||
lady - etc - I don't know her name - what is her name?
|
||
|
||
She refused to let me talk to Miss C. on the ground that
|
||
they were finished with the case, it being a consular case
|
||
and ``You're not a British subject? You're an American.'' I
|
||
protested: ``Oh no, sweety, I'm Swiss.''
|
||
|
||
She referred to the ``record'' before her and said that
|
||
there was nothing to report - M. C. & his friend (secretary)
|
||
had been ejected, order 5000 fr. to the proprietor, and she
|
||
had telephoned the Consulate on May 2 to say it was a
|
||
Consular case.
|
||
|
||
``Is that all?'' said I, innocently.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
20
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
``Yes,'' she said.
|
||
|
||
``Then what did th eman at the Consulate refer to when he
|
||
told you that throughout it looked to him like a
|
||
`professional case'?'', flashed I, verbally and with my eyes
|
||
firmly fixed on her.
|
||
|
||
No answer. Damn my soul, I became kind-hearted, and helped
|
||
her out (I wonder whether I did really) by saying ``You
|
||
don't remember those words?''
|
||
|
||
Said she ``No'', but hardly audibly.
|
||
|
||
``Well, I do,'' remarked Miss Leah H, and told her my embar-
|
||
rassment in being forced to listen to a telephone conversa-
|
||
tion.
|
||
|
||
She dropped the subject and asked quite cooly about the
|
||
payment. I handed her the 20, and she dipped her pen in a
|
||
nearly empty ink-pot (red ink) at least 20 times. I wonder
|
||
if anyone can read what she wrote! I paid up and asked her,
|
||
as she refused to allow us to do so myself, to thank Miss C.
|
||
for her kindness and timely help.
|
||
|
||
``20 fr. looked very large to us that day.'' said I.
|
||
|
||
The ugly old Macuaughton was back on the job.
|
||
|
||
``It's very queer,'' said she, ``that such a condition
|
||
should have arisen.'' (This with as positive convication as
|
||
the rosy-cheeked person's ``professional case'' remark. They
|
||
should leave the Pooblic Service and give Jung etc. instruc-
|
||
tions in psychoanalysis.
|
||
|
||
``Not when you know the circumstances,'' quoth I, and
|
||
exited.
|
||
|
||
Later, we called again and were received by the Furnance
|
||
Man, so I thought at first sight. Our acquaintance he viewed
|
||
more like what I imaginethe least incapable people in a
|
||
poor-house to be like. He swelled with importance when he
|
||
announced that he was in charge!!! A.C. rambled on and the
|
||
charge gave his views on the duties, priviledges, etc. of a
|
||
Pooblic Servant.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
21
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
His final speech, on A.C.'s asking if he saw murder done in
|
||
the street, would he give evidence or notify the police, was
|
||
``If you want to keep out of trouble, you'll get away as
|
||
fast as you can'' or something to that effect.
|
||
|
||
So much for Poohblick Survints!
|
||
|
||
July 6 A
|
||
Wright & Brown called yesterday. No Anna W.! 666 not well.
|
||
Tired and uninterested. I busy all day morning writing up
|
||
acct. of Vavin Slong & letters for Cuald, etc.
|
||
|
||
July 7 K
|
||
Paris by 9:44. Met M. de Lima, a play writer. Leo, Cancer
|
||
man - missed the 8:16 by 1 minute. Home late. Also met Ella
|
||
Burgin and Nelam, of Lady Hamilton extraction.
|
||
|
||
July 8
|
||
Letter from O.P.V. re B.D. Collins, etc. Good by.
|
||
|
||
July 9
|
||
Paris on 1:35. Dentist & Suzanne. Hunt. Dame - de Lima,
|
||
Wright. No Willy. I bet she dit it, the bloody fool.
|
||
|
||
July 10
|
||
Rotten all day. 9 PM Opus VIII Msbtd. Reverence to R.H.K.
|
||
Letters from Alabana, she may have sinled July 3!
|
||
|
||
July 11
|
||
Woke feeling rotten. Not going to Paris as for appointment.
