94 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
94 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛ ÛÛ ÜÛÛÛÛÛÜ ÜÛÛÜÛÛÜ ÜÛÛÛÛÛÜ ÜÛÛÛÛÛÜ
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ÞÛÝ ÛÛÜÜÜÛÛ ÛÛ ÛÛ ßÛÛßÛÛß ÜÜÛÛß ÛÛ ÛÛ
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ÞÛÝ ÛÛßßßÛÛ ÛÛ ÛÛ ÜÛÛÜÛÛÜ ÜÛÛßß ÛÛ ÛÛ
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ÞÛÝ ÛÛ ÛÛ ßÛÛÛÛÛß ßÛÛßÛÛß ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ßÛÛÛÛÛß
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Song
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by: Pip the Angry Youth
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Rubber Band Suicide
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Two years ago I was really really bored, so I decided to go over to my
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friend Bob's house and just hang around and bum food. We had nothing better
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to do so we headed down to the supermarket to loiter. I went strolling down
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isle #5 and there they were... MY RUBBER BANDS! I went over to take some and
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stuff them into my jacket, they were so beautiful. There were all kinds:
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blue, green, red, tan and even teal. They came in all sizes too... big AND
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small. I was happy with what i had until I saw it, a rubber band from a
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lobster's claw. It was then, that exact moment, that I realized that's the
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rubber band I'd like to be buried with.
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(CHORUS)
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Rubber Band Suicide,
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Latex Genocide,
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A holocaust of stretchiness,
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Blew my head off, what a mess.
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A stretchy circle of despair,
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I shoot it up in the air,
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People running out of breath,
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To escape elastic death.
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I named the rubber band "ed" after my penis. I won't tell you how I named
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it now, that's a different story. Anyway, I kept "Ed" underneath my bed among
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my PlayBoys and other sexual paraphenilia and vowed that when I was ready to
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die, "Ed" would be a major part of it.
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(CHORUS)
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Around 13 months after that I asked a girl out, but She said:
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(GIRL) - "No way you rubber band freak!"
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Well, that hurt, that hurt alot. So I went home and commenced to cry.
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<SOUND OF BABY'S CRY>
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I then reached under my bed and pulled out "Ed", "Ed" looked larger and much
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more powerful than ever before. I put one end up to my head and pulled back
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the other end as far as I could and then released it!
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<WHACK ON DRUM>
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JEEZUZ! That hurt. It didn't kill me so much as just bruise me. So I
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repeatedly whacked myself with "Ed".
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<REPEATED SPACED OUT WHACKS ON DRUM, INSERT "OW"S WHERE EVER>
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Eventually I lost coheseiveness, fell asleep and never woke up. My Mother
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found my body crumpled & bruised upon the floor and she said:
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(MOM) - "Gosh, that must've taken a while."
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... and left the room. Well, that's it, that's my story. I hope you can
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learn from it.
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(CHORUS)
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(>¯-----------------------------------------------------------------------®<)
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Well, that about raps it up for THO #20, next issue you'll be able to
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read about the end of a short lived legacy. I would like to say hello
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to the newest member of our little group Kirrel Fenn, he'll be writing
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songs and other things for us. His songs shall be parodies of other
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more famous songs, but good none the less. Peace.
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Pip the Angry Youth
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Greets:
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UDC - Greetings
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Unites States Secret Service - Hi, nice suits.
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Panther - Take a chill pill, buuuuuudy!
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Isolt - You're a flaming schmuck!
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(>¯-----------------------------------------------------------------------®<)
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