248 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
248 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
|
||
Whatever Ramblings beer reviews -- * = Reviewers Choice!
|
||
-------------------------------
|
||
Email: (swain@enigma.rider.edu)
|
||
|
||
|
||
** NOTE: Due to the substantial amount of beers in this world, we
|
||
scrapped this idea to avoid ridiculous printing costs and because
|
||
we have better things to write about. This is only available as an
|
||
Ezine version.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Would you believe, more beer reviews? Ahh, why not? This time
|
||
around we're ignoring categories and placing all beer products in
|
||
one big section. The puking factor is based upon the chances of
|
||
comiting after drinking approximately 72 ounces of beer (a six
|
||
pack). 1= Non-Existent whereas 10 or above means you'll be staring
|
||
at porcelain all night. Any PF listen above 10 translates to
|
||
personal hate for the beer.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Board of taste-testers:
|
||
|
||
Marcel, Alex, Mike, and other malcontents.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Mickey's (Big Mouth's) The wasp on the bottle says it all.
|
||
Stupidly hip now thanks to the contrived House of Pain. If you
|
||
turn your nose up to Crazy Horse and St. Ides and aver red rap,
|
||
this is for you. Comes in a 6 pack of cute little bottles, too.
|
||
So you won't tire your stick arm! PUKING FACTOR: 5 - MP (note:
|
||
they have twist-off caps too!)
|
||
|
||
Cocqui 900 The devil brew immortalized by Skooly D years ago.
|
||
"...The ultimate homeboy's drink" I can't begin to tell you how
|
||
strong this stuff really is. Damned in Philly because it was above
|
||
the allowable capacity of alcohol content. I bought some in
|
||
Brooklyn a few weeks ago -- $1.19 a 40! - MP
|
||
|
||
Sam Adams Winter Lager Hooray for winter beer! This means
|
||
stronger and more potent alcohol for you enthusiasts! This is
|
||
simply a stronger version of regular Sam Adams. It should keep you
|
||
nice and warm during the cold months. PUKING FACTOR: 4 - AS
|
||
|
||
Molson Export Ale A nice tasting thin ale that is easily
|
||
poundable, and not quite as easy to puke up. For the most part,
|
||
most Molson tastes the same. PUKING FACTOR: 2 - AS
|
||
|
||
American Beer Oh my god! Beer worse than Budweiser?
|
||
Definitely so. Avoid this, oh god, please avoid this. (note:
|
||
roughtly $6.00 a case if that means anything). PUKING FACTOR: 70
|
||
- AS
|
||
|
||
Red White and Blue God, this is horrible. I remember my
|
||
freshman year I would buy this for $1.29 a six. Has a taste that
|
||
can only be described as instantly head-ache inducing. Once you
|
||
get past the taste, the headache really begins. PUKING FACTOR: 80
|
||
- MP
|
||
|
||
Lord Chesterfield/Old Germany Both of these are made by
|
||
Yuengling, which is hard to believe w/ the other super delicious
|
||
brews in their library. Oh well....It's hard to fault it at $6 a
|
||
case. I lumped them together because they are both the same damn
|
||
thing. Nasty, very nasty, although Lord Chessie is maybe a little
|
||
less so. This stuff can only be found in the Philly/Pittsburgh
|
||
area. Check it out. PUKING FACTOR: 7 - MP
|
||
|
||
Ballantines Ale This is probably my most favorite brew in the
|
||
whole world. Very cheap ($1.50/quart) and damn tasty. Has a kind
|
||
of skanky taste. I read Michael Jacksons World Guide to Beer and
|
||
he said it is one of the GREAT cheap beers of the world. This
|
||
fellow should know, he travels the world sampling brew. Wish I had
|
||
his job. But to get back to Ballantines Triple X brew, this guy
|
||
said it has a rosy, fruity aftertaste. What a flake! - MP
|
||
|
||
|
||
ASAHI Super Dry All these Japanese beers have the most unique
|
||
taste. I don't know what they do when they brew this, but it's not
|
||
that bad. However, this unique taste could possibly be confused
|
||
with mold, which may distract some. But hey, you'll never know
|
||
till you try. PUKING FACTOR: 5 - AS
|
||
|
||
Samuel Smith's WINTER WELCOME Of all the winter beers, even Sam
|
||
Adams' Winter Lager, I'd have to say this beer ranks among the top
|
||
3 (out of maybe 10 Winter beers I've had). Sam Smith beer is
|
||
usually strong; thick; and way filling, but this traditional ale is
|
||
dark but easy to drink, and will knock you to the ground after 3
|
||
bottles (each bottle is 18.7 oz). Rules to live by: #1 English ale
|
||
is the best ale made, #2 NO LIME JUICE! #3 English ale is
|
||
expensive. Expect to pay $3.50 for a bottle of this, and drink it
|
||
warm the first time around. PUKING FACTOR: 8 - AS
|
||
|
||
Bohemia BEER This is an extremely delicious beer from Mexico
|
||
which I just found out about. Generally I hate Mexican beers with
|
||
their watered down pungent taste (Dos Equis? Yuck) but then comes
|
||
along a true contender for my belly. This is a completely no-
|
||
frills beer with a high-quality taste. A 6-pack will run you about
|
||
$6.25 and that should make you happy and warm on these cold winter
|
||
nights. PUKING FACTOR: 4 - AS
|
||
|
||
Pinkus Weizen Wheat Good mild tasting beer, toasted wheat taste.