|
||
Patron telephoned. Garalin PM. Mnstrm - 1st day.
|
||
|
||
July 12 G
|
||
Hot as hell. Cheque from G - gave it to Patrons. Sewed and
|
||
wrote letters to A.I. and Prog.
|
||
|
||
July 16 B 5 PM
|
||
``I want to know the future'' is the ansser that grass made
|
||
me utter, in searching for the cause of my present state of
|
||
health. I took 4 drops before lunch to this end.
|
||
|
||
On K I had too much and was deathly ill with it, too much
|
||
'75 and wine. 4 drops gives me all I need in the line of
|
||
relaxing and no discomfort.
|
||
|
||
July 17 F
|
||
500 fr arrived from London, making 10 pounds in all (250.50
|
||
rec'd on E).
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
22
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
July 18 4:15 PM
|
||
Yi - How shall I act at present with regard to Alma?
|
||
|
||
Earth of Sol. No XXII, Pi Twan - Avoid Initiative
|
||
|
||
Line 1. Show the excellence of your way as enabling you to
|
||
despise material matters.
|
||
|
||
Line 2. Art is very well, but dependent on life.
|
||
|
||
Line 3. Show how fortunate you are. Be firm about it.
|
||
|
||
Line 4. Offer to help her with great simplicity and great
|
||
enthusiasm, using sincerity.
|
||
|
||
Line 5. Set her feel that she owes to you even her present
|
||
degree of manifestation.
|
||
|
||
Line 6. Show that the supreme virtue is simplicity.
|
||
|
||
(Later msbtd: this AM 8:30? Some Life in A.C. Wrote letters.
|
||
4 gr before lunch - 4 before dinner. To write to Alma.
|
||
|
||
8:40 PM The keynote to Alma is that her mind is practically
|
||
gone.
|
||
|
||
A minute or so ago I found B's bottle of O. and took a bit
|
||
to sober me sufficiently to write Alma.
|
||
|
||
8:50 I started to write Alma. But it doesn't write. I think
|
||
I'll decide on the Yi's first injunction and take not the
|
||
initiative.
|
||
|
||
July 19 G
|
||
My day off! 11:30 AM and I'm still in bed! Smoked 4
|
||
cigarettes and just loafed.
|
||
|
||
7 PM Eventful day:
|
||
|
||
1. Telephone call - Dentist 10:30 AM
|
||
|
||
2. Letter from Alma 11 AM
|
||
|
||
3. Letter from M.E. 2nd 11 AM
|
||
|
||
4. 666 to Paris 2:41 PM
|
||
|
||
5. Con. of Police called 5 PM
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
23
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
6. Letter from OPV 4 PM
|
||
|
||
7. Telegram Leak? London 7 PM
|
||
|
||
I also washed my hair and scrapped thetin box. Feeling
|
||
rotten, I decided to feel rottener.
|
||
|
||
Oh yes! Greatest of all!!!!! !666 ate 2 bananas! before
|
||
lunch!!!!!
|
||
|
||
Trying to write to Alma but simply can't.
|
||
|
||
July 20 A
|
||
To Paris. Sullivan.
|
||
|
||
July 21 K
|
||
To Chelles. 13 pounds O.P.V. Pictures of Chefalu people.
|
||
Letter from M.Clark and amount & money.
|
||
|
||
July 22 E
|
||
Back to Paris on 2:35. Stayed at Marina Hotel. Evans here -
|
||
I very tired.
|
||
|
||
5:53 PM 666 sleeping. Baggage, baggage everywhere. And not a
|
||
rag to wear!
|
||
|
||
July 27 A Montramarte 24 rue Samarck
|
||
Been here since B July 23. F met F. Harris after lunch at La
|
||
Paiu, and visit to Bishop & G. E A.C. talked with F.H. -
|
||
Anna Wilson at Doma. F Letter from Alma - she's sentmy $100.
|
||
|
||
10:35 AM - Making list of books in Box B.
