1224 lines
56 KiB
Plaintext
1224 lines
56 KiB
Plaintext
***** ***** ***** *****
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***** ***** ***** *****
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************* ************* ************* *************
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** *** ** ** *** ** ** *** ** ** *** **
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********* ********* ********* *********
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** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
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***** ***** ***** *****
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SBI-Submarine Pens Proudly Presents:
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####========================================================####
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THE PURPLE THUNDERBOLT OF SPODE VOL 4, 54
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####========================================================####
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"Three years and REPLIES TO: HailOtis@socpsy.sci.fau.edu
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still going strong"
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* PPPPPP U U RRRRRR PPPPPP SSSSSS
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*** P P U U R R P P S
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***** P P U U R R P P S
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******* PPPPPP U U RRRRRR PPPPPP SSSSS
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********* P U U R R P S
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*********** P U U R RR P S
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***** P UUUUU R R P SSSSSS
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*****
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*****
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*****
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*****
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* **** *
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*** *** ***
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**** * *****
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************************************
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****************************************
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************************************
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**** ***** *****
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*** ***** ***
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* ***** *
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*****
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*****
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*****
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*****
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*****
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***********
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*********
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*******
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*****
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***
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*
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WRITE TO: IGHF/955 Massachusetts Ave., Suite 209/Cambridge, Ma 02139
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Pope Jephe: jstevens@world.std.com
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Doc Simpson: scott@plearn.bitnet
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Subscriptions: HailOtis@socpsy.sci.fau.edu
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Back issues ftp from quartz.rutgers.edu in /pub/journals/purps
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####===================================================================####
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INTRO
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####===================================================================####
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Yes believe your eyes! Purps is on time. Don't ask how it happened. Just
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accept the fact that it did and enjoy. This issue should have a few amusing
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things. I suppose this might the be the Christians run amuck issue since
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there seem to be several submissions about that. Also News of the Weird
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Returns. Time to sacrifice a hecatomb to Otis for that. It's important
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after all.
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Anyway, a couple of notes before we get started. First off issues 1 though
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50 of purps are not in a single compressed file on quartz. There may be
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other sources to get single back issues. If you can't find any, remember
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that HailOtis@socpsy.sci.fau.edu always has them by the fistful.
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Second, the listserver appears to be working. Last time around Purps was
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mailed out over the course of about 10 minutes instead of an entire week.
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Also an emergency messages for recruits for the Preach-O-Rama was
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broadcast with it. I suppose we can assume it works. None of the old
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addresses have been destroyed however, so feel free to use those. (In fact
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this time around we ended up getting a subscriber on the ancient
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acc.fau.edu address which was a supposed to have been off the book two or
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three years ago. Amazing ain't it?)
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On with the show I want to mail this...
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####===================================================================####
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The Return of News of the Weird!
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####===================================================================####
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[As usual, Otis has once again blessed us with none other than infamous News
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of the Weird Woman. No doubt many of our new subscribers have never heard
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of this shadowy and mysterious figure. Her contributions over the years
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helped shape Purps into what it is today. Sadly she cannot be on line that
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much so it's a rare gift when she is able to submit something to us. No
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doubt Arch Bis Chad has set up the appropriate shrines for her and
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hopefully has fulfilled his duties in insuring that her memory has not
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died. In fact at the time of her rare visits he no doubt leads the loyal
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masses of Kenyon on a celebrator march around the gates of hell where they
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hurl old phone books and off color novelty gifts into the gate gaping
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maw. I was give a couple pages of this stuff, and I'm going to dole it out
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slowly.]
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Date: Thu, 12 Aug 1993 09:54:40 EST
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From: KENYON::KLEINSR
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From the Chicago Reader, 3/13/92:
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Police lieutenant Patrick Gildea of Huntington Beach, CA, reported in
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November that officers conducting an undercover drug-purchase sting
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continued to make arrests of eager would-be customers even after the sting
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was over and large orange "police" signs were placed in the area. Said
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Gildea, "We actually had people coming up and getting in line [to buy
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cocaine] when we had people [under arrest and handcuffed lying] on the
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ground."
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In September, after a stormy child custody hearing between mother, father,
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and surrogate mother in Santa Ana, CA, 51-year-old Cynthia Moschetta walked
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over to her estranged husband, who was meeting with photographers and
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reporters, ripped off his toupee, and fled.
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####===================================================================####
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Christians vs. the Satanic Programmers
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####===================================================================####
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Date: Fri, 13 Aug 93 16:29:01 MDT
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From: iverson@NMSU.Edu
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Subject: Weenix Unie rousted by Stalwart Christians
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Date: Thu, 12 Aug 93 12:25:28 -0400
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From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
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[fwds removed]
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Linda Branagan is an expert on daemons. She has a T-shirt that sports
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the daemon in tennis shoes that appears on the cover of the 4.3BSD manuals
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and _The Design and Implementation of the 4.3BSD UNIX Operating System_ by
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S. Leffler, M. McKusick, M. Karels, J. Quarterman, Addison-Wesley
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Publishing Company, Reading, MA 1989.
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She tells the following story about wearing the 4.3BSD daemon T-shirt:
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Last week I walked into a local "home style cookin' restaurant/watering
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hole" in Texas to pick up a take-out order. I spoke briefly to the
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waitress behind the counter, who told me my order would be done in a few
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minutes.
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So, while I was busy gazing at the farm implements hanging on the walls,
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I was approached by two ``natives.'' These guys might just be the original
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Texas rednecks.
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``Pardon us, ma'am. Mind if we ask you a question?''
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Well, people keep telling me that Texans are real friendly, so I nodded.
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``Are you a Satanist?''
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Well, at least they didn't ask me if I liked to party.
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``Uh, no, I can't say that I am.''
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``Gee, ma'am. Are you sure about that?'' they asked.
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I put on my biggest, brightest Dallas Cowboys cheerleader smile and
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said, ``No, I'm positive. The closest I've ever come to Satanism is
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watching Geraldo.''
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``Hmmm. Interesting. See, we was just wondering why it is you have the
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lord of darkness on your chest there.''
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I was this close to slapping one of them and causing a scene -- then I
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stopped and noticed the shirt I happened to be wearing that day. Sure
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enough, it had a picture of a small, devilish-looking creature that has for
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some time now been associated with a certain operating system. In this
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particular representation, the creature was wearing sneakers.
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They continued: ``See, ma'am, we don't exactly appreciate it when people
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show off pictures of the devil. Especially when he's lookin' so
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friendly.''
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These idiots sounded terrifyingly serious.
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Me: ``Oh, well, see, this isn't really the devil, it's just, well, it's
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sort of a mascot.
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Native: ``And what kind of football team has the devil as a mascot?''
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Me: ``Oh, it's not a team. It's an operating -- uh, a kind of
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computer.''
