408 lines
22 KiB
Plaintext
408 lines
22 KiB
Plaintext
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$ HOLY TEMPLE of MASS CONSUMPTION $$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$$ *N*E*W*S* $$$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$ Issue #12: Free Money $$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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the best things in life are F R E E
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F R E E
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For more info, send all your money to: ***********************************
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* AUTHENTIC SACRED RELICS *
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Holy Temple of Mass Consumption * 22nd SubAtomic Dobbs Devival *
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PO Box 30904 * enclosed in random mailings *
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Raleigh, NC 27622 * May include: Devival fliers *
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* Cards from Overman pinata' *
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NEWS since the last time: * Dobbs-blood soaked MONEY... *
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***********************************
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PHENOMICON '92 in Atlanta: DOBBS DEVIVAL - heads successfully launched!
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Possibly the best convention yet to hit Atlanta- with tons of conspiracies,
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vampires, sleaze, face-fucking bats, and SLACK-ful anti-music supplied by the
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Swingin' Love Corpses Anti-Music Dissemination Corp and Recreational
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Chemical Analysis Brigade. Terrific videos too- with 2 fantastic 24-hour
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movie rooms...and the Bob Tilton Fart Video. Full-scale devival included:
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Rev. Ivan Stang, Sister Mary Squared, Papa Joe Mama, Janor Hypercleats, and
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a host of others performing schisms, miracles, rants, launchings, and
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"Bob" killings. Don't miss this next year! Memorable quotes:
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Sister Susie the Floozie:
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"Without slack, life is like a bowl of shit with the handle on the inside"
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Sister Mary Squared: "Feed me, pet me, milk me, eat me."
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Janor Hypercleats: "To join the Church of Don, you must TAKE A LIFE!!"
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Rev. Ivan Stang: "Haven't they released those bats YET?"
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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Comics: Fabulous Furry Freak Bros. #12 by Sheldon and Mavrides
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Rip-Off Press - PO Box 4686
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Auburn, CA 95604 (also ask for 1992 Fall/Holiday catalog)
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Savage Henry #23, Tequila with Clint Ruin. (Also from Rip-Off Press)
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Ren & Stimpy #2, Marvel comics. Sick and twisted, as it should be.
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387 Park Ave. South, NY 10016
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****** The Church of Tina Chopp has transmutated into....... ********
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The Church of Hemp! Dedicated to fight to re-legalize the
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PO Box 1511 sacred Cannabis plant! Still with the
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Bellingham, WA 98227-1511 GREAT Jack Chick-ripoff comic books!!
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Also check out the book "The Emperor Wears No Clothes" by Jack Herer,
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$14.95, available from: Help End Marijuana Prohibition, 5632 Van Nuys
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Blvd #210, Van Nuys, CA 91401 (213) 392-1806
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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This news article was transcribed during a trance session. Mr. Ambasgun,
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completely zonked on 'Frop [TM] (Trade Name for Hazafropzipulops Herb Blend),
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apparently viewed it precognitively during a trance rant at the Chicago chapter
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of The Clench of the Stark Fist of Removal. T_Deacon transcribed the session,
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with annotations by T_Rev.
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BYRNE AND BYRNE BURN BYRNE, THEN BURN
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CHICAGO(UPI) - The bodies of famed entertainer David Byrne, comic book writer
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John Byrne, and former Chicago mayor Jane Byrne were identified this morning as
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apparent victims of a murder-suicide pact at the former site of the 3 Penny
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Theatre. Firefighters were alerted by the theatre's fire alarms almost
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immediately, but their attempts to control the blaze proved futile as the
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structure burned to the ground.
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The bodies were found near a locked iron box, which escaped the flames
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undamaged. The box contained old campaign posters, several recent issues of
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_Superman_, and Laurie Anderson's album, _Home of the Brave_. Police
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detectives also discovered an encrypted note describing in detail the motive
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and means of the murder. "It appears that John Byrne, in his final effort to
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subjugate women, enlisted the aid of the musician in a bizarre plot to protest
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women in politics and boost his employer's sagging sales in the comics
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industry," said police captain Margaret Sawyer. On the subject of the
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murder/suicide's details, Captain Sawyer explains, "It was a pretty grisly
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scene. We believe that John and David immolated the ex-Mayor, then doused
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the theatre with gasoline and set it ablaze, dying on their own pyre."
