427 lines
19 KiB
Plaintext
427 lines
19 KiB
Plaintext
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 92 18:57:41 PST
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Reply-To: <cocot@osc.versant.com>
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Message-ID: <surfpunk-0016@SURFPUNK.Technical.Journal>
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Mime-Version: 1.0
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Content-Type: text/plain
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From: cocot@osc.versant.com (Captain COCOT)
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To: surfpunk@osc.versant.com (SURFPUNK Technical Journal)
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Subject: [surfpunk-0016] JOKE: Siggraph `92
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Keywords: surfpunk, siggraph, /dev/null
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________________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________________
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Date: Wed, 15 Apr 92 16:03:29 -0700
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From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
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Subject: Siggraph `92
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To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
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The Siggraph `92 Conference On Computer Graphics and Interactive
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Techniques will be held July 27 - 31 in Chicago, Illinois. The following
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contains selected portions of the Siggraph '92 Preliminary Program :
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COMPUTER GRAPHICS ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Presented to persons who have significantly influenced the progress
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of the computer graphics industry.
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This Year's Winner : Elle Macpherson
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Ms. Macpherson accounts for 97% of all GIF image files transmitted
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among computing professionals, insuring that GIF will become the standard for
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network image interchange.
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KEYNOTE ADDRESS
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===========================================================================
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"State-of-the-Art in Anal-Retentive Illumination Models" by Don Greenberg.
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Dr. Greenberg will review illumination models that for two decades
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have maintained the Law of Constant Rendering Time, which states that the time
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needed to render a high-quality image shall be one full day, regardless of the
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speed of the hardware.
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Just a few years ago, ray tracing a surface would take all day.
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However, that is no longer true, and so more complex illumination models are
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needed. According to the new treatise by Greenberg, Torrance, Sparrow, and
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Cook entitled "Wait, It's Not That Simple", current research considers each
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diffusely reflecting surface patch to be an irregular assembly of microfacets.
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The microfacets must be ray traced to get reflection coefficients. If this
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doesn't take long enough, then each microfacet itself can be considered as an
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assembly of smaller facets. This subdivide-and-publish paradigm should insure
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that illumination methods will defeat the hardware for years to come.
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INVITED LECTURES
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========================================================================
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"How to Convert Your Head into a Twisted-Pair Junction Box", by Jaron Lanier.
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"Incomprehensible Rendering of 3-D Shapes", by Yoichiro Kawaguchi.
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COERCED LECTURE
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============================================================================
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"Further Thoughts on Implicitization", by Thomas Sederberg.
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It's clear by now that implicitization of parametric surfaces was a
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bad idea. This paper explains how to re-explicitize any surfaces you may
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have mistakenly implicitized. Then we'll call it even, no harm done, okay?
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TECHNICAL PAPERS
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=========================================================================
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Drawing : The Faster, Cheaper, More Flexible Alternative to Computer Graphics.
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The Desktop : An Intuitive Physical Metaphor for Representing Windowing
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Systems Within a Virtual Reality.
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Boogers : Deformable, Viscoelastic Primitives that Merge Together Smoothly.
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The Freehand Generation of Fractal Curves using only a Lightpen and Caffeine.
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Stereosterone : The Male Visual Hormone that Makes 5 Inches Appear to be 14.
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"Where is 100110101110101101-ikstan?" : Using K-d-trees to Manage the Nested
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Recursive Subdivision of the Soviet Union.
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Impressionism : Aliasing by the Great Masters.
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Simulation of Protein Folding with Applications to the Design of Cursive
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PostScript Fonts.
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TUTORIALS
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=====================================================================
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Fundamentals Seminar
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Again in 1992, Siggraph will host a Sunday seminar for those who are
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forced to stay over Saturday night to qualify for the excursion fare.
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Attendees will learn the basics of computer graphics, including the so-called
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"paint" packages, and digital "windows" with the capability to "cut" images
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and
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"paste" them elsewhere. We will also consider the "viewing" through a
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synthetic "camera" of "surfaces" positioned in "space" and "illuminated" by
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ersatz "lightsources". As lecturer Edwin "Ed" Catmull notes, "To paraphrase
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Milton, 'Our ''reality'', like ''beauty'', is in the virtual ''eye'' of the
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proverbial ''beholder'''".
