1947 lines
75 KiB
Plaintext
1947 lines
75 KiB
Plaintext
cat script.nyc
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The Rocky Horror Picture Show
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=============================
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[ Props: (in some sort of order)
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Rice
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Bouquet (opt)
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Rings (opt)
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Newspaper (pref. Plain Dealer)
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Water (squirt gun, or whatever)
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Matches (failing which, another source of light)
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Doughnuts (opt)
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Rubber Gloves (opt)
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Noisemaker
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Confetti (torn newpapers will suffice)
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Toilet Paper (pref. Scott)
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Toast
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Party Hat
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Bell
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Frankfurters (opt)
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Sponges (opt)
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Cards
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Paper Airplanes
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General Information:
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Audience instructions are in square brackets. Text in
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quotes is to be shouted. The instruction 'Echo' indicates that the
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following line is to be shouted in unison with the film.
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Whenever Brad appears, or, especially, introduces himself,
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the line "Asshole!" is appropriate. With more discretion, the line
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"Slut!" is appropriate to Janet. Whenever the Narrator (Charles
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Gray) appears, the following lines and variants are appropriate: "He's
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got no neck!"; "Bo-ring!"; "Charles Gray, he's O.K.!". Dr. Scott may be
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booed.
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Note: all audience lines are taken from the New York ones
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-- 8th Street Playhouse and Eastside Cinema -- with the exception of
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a very few of them. --Tina M.]
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SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE
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[at opening bars of music,
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"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, God said, 'Let there be
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Lips', and they were. And they were good."]
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Usherette(lips): Michael Rennie was ill
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The Day the Earth Stood still
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But he told us where we stand. ["On our feet!"]
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And Flash Gordon was there
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In silver [echo: "purple"] underwear, ["Pervert!"]
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Claude Rains was the Invisible Man.
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["Outta sight!"]
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Then something went wrong
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For Fay Wray and King Kong;
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They got caught in a celluloid jam. ["Yay jam!"]
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Then at a deadly pace
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It Came From... ["where?"] Outer Space. ["Thank you!"]
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And this is how the message ran:
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["Freeze!"]
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Chorus: Science fiction, double feature
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Doctor X will build a creature.
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See androids fighting ["And fucking and sucking on"]
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Brad and Janet
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Anne Francis stars in ["Deep Throat and"] Forbidden Planet
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Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
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At the late night, double feature, picture show.
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[at Charles Gray's name: "That man has no fucking neck!"]
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[credits: ad-libs of "Asshole" and "Slut" at Brad and Janet's names;
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at Peter Suschitsky's: "What the fuck's a Suschitsky?" --"Polish
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diarrhea!"; at Jim Sharman: "Don't squeeze the Charmin!"; at Sue
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Blane: "Sue's to Blane" or "Don't Blane Sue!"; point at 'Richard
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Pointing'...etc.]
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Usherette(lips): I knew Leo G. Carrol
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Was over [echo: "fucking"] a barrel
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When Tarantula took to the hills. ["Lick it!"]
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And I really got hot
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When I saw Jeanette Scott [echo: "Janet's twat"]
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Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.
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["What the fuck is a triffid?"]
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Dana Andrews said Prunes
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Gave him the runes [Echo: "...shits"]
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And passing them used lots of skills. ["Yay skills!"]
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But When Worlds Collide, [clap hands, "Boom!"]
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Said George Powell to his bride,
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"I'm gonna give you some terrible [echo "sexual"] thrills,"
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Like a...
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[("X-ray!")]
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Chorus: Science fiction, double feature
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Doctor X will build a creature.
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See androids fighting ["And fucking and sucking on..."]
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Brad and Janet
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Anne Francis stars in ["Deep Throat and"] Forbidden Planet
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Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
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At the late night, double feature, picture show.
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I wanna go
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Oh Oh Oh
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To the late night double feature picture show,
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By RKO, ["R-K-Who?"]
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Oh Oh Oh
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To the late night double feature picture show,
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["Where's the best place to fuck?"]
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In the back row, ["Fuck the Back Row!" Back row: "Fuck the
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front row!" Front row: "We fucked you first!"]
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Oh Oh Oh
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To the late night, double feature, picture show!
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Dentonian: Here they come! (Dentonians cheer and throw rice) [throw RICE]
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Photographer: Let's get a picture. Close together now. The parents and
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then the grandparents. Just of the close family. Ahhh,
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hold that. Beautiful. And... (snap)
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Ralph: I guess we really did it, huh. ["Hit him! Hit him back!"]
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Brad: I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have
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been almost inseparable since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher
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courses.
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Ralph: Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that's the only reason I
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showed up in the first place. (chuckles)
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Betty: O.K. you guys, this is it. (everyone screams)
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Ralph: Well Betty's going to throw the bouquet. [throw BOUQUET]
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Janet: ["Hey, Janet, do you have syph?"] I got it! I got it!
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Ralph: Hey big fella,["How would you know?"] looks like it could be
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your turn next, eh?
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Brad: Who knows. ["The Shadow knows!"]
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Ralph: Well, so long, see you Brad. ["See ya, sucker!"]
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Guess we better get get going now Betty.
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Come on, hop in. (they drive away)
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["Think about it Asshole...this finger smells like Janet."]
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[read sign: "Be just and fear not. Be stoned and feel not!"]
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[When couple is seen running after the car: "Aw, shit, missed the bus
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again!"]
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Janet: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful? ["No"] Didn't Betty look radiantly
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beautiful? ["No"] I can't believe it. An hour ago she was
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just plain old Betty Monroe, and now...["Now she's a slut"] now
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she's Mrs. Ralph Hapshatt. (sigh)
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["Hapshit, will travel!"]
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Brad: Yes Janet, Ralph is a lucky guy. ["No he's not, she's got syph."]
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Janet: Yes.
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Dentonian: I always cry at weddings. ["I always laugh at funerals!"]
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Brad: Everyone knows that Betty is a wonderful little cook.
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["She's the hottest baked potato in Denton...yay Denton! The
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home of happiness. What's a sign doing in a graveyard?
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Advertising! Hey, that sign has a heart-on!"]
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Janet: Yes.
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Brad: Why Ralph himself, he'll be up for a promotion in a year or two.
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["If he doesn't get busted first!"]
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Janet: Yes.
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DAMMIT JANET
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Brad: Hey Janet. ["Sit on my face and wiggle!"]
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Janet: Yes Brad?
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Brad: I've got something to say.
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Janet: Uh huh.
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["Say it, Asshole!"]
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Brad: I really love the... ["Starts with an S...sku...sku..."] skillful
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way ["What a fuckin' genius!"]... you beat the other girls...
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["With whips and chains"] to the bride's bouquet. ["And
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that too."]
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Janet: Oh Brad.
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[audience echoes 'Janet's, 'Oh Brad's, 'Dammit, Janet's, and 'Brad
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I'm Mad']
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Brad: The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)
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The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)
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So please, don't tell me to can it. (Janet)
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I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.
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The road was long but I ran it. ["Backwards!"]
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There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)
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If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)
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I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.
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Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.
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There's three ways that love can woo. ["Sex, drugs and rock
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and roll"]
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That's good, bad, or mediocre. ["gay, straight, and mediocre"]
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["How do you spell slut?"]
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Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so. [Echo: "I want a blow"]
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["Don't drop it!"]
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["Can we have some black flowers please?"]
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Janet: Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had. (Oh Brad)
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Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad)
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That you met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh Brad)
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[Echo above line: "...you fuck Mom and you blow Dad"]
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I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too.
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Oh Brad...
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Brad: Oh... dammit. [Echo: "Oh...shit."]
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Janet: I'm mad...
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Brad: Oh, Janet. [Echo: "Oh...shit."]
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Janet: For you.
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Brad: I love you too. [Echo: "I want to screw"]
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Brad & Janet: There's one thing left to do - ah - oo. ["Bury a midget!"]
