293 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
293 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 93 20:26:15 PST
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Reply-To: <surfpunk@osc.versant.com>
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Return-Path: <cocot@osc.versant.com>
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Message-ID: <surfpunk-0070@SURFPUNK.Technical.Journal>
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Mime-Version: 1.0
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Content-Type: text/plain
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From: surfpunk@osc.versant.com (hygvzngr bs tragvyvgl)
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To: surfpunk@osc.versant.com (SURFPUNK Technical Journal)
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Subject: [surfpunk-0070] 1APR: Rectium; promotions; SuperSHARK CARRERA CLASSIC
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# The Optimists tell us that we will all be eating
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# human excretion in twenty years. The Pessimists
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# tell us that there will not be enough to go
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# around. I hope they're full of it.
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# G.L. Searle <GSEARLE@ccs.uoguelph.ca>
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More timely news. And these better not be forgeries this time. --strick
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________________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________________
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From announce@inside.intel.com ()
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Subject: INTEL ANNOUNCES NEW PROCESSOR
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Date: Thu, 01 Apr 1993 00:00:00 GMT
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INTEL ANNOUNCES NEW PROCESSOR FOR TRULY PERSONAL COMPUTING
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1 April 1993
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Intel Corp. today announced a new line of low-power high performance
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microprocessors for a entirely new concept in "personal" computing. The
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new processors, codenamed "Rectium", are designed to actually fit the
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appropriate body cavity for "Computing Anywhere, Anytime", according to
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Fred Burfl, Vice President for New Product Locations at Intel. "We
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figured that with our 'Intel Inside' advertising campaign, which has
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high consumer awareness, we couldn't lose!".
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Within six months, a high-performance co-processor will also be made
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available. Implemented in Gallium Arsenide technology, the co-processor
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is tentatively code-named "Rectium GaAs". A new high-speed communications
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bus based on a proprietary "Fast Aerodynamic Regional Transport" protocol
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will take performance to new heights.
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Intel officials suggest that the chips will be ideally suited for
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back-end processing applications.
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Reaction on Wall Street was mixed. PepsiCo (owner of the Taco Bell
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restaurant chain) gained an eighth, to close at 82 7/8, after announcing
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a strong commitment to the new GaAs technology. Ralston-Purina (maker
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of Bean-o) fell an eighth, to 50 5/8.
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________________________________________________________________________
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Date: Thu, 1 Apr 93 09:51:19 PST
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From: Ashwin Honkan <ashwin>
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Subject: Re: April Fool's Intel posting (fwd)
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Hey Strick,
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Any word on backward compatibility for this `Rectium' ?
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:-)
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Ashwin
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________________________________________________________________________
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Date: Thu, 1 Apr 93 14:47:12 PST
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From: Ashwin Honkan <ashwin>
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VERSANT ANNOUNCES NOVEL STRATEGY TO BOOST MORALE
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Menlo Park, CA, April 1, 1993 -- Versant Object Technology today announced a
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novel strategy to boost employee morale. Industry watchers predict that if
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Versant is successful in its efforts, this strategy may be implemented all
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across corporate America.
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According to this plan, all Versant employees will receive the title of
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`Vice President' effective immediately. "That ought to improve the employee
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morale", said David Gilmour, Executive Vice President of marketing (who was
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an Executive Vice President even before this strategy went into effect).
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"By bestowing the title of `Vice President' on everyone, we are showing how
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much each individual employee means to Versant", Gilmour continued, "and it
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effectively answers the complaint of Engineering that practically everyone
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in the Marketing and Sales organizations is a manager or director if not a
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vice president. Now the system administrator is a Vice President of System
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Administration, the lone member of the tools group is now a Vice President
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and Grand High Wazoo of Tools and even the receptionist is now a Vice President
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of Reception."
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When asked if the change in title will be accompanied by a corresponding
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change in salary, Samuel Hedgpeth III, the new Vice President of Finance,
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answered, "We have no plans of filing for bankruptcy."
