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From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Abut A/R
Date & Time: 10/01/89 23:30:55
Message Number 1
Welcome to aLTER rEALITY! This system is in the throes of startup,
and is somewhat hampered by the fact that the computer it's
running on is lacking certain vital organs (like a SCREEN!),
so any peculiar problems you may experience are going to have to
be suffered along with for a while...
Anyway, this section is for general chatter of an indeterminate
nature. (This, of course, should be obvious.)
Oh yes... the system hours are 11PM-5PM 7 days a week. Try not
to call between 5 and 11.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: This section...
Date & Time: 10/01/89 23:34:24
Message Number 2
...is the computer/electronics technical forum. Users of all
types of computers are invited to discuss technical topics here,
from lowly 4-bit fanatics to mainframe hackers.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: This section...
Date & Time: 10/01/89 23:35:42
Message Number 3
...is for controversial topics. Any sort of debate is welcome
here; feel free to start new topics or reply to any that may currently
exist. In fact, to get the ball rolling, here's one for you:
Should this country continue its current plan to produce the
outrageously expensive B-2 Stealth bomber? Does this aircraft
actually have a use in life, and if so, what is it? Is it worth the
money?
Operators are standing by...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: This section...
Date & Time: 10/01/89 23:38:17
Message Number 4
...is like it says. Discussions of books and movies. Is simple, no?
===========
From: TURTLE
To: YELLOW
Subject: Here...
Date & Time: 10/01/89 23:42:04
Message Number 5
...may be found all sorts of oddness, much like, say, Lassie, only
much, much different; perhaps like what Lassie would be if he
were a twelve-foot-tall fire-breathing toaster oven instead of,
as he is more commonly depicted, an excessively cute and lovable Collie,
which he in fact is, and therefore can't really breathe fire
at all, which is kind of too bad as it could present all sorts
of neat plot developments to the TV show's script writers; but
perhaps that's a good thing after all, since it'd look really
dumb ona limited edition McDonald's lunch pail.
Get the drift...?
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: This section...
Date & Time: 10/01/89 23:45:27
Message Number 6
...is for Furry fandom. Donthen is nominally the subop of this
area, although he may not realize it yet; fair turnabout for
getting Turtle into this furry thing in the first place. Address
comments to him, preferably in (a) Latin or (b) four-letter
monosyllables.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: De section here
Date & Time: 10/01/89 23:49:19
Message Number 8
...is like de sign sez. "Coming Events." Anything upcoming should
go here...BBS meetings, concerts, cons, whatever. Turtle will
try to maintain a list of laser shows at the Bishop Planetarium
here (never been to one? Well, why not? They're very good,
fairly cheap, and well worth watching!)
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: And finally...
Date & Time: 10/01/89 23:51:15
Message Number 9
Flames and Complains. Random spewing and whatnot. Gotta
beef? Put it here. Nobody else will care, but it might amuse
(or outrage) somebody.
Editor's Note: There might be some crossover between this area
and the others. If so, oh well.
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: TURTLE
Subject: Hours
Date & Time: 10/02/89 02:39:15
Message Number 10
Thats fine, I sleep during those hours. Us psychotic nightstalkers
gotta stick together...
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Here...
Date & Time: 10/02/89 09:41:03
Message Number 11
I walk into the board surrounded by a bunch of fire-breathing toasters.
I see a Collie. I kill him. I go home and go to sleep. Your friend,
Baxioh.
===========
From: YNGLING
To: ALL
Subject: books
Date & Time: 10/03/89 01:17:48
Message Number 12
Has anyone read the new ST novel by Dillard, "The Lost Years?" I want
to hear whether or not its any good before I dish out $17.95. Well?
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: YNGLING
Subject: books
Date & Time: 10/03/89 05:05:18
Message Number 13
It's not worth half that.
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: books
Date & Time: 10/03/89 10:03:50
Message Number 14
Yes, but have you actually read it, or are you just assuming it's not
worth that much?....
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Helen Keller...
Date & Time: 10/02/89 17:19:19
Message Number 15
...BBSing is turning into a somewhat problematic excercise. For
example, Donthen informs me that the menus for the Files area have
somehow gone away, which is OK because the files area doesn't really
exist yet. Oh well. I should be getting a new video chip for this
machine sometime next week (it had to be ordered from Texas), at which
time I can start straightening out some of the quirks you may have run
into and actually do neat things like be available for chatting and keep
an eye on what's going on. (I am trying not to leave this system on
autopilot, even though I frequently have to use a friend's computer
to call this one any time I want to do something with it...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Later...
Date & Time: 01/02/89 18:17:25
Message Number 16
The F]iles command now works correctly; however, due to technical
difficulties the aLTER rEALITY library will be closed until further
notice. Thank you.
===========
From: PSYCHE
To: TURTLE
Subject: Laser shows
Date & Time: 10/03/89 23:56:23
Message Number 17
Speaking of which, are there ever Laser Light Shows featuring The Alan
Parsons Project? Forget RUSH... Speaking of Bishop Planetarium, are you
an astronomy buff? There is a massive star "party"/observing session at
Myakka State Park this Saturday night. Interested? My voice number is
924-8033.
I'm the guy forcing that chessic dilemma down your throat. Perhaps we
might play some on Saturday???
===========
From: PSYCHE
To: YNGLING
Subject: books
Date & Time: 10/04/89 00:02:43
Message Number 18
Ever read "The Lost $17.95?" Neither have I. I just wanted to butt
in. Let's play GO.
===========
From: PSYCHE
To: TURTLE
Subject: Helen Keller...
Date & Time: 10/04/89 00:05:25
Message Number 19
Sckriqu? Tahw sckriqu?
===========
From: PSYCHE
To: TURTLE
Subject: Stealth
Date & Time: 10/04/89 00:10:22
Message Number 20
It is definitely worth the money. If everyone had them, they would
not be able to afford bombs! Really though - the Stealth is outrageous.
Now that the good old USSR is turning over a new leaf, don't you think
that we should get rid of ALL of our weapons? Yeah. And let's donate
them to the Youth in Asia so that they can kill themselves if they're
not satisfies with their government. Or we can be unconstitutional and
burn some fags. Let's hear some serious debating. Come on - or aren't
you as informed as I?
===========
From: YNGLING
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: books
Date & Time: 10/04/89 00:54:45
Message Number 22
Did you read it or are you just making an assumption based on personal
opinion?
===========
From: YNGLING
To: PSYCHE
Subject: go
Date & Time: 10/04/89 00:55:58
Message Number 23
You have a one track mind. :)
===========
From: YNGLING
To: ALL
Subject: Stealth weapons
Date & Time: 10/04/89 00:58:52
Message Number 24
An interesting idea proposed in Tom Clancy's latest book "Clear and
Present Danger" is the necessity for "stealth bombs" for the stealth
bomber to prevent a radar return off the bomber's ordnance load.
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: PSYCHE
Subject: Stealth
Date & Time: 10/04/89 08:57:47
Message Number 25
> Or we can be unconstitutional and burn some fags.
Do you know a guy who goes by "the Specialist"? Never mind.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: PURPLE POLKADOTS
Subject: Do the Polka!
Date & Time: 10/04/89 14:28:49
Message Number 26
I sit on my chair and am propelled to new worlds, new galaxies;
I make sound, yet am silent. I shout, no one hears me through their
ears, but a select few through their eyes. Chaos? Randomness? No --
it is not OUR logic, but theirs -- but logic remains. Logic remains,
but truth? What is truth? Is our truth necessarily theirs? Nay, I say
unto you; nay. Unicorns may trot in this world; a gryphon may be
surrounded by skyscrapers. The lion may lie down with the lamb, but
only one shall rise. A world of knowledge that exists not in the mind
of any one person, but of a multiple. Mind-links bridge the gap between
humans, humanoids, and intelligent life! No one person controlls the
world, but all are gods, and all wrestle with creation. No triunity,
but polyunity. No Three in a perpetual menage a trois, but a constantly
expanding and contracting orgasmic creation ritual.
Gods, I've got to quit trying this stuff...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: Y'ALL
Subject: What board?
Date & Time: 10/04/89 14:34:54
Message Number 27
When I logged onto this board, I got an "Alter Reality" script --
but the New User information was geared to the Wyvern's Den. Which
board did I call?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: Y'ALL
Subject: GRATE DEBATE!
Date & Time: 10/04/89 14:37:54
Message Number 28
Okay, okay... the great debate. What are you-all's opinions on the
abortion question? Should the special congress Martinez set up restrict
abortions, or should they expand them?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: TURTLE
To: PSYCHE
Subject: Lasers+Bishops
Date & Time: 10/04/89 15:00:23
Message Number 29
Well, I (possibly) won't be around this weekend, so the odds of playing
a game aren't terribly encouraging.
"Chessic dilemma..." I like that. I'm considering any one of about 5
different things I can do, all of them bad. Sigh.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: YNGLING
Subject: Stealth weapons
Date & Time: 10/04/89 15:03:30
Message Number 30
A peculiar problem with Stealth-type weapons in general is that they
can't be radar-guided--the radar signature they would emit would nullify
any advantages the Stealth design presented in the first place. So that
pretty much leaves out "smart" weapons (unless they're laser-guided, an
idea that hasn't worked out terribly well in the past), as well as
terrain following radar (unless it's /really/ low power, in which case
you do what the B-1 does and "execute a controlled flight into terrain"
a lot...), active EW devices, air-to-air radar...
Stealth: A bad idea whose time is coming...

===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL INTERESTED
Subject: Laser shows!!
Date & Time: 10/04/89 15:08:40
Message Number 31
The new schedule of laser shows at the Bishop Planetarium:
Oct. 6,7,8: Pink Floyd The Wall
Oct. 13,14,15: Pink Floyd The Wall
Oct. 20,21,22: Van Halen
Nov. 3,4,5: "What's Hot"
Nov. 10,11,12: The Rolling Stones
All shows are 9PM, 10:30 PM, and Midnight on Fri and Sat, 6 PM only
on Sunday, except "Pink Floyd The Wall" which is 9 PM, 11 PM, and
1 AM on Fri and Sat, and 6 PM on Sunday. All thickets are $4.25
at Ticketmaster outlets or at the door.
I heartily recommend seeing some of these shows, especially if
you've never seen one before.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: What board?
Date & Time: 10/04/89 15:12:49
Message Number 32
Hmm. It's hard to use a text editor when your computer has no screen...
still, I didn't think it was THAT close. When (if?) I can ever see
what I'm doing a great deal of this board will be subject to change
(including the software, once I set that disassembler loose on it.)
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Memory disks...
Date & Time: 10/04/89 15:19:05
Message Number 33
...SUCK!! The New User File, which, like most of the rest of this
system, is running from a memory disk, WAS in fact changed to an
A/R file some time ago...HOWEVER, certain moronic reptiles didn't
dump the memdisk to a floppy disk after changing it...SO, last time I
turned off the machine and re-loaded the memdisk from floppy, the
original file was back...AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Do the Polka!
Date & Time: 10/04/89 15:48:32
Message Number 35
What would happen if Twinkies had that cream on the outside and cake on
the inside? And just what is SPAM??
===========
From: PSYCHE
To: YNGLING
Subject: go
Date & Time: 10/04/89 23:05:20
Message Number 36
Okay - let's bitch at each other's ideas over this damn board.
Whad'dya wanna argue about?
===========
From: PSYCHE
To: DONTHEN
Subject: Stealth
Date & Time: 10/04/89 23:07:26
Message Number 37
Please elaborate.
===========
From: PSYCHE
To: RUFUS
Subject: SPAM
Date & Time: 10/04/89 23:14:32
Message Number 39
Sauteed Pork Anus Meat.
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: And finally...
Date & Time: 10/05/89 03:57:02
Message Number 40
I will, of course, be right at home in here, being by nature, a
notorious rabblerouser and chronic troublemaker.
===========
From: SAURON
To: ALL
Subject: Misogeny
Date & Time: 10/05/89 04:06:02
Message Number 41
All female brain cells in the United States of America could fit in
Jane Fonda's birth canal, with enough room left over for 27 peaches and
an entire North Vietnamese regiment.
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: stainless steel
Date & Time: 10/05/89 04:10:09
Message Number 42
I wish to extend my good wishes to Turtle on this sparkling new
venture. Another worthy addition to the BBS community.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: Do the Polka!
Date & Time: 10/05/89 12:14:59
Message Number 44
If twinkies had their cream on the outside, there'd be a lot of
sticky fingers in the universe. (Except, of course, in a few lesser-
known topological universes... where you'd WANT the cake on the inside.)
What is SPAM? No one knows. (By the way, does anyone actually eat
the stuff?) All I know is: I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM.
Question for the minute: What would chairs look like if our knees
bent the other way? (Wait a minute -- equines don't need chairs...
make that YOUR knees bent the other way.)
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: SAURON
Subject: stainless steel
Date & Time: 10/05/89 12:20:46
Message Number 45
Hear! Hear! (Or is it Here! Here!? Whatever...) Turtle -- did you
celebrate the "new addition" by breaking a bottle of champagne over
the computer yet?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Do the Polka!
Date & Time: 10/05/89 15:24:54
Message Number 48
Well, my parents once picked up a twelve pack of deviled spam, which
looks like spam accelerated to mach 7 then slammed through a screen into
a blender.... And speaking of chairs..I have this tail which causes
major problems, esp. at the movies...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: stainless steel
Date & Time: 10/05/89 17:29:09
Message Number 49
>Did you celebrate the "new addition" by breaking a bottle of
>champagne over the computer yet?
Nope; that'd be a real bad idea. The computer, as it is right now, is
a bare PC board connected to a rack of disk drives and a whole bunch
of wires and stuff. Until I get a replacement for the screen chip, I
won't bother to put it all back together. (It's sort of a post-modern,
deconstructionalist statement; it reduces the notion of "computer"
to its bare elements...) The VT-52 sitting next to it is, of
course, simply an artistic counterpoint.
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Drugs
Date & Time: 10/06/89 14:55:49
Message Number 50
What're you on man?
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/06/89 14:56:44
Message Number 51
I'm definitely against abortion.
<RIGHT TO LIFE>
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: TURTLE
Subject: The Wall
Date & Time: 10/06/89 14:58:02
Message Number 52
Nobody will notice if I go high, will they? I've always wanted to be
stoned while watching the Wall, LASER!
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/06/89 18:33:54
Message Number 53
>I'm definitely against abortion.
That's because you don't have to deal with the problems associated with
an unwanted pregnancy and have probably never been in a position where
someone close to you has had to deal with it, either.
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: stainless steel
Date & Time: 10/07/89 01:59:17
Message Number 54
To say nothing of the fact that screws up a perfectly good bottle of
wine.
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: TURTLE
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/07/89 03:24:54
Message Number 56
I'm afraid you're wrong there. I knew someone very dear to me that was
faced with that decision, but thats really none of your business.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/06/89 17:00:04
Message Number 57
You're right, it is none of my business...except for the fact that you
made the statement in the first place, and therefore really ought to
back it up somehow.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: *
Date & Time: 10/06/89 17:03:08
Message Number 58
If you tend to have difficulty logging on to this system, like only
receiving garbage characters, try waiting until the system sends
Press <Return> before hitting anything. Once you get a carrier, there
will be a pause of a couple of seconds before you get the "Press
<Return>" message; sometimes if you hit return during that time you'll
screw up the baud rate detection routine. I'm working on a new version
of PBBS/H Front Door that may correct that problem.
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: TURTLE
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/08/89 04:28:09
Message Number 59
Hypothetically speaking, of course, If it was half of me in there, I
would want to see that part of me grow up, or at least have a chance.
Theres still adoption, you know. And you can visit the child, and if
you see how beautiful that baby looks, the little hands and feet, anyway
, youd be glad you didn't Murder it.
Hypothetically speaking of course.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/08/89 05:35:20
Message Number 60
Hypothetically speaking, of course, if I were not a good father,
I could see it grow up in poverty and misery...or I could beat
it to death...or I could simply never see it at all. There's still
adoption, of course, if it's a healthy, WHITE baby; if it's born un-
healthy, or if it's black, it's considered "unadoptable." Then, of
course, the child can look forward to an endless series of foster
homes, in which if it doesn't get abused it's doing pretty well. And
anyway, when it grows up, if it grows up, it can be excused for not
being ecstatic over its lot in life.
Hypothetically speaking, of course.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: This board...
Date & Time: 10/08/89 05:39:21
Message Number 61
...is having problems. Partly that's my fault, since I'm working
on a new version of PBBS/H Front Door that's SUPPOSED to make
logging on easier but seems not to like letting people on at all;
partly it's the result of running a system blind (but that should be
fixed Any Day Now!!) Anyway, if you run into any peculiar problems
logging on, or the system doesn't seem to be responding right, leave
me a message here or in E-mail explaining what happened and I'll try
to see that it doesn't happen again.