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Brad: And that's go see the man who began it. (Janet)
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["He's in the box!"]
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When we met in his science exam - it (Janet)
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["He's STILL in the box!"]
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Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet)
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[Echo above line as: "...piss in my pants and then panic"]
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Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you.
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Dammit, Janet.
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Janet: Oh Brad, I'm mad.
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Brad: Dammit, Janet.
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Brad & Janet: I love you.
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["The man you are about to see has no fucking neck. Where's your fucking
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neck?" "It's in his other fucking suit."]
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Narrator: I would like ["You would, would you?"], ah, if I may, ["You may
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not!"]...to take you ["Where?"] on a strange journey. ["How
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strange was it?" As Chucky pulls out book: "It was so strange
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they made a movie out of it; not the book, the movie."] It
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seemed a fairly ordinary night ["ordinary?"] when Brad Majors
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["Asshole!"] and his fiancee Janet Weiss ["slut!"], two young,
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normal, healthy kids ["Normal?"], left Denton that late November
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evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott ["Snot" (boos & hisses)],
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ex-tutor, and now friend to both of them. ["Is it true that
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you're constipated?"] It's true there were dark storm clouds...
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["Describe your balls!"] heavy, black, and pendulous, towards
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which they were driving. ["Is it true also that your mother's a
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dyke?"] It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying
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was badly in need of some air ["So's your fucking neck!"], but,
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uh, they being normal kids, ["Normal?"] on a night out... well,
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they weren't going to let a storm spoil the rest of their
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evening, were they? ["Certainly not"] ...On a night out...
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["Come a little bit closer, Chuckie..."] it was a night out
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they were going to remember... ["How long?"] for a very long
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time. ["What a fucking drip."]
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["Hey Dick, have you ever been a quitter?"]
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Nixon: I have never been a quitter...["bullshit!"] To leave office
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before my term is completed is abhorrent to every instinct in my
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body. ["You call that a body?"] But as President ["You call
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that a President?"] I must put the interests of America first.
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["What does America need, Dick?"] America needs a full time
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president...["What else?"] and a full time Congress...
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Janet: Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us.
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They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the
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weather and all.
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Brad: ["Say something stupid, Asshole!"]
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Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type. ["So's Janet"]
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Janet: Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling?
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Brad: ["Make a sound like a cow!"] Mmm.
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We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back. ["Asshole!"]
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Janet: Oh, but where did that motorcyclist come from? ["Japan"; or hum
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a few bars of the Twilight Zone theme]
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Brad: Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.
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["Look out!"] (BOOM)
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Janet: Oh! What was that bang? ["A gang-bang!"]
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Brad: We must have a blowout. DAMMIT! I knew I should have
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gotten that spare tire fixed. ["Asshole!"] Well, you just stay
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here and keep warm and I'll go for help.
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Janet: But where will you go? We're in the middle of nowhere...
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Brad: ["What's white and sells hamburgers and tastes like shit?"]
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Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?
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[general cheers] Maybe they have a telephone we could use.
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["Castles don't have phones, Asshole!"]
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Janet: I'm going with you.
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Brad: Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.
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["Janet's already wet!"]
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Janet: I'm coming with you! ["That'll be a first!"] Besides darling,
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the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman, ["He is!"] and
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you might never come back again. ["You should be so lucky."]
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Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh.
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[they get out of the car "Kick it!". NEWSPAPERS over heads,
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squirt WATER]
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["Buy an umbrella, you cheap bitch!"]
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OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE
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[When sign saying 'Enter at your own risk' is shown: "Can we have a
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close-up on that sign please? --thank you. I still can't read it --
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can you light it up for me?" And when lightning flashes on sign,
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"Thank you."]
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["Watch out for the slut-eating tree!" -- right before Janet ducks a
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tree branch. Or, alternatively, "Turn around, bitch, I can't read
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the sports page!"]
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Janet: ["Sing, bitch!"]
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In the velvet darkness,
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Of the blackest night,
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Burning bright, ["What's up your ass?"] there's a guiding star.
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["That must hurt."]
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No matter what or who you are.
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Brad & Janet: There's a light... [light MATCHES on 'light']
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Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place.
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Brad & Janet: There's a light...
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["Where do you keep your grandmother?"]
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Chorus: Burning in the fireplace...
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[MATCHES out on 'darkness' - "Darkness!" if any lights still on]
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Brad & Janet: There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.
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["Sing to us, O hairless one!"]
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Riff Raff: The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming.
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Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming
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Into my life. Into my life... ["It's the Incredible
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Shrinking Riff Raff!" "Watch that quicksand, Riff..."]
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Brad & Janet: There's a light... [MATCHES again]
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Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place.
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Brad & Janet: There's a light...
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["Where's Santa Claus?"]
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Chorus: Burning in the fireplace.
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There's a light, a light
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Brad & Janet: [off at 'Darkness'] ...in the darkness of everybody's life.
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(in the stage version right after the first chorus Brad has this
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extra verse:
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Brad: I can see the flag fly
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I can see the rain
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Just the same, there has got to be
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Something better here for you and me.
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(repeat chorus))
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["And Betsy Ross used to sit home and sew and sew and..."]
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Narrator: And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and
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that they had found the assistance that their plight required.
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["Are you sure?"] ...Or had they? ["Nyah-ha-ha"]
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Janet: Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and frightened...
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Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone.
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["It's Scooby-Doo in bondage!"]
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(doorbell rings, door creaks open) ["Ding-dong, asshole calling"]
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Riff Raff: ["How do you say 'jell-o' in Spanish?"]
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Hello.
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Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss.
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I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car broke down
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a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use?
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["Look between Janet's legs!"]
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Riff Raff: You're wet.
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Janet: ["Hey Janet. are you a slut?"]
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Yes - ["What's the weather?"] it's raining. ["No shit"]
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Bard: ["Are you an asshole, Brad?"]
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Yes.
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Riff Raff: ["Are you on drugs, Riff?"]
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Yes... I think perhaps you better both ["get lost"] come inside.
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["I don't care where you come, as long as you clean it up" "I don't
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care if you clean it up, as long as you come"]
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Janet: You're too kind. Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place
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is this?
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Brad: Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.
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["Yay, rich weirdos!"]
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Janet: Oh (forlornly)
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["Hey Riff, show us how you finger your sister"]
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Riff Raff: ["Which way?"] This way. ["Follow the bouncing thumb"]
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Janet: Are you having a party? ["No, it's my sister's bas mitzvah"
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or "Do you see any fucking Tupperware?" -- depends on
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where you are]
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Riff Raff: You've arrived on a very special night. It's one of the
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master's affairs. ["Which one?"]
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Janet: Oh lucky him.
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Magenta: You're lucky, He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!
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["The banister's lucky!" instead of "we're all lucky"]
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ha ha ha ha ha
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["Hey Riff, show us your Mummy!"]
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THE TIME WARP
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Riff Raff: It's astounding;
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Time is fleeting;
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Madness ["sucks"] takes its toll.
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But listen closely...
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Magenta: ["How long?"] Not for very much longer.
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Riff Raff: ["How many balls do you have?"]
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I've got to ["I've got three"] keep control.
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I remember doing the time-warp ["Kick, kick"]
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Drinking those moments when
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The blackness would hit me
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Riff & Magenta: And a void would be calling...
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Transylvanians: Let's do the time-warp again.
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Let's do the time-warp again.
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["how's it done?"]
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[Here are the instructions: DO IT!]
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Narrator: It's just a jump to the left.
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All: And then a step to the right.
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Narrator: With your hands on your hips. [Echo "tits -- or somebody else's"]
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All: You bring your knees in tight.
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But it's the pelvic thrust ["ooh-ah-ooh-ah" or "group
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sex, group sex..."]
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That really drives you insane.
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Let's do the time-warp again.
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Let's do the time-warp again.
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Magenta: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.
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So you can't see me, ["Do you douche?"] no, not at all.