|
||
|
||
12:30 PM At the Savoyard, after listing books in Box B. Fine
|
||
day. Four pounds from D.L.T.C. I feel very excited about
|
||
going to London. I must get my Rogues Gallery going again.
|
||
Auiden yesterday - planetary restaurant.
|
||
|
||
July 30 B
|
||
9 AM Symbol No XXXII How to use H.N. Hall. A.C. had lunch
|
||
with him. Suzanne & Suzanne have been paid off, and walked
|
||
in year rig to Henry's Bar where Anna received us! Dinner at
|
||
Suzanne ru Paine. Home James!
|
||
|
||
F Chellas by the 9:14. Hall came out later. I like him -
|
||
but?
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
24
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Aug 1 C
|
||
11:40 AM 666 is not feeling well. I have been running about
|
||
all morning but cannot dec'd what to take to London. What I
|
||
saw as strength to cary on a very definite line of campaign.
|
||
I shall close this record now, and start another one (as
|
||
soon as I get it).
|
||
|
||
Dec 2 1924 ev
|
||
7:40 - 48 PM Invocation of R.H.K. (Unity) & impromptu
|
||
special point. ``Work the work of wickedness.''
|
||
|
||
Dec 14 1924 e.v. A
|
||
AN xx A in Q K in ? 4:31 PM
|
||
I start a new Magicak Record. For months now I have dared
|
||
and sneered at and rejected what I termed ``old magical
|
||
methods.'' But all my actions to get something new have
|
||
brought me merely to a state of nervous collapse which seems
|
||
to have reached its limit today.
|
||
|
||
I can do no more than start all over again. I affirm that my
|
||
only reason for holding out against what seemed hopless and
|
||
unending difficulties is that I may be of service in the
|
||
Great Work. I have in the past taken upon myself a series of
|
||
tasks of which I neither understood the purpose nor con-
|
||
sciously. I do not know whether I have failed hopelessly or
|
||
whether I can still make good. I do know that I can merely
|
||
re-affirm these oaths, one by one; tho whichever one I may
|
||
select will torture me to look at the next.
|
||
|
||
But I think on reading over various old Diaries, that I had
|
||
better start with my 8o=3o Oath and work along those lines.
|
||
|
||
I hereby, 4:40 PM, A Dec 14 repeat:
|
||
|
||
4:44 PM I did so - adding Lilith to the other names.
|
||
|
||
I am ashamed to say that I was weeping like a baby all the
|
||
while but I think the tears have loosened up something that
|
||
needed to be hit at badly.
|
||
|
||
5:07 PM I just accused myself of not having the courage to
|
||
give up smoking. I have and I will not smoke until I have
|
||
recovered my physical looks sufficiently to allow me to do
|
||
so sensibly. I look like a butt that has been lying about
|
||
for a week.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
25
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
5:14
|
||
|
||
I take this (sip of white wine) to Nuit.
|
||
|
||
I take this (1 dr Auh. Lau. in white wine) to Hadit.
|
||
|
||
I take this (cut my wrist with razor) to Ra-Hoor-Khuit.
|
||
|
||
5:27 PM While finishing typing above telegram from 666
|
||
arived. ``Strongly advise against American. Letter follows
|
||
explaining.''
|
||
|
||
5:45 I see quite clearly that all I have been doing for the
|
||
last few months was to ``hate,'' not to ``love.'' I mistook
|
||
this for ``the work of wickedness'' - O.P.V. set me right on
|
||
this thou I more or less suspected that wickedness was akin
|
||
to witchery - be-witching. Didn't I call myself ``Hag'' and
|
||
Witch and all the rest of them. Perspective is absolutely
|
||
necessary. Copies of this for 666.
|
||
|
||
7:13 PM Take first meal I have really eaten for a week. 1
|
||
cigarette with coffee because I looked human. Now, no more.
|
||
|
||
10:10 Pentagram completed (after nice hot wash).
|
||
|
||
11:40 But its all no use - my mind keeps whirling round &
|
||
round.