===========
From: TOXIC WASTE
To: ALTERED FORMS
Subject: sex with a medi
Date & Time: 10/08/89 13:43:18
Message Number 62
ouch! sex with a melting dick, now
that hurts more than virgin sex.OUCH
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: PSYCHE
Subject: Stealth
Date & Time: 10/08/89 14:18:47
Message Number 63
You said, "burn some fags", not "burn some flags". If that was
intentional, you have something in common with The Specialist, a rather
homophobic <for want of a better word, although he insists it isn't
accurate> chap who is, in most other respects, a pretty interesting
person. He's also, incidentally, the first guy to actually come up with
a character on my story board.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: TOXIC WASTE
Subject: sex with a medi
Date & Time: 10/08/89 16:56:13
Message Number 64
Gee, Toxic, that's profound. Although you can never be TOO sure; one
person's cruel and unusual punishment is another's great weekend.
We're not sexually frustrated, are we, Tiger?
===========
From: TURTLE
To: RUFUS
Subject: Hello...
Date & Time: 10/08/89 16:59:22
Message Number 65
I know you're out there...cat got your tongue?? (Actually, I prrobably
shouldn't say things like that; after all, if YOU were a cat, would YOU
want some human's slimy disgusting tongue? And when a cat has a tongue,
what does it DO with it? Does it listen to it? Or spend it? Or collect
it and trade with friends? Sell it on street corners? Put it in a
HabiTrail, call it George, and teach it to run around in circles and
pontificate on the nature of reality, time, and space, as it performs
amazing feats of four-dimensional geometric transformations, to the
awe of several major mathmatics departments at colleges and universities
all across the country (who are really QUITE thrilled to be there,
mathematicians being...well, you know, and that other thing, too, and
being basically boring people who live in houses with pointed roofs
and getting excited over finite state machines and real analysis
in FORTRAN, which as everyone knows is not a language at all but
rather a large and nicely-poached egg on one of those little
silver things that people put poached eggs on, cleverly MASQUERADING
as a programming language) and in the far corners of the globe, even
in those places where people are...well, you know, and that other
thing too, and do strange rituals with toothpicks and last week's
newspapers...) And your handle backward still spells SUFUR, too,
so there.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: Do the Polka!
Date & Time: 10/09/89 13:36:10
Message Number 66
Chairs? At least your race managed to evolve to be able to use
chairs... (BOY! Are my hooves tired at the end of a day...)
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: Drugs
Date & Time: 10/09/89 13:38:31
Message Number 67
Right now, I'm on ALTER REALITY.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: This board...
Date & Time: 10/09/89 13:40:50
Message Number 68
In a word, if you can't log on to the system, leave a note on the
system. Right?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: Hello...
Date & Time: 10/09/89 16:27:49
Message Number 69
Gee, that actually makes sense....and your name backwards spells
eltrut. And we all know that an ELTRUT is a large blood sucking
e1X Y
{doi]g{.}i}i|`
( damn line noise _) blood sucking gerbil that keeps moos|`e9{ tQ.(o[
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Do the Polka!
Date & Time: 10/09/89 16:29:35
Message Number 70
Hey, you guys could have chairs, just not the same type, kinda like a
skinny bed. Then again..you are a farm animal ( boy, will I catch hell
for this )..
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: This board...
Date & Time: 10/09/89 18:32:14
Message Number 71
Well, that's a sentence,, not a word, but yeah, that's the basic
idea. If you han't log on, leave a note here...hmm, I like that.
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: CHIPPER
Subject: chair for chip
Date & Time: 10/10/89 10:32:53
Message Number 72
I invented one! you lay on your tummy and theres a shelf like thing
under it you rest your front legs on, while a lower part is for your
back legs.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: Sense?
Date & Time: 10/10/89 12:42:42
Message Number 73
Maybe this message will save... Give me a call when you get back, as I
would like to get the 4P up and running w. 2 720k drives, & 128k soon.
(see msg in E-Mail) \/-
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/10/89 12:43:39
Message Number 74
Farm animal? Pardon me... In your evolution, the primates evolved
intelligence (and are currently beginning space travel -- though it
seems less and less likely each year that you'll discover... never
mind.) In our case, one of the larger herbivores evolved intelligence,
and the wogs -- I mean primates -- are used as farm animals. No
offense, I hope.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: chair for chip
Date & Time: 10/10/89 12:47:13
Message Number 75
Sounds terribly uncomfortable.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RHINOCEROUSES
Subject: Lore of the Un.
Date & Time: 10/10/89 12:49:53
Message Number 76
No statistics can ever be completely verified. During the middle
ages, unicorns were believed to prance all over the globe -- except,
of course, the part you happened to live in. Fortunately, many unicorns
were caught, and their horns were proudly displayed among the riches
of many kings... indeed, a unicorn's horn once fetched five times its
weight in gold. Unicorn parts were used as the supreme tonic, but
especially as a talisman against poison. However, as the middle ages
wore on, and more people began learning more about the world, the
lower the population of the unicorns. Oddly enough, the cost for
alicorn (the unicorn's horn) dropped tremendously, in direct violation
of the supply/demand principle. As the middle ages dropped to a close,
no one wanted anything to do with the very-existant horns of the
non-existant beasts.
That's logic for you.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: TOXIC WASTE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Sex=chips chair
Date & Time: 10/10/89 13:36:30
Message Number 77
That chair sounds like fun! hmm.
===========
From: PSYCHE
To: DONTHEN
Subject: Stealth
Date & Time: 10/10/89 23:00:20
Message Number 78
My extreme love of puns got the best of me once again. The quip was,
indeed, intentional; it was meant only as a joke. Apologies to anyone
who might have been offended by it.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/11/89 04:11:54
Message Number 79
While in a more rational universe, REPTILES evolved sentience, and
the more primitive lifeforms which elsewhere managed to achieve a
reasonable facsimilie of intelligence, although never to any notable
extent, are kept in their places...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: chair for chip
Date & Time: 10/11/89 04:13:21
Message Number 80
Pininfarina made a concept car with a "seat" like that. It's a
convertible with two rounded "benches" from back to front; the driver
and passenger straddle it as though they were riding a motorcycle,
and lean on handlebars positioned in front of the things. The foot
pedals which operate the vehicle are located on either side of the
driver's saddle, slightly /behind/ the point at which he sits...
You can see a picture of it in a book on exotic cars that they have
at Waldenbooks; can't remember what it's called, though.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: TOXIC WASTE
Subject: Sex=chips chair
Date & Time: 10/11/89 04:16:44
Message Number 81
Hmm indeed. Aren't you a little young to be thinking about such
things? And in any event it couldn't be as much fun as a gymnastics
horse... (You know, that big brown thing you're supposed to flip
over...) Or so I've heard.
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Sex=chips chair
Date & Time: 10/11/89 04:21:34
Message Number 82
Yes, but what about a tiger swirl?
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: TURTLE
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/11/89 10:11:23
Message Number 84
The places reptiles are kept are Zoos and giant fishtanks, HA!
I'm glad archdemons are humanoid..
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/11/89 17:46:25
Message Number 85
Reptiles are confined to zoos and the like by less sophisticated
beings simply because it is immediately obvious to all other forms
of life that the reptiles are the naturally superior life-forms, and
they are caged out of jealousy and fear that the reptiles will one
day rise to take their rightful place in the scheme of things...
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/11/89 19:21:24
Message Number 86
Humans confine reptiles (and other animals) to cages because they can
and the animals can't do the reverse.
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: TURTLE
Subject: New product
Date & Time: 10/11/89 22:12:48
Message Number 87
Epilepsy 2, to shave the remainder of your hair off after chemotherapy
... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: SAURON
Subject: Misogeny
Date & Time: 10/11/89 23:28:58
Message Number 88
Well sauron I feel compeled to rebuttle that statement. For I am a
woman and I do not like Jane Fonda. But with a statement like that I
can only say the women you know do have a big problem but that's OK
they probaly do not know about it. And perhaps you should try and
challange yourself a little more, other wise your brain cell could
join our brain cells.
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: TURTLE
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/11/89 23:46:55
Message Number 89
Abortion has got to be looked at from all sides. It does not only
involve the woman, It also involves the man and naturally the child.
I can honestly say that being faced with that as an option is not any
more soothing then not having it at all. If the child is healthy and
has the luck in being adopted that is the decision I would make.
However If the child is not healthy, Or the Mother is not healthy,
the child will say be abused, (in any form) then yes the child should
be aborted. I still promote the use of contraceptives!!!!
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/12/89 15:57:23
Message Number 91
No offense, I was just pulling your leg ( gee, which leg, I dunno ). Of
course if I didn
( oh poopies ) didn't believe in evolution then I would be offended, but
seeing how I do, I'm not! One question, do you guys have monkey races?
(snicker)
===========
From: RUFUS
To: DONTHEN
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/12/89 16:01:35
Message Number 92
And then there's me, who has mixed feelings, seeing how I do have a
reptile ( really now, just what do you classify a dragon as? ) tale. But
then again...who cares....
===========
From: RUFUS
To: DONTHEN
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/12/89 16:02:29
Message Number 93
You want to hear my reptile tale now ( sheesh..one timed writing and
my brain is on strike )?? that should be reptile tail.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Some users...
Date & Time: 10/12/89 20:19:27
Message Number 95
...have talked to me about the possibility of establishing a story-
board on aLTER rEALITY. I am sort of dubious on the idea, since there
are a lot of 'em out there and this board doesn't have a very extensive
userlog as of yet, but who knows... Anyway, if you've got an opinion
on the subject, I'd like to hear it. What do you think? Any bright
ideas??
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: TURTLE
Subject: Storyboard
Date & Time: 10/12/89 21:26:44
Message Number 96
Anything but a pub or tavern, how about a house of ill repute or a
casino?
===========
From: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
To: TURTLE
Subject: Here...
Date & Time: 10/12/89 22:32:17
Message Number 97
Except, you know, Lassie is a she, so it goes. Or was it the other way
around...Hmmm. Wasn't it like that Spuds McKenzie scandal or something?
===========
From: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
To: YNGLING
Subject: books
Date & Time: 10/12/89 22:34:40
Message Number 98
I would also like to know if it's good, but alas, the only person I
know who actually could read it is a friend who's cousin buys Star Trek
books just 'cause they're there. Guess he took Kirk's advice to heart.
Anyway, I'm not dishing out the 18 bucks either. I'll wait for the $4
paperback in two years.
===========
From: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
To: PSYCHE
Subject: Laser shows
Date & Time: 10/12/89 22:38:07
Message Number 99
I keep waiting patiently for laser shows with THE BEATLES!
===========
From: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
To: PSYCHE
Subject: Stealth
Date & Time: 10/12/89 22:39:27
Message Number 100
Did you mean to leave out a letter and suggest burning "fags" or did
you mean "fLags"??/
===========
From: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/12/89 22:47:12
Message Number 101
Well you brought up the fact that you were against abortion. What would
you do if your wife/girlfriend whatever was raped and she was going to
have the child of a criminal and if she DID it would hurt her health for
the rest of her life or she could die. Which life you want your wife's
or the rapists baby?
===========
From: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/12/89 22:53:20
Message Number 102
You know, if we keep on going further into space, we're either going to
find nothing, or a big black slab
with a ratio of 1:4:9! OR we could find a big race of kick-ass robots
called The Borg who will demand a spin-off series.
===========
From: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
To: TURTLE
Subject: Some users...
Date & Time: 10/12/89 22:58:02
Message Number 103
If you start a story that we all could screw up like on Remote Control
then a storyboard would be really neat! I love what's come up on RC!
hillarious stuff!
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/13/89 00:25:25
Message Number 104
I meant, Skywalker/Lt. Commander, there should be restrictions, and
that falls into the restriction area.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Storyboard...
Date & Time: 10/13/89 02:08:13
Message Number 105
If I DO put up a storyboard here, I'd like it to be as totally unlike
every other storyboard in the area. Unfortunately, most of my ideas
so far have been pretty X-rated, which means I'd have to go through the
hassle of restricting access to it and inquiring about users' ages
and miscellaneous bullshit, to cover my ass legally. It really isn't
worth the effort, and I DON'T feel like policing a board to be sure
it was always within the nice limits that we all need to maintain
our moral standards... <--Note sarcasm here. ANYWAY, if anyone's
got some unusual settings for such a thing, let me know; the worst
I'll do is ignore you...
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: Some users...
Date & Time: 10/13/89 11:52:07
Message Number 106
Actually, it might be a good idea to wait till the one on the
Wyvern's Den comes to an end ( IF it comes to an
===========
From: RUFUS
To: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
Subject: Here...
Date & Time: 10/13/89 11:53:11
Message Number 107
The male characters being played by females was covered in
Bloom County sometime back.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: A grave issue
Date & Time: 10/13/89 17:07:09
Message Number 109
It has come to my attention that pimentos are becoming an increasingly
popular food substance in this country. As everyone knows, pimentos
are actually the toes of the increasingly endangered Pimen bird of
southeast Asia. This bird, noted in the wild for its spectacular
plumage and its eerie mating call, is being ruthlessly hunted for its
delicious red toes, which are cut off, put in little glass bottles,
and stuffed inside green olives for consumption in the States.
As this ruthless activity increases in scope, the Pimen bird is
being hounded into oblivion by the greed of man. I say, ACT NOW!
Boycott all products made from Pimen birds! Don't eat pimentos!
Remember, extinct is forever.
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: A grave issue
Date & Time: 10/13/89 23:05:55
Message Number 110
Me, I've been doing my part for some time now. I've been eating
black olives, which are actually helping the ozone layer.
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/14/89 01:42:23
Message Number 111
I doubt that you would apply any of those arguments in avocating the
disposal of 3 yr. old children, so why apply it merely beuse the child
is younger
===========
From: SAURON
To: CRYSTAL
Subject: Misogeny
Date & Time: 10/14/89 01:50:44
Message Number 112
Thank you for your clear concise reply to my dead-serious social
comment. Rarely have I seen a moere logic rejoinder.
, _ By the way, that's what a comma looks like.
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: Some users...
Date & Time: 10/14/89 01:54:36
Message Number 113
Ooooo, ooooo. Yes....yes. Let's do an electronic adaptation of my
all-time favorite "Truck Stop Lust".
===========
From: SAURON
To: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
Subject: Abortion
Date & Time: 10/14/89 01:57:27
Message Number 114
And what would you do if you were getting ready to be hit by meteorite
and the only way you could save yourself was by not getting your
uncle/co-worker's rented Oldsmobile back in time, and that would ruin
your credit rating at HFC and....
That's about equally relevant.
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: A grave issue
Date & Time: 10/14/89 02:02:44
Message Number 115
Pimentoes, Naugahides, and baby seals. Three tragedies.
===========
From: SAURON
To: SAURON
Subject: Misogeny
Date & Time: 10/14/89 02:03:59
Message Number 116
I see line noise can make a travesty out of punctuation and spelling.
If that was the case...sigh. (not to be confused with grin)
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: Y'ALL
Subject: Grrrrrr....
Date & Time: 10/14/89 11:47:53
Message Number 117
After mid-term examinations, I log onto Alter Reality, and what do
I get? BLAME for breaking the user log... Hmmmmph! It wasn't REALLY
all my fault, y'know... Blame the bottle of Vin du Basura we broke
over the 'pooter to celebrate the opening of a new BBS...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: chair for chip
Date & Time: 10/14/89 11:52:47
Message Number 118
Sounds interesting... I can see myself driving one of those through
the cobblestone streets of Ranea (by the way, does it have good
suspension? Just asking...) and being stopped by a "technology cop..."
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/14/89 11:54:41
Message Number 119
Funny. That's what we do with humans on Monocerous.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: Monkeys
Date & Time: 10/14/89 12:07:11
Message Number 120
Dear Rufus,
Actually, we have one or two races that are somewhat similar to
your "monkeys." However, they have even less intelligence than yours;
and -- I'm afraid -- are near extinction.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: STORY!
Date & Time: 10/14/89 12:09:19
Message Number 121
YesYesYesYesYesYesYesYesYesYesYesYesYesYes!!!!!!!!!!
Sure, there are a lot of storyboards out there. Are there any
good ones except what's at the Wyvern's Den?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: SPELLWIND
Subject: Storyboard
Date & Time: 10/14/89 12:10:53
Message Number 122
Dear Spellwind,
If you must insist on one of those two ideas, a casino would
probably be better. I refuse to play human characters on storyboards
(whenever this is possible...) and even the most luscious woman of
a house of ill repute doesn't tempt a non-anthropomorphic.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: LT. COMMANDER DEREK
Subject: Farm animal?