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["Smells it."]
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In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,
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["Where are your tits?"]
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Well secluded, I see all.
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Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind flip
|
|
|
|
Magenta: You're into the time slip. ["Fuck that bird!"]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same.
|
|
|
|
Magenta: You're spaced out on sensation.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Like you're under sedation.
|
|
|
|
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Well I was walking down the street just having a think
|
|
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
|
|
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
|
|
He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.
|
|
He stared at me and I felt a change.
|
|
Time meant nothing, never would again.
|
|
|
|
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
Narrator: It's just a jump to the left.
|
|
|
|
All: And then a step to the right.
|
|
|
|
Narrator: With your hands on your hips.
|
|
|
|
All: You bring your knees in tight.
|
|
But it's the pelvic thrust
|
|
That really drives you insane.
|
|
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
(Columbia tap-dances [just before she hits the stairs "Watch
|
|
out!"]) ["2, 4, 6, 8, show us how you masturbate!
|
|
3, 5, 7, 9, if she can do it, so can I! Eat your heart out, Ann
|
|
Miller; eat yourself out, Ann Miller; eat ME out, Ann Miller! Who
|
|
the fuck is Ann Miller?"]
|
|
|
|
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
Narrator: It's just a jump to the left. [Echo: "Get the fuck off the desk"]
|
|
|
|
All: And then a step to the right.
|
|
|
|
Narrator: With your hands on your hips.
|
|
|
|
All: You bring your knees in tight.
|
|
But it's the pelvic thrust
|
|
that really drives you insane.
|
|
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
["Say something stupid, Asshole, and tell us where Drew
|
|
University is" :-) ]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Brad, say something.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison? ["I do the rock
|
|
myself"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Brad, please, let's get out of here.
|
|
|
|
Brad: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.
|
|
|
|
(music cue softly at first, crescendo up) [tap/clap in time to
|
|
Frank's heel; chant: "oral SEX, anal SEX..." etc. in time with the
|
|
music]
|
|
|
|
Brad: It's just a party, Janet.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Well - I want to go.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Well then ask the butler or someone.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Just a moment, Janet - we don't want to interfere
|
|
with their celebration.
|
|
|
|
Janet: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.
|
|
|
|
Brad: They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own.
|
|
They may do some more . . . folk dancing.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared.
|
|
|
|
Brad: I'm here - there's nothing to worry about
|
|
|
|
(Janet screams and faints) [scream]
|
|
|
|
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
|
|
|
|
Frank: How do you do, I
|
|
See you've met my
|
|
Faithful handyman.
|
|
|
|
He's just a little brought down
|
|
Because when you knocked
|
|
He thought you were the candyman.
|
|
|
|
Don't get strung out ["like a tampon"] by the way I look.
|
|
Don't judge a book by its cover.
|
|
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
|
|
But by night I'm one hell of a lover.
|
|
|
|
I'm just a sweet transvestite
|
|
From Transexual, Transylvania.
|
|
|
|
Let me show you around
|
|
Maybe play you a sound.
|
|
You look like you're both pretty groovy. ["Bull shit!"]
|
|
Or if you want something visual
|
|
That's not too abysmal,
|
|
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie. ["Who the fuck
|
|
is Steve Reeves?"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: I'm glad we caught you at home,
|
|
Could we use your phone?
|
|
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
|
|
|
|
Janet: ["left"] Right.["left"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: We'll just say where we are,
|
|
Then go back to the car. [Echo:"then go fuck in the car"]
|
|
We don't want to be any worry. [Echo: "we both want to
|
|
fuck Tim Curry"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well, [echo] how 'bout that?
|
|
Well, babies, don't you panic.
|
|
By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
|
|
I'll get you a satanic mechanic. ["S&M!"]
|
|
|
|
I'm just a sweet transvestite ["Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom"]
|
|
From Transexual, Transylvania.
|
|
|
|
Why don't you stay for the night?
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: [echo] Night.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Or maybe a bite?
|
|
|
|
Columbia: [echo] Bite.
|
|
|
|
Frank: I could show you my favourite obsession. ["Sex"]
|
|
I've been making a man ["Not him!", or "You call that a man?"]
|
|
With blond hair and a tan
|
|
And he's good for relieving my ["sexual"]... tension
|
|
|
|
I'm just a sweet transvestite ["Fuck him with your eyes"]
|
|
From Transexual, Transylvania.
|
|
[echo] HIT IT, HIT IT!
|
|
I'm just a sweet transvestite
|
|
|
|
Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite
|
|
|
|
Frank: From Transexual,
|
|
|
|
Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.
|
|
|
|
Frank: So ["What?"] - come up to the lab,
|
|
And see what's on the slab. [Echo: "And fuck me on the slab"]
|
|
I see you shiver with antici - (3 seconds) ["SAY IT!"
|
|
"consti-"] - pation.
|
|
But maybe the rain
|
|
Isn't really to blame. ["No, Sue's to Blame (Blane)!"]
|
|
So I'll remove the cause ["Your clothes"]. (chuckles) ["What
|
|
about that nasty little symptom?"]
|
|
But not the symptom.
|
|
|
|
(applause) (Brad and Janet are given towels)
|
|
|
|
["Janet's on the rag." "So's Brad." "Don't forget to
|
|
wipe your asshole."]
|
|
Janet: Thank you.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Thank you very much.
|
|
|
|
(Columbia and Riff Raff start to undress Brad and Janet)
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh! Brad!
|
|
|
|
Brad: It's all right Janet. We'll play along for now and pull
|
|
out the aces when the time is right.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush. ["Yay rush!"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee,
|
|
Janet Weiss; ["Spell urinate!"] you are...
|
|
|
|
Columbia: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory.
|
|
Some people would give their right arm for the privilege. ["Or
|
|
their left tit"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: People like you maybe.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Ha! I've seen it.
|
|
|
|
["Grab something useful, Brad - like a shoe!"]
|
|
(Riff Raff pours wine into a glass, takes a swig from the bottle,
|
|
and lets it drop after Columbia says "Shift it" )
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting.
|
|
|
|
["Riff has a drinking problem - he can't hold his liquor"]
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Shift it. ["Drop it! ... "Thank you"]
|
|
|
|
["Hey Riff, show us your serious look -- needs work."]
|
|
|
|
(Janet screeches - the elevator goes up)
|
|
|
|
Janet: Is he - Frank, I mean - your husband?
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I expect he ever
|
|
shall be. We are simply his servants. ["slaves"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh.
|
|
|
|
["Sluts first ... Assholes second... Servants, Groupies, and
|
|
Dykes to the rear" "Side-step it, bitch!"]
|
|
|
|
["Look, it's Ken and Barbie -- with Action-Grip!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["What's your favorite color?"] Magenta, ["Where do you get your
|
|
drugs?"] Columbia, go assist Riff Raff [Echo: "woof-woof"]. I will
|
|
entertain ...uh huh huh...
|
|
(chuckle) ["...the cameraman! Reach out, reach out and touch
|
|
someone"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Brad Majors. And this is my fiancee, Janet "Vice". ["Weisssss"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Weiss.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Weiss? um
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Say something in French"] Enchante.
|
|
|
|
(Janet giggles)
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["What do you think of her tits?"]
|
|
Well! how nice. And what charming underclothes you both have.
|
|
But here. Put these (smocks) on. They'll make you feel less
|
|
["Naked"] vulnerable ["same thing"]. It's not often we receive
|
|
visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality.
|
|
[Echo: "Horse-brutality"]
|
|
|
|
["Get tough, Brad!"]
|
|
Brad: Hospitality!? All we asked was to use your telephone,
|
|
Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Brad, don't be ungrateful.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Ungrateful! [when Brad removes his glasses, "It's Superman!"
|
|
or, "Super Brad!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood.
|
|
So...["big"] dominant (crowd has flurry of laughs).
|
|
["Check it out...cover it, Asshole."] You must be awfully
|
|
proud of him, Janet.
|
|
|
|
Janet: ["Hey, Janet, are you a slut?"] Well, yes I am. (giggles)
|
|
|
|
Frank: Do you have any tattoos, Brad? ["How do you tattoo an asshole?
|
|
With a ballpoint pen"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Certainly not!