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I figured that an ATM machine was about as much technology as these guys
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could handle, and I knew that if I so much as uttered the word ``UNIX'' I
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would only make things worse.
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Native: ``Where does this satanical computer come from?''
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Me: ``California. And there's nothing satanical about it really.''
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Somewhere along the line here, the waitress noticed my predicament --
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but these guys probably outweighed her by 600 pounds, so all she did was
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look at me sympathetically and run off into the kitchen.
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Native: ``Ma'am, I think you're lying. And we'd appreciate it if you'd
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leave the premises now.''
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Fortunately, the waitress returned that very instant with my order, and
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they agreed that it would be okay for me to actually pay for my food before
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I left. While I was at the cash register, they amused themselves by
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talking to each other.
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Native #1: ``Do you think the police know about these devil computers?''
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Native #2: ``If they come from California, then the FBI oughta know
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about 'em.''
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They escorted me to the door. I tried one last time: ``You're really
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blowing this all out of proportion. A lot of people use this `kind of
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computers.' Universities, researchers, businesses. They're actually very
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useful.''
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Big, big, BIG mistake. I should have guessed at what came next.
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Native: ``Does the government use these devil computers?''
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Me: ``Yes.''
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Another BIG boo-boo.
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Native: ``And does the government pay for 'em? With our tax dollars?''
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I decided that it was time to jump ship.
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Me: ``No. Nope. Not at all. Your tax dollars never entered the
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picture at all. I promise. No sir, not a penny. Our good Christian
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congressmen would never let something like that happen. Nope. Never.
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Bye.''
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####===================================================================####
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WAKEY ! WAKEY !
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####===================================================================####
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From: "P.Harris" <P.Harris@southampton.ac.uk>
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Subject: This is what Religion can do !
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WAKEY ! WAKEY !
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Police battle devotees to bury a dead guru
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Thakur Balak Brahmachari, 73, reputed to have 50 to 70 million followers in
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India's West Bengal state, was pronounced dead from heart failure on 5 May.
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His disciples and aides, convinced that he was in samadhi and would return
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to them, put his body on ice slabs in an air-conditioned room of his ashram
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by the Ganges in Sukhchar, about 24 miles north of Calcutta.
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Thousands of pilgrims, haggard farmers, widows in white saris chanting
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mantras and poor families kept vigil in the scorching summer heat outside
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the ashram, waiting for a miracle. Their numbers were swelled by
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curiosity-seekers and sceptics from the Indian Rationalists Association.
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Kiosks selling food, drink, portraits of Brahmachari, cassettes of his
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speeches and products from the ashram's ayurvedic laboratories were open
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day and night for the roaring trade. Every day at 1:30 pm, Chitta Sikdar,
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general secretary of Santan Dal, the guru's 29-year-old Hindu sect,
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together with a few acolytes, bathed their master's body and laid out a
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clean set of clothes for him. Resurrection was confidently expected on 25
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May, but the day came and went. Aides collected water from the melting ice
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slabs under Brahmachari and distributed it as prasad (holy food) to
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devotees. The practice ended at the beginning of June, when a newspaper
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condemned it as a health risk. The body according to one visitor was
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looking "like a fish in a deep freeze". The skin had turned black and was
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beginning to flake.
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Sikdar said that in 1960, Brahmachari spent 21 days in samadhi, with no
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detectable heartbeat or pulse and without food or water. The feat,
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celebrated in the media, established the guru's reputation and he began to
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attract a huge following. Sikdar said he was prepared to keep the body
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uncremated for as long as six months.
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Brahmachari was known as the `Marxist Godman' because he preached `vedic
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communism' or spiritual equality, which found resonance in West Bengal,
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ruled by the communist-led Left-Front government for the past 15 years. The
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law requires bodies to be disposed of within 24 hours - but the state
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government refrained from storming the ashram, wary of alienating the
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substantial Santal Dal voting block.
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Hygiene finally prevailed over politics and religion on 30 June with
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`Operation Holy Rite'. More than 1,200 Calcutta police armed with clubs
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stormed the ashram after overcoming 4,000 devotees armed with tridents and
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throwing acid-filled light bulbs and fistfuls of chilli powder. Sixty
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police were injured and 950 disciples arrested. The fly-blown swami was
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seized after 56 days on ice, and rushed off to an electric crematorium.
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The Independent, 13 May, 1 June, 1 July; [Reuters] 12 June; India Today, 15
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June 1993
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####===================================================================####
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Our Great Planet Earth
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####===================================================================####
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From: "P.Harris" <P.Harris@southampton.ac.uk>
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Date: Mon, 16 Aug 93 10:30:43 BST
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Subject: Snippets from Fortean Times
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What a great planet this is....
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A busload of Russian shoppers refused to break off their trip to Poland
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when one of them died of a heart-attack. They tried to get the man buried
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on the spot, but the Polish authorities wouldn't allow it; so they
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continued bargain- hunting for days, leaving the corpse on a back seat.
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[Reuters] 11 Jan 1993.
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A man using a donkey to carry hashish was arrested near the northern
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Moroccan town of Al-Hoceima. While police waited for a car to take the man
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to prison, the donkey ate the evidence and the man was released. The donkey
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was found in a coma.
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Western Morning News, 5 April 1993.
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A Canadian survey has shown that 50% of anglers who fall out of boats have
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their flies undone, as they were relieving themselves at the time. In
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America the coastguards have a term, FOA, for dead bodies they recover -
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Flies Open on Arrival.
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Midweek, 11 Mar 1993
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Two Mormons knocked on a door in St. Albans, Herts. and asked if the woman
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who answered "knew about God". Hearing that it was the house of Lord
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Runcie, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, the baffled Americans asked:
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"What church would that be ?"
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Sun, 28 April 1993
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Bertha, believed to be the world's oldest cow, celebrated her 48th birthday
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on 22 May with two bottles of whiskey from farmer Patrick O'Connell, of
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Tipperary in Eire.
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Daily Record, 22 May 1993
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A naked man running across New York's Brooklyn Bridge singing "Oh what a
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beautiful morning!" was run over by a car and killed.
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Daily Mirror, 18 May 1993
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####===================================================================####
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Odd Book Titles
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####===================================================================####
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Date: Wed, 11 Aug 1993 20:44:51 HKT
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From: LBSPODIC@usthk.ust.hk
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Subject: Odd book titles-Occasionally rude,
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but a humorous compilation from a discussion list
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Regarding weird books: I too, like to collect strange books with attractive
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covers or just bizarre concepts. A couple of my personal favorites:
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1. Life stories of dying penitents. A 19th cent collection of
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essays from various people who, on their deathbeds, tell you
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why you shouldn't do whatever *they* did.
