105 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
105 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oOOOO OOOO. OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" .OOOOOO OOOOOo OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO OOOOOOO. OOOO oOOOO
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OOOO .OOOO OOOO OOOOOOOOo OOOO OOOO"
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OOOO oOOOO OOOO OOOO "OOOO. OOOO OOOOo .OOOO'
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OOOO .OOOO" OOOO OOOO OOOOoOOOO "OOOO. oOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO..OOOO OOOO "OOOOOOO OOOOoOOOO"
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OOOO .OOOO"""OOOOOOOO OOOO OOOOOO "OOOOOOO'
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OOOO oOOOO ""OOOO OOOO "OOOO OOOOOO
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| There Ain't No Justice |
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| #41 |
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|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
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-The Food Chain -
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by Tal Meta
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Okay, thats enough.
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The time has come for me to make myself known. I'm sure you'll agree that
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the time is right.
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I've been watching you, you see. Life sure sucks, doesn't it? But I can
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make it better. I can take the hurt away. I can give you a life of bliss.
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But you have to be willing to do something in return...
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Here's the deal. I know how hard it is to have so many decisions to make.
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Well, I'm prepared to make them for you. Yes, thats right, I will take away
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all those nasty decisions that you've been sweating over, and give you a
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life of perpetual ignorant bliss for the rest of eternity.
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The first thing I want you to do is to turn on your TV set. Switch the
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channels around until you find your local equivelent of the Church Channel.
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Listen to anyone who comes on. Send them money if they ask for it. Send
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everything you have. Car payments, rent money, the cash you had stashed
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away for Christmas presents, all of it. I'll provide you with riches galore
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in the afterlife... you don't need to store up any money in this life.
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Once you've done that, I want you to get out a Bible. This will become your
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emblem. Carry it with you everywhere, but NEVER OPEN IT. Don't attempt to
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read it either. Reading will just give you eyestrain, afterall. And you'd
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only have to think about whats in there, and we both know that thats not
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anything fun to do.
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Now that you've done that, I want you to turn on PBS. Wait until you see a
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program with some obvious Republicans on it. Study them. Memorize how they
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dress, how they part their hair, and listen to how they speak. Tomorrow go
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out and buy clothes like that, and get a haircut. And take your Bible with
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you! Never allow yourself to be seperated from it!
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Later that day, get a 55 gallon drum, and load it with every book,
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magazine, and newspaper you have in the house. Then set them all ablaze.
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This will be your first direct offering to me. The smell of burning books
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will bring us closer together on the spiritual plane. Cancel all your
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subscriptions, and tell that obnoxious paperboy to get lost. The Bible is
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the only book you need.
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Now, you may ask yourself, "Okay, I've done all this... now what?" Fine, go
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ahead and do that. Ask yourself. And know that in my perfect love for you,
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I am going to provide you with everything you'll need. When you need a
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friend to talk to, I'll be there. When you need a bite to eat, I will (thru
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a variety of surrogates) provide that too. When you're cold, my love will
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warm you.
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You won't have to think. You won't have to work. You can just sit home all
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day and send your unemployment checks straight to Pat Robertson, and he, as
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one of my annointed servants, will provide for you. And then, when your
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life finally ends in some gutter somewhere, I will welcome you into my
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home, in Heaven. You and I will dwell together, and I shall teach you to
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sing. You will learn songs of praise for the glory of me, and you'll sing
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them all the time. And when I grow hungry, I will break off a part of your
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soul and devour it.
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Whats that you say? Oh yes. I will devour your soul. Its all really
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simple... Look, rememeber the Food Chain? Oh yeah, thats right, of course
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you don't. Well, look. Plants grow, right? And insects eat the leaves of
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the plants. Along comes a frog, who eats the insect. The frog is eaten in
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turn by a bird, that falls prey to a cat, that gets eaten by a dog, who
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chokes to death on a bone and winds up on Farmer Brown's table. Its all
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really simple, see? Lesser lifeforms get eaten by higher lifeforms. And
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since I'm *GOD*, the HIGHEST lifeform on the food chain, I am going to eat
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your soul. Not all at once, of course, but in pieces, a little here, a
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little there.
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Look, there's no need to get all excited, this was all explained in the
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Bible. Why do you think me and Satan were locked in mortal combat over the
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souls of mankind? Your species fought over grazing rights and planting
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rights for centuries... me and Satan just took millenia to bring our fight
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down to cases, is all.
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[>> Phoenix Modernz Inc. :908/830-TANJ <<]
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[>> Modern Textfiles Inc. The Matrix BBS:908/905-6691 <<]
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[>> The Lawless Society Inc. CyberChat BBS:908/506-7637 <<]
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[>> -also- <<]
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[>> Terrapin Biscuit Circuit:908/506-6651 <<]
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[>> First Universal Church Kalisti: 602/753-3784 <<]
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