|
||
|
||
12:50 Msbtd. Magical (partner)
|
||
|
||
2:05 Been reading over Visions and also state of my life I
|
||
started on Hoble's suggestions
|
||
|
||
Midnight K Dec 15 - E Dec 16
|
||
To bed after the dance.
|
||
|
||
Dec 16 E
|
||
Asaha. 7:06 AM-7:16 My back gave way several times and my
|
||
breathing bad due to cold. Said ``Thou who art I'' not all
|
||
the time the red coat popped in.
|
||
6:25 PM Wrote to 666, O.P.V. and Ninette, but I can't get
|
||
going on the Hause business at all. Tried to write to Marion
|
||
but can't do that either. I thought my walk and meal at the
|
||
little restaurant would clear my mind. It has, but not for
|
||
this particular job.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
26
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Dec 18 F
|
||
5 PM It's all no use - I seem to be getting worse and yet I
|
||
have no conviction that I'm really on the mend. Am I delud-
|
||
ing myself?
|
||
|
||
E evening - Cinema
|
||
|
||
Wed AM - Msbdt. - calling madly on Chaos.
|
||
|
||
Occasional bouts of Asana
|
||
|
||
Wed evening - Cafe
|
||
|
||
Today St Germain in the fog and hundreds of indecisions.
|
||
Wrote letter to Marion - its good & it isn't - I want, I
|
||
want, I want.
|
||
|
||
And I'm going to keep on wanting. This AM - Asana - 15 min-
|
||
utes - ``Thou who art I'' & Pan Mantra going like mad.
|
||
|
||
5:08 I light the candle, I burn the incense
|
||
|
||
5:20-5:35 Asana - Thou who art I & Pan (This after Penta-
|
||
gram, creed, and collects). Great peace, but thought of
|
||
having cut up blue robe bothered me.
|
||
|
||
7:45 PM Typed hipta Poems - I must concentrate off the House
|
||
business for a bit. But nerves, nerves! And its all Magical
|
||
- but what to do, I don't know. I await 666's word but will
|
||
I get it and if I do, will I understand?
|
||
|
||
I will sit calmly and smoke a cigarette and drink my coffee.
|
||
|
||
10:50 I did it - I danced alone in my cafe - I danced with a
|
||
lesbian and I kissed the waiter - that's that! We'll see how
|
||
it turns out. But I'm out to get hard cash & I'll get for my
|
||
Big Lion Baby Snake - There are no iffs - I'll bloody well
|
||
get it.
|
||
|
||
12: - To Bed - Typed 2 oaths and had some soup. Now we'll
|
||
|
||
Invoke, invoke! and then to sleep
|
||
|
||
Dec 19 C
|
||
10:15 PM Got letters from 666, O.P.V., & V.I. & Alma, also
|
||
from furrier. Typed a bit of note to Suzanne - blast her. I
|
||
had to wait an eternally long time and then she wanted to be
|
||
paid!
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
27
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
The dress is - just not right. No work in me - Pentagram - 9
|
||
PM.
|
||
|
||
Poking about ever since. Cup of tea and too many cigarettes.
|
||
|
||
Now to bed & Pan Mantra!
|
||
|
||
11:10 - I did ``Pan'' it - it was great! And then I found
|
||
myself between just ordinary thoughts, paying all sorts of
|
||
things, ending with
|
||
|
||
I am, Iweep, I wail, I know
|
||
|
||
(Thought about Hause possibly being on his way, etc.)
|
||
|
||
Dec 20 G
|
||
After last entry last night I suddenly got up and had a hot
|
||
wash. I said, ``I am going to meet my Lord Chaos whose bride
|
||
I am.''
|
||
|
||
I ate a small bit of bread and invoked Chaos - my head burnt
|
||
as tho I were being branded by hot irons. I tried to repeat
|
||
my 8=3 oath, but got no further than ``a member of the body
|
||
of God'' -
|
||
|
||
Then I simply said I devote myself to the accomplishment of
|
||
the G.W. and to establish the Law of Thelema.
|
||
|
||
It was midnight when I slept and I never woke till 10 this
|
||
morning. Dreams - dreams - Astrid & Beast worried - Beast
|
||
very obscure - going somewhere but didn't seem to know. I so
|
||
uncertain, quite beyond myself. Two other men in the party.
