127 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
127 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
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*-* *-*
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*-* *-*
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*-* TTTTTTTTTT AAAAAA NNNN N J *-*
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*-* T A A N N N J *-*
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*-* T AAAAAAAAAA N N N J *-*
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*-* T A A N N N J J *-*
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*-* T A A N NNNN JJJJJ *-*
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*-* *-*
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*-* There Ain't No Justice *-*
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*-* #18 *-*
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*-* *-*
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*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
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*-* Phoenix Modernz Inc. 908/830-8265 *-*
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*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
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- The 69 Laws of BBSing -
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by Spartacus
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1. Derfs are everywhere.
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2. The upload/download ratio is too high.
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3. The quality of a board depends for the most part on the pickiness of the
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Sysop.
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4. Two or three good posters can turn a BBS around.
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5. Two or three assholes can turn it back the other way.
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6. Doors attract lamers like a candle attracts moths.
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7. The board with the best files is always busy.
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8. It also has a killer ratio.
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9. If the ratio was changed, it wouldn't get any new good files.
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10. Less than 5% of BBSers will upload regularly if not forced by a ratio.
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11. More than 75% of BBSers will download regularly without any encouragement
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whatsoever.
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12. Wildcat systems are lame.
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13. Searchlight systems are lame.
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14. Genesis Deluxe systems are lame.
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15. Stock WWIV systems are lame.
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16. 99% of all Telegard systems look exactly the same.
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17. No two modded WWIV systems look the same.
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18. The usual term for a beta version of Telegard is "standard".
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19. The more features in a BBS, the less it like ANSI.
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20. The number of pure warez lamers varies as the square of the size of the
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hard drive.
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21. A net named after a BBS software is run by fascists.
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22. A net using real names is run by fascists.
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23. Most BBSNets do not improve with age like good wine. Instead they spoil
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like old meat.
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24. Frontdoor does not work right the first time. Period. If it does there
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must be something seriously wrong with your echomail processor.
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25. Real name BBS's suck.
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26. A warez g0d's best friend is his hard drive. This does not stop him from
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reformatting it any time he sees a cop in a laundromat.
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27. Don't feel bad if you can't understand someone's posts for a reason other
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than acronyms. People who can't type in English seldom have anything
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interesting to say anyway.
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28. Murphy's Law has doubled effect when running a BBS.
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29. Part time BBSni never last.
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30. 0-7 day warez include a lot of neato things, but seldom anything you are
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specifically looking for, unless of course it's a new release.
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31. Elite boards are like lemmings. Every so often they destroy themselves en
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masse. Blame the feds.
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32. You can never leech just one textfile.
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33. You cannot avoid Spam and Wombats. They are your destiny.
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34. Elite sysops have even more of a tendency to be assholes than other sysops.
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35. The same mental derangement that causes people to run Searchlight also
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causes them to demand registration forms from their users.
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36. If it has less than eight lines it's not worth your money. You can find
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something better for free.
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37. Most of your callers will never call back.
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38. Most of the ones who do call back will never do anything productive.
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39. If you value your money, don't give out your personal info.
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40. If you gave out your personal info before reading this keep a very low
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profile.
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41. It seldom pays to piss off the underground.
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42. Never get caught.
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43. No matter how stupid the MCI, there's someone who will fall for it.
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44. 9 out of 10 BBSers think the tenth is an idiot. They're right.
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45. 2 out of the ten think the other eight are idiots. They're right too.
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46. The tenth one thinks all the rest are idiots, and says so, as well as
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commenting colorfully on their ancestry, habits, and probable destiny
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in the afterlife.
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47. Six out of the ten laugh heartily at these comments from the tenth. They
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may make death threats as well. Three ignore him.
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48. Prodigy is even more fascist than the fascist BBSNets.
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49. The rap vs. metal argument never dies. It's always on at least one board
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local to you.
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50. If you use caps lock, you will get flamed.
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51. If you use blinking text too often, you will be either flamed or deleted.
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52. Same goes for filling a message with the same thing 100 times.
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53. Being nice to the Sysop often pays.
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54. Don't make someone a Cosysop because he or she knows more about the
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software than you. He/she will take over the board.
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55. You WILL piss off your spouse.
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56. Lame sysops have lame boards.
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57. The bigger the HD, the harder it crashes.
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58. The only thing worse than a Federal piracy crackdown is a rumor of one.
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59. Every rule has exceptions. Even this one.
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60. There is always one user who will log onto your system exactly 3 days
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after he has been deleted for inactivity. He won't call back again
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until after he has been deleted again, for the same reason.
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61. People who list as references people you've never heard of are unlikely
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to ever call back again.
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62. People who use comic book character names as handles travel in packs.
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63. The system you have the most file points on goes down/crashes/gets busted
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as soon as you REALLY need to download something.
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64. Caller I.D. is a sysops best friend, and a user's worst nightmare.
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65. Always suspect any female user who likes to talk about her sex life
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of being a male in disguise.
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66. BBS's that advertise more than 1 sysop or cosysop are run by idiots.
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67. Sysops who ask for anything more personal than your phone number and
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first name are either giving you an intelligence test, or setting you
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up to be fucked over at a later date.
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68. Almost last, but not least, the sysop is always right.
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69. When the sysop is wrong, the above rule applies.
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*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
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*-* Phoenix Modernz Inc. :908/830-TANJ *-*
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*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
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*-* Modern Textfiles Inc. The Matrix BBS:908/905-6691 *-*
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*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
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*-* The Lawless Society Inc. CyberChat BBS:908/506-7637 *-*
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*-* -also- Terrapin Biscuit Circuit:908/506-6651 *-*
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