1639 lines
84 KiB
Plaintext
1639 lines
84 KiB
Plaintext
|
||
Living in such a state taTestaTesTaTe etats a hcus ni gniviL
|
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of mind in which time sTATEsTAtEsTaTeStA emit hcihw ni dnim of
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does not pass, space STateSTaTeSTaTeStAtE ecaps ,ssap ton seod
|
||
does not exist, and sTATeSt oFOfOfo dna ,tsixe ton seod
|
||
idea is not there. STatEst ofoFOFo .ereht ton si aedi
|
||
Stuck in a place staTEsT OfOFofo ecalp a ni kcutS
|
||
where movements TATeSTa foFofoF stnemevom erehw
|
||
are impossible fOFoFOf elbissopmi era
|
||
in all forms, UsOFofO ,smrof lla ni
|
||
physical and nbEifof dna lacisyhp
|
||
or mental - uNBeInO - latnem ro
|
||
your mind is UNbeinG si dnim rouy
|
||
focusing on a unBEING a no gnisucof
|
||
lone thing, or NBeINgu ro ,gniht enol
|
||
a lone nothing. bEinGUn .gnihton enol a
|
||
You are numb and EiNguNB dna bmun era ouY
|
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unaware to events stneve ot erawanu
|
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taking place - not -iSSuE- ton - ecalp gnikat
|
||
knowing how or what 3/25/95 tahw ro woh gniwonk
|
||
to think. You are in FiFTEEN ni era uoY .kniht ot
|
||
a state of unbeing.... ....gniebnu fo etats a
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
CONTENTS OF THiS iSSUE
|
||
=----------------------=
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|
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EDiTORiAL Kilgore Trout
|
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STAFF LiSTiNGS
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[=- ARTiCLES -=]
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THOUGHTS ON A COFFEE SHOP Nemo est Sanctus
|
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AiDS UPDATE Clockwork
|
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NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND
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RECLAiMiNG OUR iDOLS -- THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGiANCE Crux Ansata
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ADiDAS' TRiBUTE TO HiSTORY -- HENRY MONTH Adidas
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ON NAIVETE IN FICTION, or
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THE POWER OF FORREST GUMP, PART 2 I Wish My Name Were Nathan
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SATANiSM AND DECADENCE iN P<>R LAGERKViST'S THE DWARF Crux Ansata
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[=- POETRiE -=]
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THE CHiCKEN-HAWK SWOOPS Not Myself
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[=- FiCTiON -=]
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THE STORYTELLER -- Part I Kilgore Trout
|
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--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
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EDiTORiAL
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by Kilgore Trout
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Yeah, I know, from the table of contents this issue looks small, but it's
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not. I'm quite pleased with it, other than the fact that there's only one
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poem and one story, but I suppose that's partially my fault since I didn't
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pay my internet provider until yesterday (read: put the check in the mail).
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So if you sent something in for this issue, I'll take a look at it for the
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next one.
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Big news this issue is that I put out State of unBeing #8 in between this
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||
issue and the last issue. True, it was only a few hours before this issue, but
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it IS out. So get it from where you got this issue.
|
||
|
||
As for this issue, we're trying to be a little more "high brow" as we've
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||
come to jokingly call ourselves around the Apocalypse Culture Publication
|
||
offices (haha). Since schools don't really do a good job of educating, we
|
||
decided to include a little history lesson about a really cool guy who's dead
|
||
now. Geechy Guy did a funny comedy routine on him. "Give me liberty, or give
|
||
me, er, well, death is a little harsh, dontcha think? All I'm saying is that
|
||
if you've got some extra liberty lying around, I'd like a piece of it..."
|
||
But enough about strange looking comedians. We've got some lovely articles
|
||
on the purpose of writing and why being naive in writing can be a good thing.
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Plus I've included the first part of my first normal story ever. Sorry if
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that lets you down, but dammit, I like it.
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||
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Once again, let me just say that we are always looking for new writers.
|
||
We'd love to have some diversity around here. Opposing viewpoints, some
|
||
letters to the editor or authors (send it all to me), or even *GASP* some
|
||
articles and literature. Send it in. You don't get paid, but hey, you can
|
||
say you got published.
|
||
|
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Captain Moonlight promised he'd continue his guerilla warfare series
|
||
next issue, so all of you guys docked out in cameo with rifles in the woods
|
||
waiting for the next installment, be patient. He has to do a little more
|
||
research. Wouldn't want to follow someone's instructions that weren't well
|
||
written, would ya? ESPECiALLY if it could mean your life.
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||
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Not much else really. I'm just tired from putting together two zines
|
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tonight. Hope you like it. And, as we've always said, if you don't like
|
||
it, go start your own damn zine.
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
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STAFF LiSTiNG
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EDITOR
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Kilgore Trout
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CONTRIBUTORS
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Adidas
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Clockwork
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Crux Ansata
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I Wish My Name Were Nathan
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Nemo est Sanctus
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Not Myself
|
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|
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--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
|
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[=- ARTiCLES -=]
|
||
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
THOUGHTS ON A COFFEE SHOP
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by Nemo est Sanctus
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I have been meaning to go to a so-called "Poetry Slam" for some time. I
|
||
don't know if this is a regional term, so for the benefit of those outside the
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area, a "Poetry Slam" is a kind of open mic poetry reading. The term, to the
|
||
best of my knowledge, came from the High Times, a local brain bar, where the
|
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custom was to deride poetry rather than applaud it. Anyway, these poetry
|
||
readings have since cropped up across the area. Nonetheless, I had not yet
|
||
gone to one.
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I did not have a legitimate reason to not go to one. Friends of friends
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||
had been in them, and friends had attended. I had even been with a friend
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when his girl friend's friends were inside at one. I sat outside on the
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||
porch. Truth is, I suppose, I was frightened to. Frightened of what, I don't
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||
know. Mostly of disappointment, I suppose. I'd heard local poets on the
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university radio talk shows and I'd met a couple of performers, and between
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||
that and what I had heard from friends, it was not as good as I would hope.
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I was pleasantly surprised, though. The coffee shop I went to was having
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||
its first open mic night, and so there was a mixture of old things and new
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||
things and many people with multiple pieces, but as yet no "voice". Many of
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||
the people knew each other. I had expected college age pseudo-intellectuals,
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||
as clog the art deco coffee shops around campus, but these were mostly high
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school age people. It got me to considering the coffee shop, and some other
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||
topics.
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||
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People who present at these open mic nights seem to be very pleased with
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||
themselves. And well they should be; I was the same way when I was first
|
||
printed in my high school's literary magazine or in State of unBeing. (I was
|
||
less pleased when my writing was butchered in my high school's second literary
|
||
magazine, but Kilgore has seen fit to schedule the uncut version of that story
|
||
for SoB #8.) The thing is, it is a lot like a literary magazine: It is not
|
||
exactly achieving publication or fame, but it has its chances. An coffee
|
||
house, or a literary magazine, can be nothing more than a shoal on the shore
|
||
of literature, or it could be the next Cheap Truth.
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||
|
||
People at these coffee shops too seem to think this is a new concept. Of
|
||
course, they are generally aware -- dimly -- of the beat generation's coffee
|
||
shops, and I suppose they aspire to a rebirth of this concept. There have
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||
been, however, "coffee shops" in one form or another since at least the
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||
seventeen hundreds. Back then they were called salons, and the middle aged
|
||
women who ran them would affect airs and read from Voltaire, considering
|
||
themselves educated people. And, I imagine, some great people were connected
|
||
with the movement.
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||
|
||
What, though, separates an unknown salon from a Cheap Truth? The thing
|
||
that makes the difference is, as I previously alluded, a "voice". Many other
|
||
elements are needed -- distribution, budget, time -- but when a "voice" has
|
||
been achieved these others are inevitable.
|
||
|
||
And what, Nemo, do you mean by "voice"? Simply this: The greatest
|
||
journals, schools, movements, etc., have all operated around a philosophy and
|
||
a vision. This is true not only of literature, but of politics as well. Who
|
||
has read of the history of Marxism and not heard of Iskara, "The Spark", which
|
||
provided the voice of the Bolsheviks before the October Revolution? Iskara
|
||
allowed the movement to develop its philosophy, to reach out its message to
|
||
other readers and possible recruits, but most of all it provided a forum for
|
||
the theoretical leaders to discuss matters in a scholarly manner while still
|
||
educating the public.
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||
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||
This is not to imply stagnation, however. Too often with political
|
||
journals today, and perhaps why there are no real movements in politics today,
|
||
there is no dissension, as they say, among the ranks. In Iskara, Lenin was
|
||
not always right, and he changed his mind and debated openly with those who
|
||
didn't agree. The important thing, though, was that the movement continued
|
||
forward despite -- because of -- the disagreements.
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||
|
||
What does this have to do with a coffee shop, or indeed with a literary
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magazine? If one is to be successful, it must come to develop its own
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||
philosophy. It is important to have a qualified editor in the case of a
|
||
journal, and in both cases a circle of qualified writers must be assembled.
|
||
Even with both of these, though, without a movement or a focus the endeavor
|
||
will simply be a sounding ground where a couple of authors will present a
|
||
couple of times and then move on, leaving nothing but the dregs to present
|
||
their mediocre works. What is needed is a circle of theoreticians along with
|
||
the writers.
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What would a literary movement be without critics? What would a
|
||
political party -- spoken in the nineteenth century sense and not in the
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||
modern two-"party" bastardization -- be without theoreticians? In both cases,
|
||
stagnant. The writers would continue in their own manners, with no focus.
|
||
The political writers would complain about the state of the world, with no
|
||
idea of how this is to be repaired. It has been said that Cyberpunk was a
|
||
writer and a critic; without either, there would have been no movement, but
|
||
the movement eventually shook the entire world. It has been said that the
|
||
beat movement was a handful of authors in a coffee shop before the "movement"
|
||
was recognized, but because these were theoreticians also, the movement could
|
||
be born, incubate in a back room, and again shake the world. The success of
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||
the Bolsheviks in shaking the world need hardly be mentioned.