|
||
|
||
My general impression is that I am not ready to take the
|
||
Oath properly yet. Am I trying to get out of it? I don't
|
||
know.
|
||
|
||
Got my coat and saw Suzanne - Heaven only knows what this
|
||
will lead to - but I did it. Anyway, the cook's a beauty and
|
||
the bed will be too.
|
||
|
||
Dec 21 A
|
||
12:42 AM After last entry - marketed - lost a franc on a
|
||
bunch of carrots (no I didn't go where the carrots were,
|
||
more's the pity!) Then a good fried - dress rehersal and out
|
||
in the blue dress to red home from 9:30 to 11:20 -
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
28
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Nothing doint & get I think I am doing something. What? Then
|
||
Pentagram and Pan Mantra - used Z's wand instead of Sword.
|
||
Cup of tea - bed.
|
||
|
||
3:40 AM Not a wink of sleep in me - not a bit of work in me
|
||
- What the hell shall I do - Just bad breathing & tummy
|
||
ache, but I can't be hungry. Perhaps I am - I've been day
|
||
dreaming about America and sensational landing. Those things
|
||
never come off.
|
||
|
||
I could bet most anything (except my new coat) that there is
|
||
something devilish going on somewhere among the Brethren
|
||
tonight. It may simply be A entering R, if this is the time,
|
||
if so, he's entering on a gallop. What news tomorrow? Very
|
||
excitement is that of operation, not of fear - But all sorts
|
||
of precautions arise.
|
||
|
||
12:30 PM A
|
||
Slept from 6 to 10 - wake heavy, hot, dazed, and generally
|
||
miserable. Up at 11:30 - out for coffee and milk.
|
||
|
||
Things to do
|
||
|
||
1. See fur woman for collar.
|
||
|
||
2. See S. About (?)
|
||
|
||
3. Fleischman
|
||
|
||
4. Noble re books
|
||
|
||
5. Mrs. Ficke?
|
||
|
||
1 PM - Pentagram Asana and Mantra(?) Thou who art I
|
||
|
||
1:03-1:05 Asana - back gives way - I find myself all bent up
|
||
- 3 times I straightened myself out - also - mind wanders to
|
||
all the things I've to do and didn't do - exp. the Stewart
|
||
Waiter failures. But as soon as I get over these something
|
||
else pops up. It is really much easier to be an Episenpalise
|
||
and get it all out in a ready-made prayer.
|
||
|
||
Started to get ready to go to Ella B. & Dome, but couldn't
|
||
do it. Blvd clicking - 2 grog Americans & home. Ate 3 huge
|
||
Mortadel sandwiches.
|
||
|
||
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||
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|
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29
|
||
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||
|
||
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||
|
||
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||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Dec 21 A
|
||
7:12 PM Though I've been complaining about too many unful-
|
||
filled oaths, I add another to the list:
|
||
|
||
``I hereby take an Oath to refrain from smoking for a period
|
||
of 7x9 days.'' (This brings us to Feb 22).
|
||
|
||
Dec 22 K
|
||
6:10 PM After last entry - went to bed and msbtd. for
|
||
Magical Partner. Ten minutes later - tap, tap, tap, the
|
||
Waiter to ask me to come up and dance. But I was all in so
|
||
didn't go tho I had qualms about it.
|
||
|
||
Then sleep till 9 AM - Went for milk and Dubonet and my
|
||
friend called me - Mme. treated me to a Dubonet. (Typewriter
|
||
man came! new ribbon). Later to tele. - I met the old
|
||
antique and his wife - They didn't ask me to sit down -
|
||
|
||
1. Fleishman - wrong no.
|
||
|
||
2. Noble - not home.
|
||
|
||
Called in (1) not home - left note. Had scrap re: Italian
|
||
men about dates -
|
||
|
||
Freudian forgetfullness -
|
||
|
||
Before going for milk, from time I woke until 11 on and off
|
||
|
||
Msbtd
|
||
|
||
Msbtd
|
||
|
||
Msbtd
|
||
|
||
like mad calling on Chaos -
|
||
|
||
E 1:10 AM
|
||
Well, I'm getting on or off - I don't know which? Went to my
|
||
original cafe - entered dancing and had 3 drinks and desert
|
||
for nothing.
