106 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
106 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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³ MOO-JUICE ³
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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The Organ of the International MOOist Conspiracy
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Printed & Published by the Office of the Cardinal Richelieus
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ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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³ Theta-2 ³
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³ November 27th 1992 ³
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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The purpose of MOOism is probably not something most of us
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would try to theorize, although it has been written that it is to
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burn and to have fun. The classic purpose of religion was to bring
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people together to break through the human urge to kill all the
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other humans who are not the same as us. As everyone is different
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we need something to compensate for this difference. This was the
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first religion. It promoted survival of the individuals by
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promoting the survival of the group.
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(FROM THE SECOND BOOK OF APES : APES)
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When he had come upon the earth, the ape was naked and afraid. For
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comfort he picked up a stick, chewed the end to a point, and stuck
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it in a nearby living thing.
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When the living thing died, transfixed by the stick, the ape ate of
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its flesh and soon conceived a great hunger for the death of other
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living things.
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Thereupon the ape made many pointed sticks and stuck them into
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great multitudes of other living things, including, on occasion,
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other apes.
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For seven times seven generations of their race, the apes stuck
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pointed sticks into seven times seven generations of other living
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things.
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And there were seven times seven kinds of apes, and of this number
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there were brown apes, and black apes,
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And green apes, and red apes, and white apes, and yellow apes.
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And there were small apes and tall apes, and wide apes, and narrow
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apes, and thin apes, and fat apes.
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And swift apes, and slow apes, and strong apes, and weak apes, and
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clever apes and dull apes.
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And they all were killer apes.
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and by golly does this get long-winded... but the apes that were
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the same gang up and kill other types of apes, but the clever apes
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kill all the other apes. and these clever apes go on to give
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themselves names so they can tell each other apart to make it
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easier to kill your enemies (cuz their all clever apes now) and
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then they go on to name their race (man, of course). (from the book
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of apes : names).
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(FROM THE BOOK OF APES : GODS)
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so then they were killing things much more efficiently and suddenly
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had time to create THINGS. and finally somewhere near the beginning
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of chapter 3 our interest is again directed towards the writings
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themselves, after the imaginative apes ask all those questions...
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"Why does the rain not come just when we need it?"
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"And why is the hunting not always as good as it could be?"
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"And why does it seem that the grass grows greener on the other
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side of the valley?"
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And hearing these questions, the others became quite upset, saying,
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"We don't know, what's the answer, we're terribly confused."
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and about now the imaginative ones introduce GODS. and in chapter
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4 they become priests and demand sacrifices for these things. And
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then, in chapter 6, after seven years of plenty, there was no rain,
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and the wars went badly and so on, and so on. So the priests were
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besieged, and after 6 weeks...
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Which was way too long.
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But at last the priests triumphantly announced that they had an
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answer,
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And the people crowded around to listen, saying,
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"This had better be good."
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and the priests described how the old sacrifices were but petty
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change to a god, and that better was needed, and they smiled, and
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described temples and idols and monuments, with much writing upon
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them, commemorating the gods... and they described how to do
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this...
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And they praised the great, generous Gods who had made the earth
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and the seas and the beasts of the field,
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And who had made the cleverest of the apes into a powerful nation
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of priests and warriors and builders and writers,
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Which was the greatest gift of all,
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And which was called "CIVILIZATION".
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Indeed it would seem that MOOism brings together people of
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various groupings together under a single heading (which seems to
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be in some disfavour in Ottawa). For we too have our big apes and
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small apes and fast apes and slow apes and clever apes and red apes
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and brown apes. And we have built our own form of civilization, one
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which we feel is more realistic to our own expectations and
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livelihood than that of those in the other civilizations around us.
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(more on MOOist values and purposes in MOO-Juice Theta-3, which
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will be an appended stream of though essay stolen from Floyd Gecko)
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MOO-JUICE
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Organ of the International MOOist Conspiracy
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Courtesy of the Office of the Cardinal Richelieus |