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||
|
||
So, as Lenin said, what is to be done? The answer is essentially the
|
||
same in all cases. If a journal, coffee shop, or political movement are to be
|
||
successful, their main members need to become familiar with each other, and
|
||
the theoreticians among them must come to understand the movement that is
|
||
developing among them. A coffee shop does not provide an appropriate forum
|
||
for the reading of literary criticism, but when the familiars are known to
|
||
each other, essays and concepts will get exchanged. There is no better place
|
||
than a coffee shop. It is imperative, though, that the movement define
|
||
itself. Else, the movement, coffee shop, journal, will die.
|
||
|
||
More important, though, is that the coffee be strong and plentiful.
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
|
||
"Let every conscientious man ask himself this question: Is he ready? Is he
|
||
so clear in his mind about the new organization towards which we are moving,
|
||
through the medium of those vague general ideas of collective property and
|
||
social solidarity? Does he know the process -- apart from sheer destruction
|
||
-- which will accomplish the transformation of old forms into new ones?"
|
||
--Alexander Herzen
|
||
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
AiDS Update
|
||
by Clockwork
|
||
|
||
Alright, boys and girls, here I am again. Many of you wanted more
|
||
information and such, and I promised I would write up another article. And
|
||
BOOM! I have...
|
||
|
||
Many of you wanted to know where I got my information from. Well,
|
||
prepare for a bibliography from hell... And, you can check all these things
|
||
out for yourself, you can attain all these articles from somewhere. I am not
|
||
exactly sure where. Maybe the library -- that's always a fun place. Of
|
||
course, there are better places to go. However, if you don't want to spend
|
||
all the time looking for all this crap yourself, don't worry. Just send a
|
||
letter to our Kilgore saying that you would like the information on AIDS.
|
||
And make sure to leave your name and e-mail address so we can contact you.
|
||
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||
Now for the list...
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||
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||
"The Real Cause and Cure of AIDS," by Everett G. Jarvis.
|
||
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||
"AIDS, A Plot To Kill People?" by John Hairhall, Baltimore Evening Sun.
|
||
|
||
A public statement made by Professor Jakob Segal from Berlin, Germany ...
|
||
obtained from the New York Transfer News Service. You can also get his book
|
||
(in German) -- "AIDS, Die Spur fuehrt ins Pentagon."
|
||
Neur Weg Verlag
|
||
Kaninenberghoehe 2
|
||
W-4300 Essen 1
|
||
Germany
|
||
|
||
"Who's Making Money Off Of AIDS?" by Steve Painter, from The Green Left
|
||
Weekly.
|
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||
"The Strecker Memorandum," by Dr. Robert Strecker. You can obtain MUCH
|
||
information from Dr. Strecker and The Strecker Group. They even offer a
|
||
videotape for $30. You can write to them at:
|
||
The Strecker Group
|
||
1216 Wilshire Blvd.
|
||
Los Angeles, CA 90017
|
||
Or, you can call them: 213-977-1210, 213-977-0701, or 800-548-3198.
|
||
Just call them up and ask for information about AIDS and they will send
|
||
it to you.
|
||
|
||
I got many articles from a publication called New Dawn Magazine, which
|
||
comes out of Australia. I do not have the address off hand, but I do have the
|
||
articles:
|
||
"Shocking Revelations On AIDS Research"
|
||
"AIDS: Man-Made Holocaust"
|
||
"The Mystery of Skull Valley"
|
||
"AIDS: As Biological or Psychological Warfare"
|
||
"Immunex"
|
||
|
||
"Scientist's Polio Fears Unheeded," from The Houston Post, Friday, April
|
||
17, 1992. Not exactly AIDS, but very interesting...
|
||
|
||
A document written by one Campbell Douglas, M.D.
|
||
|
||
And an article out of Covert Action Information Bulletin #28:
|
||
Box 50272
|
||
Washington, D.C. 20004
|
||
|
||
Henry Kissinger's "top secret" document was National Security Memorandum
|
||
200, and can be obtained from the National Archives. Call them or write them
|
||
up, and you can probably get a copy sent to you.
|
||
|
||
Out of the U.S. Senate Library, you can get a copy of the Appropriations
|
||
Hearing on July, 1969, when the Dept. of the Army requested $10 million to
|
||
research a virus to destroy the immune system.
|
||
|
||
Now, I have everything listed above, except for the videotape. I also do
|
||
not have copies of the National Security Memorandum, and the Appropriations
|
||
Hearing, but I have seen them. So, if you want any of this stuff, write us.
|
||
You will probably have to pay for shipping and handling, but believe me, it is
|
||
worth it.
|
||
|
||
WAIT! I am not done yet .... as an added bonus I have included some more
|
||
interesting things...
|
||
|
||
I will now reprint a speech given by one Mr. Craig Hulet. He was a
|
||
former advisor to the National Security Council and a former consultant to
|
||
many multi-national companies. He has over 4 years writing and lecturing to
|
||
share with everybody who will listen. Mr. Hulet knows personally the kind of
|
||
men who are running the world. He knows what they're up to and he is trying
|
||
to warn us. This speech was given on July 25th, 1992, at the Hilton Hotel in
|
||
L.A. His subject was George Bush and the New World Order, but at that end of
|
||
the evening, he was asked a specific question about AIDS, and this is how he
|
||
responded:
|
||
|
||
"... biological warfare virus by the U.S. Military. Sure... I really
|
||
hate that subject. You know, we're never, ever going to be able to prove --
|
||
Strecker, William Douglas -- we'll never be able to prove that AIDS was
|
||
developed specifically to reduce the populations of Central Africa, the black
|
||
inner cities, drug users, prostitutes and homosexuals. But it just seems
|
||
strange to me that all through the 1960's and 1970's, there were books
|
||
published; [the] Global 2000 Report to the President, [the] the Club of Rome
|
||
wrote a book on overpopulation -- I must have over 50 books on over-population
|
||
and the need to get rid of a certain large amount of people on the planet.
|
||
Now, they never say which people out to be gotten rid of, but it seems a major
|
||
coincidence that the same people that are starving in Ethiopia, in the Sudan,
|
||
are the same people that getting AIDS and dying. By the year 2000, they
|
||
expect 60 million blacks in Central Africa to die of AIDS. 60 million! It
|
||
could be as many as 20 million in America. Homosexuals, predominantly, and
|
||
the interesting thing is, it is not a homosexual disease. It IS a man-made,
|
||
mutated disease. It had to have been man-made. Sheep do not get together and
|
||
do chemical experiments on their viruses. So, a man had to graft this bovine
|
||
virus, which they now that's what it is, onto a human cell. It had to be
|
||
made. So we know it's man-made. They know it's transmitted with the ...
|
||
because t most effective device ... the best test to discover if you have A
|
||
not a blood test, it's a saliva test. Now why haven't they told us that?"
|
||
|
||
"It's not a sexually transmitted disease, it's simply a disease that gets
|
||
transmitted. And you can get it by sneezing on someone. Why don't they tell
|
||
us that? In the Congressional Record, it says that it can be transmitted
|
||
"effectively" by mosquitoes. It says so. The Center for Disease Control, in
|
||
the Congressional Record, says that it is transmitted by mosquitoes in
|
||
Belgrade, Florida -- they know it for a fact. Why haven't they told us that
|
||
AIDS is being transmitted by mosquitoes? They say it to themselves in the
|
||
Congressional Record, why don't they tell us?"
|
||
|
||
"OK. Here's my theory. Whether or not [AIDS] was created for the
|
||
purpose of exterminating the very same, coincidentally, same anti-social
|
||
element that the men I did business with for 15 or 20 years, thought ought to
|
||
be gotten rid of anyways; homosexuals, prostitutes, blacks, etc., and of
|
||
course the Black Continent -- they want the resources but they certainly don't
|
||
want to feed the people, see? Why is that they are allowing all of these
|
||
myths to be told -- the destruction to take place, and they're doing nothing
|
||
to stop it? Here's my theory, and this is all it is -- is a theory -- that
|
||
they'll find a cure when about 1 billion people on this planet have died from
|
||
AIDS, starvation and disease -- all over the world, all of a sudden Eli Lilly,
|
||
who is one of the major corporations doing AIDS research -- and
|
||
coincidentally, George Bush on the Board of Eli Lilly -- when they finally
|
||
eliminate huge sections of the population, which is what they always wanted
|
||
throughout the 1960's and 1970's, because of over-population -- it's called
|
||
"mitigating the problem." They feel that AIDS and famine and disease will
|
||
mitigate the problem of over-population. I suspect that around the year 2010
|
||
or so, all of a sudden Eli Lilly will announce that phenomenal cure for AIDS,
|
||
but not until a lot people die. Like I said, it seems a major coincidence to
|
||
me that the very same men I did business with for years, dislike the most,
|
||
those people happen to be the ones contracting AIDS -- happens to be the ones
|
||
that are dying in famines and pestilence -- I don't believe in the
|
||
"Coincidence The History" -- I just don't. I haven't for a long time because
|
||
National Security Council is too brilliantly planned. They plan to the most
|
||
minute detail. I can't believe that all of this is coincidence. That's all I
|
||
can say though."
|
||
|
||
"I'm going to do a White Paper on that one of these days. One of the
|
||
reasons I haven't is that if you talk about AIDS, you never get invited on the
|
||
university campus -- you follow me? So I never address AIDS ... for 4 years
|
||
I've had material on AIDS that addresses this in some fundamental way, and
|
||
some of it was very good documentation, proving some of the things that I just
|
||
said, but I have never discussed it because if you discuss AIDS, I guarantee
|
||
you, you will never be a speaker on the university campuses." [Craig Hulet]
|
||
|
||
Here's the other treat for you. This is the House of Common Social
|
||
Services Committee, and this is a document prepared by the Royal Society of
|
||
Medicine. You can not get more official than this in Great Britain. And this
|
||
is what they say:
|
||
|
||
"The scale of the deceptions and misinformation perpetrated by
|
||
virologists, clinicians and editors of scientific and medical journals about
|
||
the ineffectivity of genital secretions, compared with that of blood and
|
||
saliva, has been astonishing. In the presence of a new, lethal virus,
|
||
spreading amongst people, for which no vaccine or cure is in sight, every
|
||
person would assume that scientists have been working day and night to verify
|
||
how it is transmitted. On the contrary, having assumed for a variety of
|
||
motives that AIDS is a sexually transmitted disease like syphilis or
|
||
gonorrhea, a negligible research effort has gone into the critical matter of
|
||
transmission. A few preliminary papers were published and their findings have
|
||
been repeatedly quoted as showing the opposite of what they actually showed.