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2. Odd people. Another rather racist 19th cent. book detailing
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the manners and customs of primitive savage cultures around
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the world. Chapters include: The dirt-eaters of the Fee-Jee
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Islands and the Mud-bedaubers.
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3. The history and romance of elastic webbing. A moving account
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of the lives and exploits of the men (and they were manly men)
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who made the elastic webbing industry what it is today. The
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last sentence is "Lest we forget, lest we forget!" I kid you not.
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-----
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BOY SLAVES (illustrated!) (1869)
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An adventure story even more intriguing because of its chapter titles:
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14. A Liquid Breakfast
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33. A Cunning Sheik
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34. A Queer Encounter
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39. An Obstinate Dromedary (I hate when that happens)
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66. Sailor Bill's Experiment
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68. The Arabs at Home
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74. More Torture
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Sorry, I couldn't resist. One of these days I'll post something serious.
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-----
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> Our network's timely and useful collections include the following:
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>
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> Sabbath, Dan
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> END PRODUCT : THE FIRST TABOO
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> New York : Urizen, c1977.
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>
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> it is cataloged under the subject heading "Defecation--Social aspects."
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>
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> I am embarrassed to say that in a moment of weakness I actually
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> *read* this book and found it alternately hilarious and fascinating.
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Don't forget this little gem published by 10 Speed Press in Berkeley
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(where else)?
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Author: Meyer, Kathleen, 1942-
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Title: How to shit in the woods : an environmentally sound approach to
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a lost art / Kathleen Meyer. Berkeley, Calif. : Ten Speed
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Press, 1989.
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Description: 77 p. : ill. ; 22 cm.
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Subjects: Mountaineering -- Health aspects -- Handbooks, manuals, etc.
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Defecation -- Handbooks, manuals, etc.
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Call numbers: UCB PubHealth RC1220.M6 M48 1989 In Locked Case - Request At
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Circulation Desk
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UCSD Undergrad RC1220.M6 M48 1989
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Notice how the Berkeley library keeps in under lock and key?
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-----
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How about:
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PISSING IN THE SNOW, AND OTHER OZARK FOLKTALES
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edited by Vance Randolph
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1976: University of Illinois Press
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LCSH: Erotic stories, American--Ozark Mountains.
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Tales--Ozark Mountains.
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It was brought to my attention by a colleague from Arkansas, that we
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have had in on our shelf for a number of years!
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-----
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Here at MIT we have a book called:
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Liklik Buk: A Rural Development Handbook...It details
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methods of development in Southeast Asia, presumably highlighting the
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importance of orality in economics.
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There is a book called Answering the Call of Nature.
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How about: The Yogi and the Bear: Indo-Soviet Relations.
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I had a chance to select the following 2 volume set (but passed on it):
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Bird Carving Basics, v.1. Eyes and v.2. Feet
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-----
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I couldn't resist offering my favorite "weird book title" for the
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amusement of the group. It's _The romance of proctology : which
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is the story of the history and development of this much neglected
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branch of surgery from its earliest times to the present day,
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including brief biographic sketches of those who were its
|
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pioneers_. The author of this gem of medical history was Charles
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Elton Blanchard, M.D., and the book was originally published in
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1938 by Medical Success Press and reprinted by AMS Press in 1978.
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I'd also like to take this occasion to quote from the first
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sentence in the book's foreword: "No one knows who was the first
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doctor to examine the rectal orifice of the human frame."
|
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-----
|
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####===================================================================####
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And Weird Subject Headings
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####===================================================================####
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Date: Wed, 11 Aug 1993 20:49:17 HKT
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From: LBSPODIC@usthk.ust.hk
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Subject: Weird Subject Headings - culled from a listserv discussion
|
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|
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Here's one with an even weirder subject heading:
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How To Kill by John Minnery
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Subject heading: Homicide--Handbooks, manuals, etc.
|
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-----
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I hope everyone is also familiar with these well-known and
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supposedly real LC Subject headings (maybe they're just urban
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library folklore):
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Last Supper--Recipies. and
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Frogs--Ballet.
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I think the heat's affecting my brain.
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-----
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Here at L.C. we have a professional association which publishes from
|
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time to time in it's newsletter (which I used to edit), a list of
|
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"weird," unusual, unbelievable, etc. subject headings. So -- when
|
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this listserv got going on weird subject headings, I thought it might
|
|
be fun to look into the back issues and pull out some of the best,
|
|
straight from the horses mouth (so to speak). And now, from high on
|
|
the 5th floor of the Madison Building, on the dizzying heights of
|
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Capitol Hill, home of the Subject Cataloging Policy Office
|
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LC presents
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W E I R D S U B J E C T H E A D I N G S
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(Remember, these are (or were) all FOR REAL )
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Urinary diversion
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Drug abuse--Programmed instruction
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Diving for men
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Great tit
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Hung men
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Running races in rabbinical literatureSoaking pits
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Tulip mania, 17th century
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Feet in the Bible
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Lord's Supper--Admission age
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Low German wit and humor
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Nothingness in literature
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Cadaver in art
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Hand--Surgery--Juvenile literature
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Baboons--Congresses
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Sewage--Collected works
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Inefficiency, Intellectual (with an x-ref. from Stupity)
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Then there was the great Flatulence debate ... but I can't go on.
|
|
Perhaps, I'll send more later.
|
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Guess I'd better include the ole disclaimer: Content of this message
|
|
is my own -- not an official Library of Congress communication ( )
|
|
-----
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####===================================================================####
|
|
Pentecostal Joy Rides
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
[Of course the below mentioned rite is old hat to the seasoned Otisian. In
|
|
fact you can order detailed instructions and a map of idea roads to perform
|
|
the rite on directly from the International House of Fruit Cakes.]
|
|
|
|
Date: Sun, 22 Aug 1993 17:46:48 HKT
|
|
From: LBSPODIC@usthk.ust.hk
|
|
Subject: I'm not sure I believe it, but it's a great story. :)
|
|
[This story did happen to be on National Public Radio as well]
|
|
|
|
Subject: Those wacky fundies
|
|
Date: 21 Aug 1993 00:22:09 GMT
|
|
Organization: Cayuga Whine Trail
|
|
Lines: 64
|
|
|
|
[]
|
|
Pinched without permission from the Ithaca Journal, Aug. 20
|
|
1993.
|
|
|
|
CAR CHASE, CRASH REVEAL 20 NAKED PENTECOSTALS
|
|
|
|
Vinton, LA (AP) -- The devil made them do it. That's what some of the 20
|
|
naked Pentecostals packed cheek-to cheek in a car told police after the
|
|
vehicle was chased into a tree.
|
|
|
|
Officers watched in disbelief as the group piled out of the 1990 Pontiac
|
|
Grand Am after the wreck and began religious chants.