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Ask Janet"] Oh well, how about you. (to Janet)
|
|
|
|
Janet: No. (giggling)
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await your
|
|
(pause) word. ["Aww shit, I just had that hump cleaned
|
|
yesterday."]
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Hey Frank, when's the orgy, and who's invited?"]
|
|
Tonight, my unconventional conventionalists... you are to
|
|
witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and paradise
|
|
is to be mine... It was strange the way it happened... suddenly
|
|
you get a break... whole pieces start to fit into place
|
|
["sounds like sex to me"], not a sign of being...what a fool!
|
|
The answer was there all the time, it took a small accident to
|
|
make it happen... ["A what?"] AN ACCIDENT!
|
|
|
|
Magenta & Columbia: An accident!
|
|
|
|
Frank: And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient,
|
|
["Who's your favorite character on Star Trek?"]
|
|
that SPARK that is the breath of life... ["Are you going to fuck
|
|
everyone in the audience tonight?"] Yes, ["Do you know about gay
|
|
sex?"] I have that knowledge...["What do you hold under your arm?"]
|
|
I hold the secret...["to life?"] to life...["Itself?"] itself!
|
|
["F"] You see ["K"]..[Echo "You"] You are fortunate for tonight
|
|
is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN!
|
|
[Echo: "Fucked"]
|
|
(Magenta and Columbia take hold of the cloth)
|
|
|
|
["How do you say Fuck in Chinese?"]
|
|
Up now! ...throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator
|
|
["Not the sonic oscillator!]... and step up the reactor power
|
|
input [echo] THREE MORE POINTS [Echo: "...MORE...TRIANGLES!"]
|
|
|
|
[When Riff turns the wheel, "I've been working on the railroad..."]
|
|
(colorful fluids, etc. in order Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue,
|
|
Indigo, Violet [identify colors as "Red! ...Orange", etc. ])
|
|
|
|
(Rocky emits some gutteral garbage)
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh! [echo] Rocky!
|
|
|
|
THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES
|
|
|
|
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,
|
|
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread.
|
|
Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.
|
|
Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.
|
|
|
|
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.
|
|
|
|
All: That ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread.
|
|
|
|
All: That ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: My high is low, I'm dressed up with no place to go.
|
|
And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh ho no no
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh ho no no
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh ho no no
|
|
|
|
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.
|
|
|
|
All: That ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: And I've got the feeling someone's going to be cutting the thread.
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh no no no.
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh no no no.
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh no no no.
|
|
(repeat until end --- Sha-la-la)
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
|
|
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
|
|
sha-la-la.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Well really. That's no way to behave on your first day out.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Ugh Ugh (forlornly like a puppy dog)
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Forgive him!"]
|
|
But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to
|
|
forgive you.
|
|
|
|
["Hey Rocky, show us how you beat off!"]
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Ugh Ugh (applause) (Rocky [and audience] claps like a child)
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh, I just love success.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, master.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Yes.
|
|
|
|
Magenta: A triumph of your will.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Yes.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: He's O.K.
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Hey Frank, kill that roach!"]
|
|
o.k. (smack) ["Get your tits off my tank!"]
|
|
O.K.! I think we can do better than that. Humph!
|
|
["Ask Brad and Janet!"] Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think of
|
|
him?
|
|
|
|
Janet: ["Lie, Janet!"]
|
|
Well, I don't like a man with too many muscles. ["Just one big
|
|
one"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: I didn't make him... FOR YOU! ["She gets him anyway!"] He carries
|
|
the Charles Atlas seal of approval.
|
|
|
|
I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part I)
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Describe..." insert any name]
|
|
A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds
|
|
["ninety-seven-and-a-half, he jerked off last night!" "Ninety-
|
|
seven-and-three-quarters, he swallowed it!"]
|
|
Will get sand in his face
|
|
When kicked to the ground;
|
|
And soon in the gym with a determined chin,
|
|
The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause
|
|
Will make him glisten ["What's your favorite toothpaste?"]
|
|
...and gleam.
|
|
And with massage, and just a little bit of steam, ["Go for it!"]
|
|
["Missed it, missed it, now you gotta kiss it! That's why he
|
|
missed it"]
|
|
He'll be pink and quite clean
|
|
He'll be a strong man. ["What's your favorite lubricant?"]
|
|
Oh honey...
|
|
|
|
All: But the wrong man.
|
|
|
|
Frank: He'll eat nutritious high protein. And swallow raw eggs...
|
|
Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs.
|
|
Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
|
|
In just seven days... ["and seven nights", or "maybe six"]
|
|
|
|
Frank & Transylvanians: I can make you a man.
|
|
|
|
Frank: He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.
|
|
["off" "Harder...harder!"]
|
|
He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
|
|
Such strenuous living I just can't understand,
|
|
When in just seven days, oh baby, ...["and seven nights"]
|
|
I can make you a man.
|
|
|
|
["Guess who's coming to dinner?"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Hey Frank, what's the opposite of 'ooh ah'?"]
|
|
Ah...ooh!
|
|
|
|
Columbia: EDDY!
|
|
|
|
HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MY SOUL)
|
|
|
|
Eddy: Whatever happened to Saturday night,
|
|
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?
|
|
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
|
|
Came into my life, I thought I was divine.
|
|
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,
|
|
And listen to the music on the radio;
|
|
A saxophone was blowing on a rock 'n roll show.
|
|
You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time.
|
|
|
|
[replace following with, "John Belushi's dead in a hole because of sex,
|
|
drugs and rock 'n roll."]
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
|
|
My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled.
|
|
My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
|
|
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt
|
|
And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine.
|
|
Get back in front, put some hair oil on
|
|
Buddy Holly was singing his very last song.
|
|
With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along.
|
|
It felt pretty good. Woo You really had a good time.
|
|
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
(... for a total of twelve times)
|
|
|
|
(Frank attacks Eddy with an alpinist's pick)
|
|
["That's no way to pick your friends!" or "Picky, picky, picky"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: One from the vaults. (chuckles) ["A greaser from the freezer...
|
|
Like A Bat out of Hell"]
|
|
|
|
["Give those (rubber gloves) to Magenta; she knows what to do
|
|
with bloody rubbers -- Turn them inside-out and use them as
|
|
teabags"]
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Ugh...
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh baby... Don't be upset... ["I'm not upset, I'm pissed."]
|
|
It was a mercy killing ["Mercy, mercy, mercy"]
|
|
... he had a certain naive charm, ["But what about muscle?"]
|
|
but no muscle ["Show him"] (Rocky flexes a bicep) ...Oh!
|
|
|
|
I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part II)
|
|
|
|
Frank: But a deltoid and a bicep.
|
|
A hot groin and a tricep.
|
|
Makes me, oooh [Echo: "Boogie with a midget"], shake,
|
|
Makes me want to Charles Atlas by the ["Balls"] ...ha-ha-hand.
|
|
|
|
Frank & Transylvanians: In just seven days I can make you a man.
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Step, strut..."]
|
|
I don't want no dissention, just dynamic tension.
|
|
|
|
Janet: ["Sing it, bitch!"]
|
|
I'm a muscle fan.
|
|
|
|
Frank: In just seven days, I can make you a man
|
|
Dig it if you can
|
|
In just seven days, I can make you a man.
|
|
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(Frank and Rocky's WEDDING MARCH)
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Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!
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Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! [throw
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CONFETTI]
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Narrator: ["I say that life is an illusion."]