|
||
When this was pointed out in letters to the editors of American medical and
|
||
scientific journals, publication has been refused. No attempt has been made
|
||
to check or double-check the findings of other laboratories, or to rectify
|
||
published errors."
|
||
|
||
"As far as it goes, the tiny research effort into infectivity of bodily
|
||
fluids indicates that saliva is far more infectious than genital secretions,
|
||
but that blood is vastly more infectious than either. Consequently, the idea
|
||
that condoms can have any significant effect on the spread of AIDS in a nation
|
||
is utterly preposterous."
|
||
|
||
"Governments all over the world are spending millions of pounds
|
||
[dollars], advising their citizens to present AIDS by using condoms on the
|
||
basis of MANIFESTLY FRAUDULENT misrepresentation of scientific evidence."
|
||
|
||
So! There you go! I highly recommend calling up Dr. Strecker and
|
||
getting the information that he has. Lot's-o-stuff. Aren't you really happy
|
||
now? Aren't you just overjoyed that our government does this kind of thing?
|
||
|
||
Ain't life grand?
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
|
||
"Hereditary bondsmen! Know ye not
|
||
Who would be free themselves must strike the blow?"
|
||
-- Lord Byron
|
||
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND
|
||
RECLAiMiNG OUR iDOLS -- THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGiANCE
|
||
by Crux Ansata
|
||
|
||
The words came out devoid of meaning or emotion or
|
||
inflection, as if the voices from which they issued were
|
||
barely human. But then, emotion was not demanded or even
|
||
desired. Rote recitation was good enough; the object was
|
||
compliance, not belief. The goal was to breed the habit
|
||
of not caring. Insincerity was expected and not punished.
|
||
The game was far subtler than that.
|
||
-- Amerika by Brauna E. Pouns
|
||
|
||
The preceding quote does not refer to the American Pledge of Allegiance,
|
||
though it could. Today, the Pledge is "said" in schools across the nation,
|
||
but just as in Amerika, the idea is not to foster feeling. Rather, two other
|
||
things are achieved by this rote recitation of the Pledge: submission to the
|
||
command of the teacher and a demeaning of what the Pledge stands for by pre-
|
||
senting it not as a creed but rather as a block.
|
||
|
||
Many of the persons in the schools where the Pledge is required refuse to
|
||
say it. There are a number of reasons for this, and there is nothing wrong
|
||
with it. It is better to refuse to say the Pledge because one disagrees with
|
||
it than it is to say the Pledge despite one's disagreement with it simply to
|
||
submit to the dictates of the school. Nonetheless, in my opinion, this refus-
|
||
al is misplaced, for the Pledge is fundamentally a revolutionary document.
|
||
|
||
As with many of the great revolutionary documents of American history,
|
||
the reactionary forces that rule our nation now have tried to drain all mean-
|
||
ing from the Pledge. Rather than the revolutionary statement it is, it has
|
||
been presented as a pledge of allegiance to the government, rather than to an
|
||
ideal. It is not that, as an analysis of the text will show.
|
||
|
||
"I pledge allegiance to the flag..." To the flag. In the Third Reich,
|
||
citizens pledged their allegiance to Hitler, to a man. The same has held true
|
||
for many nations throughout history: that the pledge of allegiance is to a
|
||
man or to a State. The Pledge, however, makes no such call. Rather, it is a
|
||
pledge to a flag.
|
||
|
||
Is this, then, a pledge to a dead symbol? Not so. The American flag is
|
||
a symbol -- one of great revolutionary significance; but that is another
|
||
essay. Nonetheless, it is not a dead symbol. In ancient Rome, the soldiers
|
||
pledged their allegiance to their standard, but they did not mistake this as
|
||
being a dead symbol. Rather, they took their standards as divine symbols of
|
||
their unit. It was to the unit that they were pledging, and indeed the Pledge
|
||
continues "and to the Republic, for which it stands."
|
||
|
||
Why to a flag, then? Every movement has had its symbols, as a focus. An
|
||
ideal, is of course most desired, but to think of an ideal is near impossible.
|
||
A standard or a focus is necessary, for morale if for nothing else. The
|
||
standard was not carried into battle simply for show or for signaling. Rath-
|
||
er, the standard itself provides a kind of psychic focus by which the people
|
||
can love their ideals through a symbol. Just as a Christian does not worship
|
||
a cross, but rather the Man for whom it stands, so to does an American pledge
|
||
not to a flag, but to the Republic, for which it stands.
|
||
|
||
"... the Republic ..." -- this is an interesting phrase. For, what does
|
||
'Republic' mean? 'Res publica' -- 'the public thing'. This does not, cannot,
|
||
mean a State, except wherein a State serves as 'the thing of the public'. To
|
||
pledge to the Republic does not mean to pledge to the State, but to that thing
|
||
which is of the people -- the ideal nation. Except in modern America, 'Repub-
|
||
lican' throughout time and space has meant one opposed to the tyranny of an
|
||
unjust State. This was true in the early U.S., this is true in Ireland, and
|
||
so on. Interestingly, though, this is the axis upon which much pledge protest
|
||
rotates. The schools have taught for so long that the Republic for which the
|
||
flag stands is the U.S. government that people have begun to believe it. This
|
||
is not entirely true, though, as it is to the ideal that the U.S. attains that
|
||
is the Republic.
|
||
|
||
Anyone who still doubts this need only continue the statement. The
|
||
Pledge itself defines what the Republic for which the flag stands is. It does
|
||
not say "which is the U.S. government," but rather "one nation, under God,
|
||
with liberty and justice for all." Any State wherein there is no liberty and
|
||
justice for all, then, is not the republic for which the flag stands, or so
|
||
says the Pledge. Nor is it any State wherein anyone is oppressed, for we are
|
||
"one nation". As in Ireland, we fight for "a republic, united, boys, and
|
||
real" -- to quote from Black 47's "The Big Fellah".
|
||
|
||
(A parenthetical note should likely be here made about the meaning of the
|
||
"under God" clause, as many have attempted to undermine our nation with such
|
||
smokescreens as allegations of religious insensitivity. This clause was added
|
||
in the fifties -- about twenty years after the Pledge was written -- and means
|
||
simply that we are one nation. Under protests, it has been revised at times
|
||
to say such things as "under the sun", thus demonstrating definitively that
|
||
the intent is not to segregate by religion but to united under the heavens.
|
||
It should tell one a lot about the true goals of the American Atheists and
|
||
others who refused to accept even this revision. But even were it to mean
|
||
literally what it appears to, what God would this mean? Likely, it would be
|
||
the so-called Nature's God in which the generation of the Revolution believed.
|
||
This would not be a sectarian God, but was rather their catch phrase for the
|
||
interrelatedness of the universe, and so here God means about what Bucky
|
||
Fuller would mean by Universe. "One nation, under God," then, expands out to
|
||
"one nation, as it is meant to be under the divine laws that set the universe
|
||
into motion," for we, as Men, are meant to be united, with liberty and justice
|
||
for all.)
|
||
|
||
Far from a simple oath of fealty, then, the Pledge is actually a more
|
||
complex document. The first clause -- "I pledge allegiance" is simply an
|
||
acknowledgement that one is committed to the following, but from there it gets
|
||
more dense. The second clause -- "to the flag of the United States of Ameri-
|
||
ca, and to the Republic for which it stands" -- defines to what allegiance is
|
||
being sworn, and establishes that it is not to the nation that allegiance is
|
||
being pledged but rather to the flag and goals of that nation, the Republic
|
||
for which the United States itself stands. The final clause -- "one nation,
|
||
under God, with liberty and justice for all" -- defines the American Dream.
|
||
In this pledge, the taker agrees to struggle to equality and freedom for all
|
||
oppressed persons, a truly revolutionary sentiment.
|
||
|
||
Clavell, in his short The Children's Story, warned what happens when the
|
||
people permit the schools to teach children disdain for the revolutionary
|
||
symbols and creeds of the past. Those of us with a knowledge of history,
|
||
however, must take back our idols. Perhaps we will one day have reclaimed our
|
||
children and our roots, and then we can finally say with the guerrilla in
|
||
Larry Kirwan's Days of Rage:
|
||
|
||
Give me liberty or give me death! Nothin's ever
|
||
goin' to be the same again! No more beggin' for civil
|
||
rights. No more, "hell no, we won't go"! Tonight we
|
||
fought back and nothin's goin' to stop us now!
|
||
This government murdered my brothers and sisters at
|
||
Kent State. And all because a bunch of kids dared to
|
||
disagree with the "Imperial" foreign policy. That's why
|
||
we brought the war home and that's why those fascists are
|
||
going to think twice, before they invade Cambodia or any
|
||
other country again!
|
||
"I have a dream," the man said, well I have a dream
|
||
too. I'm goin' to bring this country back to a white heat
|
||
and remold it all over again. You can call me a radical
|
||
or a troublemaker, you can even call me crazy. But I'm
|
||
probably more patriotic than you.
|
||
America -- love it or leave it! Well, I'm an
|
||
American too and I'm not going anywhere, until that flag,
|
||
once more, becomes a symbol of beauty and truth to all the
|
||
oppressed peoples of the world.
|
||
When I was a child I used to love to pledge
|
||
allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and
|
||
to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God,
|
||
indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
|
||
"While men are gazing up to Heavan, imagining after a happiness, or fearing a
|
||
Hell after they are dead, their eyes are put out, that they see now what is
|
||
their birthright."