|
|
|
|
The passengers, relatives from Floydada, Texas, said they were en route to
|
|
a religious retreat somewhere in Florida, Police Chief Dennis Drouillard
|
|
said.
|
|
|
|
He said some passengers said they were stripped because their clothes were
|
|
possessed by the devil.
|
|
|
|
"Didn't have a stitch of clothes on. I mean, no socks, no underwear, no
|
|
nothin'," he said. "They didn't say much. They mainly got out and chanted
|
|
religious sayings."
|
|
|
|
The police stopped the car Thursday after getting a report that the car
|
|
contained naked people. The driver got out wearing only a towel, but then
|
|
jumped back in, sped off, and crashed into a tree, police said.
|
|
|
|
The car was totaled, but the injuries were all minor, Drouillard said.
|
|
|
|
"I guess when you're packed in that tight, there's not much room to move
|
|
around," he said. A police officer gave the passengers clothes at the
|
|
scene.
|
|
|
|
Drouillard said the group ranged in age from 1 to 65 and included three
|
|
pregnant women and give children, who were stuffed into the trunk.
|
|
|
|
Driver Sammy Rodriguez and his brother, Danny, said they were Pentecostal
|
|
preachers, Drouillard said.
|
|
|
|
Floydada Police Chief James Hale said he had been looking for the Rodriguez
|
|
family since Tuesday, when relatives reported them missing. "They made
|
|
statements likeB the devil was after them and Floydada was going to be
|
|
destroyed if they stayed here," Hale said. Floydada is a small Texas
|
|
Panhandle town about 550 miles from Vinton.
|
|
|
|
The family left Floydada in five or six cars, abandoning them and
|
|
belongings along the way.
|
|
|
|
Sammy Rodriguez, 29, was held pending an investigation into reckless
|
|
endangerment of the children. He was booked on suspicion of reckless
|
|
driving, flight from an officer, and other offenses.
|
|
|
|
The 19 others were released and spent the night in a shelter.
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Drive In Movie Fun
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
From: pjoslin@mbvlab.wpafb.af.mil (Paul Joslin (Sverdrup))
|
|
Subject: Jamming the audio at the drive-in movie
|
|
Date: 7 Sep 1993 13:34:38 GMT
|
|
|
|
From a posting on sci.electronics, ca. 1987, by the late and sorely-missed
|
|
net.guru, Larry Lippmann:
|
|
|
|
"...My roommate and I jammed the audio at a drive-in movie and inserted our
|
|
own "commentary"... We scrounged a 100-watt PA amplifier of 1950's vintage,
|
|
and modified it to use an external DC power supply, a WW-II surplus
|
|
dynamotor. Since the dynamotor required 24 volts DC, we temporarily
|
|
installed two 12-volt batteries in the trunk of my car. The dynamotor also
|
|
went in the trunk, with a remote control switch. The amplifier sat on the
|
|
rear seat, covered with a blanket.
|
|
|
|
Some "preliminary investigation" at the target drive-in indicated that a
|
|
70-volt line transformer was mounted in the base of each speaker pedestal,
|
|
and one transformer fed two speakers. We decided to back-feed into the
|
|
system at 70 volts.
|
|
|
|
...Along with two carloads of "supporters," we parked in the last row.
|
|
Under cover of darkness, I removed the cover plate at the base of our
|
|
speaker pedestal, and attached two 22-AWG magnet wires to the 70-volt feed.
|
|
There was enough clearance on the cover plate to allow the magnet wires to
|
|
pass when the plate was put back. Also, the magnet wires allowed for a
|
|
rapid - and hopefully inconspicuous - breakaway.
|
|
|
|
...The movie was a low-budget horror film about witches in England... ripe
|
|
for a "commentary." With all connections made, I turned on the dynamotor.
|
|
After the tubes warmed up, I cautiously advanced the master gain control.
|
|
Voila! Feedback, even though our own speaker was turned off. It worked so
|
|
well that we had to close all windows in the car.
|
|
|
|
We engaged in a running "commentary" (use your imagination here). The
|
|
people at the drive-in went wild, blowing their car horns in delight. The
|
|
management went nuts! After about five minutes, two people ran out of the
|
|
projection booth with flashlights and started checking cars. Needless to
|
|
say, it was time to pull the plug. The fellow who came over to my car
|
|
looked at us with great suspicion, since we and the two adjacent "support"
|
|
cars were all laughing hysterically. However, no one said anything to us -
|
|
I think the drive-in management was still in a state of shock that someone
|
|
could do such a thing..."
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Another God
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
[Ah ha! At last a divine entity we can blame for the lateness of Purps!]
|
|
Date: Wed, 8 Sep 1993 21:58:58 -0400 (EDT)
|
|
From: Jeffrey Stevens <jstevens@world.std.com>
|
|
Subject: EEEK! (fwd)
|
|
|
|
Just what we need, another new god.
|
|
|
|
|
|
---------- Forwarded message ----------
|
|
Date: Wed, 8 Sep 1993 13:35:23 -0400
|
|
From: "Daniel H. Chadwick" <aj478@yfn.ysu.edu>
|
|
To: jstevens@world.std.com
|
|
Subject:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Discovered new deity while netting around the compyuter a couple days
|
|
ago... O-LAG, the god/dess of procrastination, delays, and bureaucracy.
|
|
Tell PURPS.
|
|
|
|
B.B.H.O.
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Cult of Elvis
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
From: foster@mtechca.maintech.com (Jeff)
|
|
Subject: Elvis Loves Me, This I Know, for the Colonel Tells Me So
|
|
Date: 11 Sep 1993 06:38:36 GMT
|
|
|
|
From the _Los Angeles Times Orange County Edition_,
|
|
10 August 1993, Calendar (entertainment) section,
|
|
page F4, reprinted without permission:
|
|
|
|
\\\\\\\\\\ begin reprinted article \\\\\\\\\\\
|
|
|
|
Elvis the King Might Be a God in the Making, Author Says
|
|
|
|
from Reuter
|
|
|
|
Memphis, Tennessee - Chances are even those who think of Elvis Presley as a
|
|
god don't rank the late entertainer on a par with the Supreme Being.
|
|
|
|
But the day may come when followers go down on their knees to worship
|
|
"Elvis the King," a messenger who was sent by God, was betrayed by trusted
|
|
friends and lives eternally in the hearts of all men and women.
|
|
|
|
At least that's the argument put forward in a new book by a former
|
|
religious affairs correspondent for the BBC, who sees in the Elvis cult the
|
|
seeds of devotion that could - over time - grow into a full-fledged
|
|
religion.
|
|
|
|
"The worship, adoration and the perpetuation of the memory of Elvis today
|
|
closely resembles a religious cult," says Ted Harrison, author of the book
|
|
_Elvis People - The Cult of the King_ (HarperCollins, US$10), which has
|
|
just been published in the United States.
|
|
|
|
"Indeed, what is now the Elvis cult could be nothing less than a religion
|
|
in embryo."
|
|
|
|
Officials at Graceland, Presley's celebrated mansion, expect ten thousand
|
|
to fifteen thousand Elvis fans to converge on Memphis to mark the
|
|
anniversary of his 1977 death on Monday. In the past they have held a
|
|
candlelight vigil, visited Presley's grave and scrawled messages to the
|
|
dead singer - often couched in religious terms - on the walls of the
|
|
estate.
|
|
|
|
"Elvis fans say, echoing the words of many Christians, it is possible not
|
|
only to love Elvis, but to be loved by Elvis and have a personal
|
|
relationship with him," the book notes.