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Basic Algorithms Analysis
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Attendees will learn how to prove the optimality of their algorithms,
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so that when their algorithm produces lousy results they can at least claim
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that no one else can do better.
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Applications of Planar Fractals
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Julia and Mandelbrot sets, originally thought to have no application
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at all, have displaced Blinn's Blobby Lava Lamp as the Mac screensaver of
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choice among the new age Silicon Valley heads. However, the Vivarium project,
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a simulated ecosystem whose purpose has baffled experts, is poised to overcome
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fractals as the screensaver of the 21st century.
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Marijuana cigarettes will not be available as the call for papers
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was not issued in time.
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State-of-the-Art in Naming Those Sombrero-Shaped Functions
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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The names "Laterally-Inhibiting Receptive Field", "Windowed Sinc
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Function", "Laplacian", "Cardinal Spline", "Gabor Function", and
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"Difference-of-Gaussian" are being superceded by "Wavelet".
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Solving Graphics Problems with Wide-Area Networks
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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When faced with a graphics problem, e.g. how to calculate the distance
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between a point and a line, degree-seeking students find it easiest to ask
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for the answer on a graphics-related InterNet newsgroup. Attendees will learn
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how to post their questions so they don't sound like homework problems. We
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will also learn why we get rude responses when we ask for a public-domain
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package for intersecting two lines, or when we ask for a C procedure that
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converts a photograph into a CAD database.
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ABSTRACTS OF SELECTED TECHNICAL PAPERS
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======================================================================
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Generalized Condoms
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Although typically used for surfacing cylindrical models, the membrane
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and thin plate terms of the condom allow arbitrary deformations of the surface
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without tearing. Furthermore, one size fits all models. Thus, like
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convolutional surfaces and global splines, the condom can be used to skin
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highly-articulated skeletal armatures.
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Color, texture, and bump mapping are discussed. A top-down, scanline
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approach to rolling the surface over the armature is presented.
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Auropresence
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Our research team at AT&T has designed and deployed into every home
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in the nation a communications network that provides real-time, two-way audio
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virtual reality, or "auropresence". Experiments show that cybernauts, using
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unobtrusive hand-held headsets, interact verbally with remote users as if all
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parties were in the same room.
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Graphics Hardware Acceleration for Hierarchical Splatting
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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We discuss how to impose a hierarchy of point-spread functions when
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rendering volume visualizations using arrays of Stardent graphics
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supercomputers. Our method is based on the observation that, the higher the
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window that the Stardent is thrown out of, the more time the graphics hardware
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can accelerate and thus the larger the splat upon the concrete.
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The Oz-slow Algorithm for Vector Field Visualization
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Weightless streamlining witches, cows, and loved ones are advected
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into the flow field and observed from the door of the viewing house, a
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spinning framework that itself follows path integrals through the dataset.
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Data can be sent somewhere over the rainbow colormap, where it will be
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rendered in technicolor.
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Image Processing within a PostScript Interpreter
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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PostScript interpreters tuned to process text often have access to
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thousands of bitmapped fonts. We suggest that such interpreters can also
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succeed in processing gray-tone images by converting the images into arrays of
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characters.
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Scaling an image can be performed simply by changing the font's point
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size. Contrast is enhanced by changing to a bold font. Rotation is
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implemented by using italic fonts; repeatedly italicizing horizontally and
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then vertically will accomplish the Catmull-Smith two-pass image rotation
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algorithm.
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With enough fonts, a given font will be assured that all its affine
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transformations are simply other existing fonts. Thus, according to the
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Collage theorem, Iterated Function Systems can be used to encode images given
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a single letter from any font. This will work especially well for encoding
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images of text.
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Digital Simulation of a Painter's Materials
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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We present a digital paint system which simulates the surface behavior
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and dynamics of time-tested painting implements. The system manages the video
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display so that it exhibits the irregular structure of a cave wall, and the
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system allows the user to choose colors from a pallete of crushed berries and
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animal organs. PostScript output onto a real cave is discussed.