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Matt Miller, the Vice President of Advertising, said that it is a mere
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coincidence that the announcement was made public on April 1. "It is customary
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to make all important announcements on the first day of the quarter" he added.
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Versant Object Technology is the leading worldwide vendor of high performance
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object database management systems designed to support object-based data in
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shared, distributed applications.
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________________________________________________________________________
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Date: Thu, 1 Apr 93 17:09:30 EST
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From: keith@cc.gatech.edu (Keith Edwards)
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Subject: SUNSTRUCK FLASH: SUNTANK ANNOUNCES SuperSHARK CARRERA CLASSIC
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Sun has a long and proud tradition of carrying off good April Fool's day
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pranks, usually involving the (expensive) cars of the Sun founders (once
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the put Bill Joy's Ferrari in the lake near the Mountain View campus. Ha ha.)
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The "SHARKstation" thing is a carry-over from a prank a couple of years ago
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when they transplated the entire office of Wayne Rosing (Sun Labs chief honcho)
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into the big tank at the Monterey aquarium.
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Of course, all of these pranks are followed up by lots of free beer and
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T-shirts to comemmorate the occasion, and usually a bogus press release that
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makes fun of the usual Sun marketroid press releases and perhaps recent
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events at the company as well (read: lots of inside jokes).
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-keith
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----- Begin Included Message -----
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The annual Sun Microsystems April Fool's Day joke on some executive
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Probably of interest to the porschephiles... Those in the San Francisco
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Bay area can view it from the outside of the building. It's in
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Mountain View, off 101 at Rengsdorff. I can give directions to those
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interested.
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This year they took Andy Bechtolsheim's 911 Cabriolet and placed it
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in his office. The top is down and there's a large fish tank inside,
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with a Sun workstation under the water and a monitor displaying
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an aquarium scene.
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All of this was done overnight without the person knowing about it. This
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incident involved removing a wall (real wall.. plasterboard and all) and
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probably the windows. Somehow, they got the keys to the car and
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placed it inside the slightly enlarged room, then everything is put
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back in place.
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----- Begin Included Message -----
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SUNTANK ANNOUNCES NEW OFFICE WORKSTATIONS
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SuperSHARK CARRERA CLASSIC UNVEILED TODAY
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SunTank, a division of SunStruck, Inc., today announced the availability
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of a high performance portable computing system designed for the small
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office environment -- the SuperSHARK Carrera Classic. The new system, based
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on the Convertible Office Submersible Environment (COSE) specification,
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was unveiled this morning in the Mountain View office of company founder,
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Andreas Fish Bechtolshiem.
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"This technology is an enhanced version of our SHARKstation product
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line. It shows our total commitment to 32-bite commuting and powerful
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hardware," said Bechtolshiem. "And it's my favorite color, too."
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The heart, or rather guts, of the system lie in its 120-Megabuck
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SuperSHARK processor chip. Despite being a much smaller version of the
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7-gill processor in the original SHARKstation 1 machine, the new
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SuperSHARK is ferocious enough to destroy its closest competitors in
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seconds. Today the SuperSHARK was demonstrated performing at an
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astounding 100-tetrabites per second.
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The true beauty of the new SuperSHARK system is in its European-engineered
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Carrera packaging. The sleek, aerodynamic chassis is built for high
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maneuverability and has a convenient user interface. "We are delighted that
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the SuperSHARK chip can deliver so much power to our stylish exterior,"
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commented Hans EinFranz, project manager for Pisce, the German
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hardbody manufacturer that co-designed the Carrera Classic with
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Bechtolshiem. With a full 200 gallon tank capacity, front and rear
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wheel stabilizers, and roomy plexiglass interior, the SuperSHARK
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Carrera Classic office workstation is truly a user's dream of high
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functionality at a low price. (Suggested retail: $7995, tax, license,
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and dealer-installed Cabriolet top extra. Non-discountable.)
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No hardware system is complete without a robust operating
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environment. The SuperSHARK-powered Carrera system runs Windows ET
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from SunSlosh, a sister company of SunTank. "The WET environment
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puts a whole new motif on transparent, distributed hydrokinetic computing,"
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said Ned Zander, president and chief perch at SunSlosh. "Of course,
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no one really knows what that means, but it sounds good.