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Papal Ponderings #9
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Pope Jephe I, IGHF, 955 Massachusetts Ave. #209, Cambridge, MA 02139-9183
|
|
|
|
This week: A review of the greatest OTISian Band of all time: Van Gogh
|
|
Complex, Reprinted, Pretty Much Without Permission, Form the Pages of the
|
|
Boston Phoenix
|
|
|
|
V.G.C.'s Greatest Hits Vol. 8
|
|
Van Gogh Complex
|
|
|
|
I have been hearing some discontented mumbleings that this column only
|
|
reviews "obscure" bands. Since the vast majority of the originators of this
|
|
loose talk couldn't recognize a truely obscure band if one ate them, allow
|
|
me to ease their confusion.
|
|
|
|
The Radio-active Wombats and a Guy Named Sid are an obscure group. So,too,
|
|
Leo and the Lovettes and the Squished Fish. Bazooka Joe and His Seven
|
|
Friends with Acute Halitosis is not only obscure, but difficult to listen
|
|
to if you sit too close. We have not reviewed an obscure group yet.
|
|
However, today is different. Today we're going to intro(duce tou to one of
|
|
the most obscure groups we've ever tripped over - Van Gogh Complex.
|
|
|
|
V.G.C. is obscure for a reason. They don't advertise, nor do they have any
|
|
regularly scheduled coneert appear ances. They are a neo-classical/Punk
|
|
rock group who simply show up at local parties, announce that they are "the
|
|
band" and start playing. (This often has an unsettling effect on their
|
|
audiences, particularly when they arrive at their favorite haunts - coat
|
|
and tie wine tasting parties and small weddings- in this fashion).
|
|
Obviously, this is not a run of the mill band. They have, to date, seen fit
|
|
only to cut one album, V.G.C.'s Greatest Hits Vol. 8. This is the only
|
|
album you can expect to see from them until July when V.G.C.'s Christmas
|
|
Melodies will debut.
|
|
|
|
The album is as weird as the band. The song titles say it all: The Address
|
|
of God, My Dog Has Fleas, Jane Fonda Sings "My Way" While Gargeling Ajax in
|
|
a Hot Bath, and Dogs, Whips, and Chains. Please don't ask me to describe
|
|
this last one in detail. Suffice it to say that a middle aged woman is
|
|
heard at the end yelling: "Who are you people!?! Get out of my kitchen, and
|
|
take those filthy animals with you!!" Which is nothing actually, compared
|
|
to the rest of the tracks. Another song seems to have been recorded in a
|
|
bus terminal, and all through Address...one hears, faintly in the
|
|
background, periodic bursts of running water, and at one point a man saying
|
|
"Excuse me, but I really must get in there".
|
|
|
|
Which is not to say the music is bad- just generally... well... tasteless.
|
|
But V.G.C. can do things with a guitar that other people can only do with
|
|
spaghetti and a fork, and the horn solos are fantastic. In spite of the
|
|
background noise, Address... is one of the best jam sessions I've heard in
|
|
a long time. But the crucial question remains- do you really want to spend
|
|
eight bucks on an album from a bunch of guys who get their inspiration
|
|
(according to the album jacket) from "Inhaling large quantities of helium,
|
|
and watching traffic pass". I wouldn't. But then, I don't listen to
|
|
"obscure" bands.
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Church Kidnappings
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
From: ltwilkes@news.delphi.com (LTWILKES@DELPHI.COM)
|
|
Subject: Church kidnappings
|
|
Date: 18 Sep 1993 01:59:33 -0400
|
|
|
|
FORT COLLINS
|
|
|
|
Church prank angers police
|
|
|
|
Fort Collins police are not amused by a prank that was supposed to be a fun
|
|
way to get youngsters to attend a church youth group meeting. Authorities
|
|
stopped 50 cars in their search Sunday for a red van after two children --
|
|
ages 5 and 6 -- reported that two men with bandannas over their faces
|
|
dragged a screaming girl, 12, into thier vehicle and drove away. The Rev.
|
|
Gary Mcluskey said the kidnappings were organized to get youngsters to the
|
|
first youth group meeting of the fall at Shepard of the Hills Lutheran
|
|
Church.
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Satanic Sightings
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
From: nicolett@carson.u.washington.edu (Nicolette Roberge)
|
|
Subject: Satanic Sightings
|
|
Date: 21 Sep 93 15:33:31 GMT
|
|
|
|
In the local county newspaper:
|
|
|
|
(police beat)
|
|
|
|
A woman notified the sheriff's office of satanic grafitti on her mailbox.
|
|
She also reported a "yellowish-brrwn" substance smeared over the front and
|
|
handle of the box and was afraid to open it to get to her mail. In
|
|
addition, several other boxes on the same road had similar satanic symbols
|
|
in them.
|
|
|
|
Sheriff's deputies and a mail inspector arrived at the scene and determined
|
|
the satanic grafitti was the remains of a bologna sandwich(es) and that thh
|
|
yellowish-brown substance was mustard.
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Going to Hell
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
[This article was also in a Tampa Newspaper as well.]
|
|
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 93 02:49:17 MDT
|
|
From: iverson@crl.nmsu.edu
|
|
Subject: nearly half of Alabama in peril
|
|
|
|
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 93 10:04:03 -0400
|
|
From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com>
|
|
Subject: Going to hell: Baptists keep count
|
|
|
|
Going to hell: Baptists keep count (from the Ithaca Journal, 9/18/93, p. 1):
|
|
|
|
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. (AP) - God only knows who gets to heaven, but the Southern
|
|
Baptists estimate 46.1 percent of people in Alabama risk going to hell.
|
|
|
|
Since the figure from church research on potentially doomed souls was made
|
|
public, it is Baptists who are feeling the fire, however.
|
|
|
|
The Southern Baptist Convention's county-by-county breakdown of who's bound
|
|
for heaven and who isn't - unless they are born again and accept Jesus
|
|
Christ as their savior - hit The Birmingham News on Sept. 5. It's been the
|
|
buzz in some Alabama pews ever since.
|
|
|
|
Under the headline: "Baptists count the lost," the front page story
|
|
included a detailed map and box listing the 1.86 million "unsaved" by
|
|
county in precise percentages.
|
|
|
|
The Baptists said the numbers were only a guide on where to establish new
|
|
churches and find more followers.
|
|
|
|
But some of the faithful, Baptists as well as others, are incensed.
|
|
|
|
"It is the pinnacle of presumptuousness to construct a formula for
|
|
quantifying the unsaved," Jack Denver of Homewood, a self-described
|
|
"practicing Christian" wrote in a letter that was among about a dozen the
|
|
newspaper published from irate readers.
|
|
|
|
The Southern Baptists have done such demographic research for years, said
|
|
Martin King, a spokesman for the denomination's Atlanta-based Home Mission
|
|
Board, which compiled the study and has national figures he would not
|
|
disclose.