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Ethical Considerations in Graphics Production
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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In 1989, researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
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were applauded for their "Study of a Numerically Modeled Severe Storm", a
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dynamic visualization of data derived from the simulation of a synthetic
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tornado. However, it has been recently revealed that their data was not fake,
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but was in fact real. We discuss the fallout of the ensuing scandal.
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Memory Technologies for Direct Volume Visualization
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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We at the Computer Museum in Boston just realized that our museum is
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filled with junk. You think you're clever, unloading your computer garbage on
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us like we were Jersey. Well, forget about history. From now on we're doing
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volume visualization, on the leading edge.
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In volume visualization, the task is to render the data so that it
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appears to have a 3D physical form. However, this task can be avoided if
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the data is held in a memory device that itself has a 3D physical form.
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In addition to its volumetric shape, the memory components must be large
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enough to be visible to the naked eye. The only memories that fulfill these
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constraints are the ferrite core memories of the 60's. Binary voxel arrays
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can be loaded into core memories that have been coated with magnetically
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reactive pigment so that each core is white or black. In this way, a
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researcher can comprehend his 3D data by walking around and peeking inside the
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memory itself. And the memory is free; in fact, we'll pay you to move it out
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of here.
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MacKoax! from Coax Inc.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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We present a product that is plug-compatible with Mac's, PC's, Unix
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workstations, and all other SCSI, parallel, or custom ports. The device
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operates at room temperature and does not require power. Its simple design
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provides ISDN, TCP/IP, big-endian/little-endian functionality that accepts
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PostScript, NTSC, voice, IGES, MIDI, Group 3, and all other formats, under the
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condition that input and output formats are the same. The device works at
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video rates and, because it doesn't do anything, it operates without any data
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loss or distortion.
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CAT Scan Visualization in PostScript
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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We present a new method of using PostScript to visualize objects
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formed from serial sections. Our method begins by thresholding the volume
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data into a 3D bitmap of voxels that are either transparent or opaque. We
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then iterate over all 2D sections, converting each into a PostScript bitmap.
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We then send the bitmaps to our laser printer, which we have enhanced so that
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the laser actually burns the paper away at the positions of transparent
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pixels.
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As sections are printed off, they form a stack in the output tray.
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Eventually,
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the CAT scan data volume is realized in solid paper, which can be bound in
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book form.
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Physics and the Mootness of Graphics
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Current trends in photorealistic graphics involve thermodynamics for
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radiosity calculation, optics for ray tracing, classical mechanics for
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physically-based animation, and Kirchoff's laws for reflection and absorption.
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Thus, an undergraduate physics curriculum that uses computer simulations will
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accidentally recapitulate all of computer graphics while resulting in a
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kick-ass renderer.
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FILM & VIDEO SHOW
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==========================================================================
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The Up With People chorus will give a live multimedia rendition of
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"Chicago : It's Not as Bad as Detroit". Unfortunately, our usual laser show
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has been hired away by the International PostScript Convention. However, we
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do have a flatbed plotter whose pens have been replaced with lasers.
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PostScript path files submitted to the plotter will be drawn calligraphically
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on the projection screen.
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PDI Morph Reel
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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For a recent Michael Jackson music video, Pacific Data Images created
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what is to date the longest continuous raster image morph sequence, involving
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transitions between more than a dozen completely different human faces. Each
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face was Michael Jackson after a plastic surgical operation. Digital
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extrapolation was used to predict Jackson's future appearance as he achieves
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his goal of a "Siamese-Cat-with-Kirk-Douglas-Chin" look.
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Excerpts from "Terminator 2"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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In the future, blobby models (metaballs, equipotential isosurfaces)
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will enjoy continued success over competing surface methods. All other
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modeling technologies will be made obsolete while blobby models will become a
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world-wide standard. Eventually, Blobbies will decide they don't need the
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humans. Shiny, environment-mapped deformable pseudopods will go on a rampage
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and nearly terminate the human race.