|
||
--Gerrard Winstanley
|
||
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
ADiDAS' TRiBUTE TO HiSTORY -- HENRY MONTH
|
||
by Adidas
|
||
|
||
Tribute to The Man With A Voice:
|
||
|
||
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
|
||
Patrick Henry
|
||
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
|
||
|
||
"Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains
|
||
and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take
|
||
but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!"
|
||
|
||
|
||
That is an exert from Patrick Henry's most famous speech. He
|
||
delivered this speech on March 23, 1775 in front of the Virgina Provincial
|
||
Convention. While written records of the speech were never made, the entire
|
||
speech was printed in a biography of Patrick Henry by a William Wirt. He
|
||
relied mostly on accounts of people who heard the speech.
|
||
|
||
Patrick Henry was born in Hanover County in Virgina. Henry studied
|
||
law and received his license to practice in 1760. He won some fame in a
|
||
lawsuit called "the Parson's Cause." Patrick Henry was elected to the
|
||
Virgina House of Burgesses in 1764. In 1765 he spoke out against the Stamp
|
||
Act*(Footnote 1), in his speech according to tradition, these are the often
|
||
quoted words: "Caesar had his Brutus--Charles the First, his Cromwell--and
|
||
George the Third--may profit by their example. If this be treason, make the
|
||
most of it."
|
||
|
||
Henry was elected as a delegate to the First Continental Congress in
|
||
August of 1774. He was also a member of the Second Continental Congress for
|
||
a short while in 1775. After that he was a commander in chief of Virginia's
|
||
military forces, he then resigned in February 1776. A few months after that,
|
||
he was chosen to help draw up the first constitution of the commonwealth of
|
||
Virginia.
|
||
|
||
Henry became the governor of the new commonwealth of Virginia when it
|
||
was established in 1776. He moved to the palace at Williamsburg (where
|
||
English colonial governors had once lived). He referred to the voters as
|
||
"fellow citizens", and through this showed his strong feeling of democracy.
|
||
The Revolutionary War brought several problems to Virginia, and Patrick Henry
|
||
worked to help fix these. He recruited 6,000 men for the Continental Army*,
|
||
and he got 5,000 soldiers for the state militia. Henry encouraged mining lead
|
||
to increase the ammunition supply, he also imported and manufactured
|
||
gunpowder. He also set up shipyards and dockyards to protect the coast of
|
||
Virginia. Even with all of his hard work, Henry was criticized, yet with all
|
||
of this he was elected governor in 1777, 1778, 1784, and 1785 (During his
|
||
second term, Henry helped the George Rogers Clark expedition by providing
|
||
supplies).
|
||
|
||
In 1788 Henry returned to Law practice because his public services had
|
||
left him horribly in debt. Because of his fame as a brilliant speaker, he got
|
||
many clients and became a successful criminal lawyer. His law fees helped him
|
||
by allowing him to buy land, and in 1794 he retired to his estate near
|
||
Appomattox, Virgina.
|
||
|
||
During the next five or so years Henry received many requests to
|
||
return to public life, but he refused them. He was offered a seat in the US
|
||
Senate, posts as a minister to Spain and France, a place in Washington's
|
||
Cabinet as Secretary of State, and the position of Chief Justice of the
|
||
United States. In 1796 Henry was elected governor again, for the sixth time,
|
||
but he refused the position.
|
||
|
||
Finally Washington was able to persuade Henry to become a candidate
|
||
for representative in the Virginia state legislature. Henry made his final,
|
||
great speech during this campaign, the speech was a denial of a state's right
|
||
to decide the constitutionality of federal laws.
|
||
|
||
Heres Henry's Final Speech
|
||
to the Voters
|
||
|
||
"United we stand, divided we fall. Let us not split into fractions which
|
||
must destroy that union upon which our existence hangs."
|
||
|
||
-- While Henry did win the election, he died before he could take it.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
Historical Quickie - As you may no Henry VII was the King of England who
|
||
is famous for denying the Roman Catholic Church, and for having six wives.
|
||
You may also know that he had so many wives because he wanted a son, and
|
||
he didn't get one from all of his wives, he either had them executed or
|
||
divorced. What you may NOT know is that it was not the fault of his wives,
|
||
but the fault of Henry himself, he didn't have the correct chromosomes to
|
||
have a son.
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
|
||
"Despotism has passed from the palaces of the kings to the circle of a
|
||
committee. It is neither the royal robes nor the scepter nor the crown that
|
||
makes kings hated, but ambition and tyranny. In my country, there has only
|
||
been a change in dress."
|
||
--Jean Varlet, _Explosion_, 1793
|
||
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
ON NAIVETE IN FICTION,
|
||
or
|
||
THE POWER OF FORREST GUMP, PART 2
|
||
by I Wish My Name Were Nathan
|
||
|
||
As a writer, I see amazing potential in emulating Forrest Gump. His
|
||
naivete is the gift every writer searches for, the ability to see life and the
|
||
world around without prejudice.
|
||
|
||
In reading reviews of "Forrest Gump", I've realized that several
|
||
reviewers simply do not understand the point of the movie. They cannot fathom
|
||
what is so endearing about a retarded man who frequently misses the point
|
||
about what's going on in his country during the 60's and 70's.
|
||
|
||
It is obvious to a writer what endears him to Forrest: He misses the
|
||
point. The struggle for civil rights, the Vietnam War, Watergate -- Forrest
|
||
isn't worried about the far-reaching social and political implications. Such
|
||
a word as "implication" doesn't enter his vocabulary. He is blessedly naive.
|
||
This is a gift.
|
||
|
||
For a short-story fiction writer, there is a small range of topics on
|
||
which to write: sex, death, science, and politics. And humor if you're good.
|
||
It's a short list, but it clearly includes the whole of humanity: politics
|
||
includes religion, money, and sin, for example. Sex may include love, but not
|
||
usually. And gay themes include all these topics; humor if you're optimistic.
|
||
|
||
Take a look at that last paragraph again. Do you feel it belongs in this
|
||
essay about naivete in writing? Certainly it does. Obviously, the lists and
|
||
the connections I've made reveal that I'm far from naive. But I appear to be
|
||
a competent writer. So how does naivete come into the picture? How can it be
|
||
achieved?
|
||
|
||
Naivete in writing is the ability to sit down and write without censoring
|
||
yourself, without prejudging your characters and plots, without doubting the
|
||
validity of your work. It is restraining yourself from deleting "happy"
|
||
themes, from only creating characters as intelligent and worried as you are,
|
||
from rewriting plots which "obviously" wouldn't happen in the real world.
|
||
|
||
An ordinary writer struggling to achieve naivete often finds that he
|
||
groans whenever a character is idealistic, because, hell, where is there
|
||
reason to be idealistic today? People are losing their faith and morality at
|
||
an alarming rate. They're still killing the rain forests. The Zapatistas and
|
||
Chechens face uphill revolutions. The Republicans control the House.
|
||
Political and social doom are imminent. Millennialism will only make religious
|
||
fervor worse. Good enough reasons for any idealistic character's future to
|
||
seem bleak, huh?
|
||
|
||
In thinking up my story, "Joseph Tries Something New", I had the premise
|
||
that I'd write about a naive character in college. Certainly I felt some
|
||
measure of success when I left off after Joe got a haircut. But the deadline
|
||
for that issue came, my piece wasn't finished, so I attached a normal ending
|
||
for when I'm feeling decidedly non-naive: failure -- in this case, the failure
|
||
of Joseph's idealism and wish to become non-conformist. At the second
|
||
sitting, I had no intent in making Joseph naive anymore, for doing so would
|
||
have required that I be feeling naive. My sociopolitical consciousness was
|
||
raging that day, and it clearly shows in the character's demise.
|
||
|
||
For a writer to be naive, he must be consciously naive, which is
|
||
apparently a paradox. And it is. A good writer has good knowledge about what
|
||
he writes; after all, you can only write what you know. Naivete doesn't mean
|
||
writing about what you don't know, however.
|
||
|
||
Look back over the stories or poetry of children, for example. It teems
|
||
in naivete, but reeks of lack of knowledge. However soul-crushing it may be,
|
||
to write naively and well requires intimate knowledge of the workings of the
|
||
world. Naivete in writing requires personal detachment from the subject
|
||
matter. Sociopolitical consciousness must go out the window; however, the
|
||
knowledge must remain. Deadlines, egos, six-page quotas, and all other
|
||
hindrances of real life must be put on hold.
|
||
|
||
I see Forrest Gump as an analogue to a naive writer. While the plot of
|
||
the movie and the book are quite fantastic, considering the realistic life of
|
||
a mentally retarded person (more of that non-naive sociopolitical
|
||
consciousness leaking in), the manner in which Forrest explores his world,
|
||
interacts with people, and accepts his current situation in life are directly
|
||
analogous to the desired naivete the writer wishes to achieve while creating a
|
||
piece of fiction.
|
||
|
||
Conscious actions such as character and plot development must be
|
||
constantly going on in the author's mind, but none of this thought process can
|
||
appear in the dialogue or actions of the characters. Blatant foreshadowing,
|
||
especially of doom, is out. Inexplicable plot twists, caused by the author's
|
||
sighed proclamation, "It's bound to happen", is out.
|
||
|
||
Along this line, writing for an audience is strictly illegal. This seems
|
||
to go directly against the advice drilled into our heads by our loving grade-
|
||
school English teachers. Their advice is valid for essays, persuasive pieces,
|
||
and pieces of non-fiction, but for fiction, aiming for an audience is usually
|
||
fatal to the hopes of achieving naivete. Writing specifically for SoB readers
|
||
who use iSiS UNVEiLED and love playing Cyberspace -- unless the idea is
|
||
extremely clever -- will simply result in a pigeonholed and contrived piece of
|
||
writing which begs for mercy and receives none.
|
||
|
||
Naive writing does not mean that the story itself must be simplistic and
|
||
naive. In fact, the most enjoyable part about reading good fiction is finding
|
||
that there are several levels of thought beneath the printed-word exterior.
|
||
Certainly, deep thoughts can be found in ordinary fiction. When the fiction
|
||
is naive, however, finding these thoughts is much more enjoyable.
|
||
|
||
When naivete in fiction is achieved, whether accidentally or through
|
||
concentrated effort, it is readily apparent. The piece will be read again and
|
||
again, even by the author (the type of person is notorious for wanting to
|
||
forget bad writing, especially his own). When such a piece of naive fiction
|
||
emerges from an author's whirling mind and exhausted fingers, it is a miracle
|
||
-- but a miracle which is achievable and repeatable. As Forrest Gump would
|
||
say, "Holy shit, this is good!"
|
||
|
||
Happy writing.