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There are those that say that life is an illusion ["like
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your neck"], and that reality is but a figment of the imagination
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["So's your fucking neck!"]. If this is so, then Brad and Janet
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are quite safe, ["So's your neck"] ... however, the sudden
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departure of their host...and his ["neck"] creation...into the
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seclusion of his somber bridal suite ["Sweet!"] had left them
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feeling both ["Neckless"] apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling
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which grew ["unlike your neck!"] as the other guests departed, and
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they were shown to their separate rooms.
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(Janet and Brad are shown to their rooms by Riff Raff and Magenta.)
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["Pink is for sluts... watch out for the basin ...
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He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...
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and Blue is for Assholes!... He knows if you've been fucking
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Brad and when you masturbate" "Brad knows about the basin,
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he was here last week"]
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(knock)
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Janet: Uhh! Who is it? Who's there?
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Frank (Brad): ["It's the plumber, I've come to fix the basin"] It's only
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me, Janet.
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Janet: Oh, Brad darling, come in. ["and out, and in, and out"]
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Oh! Brad Oh Brad. Yes, my darling...but what if...
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Frank (Brad): ["Don't worry, I brought a rubber!"]
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It's all right, Janet, everything's going to be alright.
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Janet: ["Don't touch the hair!"]
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Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh...Ah...ahh OHHH! Oh it's you!
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Frank: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice...
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Janet: Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with Brad?
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["Nothing yet, he's saving the best for last"]
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Frank: Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?
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Janet: You tricked...I wouldn't have...I've never..never...
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Frank: Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? ["It isn't
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all Brad, either"] I think you really found it quite pleasurable.
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Janet: Oh, stop...I mean help...Brad Brad!..Oh Brad!! ["Brad's not down
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there...Brad's never been down there!"]
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Frank: Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you
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like...This!
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Janet: Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame...
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["No, Sue's to blame; can't you read the fucking credits?"]
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Oh...I was saving myself... ["For what, a rainy day? Well,
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Janet, it's raining!"]
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Frank: Yes, but I'm sure you're not SPENT yet...
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Janet: Promise you won't tell Brad? ["Slut!"]
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Frank: Cross my heart and hope to die... ["Stick a dildo in my eye"]
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(assorted sexual noises)
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["I'm so glad we had this time together..." - sung
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"Meet Miss Magenta. She uses Mop 'n Glow. Her neighbor Mrs.
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Ralph Hapshatt has been down on her knees for seven hours...but
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she hasn't been mopping!" "Rocky takes it up the ass, doo-dah,
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doo-dah...Servants entrance in the rear, oh, doo-dah day"
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"Twitch that shoulder...thank you"]
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(Riff Raff scares Rocky with a candelabra, ["Have some fire,
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Scarecrow?" or "You light up my life"] Rocky runs away)
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["It's donkey kong junior! Where's the bathroom?!"]
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Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here. It'll destroy us.
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Brad: Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning.
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Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective. ["Don't touch the
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hair!"]
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Brad: Ah, ah, ah, oh YOU!
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Frank: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice...
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Brad: Why YOU! what have you done with Janet? ["Fucked the shit out of
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her"]
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Frank: Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?
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Brad: You tricked me, I wouldn't have...never...never...never...
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["Never never?"]
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Frank: Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? Not even half
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bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it.
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(Brad starts moaning)
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Frank: Oh... so soft...
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Brad: Stop it...stop it...oh Janet...JANET! ["Janet's not there, Janet's
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never been down there!"]
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Frank: Janet's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you like
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THIS?
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Brad: Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, I thought
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it was the real thing!
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Frank: Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? It isn't
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a crime to give yourself over to pleasure, Brad. ["It is in New
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Jersey"] We've wasted so much time already...Janet needn't know,
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I won't tell her...
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Brad: Well, promise you won't tell...
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Frank: On my mother's gra.oouuuuuu..... ["Don't talk with your mouth
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full!"]
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(BEEPBEEPBEEP...)
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Riff Raff: Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished. Your
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new playmate is loose and somewhere on the grounds...Magenta has
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just released ["her sisters"] the dogs...
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Frank: mmmm? coming! ["So's Brad!"]
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Janet: What's happening here? ["Switch!"] Where's Brad? ["Switch!"]
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Where's ANYbody?
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Oh, Brad. Brad, my darling ["Janet, my fish!"], how could I have
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done this to you? Oh!
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["It was easy, but it would have been easier without the
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pantyhose!"]
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If only we hadn't made this journey... ["But you did!"] if only the
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car hadn't broken down... ["but it did!"] if only we were amongst
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friends... ["But you're not!"] Or sane persons ["Two out of
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three ain't bad"], Oh Brad, Oh Brad,["get butch, bitch"] what
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have they done with him...(she sees him on TV with Frank) Oh,
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Brad, Oh Brad-How could you?
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(Rocky emits moans and general cries of pain)
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Janet: ["Leave him alone, he's monsterbating - Aw shit, caught again!"]
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Oh, but you are hurt ["no shit"]...Did they do this to you?
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["No, I did it to myself"] I'll dress your wounds...
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["Hey Janet, make me a 3-piece suit!" "He's got more hurt than
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you've got skirt"] baby there...let me make it all better.
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["Hey Janet - look three ways and smile if you wanna fuck"]
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Narrator: Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...Vehement or excited
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mental state. ["And you can only read about it, shitlips"] It
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is also a powerful and irrational master [echo "mouthwash"]...and
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from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their television
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monitor there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed, ["a
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nymphomaniac"]... its slave.
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Magenta and Columbia: [echo] Tell us about it, Janet.
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TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME
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Janet: I was feeling done in, couldn't win
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I'd only ever kissed before. ["What a crock of shit!"]
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Columbia: You mean she...
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Magenta: Uh huh
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Janet: I thought there's no use getting ["laid"]
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Into heavy petting ["Same thing"]
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It only leads to trouble
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And seat wetting. ["Yay wet seats", or "Hey, this seat's wet!"]
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Now all I want to know is how to go.
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I've tasted blood [Echo: "come"] and I want more.
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Magenta and Columbia: [echo] ["less"] More, ["less"] more,["less"] more
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["less"]
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Janet: I'll put up no resistance
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I want to stay the distance [Echo:"I want to fuck your piston"]
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I've got an itch to scratch
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I need assistance.
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[on 'toucha toucha' etc., run and attempt to touch Janet (on the
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screen)]
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Toucha toucha toucha touch me [Echo: "Fucka-fucka-fuck me"]
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I want to be dirty
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Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me [echo: "Eat me, beat me, mistreat
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me"]
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Creature of the night.
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Then if anything grows ["Suck it!"], while you pose,
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I'll oil you up and rub you down.
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Magenta and Columbia: ["up"] Down, ["up"] down, ["up"] down ["up"].
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Janet: And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction
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You need a friendly hand and I need action.
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Toucha toucha toucha touch me
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I want to be dirty
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Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
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Creature of the night.
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Columbia: Toucha toucha toucha touch me
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Magenta: I want to be dirty.
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Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,
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Magenta: Creature of the night.
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Janet: Toucha toucha toucha touch me I want to be dirty
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Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the night.
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Rocky: Creature of the night
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Brad: Creature of the night?
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Frank: Creature of the night.
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Magenta: Creature of the night.
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Riff Raff: Creature of the night.
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Columbia: Creature of the night.
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Rocky: Creature of the night.
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Janet: Creature of the night.
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Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! ["Say thank you! ...say it in French!"]
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Merrrrrcy! (being whipped by Frank)
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Frank: How did it happen? ["Beats me"] I understood you were to be
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watching...
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Riff Raff: I was only away for a minute...["Doing what?"] master ["bating"]
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Frank: Well, see if you can find him on the monitor.
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Riff Raff: Master, master...we have a visitor.
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Brad: ["What does Captain Kirk say to his chief engineer?"]
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Hey, Scotty! ["Beam us up, this planet sucks!"] ...Dr. Everett
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Scott.
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Riff Raff: You know this earthling ["Whoops!"] ...this person?
