123 lines
6.1 KiB
Plaintext
123 lines
6.1 KiB
Plaintext
|
||
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oOOOO OOOO. OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
|
||
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" .OOOOOO OOOOOo OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
|
||
OOOO oOOOOOOO OOOOOOO. OOOO oOOOO
|
||
OOOO .OOOO OOOO OOOOOOOOo OOOO OOOO"
|
||
OOOO oOOOO OOOO OOOO "OOOO. OOOO OOOOo .OOOO'
|
||
OOOO .OOOO" OOOO OOOO OOOOoOOOO "OOOO. oOOOO
|
||
OOOO oOOOOOOO..OOOO OOOO "OOOOOOO OOOOoOOOO"
|
||
OOOO .OOOO"""OOOOOOOO OOOO OOOOOO "OOOOOOO'
|
||
OOOO oOOOO ""OOOO OOOO "OOOO OOOOOO
|
||
|
||
|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|
||
| |
|
||
| There Ain't No Justice |
|
||
| |
|
||
| #46 |
|
||
| |
|
||
|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|
||
- Country Music Saved My Soul -
|
||
By Beaker
|
||
|
||
|
||
This is my fictional tale about my brief but enlightening trip to Hell.
|
||
Yes, it's kind of obvious where this story is going, but there are a few
|
||
surprises, so pay attention, ok? Fine then, here we go. ..
|
||
__________________________________________________________________________
|
||
|
||
It was just a regular Saturday morning. I woke up, got changed, ate some
|
||
sort of food substance for breakfast, and headed downstairs towards the
|
||
computer room. I had no idea that my life was about to change in a matter
|
||
of minutes. As I flicked on the power switch on my computer, the whole room
|
||
filled with a light, a kind I had never seen before. Then, without warning,
|
||
Satan pops out of my moniter. Now, it isn't every day that Lucifer himself
|
||
appears before you, let alone out of your moniter, so of course I was a bit
|
||
fascinated.
|
||
|
||
I asked him what he wanted. He said "You are scheduled to die. Time to
|
||
claim your soul. " Well, I wasn't about to die without a fight, so I
|
||
grabbed a knife off my desk (yes, I happen to have various types of
|
||
weaponry lying around my room for an incident such as this one), and
|
||
plunged it deep into his chest. He flinched, then laughed. "Puny mortal,
|
||
you cannot be rid of me so easily", he said as a portal in the floor
|
||
opened. He then grabbed me and jumped through the portal.
|
||
|
||
I saw a bright flash as I passed through, then my eyes began to focus
|
||
again. I took a quick look around, and comfirmed what I thought had
|
||
happened. I was in Hell. Limbo, as I prefer to call it. It isn't really as
|
||
anyone figured it. It's basically...nothing. Nearly nothing anyway. No fire
|
||
and demons like we were led to believe. It was basically just miles and
|
||
miles of plain flat land. As Satan led me through Limbo, we arrived at a
|
||
group of holding tanks, which held the souls he captured. These tanks were
|
||
labeled, as to identify the different types of souls he had. As I passed
|
||
by, I saw "Accountants", "Lawyers", "Door-to-door Salesmen", "Used
|
||
Car-Dealers".
|
||
|
||
Then we reached the tank labeled "Politicians". I looked inside, and saw
|
||
thousands of politicians, whether they were senators, mayors, governors,
|
||
vice-presidents, presidents, or whatever. They were all sitting there,
|
||
passing a joint, and laughing at how every one of them had screwed over
|
||
Amerikkka.
|
||
|
||
I looked away, and couldn't help but shiver at the sight of them. Then
|
||
Satan spoke, "Ok, we've arrived at our final destination. In you go. "
|
||
|
||
No. I wasn't going to die like this. It must be a mistake. It must be. I
|
||
even explained this to Satan. "Satan NEVER makes mistakes, eh!", he said.
|
||
At that, I frantically began to form a plan of escape. Then it dawned on
|
||
me.
|
||
|
||
There was only one thing that could save me now. Country music. There was
|
||
only one problem : I didn't have a guitar. Thank god Elvis was there to
|
||
give me his (wait a minute, what's Elvis doing in Hell?? Hmm...)
|
||
|
||
So I played my song(I call this song "My wife's a fucking BITCH!"):
|
||
|
||
o/~ I'm tired of working my ass off
|
||
For some crappy, cheap-ass pay
|
||
It's time to break out the ammo
|
||
Cause I fell like a'killing today!
|
||
|
||
(refrain)
|
||
|
||
Oh, I never thought my life would turn to shit
|
||
My life was fine, I paid my dues, I wasn't even rich
|
||
But that fateful day that I got married I found
|
||
My wife's a fucking BITCH!
|
||
|
||
|
||
Well, I grabbed my knifes, and I grabbed my guns
|
||
And went out in a psycho-rage
|
||
I saw an old lady across the street
|
||
And killed her with my twelve-gauge
|
||
|
||
Then I went right back to my place of work
|
||
Saw my boss as I opened the door
|
||
Took a big-ass knife and gutted him good
|
||
Left his entrails all over the floor
|
||
|
||
So I went back home and found my wife
|
||
She looked all nice and neat
|
||
I ripped out her heart and cut off her head
|
||
And had a nice meal of fresh meat o/~
|
||
|
||
With that last note, Satan screamed in agony. "You're too annoying for
|
||
me!", he said. He snapped his fingers, there was another bright flash, and
|
||
I was back in my bed. I thought it was a dream, until I noticed Elvis's
|
||
guitar on the floor. ..
|
||
__________________________________________________________________________
|
||
|
||
Well, that was the day I made history as the first soul to be rejected
|
||
from Hell. So remember, if Satan ever comes to claim your soul, turn to
|
||
country music as your savior.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
[>> Phoenix Modernz Inc. :908/830-TANJ <<]
|
||
[>> Modern Textfiles Inc. The Matrix BBS:908/905-6691 <<]
|
||
[>> The Lawless Society Inc. CyberChat BBS:908/506-7637 <<]
|
||
[>> -also- <<]
|
||
[>> Terrapin Biscuit Circuit:908/506-6651 <<]
|
||
[>> First Universal Church Kalisti: 602/753-3784 <<]
|
||
|