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
|
||
"Where are those who will come to serve the masses -- not to utilize them for
|
||
their own ambitions?"
|
||
--Peter Kropotkin
|
||
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
SATANiSM AND DECADENCE iN P<>R LAGERKViST'S THE DWARF
|
||
by Crux Ansata
|
||
|
||
"The point is," Des Hermies was always telling him, "that
|
||
there is a basic difference between you and the other
|
||
realists, and no patched-up alliance could possibly be of
|
||
long duration. You execrate the age and they worship it.
|
||
There is the whole matter. You were fated some day to get
|
||
away from this Americanized art and attempt to create
|
||
something less vulgar, less miserably commonplace, and
|
||
infuse a little spirituality into it.
|
||
"In all your books you have fallen on our fin de
|
||
si<73>cle -- our queue du si<73>cle -- tooth and nail. But,
|
||
Lord! a man soon gets tired of whacking something that
|
||
doesn't fight back but merely goes on its own way
|
||
repeating its offenses. You needed to escape into another
|
||
epoch and get your bearings while waiting for a congenial
|
||
subject to present itself."
|
||
L<>-Bas, page 21
|
||
|
||
So Des Hermies diagnoses Durtal, fictional writer and literary alter ego
|
||
of the decadent author Joris-Karl Huysmans. Indeed, the decadent author is
|
||
frequently a man out of time, and frequently turns to the Middle Ages as a
|
||
time more attuned to them. Even in the novel set contemporary to its writing,
|
||
A Rebours, Huysmans says:
|
||
|
||
The fact is that when the period in which a man of talent
|
||
is condemned to live is dull and stupid, the artist is
|
||
haunted, perhaps unknown to himself, by a nostalgic
|
||
yearning for another age.
|
||
A Rebours, page 181
|
||
|
||
While by no means exclusive among decadents -- frequently they turn within, as
|
||
Huysmans himself in A Rebours, or even to another world, as the quasi-decadent
|
||
Dostoevsky in "The Dream of a Ridiculous Man" -- the turn is often back in
|
||
time to the Middle Ages, as was done in L<>-Bas. In a genre so obsessed with
|
||
escapism and with a wish to escape one's time, it is appropriate that many
|
||
authors outside the time of the fin de si<73>cle may have expressed decadence in
|
||
their work. Poe, for example, was a decadent before the decadents, and
|
||
Dostoevsky after. Lagerkvist, especially in The Dwarf, is such an author too;
|
||
a decadent out of time. As Huysmans' Durtal says himself, "In the Beyond all
|
||
things touch" (L<>-Bas, page 52).
|
||
|
||
It would first be beneficial to define what exactly we mean by a
|
||
"decadent novel." The premier decadent novel would be A Rebours (by
|
||
Joris-Karl Huysmans), although other novels have demonstrated decadent traits,
|
||
such as L<>-Bas (also by Huysmans), The Picture of Dorian Gray (by Oscar
|
||
Wilde), and, it may be argued, The Dwarf (by P<>r Lagerkvist). The decadent
|
||
novel is notable in a number of points. First, stylistically, the decadent
|
||
novel at its purest has no real storyline. The focus rests more on the
|
||
interior of the characters than on the exterior of the plot. The importance
|
||
of the story is in how the events affect the protagonist, not how the
|
||
protagonist affects the events. Second, thematically the decadent novel
|
||
cultivates the artificial and the evil in man and the world. That which would
|
||
normally be called deviant or aberrant is, in the decadent genre, instead
|
||
elevated and focussed upon, without ever really justifying. Finally, a note
|
||
should be made on the effects of the decadent school on the authors, or
|
||
perhaps simply an overview of the mutual relation between the decadent author
|
||
and the decadent work.
|
||
|
||
Lovecraft wrote that the weird tale should not extend past the short
|
||
story, as it is almost impossible to preserve the tone for that length, both
|
||
for the writer and the reader. For the decadent, this is even more vital as
|
||
the entire focus of the tale tends towards introspection. For this reason,
|
||
the most perfect examples of prose decadence have been prose poems, especially
|
||
those written by Baudelaire. The decadent writer does not simply describe
|
||
events. Rather, as was said of Baudelaire,
|
||
|
||
He roams through the entire luxuriant world of the senses
|
||
in order to know himself better and to analyze more
|
||
completely his own shortcomings. The sense of solitude is
|
||
ever within him -- but not in the blurred, misty manner so
|
||
characteristic of the Romantics.
|
||
Bernstein, page xv
|
||
|
||
The decadent novel, though, has been attempted, such as in the aforementioned
|
||
case of A Rebours. The decadent novel, in its preservation of tone and theme,
|
||
ends up reading almost as a collection of prose poems, related by the narrator
|
||
and to an extend the plot. Although the technical decadent works were in the
|
||
third person typical of fin de si<73>cle France, the journal is perhaps a
|
||
superior structure for a decadent novel, and it is this structure that
|
||
Lagerkvist's The Dwarf uses.
|
||
|
||
Dispensing with the general structure of the third person novel, The
|
||
Dwarf tells his story in an introspective first person where every event that
|
||
occurs -- whether to him, or to the Prince, or to the kingdom -- is perceived
|
||
not in the manner of that event alone, but in the perspective of that event in
|
||
relation to the dwarf. Through this manner, Lagerkvist manages to preserve
|
||
the flow of plot while still focussing entirely on the introspection of the
|
||
protagonist. Thus, Princess Teodora -- perhaps the only character to ever be
|
||
redeemed -- is not a princess to the dwarf. "She is a whore. A whore in the
|
||
bed of a magnificent prince." (The Dwarf, page 9) Don Riccardo, who has an
|
||
affair with the dwarf's obsession, the Princess, is not the hero others see.
|
||
Rather, "I do not for one moment believe in his courage. He is an intolerable
|
||
braggart -- that's what he is!" (The Dwarf, page 88)
|
||
|
||
Every character, every event, is presented not in the light of what
|
||
occurs, nor even in the light of the dwarf's perception of that which occurs,
|
||
but rather each event is presented as it affects the dwarf.
|
||
|
||
Thematically, the dwarf is rich with decadent themes. The focus on the
|
||
evil of the world, as presented through one ugly in his body as he is in his
|
||
mind; the focus on religion, both orthodox and heterodox; and the near-worship
|
||
of the woman, despite the implications of homosexuality. All these themes are
|
||
important in decadent works, and all are present in Lagerkvist's The Dwarf.
|
||
|
||
Influenced by the Romantic school as well as the current sciences of the
|
||
time, the decadent school focused on the physical manifestations of evil, and
|
||
the affect of insanity on mind and body. The protagonist of the ultimate
|
||
decadent novel, des Esseintes of A Rebours, is described in this vein as:
|
||
|
||
a frail young man of thirty who was anaemic and highly
|
||
strung, with hollow cheeks, cold eyes of steely blue, a
|
||
nose which was turned up but straight, and thin, papery
|
||
hands.
|
||
A Rebours, page 17
|
||
|
||
He is a weak man, of will as well as body, as the result of generations of
|
||
inbreeding and weak heredity. In a similar manner, the dwarf describes
|
||
himself as follows:
|
||
|
||
I mentioned that my face was exactly like that of other
|
||
men. That is not quite accurate, for it is very lined,
|
||
covered with wrinkles. I do not look upon this as a
|
||
blemish. I am made that way and I cannot help it if
|
||
others are not. It shows me as I really am, unbeautified
|
||
and undistorted. Maybe it was not meant to be like that,
|
||
but that is exactly as I want to look.
|
||
The wrinkles make me look very old. I am not, but I
|
||
have heard tell that we dwarves are descended from a race
|
||
older than that which now populates the world, and
|
||
therefore we are old as soon as we are born.
|
||
The Dwarf, page 6
|
||
|
||
Once again, the character is deformed to match his evil. Although he does not
|
||
state the evil as such, nor even his deformity, he accepts that "[m]aybe it
|
||
was not meant to be like that," but "[i]t shows me as I really am". Once
|
||
again, the responsibility is laid, rather vaguely, as the result of weak
|
||
ancestry. A point worthy of note is his refusal to address himself as evil,
|
||
or even deformed, per se. Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray is an
|
||
apparent exception to this stress of evil reflected on the body as the soul --
|
||
monstrum facia, monstrum anima -- insofar as the evil protagonist appears good
|
||
through almost the entirety of the text. Nonetheless, the essence of the book
|
||
is purely decadent, and when the magical shield is removed the visage of Mr.
|
||
Gray accepts all the ugliness of his soul.
|
||
|
||
The dwarf's bias on this fact, though, is illuminated by examination of
|
||
another example of the portrayal of the soul through the canvas of the body:
|
||
Princess Teodora. From her first introduction, the dwarf is at pains to
|
||
describe her;
|
||
|
||
She is no longer young, her breasts sag as she lies in the
|
||
bed, playing with her jewels and taking them out of the
|
||
casket proffered by her handmaid. I cannot understand how
|
||
anyone can love her. She has nothing which a man could
|
||
find desirable. One can only see that once upon a time
|
||
she was utterly beautiful.
|
||
... She is a whore. A whore in the bed of a
|
||
magnificent prince. Her whole life is love which, like
|
||
her jewels, she lets trickle through her fingers, while
|
||
she lies smiling vaguely as she sees it run away between
|
||
them.
|
||
... I hate her, I want to see her burning in the
|
||
fires of hell.