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["Watch it, O'Brien, fuck you Curry, I wrote this script!"]
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Brad: Why yes. He happens to be an old friend of mine.
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Frank: ["What's your favorite fruit drink?"]
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I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came here
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with a purpose. [Echo: "...with a porpoise."]
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Brad: I told you, my car broke down. I was telling the truth.
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["Assholes don't lie, thry're just full of shit"]
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Frank: I know what you told me, Brad...but this Dr. Everett Scott, his
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name is not unknown to me.
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Brad: He was a science teacher at Denton High School.
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Frank: ["Let's see his nipple...nip-ple! nip-ple!" ... general cheers]
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And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Brad? he's
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attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call
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UFO's!!! Isn't that right, Brad?
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Brad: He might be...I don't know.
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Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, master.
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Frank: He'll probably be...entering the Zen room. ["Not the Zen Room!"]
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["Look at the roaches in this place -- wish my house had roaches
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like that"] Shall we inquire of him in person?
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["Not the triple-contact electro-magnet!"]
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(pause)
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[When Dr. Scott passes through Columbia and Magenta's room,
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"Ring around the lesbians - fucking tourists!"]
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["Hey Kool-Aid!"]
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Brad: Great Scott! [throw TOILET PAPER]
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Dr. Scott: Frankenfurter, we meet at last. ["No, we meet at first"]
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Brad: Dr. Scott!
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Dr. Scott: Brad! What are you doing here? ["Oh, just fucking around"]
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Frank: Don't play games, Dr. Scott. You know perfectly well what
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Brad Majors is doing here. ["Getting good head"] It was part of
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your plan, was it not? That he and his female should check the
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layout for you ["or lay the checkout"]. Well, unfortunately for
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you all, the plans are to be changed. You must be adaptable, Dr.
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Scott; I know Brad is. {"Aw, you promised you wouldn't tell!"]
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Dr. Scott: I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a complete
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surprise to me ["didn't you read the script?"]. I came here to
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find Eddy.
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Brad: Eddy! I've seen him!
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Frank: Eddy! What do you know of Eddy, Dr. Scott?
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Dr. Scott: ["Get conceited!"]
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I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see
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Eddy happens to be my nephew.
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(Frank gasps)
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Brad: Dr. Scott. ["Mouseketeer roll call sound off now!"]
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Janet: Ah! ["You blew it, bitch!"]
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[echo three rounds of 'Janet... etc.' add "Uh" for Rocky]
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Dr. Scott: Janet!
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Janet: Dr. Scott!
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Brad: Janet!
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Janet: Brad!
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Frank: Rocky!
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(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt)
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Dr. Scott: Janet!
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Janet: Dr. Scott!
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Brad: Janet!
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Janet: Brad!
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Frank: Rocky!
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(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt)
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Dr. Scott: Janet!
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Janet: Dr. Scott!
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Brad: Janet!
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Janet: Brad!
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Frank: Rocky!
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(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt)
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["All present and accounted for, SIR!"]
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Frank: Listen...I made you...and I can break you just as easily.
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(to Rocky)
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Magenta: (GONG) Master, dinner is prepared! ["and WE helped! (hay-ulped)"]
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Frank: ["What do you think of oral sex?"]
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Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be
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optional. ["To-ga, to-ga..."]
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Narrator: Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals.
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The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and
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now... this meal. However informal it might appear, you can be
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sure that there was to be little, bonhommie.
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["Why does Dr. Scott have seven forks? ... If that's the Hostess, I
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hate to see the Twinkie!"]
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(Dinner is served, the clatter of dishes is heard, the electric
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slicer is used to slice up the meat (by Frank)) ["Meat Loaf
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again!?" "It slices, it dices, it circumcises and makes Julienne
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fries, whatever the fuck they are. Transvestites start your
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engines! ... All sliced up and no place to go - woo!"]
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Frank: A toast [throw TOAST] ...to absent friends...
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All: To absent friends.
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Frank: and to Rocky.
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(Frank starts a verse of stacatto 'Happy Birthday Rocky' and
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cuts it off after 'Dear Rocky' [- the audience sings along])
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Shall we?
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["Hey Riff, deal me a slice. ... He really knows how to fling his
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meat!"]
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Dr. Scott: We came here to discuss Eddy.
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Columbia: Eddy. (Frank threatens her with the slicer)
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Frank: That's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone? ["Inside
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joke"]
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["Janet gets it...Brad gets it...Dr. Scott gets it...Rocky
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gets it, but he doesn't care."]
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Columbia: Excuse me (Scream on exit) ["What's the matter? You ate him
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before - you can eat him again!" "Yeah, but she didn't swallow last
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time!"]
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Dr. Scott: I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I
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imagined...Aliens!
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["Who the fuck are you talking to? Who the fuck are we talking
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to?"]
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Rocky: Ugh?
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Brad: Doctor Scott!
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Frank: Go on, Dr. Scott. Or should I say Dr. Von Scott.
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Brad: Just what exactly are you implying? ["He's a Nazi!"]
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Dr. Scott: It's all right!
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Brad: Doctor Scott!
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Scott: It's all right, Brad.
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EDDY
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["How long was he gay?"]
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From the day he was born ["Not the night but the day"]
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He was trouble. ["Not Monopoly but Trouble"]
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He was the thorn ["Not the rose but the thorn"]
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In his mother's side. ["Not the back, but the side"]
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She tried in vain... ["Not the artery but the vein"]
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Narrator: ...but he never caused her nothing but shame. ["shame, shame,
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shame..."]
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Scott: He left home the day she died.
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["Hit it!", or "Rockin' Scott!"]
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From the day she was gone ["Bop shebop bop"]
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All he wanted ["Was Dr. Scott's cock"]
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Was Rock 'n' Roll porn ["and Dr. Scott's cock" "It's a naked
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record!"]
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And a motorbike. ["Whoooooo..."]
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Shooting up junk... ["What was he?"]
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Narrator: He was a low down cheap little punk! ["Yay punk!"]
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Scott: Taking everyone for a ride.
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All: When Eddy said he didn't like his Teddy
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You knew he was a no-good kid.
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But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife
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Frank: What a guy!
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Janet: Makes you cry.
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Scott: Und I did.
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Columbia: Everybody shoved him.
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I very nearly loved him.
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I said, hey, listen to me;
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Stay sane inside insanity!
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But he locked the door and threw away the key.
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Scott: But he must have been drawn ["Not colored but drawn"]
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Into something, ["What the fuck's a zum-zing?"]
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Making him warn ["Who??"]
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Me in a note that reads...
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All: [echo] What's it say? What's it say?
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Eddy's voice: I'm out of my hed. ["spelled H - E - D"]
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Oh, hurry, or I may be dead. ["spelled right"]
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They mustn't carry out their evil deed. ["Scream!"] (scream)
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All: When Eddy said he didn't like his Teddy
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You knew he was a no-good kid.
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But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife
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Frank: What a guy!
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Janet: Makes you cry.
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Scott: Und I did.
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All: When Eddy said he didn't like his Teddy
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You knew he was a no-good kid.
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But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife
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[Echo: "...with a ball-point pen"]
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Frank: What a guy! ["What does Santa say?"]
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All: Oh-oh-oh...
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Janet: Makes you cry. ["What does Fat Albert say?"]
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All: Hey, hey, hey...
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Scott: Und I did.
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["I fuckin' HATE celery!"]
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(All scream)
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["Hey Frank, let's play 'Slap the Slut' -- you go first"]
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Frank: Rocky! How could you? (slaps Janet)
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(general mayhem as Frank chases Janet. Riff and Magenta laugh,
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until Riff suddenly says "Shut up!" [which the audience echoes])
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WISE UP
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I'll tell you once; I won't tell you twice.
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You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
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Your apple pie don't taste too nice.