Date & Time: 10/14/89 12:15:58
Message Number 123
Dear Lt. Commander Derek:
Several questions:
In which of the armed forces did you receive your rank? (Must
remember not to rely on that one...)
Why do you assume that the ideas of certain science fiction
series must be true? Trust me: what really occurs in space is far
beyond the dreams of any of your writers.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: RUFUS
Subject: The Pub
Date & Time: 10/14/89 13:55:39
Message Number 124
The storyboard on the Den probably won't 'come to an end'... something
else will happen. That's one of the points of having a free-form
storyboard rather than a conventional "Once upon a time lived Fred and
Agatha" story, where everybody adds another chapter to the saga of Fred
and Aggie until about 5 chapters down the line when somebody gets bored
and completely changes the setting, and the plot immediately goes into
dribble and slops all over the disk drive until somebody says "Then they
all die, let's start over." Since characters are free to come and go
in the Den (after all, it _is_ a Pub, and it's still open for business,
although any newcomers might not get served immediately!), any new user
could come in and start making trouble. It is possible Spellwind might
come up with a coherent plotline, as hard to believe as that is.
Assuming, of course, he doesn't try to screw up the current plotline and
get his access level bounced.
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: SAURON
Subject: Misogeny
Date & Time: 10/14/89 15:18:47
Message Number 125
OH thank you for showing me that ( , ) is a comma. Now what does
it do?????
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: DONTHEN
Subject: The Pub
Date & Time: 10/14/89 23:58:46
Message Number 126
Having your style of storyboard simply makes more sense than the
"chapter" type of storyboard -- if one wishes to add another plotline,
it's fairly easy to do (either by adding a twist to a character's
background, or by adding another character...) but most importantly,
there are lines to what can and can't be done with the storyboard.
Other people might not like your idea to ...say, journey into the
Abyss, and might prefer to... say, cuddle with a nearby barbarian mouse.
You can't (or, at least shouldn't) force others to do your bidding --
this is quite a bit more like real life... (except, of course, having
a certain unicorn spontaneously attack a certain Angel -- which WILL
have serious consequences to Chip...)
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Hi there...
Date & Time: 10/15/89 14:13:44
Message Number 127
...have you been plagued by the evil Gods of Line Noise in your
past incarnations on aLTER rEALITY? Well, Turtle, through much
diligent research, consultation with Powers Beyond, and dabbling into
the Dark Arts unknown to man or reptile, has, in his infinite wisdom,
discovered the source of the problem. It seems that our gung-ho
always-on-the-move society has created a demand for a certain gizmo-
wonder called a "cordless telephone," which device doth exist in this
household. It also seems that cordless telephones and modems don't
really get along. The phone has a bad habit of making an arcing noise,
like when the transporters screw up on Star Trek, which doth generate
messages from Beyond, usually in the middle of an attempted login.
The phone has been excorcised (I shan't go into the messy details)
though, so peace and tranquility should once more reign here...
===========
From: ROCKY
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Dreams
Date & Time: 10/15/89 17:46:10
Message Number 128
Well, if we were not to dream of what is eventually in store for our
kind, I think that mankind would surely become extinct... Considering
that we are already too late to save this poor feeble little planet we
are on now, it would seem necessary to dream up ideas that may be the
only hope mankind has left. We have already had to put off the shuttle
project too long, and if it weren't for war and political greed, this
country (or should I say world, as a world-wide political union is what
it would take now to stop this madnes) would be far beyond our own solar
system by now, and well on it's way to solutions to this pungent fallout
of governments gone bad. Dreams. Dreams are all that is left. Without
them now, we would have nothing to look forward to, as we would have
already destroyed ourselves...
===========
From: ROCKY
To: MY 'PUTER...
Subject: DUST
Date & Time: 10/15/89 17:55:14
Message Number 129
WHINE!!! I hate when all that dust collects on the monitor screen! Now
that it's gotten to 2 inches thick, I had to take a spatula and scrape
it off! WHINE!!!
===========
From: ANGEL
To: SAURON
Subject: Misogeny
Date & Time: 10/15/89 18:06:16
Message Number 130
S-> All female brain cells in the United States of America could fit in
S-> Jane Fonda's birth canal ...
I think we have here a prime example of why so few women ever
call Sauron's bulletin board, or why women like me who do call ... only
make that mistake once.
Why is there a direct relationship between a male's lack of respect
for female intelligence and the vehemence of his stand against abortion?
===========
From: ANGEL
To: TURTLE
Subject: I'm entering!
Date & Time: 10/15/89 18:13:21
Message Number 131
Hallelujah! I can enter messages at last! Guess axing your cord-
less phone did the trick.
===========
From: ANGEL
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Horsey-panky?
Date & Time: 10/15/89 18:16:05
Message Number 132
Why would setting a storyboard in a house of ill-repute force you to
play a human character? Don't they have such houses on Monocerous?
Don't unicorns fool around (gosh, where do little unicorns come from)?
Considering Chip's good eye for the fillies, I didn't assume
Monocerosians were a strictly monogamous race. (Or is that
Monocerosites, Monoceroslings, Monosodiumglutamates, or Monosexuals?)
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Hi there...
Date & Time: 10/15/89 18:31:11
Message Number 133
The phone has been excorcised? Exercised? Ya mean ya took the
phone out jogging?!? Sheeeeesh! And I thought I had a strange
relationship with machines...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: ROCKY
Subject: DUST
Date & Time: 10/15/89 18:32:55
Message Number 134
Two inches thick? No wonder you were having troubles reading
messages on BBS's...
I always scrape the dust off when it's one inch thick. Whether
it needs to or not.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: ANGEL
Subject: Horsey-panky?
Date & Time: 10/15/89 18:34:13
Message Number 135
Dear Miz Angel,
As time has shown again and again, mixed-species houses of ill
repute do not work. When humans are forced to come within five hundred
yards of three Quagno'll in the middle of -- uh, business -- the
resulting odor will immediately dispell any amorous thoughts.
Most Copulatoriums are species-specific!
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Horsey-panky?
Date & Time: 10/16/89 01:46:36
Message Number 136
> Most Copulatoriums are species-specific!
Cute word, but its accuracy depends strictly on which setting you happen
to put it in. If the variance in species is as wide as the Cantina in
STAR WARS, point granted. If, however, things more closely resemble
the alternate earth that the Tyel Hyatt Regency and "Fur Le Dance"
nightclub (from the storyboards on Kyim's Scratching Post and the
Tiger's Den, respectively), then you're a little off-base. If you
don't want to go to California for examples, there's Sheba the Cheetah
coming on to every male in the "Ace of Spades", Murr & Turtle's
quickly warming relationship in the "Double Edge Tavern" and Juka &
Xonzoff on the Pub, who have certainly done more than cuddle cutely in
the corner, even if they haven't done it "on camera" like the Calif.
furry boards occasionally do. None of those are set in a bordello, but
given an atmosphere where cross-species matches aren't thought of any
more oddly than an elven/human couple in your average Generic High
Fantasy, it wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary (at least, not
necessarily).
The barrier for Chip would be the fact that he is a quadraped in a
world of bipeds. There are "furry" centaurs running around, though,
both in Ranea and through 'Furversion', so a cross-species match
wouldn't necessarily be impossible for him, either, depending on his
own whims about such things. Of course, it's YOUR fault he's not a
biped. Empress Alicia from "Xanadu" is a unicorn, too, and she's a
humanoid (and one who'd have absolutely no difficulty attracting
lovers of any species or sex, as long as they're living).
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Phone exsex
Date & Time: 10/16/89 02:03:21
Message Number 138
No, no, no. The phone has been EXORCISED, not excercised. You know,
like in the movie. Black candles in a pentacle, chanted spells,
invocations of the Greater Gods, Hostess Twinkies with cream filling,
school busses, ... You get the general idea. I commanded the evil
phone spirits to Begone! and pulled the plug out of the wall while
chanting "Hail Richard Nixon! Hail Richard Nixon!" and shore 'nuff, it
worked. 'Course now the cordless phone DOESN'T (must've been the
final ritual...throwing it from the top of College Hall into the bay to
frighten away the demons, that did it in), but oh well.
---Turtle the Spellbreaker
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: Hi there...
Date & Time: 10/16/89 15:31:28
Message Number 139
Thank you of wondorous reptile. Say, we have 2 lines in our house.
One is the voice line, and the other is mine ( modem line ). Would a
cordless phone on the voice line affect the modem line ( or is this
exactly the set-up you have ).
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Help!
Date & Time: 11/11/89 00:31:42
Message Number 140
This board has been non-functional for several days due to a minor
disaster with its message file. All the messages above #139 are gone.
Poof. Irretrievably. Vanished. Sorry. Apologies if you tried to
call and couldn't get through. I'm tired. I'm going to bed now.
More later. Goodnight.
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Help!
Date & Time: 10/24/89 13:15:42
Message Number 141
In the PBBS/WEL file, you must mean message #140, not #130.
===========
From: I LOVE GOLF
To: TURTLE
Subject: sympathy
Date & Time: 10/25/89 16:00:51
Message Number 142
poor Turtle. He works so hard yet none of us say thank you. I would like
to say thank you from Dion Renno. People you dont realize how hard it is
to be a SYSOP, staying up all hours of the night donig things for ungrat
eful, people just because they like doing good deeds. So send him a dona
tion or a letter of thanks.
P.S. disregard this messageHA!HA!HA!HA!
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: DONTHEN
Subject: Horsey-panky?
Date & Time: 10/25/89 22:06:54
Message Number 143
Donthen-
Chip might prove attracted to some of those centaurs you were
mentioning... I dunno. He actually is from an entirely different race,
and I've never worked out the mating ritual for unicorns (whether
they're completely monogamous, polygamous, or... whatever) but I'm
not certain he'd feel attracted to female centaurs... Who knows?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Help!
Date & Time: 10/25/89 22:11:15
Message Number 144
Gosh! A message from the future! November eleventh of this year! Oh,
calloh, callay! (gollum, gollum...) Let's see... factual information
from the message: the board will be down from about the ninth through
early morning on the eleventh. All messages (including this one...
EEP!) will disappear... And... the final bit of information:
TURTLE SLEEPS!
Oh, great master of wisdom, I thank thee, for thou hast given us this
great information (not to mention faked Middle English)...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: WASSAILERS
Subject: Witches' brew
Date & Time: 10/25/89 22:15:48
Message Number 145
As the dark holiday descends on the unsuspecting crowd, and as the
Great Pumpkin rises from his patch as Linus watches, one unicorn,
standing on a uncreated planet, imagines what it would be like to
gaze from the depths of a black hole into the starlight created by
the Big Bang. Ghosts and goblins meander through ether and ArcNet nodes
fail. Not a virus among either, merely the quinessent force permeating
reality, surreality, and irreality. The harvest season of an
insignificant planet draws near; and an obscure religious figure smiles
as he is hauled off in anclecuffs while posing for the photograph for
Newsweek magazine, which will eventually find itself on page thirty-
five, as the Hairy Tribble ignores the leaving of another Soviet state
from the Disunited Soviet Socialist Republics...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Help!
Date & Time: 10/26/89 16:06:06
Message Number 146
All right, all right, give me a break. The entire board goes down
in a dramatic fashion, I stay up until 7 AM fixing it, several
messages disappear through a wormhole in space, and you want to agitate
me because the DATE wasn't right? Sheesh! Honestly, you're awfully
picky for someone from the Twilight Zone!
Thpth!
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Storyboard!
Date & Time: 10/26/89 16:08:24
Message Number 147
It is starting to look like the storyboard currently on Outland,
"Black Devil Saloon," will eventually move over here to aLTER
rEALITY, in a somewhat larger format (new! improved!). The basic
premiss is this: the board is a "furry" storyboard set in a
Wild West town similar to any of a zillion or so seen on any
bad western you might find late at night on some obscure cable TV
channel. The story will probably be divided into three discrete
settings: a tavern (of course), a casino, and a hotel, each of
which will have its own conference on this system. Although
activity will focus on these areas, it is not restricted to them (for an
idea of what I mean, simply consider the Wyvern's Den Pub on that
other PBBS system...) Users will be given free access to the
tavern area, but will have to request access to the casino and
hotel. In theory, three separate but related storylines could take
place in the same town with this arrangement, and one player may have
characters in all three. We'll see how it works. The tavern area will
most likely be a "conventional" wild west furry story, if that isn't
an oxymoron; the casino may be a PG-13 area, and the hotel an R area.
We'll see how that goes, too. Anyway: That's the general idea. Comments?
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Modest proposal
Date & Time: 10/26/89 16:15:27
Message Number 148
Hmm. It seems that Congress still has the general idea that Ronald
Reagan's Strategic Defense Initiative ("Star Wars" to you and I) is
basically a good idea, even if they are willying about trying to decide
how to pay for it. As you probably know, the idea calls for building
a system that will use lasers, particle beams, and other bits of
wizardry to zap enemy missiles before they arrive. That may or may not
be a technological possibility, but in any event it is certain to be
very expensive. Also, if technology develops on both sides of the
Great Divide, as has always been the case before, it can be stated that
any system we get working today, the Russians will be able to get
around tomorrow, unless we upgrade, which of course will make them
upgrade their upgrade, etc... So given that the system is likely to
be prohibitively expensive and at best only temporarily effective, I
say: BUILD IT. Why? Read the next message.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Continuing...
Date & Time: 10/26/89 16:20:30
Message Number 149
OK, so why do something that's (a) expensive and (b) not likely to
work very well? Simple. Defense budgets on both sides of the fence
are limited, and getting more limited all the time. So, here's
what's likely to happen:
Flunky: "I've got some bad news, sir. The Reds have just announced
development of a new hyper-shielded supersonic-boost missile that can
survive our Omni-Zap Destructo Ray. They'll start building them
Tuesday."
General: "Didn't we just pay $120,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 for the
Omni-Zap?"
Flunky: "Yes, sir. The research people say they can fix it so that
it'll take out a Russkie hyper-shielded missile for only $6,000,000,000,
though."
General: "Great. And our new omni-invisible super-missiles can get
through the new Commie hyper-blast particle gun, too. We're doing well."
Flunky: "Not really; the Reds have just announced an improved hyper-
blast that'll nail our missiles. We can fix the missiles, though,
for only $45,000,000,000."
...And so on. Sooner or later even the most pinheaded Pentagon
peon will notice that everyone's spending gobs of money on missiles
and systems that probably won&t ever work. Since moral, logical, and
ethical arguments have so far failed miserably to get the superpowers
to sit down and admit that ICBM's are a pretty bad thing, perhaps
economic considerations will do the trick. If it can be demonstrated
convincingly that they are far too expensive and far too unreliable
to be effective weapons, we'll finally legislate the bastards out of
existance...
...but probably not.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Twilight Zone?
Date & Time: 10/26/89 21:42:26
Message Number 150
Dear Turtle,
You're implying that I'm from the Twilight Zone? I'll tell you,
half-human, that I was born in the city of <UNTRANSCRIBABLE WINNEYS
AND NEIGHS>, the capital city of the cantor of <MORE UNTRANSCRIBABLE
WHINNEYS AND NEIGHS>, on the planet you humans call Monocerous. I
went to school 'till I was fourty revolutions old, like most of my kin,
got a job in the equivalent of Civil Service, and have been working
(and progressing) steadily ever since.
How'd you know Monocerous was part of the Twilight Zone, anyway?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Storyboard!
Date & Time: 10/26/89 21:47:19
Message Number 151
Comments? Sounds interesting... Should we have three (at least)
different characters for each of the three settings, or should we
have just one (who can meander through all three?) Also, can we
choose non-standard furry characters (perhaps.. a crocodile?)
(I wouldn't dream of usuing a human, of course...)
I'm interested in all three worlds, of course. But I don't think
Chip would be visiting the brothel... uh, hotel.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Continuing...
Date & Time: 10/26/89 21:52:08
Message Number 152
Turtle... I'm shocked at you. <Mock serious expression on Chip's
muzzle> From your... your stinginess, you are risking the entire
FREE WORLD to the evil Communist nations. Do you realize what would
happen if we were to let up one inch... even one millimeter from
our strong positions? THE COMMUNISTS WOULD TAKE OVER AMERICA! Haven't
you seen the classic, beautifully-made-for-TV movie "Amerika" starring
Kris Kristofferson a few years back? How nobody in the U.S. had the
guts to stand up to the Commies... so they took over. They had REAL
MEN on their sides, and who do we have on ours? George Bush and Dan
Quayle... From your, your bleeding-heart liberalism; from your
COWARDICE -- it's people like you that are keeping the U.S. from staying
number one in the world! It's all YOUR fault that the U.S. hasn't
yet nuked the evil Commie Empire, to get rid of their scum from the
earth! If it weren't for YOU, every other country would be bowing down
to our obvious superiority! The REAL men in America should rule the
world... and if anyone disagrees, get rid of 'em. And, heck... if it
weren't for those dang non-whites in America...