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Micah Speaks
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1993 15:25:58 EST
|
|
From: "Andrew Q. Winter (In the morning, hear the Way; in the evening, die
|
|
content! -Confucius)" <wintera@kenyon.edu>
|
|
Subject: Micah speaks on words...
|
|
|
|
So today in Music theory, Micah Rubenstein started talking of word origins.
|
|
It became a good tangent, since most of the class were tired of reviewing
|
|
figured bass. (grr...)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Preposterousness:
|
|
pre = before, post = after, ness = the state of being.
|
|
Preposterousness = the state of being before and after.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Trivia:
|
|
tri = three, via = road or way.
|
|
In anceint Greece, it was not uncommon for three roads to converge in a town.
|
|
At this intersection, there was a fountain, where women (they weren't PC in
|
|
anceint greece!) would do the wash. At these fountains, or trivias, the women
|
|
would gossip about town news and such. HA!
|
|
|
|
Sabotage:
|
|
Sabo means shoe in French (or so Micah says). Sometime in French history, a
|
|
shoe factory decided to go on strike. So all the workers took all the shoes,
|
|
and threw them into the machines. The machines broke. In other words, the
|
|
machines were "sabotaged."
|
|
|
|
"You'll have the devil to pay":
|
|
As it turns out, the devil is the central beam in a boat. It is where the two
|
|
halves join. Since this junction can often leak water, people tar them. The
|
|
common term for this is "to paye." In other words, the phrase, "you'll have
|
|
hell to pay," really means "you'll have a wooden junction to paint with tar."
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Balls of String
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Subject: My Ball of String
|
|
Date: 26 Sep 1993 03:56:25 GMT
|
|
From: dogpest@mead.u.washington.edu (The Crafts Lady)
|
|
|
|
|
|
My ball of string has recently passed the 15-foot radius mark and is
|
|
growing steadily. Of course, once your ball of string gets as large as mine
|
|
has, increasing the diameter by even an inch requires vast amounts of
|
|
string. I pride myself on the integrity of materials that my ball is
|
|
composed of (a recent core sample taken from Kibo's ball of string, on the
|
|
other hand, revealed that the center is PURE SAWDUST!). I use only the
|
|
highest quality twine and wind it tightly. Many people see no harm in using
|
|
yarn, and, yes, it _is_ thicker, but what you gain in quick increases of
|
|
diameter, you lose in strength. More and more, we hear that young people
|
|
today lack the patience that is required to make a truly GREAT ball of
|
|
string. They "want it all, and they want it now".
|
|
|
|
The other day, I passed a group of young children working on their balls
|
|
of string. I asked one how old he was. He held up eleven fingers. he was
|
|
only eleven, and yet his ball of string was NEARLY FIVE FEET IN DIAMETER!
|
|
When I was his age, my ball was only THREE feet in diameter. I looked
|
|
closely at his ball of string. Sure, enough, it was composed chiefly of
|
|
thick yarn. Great for size, but quick to unravel. I asked him if he thought
|
|
his ball of string would see him through his old age. He shrugged his
|
|
shoulders. "I just want a big ball." he said. How will he feel when he is
|
|
sixty, and his ball of string has fallen apart due to shoddy workmanship?
|
|
|
|
The lesson here is simple: We all want big balls, but big balls take
|
|
time.
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Gnus from Canada
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Date: Sun, 26 Sep 1993 14:14:15 -1812
|
|
From: iverson@crl.nmsu.edu (Eric Iverson)
|
|
Subject: gnus from canada
|
|
|
|
Date: Sat, 25 Sep 93 14:52:51 PDT
|
|
From: strick -- henry strickland <strick@osc.versant.com>
|
|
|
|
[ from the qotd list --strick ]
|
|
|
|
The following was published Wednesday Sept. 15 in the Globe and Mail:
|
|
|
|
Another gnuisance on the fringe
|
|
|
|
Brian (Godzilla) Salmi has started a political party to cash in on voter
|
|
disgust with politics - the Gnu Democratic Rhino Reform party. There are
|
|
only two things worth knowing about the party: the "G" in "Gnu" is
|
|
pronounced, and it's out to replace the Rhinoceros Party as the voice of
|
|
political spoofery in Canada. The Gnus will field 14 candidates in the
|
|
Vancouver area in the coming election. In the one after that, Mr. Salmi
|
|
hopes to have organized "from Gnufoundland to the Gnukon."
|
|
|
|
The Gnus formed last month after splitting from the Rhinos over a dispute
|
|
involving a stripper and a professional dominatrix, he says.
|
|
|
|
Mr. Salmi will be easy to spot at all-candidate forums. He dresses in a
|
|
green Godzilla suit. He intended the outfit as an anti-nuclear warning,
|
|
but his costume is so tattered and stupid-looking that most people mistake
|
|
it for Kermit the Frog.
|
|
|
|
"I don't get no respect."
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Our Buddy Barney
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
From: SMTHSEN@HERMES.BC.EDU (Sean Smith)
|
|
Subject: Barney backlash update
|
|
Date: 23 Sep 1993 14:51:06 GMT
|
|
|
|
Well, this week's Time magazine contains a definitive account of the recent
|
|
attack on Barney, an indicator of the growing "Barney backlash" taking
|
|
place in the US. The attack took place at a reopening of a K-mart in
|
|
Galveston, TX (not at a mall in San Antonio, as one rumor had it). The guy
|
|
in the Barney suit was "assaulted and punched" by four boys, aged 10-14
|
|
(some rumors had the kids as elementary school age or in their late teens),
|
|
and according to a police officer, "the 13-year-old tried to take off his
|
|
head." Apparently, the article said, kids were frantically calling the
|
|
Galveston police station to find out if Barney was hurt. The assailants
|
|
were fined $200 each and have until the age of 17 to pay up.
|
|
|
|
Meanwhile, we should keep our ears open for parodies of "The Barney Theme
|
|
Song (I Love You)." In my last posting, I quoted one my daughter had picked
|
|
up from a classmate in first grade:
|
|
I hate you
|
|
You hate me
|
|
Let's all go and kill Barney
|
|
With a shotgun blast we'll put him on the floor
|
|
No more purple dinosaur
|
|
|
|
Hey, if it keeps up, maybe Barney will start turning to booze and
|
|
tranquilizers. Wouldn't that make a great show:
|
|
|
|
"I tell ya, Baby Bop, this is a rotten business. They chew you up and spit
|
|
you out. I give and I give and I give, and what do I get? Kids trying to
|
|
pull my head off. Well, who needs 'em. As far as I'm concerned, they can
|
|
watch test patterns all day."
