155 lines
8.1 KiB
Plaintext
155 lines
8.1 KiB
Plaintext
[[[[[ Abraxas ]] [[[]]]] [[[[[ ]]]]] [[[[[]]]]] [[[[[]]]]]
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[[ [[ ]] [ [ ] ] [[[ ]]] [] [[ [] ]]
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[[ [[ ]] [ [ # ] ] [[ [[]] ]] [] []
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[[ ]] [ [ 2 ] ] [[ [] ]] [] []
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[[ ]] [ [ ] ] [[ ]] [] []
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[] [[[[]]] [[[[ ]]]] [[[[[]]]]] []
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(And they said we wouldn't last!)
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==============================================================================
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Quest of the |<-R4Ds
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(No character list 'cause I dunno what the hell I'm gonna do yet.)
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(Scene 1 opens upon a dark-skinned Indian fat computer nerd typing away at his
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keyboard. He's dressed in a yellow T-shirt that says "Odyssey Computers", and
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blue swimming trunks that barely conceal his chubby thighs. His name is Danish
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Achmed. His handle is "Spider". He's on a bbs talking to a fellow |<-RaD D00d)
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Spider(typing): PhreE Da WaREz!
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Warezman (The kid Spider is talking to): How's the scene, Spider?
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Spider: It's LAME! Too many lamers are wrecking da scene for us l33t d00dz.
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My l33t group (Couriers of Warez, COW for short) hasn't had a decent
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warez upload in months. I dunno what I'm gonna do. I need to get some
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awesome warez to get my group number one again.
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Warezman: Oh, well there's this rumor that...umm..forget it.
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Spider: What?! What rumor? Tell me!
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Warezman: I shouldn't. I promised.
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Spider: Tell me or I'll blacklist your ass, lamer!
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Warezman: No! Don't blacklist me! I'll talk! OK, I heard from L33t-man on
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Queer-Garden BBS that a top-secret plane carrying pre-release
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versions of Windows '98 crashed in the woods near your town, but no
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one can find where it crashed! If you could find that plane, you
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would get the most recent warez on the planet!
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Spider: Quit joshin' me, lamer!
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Warezman: No! I swear to the |<-rAd gods! Ask someone in your l33t group. I'm
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sure that they heard about it!
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Spider: If what you say is true, and I could find that plane, I'd have the
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best warez, and my group would rool the scene again!
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Warezman: Yeah!
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Spider: Do they have any idea where it crashed?
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Warezman: They just said somewhere deep in the woods of your town. The news
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isn't reporting it 'cause Microsoft threatened to sue if they did.
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Spider: I'll call my l33t WaR3z group members right away! We're going on a
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hike! We're Phreein' da' best warez!
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Warezman: Good Luck
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NO CARRIER
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(Spider gets out of his well-worn chair. He's so excited his fat rolls are
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jiggling in excitement. He goes over to his phone, and calls one of his l33t
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group members. (Calls him voice?! What kind of l33t d00d does that?!) The
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first number he dials is busy.)
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Spider: Probably phreeing some warez! (Spider then dials another group member.
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Once again, it is busy.) Holy text files, the scene must be active today! I'll
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just have to call his parents' line! (Spider's short pudgy fingers dial
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another number)
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Woman's voice from phone: Hello?
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Spider: I need to talk to Night Hawk! Now!
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Woman: Huh?
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Spider: Quick, get Night Hawk! He's on his 'puter!
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Woman: Oh, you mean Billy.
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Spider: Shhhh!!! Don't ever use a l33t d00dz real name!
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Woman: Whatever. You have such cute little code names on that computer thing.
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Spider: Ma'am, if you were uploading warez, they'd be from a week ago! You're
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so slow! Get Night Hawk, or I'll wreck you on da' scene!
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Woman: (Chuckling) OK, hold on. Billllllly! Billlllly!
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Billy's voice (Distant): What?!
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Woman: Danish is on the phone!
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Spider: No real names! I'd TOS you if I was talking to you on AOL!
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(Billy <Night Hawk> picks up the phone.)
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Night Hawk: How's the scene, Spider?!
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Spider: No time for warez chatter! I got important info that could make COW
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the best |<-RaD group again!
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Night Hawk: Really? What?!