I get these 'things' that come over me sometimes... Don't worry.
My doctor says I'm all better, now.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Horsey-panky?
Date & Time: 10/27/89 00:02:40
Message Number 153
Well, the centaurs are also running thru Furversion #18--most of what
Michael Higgs draws, for example, and some of Mary Hanson-Roberts'
depressingly cute creatures qualify, too. Of course Chip is from a
different race--but so are elves and humans. In "Only With Thine Eyes,"
the species differences are of extreme importance, but that may be due
to social taboos more than anything else. In Ranea, it's treated
(mostly) like mixed marraiges on earth, or in slightly less tolerant
areas, like human/elven crosses in some D&D worlds (in some really
intolerant areas, it might be considered bestiality, but in the state
that the Wyvern's Den is located in, it would at best raise a few
eyebrows). By the way, how did this come up again?
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Storyboard!
Date & Time: 10/27/89 00:07:33
Message Number 154
I'd have just one character who travels between the three storyboards.
Assume they're separate locations that you can move between. Fred
Furball might be in the saloon, say "I'm going to go up to my room now",
and then appear in the next message in the Hotel conference....
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Half human?
Date & Time: 10/27/89 02:41:03
Message Number 155
Who're you calling half-human, horseface? I'm 100% reptile and
damn proud of it, I'll have you know!
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Storyboard!!
Date & Time: 10/27/89 02:43:43
Message Number 156
Well, let's see here. First off, a crocodile character would be
perfectly acceptable...might even make for an interesting "Billy the
Kid" type of character. It is also certainly possible that one
player might like to have a character who "hangs out" in each of the
three locations, but since they're all in the same town a single
character could appear in all three with relative ease. I am also
considering mandating that ALL characters be non-human, but haven't
decided yet. (It's kind of a shame PBBS doesn't draw a clearer
distinction between message conferences...unless you pay attention to
the conference storyboard messages are posted in, things could
conceivably get confusing...) I will probably set things up and
start the ball rolling in the next week or so, barring unforseen
disasters (knock on Billy Graham).
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: Storyboard!
Date & Time: 10/27/89 15:35:38
Message Number 159
Sounds good to me, but is this strictly a furry sub-board, or could my
1/6 furry come to town. Oh yea, can we have guns?? big guns?? really
large large big guns? (slober)
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Storyboard!
Date & Time: 10/27/89 15:38:45
Message Number 160
hehe, of course you'd have to stand outside at the hitching post.
(snicker snicker burp snicker )
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: DONTHEN
Subject: Horsey-panky?
Date & Time: 10/27/89 16:58:49
Message Number 161
Dear Donthen,
Lots of centaurs in Furversion 18 by Mike Higgs? I just pulled out
my copy -- there was ONE centaur by him, out of five pictures... Get
a hold of yourself, Donthen... and stay off the mead!
You never explained: are cross-species mixtures fertile on the
world of Ranea, and... if so, why are there so few?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: 100% turtle?
Date & Time: 10/27/89 17:02:15
Message Number 162
Turtle... Hate to say it, but most 100% turtles are not bipedal,
do not have hands evolved enough to carry the assault rifle you
seem always to be carrying, and most CERTAINLY cannot be jumping up
and down the way you seem to be doing right now...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: Storyboard!
Date & Time: 10/27/89 17:05:18
Message Number 163
Dear Rufus,
You can bring your cannon with you if you can carry it alone.
No 'Stingers,' please.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: This board
Date & Time: 10/27/89 17:08:44
Message Number 164
By the way, Turtle, I couldn't log on to the board, so I'm leaving
a message here to warn you that your board may be down.
Thank you,
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: TURTLE
To: RUFUS
Subject: Furry story
Date & Time: 10/27/89 17:17:36
Message Number 165
It'll probably be strictly furry...no humans. Haven't really
decided yet. (I don't think the character Rufus will really fit
too well into a Wild West setting anyway...)
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: Furry story
Date & Time: 10/28/89 00:20:03
Message Number 166
Hmm..if it's all furry, I guess I go for iguana! Yippie...Scaleys
unite!
Ribbit..
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Horsey-panky?
Date & Time: 10/28/89 14:24:02
Message Number 167
Well, maybe it was Furversion 17, although I count 2 in #18 (p. 1 and
p. 44).
Cross-species mixes aren't fertile, except for the Sidhe, who can
breed successfully with anything (possibly literally). The Sidhe are
the local equivalent to dryad-types, and are magic (I'm speaking more
of the classical dryad who was considered to be a minor deity, not the
wimpy D&D variety). It is possible you could have a more humanlike
furry with wild magical powers who was the offspring of some furry and
a Sidhe, and it's not completely impossible you could end up with
someone who looks like Alicia from "Xanadu" from a Sidhe/Unicorn mating.
These offspring are occasionally fertile (at least amongst themselves,
although very rarely with anything else except Sidhe) and it's possible
that several of the furry races running around got their start that way.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Yes 100% turtle
Date & Time: 10/29/89 13:30:00
Message Number 168
Turtle, of course, is an ANTHROPOMORPHIC reptile. 'Morphs are not
human-animal crosses, they are simply bipedal, humanoid alterations
to basic animal stock, just like humans are bipedal, hairless monkeys.
Turtle has no human blood in him whatsoever. He does, on the other hand,
have two legs, two arms ending in 4-digit hands with opposing thumbs,
and a REAL BIG gun.
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: ALL
Subject: HAPPY HALLOWEEN
Date & Time: 10/31/89 01:15:22
Message Number 171
OOO
OOO
OOOOOOOOO
OOO OOO
OOOOOO OOOOO
OOOOO LL LL OOOOO
OOO I OOOOO
OOOO III OOOO
OOOO I OOO
OOOO ;; ;; OOOO
OOO ;;;;;;;;;; OOO
OO OO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: ALL
Subject: HALLOWEEN
Date & Time: 10/31/89 01:21:21
Message Number 172
YES, that really was a pumpkin. I tryed. BUT AT LEAST IT IS A
REALLY BAD PUMPKIN.
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: ALL FURRIES
Subject: HALLOWEENZ
Date & Time: 10/31/89 01:25:37
Message Number 173
For all you furries pertend the pumpkin is furry and I made it
especially for you. And I guess I wish you a happy (furry) halloween.
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: CRYSTAL
Subject: furry pumpkins?
Date & Time: 10/31/89 12:25:13
Message Number 175
I've never heard of an anthropomorphic pumpkin before. Actually, I
don't think I want to try and picture that.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: Furry story
Date & Time: 10/31/89 13:21:42
Message Number 176
Hmmm... one turtle, one iguana, and one probable crocodile...
Are you SURE this can be called a "furry" story?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Yes 100% turtle
Date & Time: 10/31/89 13:23:24
Message Number 177
<Staring at the gun> Well... maybe you're right. (If the gun weren't
there, I might say that you proved my point exactly; that you are
a "bipedal, humanoid alteration" of a turtle -- and therefore not truly
one hundred percent turtle... and the most likely reason you are bipedal
and have two arms with hands (and opposing thumbs) is that you have been
genetically altered with human genes... but the gun prevents me from
doing so.)
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: CRYSTAL
Subject: HAPPY HALLOWEEN
Date & Time: 10/31/89 13:26:16
Message Number 178
Dear Crystal,
A few questions for you:
Why aren't there traditional Halloween carols?
How long must one wait in the pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin
to arise?
What do the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus do for Halloween?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: CRYSTAL
Subject: HALLOWEENZ
Date & Time: 10/31/89 13:29:52
Message Number 179
Personally, what I'd love to do some Halloween is to put a very long
wig over a pumpkin, and put a sign underneath: "Hippy Halloween!"
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Oct. 31
Date & Time: 10/31/89 14:47:03
Message Number 180
HAPPY SAMHAIN, EVERYBODY!!!
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Hooray!
Date & Time: 10/31/89 16:31:01
Message Number 181
The aLTER rEALITY library is now open for your viewing pleasure!
Check out some of the text files in the <F>iles section. (Until
further notice, the Library will contain text files only; I may
set up computer-specific areas if there is sufficient demand, though...)
===========
From: TURTLE
To: TURTLE
Subject: Oh yeah
Date & Time: 10/31/89 16:33:12
Message Number 182
More files will be added to the <F>iles section shortly; eventually
there will bve a fairly significant amount of randomness there...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Announcement
Date & Time: 10/31/89 17:08:50
Message Number 183
Attention! Attention! MSTF member system
U S E R S M E E T I N G
-------------------------
When: Saturday, Nov. 11, 12 Noon
Where: Le Croissant (on Main Street in Sarasota)
Why: Why not?
Featuring users from aLTER rEALITY, the Wyvern's Den, and
Suncoast City BBS.
Attractions: Juggling foxes, death-defying feats, and lots of
really neat conversation & stuff.
Be there!!
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: y
Date & Time: 10/31/89 23:15:21
Message Number 184
>Why aren't there traditional Halloween carols?
I could only assume that they all died by being burned at the stake in
Salem Mass.(before the had a chance to be put down on paper.)
>How long...for the great pumpkin to rise?
I would amagine that depends on your partner. !!!!!!
>What do the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus do for Halloween?
With all the knowledge I have gathered up (or all the B.S.) I would
say the Easter Bunny dress up as Santa Claus, and Santa Clause dresses
up as the Easter Bunny and they go Egging and TP'ing and Pumpkin
smashing all over.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: Y'ALL
Subject: Opening Screen
Date & Time: 11/01/89 14:48:20
Message Number 185
>"If the beagle sits next to your luggage, you're doomed -- B. Fox"
Interesting quote. My stableboy was coming back from Mexico this
summer, and one of the guard dogs (an English Spaniel, actually) fell
in love with his legs... The dog sat down on his feet at least four
times, and would not leave his legs. (A second dog also came by to
investigate his legs...) The stable boy was waiting for one piece of
baggage to arrive --- and had this "nice chat" with the officer. Well,
he eventually was detained for a full hour while he was "inspected,
detected, Inspected, Defected... and they left no part untouched" as
the Arlo Guthrie song goes. From the evidence of the two dogs, the
officers were convinced that this was going to be their biggest "haul"
for several months. Finally, the strip search came. When the "bare
essentials" were removed, he says he's NEVER seen officers more
shell-shocked.
Oh. The reason the dogs were following him around. My stable boy's
parents had a small dog in Mexico. It appears she was just getting
into heat.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CRYSTAL
Subject: HAPPY HALLOWEEN
Date & Time: 11/01/89 16:19:45
Message Number 186
Thanks fer the happy halloween.
===========
From: RUFUS
To: DONTHEN
Subject: furry pumpkins?
Date & Time: 11/01/89 16:20:28
Message Number 187
Those were one "Beans Baxter" once. Anyone remeber that show. Beans'
dad is a secret agent, and is kidnapped by someone, so Beans takes his
place. Wow..what a show. And Beans' little brother, Scooter...
wow....I miss it.
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Furry story
Date & Time: 11/01/89 16:21:47
Message Number 188
O.K. A reptily board??
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: Furry story
Date & Time: 11/01/89 17:21:29
Message Number 189
Isn't rep-tile something M. C. Esher would have done?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: RUFUS
Subject: furry pumpkins?
Date & Time: 11/01/89 17:50:57
Message Number 190
I remember "Beans Baxter". One of the strangest shows I've ever seen...
sort of like "Get Smart" but a little less realistic....
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Storyboard!
Date & Time: 11/01/89 18:54:49
Message Number 191
Actually, it won't be all THAT scaley; Turtle won't appear in this
one. I will probably be running a character named Stripe, a 'morph
raccoon. All will be made clear in time, since time steals all things
and even mountains go away in time (it's a fairly impressive solvent,
almost as good as Coke syrup, only not as sweet), and evidently takes
away their color first (hence, things become clear if you dunk them in a
big container of Time). Or something like that. What was I saying?
I've forgotten. Oh well...
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: Help!
Date & Time: 11/02/89 01:24:33
Message Number 193
...and not only that but we've been transported somehow by a sinister
Time Warp a full ten days into the Future! Christopher Lloyd, we need
you!
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: Continuing...
Date & Time: 11/02/89 01:34:25
Message Number 194
The best reason to continue with SDI is the technological fallout
which always results from such projects. For example, the microwave oven
- made possible by the invention of Radar, a wartime research project.
Besides, in a country where each year over EIGHT BILLION dollars are
spent on COSMETICS, for Christ's sakes, crying over money is not valid.
===========
From: SAURON
To: ALL
Subject: seiges
Date & Time: 11/02/89 01:45:29
Message Number 195
To those who may have been trying to enter the Dark Tower in vain the
past few days...know Ye that the seige has been lifted and it's doors
have re-opened.
BARAD DUR' 24 Hrs at 3-12-2400 bps 484-9139
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Re-Announcement
Date & Time: 11/02/89 15:31:42
Message Number 196
The MSTF user's meeting has been changed! It is now a large and
somewhat disoriented walrus, the disorientation being caused by
the fact that the walrus formerly believed itself to be a fun,
exciting BBS user's meeting with juggling foxes, really neat
conversation, and death-defying feats.
Actually, that isn't really true. The only thing that changed about
it is the time. Here's the new, improved schedule:
WHEN: Saturday, Nov. 11 from 11 AM to 2 PM (or so).
WHERE: Le Croissant, of course.
WHY: Because Niklaus Wirth doesn't like it.
===========
From: RUFUS
To: DONTHEN
Subject: furry pumpkins?
Date & Time: 11/02/89 16:59:44
Message Number 197
But still a great show. And let's not forget Beans' love intrest,
Cupcake!
===========
From: ANGEL
To: TURTLE
Subject: Hello back
Date & Time: 11/02/89 20:52:38
Message Number 198
Hope springs eternal ... I always check for mail. Thanks for leaving
me some. Actually I just tried to page you, but you are unavailable.
It's a hell of a night. Just called Wyvern's and the system seems to be
down. Excuse me, but I'm two extremely tall screwdrivers to the wind at
the moment and I was just looking for electronic company. I've never
tried drinking alone before -- now I see why they warn you against it --
no fun at all! I'm babbling. But it is truly indeed a wretched
evening. These morbid thoughts will be dispersed with the dawn ... come
on Dawn!!!!!!
Anyway, take care. Have fun. And don't fall in love with a man half
your age... Bye!!!
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: DONTHEN
Subject: furry pumpkins?
Date & Time: 11/02/89 23:42:31
Message Number 199
Get smart, Now that was a show. I remember that one well.
"Would you believe" He never could make up a story with out saying
that.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: RUFUS
Subject: fuzzy pumpkins?
Date & Time: 11/03/89 19:11:51
Message Number 201
>But still a great show!
It still doesn't hold a candle to Killer Klowns from Space, though.
Now *THERE'S* a movie with everything...a really stupid premiss,
lots of bad special effects, zillions of horror movie cliches, and
clowns with ray guns...it makes The Stuff look generic!
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CRYSTAL
Subject: flaming pumpkin
Date & Time: 11/03/89 19:14:20
Message Number 202
Would you believe a show where the main character always used the
same expression over and over? Would you believe in a scriptwriter
who thought that was A Neat Device? Would you believe that Elvis is
still alive, and his brain is being held hostage by Zygortians from
Planet Nine, who are ransoming it for three hundred Hostess Twinkies
and the entire library of back issues of The National Enquirer, which
they obviously won't get because Elvis' brain isn't worth a ding-dong
and a collection of 1984 National Geographics? ...never mind.
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: TURTLE
Subject: flaming pumpkin
Date & Time: 11/03/89 22:47:47
Message Number 204
> ... who are ransoming it for three hundred Hostess Twinkies ...
> ... which they obviously won't get because Elvis' brain isn't worth a
> ding-dong ...
Well, which is it? Twinkies, or Ding Dongs? I prefer Yodels and, of
course, Sno-Balls myself.
===========
From: YNGLING
To: TURTLE
Subject: What gives?
Date & Time: 11/04/89 00:51:51
Message Number 205
Jeez, I'm gone for a couple weeks due to viral contamination; finally
get my hands on a 'puter for an evening; and discover I've been dropped
from the user files. What a friendly reptile you turned out to be. I
still havent cured my pc so dont bother leaving a reply (which I'm sure
would have contained an apology). Just thought I'd drop in and say hi.
Hi. There I've done it.
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: TURTLE
Subject: Party Foxes
Date & Time: 11/04/89 02:46:58
Message Number 206
Am I expected to juggle, or will someone be attempting to juggle me?
By the way, hi, I'm here. But you knew that.