|
||
|
||
Good hop balance and very grainy tasting. This is truly an
|
||
extremely mild beer compared to others reviewed here. PUKING
|
||
FACTOR: 5 - MR/AS
|
||
|
||
Labatts 50 Ale Very fumey. The fumes hit you hard. Not very
|
||
good at all, like most Canadian beers, it tastes very watery.
|
||
PUKING FACTOR: 3 - MR
|
||
|
||
Labatts Blue Pretty good basic drinking beer although it's watery
|
||
like most other Canadians. Tolerable, but weak tasting; nothing
|
||
exciting. PUKING FACTOR: 3 - MR
|
||
|
||
Watney's Red Barrel Good english beer, nice malty taste. Good
|
||
hops in the background. Not too heavy, goes well with most food,
|
||
especially potato chips. PUKING FACTOR: 4 - MR
|
||
|
||
Chihuaha Most light Mexican beers taste the same as Corona, the
|
||
only thing that makes chihuaha unique is that it's a bit nastier
|
||
and more of a puking factor than Corona. PUKING FACTOR: 7 - MR
|
||
|
||
Fuller's ESB Stands for Extra Special Bitters. Excellent
|
||
bitters. Hits your head very quick but that's okay because it
|
||
tastes great. Very malty, a little bit on the thick side, but in
|
||
a nice way. PUKING FACTOR: 2 - MR
|
||
|
||
Orangeboom Lager Totally lame beer. An over-advertised beer
|
||
from Germany. Totally nasty, not very tolerable. PUKING FACTOR:
|
||
12- MR
|
||
|
||
|
||
Elephant Malt Liquor Wow, Malt liquor for $6.25 a six? You
|
||
gotta be crazy. But hey, if you love that malty taste and want
|
||
something your something won't get rid of, this is for you. And
|
||
man, you won't BELIEVE how quick this fucks you up. (a 6-pack
|
||
makes a fat man tipsy). PUKING FACTOR: 7 - AS
|
||
|
||
Ringnes Ale This norweigen ale is pretty good so far (I'm
|
||
drinking it as I write). It tastes remarkably yummy at first, and
|
||
suddenly starts tasting like those moth discs at the bottom of
|
||
men's urinals. I mean, hey, it's not that bad, and because it was
|
||
intentional I guess that's pretty punk, eh? A sixer is gonna kill
|
||
you. PUKING FACTOR: 9 - AS
|
||
|
||
Union Premium Yugoslavia beer. Great stuff, cheaper than
|
||
Budweiser with a Heinekenesque taste. PUKING FACTOR: 3 - MR
|
||
|
||
Gilde Pilsner Excellent cheap German beer. But it's kind of
|
||
fucked up the way that the picture on the side of the cardboard
|
||
six-pack carrier pictures people pouring Bitburger into a glass
|
||
rather than Gilde Pilsner. PUKING FACTOR: 6 - MR
|
||
|
||
McEwans Scotch Ale Awesome beer but fattening as hell, and
|
||
expensive too. It'll get you hooked at the first sip, and before
|
||
you know it, you'll weigh 400 punds and be offering the liquor
|
||
store owner head for just one more six pack. PUKING FACTOR: 4 - MR
|
||
|
||
Ringnes Export Tastes just like the ale, yet milder (so it
|
||
doesn't taste as much like Burger King urinals than the former).