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Preliminary autopsy reports, including dental records, indicate a strong
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resemblance between Ms. Byrne and supposedly deceased Chicago political
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"Boss" Richard Daley. Pop psychologist Eric Berne, author of _I'm OK,
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You're OK_, was unavailable for comment.
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The comics and music industries have been badly shaken by the news. DC Comics
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released a statement that performance artist Laurie Anderson will take over
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the plotting and scripting of _Superman_. Many changes are in store for
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Anderson's Man of Steel. Anderson said, "As my new colleague Chris Claremont
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pointed out, 'Is there any reason why this character _can't_ be a woman?'
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I'll be exploring the implications of this in the months to come."
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Aforementioned comics writer Chris Claremont will be taking over David Byrne's
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mantle as songwriter/lead singer of the rock group Talking Heads. "I
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believe that the band will be reissuing _Life During Wartime_, and I personally
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have an idea for a Jerry Harrison limited series. Crossover characters will
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probably include Wolverine, Kitty Pryde, and Janet Van Dyne. Also, Louise
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[Simonson] has suggested that Power Pack be included."
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A lead to a possible link between the tragedy and a pornography ring
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based in the harbors of Chicago is being pursued. Any citizens having
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relevant infomation should contact the Chicago Police Department.
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[Soul-saving graphics here]
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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"You'll pay to know what you really think" - Dobbs
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I'm here to quote various SubGenii sources and do a mini-Rant while waiting for
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Stang or someone to come rant for a while. Thanks to BoB TeCH (or however
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it's capitalized these days) for the group and the first introductory rant.
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Perhaps someday soon I'll do a real rant, for now though, I'll slack off...
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"We lie constantly and DO NOT TRICK YOU. The Conspiracy lies constantly and
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TRICKS YOU. We talk in absolutely _no-bullshit_ fashion about a FUCKED-UP
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WORLD, and the Conspiracy hems and haws and bullshits and FUCKS THE WORLD UP"
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- St. Clair McNutt non-pervert and Dad, in the _Stark_Fist_of_Removal_,
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"A Short Hate Rant On The Word "FUCK" And The New Child Sex"
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"`Bob's` surreavolutionary doctrine of PATRIO-PSYCHOTIC ANARCHO-MATERIALISM
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has found ever-larger number of zealous adherents despite relentless
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persecution by the FBI and other robot engines of the Conspiracy"
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- SubGenuis propaganda pamphlet
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For those of you who have not achieved slack, have not attended devivals and
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do not understand Bulldada, there is time. Yes, For J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is the
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perfect "Bob" to ask when you need someone to cut you some SLACK. He alone,
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I say that he ALONE represents on Earth the true manifestation of SLACK so
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necessary to the SubGenuis.
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Take the first step in fighting of the Conspiracy and avoiding the pinks.
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Quit your Job! Slack Off!
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dammit
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[Neuro-hypnotic graphics at the bottom of this page]
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Prom Night Do you get tongue-tied, flustered,
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and turn to jello when an
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Johnny was excited. Prom night was attractive woman propositions
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finally here. He had been waiting for you? Well, world-famous author
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this day for two months. His knees were Snavely Patch is here to help
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shaking. "Is she gonna like me? Geesh, I you with his highly acclaimed
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hate first dates. Why did I have to make manual.....
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our first date Prom?" He donned his
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tuxedo and went down stairs.
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HOW TO SAY
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"Doesn't our little boy look so grown up!" "NO" TO WOMEN
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"Mom...stop that. When are you going to
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let me grow up?"
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"She means well son. Come here a minute, [graphic]
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I want to talk to you," his dad said as he
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ushered him off to the corner. "You need
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some money?"
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YOU WILL LEARN:
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"No dad. Well on second thought I could
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use a little, 'ncase I run out of gas or * Humiliating put-downs that
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somthing." will devastate women so
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thoroughly they will think
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"No sweat, how about a $50?...That's twice before ever molesting
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what I thought. Uh... Johnny, do you have you again
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your party hat?"