|
||
The Dwarf, page 9
|
||
|
||
Why does he denigrate her so? One may be tempted to attribute it to a block
|
||
between the dwarf and the "magnificent prince", except that she and the prince
|
||
have so little to do with each other. Perhaps it has something to do with the
|
||
fact that, "I hate all her lovers. I have wanted to fling myself upon every
|
||
one of them and pierce them with my dagger to see their blood flow." (The
|
||
Dwarf, page 8) Perhaps he is jealous, though not of Teodora. After her
|
||
redemption we can better contrast the dwarf's opinions with those of the rest
|
||
of the court. Anselmo relates:
|
||
|
||
The Prince sat faithfully by her bed all day long watching
|
||
her face become more and more transparent and what the
|
||
court described as spiritualized. As though he had seen
|
||
her himself, Anselmo maintained that she became as lovely
|
||
as a madonna. I who really did see her knew how much
|
||
truth there was in that.
|
||
The Dwarf, page 219
|
||
|
||
Later, Anselmo relates:
|
||
|
||
Bernardo was painting a Madonna with the features of the
|
||
Princess. The Prince and the whole court were very
|
||
absorbed in the work and greatly pleased with it.
|
||
The Dwarf, page 223
|
||
|
||
Even then, the dwarf almost always speaks of the painting where the Princess
|
||
is depicted as a "whore" when he speaks of the Madonna. The dwarf chooses not
|
||
to see -- or accept what can be seen, as he never sees the Princess after her
|
||
death -- the Princess as anything other than a whore, and in the same way he
|
||
chooses not to see the evil in himself. Nonetheless, the actions of the court
|
||
do demonstrate that, once redeemed, the Princess becomes beautiful once more.
|
||
|
||
But the dwarf is not of a mind to recognize this redemption, and what
|
||
form does it take? In one of the more striking religious segments of the
|
||
novel, the dwarf visits punishment upon the Princess for many days following
|
||
the death of her paramour, Don Riccardo. No other character is demonstrated
|
||
to go through such a transformation as the Princess does in the following
|
||
sections. Indeed, no other character is presented as good. The Prince is
|
||
presented in exalted terms, not as one who is good, but rather as one who is
|
||
difficult to understand. Boccarossa is presented as exalted, and the dwarf
|
||
even says that he could love Boccarossa. Nonetheless, Boccarossa is never
|
||
presented as good, and the "love" between the dwarf and Boccarossa seems more
|
||
on the level of respect or camaraderie, feelings which he refuses to harbor for
|
||
those women with whom he comes into contact. With the Princess he is jealous
|
||
of her lovers. With the Prince's mistress, Fiammetta, and daughter, Angelica,
|
||
the dwarf is simply repulsed by their sexual activities, belying more a
|
||
sublimation of heterosexuality than an exaltation of homosexuality. Just as
|
||
the decadents -- such as in Baudelaire's "Femmes Damn<6D>es" -- Lagerkvist
|
||
presents surface homosexuality that ends up presenting a very different view.
|
||
|
||
The treatment of the Princess, though, is along different lines than
|
||
simply a sublimated love. The Princess, when the story opens, has prostituted
|
||
herself "in the bed of a magnificent prince." Whatever the dwarf's feelings
|
||
towards her, and whether his motive is justice or jealousy, he opposes this
|
||
action and sets himself up as avenging angel. In decadent literature, women
|
||
are sometimes redeemed, such as in Baudelaire's "La Fanfarlo", but men never
|
||
are. Here, too, the woman is redeemed, though she herself -- rather than
|
||
Baudelaire's men -- must suffer for it. This is also an element in The
|
||
Picture of Dorian Gray, where Wilde states:
|
||
|
||
Better for him that each sin of his life had brought its
|
||
swift, sure penalty along with it. There was purification
|
||
in punishment. Not "Forgive us our sins," but "Smite us
|
||
for our iniquities" should be the prayer of a man to a
|
||
most just God.
|
||
Wilde, page 244
|
||
|
||
By the end of the tragedy Mr. Gray realizes the power of redemptive suffering,
|
||
but nonetheless he cannot be redeemed. The suffering of his sins destroy him.
|
||
|
||
In the religious nature of the Princess' redemption is seen a form of
|
||
combat between good and evil, an intensified version of the balance, sometimes
|
||
of tension and sometimes of conflict, which typifies the interaction between
|
||
good and evil in decadent literature, including The Dwarf. The Satanism of
|
||
decadence is by no means the "religion" Satanism as it is understood today.
|
||
The Satanism today is a-theistic -- in the sense of holding God as irrelevant
|
||
-- and egocentric, holding the ego to be important to an extent that a
|
||
decadent would see as aesthetically displeasing. As such, in Satanism, the
|
||
balance is as irrelevant as God while in decadent Satanism, the focus is on
|
||
the beauty of evil as can only be seen in comparison with the beauty of good,
|
||
both being artificial aesthetics. Modern Satanism is a "religion" of nature.
|
||
Decadence, and decadent Satanism, is a cult of artificial beauty.
|
||
|
||
It is on this background that the Black Mass, le messe noir, is
|
||
performed. Although it is yet performed by Satanists today, LaVey, founder of
|
||
the Church of Satan, belittles it as "the original psychodrama," and says of
|
||
its performers:
|
||
|
||
Although the Black Mass is a ritual that has been
|
||
performed countless times, the participants often were not
|
||
Satanists, but would act solely on the idea that anything
|
||
contradictory to God must be of the Devil.
|
||
LaVey, page 31
|
||
|
||
Those participants who were not Satanists are said to have included the likes
|
||
of Huysmans himself, and undoubtedly include the characters in such novels as
|
||
L<EFBFBD>-Bas and The Dwarf, the latter of which describes its messe noir on pages 26
|
||
and 27, where it is said not to be meant as blasphemy, but rather is presented
|
||
as a comparison, a tension, against the religion of the fully formed. In The
|
||
Dwarf, in L<>-Bas, in the decadent novel in general the Black Mass is not a
|
||
blasphemy, as it would be in a heterodox religion, but a conflict of the
|
||
aesthetic. It is another artificiality to contrast against the "normal"
|
||
artificiality.
|
||
|
||
The Black Mass is not the only Satanic thread, either in The Dwarf or in
|
||
other decadent works. In Lagerkvist specifically, the inversion of religion
|
||
where the dwarf himself is presented as personal savior to the Princess, as a
|
||
substitute for her priest, and through him her Christ, seems as blasphemous on
|
||
the surface as was his presentation of himself as Celebrant at the Black Mass.
|
||
As the Bible says, though, he is known through his fruits. The dwarf presents
|
||
himself as scourging savior, and though his intervention the Princess indeed
|
||
is redeemed, at least in the eyes of the villagers and court. In a manner of
|
||
speaking, the dwarf is "crucified" for his works, but rather his imprisonment
|
||
is more aligned to that of Paul's or the early Church in general. To any
|
||
extent, he presents himself as an evil and through this tension good comes
|
||
about in the truest manner of decadent artificiality and good-evil balance.
|
||
|
||
A note should be made, too, of the relation of the lives of the decadent
|
||
authors in relation to their creation, too. It has been said that decadence
|
||
could never have arisen outside a Catholic country, for Catholicism alone
|
||
presents the necessary idealistic philosophy that an idealist artificiality
|
||
could be presented against. Although this is true of the French decadents --
|
||
Baudelaire considered himself an incurable, though permanently lapsed,
|
||
Catholic, and Verlaine constantly vacillated between worshiping in the
|
||
cathedral and at the absinthe bar -- the idealist philosophical system seems
|
||
to have been possible among certain severe Protestant denominations after the
|
||
initial flame had been lit. Crowley, considered to be a passable author but
|
||
the most steadfast of the British decadents, came from a Christian Science
|
||
background, and Lagerkvist came from a strict Protestant sect. Whatever the
|
||
starting point, a religious foundation of set ideals would seem to have been
|
||
a necessity.
|
||
|
||
It has also been said that the only two possible routes for a decadent
|
||
end either at the foot of the cross or the suicide's noose. Although not
|
||
entirely true, as Rimbaud demonstrated by simply leaving literature entirely
|
||
and others have achieved by finding another ideal to lean religiously on -- to
|
||
take as their own magical picture-shield as Dorian did, for several of the
|
||
most important decadents it was true. Huysmans followed in the footsteps of
|
||
his own Satanist character in that he left decadence and the Satanism he was
|
||
said to have practiced to eventually enter a monastery. The quasi-decadent
|
||
Dostoevsky, while not going so far, did have his confidence in the material
|
||
world broken rather early, and, by the end of his life, when the likes of "The
|
||
Dream of a Ridiculous Man" was written, had come to believe that redemption in
|
||
this world is only possible, if it is possible, through the bearing of the
|
||
cross. MacAndrew sums it up in saying:
|
||
|
||
Dostoevsky, after he had renounced the possibility of an
|
||
ideal social organization, felt (it was a feeling rather
|
||
than an idea) that the whole point of life is redemption
|
||
through suffering and love, which is a very Christian
|
||
approach indeed.
|
||
MacAndrew, page 233
|
||
|
||
Lagerkvist was to take a similar path, beginning in a firm Protestant
|
||
community, passing through the decadence of The Dwarf, but he was eventually
|
||
to end in the trust of religion once more, and his greatest work was Barabbas.
|
||
|
||
In all these ways, then, The Dwarf is indeed a decadent novel.
|
||
Stylistically, The Dwarf follows the introspective pattern of Huysmans and the
|
||
decadent novelists, in content The Dwarf tells of Satanism; artificiality; and
|
||
redemption of the woman, who is presented in a manner almost to be worshiped,
|
||
even if the main character himself does not admit as much. Even in biography
|
||
Lagerkvist suits himself to be considered a member of the school of decadence,
|
||
if not temporally, then by every other qualification.
|
||
|
||
Sources Quoted
|
||
|
||
Bernstein, Joseph M. Introduction. Baudelaire, Rimbaud, Verlaine: Selected
|
||
Verse and Prose Poems. New York: Citadel, 1993.
|
||
|
||
Huysmans, Joris-Karl. Against Nature. Trans. Robert Baldick. New York:
|
||
Penguin, 1959.
|
||
|
||
---. L<>-Bas. Trans. Keene Wallace. New York: Dover, 1972.
|
||
|
||
Lagerkvist, P<>r. The Dwarf. Trans. Alexandra Dick. New York: The Noonday
|
||
Press, 1988.
|
||
|
||
LaVey, Anton Szandor. The Satanic Rituals. New York: Avon, 1972.
|
||
|
||
MacAndrew, Andrew R. Afterward. Notes From Underground. By Fyodor Dostoev-
|
||
sky. New York: Signet, 1961.
|
||
|
||
Wilde, Oscar. The Picture of Dorian Gray. USA: Random House, n.d.
