234 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
234 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
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### ###
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########## ### ### ##########
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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####### ## ## ####### # # ####### ####### #######
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## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ##
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## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ####### #######
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[ 101 Uses For The "Tower Of Power" ] [ By THE CHIEF ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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___________________
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| --------------- |
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| | # # ##### | |
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wOw! | | # # # | |
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| | # # | | Awesome!
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| | # # # | |
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| |_#___#___#___| |
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Amazing! |_________________|
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------------------------------- Cool!
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| [] _____ |
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| |_____| |
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Unbelievable! | |||||||||| |_____| |
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------------------------------- Super!
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/xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx\
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/xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx[ ]\
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/___________/===========\___________\
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\___________________________________/
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I bet you all have your old XT stuffed away in your basement or
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perhaps under that dirty laundry in your cupboard, but no more!
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Today, we will learn how to still have fun and pleasure with our
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ancient friend! How unbelievable that may seem.
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First a few words about what "other" people say about their XT.
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Most of them claim that they have upgraded it to be as fast as
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any 286 of today (no one actually admits they really have an XT
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because that's really embarrassing). Second, they say it will
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out-run any other computer known to man. After you have explained
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to them that there are faster computers, say a ZX81 or something
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the standard "corporate computist" never have heard of, he/she
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will immediately say that "Actually, I just borrowed it from
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my dumb neighbor to see if it was faster than my, hmm.. ZX81!"
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and then they go on. (Yes, it's true! Most XTs are owned by
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company-computists who spent their lives in front of mono VT52-
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terminals.)
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Now let's see what we can do about them ol' XTs.
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USES FOR THE "TOWER OF POWER"
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1) ..as a toy for the kids.
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Just do a little lobotomy, make four small holes symmetrically
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placed in the four corners of the box, and insert some skateboard
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wheels (just use the average "hammer and nail" way) into the holes
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then take a piece of rope, fasten it to the two front-nails and
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you'll have a nice toy-car for your kids. You can use the motherboard
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as seat. Hint: The 5 1/4" DD works great as a pedal or gear-stick.
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Another great hint: Place the monochrome in front of the box, connect
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it to your video and insert the tape with Cannonball Run II. It gives
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You a chance to participate in the race!
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2) ..as a collection box.
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This will replace your old C-64 collection box, because it is so BIG!
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You will be amazed when you realize how much you actually can fit in
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this "tower of power". In fact, you could use it as a collection box
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for your old C-64 collection boxes! You could fit as many as four or
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five of them even! If you already have thrown out those C-64 boxes as
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the rest of us, you still can make use of this great piece of
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equipment. Video tapes, cassettes or those operating system manuals
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are ideal too. Those long print-outs are also well placed in one of
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these. Hint: The motherboard is very useful as a separator if you
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choose to have different things in the box. Also, the 5 1/4" DD works
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wonders as support for books.
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3) ..as a place for your pet(s).
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Is your dog complaining about the hard floor? Does your ants
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seem to disappear one by one, just to re-appear between the
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slices of toast, in your bed or just in your shoes? Then you
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have a chance to change all that! The XT is a wonderful home
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for any pet. Lots of things to explore on the motherboard,
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the 5 1/4" DD and if you're fond of your pet, you can plug
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it in, to keep your pet warm, to have ventilation and your
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pet will always have light from the green "power" light.
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4) ..as a plate.
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Imagine the faces of your guests when you serve soup in an old
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XT! What a great way to show them you're a professional! Other
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good meals are macaroni surprise, mashed potato or just about
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anything clammy, floating will do. Then just smash the motherboard
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and mix it with the meal. Your guests will never notice and you'll
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save money too!
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5) ..as a fruit bowl.
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Here we have a great thingie to surprise your friends. To show
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them you're a real "hacker", you should at least have a couple
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of these placed on strategic places. If they don't seem to notice
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them, just leave the motherboard in there, mixed with the fruit
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or candy. When they get an 8088 instead of an apple, I promise
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you, they will notice. Wonderful at parties to break the ice.
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6) ..as fireplace.
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This one is quite neat. You can use it both inside and outside
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your house. Great for those garden parties where you can fill the
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box with coal, spray some lighter-liquid on it, and light it up!
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Then, place the pan, or whatever you generally use and then meat,
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hamburgers, hotdogs or whatever you're having. No risk of fires
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and the smoke will leave through those screw-holes on the sides
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of the box. You'll never get that nasty, sticking smoke in your
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hair or eyes again! Inside the house, it makes a great cosy
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fireplace for those cold and rainy nights and you won't be
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disturbed by smoke or anything!
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7) ..as a bird's nest.
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Hammer a nail through the bottom of the box. Take the bottom of
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your old C-64 and place it like this:
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|---------> The XT Box
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--------------
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| ( ) |
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| ( --)---|-----> The C-64 bottom
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| ( ) |
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| ( ) |
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| ( ) |
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| ( ) |
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| ( []-)---|-----> A Small hole for the
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A piece of wood as ---->|------------| birds to enter & exit
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a place to land on --------------
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Then just climb up a tree, and fasten it with the nail in the
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bottom of the box to the tree. Voila! A great house for the local
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bird family.
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8) ..as camping-trip toilet.
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Just put some soft stuff on the sharp corners at the top like a
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sweater, t-shirt or something and you'll have a great time.
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Hint: Make a 16x16 cm hole in the bottom of the box if you intend
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to use it outside. Another hint: DON'T if you plan on having it
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inside.
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9) ..as a goldfish bowl.
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All you have to do here is to cut a 8x8 cm hole in each side of
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the box and replace the metal with glass or plexiglass. Fill the
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box with water, and put the fish in there. Your fish will Love the
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8088 chip, circuits and resistors as decoration, and can easily
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find its place in life, as well as get an education in ancient
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electronics.
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10) ..as a shoe-box for all of the neighborhood kids and yourself.
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11) ..as a foot & water-hold for your christmas tree.
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12) ..as a hair-dryer. Just plug it in, and you're on your way!
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13) ..for those gang wars. Surprise your enemies by hitting them
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on their heads with an old XT. They'll be too surprised to
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fight back.
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14) ..to keep your shrinked heads collection in order. When the
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police arrive to search your house for those missing persons,
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they'll never look inside your running computer! Great hiding place.
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15) ..as an electric chair.
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Think of all the fun you'd have, connecting the metal box to
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the high voltage outlet, making small hand-cuffs on the edges
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and use the monochrome monitor as the back of the chair. The
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fella you want to execute sure won't suspect a thing when you
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ask him to "sit on your computer". Then turn on the monitor
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for starters, to get that extra static electricity runnin',
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and then, Pull the power-lever. SZZZZZZZZZZT! (frickle) (giggle)
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As a bonus, you fry that boring 8088 too.
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16) ..as something to tie to the end of a "just got married" car.
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17) ..as luggage! You can pack your condoms, toothbrush and whatever
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Your "thing" is into one of these. Perfect for those one-nighters.
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18) ..as a skateboard. Just apply the same rules as on No.1 but
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disregard the rope-thing.
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19) ..for practical jokes.
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You can use the XT for about 82 practical jokes. Just think for
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a while and you'll be fine. We don't write those here for your
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own pleasure/safety. We just let you know that there Are 81 good
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practical jokes.
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20) ...to write dumb-ass textfiles on how to use one.
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So, with 82 practical jokes and 19 other uses, we
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have filled out quote of 101 ways. Stay really cool!
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______________________________________________________________________
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(!) 1991 THE CHIEF & uXu Productions
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______________________________________________________________________
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