|
||
|
||
Then to Mere Catharine - danced likehell - no drinks except
|
||
1 coffee. One police officer there! Told me that bronze wand
|
||
was too heavy - Date with him at 10 tomorrow evening.
|
||
Wonder?
|
||
|
||
1:31 AM Finish Call to invoke Chaos.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
30
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Dec 24 B
|
||
5:52 PM I must have been drugged last ngith. Sent petit blue
|
||
to Kitty K and to N.H. - neither has shown up. I cry like a
|
||
hound every so often - tho I did have about 1 hour's peace-
|
||
ful rest. Every time I think of the House business I nearly
|
||
go out of my mind and howl and howl. I've got to pull myself
|
||
together. I can, for a short time.
|
||
|
||
Dec 25 F
|
||
1:19 AM Just returned after trip with Kitty and Kennedy -
|
||
They came at about 10:30 - B My dear old Noble came in at 6:
|
||
bucked me up wonderfully and left me 10 fr. What a man he
|
||
is! I love him.
|
||
|
||
11:15 PM A peaceful day - just happy and calm and quiet.
|
||
|
||
Dec 26 C
|
||
Still shaky - Msbtd again this AM?? Mnstrn - 2nd day. Calm
|
||
but not?
|
||
|
||
8:45 PM 3 dr Anh. Lew. in 1/4 glass wine - after dinner and
|
||
walk (cigaretts not got) To worship Hadit.
|
||
|
||
Dec 27 G
|
||
2:20 AM Msbtd - Union with Chaos - my whole idea seems to
|
||
deplete my body absolutely so that I may lose my thoughts -
|
||
But I am all wrong. I am starved, but I shall start to love
|
||
tomorrow.
|
||
|
||
There will be no more masturbation - Prhaps there will be
|
||
insanity or death, but there'll be something, if I have to
|
||
create it myself.
|
||
|
||
2:40-2:48 Preliminary Invocation. Peaceful but not sleepy.
|
||
Breathing difficult.
|
||
|
||
3:55-3:58 (3 minutes) Prana
|
||
|
||
10-10 2 min
|
||
|
||
10-15-5 1 min
|
||
|
||
Dec 27 G 24 e.v.
|
||
These three days are mine, G, A, K. I have 50 francs - I
|
||
have food in the house - I have charcoal and wood - I have
|
||
plenty of work to do - It rains.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
31
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
What happens at the end of this 3 day period doesn't matter.
|
||
Nothing matters - now or ever. I drink the red wine with 4
|
||
dr. of A.L. in it, and read the Stele poetry from Cap. III
|
||
|
||
To Dome at 9 - after smoking 4 cigarettes and destroying ---
|
||
. I am a ... Another at Dome. Kennedy backing out of paint-
|
||
ing me. A grog and sandwich and oh how Willy loves me!
|
||
Souisse!! Abortions!! Death! Came home chilled - 2 grogs and
|
||
I'm as warm as toast.
|
||
|
||
Dec 28 A
|
||
11:35 AM Preliminary Invocation
|
||
|
||
Dec 29 K
|
||
12:34 AM Danced till noon.
|
||
|
||
12:25 AM This is the 3rd day. Wrote letters re Hause - Drank
|
||
- danced and now I'm ready for anything. Worries began again
|
||
- but not badly. To Dome at 12:45 - Met one Moissey Kogan -
|
||
Artist, Russian.
|
||
|
||
We went to Mlle. Selfers, studio (20 rue Boissonade) - she
|
||
weaves, then to his hotel, then to 2 exhibitions and finally
|
||
I came home. He's coming tomorrow - We'll see.
|
||
|
||
3:55 left ... and 1/2 glass cognac.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
32 |