I might be dragging some of the Tampan MSTF people down with me... at
least part of the "crowd" that attended the FurryParty. They thought
it was kinda odd that the MSTF GT would be in Sarasota, though. (grin)
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Opening Screen
Date & Time: 11/04/89 02:51:43
Message Number 207
The beagle looks for apples and animal products. It's an awfully cute
puppy. Not at all like the six-foot, 300 pound, snarling German
Shepards with the six-inch drool-covered fangs that greet you at most
European airports. The beagle wears a cute little green jacket, too.
"Beagle Brigade," of course.
///FOX
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: YNGLING
Subject: What gives?
Date & Time: 11/04/89 02:56:27
Message Number 208
I love it when people read the logon so carefully.
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: TURTLE
Subject: Like, yo...
Date & Time: 11/04/89 02:57:15
Message Number 209
I have come to (dis)grace your board with my overwhelming presents...
or something like that. What presents, you ask? Well, I don't really
know. I was just quoting someone I don't know personally. Oh yeah,
this is my official registration.
Handle: Fox
Real Name: Phil
Reason: (in debate)
Excuse: none
References: Nicklaus Wirth, Bill Gates, Jack Tramiel, Dan Quayle
I guess I'll probably call back, now that I've called once. Of course,
that means I'll be spending even more non-existant funds on calling a
board I have no hope of actually participating on in the way I'd prefer.
Oh, that reminds me. I want to set up a small network of sorts, linking
aLTER rEALITY, The Wyvern's Den, and the MKKS Z-Station (M.S.B. -- my
system... when it bothers to be on-line) so we can all keep in E-contact
without me spending all my non-money on calls to Sarasota all the time.
We might even maybe perhaps possibly mull over thinking about the concep
of considering the possibility of perchance connecting with the "Gossip
Echo" Down Your Way and the MSTF-wanna-be Doctors' Walk-In BBS up here;
could call it the Suncoast Gossip Echo, or something equally FIDO-ish...
Well, I'll talk to ya later. Gimme call. Seeya on the 11th otherwise.
TAYL!
Fox
(I like just "Fox" as opposed to "Bartholomew Fox," don't you? Maybe
a handle change would be in order. Or I could go as "Slobbering Infant"
or "Babbling Moron" or somesuch. Or... or I could be an IBM user....
Nah. Screw it. Later...
"
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: DONTHEN
Subject: flaming pumpkin
Date & Time: 11/04/89 11:51:12
Message Number 210
Yes but you forgot to mention the hostess cup cakes. Those are my
favorite.
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: ALL
Subject: Howdy...
Date & Time: 11/04/89 19:50:24
Message Number 212
Yep, if you'd-a seen this place about a year ago, you wouldn't think
anythin' short a levelin' it woulda cleaned it up. Miz Sable sure seems
to have a way with a business.
Take the bar itself. Nobody but Georgia woulda been able to get a
mahogany top--well, that ain't true, but nobody but her woulda been able
to /keep/ one in such good shape, considerin' the folks who usually come
through these parts. That's the way she does everything--nothin' but th
best. Don't know if the curs around here deserve it, ya know? People
still call the Black Dog a dive, but it ain't one. Ya can tell that
just by lookin' around.
Georgia Sable herself is in the back somewhere, I suppose. Right
pretty woman for her age, but if you're a man, it's her daughter you
better look out fer. Sherry's about the cutest thing in a dress you've
ever seen, and if she's feelin' playful, she'll drive everythin' out of
your mind except wonderin' if she's the cutest thing out of a dress, too
I hear tell she--no, Georgia'd kill me if I spread that. 'Sides, Sherry
would tell ya herself if she likes you. Heh.
The piano player? Don't know much about him. Calls himself Butch.
Don't know where he got the eye-patch, either. Doesn't say a whole lot,
but plays the keys pretty well.
By the way, I'm Ralph. So, what'll it be?
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Hey!
Date & Time: 11/04/89 23:46:48
Message Number 213
The Files area is growing by leaps and bounds. Several new text files
have been added, and there is now a new area: ascii pictures! I have
a few ASCII pictures (no GIF viewer needed; no graphics card needed;
just print 'em out) on file, and will add more shortly.
I am considering adding a GIF pictures area; if you're interested,
let me know. In the meantime, take a look at what's there...
===========
From: THE SEEKER
To: ALL
Subject: Another ..
Date & Time: 11/05/89 12:44:53
Message Number 215
...creative BBS, Suncoast City, 953-5505... New games for the creative:
XORU - a medieval fantasy text adventure...VERY complex and
fascinating: best online text adventure I've ever seen: all computers
can play, and if you get ANSI color, it shows it... First time
callers can play....
...AND... Suncoast City/Wyvern's Den picnick this coming Saturday,
at Le Croissant, center city Sarasota, (Main St): great conversation,
great food (cheap, too), and a few suprises: all callers (i.e.,
everyone who reads this) welcome! 11 AM to 2 PM... Hope to meet you
there!
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: fuel injection
Date & Time: 11/06/89 01:02:05
Message Number 219
Since I hate to call any Board and not post anything, but I have
nothing special to scream about, I thought I'd step out oof character
and express the hope that you and all your users have had a pleasant
weekend.
( but Jane Fonda STILL eats at the Y' )
===========
From: STRIPE
To: ALL
Subject: Gettin' Started
Date & Time: 11/06/89 07:40:48
Message Number 220
The tall, lanky raccoon glares at the noonday sun with a sour
expression as he strides down the dusty street toward the Black Dog
Saloon--a common destination for him, particularly seeing how's it's
a fairly quiet Saturday and the place should be open any minute now.
He is, naturally enough, feeling quite hung-over and is therefore in
an even grouchier mood than usual, which is right remarkable, consideing
that he's got a legendary temper 'round these parts--not to mention
being one of the fastest draws around. (It's for the latter reason
that folks don't usually call him a grouch, 'ceptin if they have maybe
50 other people with them...)
Stripe gives the world one more glare before pushing into the
Black Dog, which at the moment is totally deserted save for Ralph.
Exactly the way he wants it... The raccoon sits heavily at the bar and
without preamble orders a whiskey--straight up. "Rough night, Stripe?"
Ralph says without sympathy as he pours the drink. The raccoon grunts
and tosses back the dark brown liquid, then orders another. "Stagecoach
due in today," he thinks to himself as he idly fingers the silver star
pinned to his vest. "Things'll be picking up before too long. Should
be an interesting day..."
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: It's HERE!!!
Date & Time: 11/06/89 08:13:49
Message Number 221
The Black Dog Saloon is now open for business! Step right up, git
yerself a character, have a drink! Here's some background info for you
to help get you started...
The Black Dog Saloon is located in the town of Hell's Bluff, a
typical middlin' large settlement out west somewhere. Hell's Bluff
don't have much to reccomend it to anyone, 'cept for its location
(seeing how 'least two major stagecoach paths intersect here).
The saloon is owned by Miss Georgia Sable, who also owns the Aces High
Casino 'cross town, and the Gentleman Stranger hotel, the only one
worth talkin' about for at least a hundred miles around. (More
on these establishments later...) Georgia and her daughter Sherry are,
naturally enough, sables.
Some of the other characters around here may need a little intro-
duction, too. Butch, the piano player at the Black Dog, is a canine
type; looks rather like Spuds Mackenzie with an eyepatch. Ralph, the
bartender, is a genial, outgoing silver fox And, of course, you've
already met Stripe...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Dumb reptiles
Date & Time: 11/06/89 08:40:00
Message Number 222
Due to a phenomanally stupid operator error, all previous messages
posted in conference 7 (Social Issues) have gone away...perhaps I shall
take this as incentive to begin backing up the message base from time
to time.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Music
Date & Time: 11/06/89 14:35:56
Message Number 224
Some music acts I'd like to see...
+ Dolly Parton and Ronnie Dio performing a duet. Any duet.
+ An Iron Maiden remake of "You Light Up My Life."
+ A Simon and Garfunkel version of Metallica's "Master of Puppets."
+ A Stevie Wonder/Anthrax charity concert.
+ Finally, Golden Earring performing their version of "Like a
Virgin"...
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: SAURON
Subject: Continuing...
Date & Time: 11/06/89 21:37:50
Message Number 225
Eight billion dollars spent on cosmetics? Sheesh! What percent of
that does Tammy Fae get? (And what percent of that does she spend
on herself?)
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: fuzzy pumpkins?
Date & Time: 11/06/89 21:40:59
Message Number 226
I had the misfortune of seeing the first about forty minutes of
Killer Klowns From Outer Space. (All four legs were tied to stakes
nailed in the ground, and it took me fourty minutes to work them out..)
A few of the special effects were... interesting, and I'd love to
know what the scriptwriter was on when he created this plot, but it's
the kind of movie which: "If it comes into your town again, here's
your golden opportunity: you can miss it again."
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: flaming pumpkin
Date & Time: 11/06/89 21:44:44
Message Number 227
In a nutshell, yes.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
Subject: Party Foxes
Date & Time: 11/06/89 21:45:44
Message Number 228
How 'bout this idea: alternate monthly between Sarasota and Tampa
for the MSTF meeting. The SaraTampa (or is it TamSara? whatever)
furries are just about evenly split between the two cities...
(of course, you could be like Donthen & Turtle, who'd drive to
Atlanta for the SaraTampa MSTF meeting...)
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: SAURON
Subject: fuel injection
Date & Time: 11/06/89 21:50:27
Message Number 229
Dear Sauron,
I thank you kindly for your inquiring over my weekend. I have had
a very pleasant weekend, as I received a weekend pass to visit my
filly who lives about five hours away. Although I missed dearly my
close acquintences from the world of computers, we spent a mutually
profitable weekend together (chaperoned, of course.) Can I quit
the Victorian twiddle now?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Music
Date & Time: 11/06/89 21:55:42
Message Number 230
So it's YOUR altered reality that caused the Pet Shop Boys to try to
remake "You Were Always On My Mind." Additions to that list:
+ Howard Jones doing a song involving only guitars. (ANY song)
+ Squeeze doing some song that does not sound like every other
song they've done.
+ Any New Age song that actually has a beginning and ending...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: PARTNERS
Subject: Howdy
Date & Time: 11/06/89 22:08:26
Message Number 231
[from the Crocodile Roc'namus]
Walking by the Black Dog Saloon, I glance in. The only customer is
Stripe, so I walk in.
In a town where most folk wear fur, a crocodile is a rare enough
sight -- and usually avoided. There ain't no crocodile that doesn't
look gruff: having as many teeth as we do helps with the image.
Though I've never done anything to dispell the image of "rough and
ready," I've made a few friends in the town. What th' hell. If I'm
gonna try and be social-like today, might as well stop in at the
Saloon.
As I walk through the doors, I tip my brown Stetson to Ralph.
For some reason, whenever I enter, he always changes his song to one
I don't recognise, muttering something about "early Elton John."
I mosey up to the bar.
"Ralph, pour me a beer." Silently, he turns around and pulls me a
mug. It's gulped down in a few seconds.
I turn to Stripe, fingering his badge. "So, when's the coach
runnin' through town?"
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Problem
Date & Time: 11/06/89 22:25:17
Message Number 232
Dear Turtle,
Tried to log off your system. It wouldn't let me... You might
try fixing the "goodbye" sequence...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: ANGEL
To: WHATEVER
Subject: Zsa-zsa
Date & Time: 11/06/89 23:58:05
Message Number 234
Did you hear Zsa-zsa is introducing a new line of men's cologne.
It's called Conviction ... you just slap it on.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Fuzzy clowns!
Date & Time: 11/07/89 02:41:57
Message Number 235
Oh, c'mon, where's your sense of The Great Universal Unifying Aura of
Really Bad Movies?! Killer Klowns from Space is...well, a unique
movie-going experience, and one the mere mortal doesn't often get the
opportunity to enjoy... the movie is a classic! It's like "The Stuff"
and "Battle Beyond the Stars" all rolled into one! A true intergalactic
stupid treat!
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Ha!
Date & Time: 11/07/89 09:35:30
Message Number 237
The external program needs to check for carrier drop on its own; there
is a flag in high memory now to check for local logons. Yes, you'd have
to modify the door programs to do that. Big, fat, hairy deal. If you
think you can write a short high-mem routine that PBBSH can install
that can do carrier check as a background task, and reload PBBSH (or if
PBBSH protects itself, just jump to "START" so it reloads PBBS from
that point), I'll be glad to integrate it in. Making the door two-way
would be massively tricky, though; PBBSH would need to save all the
current user information in CURRENT/USR somehow, *and* modify PBBS to
look for a CURRENT/USR file after it initializes--if it's there, it
would read it in, kill the file, and jump to the main menu. It could be
made "one-and-a-half-way" by letting people reload PBBS and relog on;
the door supervisor program (i.e., the menu of things to do) could keep
its own mini-userlog maintaining a last call date and time limit, and
thus make sure people only spend a certain amount of time in the door
each day.
Aforementioned background task ^ could also check the keyboard for
F1, a key that ostensibly couldn't be sent from the modem, and go to a
mini-chat mode when it's pressed. The carrier detect routine would be
fairly simple, but /you're/ the one who says he knows how to make the
computer drop what it's doing and reload the program on the advice of
a measly little background task....
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: ANGEL
Subject: Randomness
Date & Time: 11/07/89 12:44:49
Message Number 238
Did you hear they're cancelling Easter next year? They found the
body.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Fuzzy clowns!
Date & Time: 11/07/89 12:45:39
Message Number 239
Unicorns are born without a Universal Unifying Aura of Really Bad
Movies. Maybe that's why we're not that well-established in the Galactic
community...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHARLES DITTELL
To: ALL
Subject: Programming
Date & Time: 11/08/89 18:55:10
Message Number 241
If you do any programming, in ANY language, for ANY computer type,
call Suncoast City BBS and tell the Sysop (me, Charles Dittell) what
you've done. Suncoast City has a C & F Distributing area, where we
feature locally written software. We (Frank Merrill and myself) also
call many l.d. bbs's and upload files from local authors. We've both
written some programs (in QuickBasic, and shortly in Turbo Pascal and
then "C"), and would be happy to evaluate your program(s)! Give a
call : Suncoast City BBS (813)953-5505. Oh, there's no cost involved:
we do it 'cause we like to....
===========
From: CHARLES DITTELL
To: ALL
Subject: Picnick!!!
Date & Time: 11/08/89 18:58:42
Message Number 242
This coming Saturday! 11 AM (you can do it!) to 2 pm, at Le Croissant
in center city Sarasota (main street). Great fun, great conversation,
great food, great food prices)....
Hope to see you there!
===========
From: TURTLE
To: PS:<*>
Subject: *
Date & Time: 11/09/89 04:01:39
Message Number 243
"Hey, Noah!"
"What?"
"What is that thing?"
"It's an ark!"
"You wanna get it out of my driveway? What's that thing for, anyway?"
"I can't tell you, ha ha ha ha."
"Will you give me a hint?"
"You want a hint?"
"Yeah!"
"How long can you tread water? Ha ha ha ha."
===========
From: STRIPE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Howdy
Date & Time: 11/09/89 17:27:46
Message Number 246
The raccoon fixes the intrusive alligator with a nasty glare. "You!"
he bellows, then winces and holds his head. Somewhat more quietly, he
continues, "You got some nerve talklin' to me all friendly-like after
last night...but then, I suppose you can afford to, can't you? Mr.
'Oh-look-another-full-house' himself. Have you spent all my money
yet? I've half a mind to bust your varmint ass for creatin' a public
nuisance, you know." He turns away from the reptile and back to the
bar, with a "Coach should be here in about half an hour or so, just like
every Saturday."
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Easter
Date & Time: 11/09/89 17:33:26
Message Number 247
What? No Easter this year? Such a pity...I do so enjoy telling small
children that the Easter Bunny has been hit by a truck...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Hey!!
Date & Time: 11/09/89 17:34:16
Message Number 248
It's here...the official PBBS Mail Check program! It *should* tell
you whenever you have messages or private mail working...but it may
still be a leetle buggy, so report any problems to Turtle and he'll
try to fix 'em...
Coming soon...
Doors to weirdness!
KludgeNet (tm) echo areas!
A large, well-constructed temple-like building, with many interesting
stained-glass windows and doors made from solid brass!
Progress...where we're going, we don't *need* progress!
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: DONTHEN
Subject: David
Date & Time: 11/09/89 18:45:12
Message Number 249
Donthen -- Couldn't log on to your board; no one was home. David
Brandson (sp?) is coming tomorrow... he'll be at the bus station
between four and four thirty P.M.
Yes, this is a threat.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: ANGEL
To: TURTLE
Subject: Picnic
Date & Time: 11/09/89 20:34:59
Message Number 250
Anyone know the exact address of la Crescent (can't spell French)?
