177 lines
7.2 KiB
Plaintext
177 lines
7.2 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
### ###
|
|
### ###
|
|
### #### ### ### ### ####
|
|
### ### ##### ### ###
|
|
### ### ### ### ###
|
|
### ### ##### ### ###
|
|
########## ### ### ##########
|
|
### ###
|
|
### ###
|
|
|
|
Underground eXperts United
|
|
|
|
Presents...
|
|
|
|
####### ## ## ####### # # ####### ####### #######
|
|
## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ##
|
|
#### ## ## #### # # ## ## ####### #######
|
|
## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## ##
|
|
## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ####### #######
|
|
|
|
[ Divine Problems ] [ By The GNN ]
|
|
|
|
|
|
____________________________________________________________________
|
|
____________________________________________________________________
|
|
|
|
|
|
"DIVINE PROBLEMS"
|
|
by THE GNN/DualCrew/uXu
|
|
|
|
"Only God is perfect!"
|
|
(Heroes of the past)
|
|
|
|
|
|
"Shit!"
|
|
|
|
He used to be the mighty ruler. King of all kings. The Creator. The
|
|
best. The heroic leader. Call him whatever you want. He was God. Not
|
|
the God you call anyone who is beautiful or fantastic. He can neither dance
|
|
or sing. The first impression he gives you is that he probably reminds
|
|
you about the pictures of God in all books. Not very strange, since he IS God.
|
|
Yes, the real God. His home is Heaven and his work is to rule the world.
|
|
You can love him or hate him. But one thing is for sure; he is God, and he
|
|
created the whole world in two days (even if some books claim seven days
|
|
but that's just fake propaganda from Lucifer). His power is beyond
|
|
whatever you can imagine. He rules supreme.
|
|
|
|
Now he was laying on the floor of a 7-eleven and stared at the great hole he
|
|
made when he came crashing through the roof.
|
|
|
|
"Well, I guess you'll have to pay for that!", some idiot behind the counter
|
|
suddenly said.
|
|
|
|
"Do you know who I am, jerk?", God said while making some pathetic tries
|
|
to stand up. The floor was slippery due to the usual lousy cleaning from the
|
|
lamebrains who worked there.
|
|
|
|
"Listen Pa! I'm only a employee, ok? I don't make the fucking rules.", the
|
|
sleaze answered.
|
|
|
|
"I will guarantee you a place on my left side, haveaniceday!", God said and
|
|
quickly left the store.
|
|
|
|
New York.
|
|
|
|
Could it be worse?
|
|
|
|
It must had been Lucifer again. When the bell rang, God expected to find
|
|
another soul on the outside who wanted to come inside. It was early in
|
|
the morning and it was going to be a hectic day judging from the large amount
|
|
of people who showed up. As all days. But it was work, and someone had to
|
|
do it. Even God. But when he had unlocked the door the staircase below him
|
|
was empty. It had happened before that the soul was too eager to get inside
|
|
and stood in front of the yellow line (even if a LARGE sign clearly said
|
|
"Do NOT pass the yellow line until God have opened the door!").
|
|
Because, then it would easily happen that God accidentally slammed the door
|
|
right into the face of the soul and pushed him off the staircase. It had
|
|
happened a couple of times.
|
|
|
|
"Make a sign!", he had said to his angels.
|
|
|
|
They had made a sign. No accidents. Until now. With a sigh, God took a few
|
|
steps to the outside to watch if he could see the poor soul falling
|
|
down. He didn't even notice the wire who was placed below the door.
|
|
With a scream, he tripped and fell off the staircase. Twenty seconds later,
|
|
he crashed through the roof of the 7-eleven store.
|
|
|
|
New York. This rotten trashcan of humans.
|
|
|
|
"Yo! Check out the old fart!", some stupid kid screamed at him. With a
|
|
bright flash of lightning, God vaporized him at once. Then he continued
|
|
to walk the streets. What a place. Cars made noise, people bumped into
|
|
him, and everything smelled like junk. There he was, walking around with a
|
|
white dress, a large beard and a cross in a chain around his neck.
|
|
|
|
"Taxi!", he screamed to the bypassing yellow cabs.
|
|
|
|
Most of the drivers saw him as yet another weird Hare Krishna dude, who
|
|
wanted to go to the church for free, and didn't stop. This was humiliating!
|
|
Something had to be done. Ah! Over the street! On the other side of the street,
|
|
a taxi which was just about to leave. God made a run and threw himself into it.
|
|
Unfortunately there was already an old lady in it, but with a magic spell,
|
|
the door opened and she was thrown out as if an invisible hand had grabbed her.
|
|
|
|
"Drive!", God shouted to the driver.
|
|
|
|
"Uhm...uhm...uhm...the lady had some luggage that...", the driver
|
|
said with a weak voice.
|
|
|
|
The old lady was almost crushed when five large bags came flying from the
|
|
trunk of the taxi and landed on top of her.
|
|
|
|
"Done! Now drive!", God said with a slightly annoyed voice.
|
|
|
|
What else could he do? The driver had seen many strange things in his life
|
|
but this was very different. But he knew from experience that everything
|
|
had an explanation.
|
|
|
|
"Er...exactly where do you want to go?"
|
|
|
|
"Heaven."
|
|
|
|
Oh no, another grass-smoking hippie from the past who hadn't realized
|
|
what time it was, the driver thought. However, it was better to pretend and
|
|
drive around a while until the magician in the back seat had slipped into a
|
|
coma or something. He got very amazed when the car suddenly left the ground
|
|
and entered the sky.
|
|
|
|
"How much do I owe you?", God asked the driver.
|
|
|
|
It took them ten minutes to reach the bottom of the staircase in heaven.
|
|
The driver didn't answer. He just stared out of the window.
|
|
|
|
"Ah..ok, you'll get a nice place here instead, when the time is right,
|
|
what do you say about that?"
|
|
|
|
Still no answer. Never mind. God closed the door and sent the car back
|
|
to earth. A large crowd had gathered in front of the door to heaven and
|
|
God had to use his elbows to get to it.
|
|
|
|
"Sorry, but I'm in a hurry, let me pass!"
|
|
|
|
"Hey, we are ALL in a hurry here! We have waited a long time! No one
|
|
opens the goddamn..."
|
|
|
|
A flash from the Automatic Naughty Word Destroyer turned the soul into
|
|
nothing. A very good machine, God thought.
|
|
|
|
"No one opens the door? Well, you understand, I'm God..."
|
|
|
|
The crowd went "ooooohhhhh". The feeling of being Someone was exiting,
|
|
and God continued;
|
|
|
|
"Don't worry! I will open the door and everybody, yes EVERYBODY, will
|
|
go inside and enjoy....(short silence)...heeeeeaaaveeeen!"
|
|
|
|
Excitement and joy ran through the crowd. No judgements today! This
|
|
was Happy Hour in heaven! God turned around and faced the door.
|
|
|
|
BONK!
|
|
|
|
It hit him like a rock in the head. The door had closed and locked.
|
|
The keys were...in the lock, on the inside.
|
|
|
|
God turned blushing to the crowd.
|
|
|
|
"Anyone got a deck of cards or something?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
|
|
Call THE STASH - Home of Underground eXperts United +46-###-####
|
|
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
|
|
|
|
______________________________________________________________________
|
|
______________________________________________________________________
|