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In "Terminator 2", a Blobby travels back in time in order to terminate
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a boy named Pierre Bezier, the only person who can stop blobby modeling from
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taking over. The Blobby terminator's ability to distend his shiny metallic
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anatomy to any length lets him become a successful porno star named Long Dong
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Silver.
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The Making of "Starwatcher"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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For the feature film "Starwatcher", new techniques in the modeling
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of totally synthetic scenes have been perfected. A Cyberware scanner is used
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to digitize real faces in a variety of facial expressions while mouthing all
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possible phonemes. The Data Suit is worn by live actors and domesticated
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animals to capture natural-looking action. Textures and scenery are derived
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from sonar and optical recordings taken on-location. Clay models are moved
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incrementally and then laser digitized to create a different 3D object to be
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rendered for each frame. By combining these techniques, "Starwatcher" will
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become the first feature length film in the history of cinema that is entirely
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computer-animated, completely untouched by human hands, involving no live
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action footage at all.
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Special Effects in the Next "Star Trek"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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In motion pictures (such as Lawnmower Man, Looker, Return of the Jedi,
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and the genesis effect in Star Trek 2), computer graphics effects have been
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used quite successfully to depict, um, computer graphics. Now, the artifacts
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of computer graphics will be used to best advantage in "Star Trek NaN : The
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Wrath of Phong"....
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< The landing party alpha-blends to opacity on the planet's surface. >
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SPOCK : The tricorder indicates a complete lack of mirror reflections and
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cast shadows. Also, if we travel too far from the origin, we will
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suffer from round-off error. Captain, this planet is highly
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dangerous; it was wise to bring expendable red-shirted security men.
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< An expendable red-shirted security man turns to the side while looking
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upward. His neck joint suffers gimbal lock, and he falls in a heap. The
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group rushes to him. >
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MCCOY : Jim, he's dead.
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KIRK : < throws arms wide, ripping shirt > No quaternions? What kind of
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planet is this?
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< An omnipotent, dim-witted native of the planet approaches, walking through
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cone-shaped trees and icosahedral boulders. His form is that of a matte
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gray
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desk lamp. For no apparent reason, his light bulb flashes when he speaks. >
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LAMP : Why does this death cause such grief, One-They-Call-Kirk? Was he not a
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non-speaking extra?
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KIRK : He was just an extra, yes, but still an actor, and, so, we, actors,
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all of us, too, feel his pain, his agony. Regardless of age or
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experience, each of my species belongs to a single screen actor's
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guild.
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< Another native of the planet, a curvaceous astro-bimbette, enters. >
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ASTRO-BIMBETTE : When you open your mouth wide while over-acting, I can't see
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out the back of your head. You are not from here, are you?
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KIRK : We are from a far-away planet. And yet, like your sun, ours is a point
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light source at infinity. We will return there soon.
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A-B : Why must you leave? Does my form not please you?
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KIRK : Oh, yes. Your complexion is very uniform, your surfaces are subdivided
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to a pleasant smoothness, and your boundary representation implies
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that
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your head is empty. My gender finds these traits attractive. Though
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I'm sure your not just a Kirk-tease, I must nevertheless be going -
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LAMP : Captain, please stay. Due to excessive instancing, the genetic
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patterns of my people are identical. Without variety, our species is
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threatened with extinction. If you do not impregnate all the young
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women on our planet, we are doomed.
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KIRK : < righteously > If there is one law that we live by, it is that all
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species have the right to survive. Bones, help me service all these
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women.
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MCCOY : Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a firehydrant.
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ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE
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===========================================================================
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We apologize if we have at times referred to Siggraph '92 as Sgigraph '92.
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________________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________________
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The SURFPUNK Technical Journal is a dangerous multinational hacker zine
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originating near BARRNET in the fashionable western arm of the northern
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California matrix. Quantum Californians appear in one of two states,
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spin surf or spin punk. Undetected, we are both, or might be neither.
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________________________________________________________________________
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Send postings to <surfpunk@osc.versant.com>, subscription requests
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to <surfpunk-request@osc.versant.com>. MIME encouraged.
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Xanalogical archive access soon. It's just a jump to the left.
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________________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________________
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