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* Rejections that don't
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"Dad, nobody wears top hats anymore, sound corny.
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c'mon..geesh!"
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* Subtle reflex maneuvers for
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"No Johnny, what I mean is, well, uh... diverting their grasp from
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Are you planning to fuck your date tonight? your genitalia.
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"Oh. Yes Dad I have my Party Hat." * Where all the "icebergs"
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Johnny couldn't believe it. His dad, never hang out
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acted like this before. "Prom must be
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something special," he said to himself as * 101 uses for a properly
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he left to get his date. "After all, it slung sidearm.
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isn't every night that a Catholic priest
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offers to give his illegitimate son condoms CALL BEFORE MIDNIGHT - $29.95
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to fuck his companion on their first date. Visa/MC/AmEx 1-800-555-BLOW
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A GOVERNMENT DOES NOT HAVE TO
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[more graphics] PUT CHAINS ON PEOPLE WHO WILL
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PUT THEM ON THEMSELVES. WHAT
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ARE YOU CHAINED TO?
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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[Blatant ad for:]
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Church of the SUBGENIUS
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Radio Show
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12pm Sunday Night
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KZSU 90.1 FM
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[Great graphics by Dr. Howl]
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Subject: Illuminatus Official Doc. 46364
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Organization: A.I.S.B., Jim Jones Cabal, Sphere of Bureaucracy,
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Age of the Yog-Sathoth.
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Keywords:
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I'm afraid there have been some rumours floating around that the Ancient Illumi-
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nated Seers of Bavaria have had a hand in 1. Kennedy's Assasination, 2.
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George Bush's Public Vomiting, and 3. The Church of the SubGenius founding, and
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administration.
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We here at the Jim Jones Cabal would like to get a few things straight
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right now. We HAVE NEVER been a part of the JFK assasination, except for
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hiring the killers, co-ercing the CIA and the Dallas Police into 'turning the
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other way' for us, getting Lee Harvey Oswald to play the part of Dupe and take
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the fall for the whole thing, securing the weapons and ammo., getting the
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killers into position, hypnotising all of the members of the Warren Commision,
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blackmailing Oliver Stone into putting out "JFK" to further cloud the issue,
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and coming up with alt.conspiracy so that our little mis-information games
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could continue.
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We at the A.I.S.B. however are entirely responsible for the LHO
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shooting though. After all, he was the Head Honcho for the Chaos branch of
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the A.I.S.B. and we couldn't allow him to remain alive.
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We hope you understand.
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As for George Bush's Public Vomiting, except for one of our Secret
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Service contacts slipping a canister full of synthetic Stomach Flu virus
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into the Presidential Suite two nights before, we did nothing.
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The Flu was synthesized at the POEE's SphincterZone Labs in Umbrage,
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Vermintown, Atalantis (which is, BTW, the official name of Atlantis, which
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is the commonly used name). We have had the labs check the Prime Minister of
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Japan Brother Oliver Stone is hard at work on this one as well.
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The Church of the SubGenius, though, is another bowl of tumours
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entirely. The Church has been completely infiltrated by the A.I.S.B. and
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is being finely tuned to bring the majority of those identifying themselves
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as "the SubGenii", mostly college aged males, into line with official
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A.I.S.B. and POEE mindset. Thus, as has been hypothesized before, the Church
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of the SubGenius and all of its publications, trademarks, and upper ecshelon
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are all Illunminatus puppets. "Bob" himself, who was, according to Jim Jones
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files, born in Gary, Indiana in 1403 and 1924, and was killed officially, only
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once, on May 23, 1985 (5/23/85 for all you numerology buffs), was first
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conceived, in vitrio, in the same SphincterZone Labs.
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The date for X-day; July 5, 1998; has been set, because that is
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the day when the Eschaton will be immenantized. On this day, the Illuminati
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will return to South America, and the Cracking of the Great Pyramid will
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occur, taking all of the Illuminati to the safe havens under the ground.
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This is where all of the SubGenius fantasies of the X-ists came from.