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You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
|
|
|
|
I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.
|
|
You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.
|
|
When we made it, didja hear a bell ring? [ring BELL]
|
|
|
|
Ya gotta block? Well, take my advice.
|
|
You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
|
|
The transducer will seduce ya.
|
|
|
|
Janet: My feet! I can't move my feet!
|
|
|
|
Scott: My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels! [Echo: "My God, I can't
|
|
feel my face!"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: ["My socks!"] It's as if we're glued to the spot!
|
|
|
|
Frank: You are! ["Nyah-nah nah nah nah"] So quake with fear, you tiny
|
|
fools!
|
|
|
|
Janet: We're trapped!
|
|
|
|
Frank: (sung) It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck
|
|
can be nice.
|
|
|
|
Scott: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.
|
|
This sonic transducer...it is, I suppose, some kind of
|
|
audio-vibratory, physio-molecular transport device?
|
|
|
|
Brad: [echo] You mean... ["A vibrator!"]
|
|
|
|
Scott: Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on
|
|
for quite some time ["a working vibrator"]. But it seems our
|
|
friend here has found a means of perfecting it ["the perfect
|
|
vibrator"]. A device capable of breaking down solid matter and
|
|
then projecting it through space and, who knows, perhaps even
|
|
time itself.
|
|
|
|
Janet: You mean he's going to send us to another planet?
|
|
|
|
Frank: [echo] Planet, shmanet, Janet!
|
|
You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
|
|
You better wise up, build your thighs up,
|
|
You better wise up
|
|
|
|
Narrator: And then she cried out...
|
|
|
|
Janet: Stop! [Echo: "More!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Don't get hot and flustered!
|
|
Use a bit of mustard.
|
|
|
|
[throw HOTDOGS on 'you're a hotdog!' (optional)]
|
|
|
|
Brad: You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her, ["Oscar
|
|
Meyer"] Frank Furter.
|
|
|
|
(Freeze - Brad)
|
|
|
|
Scott: You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her,
|
|
["Hebrew National"] Frank Furter.
|
|
|
|
(Freeze - Scott)
|
|
|
|
Janet: You're a hot dog --
|
|
|
|
(Freeze - Janet) ["Shut up, bitch, it wouldn't have rhymed anyway"]
|
|
|
|
["Who's Tim Curry?"]
|
|
Columbia: My God! ["Mine too!"] I can't stand any more of this!
|
|
["So sit down"] First you spurn me for Eddy, and then you
|
|
throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky! You chew people
|
|
up and then you spit them out again... ["He's on a diet"] I
|
|
loved you ["What did you say?"]..d'ya hear me! I loved you!
|
|
And what did it get me? ["A hole in your shirt!"] Yeah, I'll
|
|
tell you - a big nothing. ["At least it was big!"] You're
|
|
like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their
|
|
love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've had enough! ["Peek-a-boo!"]
|
|
You're gonna choose between me and Rocky, so named because of the
|
|
rocks in his head. ["Nobody flashes their tit at me and
|
|
gets away with it!"](freeze) ["Lopsided!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: It's not easy having a good time... (freeze Rocky) ["try Disney
|
|
World"] ...even smiling makes my face ache ["so, bite your
|
|
knuckles!"]...and my children turn on me ["Mommie dearest"]...
|
|
Rocky's behaving just the way Eddy did. ["Show us your ear!" ...
|
|
"Ear-gasm!"] Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain
|
|
between the two of them? ["That could be it"]
|
|
|
|
Magenta: Ahhhh! I grow weary of this world! When shall we return
|
|
to Transylvania, huh? ["When you can say your W's, bitch!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother
|
|
Riff Raff. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours
|
|
shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood
|
|
takes me, I can be quite generous.
|
|
|
|
Magenta: I ask for nothing ["under 12 inches"]...nothing.
|
|
|
|
Frank: And you shall receive it...in abundance! ["What tastes good on
|
|
corn flakes?"] Come, we are ready for the floor show.
|
|
["Look out for the finger; if you touch it, it's statutory rape!"]
|
|
|
|
["Hey, where are Magenta's eyeballs?"]
|
|
|
|
Narrator: And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed,
|
|
had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with
|
|
their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to be in a situation
|
|
which none of them would have possibly forseen. And, just a few
|
|
hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both
|
|
tasted ["Frank's cock"] ...forbidden fruit.["same thing"]
|
|
This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little
|
|
morals ["yay, little morals!"]...and some persuasion.
|
|
["Yay, some persuasion"] What further indignities were they to be
|
|
subjected to? And what of the floor show that is spoken of?
|
|
["Yay floor show" ... "Where do you masturbate?"] In an empty
|
|
house? ["When do you masturbate?"] In the middle of the night?
|
|
["Rates are cheaper"] What diabolical plan had seized Frank's
|
|
crazed imagination? What indeed? From what had gone before, it
|
|
was clear that this was to be... ["Can we have a picnic?"] no
|
|
picnic. ["Aw shit, and I brought the ants!"]
|
|
|
|
ROSE TINT MY WORLD
|
|
|
|
A. FLOOR SHOW
|
|
|
|
(Frank is running around making preparations while the others are
|
|
frozen on the stage. Unfreeze - Columbia)
|
|
|
|
Columbia: It was great when it all began. ["Hip, hip"]
|
|
I was a regular Frankie fan.
|
|
But it was over when he had the plan
|
|
To start a-working on a muscle man.
|
|
Now the only thing that gives me hope ["is smoking dope"]
|
|
Is my love of a certain dope.
|
|
Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
|
|
|
|
(Unfreeze - Rocky)
|
|
|
|
Rocky: I'm just seven hours old, ["and can't dance"]
|
|
And truly beautiful to behold.
|
|
And somebody should be told
|
|
My libido hasn't been controlled.
|
|
Now the only thing I've come to trust ["Is Janet's bust"]
|
|
Is an orgasmic rush of lust. ["Yay lust"]
|
|
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
|
|
|
|
(Unfreeze - Brad)
|
|
|
|
Brad: ["What's two plus two?"]
|
|
It's beyond me; ["What do you say when you masturbate?"]
|
|
help me Mommy!
|
|
I'll be good; you'll see.
|
|
Take this dream away.
|
|
What's this? ["The floor!"] Let's see,
|
|
I feel sexy!
|
|
What's come over me? ["Frank"]
|
|
Wo! Here it comes again.
|
|
|
|
(unfreeze - Janet)
|
|
|
|
Janet: I feel released ["real cheap"]; bad times deceased.
|
|
My confidence has increased; reality is here.
|
|
The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded.
|
|
It's a gas that Frankie's landed!
|
|
His lust is so sincere.
|
|
|
|
B. FANFARE/DON'T DREAM IT
|
|
|
|
Frank: Whatever happened to Fay Wray? ["She went ape-shit!"]
|
|
That delicate, satin-draped frame? ["Describe the abortion!"]
|
|
As it clung to her thigh ["What? the ape-shit or the abortion?"]
|
|
How I started to cry ["I'd cry too if I had abortion on my thigh!"]
|
|
'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.
|
|
|
|
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.
|
|
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.
|
|
Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure
|
|
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
|
|
Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh.
|
|
|
|
Don't dream it, be it. (four times)
|
|
["Waiter, there's a faggot in my soup - shut up, everybody'll want
|
|
one" ... "Look, it's a fruit-filled life-saver" ... "Frank's having
|
|
a wet dream" ... "Look, it's the S.S. Titanic; no wonder it sunk -
|
|
there were faggots on board - faggots'll go down on anything!"
|
|
"He even swims with a lisp!"]
|
|
|
|
["Last one in the pool is a heterosexual!"]
|
|
All: Don't dream it, be it. (twelve times)
|
|
|
|
(Unfreeze - Scott. In on sixth time) ["Who did that!"]
|
|
|
|
Scott: Ach! ["Choo! Bless you!"] We've got to get ["the fuck"] out of
|
|
this trap before this decadence ["Yay, decadence!"] saps our wills.