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
|
||
[=- POETRiE -=]
|
||
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
THE CHiCKEN-HAWK SWOOPS
|
||
by Not Myself
|
||
|
||
To lie, to cheat, to steal is
|
||
damnable
|
||
sinful
|
||
forgivable
|
||
Cum cum concentrate dammit
|
||
Arson, murder, rampaging
|
||
just human nature
|
||
never a condemnation
|
||
always a second chance
|
||
Yank the shaft like a springtime flower
|
||
there's duck butter on your chin
|
||
Brief ejaculatory satisfaction
|
||
|
||
Hair, hair
|
||
long
|
||
long hair
|
||
Blurry blinders
|
||
My eyes see only the future
|
||
Give no second thought
|
||
To what has passed
|
||
|
||
I can see them out my window
|
||
I watch them run play laugh
|
||
Free unselfconscious laughter
|
||
What did I never have
|
||
|
||
I am torn up
|
||
They mend me
|
||
I'm in them
|
||
They are torn apart
|
||
|
||
In God's eyes everyone is equal
|
||
Everyone can be saved
|
||
Jesus extends his loving arms for all
|
||
In front of my feet is a line in the sand
|
||
|
||
Time passes too slow
|
||
Beer is for the depression
|
||
Everclear is for the hopes
|
||
to drown them
|
||
|
||
My ship is sinking
|
||
Kids and children first
|
||
Leave the others
|
||
Kill me
|
||
Kill me.
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
|
||
[=- FiCTiON -=]
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|
||
|
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--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
THE STORYTELLER -- Part I
|
||
by Kilgore Trout
|
||
|
||
We are both storytellers, you and I. You have your stories, and I have
|
||
mine. Being human, we are members of the only species known to exist that can
|
||
bring to life that which does not actually occur in reality. It is a
|
||
wonderful process that allows us access to experiences not normally
|
||
obtainable. Along with this positive function comes a downfall, though. For
|
||
in being excellent storytellers and well-rooted in the expos<6F> of fiction, we
|
||
also become experts in deceit and falsehoods.
|
||
|
||
This is one of my stories. Yours will no doubt come at a later time.
|
||
But for now, listen to what I have to say. My story is not a story in the
|
||
truest sense of the word because it is based on fact. I lived the events you
|
||
are about to experience. However, all of the other qualities it possesses
|
||
exemplify it as being a story. Treachery and dishonesty are especially
|
||
emphasized, as they unfortunately go hand in hand with everyday life.
|
||
|
||
Do not look for a moral or some kind of message that you think I might be
|
||
trying to convey. There is none. Immerse yourself in the visceral aspects of
|
||
the story -- I am here to entertain, not philosophize. So now follows a
|
||
story. I hope you appreciate my efforts, and there is only one thing that I
|
||
ask of you.
|
||
|
||
Imagine.
|
||
|
||
* * * * *
|
||
|
||
The coffee tasted bitter, but it was piping hot, and I needed the jolt of
|
||
caffeine to wake me up. Jay was late to pick me up, as usual. I put the mug
|
||
on the table and flipped on a switch on the portable black-and-white
|
||
television sitting on the counter. The TV buzzed, and the screen rolled a few
|
||
times before steadying itself. The latest news was relayed by an overpaid
|
||
anchorwoman who needed a few more diction lessons before she'd ever have a
|
||
chance to get a spot with the evening news. She read the latest accounts of
|
||
rebel activity in Mexico and Russia off the teleprompter very badly. I never
|
||
understood why the revolutionaries were made to look like criminals. They
|
||
were doing exactly what we had done to the British two hundred years ago, and
|
||
no one thinks that was a bad thing.
|
||
|
||
The doorbell chimed a few hurried tones. I turned off the TV, grabbed my
|
||
briefcase and went outside. Jay was standing there, panting.
|
||
|
||
"Sorry I'm late," he said. "I was over at Liz's last night and had to go
|
||
home to shower and change."
|
||
|
||
I gave him a wry smile. "Pleasure before business was always your motto,
|
||
Jay."
|
||
|
||
"You oughta try it sometime, Nathan. Might get you out of the house every
|
||
now and then."
|
||
|
||
"Yeah, I'm just *so* spontaneous," I joked. "Come on. We better get
|
||
moving or Bruder will chew us up"
|
||
|
||
We got into Jay's Ford Bronco and headed to work. Jay ran a few stop
|
||
signs on the way to save time, eliciting numerous honks from other cars and
|
||
allowing us to view the finely manicured cuticles on some of the city's best-
|
||
cared-for middle fingers. After about ten minutes of shortcuts, or as Jay
|
||
called them, "highly efficient transportation passageways," we pulled into the
|
||
office's parking garage.
|
||
|
||
"Lots of meetings today, bud," said Jay as we hopped out of the blazer.
|
||
"Hope you're in the mood for a lot of crap. I hate it when budget revision
|
||
rolls around."
|
||
|
||
"Well, considering how low our profit-margin was last quarter, I'm pretty
|
||
sure there's gonna be a lot of changes made over the next few days. Only
|
||
problem is that the budget is stretched very close to the limit."
|
||
|
||
"Rumor around the office is that they're gonna lay off staff," Jay
|
||
grinned. "Bruder better not lay a hand on Emily. If I lose my secretary, I
|
||
might actually have to do some real work."
|
||
|
||
"Wouldn't that be the end of it all? We better get inside."
|
||
|
||
* * * * *
|
||
|
||
"Nathan." It was Laurie Cox, one of the temps.
|
||
|
||
"Yes, Laurie?"
|
||
|
||
"Mr. Bruder, uh, wants to see you. ASAP."
|
||
|
||
I didn't like the sound of her voice or the glassy look in her eyes.
|
||
|
||
"Did I do something wrong?" I asked. "What is it, Laurie?"
|
||
|
||
"I think you better let the boss explain everything."
|
||
|
||
She blinked a bit too rapidly and walked off. I didn't know what I had
|
||
done, but it must be pretty bad for Laurie not to tell me. We had become
|
||
friends of sorts during the seven months she had been working here. We ate
|
||
lunch together quite a bit and talked every so often, but that was it. After
|
||
all, I was a middle-aged man and Laurie could barely get into bars legally.
|
||
The girl was smart, though, and gutsy. She dropped out of Rhodes College her
|
||
sophomore year when she realized college didn't educate and was only one big
|
||
diploma machine. At least with work she's making money and not racking up a
|
||
big debt.
|
||
|
||
I knocked on the door. The knob turned and Randy Bruder appeared.
|
||
|
||
"Nathan, come in," he said dryly. "Take a seat."
|
||
|
||
Bruder walked behind his huge mahogany desk and sat down as I plopped
|
||
down in a chair in front of him. He looked at me for a moment, clasped his
|
||
hands together, and then rested his chin on them. He sighed.
|
||
|
||
"Now, Nathan, I'm sure you are aware of the financial situation of the
|
||
company."
|
||
|
||
I nodded in the affirmative.
|
||
|
||
"Yes, well, I don't know exactly what Laurie has told you, and I'm sure
|
||
you have heard rumors--"
|
||
|
||
"Sir, wait," I interjected, holding up my hand. "Ms. Cox is one of the
|
||
best temps who has ever worked here. Surely you can't be thinking of firing
|
||
her?"
|
||
|
||
He closed his eyes. "No, Nathan. Laurie's job is in no danger."
|
||
|
||
"That's good to know," I replied. "I've been going over the budget, and
|
||
although it's--"
|
||
|
||
"Wait. Let me finish. You have been a good employee here, and your work
|
||
on the Strauss account was remarkable. But some things have to be done, and
|
||
unfortunately, your position is something we cannot afford to keep."
|
||
|
||
"So I'm fired. Just like that."
|
||
|
||
"I'd say 'laid off' is a better phrase." He sounded too smug.
|
||
|
||
I stood up, feeling the skin on my face heat up. "But I don't understand.
|
||
I've worked here for fifteen years, fresh out of college. I tried to do the
|
||
best I could, put in more overtime than I thought was humanly possible. Can't
|
||
you take that into consideration?"
|
||
|
||
"We have. There is an extra bonus included with your severance pay to
|
||
show our appreciation. I hate to see you go, but what the boys upstairs say
|
||
is final. It's for the good of the company. I know you can understand that."
|
||
|
||
"But we're still turning a profit!" I yelled. "Why cut employees?"
|
||
|
||
His eyes turned cold. "Goodbye, Nathan. I hope you find a new job soon.
|
||
I know there are plenty of companies who would want a man like you. Use me as
|
||
a reference if you'd like."
|
||
|
||
"Like hell I will," I muttered under my breath as I got up and left the
|
||
office. Laurie was standing outside, head hung low.
|
||
|
||
"Thanks for the warning."
|
||
|
||
* * * * *
|
||
|
||
The ringing in my ears turned out to be the telephone. I reached out to
|
||
grab it, fighting the onsetting hangover. The Irish whiskey had knocked me
|
||
out very fast last night.
|
||
|
||
"Hello?" I asked, still not half awake.
|
||
|
||
"Nathan, it's me," Jay said. "Are you okay? You sound drunk."
|
||
|
||
"No, I just woke up. My bedfellow *was* a bottle of whiskey, though, and
|
||
now I have a terrible headache."