|
||
It's pretty good, but it again sometime, eh? - PUKING FACTOR: 6 -
|
||
AS/MR
|
||
|
||
Anchor Liberty Ale Man this shit is delicious, I mean yummy. It
|
||
does take a while to get used to. I has this certain taste that no
|
||
other beer really has. So, grab a bottle (or on tap in San
|
||
Francisco) but be prepared to pay $8.25 a six (at least in the east
|
||
coast). PUKING FACTOR : 5 - AS
|
||
|
||
Troika russian beer A salty aftertaste that stays on your tongue,
|
||
not too pleasant. Thin in texture, basically crappy beer. PUKING
|
||
FACTOR: N/A (can't get more than two in your system) - MO
|
||
|
||
Red Seal Ale Reddish brown in color, good hop flavor, and very
|
||
bubbly. Definitely a delicious beer with a cool label. From
|
||
Mendocino, California, check this out if you can find it. PUKING
|
||
FACTOR: N/A (comes in 22 oz bottles) - MO/AS (*Editor's Choice*)
|
||
|
||
John Courage Compares well to other beers but I still stand on
|
||
the philosophy that English cannot make lagers but their ales are
|
||
the best in the world. Pretty grainy taste, etc, etc, blah blah
|
||
blah. PUKING FACTOR: 5 - MR
|
||
|
||
Double Diamond Same as John Courage but maltier. (See above)
|
||
|
||
Sam Adams Cream Stout This is some tasty brew. I highly
|
||
recommend this, especially with a dish of pasta. PUKING FACTOR: 4
|
||
- AS
|
||
|
||
Sam Adams Triple Bock This is actually a barleywine, which if
|
||
you know anything means that its got a super high alcohol content
|
||
and is meant for sipping only. I can't say its great, but it
|
||
definitely has its moments. It comes in a rad purple bottle and
|
||
costs about four bucks. Not for the timid. PUKING FACTOR: TOO
|
||
HIGH - AS
|
||
|
||
|
||
BEERS TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS:
|
||
(all reviews done collaboratively)
|
||
|
||
|
||
Keystone (light, dry and any other shit) This shit sucks.
|
||
|
||
Old Milwaukee Garbage beer but not as shitty as Keystone
|
||
|
||
Meister Brau On level with Keystone (weak as hell)
|
||
|
||
Molson Light Better off drinking water with a drop of alcohol
|
||
|
||
Alpha Cheap German beer with even a cheaper taste.
|
||
|
||
King Cobra Generic malt liquor. Makes barf or flem look
|
||
appetizing.
|
||
|
||
GPC Beer Goddamn, I'd rather take bad acid.
|
||
|
||
Natural Light Even the Baron De Sade wouldn't wish it on the worst
|
||
of his enemies
|
||
|
||
Piels Even wino's flatly refuse it.
|
||
|
||
Mad dog 20/20 It used to be beer, but it was so bad that they
|
||
decided to add some artificial flavouring and sulfites.
|
||
|
||
Killian's Irish Red It's okay at first but it turns nasty REAL
|
||
fast. Even Dave (shakes the clown) won't touch it.
|
||
|
||
Golden Anniversary Otherwise known as Golden Spewaversary. Will
|
||
send your taste buds crying in revolt.
|
||
|
||
Cisco What a great story behind this. This isn't so much beer as
|
||
its a liquer. This used to be available in Oakland as 22 ounce
|
||
bottles. We're talking 22.5% by volume. This stuff was killing
|
||
all the drunks so they now only sell it in 12 oz bottles. But
|
||
still, they're dying anyway. This is the creme de la creme of all
|
||
swill alcohols. 'Nuff said.
|
||
|
||
* NOTE: Upon moving to Berkeley I discovered breweries that had 27
|
||
beers on tap, sometimes 40. I drank them all but would risk
|
||
carpale-tunnel syndrome if I reviewed them all. For more reviews
|
||
search Usenet and/or Veronica for the keyword "microbrew".
|
||
|
||
--END--
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|