128 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
128 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oOOOO OOOO. OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" .OOOOOO OOOOOo OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO OOOOOOO. OOOO oOOOO
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OOOO .OOOO OOOO OOOOOOOOo OOOO OOOO"
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OOOO oOOOO OOOO OOOO "OOOO. OOOO OOOOo .OOOO'
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OOOO .OOOO" OOOO OOOO OOOOoOOOO "OOOO. oOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO..OOOO OOOO "OOOOOOO OOOOoOOOO"
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OOOO .OOOO"""OOOOOOOO OOOO OOOOOO "OOOOOOO'
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OOOO oOOOO ""OOOO OOOO "OOOO OOOOOO
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|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
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| There Ain't No Justice |
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| #56 |
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- Nothing Compares to Publicity -
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by Mark Blackwell
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typed by Zodiac
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In a recent issue of SPIN magazine, there is an article about
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predidctions of what lies ahead for dear old Sinead O'Connor. I thought it
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was hilarious when i saw it and had to type it up. Well, here it is:
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"Nothing Compares 2 Publicity"
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That nutty Sinead O'Connor sure knows how to stir up trouble! Mark
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Blackwell gazed into the crystal ball to make a few predictions about what
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the bald beauty might have up her promotional sleeve for '93.
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JANUARY 8: To the delight of a Parisian audiance, Sinead's long anticipated
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French tour commences with roadies wheeling a life sized porcelin staue of
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Jerry Lewis out onto the stage. A riot ensues, however, when Sinead dons
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combat fatigues and blasts the statue's head off with a shotgun.
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FEBRUARY 27: On tour promoting her new "Sinead Sin Aids", an Anton
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LeVey-produces EP of traditional devil worship songs, Sinead startles, an
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unsuspection Cleveland audience with a live US inspired satelite hookup of
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Charles Manson playing guitar and lending backup vocals to her single,
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"yes, i'm the demon child, i am majick" from his prison cell. Only then
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does the world notice the eerie resemblance.
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MARCH 13: Sinead marches out into Deluth, on stage dressed as Lt. Worf from
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ST:TNG, stretches a large black condom over her head and produces the Mona
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Lisa (which has been missing since her illfated visit to Paris), and rams
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her prophylactic covered bald head into the painting. The audience is
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mystified...
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APRIL 23: Not extremely well-versed in '70's American culture, Sinead
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discovers "All in the Family" for the first time through a late night rerun
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in a Memphis hotel. Highly offended, she issues a terse press release
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stating that she is not related to the "racist" Carrol O'Connor. Three days
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later, during a "coincidental" encounter in a New Orleans restaurant, she
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pours a dish of melted butter in the lap of a perplexed Sally Struthers who
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burts out in tear right on cue and slaps Sinead. The two scrapping women
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are pried apart and hauled of to jail.
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MAY 20: Sinead announces that after a great deal of painful soulsearching
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and excrusiating self-examination, she has decided to completely retire
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from the entertainmet buisiness and will never make music or tour again.
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JUNE 1: Sinead releases her fourth album and announces that, after a great
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deal of painful soulsearching and excrusiating self-examination, she has
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decided to go on tour one more time-starting the next day. She says she can
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call it her "No More Tours" tour. Nobody has the heart to bring up Ozzy
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Osbourne.
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JULY 4: Manhattan's annual parade of tall shipd is interupted by a
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mysterious bald woman shouting "You call this independance?!" over a
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loudspeaker in a think Irish accent. Sinead, coincidentally in town on
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tour, is identified from police sketchers and hauled in for questioning,
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but charges are dropped for lack of concrete evidence.
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SEPTEMBER 9: PBS viewers are mortified as Sinead ends her live poetry
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reading special by ripping up a sketch of 18th centary poet Alexander Pope.
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When questioned the next day, she admits that she's always had a problem
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with the word "pope".
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OCTOBER 2: Jealous of attention focused on punker G.G. Allin, finally out
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of prison and primed for his long delayed Halloween suicide show, Sinead
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announces that nearly three weeks earlier she will have an abortion live
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onstage to protest the 500th annaversary of Columbus's discovery of
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America. In tradition, promoters cancel the show when they realize that
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Sinead's not only a year late for the annaversary, but is also not
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pregnant.
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NOVERMBER 10: Sinead, sporting a cowboy hat and what appears to be a John
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Wayne mask, is found urinating on the Alamo. Informed by giggling,
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unimpressed bystanders that Ozzy Osbourne pulled a similar stunt many years
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ago, she hikes up her pants and storms away pissed. The next night onstage
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in Dallas, she bites the head off of a bat and blows up a goat.
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pirate television hookup meant to interupt the signals of the three major
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networks, MTV and CNN, Sinead appears live from Iraq and announces her
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engagement to Saddam Hussien. She also flatly states that the world will
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come to an end in 19 days and proclaims herself supreme goddess of all
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afterlife. As a result of a slight satalite misalignment, however, the
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broadcast can be seen only on the Weather Channel.
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<20> <20><> <20>
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