|
||
|
||
"Man, Jesus... I can't believe this happened. I'm surprised it slipped
|
||
by me -- I always here about people who are about get canned." He paused.
|
||
"Sorry."
|
||
|
||
"'s alright."
|
||
|
||
"Why didn't you tell me yesterday? I would have taken you home to keep
|
||
you from calling a cab. When Laurie told me, I couldn't believe it."
|
||
|
||
"I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I kinda yelled at Bruder
|
||
when he told me I was getting some extra money to show their appreciation for
|
||
my hard work. Rather would have kept my job."
|
||
|
||
"Bruder's an asshole, and he definitely isn't PR material, but he's just
|
||
taking orders. I hope his ass gets fried when they make more cuts."
|
||
|
||
"Still wouldn't get me a job."
|
||
|
||
"Nope. But it might make you feel better. Listen, tomorrow is Friday,
|
||
so how about me and you go someplace, find a couple of nice girls, and get
|
||
your mind off this?"
|
||
|
||
"Jay, I'm thirty-six years old. I have no job. I'm not exactly dating
|
||
material."
|
||
|
||
"Trust me. We'll have a good time. Do you need anything? Want me to
|
||
pick up something for you on my way home?"
|
||
|
||
"No, I'll be fine here, wallowing in my own self-pity."
|
||
|
||
I tried to laugh but couldn't.
|
||
|
||
"See, you're cracking jokes. Already starting to feel better. If you
|
||
need me, I'll be over at Marilyn's tonight." He gave me the number.
|
||
|
||
"Marilyn? What happened to Elizabeth?"
|
||
|
||
Jay chuckled. "She found out about Trish."
|
||
|
||
* * * * *
|
||
|
||
We had been at the club for about three hours, and the disco music wasn't
|
||
exactly to my likings. I didn't listen to it when I grew up in the seventies,
|
||
and it definitely had no place here now. Jay was off somewhere dancing to
|
||
Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" while I was sitting at a table, nursing my
|
||
beer and feeling way too old. And Jay said I would love this place. A finger
|
||
tapped my shoulder, and I turned around.
|
||
|
||
"What's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?" Laurie asked
|
||
sarcastically.
|
||
|
||
"I'm supposed to be having a good time," I answered. "Don't I look the
|
||
part?"
|
||
|
||
"I think you'd have to be wearing bellbottoms or a leisure suit to
|
||
accomplish that."
|
||
|
||
"Ah, I see. So, is this one of your usual hangouts?"
|
||
|
||
Laurie sat down across from me. Diana Ross started to sing about a love
|
||
hangover.
|
||
|
||
"No," she replied. "Jay told me he was taking you here, and I wanted to
|
||
apologize."
|
||
|
||
"Apologize? If anyone should apologize, it should be me for what I said
|
||
to you."
|
||
|
||
"I should have told you before you went to see Mr. Bruder. It was the
|
||
least I could have done."
|
||
|
||
"Don't worry about it. What's done is done. And forgotten."
|
||
|
||
Jay walked over. "Hey, Nathan," he said, pointing to the dance floor, "I
|
||
think that cute little redhead over there has been eyeing you." He noticed
|
||
Laurie. "Oh, hi. Well, I'll go say hi to her myself then." He turned, ran a
|
||
hand through his black hair and strutted over to the young girl.
|
||
|
||
"What is he?" asked Laurie. "Every female's worst nightmare?"
|
||
|
||
"That depends on who you ask," I explained. "Jay would say he's God's
|
||
gift to womankind, and there are quite a few women who have agreed. That is,
|
||
until they found out about all the other women that agreed with them."
|
||
|
||
Laurie laughed as "YMCA" blared through the speakers. She looked up with
|
||
disgust. I couldn't help but share the feeling.
|
||
|
||
"Who could like the Village People?" she wondered.
|
||
|
||
"Well, from a purely public image standpoint, I'm sure Karl Marx would
|
||
have liked them. A band made up of members of the working class."
|
||
|
||
"What about the Indian? Where does he fit in?"
|
||
|
||
"Laurie, you're supposed to laugh at my jokes, not point out holes in
|
||
them."
|
||
|
||
She rolled her eyes. "Did you realize these songs are being played in
|
||
the exact order as that Sounds of the '70s commercial?"
|
||
|
||
"How the hell do you know that?" I shrugged.
|
||
|
||
"I watch too much television, I guess."
|
||
|
||
"That you do."
|
||
|
||
"Would you like to get out of here? This is my first time in this club,
|
||
and I hope it's my last."
|
||
|
||
"Truer words were never spoken.
|
||
|
||
We stood up to leave. As we neared the exit, Laurie looked back at me.
|
||
"Shouldn't you tell Jay we're leaving?"
|
||
|
||
"Nah. He'll never know I was gone. Probably figure that I went home
|
||
with some bimbo."
|
||
|
||
"I hope you don't think I'm a bimbo."
|
||
|
||
"Of course not. They're all over by Jay."
|
||
|
||
She laughed again while I opened the door for her.
|
||
|
||
* * * * *
|
||
|
||
The coffeehouse was filled to capacity, but we managed to find a table in
|
||
one of the back rooms. At the table next to us were a group of long-haired
|
||
guys with a stack of books in the center of them. I caught a few of the
|
||
authors' names -- Kropotkin, Guevara, Alinsky -- and heard them discussing
|
||
something about how revolution had to be continual to keep anyone from getting
|
||
into power. In about four years they'd all be clean-shaven and working in the
|
||
business world. All my ideals for a better world flew out the window when I
|
||
had to find money to pay the rent after college.
|
||
|
||
Laurie really was beautiful, something I had never noticed before. Her
|
||
short, black hair fell in soft wisps down to her pale cheeks, and she filled
|
||
out the tight black dress nicely. I never did think about relationships and
|
||
dating at work. I always figured that it was a bad idea, but now that we
|
||
didn't work together... no, that was stupid. She was young, and I, well,
|
||
wasn't. Who'd wanna shack up with some guy with no job, no ambition, and an
|
||
impending midlife crisis? I certainly wouldn't.
|
||
|
||
She sipped from her coffee. "So, does this place suit you better?"
|
||
|
||
"I think Dante's Inferno would have been paradise next to that place."
|
||
|
||
"It's good to know you have decent tastes. If you had wanted to stay, I
|
||
think I might would have gouged the DJ's eyes out or something."
|
||
|
||
"Yeah," I nodded. "I could see that happening. Does that mean you're a
|
||
humanitarian?"
|
||
|
||
"It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. Speaking of dirty jobs,
|
||
have you figured out what you're going to do yet?"
|
||
|
||
"Guess I'll get my resume together and find another account job at some
|
||
firm."
|
||
|
||
"Is that what you want?"
|
||
|
||
"It's what I'm qualified to do."
|
||
|
||
"But do you really want to keep doing that? Isn't there something you've
|
||
always wanted to try?"
|
||
|
||
"I'm too old to be taking chances."
|
||
|
||
She leaned forward. "Bullshit. It's just a matter of how old you feel."
|
||
|
||
"I need stability."
|
||
|
||
Laurie held her thumb and index finger an inch apart. "Life's only so
|
||
long, and it's nothing but a drop in the bucket when you think about it.
|
||
Stability is nice, but you have to live a little while you still can."
|
||
|
||
"How come you think you know everything?"
|
||
|
||
"I'm not old enough to know that I don't, and I hope I never do."
|
||
|
||
"I hope so too, for your sake. And thank you."
|
||
|
||
"For what?"
|
||
|
||
"For making this evening better than it looked like it was gonna be."
|
||
|
||
"My pleasure. We'd better leave. This place is about to close."
|
||
|
||
"What time is it?"
|
||
|
||
"Almost one."
|
||
|
||
"Damn. I musta been at the club longer than I thought."
|
||
|
||
We left and walked to the car. It was a nice night, the crisp air making
|
||
it just cool enough to be really comfortable and relaxing. After a couple of
|
||
blocks we made it back to the parking lot. As I sat down, she leaned over and
|
||
kissed me on the lips hard.
|
||
|
||
"Let me drive you to my house," she pleaded.
|
||
|
||
"Laurie, what are you doing?" I asked.
|
||
|
||
"Trying to seduce you."
|
||
|
||
"But I'm almost twenty years older than you!" I stormed.
|
||
|
||
She huffed. "There you go, bringing age into it again."
|
||
|
||
"Well," I acknowledged, "that kiss made me feel like I was in high school
|
||
again."
|
||
|
||
Laurie inched closer to me on the seat. "Then why not go with the
|
||
feeling? Be wild again. Do something irresponsible?"
|
||
|
||
"I can't. I'm sorry. I just need time."
|
||
|
||
She turn the ignition and gunned the engine. "Well, I've waited seven
|
||
months, I guess a little more time won't matter."
|
||
|
||
It was a long ride to my house.
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|
||
|
||
|
||
State of unBeing is copyrighted (c) 1995 by Kilgore Trout and Apocalypse
|
||
Culture Publications. All rights are reserved to cover, format, editorials,
|
||
and all incidental material. All individual items are copyrighted (c) 1995 by
|
||
the individual author, unless otherwise stated. This file may be disseminated
|
||
without restriction for nonprofit purposes so long as it is preserved complete
|
||
and unmodified. Quotes and ideas not already in the public domain may be
|
||
freely used so long as due recognition is provided. State of unBeing is
|
||
available at the following places:
|
||
|
||
iSiS UNVEiLED 512.930.5259 14.4 (Home of SoB)
|
||
THE LiONS' DEN 512.259.9546 24oo
|
||
TEENAGE RiOt 418.833.4213 14.4 NUP: COSMIC_JOKE
|
||
MOGEL-LAND 215-732-3413 14.4
|
||
ftp to io.com /pub/SoB
|
||
World Wide Web http://io.com/~hagbard/sob.html
|
||
|
||
Submissions may also be sent to Kilgore Trout at <kilgore@bga.com>. Thank you.
|
||
|
||
|
||
--SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB-SoB--
|