I tend to get lost in my own driveway, so exact numeric addresses are a
great asset to me. Hope to see ya all there providing I get back from
St. Pete at a decent hour. Going to see Hal Holbrook as Mark Twain.
Just thought I'd share that with you.
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: TURTLE
Subject: Halfshell
Date & Time: 11/10/89 01:56:41
Message Number 251
Or Hardshell Software. KludgeNet. Cute name, but it sounds really
kinda like sorta FIDOrk. But, hey... this sounds awful system-to-system
(as opposed to a real net). Sounds like it could work! Sounds like
it'll take some work, too, though. Oh well... sounds like the sorta
project I could get into. HEY, by the way, I'm not sure how it works,
but BYE519 and BYE520 are supposed to be "Fido/Opus/Tabby compatible."
Would that help? I'm gonna probably write my own BBS software from the
ground up anyway. This message is real coherent, isn't it? Damn, I
really hate my brain when it's this tired. Why am I bothering even to
type at you now when I'll see you in person Saturday? Why am I asking
you that question in a message? Why am I asking you something which
I won't get to see the answer to before I see you anyway? Shit. I'm
really tired, and my brain leaks. See ya later...
xoF dezufnoC --
===========
From: RUFUS
To: ANGEL
Subject: Picnic
Date & Time: 11/10/89 15:27:31
Message Number 252
All I can say is it's after where Main Street turns into a one way
street. A whole lotta help, huh?
===========
From: TURTLE
To: RUFUS
Subject: Gnu BBS
Date & Time: 11/10/89 18:00:35
Message Number 255
When will the hours be extended? I trust it will eventually become a
24 hour system; it's really difficult to run a limited-hour board.
Everyone always calls outside the proscribed hours...
===========
From: SAURON
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: fuel injection
Date & Time: 11/10/89 20:31:18
Message Number 256
You tempt me sorely ( Saurally?) to step back into character and
inquire if it was time off for good behavior or...
Yes - you may now de-twiddle.
===========
From: SAURON
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Continuing...
Date & Time: 11/10/89 20:34:57
Message Number 257
(Tammy) I'd say most.
===========
From: SAURON
To: ANYONE WHO'LL LISTEN
Subject: HER
Date & Time: 11/10/89 20:36:42
Message Number 258
SREW ANN LANDERS! (You - not me )
===========
From: ANGEL
To: TURTLE
Subject: Hello...
Date & Time: 11/11/89 01:45:22
Message Number 260
Good lord, reptile, we're neighbors! I live in Spring Oaks, the back
entrance of which opens on to 301 just opposite Shadowood. Thanks for
the offer of a follow, but at this hour I'm not sure I'll be getting
up at an early time. Just got back from Hal Holbrook, and it was a
trip! He was indescribably fantastic. Anyway, hope to see you tomorrow
providing I wake up in time to see tomorrow.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SAURON
Subject: HER
Date & Time: 11/11/89 03:08:27
Message Number 261
Thanks for the kind offer, but I'd really rather not srew anybody...
don't you know that srewing is illegal in seventeen states?
Anyway, I'll bite: What's with Ann Landers? Why rant about her in
particular when there are so many other people (Jerry Falwell, Jeremy
Rifkin, Dan Quayle, Jane Fonda, Oral Roberts) who are infinitely
more deserving of it?
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Never do this
Date & Time: 11/11/89 03:11:15
Message Number 262
Here is a list of Things Not To Do:
Wear night vision goggles to a fireworks display.
Carry nitroglycerine in a backpack.
Juggle cactuses.
Wear a hearing aid to a heavy metal concert.
And finally, eat microwaved pizza while sitting alone in a dark room
listening to "Pink Floyd The Final Cut"...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: +++
Subject: Amazing thing
Date & Time: 11/11/89 03:16:55
Message Number 263
Well, the McDonald's corporation, long a "politically correct" fast
food place (they have never used Argentinian beef, they don't
support Icelandic whaling, they use styrofoam containers inflated
with carbon dioxide instead of flourocarbons, etc, etc) has just
announced a bold new move in the right direction: McD's in several
states now recycle all their plastic, foam, and cardboard refuse.
Wow, like, really intense, ya know?
---~---
Seriously, though, it IS always good to see a major multinational
corporation actually DO something about problems like overflowing
landfills and depleted resources. Too bad more corporations aren't
willing to be as responsible...
---~---
...or more people for that matter.
---~---
Hey, this is, like, my home, ya know? I wouldn't approve of people
arriving at my doorstep and dumping garbage in my living room; why
should I approve of people dumping it anmywhere else? Especially when
it still contains perfectly usable resources...
---~---
OK, so call me one o' dem pinko liberal environmentalists. I've never
seen the point of taking renewable resources and making them non-
renewable, or of throwing away everything you can get your hands on
and then bellyaching 'cause it's all getting harder to find and you
can't find any place to put the waste...
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: SAURON
Subject: fuel injection
Date & Time: 11/11/89 19:30:44
Message Number 264
(I'm wondering what the subject has to do with our current
conversation... Oh, well: these are the norms for BBS'ing.) Twiddle?
My dear sir! I do not twiddle! I neither twiddle, tweak, twine,
twosome, twy two twalk like twis, nor twongelles.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: SAURON
Subject: HER
Date & Time: 11/11/89 19:33:29
Message Number 265
And how can one 'srew' a person? My OED doesn't list that verb.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: STRIPE
Subject: Our story
Date & Time: 11/11/89 19:36:32
Message Number 266
I smile back at our sherriff. "Well, some days, some of us are
lucky."
"And twice in a row, you were dealt three aces!" shouts Stripe.
"Three aces!"
I just smile and say nothing. Stripe didn't notice the deck wasn't
shuffled between the two times I got three aces...
I down the rest of my brew, pay for the beer, and leave a tip
the size of the cost of my beer -- just to spite Stripe a bit.
As I leave the Black Dog Saloon, I nod to Butch.
The town is idolated -- not a soul in the dirt street can be
seen. I peel off some cigarrette paper, pour a little tobacco in,
seal my cigarette, and light it from a nearby torch. It was going to
be a long day.
===========
From: ANGEL
To: TURTLE ET AL
Subject: Picnic
Date & Time: 11/11/89 23:44:24
Message Number 267
It was a pleasure to finally get to meet you and all the furry group
a la Crescent Roll today. It's nice to have a face to put to the names
and conversations. Take care, neighbor!
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: STRIPE
Subject: coons 'n' yiprs
Date & Time: 11/11/89 23:52:53
Message Number 268
Arf! Fur yer files, my REAL address is... (are you ready for this?)
(No? Oh well, no problem... most people have my PO Box only which is
good cuz I'm not into visitors... especially people like that Mr. D
guy, or worse yet, SCOTT ALSTON) (Oh, you're ready now? Okay...) Uhm,
oh yeah, the address. Right. OK!
Bartholomew Fox (aka Bill Biersdorf, or whatever)
P.O. Box (JUST KIDDING... yeah, I know, you HAVE that one; OK, really:)
13206 Tifton Drive
Tampa, FL 33618-3022 (phone: 1-961-5747)
*YIP*
Any other inanee questions? No? Damn. OK, I
(oh screw it -- the address is all you really wanted -- I
am just being obnoxious now. Sorry. LIKE, LATER DUDE!!) /// FOX
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: MSTF meeting
Date & Time: 11/12/89 04:54:15
Message Number 269
Well, the MSTF meeting (and subsequent weirdness) yesterday was a great
success...even if half the people who were /supposed/ to appear seemed
to have a gratuitous existance failure...
In other news, it appears my phone line has recently been tapped by
unknown persons, for unknown reasons. Please bear with us, and the
situation may be remedied in the not-so-distant future (gods
permitting). I hope this does not present *too* great a damper to
creative spirits...
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: Gnu BBS
Date & Time: 11/12/89 09:15:35
Message Number 270
Well, once I get another drive and serial card, it'll be 24hr on the
ole Franklin Ace 1000. I'd just like to be around for the first week
so if any nasty bugs pop up ( which I've had before ) I can fix them.
===========
From: CYBERPUNK
To: ALL
Subject: story
Date & Time: 11/12/89 11:01:03
Message Number 271
as the Crocadile and the racoon are arguing over the card game the night
before and the money, they didn't notice the guy who walked in the door.
he sat down next to the alligator and said "Hi, my name is Talon, what's
new around here??? I'm new in town..." (by the way, he is Human)
and he orders a beer.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: 'Trit' machine
Date & Time: 11/12/89 15:14:25
Message Number 272
Some comments about your 'trit' (trinary digit) machine:
Let's call the three states possible on the machine 'T' or 2 for
absolutely true (corresponding to 1 on a binary machine), 'U' or 1
for an uncertain response (no correspondence, of course), and 'F' or
0 for absolutely false (corresponding to a zero on a binary machine.)
I've only come up with one major advantage for trinary machines:
there would only need to be one flag for compare and for zero. (Instead
of Donthen's idea: zero, not zero, and kinda zero) After a compare
statement, the 'compare' flag is 2 for x>y, 1 if x=y, or 0 if x<y.
This is logical, and reduces the flags necessary by one.
'AND' and 'OR' statements, of course, will have to be scrapped,
with a 'LEAST per trit' and a 'GREATEST per trit' statements taking
over. What do I mean? Try '012012012 LPT 222111000' = 012011000,
and '012012012 GPT 222111000' = 222112012. LPT can still 'mask out
trits' (very useful, indeed!) and GPT can force trits to be set.
Even still, I don't think there's a correlation to the logical NOT
command. (Is NOT F defined to be U or T?)
If this were the only change to the system, (having trinary), I
don't know if it would be worth the hassle (except, of course, to have
a system that CANNOT be compatible with anything else on the planet.)
But I'd still like to talk with you sometime about the instruction
set of such a machine (not too many changes, actually!).
By the way, if you're trying to write an emulator (I might be...),
to keep from losing much memort, store five trits in eight bits. (values
from 0-242 in memory that can store values from 0-255.) If memory is
reall important, a better scheme is storing 17 trits in 27 bits. (The
first loses about 5.35% of your memory, the second, 3.93%. These are
the best for under thirty bits.)
If you're really feeling weird (and want to be hassled),
Robert A. Heinlein thought of the same idea. He suggested three-phase
A.C. to represent the states.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: 'Trit' machine
Date & Time: 11/12/89 16:52:49
Message Number 274
Well, a trinary machine's greatest single advantage would lie in the
fact that you can achieve greater information density with trinary
encoding than with binary encoding...an equivalent number of storage
units would store information with a 50% greater density in trinary
than binary. (Thiat would allow you to use, say, six-trit "trytes"
instead of eight-bit bytes, or simply to use an eight-trit tryte and
code more information per tryte.) Obviously, the machine's instruction
set could be larger and still use only single-tryte instructions
(you could get an instruction set almost as rich as the Z-80's
without resorting to two and three tryte instructions.)
"Not" operators and other Boolean operators obviously wouldn't apply
to trinary arithmetic; obviously, you'd have to invent a new symbolic
algebra for dealing with trinary. (I like the "greater of" and "lesser
of" operators, by the way.) Many of Watts' objections simply aren't
valid, since he was attempting to make binary operators work in trinary.
Instead of a "compare" and "jump if zero" instruction sequence, for
example, you would probably get (as you pointed out) a "compare" and
"jump if less than/equal/greater than." (I could point out to Watts that
this would save programming effort...in current systems, in order to
compare magnitudes you have to use both the zero and carry flags: after
a compare, the zero flag is set (and the carry is irrelevant) if they
are equal; otherwise, the carry is set for A<n and reset for A>n...)
===========
From: ROCKY
To: ALL....
Subject: Movies....
Date & Time: 11/12/89 20:39:21
Message Number 276
You guys are gonna think I'm weird or something, but I just got the
video tapes of "Bambi" and "The Land Before Time" and really enjoyed
them!!!! God, it had been so many years since I heard "That's why they
call me Thumper" that I just had this terrible urge to go out and get
the video. Being the classics that both of these movies are (Land Before
Time had no choice but to become a classic, being a Lucas/Spielberg
production), I'll have you ALL know that, YES, I did truely enjoy
watching these classics, and YES, they still excite and elate, and YES!
I did CRY!!!! So there!!!! But seriously, these movies still get me
every time.
===========
From: STRIPE
To: ALL
Subject: Introductions
Date & Time: 11/12/89 21:17:19
Message Number 277
Stripe watched the crocodile go, obviously so intent on impressing
him with his new-found wealth that he totally ignored the stranger
and walked out without saying a word to anybody (except his reflexive
goodbye to the not-present Butch). The furry sherriff grunted in
slight amusement and turned his attention to Talon, scrutinizing
him from head to foot. Human, which was uncommon around these parts;
expensively dressed; a total stranger. After the examination, Stripe
extended a hand and said "Well, welcome to my town. Things are usually
slow around here, but that's the way I like it, if you catch my drift.
Gonna be a stagecoach arriving soon. So, whereabouts ar you from, and
what brings you to Hell's Bluff? You don't rightly look like most of the
folks we get in these parts."
===========
From: RUFUS
To: ROCKY
Subject: Movies....
Date & Time: 11/13/89 16:46:47
Message Number 278
I like Bambi myself, even thought I havn't seen it in a few years. I
havn't seen "The Land Before Time" yet. I really like "Lady & the
Tramp" and "The Fox and the Hound."
===========
From: TURTLE
To: RUFUS
Subject: Movies....
Date & Time: 11/13/89 17:31:24
Message Number 279
"Bambi" is a fairly good movie, but not as good as what I've seen of
"Fantasia" (never seen the entire thing; I keep waiting in vain for
it to be re-released...) "The Land Before Time" looks entirely too...
cute for my tastes. The animation in it is amazing, even if some of the
effects remind me very strongly of the video game "Dragon's Lair" (not
surprising, since they were both animated by Don Bluth, who incidentally
has a /new/ movie out now...) As far as touching, sentimental films
go, though, "Blade Runner" and "Alien" are more my cup of tea.
(He he he...)
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Trinary machine
Date & Time: 11/13/89 17:36:32
Message Number 280
How exactly do you plan to model this thing, anyway? You can certainly
store the trits as a series of bits with X bits representing Y trits,
but man, would the algorithm for extracting a trit stream from a bit
stream be beastly! If you're only going to emulate a 4-trit micro-
processor with limited memory, it might be better to use a simple
two-bits-equals-one-trit scheme. Sure it'll waste prodigious amounts of
memory, but if you're modeling a 1 kilotrit machine on a 640 kilobyte
computer, so what? It will speed things up enormously and make the
program MUCH simpler to write. I'd only worry about more efficient
storage if I were modeling a /big/ trinary computer, and doing it in
assembly so encoding and decoding trinary digits would still be
fast.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: trinary again
Date & Time: 11/13/89 17:42:06
Message Number 281
Oh yeah. Using three-phase AC to represent the three possible trinary
states is a somewhat dubious proposition at best. It certainly wouldn't
work with existing semiconductor technology, and providing a power
supply to such a machine would be a beastly job. I prefer my idea
(-5V, 0V, +5V to represent F, U, and T)...it could be implemented
without a great deal of difficulty using conventional solid-state
devices, and such a machine's architecture wouldn't differ /too/
radically from conventional computers...
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: ROCKY
Subject: Movies....
Date & Time: 11/13/89 22:25:32
Message Number 282
I'm still waiting to afford my copy of Bambi. I'd really be happy if
Disney would concent to release the occasional tape in letter-box format
though... but somehow I doubt it'll ever happen (they still make money
off of the re-releases every seven years because people want to see the
whole picture... REAL BIG).
The Land Before Time, like everything Don Bluth has ever done, was
really beautifully animated. When I saw the movie, I really didn't like
the story very much, but I would probably have to see it again to be
sure how I feel now. Have you seen Bluth's other films, specifically
An American Tail and The Secret of NIMH? (I have the latter title on
tape finally.) If you like his work, you might be interesed in knowing
his latest film (All Dogs Go To Heaven) is coming out now, as is the
latest Disney release, The Little Mermaid.
One of these days I'm going to HAVE to get "The Fox and the Hound."
/// THE FOX
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: RUFUS
Subject: Fox & Dinosaur
Date & Time: 11/13/89 22:31:13
Message Number 283
The Land Before Time was the Anthropomorphic Dinosaur movie that came
out a few months back. It's already on tape! The theatre in Tampa
where I saw it played this FANTASTIC 10-minute short before called
The Family Dog. It was really rough animated (clean, but with probably
intentionally hand-written-looking lines) but the story was better than
the feature!
Arf!
===========
From: WONDERDORK
To: PSYCHE
Subject: Laser shows
Date & Time: 11/14/89 16:11:22
Message Number 286
YES THEY DO ALAN PARSON'S SHOWS
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: Movies....