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Unfortunately, we have already chosen the desirables from the UnFit, so
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becoming a card-carrying member is pretty pointless. This doesn't mean,
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however, that you should stop sending money; it goes to pay for our
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doughnuts.
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Sorry.
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Novus Ordo Seclorum --><--
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Prince Reverend Doktor Lord Sam Widgets of Pendleton; Prince of the Milky
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Way; Doktor of the Forbidden Sciences; Grand Master of the Ancient Illuminated
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Seers of Bavaria, Jim Jones Cabal; Wise Siviast of the Ancient and Primitive
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Memphis-Misraim Rite; Knight of the Black Cross of the Ancient and Accepted
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Scottish Rite; Magister Templi (8=3) of the Ancient and Noble Guardians of the
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Rosy Cross.
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C. Arnold gorilla@cats.ucsc.edu
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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FACTSHEET FIVE
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Electronic version is now available.
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Finally, the fantastic zine listing/review magazine that went to shit after
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Mike Gunderloy left it is *BACK AGAIN*, but for the time being, only for
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people with Internet access.
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To subscribe, send e-mail to: jerod23@well.sf.ca.us
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Updates, issues, or both methods are available; specify what you want on
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the subject line. Updates are sent out as they are completed, issue
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subscriptions will have 20-30 messages sent out all at once to your mailbox.
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An issue subscription will generally insure that large file won't be lost.
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Printed versions may be available later.
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|
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----------------------------- R A V E S ------------------------------------
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SOUNDSHOCK presents | SAT DEC 5 - Groove to Moove 2
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"earth 2 elvis" | 10pm-230am at Cedar's, downtown
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| Youngstown, OH. Call for directions
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Fryday * December 4th | (216) 743-6560. Cedar's is a little
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Hosts: Rick Phifer & Graflin | bar in BFE but the first Groove to
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One for the money...Two for the Show! | Moove night was a BLAST so you'd
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Been away too long...It's time to | better come out for this one. Live
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TECH * TECH * TECHNO!!! | performances by Body Release, Big
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"LIVE" Elvis | Engine. DJ's: Mike Filly (Cleveland),
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| Nik Popa (Akron)
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DJs: O'Die from Memphis |---------------------------------------
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DAZ from Memphis | SAT DEC 12 - Jive Alive and the
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Chip B from Nashville | Everlasting Gobstopper. Nashville TN
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with T-Zer Visual Attacks | Info: (615) 780-3730
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|---------------------------------------
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Smart Bar by Flip & Dip | Fallout Shelter - 2 S. West St.
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50000 Watts of Sound by Space Bass | Raleigh, NC. Mondays and Wednesdays
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$10 Cover * $12 w/o invite | Industrial Dance Nights
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Lights & Visuals by Technocolor |---------------------------------------
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Live performance by SoundShock | 88.1FM WKNC Raleigh, NC - Night Waves
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Omni New Daisy on Beale Street | Wednesdays feature rave music, but
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info 901.763.8064 | ignore Spam&Eggs, the reviewers
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*** Memphis, TN *** |---------------------------------------
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| Depot - Raves with U.N.I.T.Y.
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---------------------------------------| 300 E. Washington St, off Market St.
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ELECTRONIC RAVES LISTINGS: | Greensboro, NC
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SE-RAVES, southeast coast. |---------------------------------------
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to subscribe, send an empty message | Wilmington, NC: Metropolis
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to: dickendj@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu | Located 1 block back from docks
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with subject: "SUBSCRIBE SE-RAVES" |---------------------------------------
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MW-RAVES - midwestern region | Detroit: VOOM rave in the basement of
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to subscribe, send an empty message | the "Bank". First date is Sat, Nov 21
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to: ajbennett@miavx1.ac.muohio.edu | FOR INFO, CALL (313) 433-2129
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with subject: SUBSCRIBE |
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===============================================================================
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C O N V E N T I O N S
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December 11-13, 1992 (Louisiana)
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SMOFCON 9. Doubletree Hotel, New Orleans LA. Convention for convention
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organizers. Memb: $40 until 9/30/92, more after (checks payable to
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William Jensen). Info: William Jensen, 8331 Donoghue St., New
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Carrollton MD 20784.