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Let's just say - the system goes fast, and it's powerful."
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At the bottom of the SuperSHARK system is SunLinks, a set of
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ground-level user tools for increased office productivity. The compact
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SunLinks course adds even more stability and entertainment value
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to the Carrera office system.
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Initial market reaction for the SuperSHARK and the related technologies
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has been remarkably favorable. "I saw a beta version, and I had to
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have one in my office immediately," commented Lotty Varey,
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Bechtolshiem's neighbor.
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SunStruck executive Sturgeon McReely noted, "It's the ultimate
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driving machine. Oh no, that's the other German guys. Anyway,
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it's what I've been trying to develop all along - a computer
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that's as easy to use as driving a car."
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"This is the pinnacle of the series that I foresaw years ago,"
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commented Wilhelm Glad, former user of an on-pond system.
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Depending on further market acceptance, the SunTank team may introduce
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an AstroSHARK server version later this summer.
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P Copyright 4.1.93 SunTank, the totally dependent
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N O and finally retired business unit of SunStruck, Inc.
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I N SunStruck, SunDunk, SunPuck, SunTank, and the
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E D OFFICE* logo are trademarks of SunStruck, Inc.
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C I SuperSHARK is a registered trademark of SHARK
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I N Intergalatic, Inc. The SHARK technology is based
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F C on a tradition first developed by the SunKit
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F A Racing Team who taught us all that "Friends don't
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O R let friends have the keys to their car."
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* O
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N N For an open look at the new SuperSHARK Carrera
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I G Classic convertible office environment, stop by
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E O building 17 in Mountain View, or call Andy
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S L Bechtolshiem at 800-IT-BITES.
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R F
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U C To commemorate this announcement, t-shirts
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O will be on sale at local cafeterias on April 1
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and 2 (while supplies last) and afterwards through
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SunWare for a limited time ($10/shirt, $12 XXL).
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NOTE: for best viewing, use the southern entrance to Bldg 17, near
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Bldg 15 or Great Bytes (B16).
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________________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________________
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The SURFPUNK Technical Journal is a dangerous multinational hacker zine
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originating near BARRNET in the fashionable western arm of the northern
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California matrix. Quantum Californians appear in one of two states,
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spin surf or spin punk. Undetected, we are both, or might be neither.
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________________________________________________________________________
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Send postings to <surfpunk@osc.versant.com>, subscription requests
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to <surfpunk-request@osc.versant.com>. MIME encouraged.
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Xanalogical archive access soon. Still contains at least one bug.
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________________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________________
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@osc /v/lang/strick/surfpunk 13 % finger @coke.elab.cs.cmu.edu
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[COKE.ELAB.CS.CMU.EDU]
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WARNING: This software still contains at least one bug!
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Coke Server Ver 0.99 2-26-93
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Coke: Cold: 0 Warm: 0 Buttons
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Diet coke: Cold: 1 Warm: 0 C: EMPTY
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Sprite: Cold: 0 Warm: 0 C: EMPTY D: COLD
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C: EMPTY D: EMPTY
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C: EMPTY D: EMPTY
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C: EMPTY
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S: EMPTY
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@osc /v/lang/strick/surfpunk 14 %
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brazil % finger bargraph@coke.elab.cs.cmu.edu
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[COKE.ELAB.CS.CMU.EDU]
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WARNING: This software still contains at least one bug!
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Coke Server Ver 0.99 2-26-93
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M&M information may not be correct, use at your own risk.
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M & M Buttons
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/-----\ C: CC........................
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| | C: CC........... D: 333333333....
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| | C: CCC.......... D: C............
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|*****| C: CC........... D: C............
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|*****| C: C............
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\-----/ S: .............
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| Key:
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| 0 = warm; 9 = 90% cold; C = cold; . = empty
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| Leftmost soda/pop will be dispensed next
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---^---
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brazil %
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