Date & Time: 11/14/89 20:52:35
Message Number 287
I'm trying to remeber this movie(?) that had a wonderfuly funny scene
where two wizards ( one an old male, one an old female ) had a duel.
they kept on changing into diffrent animals to try and destroy the other
one. I remeber one of the rules was no imaginary animals.
I'd like to see it again because it was great.
===========
From: RUFUS
To: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
Subject: Movies....
Date & Time: 11/14/89 20:55:34
Message Number 288
I LOVE "The Fox and the Hound"!! What a movie. I don't care what
anyone says, I loved it.
===========
From: RUFUS
To: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
Subject: Fox & Dinosaur
Date & Time: 11/14/89 20:57:48
Message Number 289
Way off base, but they have a graphic novel about dinosaurs who are
hit men. What I saw, it was pretty funny.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: 'Trit' machine
Date & Time: 11/15/89 14:51:17
Message Number 290
My thoughts exactly. But -- and here's the real question -- would it
really be possible to shrink a trinary machine to the size that
microchips are headed? (There's talk of using the spins of individual
atoms as the binary mechanism; not much chance of changing that to
trinary.)
I was (and still am) a bit sick at the time, so I may not have
explained myself perfectly clearly. I realized that standard binary
logic would not work in a trinary machine, so I "invented" new operators
that would do the work of AND and OR of stripping trytes. (And they
keep much of the original flavor of AND and OR!) I was saying that
there would probably NOT be a logical way to transfer a computer
scientist's idea of NOT into a trinary machine.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Trinary machine
Date & Time: 11/15/89 14:58:04
Message Number 291
Eight bits = Five trits isn't all THAT hard for a computer to figure
out; if you have memory to waste, use a 243-place table in memory.
(In the interests of speed, you'd probably need 486 bytes for the
table.) If one were to simulate a large trit machine, using a table
would waste only a little bit of memory (instead of wasting four
bits for every trit), and still run relatively fast. (It might lose
maybe a few clicks looking up the equivalents...) Even in a three-K
simulated tryt machine, the simulation with table will use less memory
than yours.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
Subject: Movies....
Date & Time: 11/15/89 15:04:44
Message Number 292
Oh, yeah... remind me, next time I go up to Tampa: I have something
else for you that I got in a Christian bookstore. (A beautiful witness
for Christ... a momento that you'll treasure for a lifetime. A...
Cut the crap. He's not believing it.)
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: Movies....
Date & Time: 11/15/89 15:07:00
Message Number 293
Two films that I know of that fit the description:
"The Sword in the Stone" had a battle between Merlin and a CUTE
old witch that fits your description... Merlin kept choosing tiny forms,
and the witch terribly powerful-looking forms.
"Willow" -- I believe -- had a live-action sequence of scenes like
that. The old "good" one had to change form several times before she
was human again... then came the spell match.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Movies....
Date & Time: 11/15/89 16:50:30
Message Number 294
It must be "The Sword in the Stone" since it was animated.
===========
From: RUFUS
To: ALL
Subject: The BBS
Date & Time: 11/15/89 16:52:31
Message Number 295
Well, the Zero G BBS is as 24 hrs. as it gets. I still use it for
school stuff, so if it doesn't answer, I'm using it.
NUMBER: 371-3498
BAUD: 300/1200/2400 ( 2400 has been acting up, so try 1200 if 2400 won't
work ).
BE SURE TO HIT RETURN A FEW TIMES AFTER YOU CONNECT.
===========
From: CRYSTAL
To: RUFUS
Subject: Zero "G"
Date & Time: 11/16/89 00:29:30
Message Number 296
I tried to re-log on to your board, but all passwords I tried to use did
not work. All pass-numbers I've tried do not work. I do not even know
if I can log on again with my username. These and many unanswered
questions will come up again and again. I quess will work it out any-
way I wanted you to know. Thanks for all the help. SEE YAA
crystal
===========
From: TURTLE
To: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
Subject: Addresses
Date & Time: 11/16/89 05:01:10
Message Number 297
My address:
5700 N Tamiami Trail #242
Sarasota, FL 34243
---~---
The sysop of Remote Control (the MSTF wanna be down here) is:
Tyler Robinson
4953 Greencroft Road
Sarasota, FL 34235
---~---
You should send him the MSTF application, your card, etc, etc...
===========
From: ONYOURSELF
To: ALL
Subject: wam
Date & Time: 11/16/89 16:16:08
Message Number 298
a new feminist group. pretty radical. I mean, just a bit political and i
hope the cia doesnt get after us. you see, we call ourselves wam. women
against men? almost, but not as antagonistic. we're women against men
struation. like i said, its a little bit radical, and i havent quit
figured out the dietary requirements but people are really enthusiastic
lookout navahos, we're getting smart, too. yes, you too can do away with
all that messiness and stupid comments about bitchiness, women of the
world will really and truly be equal. i'm excited, yes folks, na grass-
roots cultural, biological revolution. and it all starts right here. or
should i say ends...period.
by the way, if this doesnt quite work out the way i anticipate, i have a
plan b. that's b for blood. wifomm. yes, wifomm. women in favor of men
menstruating. a little more radical but i think we can do it, i mean,
make them do it, of course.
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: ONYOURSELF
Subject: wam
Date & Time: 11/16/89 17:34:34
Message Number 299
I refuse to join any organization in which the proponent doesn't
know how to use capitals. AND I DON'T MEAN SPEAKING LIKE THIS.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: New Log-on
Date & Time: 11/16/89 17:35:48
Message Number 300
I LIKE it! Too bad you don't have the PDP hooked up to the TRS-80....
you'll REALLY give people shocks if/when we get it working.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: New Log-on
Date & Time: 11/16/89 20:15:17
Message Number 301
I agree, it's diffrent.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: wam
Date & Time: 11/16/89 05:44:36
Message Number 305
but chip, don't you think capital letters are just a little domineering?
equality of letterhood is an important cause, too...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: PDP...
Date & Time: 11/16/89 05:45:50
Message Number 306
I will be talking this weekend to a person who has a PDP 11/23. He has
a PDP Unibus controller for 8" drives, and two DEC 8" floppies. Whether
or not he'll give/sell them to us is a different story. (If he does,
I can get RSTS...the PDP /single user/ operating system...on 8" floppies
from a guy in Virginia (not scvm)...) Networking the PDP to the TRS-80
really isn't such a bad idea, but you'd need /really/ high access on
aLTER rEALITY to be able to connect with the mainframe...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: New Files!
Date & Time: 11/16/89 03:37:21
Message Number 307
The Library has expanded again, with three new and amusing text files
available for download. Check 'em out! Also, the librarian wishes to
express thanks to Rocky for graciously uploading two new picture
files in the Ascii Pictures section...Tnx1E+06!
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: Well...
Date & Time: 11/16/89 20:47:28
Message Number 308
I hear that this system wouldn't enter messages for the past day or
so. If that happened to anybody, please leave me mail and describe
what happened...it seens to be OK now, though...
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: MSTF meeting
Date & Time: 11/17/89 01:24:09
Message Number 309
Ha! just as I suspected...you have no doubt been engaged in subservent
activities. Maybe even subversive...or is it servile?
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: Well...
Date & Time: 11/17/89 01:27:40
Message Number 310
Could this be the real meaning of "The Silent Majority"?
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: HER
Date & Time: 11/17/89 01:29:39
Message Number 311
The bitch has like, 11 million readers. I figure I can collectively
piss off a larger crowd than say - JerrY Falwell's group.
Besides, she's such an inviting target, with her endless
pontifications on everything from the correct way to give Head to
squirrels to forming posses in New Mexico suburban towns.
===========
From: SAURON
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: HER
Date & Time: 11/17/89 01:33:46
Message Number 312
Am I scenting the old 'taste of his own medicine' syndrome here?
===========
From: SAURON
To: ONYOURSELF
Subject: wam
Date & Time: 11/17/89 01:36:07
Message Number 313
My...how curious.
===========
From: SAURON
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: capitals
Date & Time: 11/17/89 01:36:48
Message Number 314
I used the Capital once...for a urinal. I'd been drinking this cheap
wine, see, and I was hitchhiking through D.C. and...
===========
From: SAURON
To: RENFIELD
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/17/89 01:39:13
Message Number 315
I wish someone would revive "Big Little Books" Huh? You ask. I bet
Donthen knows of which I speak. As a kid i remember seeing a few and
they were old even THEN.
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: Amazing thing
Date & Time: 11/17/89 01:42:10
Message Number 316
It's not only "The right thing to do" as ole' Wilfred would say, it's
damn near essential. More importantly - it's efficient.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SAURON
Subject: MSTF meeting
Date & Time: 11/17/89 04:00:30
Message Number 317
Me? Subversive? Not recently. (I have been seen comparing Dan Quayle
to a potato in public, though). I suspect the sole reason my phone
has been tapped is that I run a bulletin board system...no doubt
somebody somewhere thinks I'm operating a phreakers or hackers system
or some such rot. (Or it's kosher in Florida to tap BBS's for the
hell of it...which wouldn't really surprise me; Florida is one of
the strictest states in the country when it comes to bulletin board
regulation. There's a list of laws as long as your arm concerning
how you can and can't run a BBS in this country, and they all end with
things like "Failure to comply with this law may result in a 10-year
prison sentence and a $25,000 fine.") Anyway, it's a fairly annoying
state of affairs; I was one UNHAPPY reptile when I verified that my
phone is indeed being monitored.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SAURON
Subject: Well...
Date & Time: 11/17/89 04:05:58
Message Number 318
% Reply Lost
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SAURON
Subject: Amazing thing
Date & Time: 11/17/89 04:08:22
Message Number 319
I am always so amazed when people who use disposable diapers, disposable
silverware, disposable pens, disposable flashlights, and disposable
cameras band together to protest a new landfill somebody wants to put in
their town...you have to wonder what they're using for brains. I'd
/really/ like to talk to some of these people sometime: "Yo, Sparky!
Get over here! Now listen up. You don't want garbage in your town, huh?
Would you prefer it in your front yard maybe? Hmm? You know those guys
who remove it from your yard? You know...the big, sweaty men who drive
up at 4 AM, scare the cat, and wake the children. Yeah, them...they
don't just make the trash go away, you know. They, like, /take it
somewhere./ Really! And that somewhere is lookin' pretty full. So
Unless you wanna eat this hear pile of garbage, I suggest you either
stop makin' so much of it or stop bitchin' cause there ain't nowhere
else to put it..."
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: SAURON
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/17/89 07:37:22
Message Number 322
Actually, I think they're still around, but I'm not sure. Somebody is
bringing back Classics Illustrated in January. I've always thought that
was a slightly loony idea, especially when people try to use the comic
version as illustrated Cliffs' Notes, but then again, they've got Gahan
Wilson doing an adaptation of "The Raven" by Poe....
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Well...
Date & Time: 11/17/89 07:39:53
Message Number 323
> % Reply Lost.
Nice try.
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: ALL
Subject: Wyvern's Den
Date & Time: 11/17/89 07:40:48
Message Number 324
The Wyvern's Den is back online with absolutely no messages. Storyboard
messages are... kinda saved. Sorta. Maybe. Some of them. A few.
Without headers. In the wrong order. Fun fun fun. At any rate,
anybody who remembers where we were in the storyboard is free to pick up
where we left off; in fact, sometime today (around 3:00 pm) I'll post a
"brief summary" of what was going on before the crash. This will also
help the new, confused users we've been having figure out what's going
on.
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: MSTF meeting
Date & Time: 11/17/89 09:19:11
Message Number 325
Two questions:
1) Where can one get a list of the BBS laws and regulations?
2) How did you determine that your line is tapped?
===========
From: TURTLE
To: RUFUS
Subject: BBS stuff
Date & Time: 11/17/89 17:56:07
Message Number 329
Two answers:
1) I imagine the BBS laws are available at any city records office; I
/believe/ that is where one picks up copies of state laws.
2) Well, I suspected my phone was being tapped when I lost a dial
tone one morning at 3 AM but still had voltage on the line; that
simply doesn't happen. So Bart Fox was kind enough to play around
with it for a bit, and coerced it into producing a funny tone that
indicated the line was indeed tapped...with a tap that resonates
at the frequency I was hearing. Since then I have been plagued by
"double-clicks" (a sound like an extension being picked up, sort of)
every now and then when I place a call, and other minor bits of
randomness that annoy me no end.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: DONTHEN
Subject: Wyvern's Den
Date & Time: 11/17/89 18:00:43
Message Number 330
Your misfortunes have given me the impetus to grit my teeth and start
making regular weekly backups of the entire bulletin board. Backed
/everything/ up last night. Isn't it nice to know that others can profit
from your tales of grief?
===========
From: CORWYN OF AMBER
To: TURTLE
Subject: PDP...
Date & Time: 11/17/89 20:45:26
Message Number 331
What does the PDP use for input/output does it have anything so mundane
as some type of serial port? How do yyou print from the sucker? Oh, what
can it do, I mean in terms of processing...... Do you REALLY know what
it does against a 486 running M(u)S(h)-Dos? By the way I found the most
important attribute of a rat (mouse): They're great for playing Arka-
noid. Off to my Lots of Silly Parenthesis... - Corwyn
===========
From: CORWYN OF AMBER
To: SAURON
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/17/89 20:52:09
Message Number 332
I still have about four or five of those stashed away at home.
They range from Bugs Bunny to Mickey Mouse to Spider Man. One of them
I'm not sure which, is missing the great little flip-it cartoons...
Makes it a lot less fun to re-read... But they're still on my summer's
re-reading list... Although down a few....
- Corwyn
===========
From: YNGLING
To: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
Subject: Say what?
Date & Time: 11/17/89 22:25:45
Message Number 333
This is a reply to a message you left for me on 11/04 which implied
that I didnt read the logon or else I wouldve known why I was dropped
from the user files (at least I THINK thats what you were implying) -
well, its been a while but to the best of my knowledge there was no
logon msg. to that effect when I logged on. But I certainly did
appreciate your facetiousness...really made my day...brought back fond
memories of an early morning in Michigan when I discovered the nine
millimeter/ steel jacketed solution to the critter that was killing our
chickens.....
===========
From: YNGLING
To: CORWYN OF AMBER
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/17/89 22:41:20
Message Number 334
Corwyn, you are obviously a man of few words (or was that a pause for
dramatic effect?).
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CORWYN OF AMBER
Subject: PDP...
Date & Time: 11/19/89 05:14:11
Message Number 335
Well, it uses serial ports for the terminals, and special controllers
for any mass storage devices it may have. It also has a 9600-baud
132-column line printer that uses a funky 50-pin connector...Its
speed against a PC would depend heavily on what kind of job it was doing
and how many active terminals it was keeping track of. (Under RSX/11M,
the thing is capable of running 128 jobs simultaneously!) It'd be
real hard to run the Norton benchmark program on it, though...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: YNGLING
Subject: Say what?
Date & Time: 11/19/89 05:16:54
Message Number 336
Well, the logon screen (which I changed before you saw it) was along
the lines of "Due to a catastrophic error involving a rubber band,
three exotic dancers, and Chip P. Unicorn, the userlog has been totally
wiped out. If you haven't called recently, please re-register." Chip
did a number on my userlog...he tried to log on, and it went away.
Such is life.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: YNGLING
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/19/89 05:18:39
Message Number 337
You never saw Corwyn's message...and until 5 minutes ago, neither did I
or anyone else. I had a small problem with the message base yesterday;
all messages posted on 11/17 and 11/18 were saved correctly but with an
end-of-text marker as the very first character in the actual message. So
I just spent 45 minutes fixing the problem; I hope it doesn't recur...
Apologies to anyone who was inconvenienced.
--An annoyed Turtle
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/19/89 05:20:57
Message Number 338
There is now a Local BBS list available in the [I]nformation area
on the [S]how neat stuff menu. This list has been updated effective
today, and is believed to be accurate. Your help is appreciated in
maintaining it...if you know of any new BBSes going up in the area,
or any on the list that have gone down, drop me a line. This same
list is also available for downloading from the Wyvern's Den...you
know, that "other" MSTF PBBS system. Thank you for your support.
--A devoted-to-public-service Turtle
===========
From: CHARLES DITTELL
To: TURTLE
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/19/89 13:29:06
Message Number 339
Hey, have you gone 'regular'?? A BBS list...just a plain 'ol bbs list?
Why not a "secret bbs list"...with numbers of the bbs's randomly
assigned? Makes for some creative work on the callers' part...just
give a few hints, as:
one of the Sarsota boards whose sysop's name rhymes with
the name of a large African animal has a phone number
with 2 "3's" in it....
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: BBS stuff
Date & Time: 11/19/89 18:43:18
Message Number 341
Thank you for both answers.
Ribbit...