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Sing-song of the dead
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@@@@@@^^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^^@@@@@@@@ ---------------------
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@@@@@ @@@@@@ An (ahem) original work.
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@@@@ w ww wi @@@@@ (c) 1990 by Senkrad Latot.
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@@@, ~ ~~ ~I @@@@
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@@@' ; ,-@< @@@@ I saw Elvis selling candy to the
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@@@ _eW@@@ `@@@ children on the corner
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@@@ @@@@@@@q j@@@@@@@ O @@@ He grinned and winked at me
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@@@ @@@@@@@@w___,w@@@@@@@@ @ @@@ Right then, I knew he wasn't dead
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@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ } @@@ He and Mr. Freedom drink tea at Mae's
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@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I @@@ on Sundays
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@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@*@[ i @@@ Don't ask me how I know
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@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@~ ; @@@ The proof is in my head
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@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@[] | ]@@@
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@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@[][ | @@@ Buddy Holly cuts my hair-
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@@@ ~_._ ~@@@@@@@~ ____~ @ @@@ he's got a knack for it
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@@@ ;;- `@@@@@' @@@ Just a bit of a snip or two
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@@@ _~ ,en, `@@@~ en `@ ]l J@@@ He always gets it right
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@@@ -()- @@@/ _-()- @ ]L @@@ Morrison sacks groceries at the
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@@@ , @@w@ww+ @@@ww``,,@w@ ][ @@@@ five-and-dime on Bellevue
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@@@ . @@ @ @@@~-zz..@@@ ][ @@@@ You really can't tell that it's him
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@@@, @@@@www@@@ @@@@@@@ww@@@@@[ @@@@ Unless the light is right
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@@@. @@@@&&&@@@ @@&@@@@@@@@@@@[ @@@@
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@@@@ || @@@@@@P' @@Q@@@@@@@@@@@[:C@@@@ Saw Stevie Ray on Jeopardy--
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@@@@_ @@@@@@ @@ @@@@@@@@@@ ;$@@@@ he came in second place
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@@@@@w| '@@P~ ,@@@@-w, wU@@w'],@@@@@@ Didn't know all the answers
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@@@@@@ @@ P]@@@=~j ~Y@@^ ] @@@@@@ But still he played the game
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@@@@@@_ !@@t+ ~~ ]]@@@@@@ Janice J. and Jimi own a KAO in Flagstaff
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@@@@@@[ - -J@@T# @@@@@@ They run an honest business
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@@@@@@@,@ @@, _,,,,,,,y ,w@@[ ,@@@@@@@ Though they don't use their real names
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@@@@@@@ @ @@ C !@@ @@@@@@@
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@@@@@@@@ i @w. ====--_@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ Some day soon the dead
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@@@@@@@@ @2' '@@@@~ @@@@@@@@ will arise
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@@@@@@@@@`,P~ / ~^^^^Y@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ before your eyes
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@@@@@@@@@@. y @@@@ @@@@@@@@@ to your surprise
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@@@^^=^@@^ ^' .@@@@@ _@@@@@@@@@@ But not mine
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@@ , ,ww,w@@@@ _@@@@@@@@@@@
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@@_xJw w , @@@@@@@&~_@@@@@@@@@@@@ They'll have a word or two
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@ @~ ~ ,@ @@@@@@@P _@@@@@@@@@@@@@ for all you grievers
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@ U. ,@@@,_____ _,J@@@@@@@@@@@@@ non-believers
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@ v; @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ deceivers
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@L `' ,@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Of your own depressing minds
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@~ _-@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
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@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ They will say "Be happy
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don't worry
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Holy Temple of no hurry
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Mass Consumption mustn't scurry
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PO Box 30904 Around feeling down--it's all wrong
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Raleigh, NC 27622
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"We should all be living
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"Why No Holy Vegetable?" for the day
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let us play
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'cause if we may
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We'd like to have you join us in a song"
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[George Bush La la la la la la la .....
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graphics here]
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Liberace is dead
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I saw him die
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And I don't know why
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