|
|
I've got to be strong, and try to hang on, or else ["my face will
|
|
shake"] my mind ["and my shoe"] may well snap ["crackle! pop!"]
|
|
and my life will be lived...["Hey, America, show us your
|
|
underalls!"] for the thrills!
|
|
|
|
Brad: It's beyond me; help me Mommy!
|
|
|
|
Janet: God bless Lilly St. Cyr.
|
|
|
|
C. WILD AND UNTAMED THING
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Hey Frank, whose pool is this, thirteen times?"]
|
|
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!
|
|
I'm a wild and an untamed thing.
|
|
I'm a bee with a deadly sting.
|
|
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
|
|
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
|
|
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
|
|
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
|
|
Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
|
|
|
|
All: We're a wild and an untamed thing.
|
|
We're bees with a deadly sting.
|
|
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
|
|
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
|
|
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
|
|
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
|
|
Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
|
|
(two times)
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, it's all over.
|
|
Your mission is a failure;
|
|
Your lifestyle's too extreme.
|
|
I'm your new commander;
|
|
You now are my prisoner.
|
|
We return to Transylvania.
|
|
Prepare the transit beam.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Wait! ["What did you say when your mother caught you
|
|
butt-fucking the dog?"] I can explain! ["I thought it was my
|
|
sister."]
|
|
|
|
(Frank gives instructions to Columbia and Rocky) ["You get the
|
|
lights...you get the other shit...God, I hope this works."]
|
|
|
|
I'M GOING HOME
|
|
|
|
["Ladies and gentlemen, for one night, and one night only, Judy
|
|
Garland with Alfalfa's shadow!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: On the day I went away...
|
|
|
|
All: Goodbye...
|
|
|
|
Frank: Was all I had to say...
|
|
|
|
All: Now I...
|
|
|
|
Frank: I want to come again ["So does Brad"], and stay. ["hard"]
|
|
|
|
All: Oh, my, my...
|
|
|
|
Frank: Smile, and that will mean I may.
|
|
'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
|
|
Through the tears in my eyes
|
|
And I realize, I'm going home. [Echo: "I'm fucking stoned"]
|
|
|
|
All: I'm going home.
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Where do you fuck?"]
|
|
Everywhere ["how's it been?"] it's been the same...
|
|
|
|
All: ...feeling...
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["What's a golden shower feel like?"]
|
|
...like I'm outside in the rain...
|
|
|
|
All: ...wheeling...
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["How much is a blowjob?"]
|
|
...free to try and find a game...
|
|
|
|
All: ...dealing...
|
|
|
|
Frank: ...cards for sorrow, cards for pain. [throw CARDS]
|
|
'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
|
|
Through the tears in my eyes
|
|
And I realize, I'm going home.
|
|
|
|
Frank & All: I'm going home. (3 times)
|
|
|
|
(applause) ["Total eclipse of a transvestite", ad libs
|
|
about audience...]
|
|
|
|
Magenta: How sentimental. ["You bitch!"]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said WE were
|
|
to return to Transylvania, I referred only to Magenta and myself.
|
|
I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but ["F"]
|
|
you see ["K"], you are to remain here, in spirit, anyway.
|
|
|
|
Scott: Great heavens! That's a laser!
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Yes, Dr. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure
|
|
anti-matter. ["Does that mean it doesn't matter?"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: You mean...you're going to kill him? What's his crime?
|
|
|
|
Scott: You saw what became of Eddy. Society must be protected.
|
|
["Fuck society!" "Society's already fucked!"]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Exactly, Dr. Scott. And now, Frank N Furter, your time has
|
|
come. Say goodbye to all of this, ["Goodbye, all of this"] and
|
|
hello ["Hello"] to oblivion. ["Hi, oblivion, how's the wife
|
|
and kids?"]
|
|
|
|
["A blink of the eye, a twitch of the lips,
|
|
First one to scream gets it in the tits!"]
|
|
(Columbia screams - gets zapped)
|
|
(Frank screams - gets zapped)
|
|
|
|
["Rope, please!" ... "Thank you!" ... "He's not dead yet ... he's
|
|
dead now" - when Rocky falls on him... "Hey, there's a
|
|
chorus under that curtain"
|
|
"Chest of steel...shoulder of steel...back of steel...
|
|
transvestite of steel"]
|
|
(Rocky moans over Frank's body - gets zap, zap, zap, zapped - falls
|
|
to his death) ["Tower of plastic"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh! You killed them!
|
|
|
|
Magenta: But I thought you liked them. They liked you.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: ["Get paranoid!"] They didn't like me! ["Get real paranoid!"]
|
|
He never liked ME!
|
|
|
|
Scott: You did right. ["Brownnoser, is that a shitstain or a moustache?"
|
|
Shoot the cripple, they get all the best parking spaces"]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: A decision had to be made. ["And I made it"]
|
|
|
|
Scott: You're O.K. by me. ["Nanu, nanu...shazbot!"]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Dr. Scott, I'm sorry about your... ["dinner"]... nephew. ["Same
|
|
thing"]
|
|
|
|
Scott: Eddy? ["No, Penelope!"]
|
|
Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh.
|
|
["He was delicios"]
|
|
|
|
Riff: You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible.
|
|
We are about to beam the entire house to the planet of Transexual,
|
|
in the galaxy of Transylvania ["in the state of New Jersey, just
|
|
ten minutes from the George Washington Bridge"]. Go...
|
|
Now. ["Does this mean we can't use the phone?"]
|
|
|
|
Our mission is completed, my most ["Ugly Q-Tip"] beautiful
|
|
sister ["If that's the beautiful one, I hate to see the ugly
|
|
one"], and soon we shall return to the moon-drenched shores of
|
|
["Gitchy-goomy!"] our beloved planet ["Where the women look like
|
|
cupcakes and the men have bananas on their heads"]
|
|
|
|
Magenta: Sweet Transexual, land of night ["And high electric bills"]...
|
|
To sing and dance once more in your dark embrace...to take that
|
|
step to the right...
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: But it's the pelvic thrust...
|
|
|
|
All (flashback): That really drives you insay-ya-yaaaane...
|
|
|
|
Magenta: In our world, we'll do the Time Warp again!
|
|
|
|
SUPER HEROES
|
|
|
|
Brad: I've done a lot; God knows I've tried
|
|
To find the truth. I've even lied.
|
|
But all I know is down inside
|
|
|
|
All: I'm bleeding...
|
|
|
|
Janet: And super heroes come to the feast
|
|
To taste the flesh not yet deceased.
|
|
And all I know is still the beast
|
|
|
|
All: Is feeding...
|
|
Ahh, ahh... (etc.)
|
|
|
|
["Stop the world, I want to get off!"]
|
|
|
|
Narrator: And crawling ["where?"] on the planet's face ["What did you
|
|
have for breakfast?"]
|
|
Some insects ["what're they called?"] called the human race...
|
|
["Where's your fucking neck?"]
|
|
Lost in time
|
|
["What's your favorite TV show?"] And lost in space
|
|
["What does this movie lack?"]
|
|
And meaning. ["Sing it, it's important"]
|
|
|
|
All: Meaning.
|
|
|
|
["You forgot to turn off the globe!"]
|
|
|
|
(in the film, the reprise of Science Fiction/Double Feature is
|
|
replaced by a reprise of Time Warp, during the closing credits.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
(SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE - REPRISE
|
|
|
|
|
|
Usherette: Science Fiction
|
|
Double Feature.
|
|
Frank has built and
|
|
Lost his creature.
|
|
Darkness has conquered
|
|
Brad and Janet.
|
|
The servants gone to
|
|
A distant planet.
|
|
Wo, oh, oh, oh.
|
|
At the late night, double feature,
|
|
Picture show.
|
|
I want to go, oh, oh, oh.
|
|
To the late night, double feature,
|
|
Picture show.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
/tmp/charlwoo% f Raff: And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said W |