137 lines
6.9 KiB
Plaintext
137 lines
6.9 KiB
Plaintext
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Dear You,
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Well, I know that I am probably the only member of THO that is still
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writing for this damn group, and this will be the second to last THO file
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that will ever be made. I am gonna start a ElectronicMagazine, dunno what
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I am gonna call it, but it'll be out whenever I get enough crap from other
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people for it. HEY! I got a great idea, why don't you submit crap to me
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by sending it to me by the Asylum (908)914-9318 to the handle Pip the Angry
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Youth, or you can even mail it to:
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HardSnot
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Attn:Pip the Angry Youth
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PO box 1700
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Toms River, NJ 08753
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Guess that it'll be named HardSnot, eh? Pretty catchy title I think, now
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I have to get my friend to agree to that name. Enough Bull Shit, here's the
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second to last <snif snif> THO file.
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°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°
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STORY
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By PiP the Angry Youth
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This story takes place in an enchanted forest where Nymphs, Dwarves, Dragons,
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Killer Telephone books and other similar things live.
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Jhar and Milo were on a quest for the most prized thing in the world, the
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fabled bubble liquid of Scab-land. Said to be 4 inches tall and 2 and 1/2
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inches wide, this was a real treasure indeed. It is also said that there is
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a bubble wand, that, when blown into, created dozens of bubbles, more than
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anyone has seen before. Truely a marvelous treasure.
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Alas there was someone else that wanted the bubble liquid, the evil warlock
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Oliver Clothesoff, a wicked old man who liked to look at child pornography,
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necrobeastial trading cards, and moldy blood. Nice guy, but I wouldn't want
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to wash behind his ears.
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A little old ex-Killer Phonebook had the bubble liquid of Scab-land hidden
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in the grand-piano in lower Nigeria. More specifically in the house of his son
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Jim "The Somewhat Pale, but Really a Nice Guy When You Get to Know Him" Olsen
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of Dwarve's Wood. Jim didn't know of the bubble liquid inside his piano
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(which he nicknamed "Onga-Swaka", but why do you care?), he only knew that the
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piano was a gift from his father for learning how to play the tuba. This
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confused Jim greatly, so he spent several years in a mental institution called
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Sunny Hills. After many sessions of shock therapy, Jim was ready to face the
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world again.
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Upon joining the world, Jim promptly sold the piano to Kurdt Corbain, the
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king of Dwarve's Wood, who sadly left for the land of Seattle upon learning
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how to scream incomprehensible lyrics and strum a few chords of a guitar. He
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released an album of easy listening tunes for the mentally unstable called
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"I'd Like to Stop Drooling on Myself Now." This album spawned the singles
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"Hi, Can I Carve You?", "I Can't Get You Out of My Head, PLEASE GET OUT OF MY
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FUCKING HEAD!" and "A Bloody Knife is Romantic, Dammit" which climbed
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the charts because of prepubecents and wannabe's, but that's another story.
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Getting back of track....
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20 years have passed since Jim sold THE piano (10 since Nirvana and 3 days
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before Dan Quale realized he spelled Potato wrong) and now the piano is
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covered with Jim's bed sheets. These bed sheets are interesting really,
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they have this strange stain that Jim's mother could never identify, but they
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were allways there either after Jim brought a girl home and they started that
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"wrestling", or during those many times that Jim had no contact with the
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opposite sex for quite some time, draw your own conclusions. It is what's on
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the sheet now that would make you gag, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT GROWS AND
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MUTATES AFTER 20 YEARS LIVING ON STRANGE STAINS??? Trust me, you don't want to
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know. By the way, the bubble liquid is terribly bored by this time.
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CHAPTER II
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Jhar and Milo stumble into the "Villa de Corbain" after being battered by the
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rain. It's the kind of rain that really hurts when it hits your eye on the
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pupil, then the acid in the rain starts to eat away at your eyeball and slowly
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works its way towards your brain, but you wouldn't know about that would you? I
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was working my way through giant sloths in my bathroom when you were still in
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diapers punk! Don't tell me that YOU'VE been through hell, do you have any
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idea what kind of dump those suckers take? Take the biggest piece of Elephant
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crap that you've ever seen and multiply that by 10. Jeezus, I was the only one
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who could, and still can, see those things. I'm not crazy, they didn't prove a
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thing about nothing. Did they find any bodies? No, they didn't, so I am free
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to buy a house in your neighborhood and move in right next to you. Guess who's
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coming for dinner honey, Pip and he was sent free because they didn't search
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his basement for the bodies that he didn't kill. HeheheheheheHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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"It sure is raining cats and dogs out there.", said Jhar eyeing Milo
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strangely.
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"Sure is,", Milo replied, "but wasn't it a hoot when that little puppy fell
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right on top of the up ended pitch fork?"
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"No." Jhar was starting to wonder if it was the strain of the quest that
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was making him slowly go insane or if it was the voices in his head. A lone
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voice in his head told him to kill Milo because he owed his soul to the Lord
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and Master Satan, and the only way to repay was death.
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Like a wild animal, Jhar lunged at Milo with a Ginsu World Traveler with
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three cutting blades, stainless steel and a handy carrying case. With this
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piece of cutlery mastery, Jhar sliced through Milo's head like a hot knife
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slicing through a over ripe mellon. A chorus of voices spoke up in Jhar's
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head, but one was stronger than all of the others.
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"You dirty sinner! You hath killed thine friend who has trusted thou with
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his life and you broke that trust. You MUST die and go to heaven before God
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hears about this, you naught boy you. And by the way, that shirt goes badly
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with those pants, who dressed you, your mother?"
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Reflecting upon this Jhar Pulled out the paring knife, that came free in the
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last box of Coco Puffs that he had this morning, and slit his wrists so he
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could do his Spider-Man impression.
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TO BE CONTINUED.....
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°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°
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Well, I guess that THO #9 will be the ending of this story. Tell me what
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you think about it by mail if you can get to me at all that is.
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ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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³ T H E A S Y L U M ³
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³ (908)914-9318 ³
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³ H/P/A/C/V ³ OFFICIAL THO DIST SITE
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³ RPGnet ³ OFFICIAL C0RPSE DIST SITE
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³ 100:1908/3 ³
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³ DRAGnet ³ SysOp: AnsiBoy:
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³ 1:141/4 ³ Panther PiP the Angry Youth
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³ Come... Join the Insanity ³
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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DIDJA EVER PICK YOUR BUTT AND SMELL IT?
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