45 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
45 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
CHURCH OF ELVIS DEMANDS EQUAL TIME
|
|
|
|
The founders of The Church of Elvis have demanded a mandate to require that at
|
|
any public event held on public property in Baton Rouge Louisiana where
|
|
invocations are inflicted by members of the Great American Christian Jihad, that
|
|
an equal amount of time be allowed for an invocation proffered by the followers
|
|
of the teachings of St. Elvis Aron Presley.
|
|
|
|
The Louisiana Legislature recently passed legislation allowing voluntary student
|
|
led prayer in public schools. Church officials hailed this legislation believing
|
|
it would finally afford them the opportunity to reach high-school students who
|
|
are ripe for worship of the flesh.
|
|
|
|
Fundamentalist Christian interests are expected to decry this move as an
|
|
unacceptable application of the fairness doctrine. Church of Elvis officials are
|
|
confident that if any persons shall be required to submit to the orations of
|
|
worshipers of a dead man named Jesus,that others can sit quietly and consider
|
|
the orations of worshipers of a living lord like Elvis.
|
|
|
|
Members of the Church of Elvis have many feast days in the church,and celebrate
|
|
the life of their King. The church promotes Freedom,Food, and Sexuality as its
|
|
trinity. Many of the members have been worshiping in secret, and are happy that
|
|
the law is now opening doors for them to share their belief openly. Many of them
|
|
are believed to be on the rolls of protestant churches only for social reasons,
|
|
knowing the truth and worshiping the Lord Elvis privately.
|
|
|
|
As was written in the book of Elvis, "I am but a HunkaHunka burnin' love" and
|
|
"Don't be Cruel"
|
|
|
|
Such beatitudes are celebrated by faithful followers of Elvis who are beginning
|
|
to assert themselves and their right to public professions of faith now that the
|
|
Fundamentalist Christians have demanded that the government become a Christian
|
|
Theocracy.
|
|
|
|
Elvisites report that they "think that may be good, but if we go to a Theocracy,
|
|
we need to afford free drugs, sex, and rock-n-roll to all, including the poor
|
|
and destitute, and the rich and stuck-up."
|
|
|
|
Officials of the Church of Elvis were not available for comment. The
|
|
Archbishop's butler said he was at the beach with Elvis today considering
|
|
whether to accept a nomination for the presidency. When asked what he thought of
|
|
the mandate, he said, "It is good. Praise Elvis!"
|
|
|