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Spider: (He tells him the story of the crashed plane carrying warez. I'm just
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too lazy to type it again.) So, what do you say all the COWs get
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together and find this plane?
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Night Hawk: Sounds like a great plan to me! I'll go call the other COWs.
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Spider: Ok! Free da warez!
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Night Hawk: Free da warez! (They both hang up.)
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(Spider can harldy contain his short, round little body. He goes up the stairs
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from his computer room.)
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END SCENE 1
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Scene 2 (Spider's Room)
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(Spider's room is a very tidy little room. The bed looks untounched. Spider is
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too busy freeing warez to sleep! All over are posters of the latest computer
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hardware. <New p6 chip! 64 Bit Sound Cards! etc.> Stacks of computer manuals
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are on his desk.)
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(Enter Spider)
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(Huffing and puffing. Getting up the stairs was hard work. He slams the door
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shut.)
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Spider: I need to pack for my warez expidition! (He grabs his bookbag, which
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has a Microsoft patch on it. He begins piling in tons of clothes. He then
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opens a draw and pulls out a humongous white bottle labeled "Rash Medication".
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He stuffs it in his book bag. He also throws in tons of twinkies and Ho-Hos.
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Then he grabs another bag labeled "Lap Top". He begins to make his way out of
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his room. Suddenly he turns back.) Almost forgot to pack my undershirts! I'd
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get a rash if I didn't wear them! (He then throws in lots of sweat-stained
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undershirts, and leaves the room.)
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End Scene 2
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Scene 3 (Night Hawk's basement)
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(Night Hawk is finishing up a phone call with a Phracker member. Night Hawk is
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a 5'3" chubby white kid, pale as a marshmallow. He's dressed in a Mickey Mouse
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T-shirt, and those awesome seventies short shorts.)
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Night Hawk: Ok, remember Exodus, meet us at the Comp-USA. Pack
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whatever you feel is neccesary. Bye. Free da warez! (He hangs up
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the phone. He grabs his pre-packed book bag, and begins to head out the door.
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Suddenly Billy's mom enters the room.)
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Mom: And where are we going today, Billy?
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Night Hawk: It's "Night Hawk", and I'm going to free some warez!
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Mom: Ok, "Night Hawk", but if you're not going anywhere unless you to take
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your little brother. (Calling) Jimmy!
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Night Hawk: Oh no, mom! He's a lamer!
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Mom: I don't care what he is, you either take him with you, or you don't go.
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(Enter Jimmy. A short 9 year old in an X-men shirt.)
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Jimmy: What, mom?
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Mom: You kids spend all day in the house, and are driving me nuts. You're
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going with your brother to "Free some warez". (Night Hawk sighs)
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Jimmy: Alright! I'm gonna be l33t like Night Hawk!
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Night Hawk: You'll never be as l33t as I am, Jimmy.
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Jimmy: My name's Sparky, you lamer!
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Night Hawk: Fine, whatever, just let's go. (The two brothers head out the
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door.)
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Mom: (Calling out to them) Have fun "freeing the warez"!
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End scene 3
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Scene 4 (CompUSA parking lot)
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(7 ugly losers, COW, have gathered. We already know Spider, Night Hawk, and
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Sparky. There's also "Acid Burn", a 7 foot skinny as hell computer dork with a
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huge afro and glasses so thick that his pupils look like quarters. Then
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there's "Exodus", a tiny Japanese kid. Then there's "Ghostrider", a curly
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red-headed buck-toothed dork. And last, there's "Abraxas", a kid whose face is
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never seen because it's always hidden behind his greasy long black hair.
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All are dressed in various dork clothes, like T-shirts saying "Spock Rules",
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and have book bags filled with crap.)
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==============================================================================
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Will COW get the l33test warez? Were they set up? Have any of them gotten to
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first base? Tune in next time. Same |<-r4d time! Same l33t 'zine! I'll write
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the next part when I'm damned well good n ready. Don't pressure me! I have
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enough to worry about. How am I gonna get into college?! I missed my period!
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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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==============================================================================
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VOMIT Index
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Vomit 1..................................................................Intro
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Vomit 2....................................... Part 1 of "Quest of the K-rads"
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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L33t3r than God
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