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CORWYN OF AMBER
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/19/89 18:44:29
Message Number 342
I have a BLB of Mickey Mouse visits the really small people or something
like that.
But it doesn't have those flip-it cartoons in the corner.
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/19/89 18:46:47
Message Number 343
Speaking of MSTF, when do I get the application form that is supposedly
around somewhere?? People call up and laugh, and say "This isn't an MST
( + F ) system. HAHAHA"
===========
From: TURTLE
To: CHARLES DITTELL
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/20/89 02:54:27
Message Number 349
Hmm...Gazelle...Dittell...Gazelle...naah. Anyway, yes, it's true
(*gasp*); aLTER rEALITY has gone (*sob!*) normal. I'll be putting
the Lotus 1-2-3 discussion areas and the MS-DOS download directories
(filled with all the latest archiving programs: ARC, LHARC, PKARC,
PKPAK, PKZIP, PKCHOKE, PKPUKE, and PKDIE) in the next few days or so.
In fact, I might even spell this board's name in a conventional fashion
soon, register for the Republican party, and buy a Ford Tempo in the
near future.
--A reformed Turtle
===========
From: TURTLE
To: RUFUS
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/20/89 02:58:53
Message Number 350
I had a neat-O book once (not a Big Little Book) about Porky Pig and
Bugs Bunny flying to the North Pole, getting involved in a plane wreck,
and finding an underground civilization where everyone used gold for
EVERYTHING. The book was about 4" by 5" and about 3" thick...it only had
maybe 50 words printed on each page. The most remarkable thing about
it was this really amazing flip-it cartoon in the corner..since the book
was pretty near a thousand pages, it was a /long/ cartoon (even flipping
at top speed). Can't remember what it was called or where it disappeared
to; that was a /long/ time ago.
--A literate Turtle
===========
From: TURTLE
To: RUFUS
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/20/89 03:02:20
Message Number 351
You'll be getting one soon. Bart Fox has graciously volunteered to
/personally/ sponsor your board... (Now BE HONORED!)
--A Most Significant Time-travelling Turtle
(Be forewarned...the sucker is 10 pages long. I have one sitting
next to me right now.)
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: wam
Date & Time: 11/20/89 13:35:11
Message Number 352
Yes, but smallcaps give a sense of insecurity, as if one wishes to
retreat into ones shell (no offense, Turtle), while writing in all
capitals gives the impression of one trying to bulldoze through life
without waiting for other people's feelings. The proper mixture of the
two implies a healthy mind, devoid of either inferiority or superiority
complexes (which, of course, are the same thing.)
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: MSTF meeting
Date & Time: 11/20/89 13:42:05
Message Number 353
Personally, I believe those who are tapping your board should log on,
just for the heck of it. They've already seen that this board is not
a phreaker's board. Yes, it's a hacker's board -- in the old sense of
the word. We're not interested in destroying other computer systems;
our technical talks have been about building new systems (or improving
old ones...)
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: Well...
Date & Time: 11/20/89 13:44:17
Message Number 354
% Reply to Reply Lost
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: DONTHEN
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/20/89 13:45:25
Message Number 355
Don't tell you-know-who about that adaptation! He'll buy them all up...
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/20/89 13:52:19
Message Number 356
aLTER rEALITY has gone normal? Mythological beasties can't prance
around the board any more <tear falling from Chip's eye.> Turtle
plans on joining the Republican Party, wearing business suits (or
Izod's in his leisure time), have 2.3 kiddies, and go out to the
Polo matches every weekend? The people on this board are becoming
<GULP!> Yuppies?!? No! I can't stand it!
the disenchanted Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: LORELEI
To: ALL
Subject: DOLPHINS
Date & Time: 11/20/89 14:50:03
Message Number 357
Does anyone out there know for certain whether dolphin red blood cells
have a nucleus? If you do, please respond and note your reference
source. The reason for this request is for a research project (so far,
Mote Marine Lab and The Dolphin Research Center disagree on the answer).
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/20/89 17:05:59
Message Number 358
Wow! Spiffy, gee walekers...yippie yelp kiwi nose! Hey, I'm talking
to Bart now. Spiffy wows keen....10 pages...yippie....
===========
From: BENN
To: SALOONERS
Subject: Benn & co.
Date & Time: 11/20/89 17:43:16
Message Number 360
The light from the doorway is now blocked by a large bear, and four
smaller bears, two of them wait outside, near the door. The large bear
spots Stripe and his hand edges closer to one of his guns. the two brown
bears sit at the bar, facing Stripe. Enter Benn, loan bear, extortionist
, murderer, stagecoach hiester. He runs the illegal outfits in town,
prostitution, casino rigging.. from his own little casino on the outside
of town. His hoods 'convince' people they should stop at his casino...
(The authorities haven't been able to connect him to these crimes...
this echoes an old west 'morph Al Copone huh? haha) He approaches
Butch and drops some money onto the piano,and noone hears their
conversation about the stagecoach hitting town soon...
--------
by the way, Benn has more than just a passing fancy for Sable's daughter
....
Another brilliant plot development by:
Spellwind
===========
From: CORWYN OF AMBER
To: YNGLING
Subject: Words
Date & Time: 11/20/89 18:30:55
Message Number 361
Somehow I managed to let the editor eat my last lines. I'm one of those
people who have been spoiled by full screen ansi editors. Hopefully I
can manage to send this message complete but who knows? If it doesn't
make sense I probably wrote it that way, If it does look for missing
non-sensical sentences.....
- Corwyn
===========
From: CORWYN OF AMBER
To: RUFUS
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/20/89 18:33:47
Message Number 362
Ya, that's one of the one's that I have... the little people have an
Island that's solid gold. Great book, but I guess that's the one that
doesn't have flip-it cartoons. They should have made them mandatory in
BLB's they just aren't the same without them.
- Corwyn
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/20/89 18:41:11
Message Number 363
No, not yuppies, PREPPIES. Donthen now smokes Izod cigars.
===========
From: CYBERPUNK
To: ANYONE
Subject: next conv.
Date & Time: 11/20/89 20:09:32
Message Number 365
hey all, anyone know when the next comic convention will be held? i
mean one that will be in close vacinity, like, Tampa? and if any of you
guys know anyone that have any of the episodes of ROBOTECH any of the
3 generations on video, thanks!!
*Cy*
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ALL
Subject: RufusCon '89
Date & Time: 11/20/89 23:03:49
Message Number 366
RufusCon '89 is upon us!!! Announcing:
T h e f i r s t a n n u a l R u f u s C o n ! ! !
When: Saturday, November 26, 1989, from 5 PM to ???
Where: Turtle's house (leave E-mail to Turtle for directions if you're
confused.)
Why: for fun! Schedule of events: Rufus Party, Furry Party, Synchronized
Jumping, Rufus Look-Alike Contest, Juggling Foxes, and /really/ bad
movies...
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: TURTLE
Subject: That lidl hous?
Date & Time: 11/21/89 15:11:36
Message Number 367
Thats house is a bit small for a big thing like this! you'll hafta
move the table outside or something!
===========
From: SPELLWIND
To: LORELEI
Subject: DOLPHINS
Date & Time: 11/21/89 15:50:49
Message Number 368
WHAT?!?
===========
From: ANGEL
To: TURTLE
Subject: PDP...
Date & Time: 11/22/89 00:31:52
Message Number 370
Ya, under RSX/11M the PDP /CAN/ run a kazillion jobs at once, but at
work we've found a mere dozen will bring it to its knees, especially if
one task is doing heavy I/O. It's an extremely slow machine in practice
though it benchmarks well.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: ANGEL
Subject: PDP...
Date & Time: 11/22/89 03:53:01
Message Number 372
Reminds me of this Cyber 760 I had the misfortune to use for a time.
Its greatest claim to fame was the ability to run 90 terminals at once,
each of them doing several jobs; but when more than about 10 people
were logged on it got r e a l s l o w. Took me 15 minutes just
to log on once...no exaggeration, I timed it. And NOS has got to be
the most pathetic O/S I've ever seen...it doesn't even know XON-XOFF.
Just keeps sending "Please Wait" when it wants you to slow down, and
ignores any ^S characters in its input stream. (Yeech! Hate it hate
it hate it.) NOS starts thrashing at right around 8 jobs...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: BENN
Subject: Benn & co.
Date & Time: 11/22/89 03:57:00
Message Number 373
Stripe looks up as the bear enters the tavern, with a decidedly ugly
expression. "You get out of this tavern right now," he says very, very
quietly through gritted teeth, rising slowly from the bar. "I am in no
mood to deal with you or your cronies, and I WILL NOT have you causing
problems in my town. Especially not today. I'm going to be real friendly
and give you fair warning...if you want to keep your mangy, flea-ridden
body in one piece, take it out of my sight before it gets damaged."
His conversation with Talon seems to have faded into the background
as the raccoon glares at the bear with a go-ahead-make-my-day look.
===========
From: BENN
To: STRIPE
Subject: *
Date & Time: 11/22/89 04:26:45
Message Number 374
"Louie, Emilio, go get the others," Benn says. He beckons the others
into the room and whispers in their ears. They walk in
and then slowly pace to the other side of the room. Louie and Emilio
enter with a weasel and a fox, with drawn rifles. " I don't want no
trouble either M7friend, heh, I ain't done nothin' to provoke you, just
wanted to get a drink and play some poker, how about it sheriff, 5 card
for drinks? I don't cheat, I don't want no trouble with you, so take it
easy.." he says to Stripe. He whispers something to Butch, who sticks a
harmonica in his mouth (moves it with his lips y'know) and starts to
play...
===========
From: BENN
To: BENN
Subject: *
Date & Time: 11/22/89 04:35:20
Message Number 375
...starts to play Piano Man...
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: RUFUS
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/22/89 11:51:23
Message Number 376
There are really two forms, both of which (I think) must be filled
out -- total of thirteen pages.
Pleasant working!
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: DONTHEN
Subject: Izod cigars
Date & Time: 11/22/89 11:53:02
Message Number 377
Yeah, but do they have tobacco leaves the shapes of little alligators?
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: TURTLE
Subject: PDP...
Date & Time: 11/22/89 11:54:59
Message Number 378
Yeah, but at least the PDP just fit in my station wagon.
Chip P. Unicorn
===========
From: CHIP P. UNICORN
To: Y'ALL
Subject: Croc Roc'
Date & Time: 11/22/89 11:56:52
Message Number 379
Seeing Benn, Emilio, and Louie enter the bar, Roc' decided that
was the best place to be. He dropped his cigarette, stomped it out,
and entered the bar.
The four were sitting down around a table, with Stripe looking
uncomfortably surrounded. Heck -- Stripe might be the best shot in
town, but anyone can be out-shot when it's three against one.
When Ben pulled out a deck of cards, Roc' pulled up a chair between
Stripe and Louie. "Deal me in," he says. Stripe glares at Roc', but
says nothing.
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: RUFUS
Subject: Fox & the Hound
Date & Time: 11/22/89 22:18:13
Message Number 380
Arf!
By the way, it looks like I won't be able to bring that to RufusCon '89.
(grumble)
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: YNGLING
Subject: Say what?
Date & Time: 11/22/89 22:26:32
Message Number 381
Arf! (I'd have a better reply if I knew what the heck you were talking
about... but...)
===========
From: BARTHOLOMEW FOX
To: TURTLE
Subject: Fweep... fweep
Date & Time: 11/22/89 22:34:48
Message Number 382
Arf! ArroooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOooOOoOOOOOoOOoOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
And so on. No Fox+Hund... no Fantasia... maybe even no GBBS v1.3j (the
DWEEB didn't bother to get it for me... AUGH!). Grumble. Anyway... I
"just" got off of Zero where a couple of "official"-ish references to
the MSTF should scare any potential geek board... or make it curious
enought to send in the $4 application fee... (grin) Ahem. Anyway, I'm
gonna go bye-bye now... I smashed my thumb and it hurts. Oh, perchance
did you notice I'm incoherent? Yes? Good. Oh, that reminds me... did
you hafta take something known as CLAST? some sorta exam from The Evil
State? Just curious. Gimme call. I'll be visiting soon. We'll all
meet at Le Croissant for dinner on Friday, neh? Yeah... someting like
that... if I'm able to show up that soon. AUGH! Fun day. Later...
-- Bartholomew Fox (04)
(different entity from Bill Biersdorf, 25)
===========
From: RUFUS
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/23/89 08:09:32
Message Number 383
Great, there's another thing I have to do before I die, boy, this'll go
right under "Find out what that stuff in a Twinkie is."
"Find person who made MSTF form and beat senseless."
===========
From: DONTHEN
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: Izod cigars
Date & Time: 11/23/89 13:15:21
Message Number 384
No, they have little alligators on the wrapping.
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: MSTF meeting
Date & Time: 11/24/89 00:07:21
Message Number 385
How'd you go about verifying that?....if you can say openly.
===========
From: SAURON
To: CHARLES DITTELL
Subject: Umgawa
Date & Time: 11/24/89 00:11:49
Message Number 386
Hey Charles, how the hell are you?
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/24/89 00:13:42
Message Number 387
Sure you will...when Hell freezes over. Or when intelligent life is
discovered in 'Suncoast Gossip' - whichever comes first.
===========
From: SAURON
To: CHIP P. UNICORN
Subject: yuppies
Date & Time: 11/24/89 00:16:45
Message Number 388
Spontaneous thought: A yuppie is nothing more than a guppy that has
dropped the "Gee" and substituted "Why" ...nahhhh!
===========
From: SAURON
To: LORELEI
Subject: DOLPHINS
Date & Time: 11/24/89 00:19:04
Message Number 389
I should think the answer to this dilemma could be found in either of
two ways:
1. Ask Don Shula
2. Obtain an inexpensive microscope and examine one.
(sorry - just in a silly mood)
===========
From: SAURON
To: DONTHEN
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/24/89 00:24:27
Message Number 390
Classics coming back? God, I never knew the'd gone away. I hated em'
as a kid, but wouldbe mildly interested to see how they would in a more
contemporary motiff.
===========
From: SAURON
To: CORWYN OF AMBER
Subject: BLB
Date & Time: 11/24/89 00:27:23
Message Number 391
Spiderman...that tells me they must be of much later vintage than the
ones I remember seeing with 40's and early 50's copyrights. (they were,
if memory serves - .15 cents)
===========
From: SAURON
To: TURTLE
Subject: text things
Date & Time: 11/24/89 00:30:54
Message Number 392
To digress; another neat thing about 40's comics were those neat
one page text inserts a lot of them had. A mini story-no pictures
sandwiched between two normal stories.
One of remembered favoriteswas a clown called Jon Jarl. ( of the Space
Patrol - I shit you not ) who was featured in every issue of PLANET
comics. Sometimes his tales kind of interspersed with the flagship story
of PLANET, which was 'The Lost World' a pretty damn good story, conside
-ring how long ago it was written.
===========
From: SAURON
To: ALL
Subject: oops
Date & Time: 11/24/89 00:39:57
Message Number 393
Sorry about the sloppiness in the last 2 messages I posted. Between a
sticky spacebar and being saturated with both Butterball and Jack
Daniels...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: RUFUS
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/24/89 03:56:51
Message Number 394
Find person who made MSTF form and beat senseless?? Bart Fox and I
made that form, in a massive brainstorming session that lasted until
6 AM last time he was down! And if you beat us senseless, we'll have
to hold RufusCon in the hospital...
===========
From: RUFUS
To: TURTLE
Subject: New additions
Date & Time: 11/24/89 14:55:00
Message Number 396
O.K. I'll shave the fox senseless, and leave it at that. I really hate
forms, any kind..and well....err, I forgot what I was going to say.
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SAURON
Subject: MSTF phones
Date & Time: 11/24/89 15:03:32
Message Number 397
>How'd you go about verifying that?
Well, it helped that I was actually on the phone when they tapped it (at
about 3 AM, no less); anyway, Bartholomew Fox was kind enough to come
down a few days later and play around with the telephone until he got
the tapping equipment to get annoyed and start whining (loudly, I might
add) into the phone...
===========
From: TURTLE
To: SAURON
Subject: oops
Date & Time: 11/24/89 15:09:43
Message Number 398
>Between a sticky spacebar and being saturated with both Butterball
>and Jack Daniels...
Are these two things perhaps causally connected? (Never drink and BBS...
it's real bad for the computer...) Anyway, hope you (and everyone else
on the board) had a good Thanksgiving.
===========
From: CHARLES DITTELL
To: TURTLE
Subject: OMIGODNO!
Date & Time: 11/24/89 17:27:42
Message Number 400
Don't do it!! Stay pure, and true to your lifegoals! Nothing that
copies whatever's out there....how about new settings, as:
1855 baud, 5N3...SolarNet...Pl{anetary Echomail....etc...
===========
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