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Irc Clients
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
[Here's a couple of Public IRC clients you can get at for the
|
|
Preach-o-Ramas.]
|
|
Subject: Re: public irc clients
|
|
Date: 27 Sep 1993 04:37:03 GMT
|
|
From: yanoff@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Scott A Yanoff)
|
|
|
|
-IRC telnet server telnet irc.demon.co.uk or 158.152.1.74
|
|
telnet sci.dixie.edu 6668 or telnet 144.38.16.2 6668
|
|
offers: Internet Relay Chat via telnet. (Login: irc) Also see CHAT above
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Preach-o-Rama
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Date: Mon, 27 Sep 1993 22:25:16 -0400 (EDT)
|
|
From: Jeffrey Stevens <jstevens@world.std.com>
|
|
Subject: Re: Preach-O-Rama is going on now! Where are you!
|
|
|
|
On Mon, 27 Sep 1993 mal@sit.sop.fau.edu wrote:
|
|
|
|
>
|
|
> ----------------------- Message requiring your approval ----------------------
|
|
> Sender: Marcus Eubanks <eubanks@astro.ocis.temple.edu>
|
|
> Subject: Re: Preach-O-Rama is going on now! Where are you!
|
|
>
|
|
> Oh, that I had a machine at home from which to partake of the noble and
|
|
> illustrious preach-o-rama. If my brave and just leader were to supply his
|
|
> humble servant with a functioning computer, said servant would gladly
|
|
> attend preach-o-ramas any time he was sober enough to type.
|
|
>
|
|
> I abase myself before your wisdome & generosity.
|
|
>
|
|
>
|
|
|
|
O.K., o.k., enough of your absement; frankly it's embarassing. All these
|
|
people thowing themselves on the floor, cowering in dark corners when I
|
|
pass, groveling in my presence... OTIS, but it's enough to make me wish I'd
|
|
listened to mother and become a dental assistant.
|
|
|
|
Ah, now that would be the life, poking my fist into strange people's
|
|
mouths, asking vital questions on medical insurance of people too novicaned
|
|
to speak propperly, handing out the "free" lolipops to good little boys and
|
|
girls.
|
|
|
|
But we don't always get to choose, do we... OTIS says "Be my Pope or
|
|
they'll be scraping your gooey remains off yonder ground with a spatula",
|
|
and I say "Hey, HAIL OTIS! Just call me "Pope"".
|
|
|
|
Well, Marcus, if we here at the House had a Chutzpah Award for Really Great
|
|
Excuses, you'd be strongly favored to win right now, but let me make this
|
|
clear to you and everyone who fails to show up for thse Preach o Ramas:
|
|
You're hurting no one but yourselves.
|
|
|
|
While you all were sitting at home watching Z grade movies on Turner
|
|
Television last Sunday, those who made it to the last Preach o Rama WERE
|
|
HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES! Why we had:
|
|
|
|
Live snake handling!
|
|
|
|
Levitations!
|
|
|
|
Faith Healing!
|
|
|
|
OTISian Sing a Longs!
|
|
|
|
A Genuine Old Style Family Bar-B-Que!
|
|
|
|
Absolutely NO Yak Tossings!
|
|
|
|
OTISian Rant-a-Thons!
|
|
|
|
Nude Jello Wrestling!
|
|
|
|
Spontaneous Conversions and Blessings!
|
|
|
|
Strange OTISian Rituals!
|
|
|
|
and all sorts of other good clean, wholesome, family type activities. Why
|
|
we even discovered the SECRET LOCATION OF A LOST OTISIAN RELIC (a magic
|
|
plunger; ask Mal; he has it), heard interesting testimony of the power of
|
|
OTIS from some guy in Poland, discovered that being Papaal pays less even
|
|
than being a freelance writer, and saw DEMONSTRABLE proof of the Evil
|
|
Zackinthians' attempts to medlle with the 'lectronic fringes as a way of
|
|
stoping us from communicating with each other! And we all bore witness as
|
|
the Pope was kidnapped by aliens!
|
|
|
|
Let me tell ya folks it was a humdinger of a day...
|
|
|
|
You want us to give YOU a terminal for home?
|
|
|
|
No, no, no. Rather you should go out and STEAL one this VERY INSTANT just
|
|
so you can keep up with the fantastic things afoot.
|
|
|
|
Still, we have had several complaints about the timing of these buggers,
|
|
and I would like it known that I am open to suggestions vis a vis the
|
|
scheduling of the next one. After all, we have followers in Poland and
|
|
Australia, Hong Kong and and Illinois, and I am sympathetic to the plight
|
|
of those forced to "log on" at 3:00am.
|
|
|
|
So, maybe next time I'll stay up late.
|
|
|
|
|
|
ANYTHING FOR THE FAITH!
|
|
|
|
HAIL OTIS!!!
|
|
|
|
PJI
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Medical Facts
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
From: baker@iastate.edu (A Hideously Agressive BFG)
|
|
Subject: True Medical Facts
|
|
|
|
From: _Merck Manual_, Harvey Poindexter, ed.
|
|
Chapter 126.12.4 'On the Proper Maintanence of Your Human Being'
|
|
|
|
"The human tongue is the fastest growing organ in the body and as such,
|
|
care must be taken to prevent excessive growth. Normally, friction from
|
|
eating, chewing, biting of the tongue, omononapiea and displays of
|
|
affection will keep the tongue length in stasis. However, in patients
|
|
receiving intravenous or gastric feeding, these modes are not available and
|
|
excessive tongue growth may occur. It is not uncommon to find growths of up
|
|
to 11 meters in unattended patients. When such feeding methods are
|
|
indicated, the tongue should be filed or sanded on a bi-weekly basis."
