97 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
97 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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[ Losers' Guide To Becoming A Successful... ] [ By Joseph ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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Losers' guide to becoming a successful intellectual
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or
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'why ugly guys get the fine-breasted girls'
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written by Joseph
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Does any of the following apply on you;
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People consider you boring?
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Your friends rip you off because they think you're such a looser?
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You've never got laid?
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Behind your back people laugh and call you a computer nerd?
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Even your mother think you are ugly?
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The muscles in your right hand are far more developed than in your left?
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Uhhh - are you a geek or what? Naaah, just kidding, please continue
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reading. Just sit back and read this guide on how to become an intellectual,
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a foolproof way to get women (read; girls). For some years now I've been
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watching my fellow students and some of my friends' behavior at school, and
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at various bars and parties. This led me to draw some of the conclusions I'm
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about to share with you. Don't worry about your friends finding out that all
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of your sudden changes in your personality originates from reading this
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file, you're just about to give them the finger - and score a lot more than
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they *ever* did!
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Down to some serious business. The first and perhaps the easiest step to
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become an intellectual is to stop cutting your hair. It doesn't matter that
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much how your hair actually looks, as long as the opposite sex can see that
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your are growing it. The second is a tad bit harder: buy a guitar. No, I'm
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not turning you into some nerdy musician - trust me. Learn to play two or
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three songs, that's enough. I'll tell you why later. Your third step is
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to find a small cafe where girls between the age of 16-20 hang out. The
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kind of girls you're looking for is the type that hardly ever speaks in
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school, and when they do - the words coming out of her mouth is likely to
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have something to do with Sartre, Kafka or some political crap they've
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heard to be "political incorrect". You know the type, the ones that later
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in life becomes secretaries, bored wives or leaders of the women's lib.
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Get some books by Kafka and move to the cafe. Mingle, talk with people
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(as many as you can.) After some time you've got yourself a couple of
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friends. Now it's time to dump your old friends. Perhaps this sounds a bit
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cruel, BUT IT IS NOT! Simplest thing you can do is to stop calling them -
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you'll see that they never wanted to hang with you anyway. Soon you'll find
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out that the only thing you have to do to get these girls in bed is to talk
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about 'how women has been mistreated through the years,' or basically just
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tell them that 'they've got a brilliant intellect' and you would *love* to
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meet them again to learn more. Ha ha. This very much resembles the usual
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picking up procedure, the difference being that it doesn't matter that much
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how big muscles you've got or if your face looks like a meatloaf. The only
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things you have to keep in mind is to;
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a) Always act as if you are someone *really* special
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b) Only listen to classical music or to the new "British pop"-crap
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c) Wear the latest British pop-nerd clothes
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Ohh. Erm... About the guitar, that's your last resort. If everything
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else fails, and the girl you are trying to pick up is not at all receptive
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to your lines - tell her that you are playing in a band or that you are
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writing some new political tunes for your guitar. I promise, she'll be all
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over you in no time.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #307 Underground eXperts United 1996 uXu #307
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Call SOTH'S DOMAIN -> +1-401-463-8889
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