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
The Gerbil Myth
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
From: Michael Loomis <ml3e+@andrew.cmu.edu>
|
|
Subject: The Gerbil Myth
|
|
Date: Mon, 27 Sep 1993 15:19:05 -0400
|
|
|
|
From Bloomberg News Service - 11th Aug 1993
|
|
|
|
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
|
|
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Vito Bustone told bemused doctors in the
|
|
Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
|
|
|
|
Bustone and his homosexual partner Kiki Rodriguez, had been admitted for
|
|
emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I
|
|
pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Faggot, our gerbil, in,"
|
|
he explained. "As usual Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had
|
|
enough. I tried to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I
|
|
peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract
|
|
him."
|
|
|
|
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened
|
|
next. "The match ignited a pocket of intetsinal gas and a flame shot up the
|
|
tube, igniting Mr Bustone's moustache and severely burning his face. It
|
|
also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, which, in turn, ignited a
|
|
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out
|
|
like a cannonball."
|
|
|
|
Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of
|
|
the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree burns to his
|
|
anus and lower intestinal tract."
|
|
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
Pig Scratching
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
From: tasgal@leo.math.tau.ac.il (Tasgal Richard)
|
|
Subject: A long way from Salem?
|
|
Date: Tue, 28 Sep 1993 11:42:04 GMT
|
|
|
|
This week's Economist carried an item which is not widely enough known
|
|
to be an urban legend, but would be a good one if it were. The
|
|
following is the first paragraph of the review of _Crime and Punishment
|
|
in American History_, by Lawrence Friedman, Basic Books:
|
|
|
|
In the mid-17th century there was a stir in New Haven, Connecticut.
|
|
A sow had given birth to a "monstrous" piglet. In the eyes of the
|
|
colonists, this was no accident. Specifically, it had to be a sign
|
|
of a revolting crime: carnal intercourse with a pig. The finger of
|
|
suspicion pointed to Thomas Hogg (sic). He was ordered by
|
|
magistrates to scratch the mother pig. When she reacted with a
|
|
"show of lust," the unfortunate Hogg's guilt was confirmed.
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
The Flamingo Headed Plunger
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
[Below is part of what transpired on the last Preach-O-Rama. I hope you're
|
|
ashamed with yourself for missing it!]
|
|
Otodotos -- Well, I've got a bowl of noodles in my other hand.
|
|
Pope -- Put those noodles down. You don't know where those
|
|
noodles have been.
|
|
mal -- I could hold a toilet plunger if you'd like me to
|
|
in one hand. Got one .. well two actually handy.
|
|
One has the head of a flamingo on it.
|
|
Otodotos -- Mostly Taiwan I should think.
|
|
Pope -- TP: go for it. It can be the scepter of the high
|
|
priest of Heethor.
|
|
mal -- the noodle designs were no doubt stolen from taiwan
|
|
and cloned in macaw
|
|
Otodotos -- YOU've got the Ancient Flamingo Headed Plunger?!
|
|
That went missing from our dig weeks ago!
|
|
mal -- Or a unique drinking cup for the jaded rubber
|
|
fetishist.
|
|
Pope -- One of the four...
|
|
mal -- What! Hmm I've had that plunger for years.. well
|
|
since we relocated to our new digs. E. always
|
|
comments on how we seem to have so many of them. I
|
|
think we have three or four.
|
|
Pope -- At anyrate, MAl, I'm disappointed you're stealing
|
|
stuff from digs again.
|
|
mal -- Good lord. I'd better take better care of that
|
|
thing. It's just sort of listing again the old
|
|
toilet now. I usually use the other one because
|
|
the flamingo head flops around and can poke out
|
|
and eye.
|
|
mal -- Stealing? Never. I was preserving them from the
|
|
sweaty hands of an ignorant student.
|
|
Pope -- How many vitally important artifacts are lost when
|
|
some archaeologist thinks "Hey! That would look
|
|
really good next to the O'Keefe poster over the
|
|
commode"? [Editors note: Strangely enough we do have an
|
|
O'Keefe over the Commode.. ah the Pope does it again.]
|
|
mal -- Oh probably about 70% of anything dug up in egypt I
|
|
would imagine.
|
|
Otodotos -- Working with Ancient Magicks is always dangerous!
|
|
Pope -- Yeah.... or "That would look great next to the
|
|
water heater in the basement of the British museum"
|
|
mal -- Hmm why do you think I use the other plunger most
|
|
of the time. I could see it now. Just one plunge
|
|
and most of the sewage system of Highland Beach
|
|
gets blown sky high.
|
|
mal -- Or maybe suck down some little old lady doing her
|
|
business.
|
|
mal -- That's' all I need is a wet old person showing up in
|
|
my toilet.
|
|
Pope -- I don't think the plunger was ever meant to be USED,
|
|
just adored from a safe distance
|
|
mal -- Hmm maybe I should get a case for it.
|
|
Pope -- An ANGRY old wet person
|
|
mal -- Or maybe one of those 1/2 bathtub shrines. I could
|
|
put it out on the lawn and my land lord could get
|
|
constantly fined until it was removed.
|
|
mal -- Hmm they'd also have their pants down or skirts up
|
|
or what ever which would be worse than just being
|
|
an angry old person who's wet.
|
|
mal -- Actually if Christ appeared around here hanging on
|
|
a cross they'd fine him. Or at least make him paint
|
|
himself pink.
|
|
mal -- So how does on display the toilet plunger anyway?
|
|
Rightside up or upside down?
|
|
Pope -- Actually, maybe practical uses for religious
|
|
paraphenallia could be one of the ways we
|
|
distinguish ourselves from other religions. I'll
|
|
bet that other Pope has never sound a practical use
|
|
for all the various relics... "Reduse, reuse,
|
|
recycle" could have d
|
|
mal -- Should I use gold foil and guild the business end?
|
|
Pope -- eep spiritual meaning
|
|
Pope -- Gold foil sounds good., as long as the scotch tape
|
|
is clearly visible
|
|
Pope -- Eike! We've lost Otodotos. Might loose me soon,
|
|
too (modem's in conniptions)
|
|
mal -- good idea oh Pope. I can't really see the Catholic
|
|
Pope digging weeds with an arrow that pierced St
|
|
what's -his-butt's side.
|
|
mal -- Yikes... Well I've been having a bit of modem
|
|
trouble as well. :-) As usual it's a plot to stop
|
|
us.
|
|
Pope -- Exactly! Or binding heretics with the same chains
|
|
used for St. Peter
|
|
mal -- Or better yet using those chains for your snow
|
|
tires.
|
|
Pope -- Modems: Of course. Clearly the work of the evil
|
|
Zakinthians
|
|
mal -- They'd got a big microwave beam set up somewhere
|
|
and are frying the phone lines.
|
|
Pope -- Well, he'll be back. what bugs me is: WHERE IS
|
|
EVERYONE ELSE?
|
|
mal -- The sumerians were smarter than us. THey used fires
|
|
on hill tops. That sort of communication is hard to
|
|
corrupt.
|
|
Pope -- Zakinthians: Hmmm, maybe I need more tin foil on my
|
|
head...
|
|
mal -- Or wrap the foil around the modem and nearby
|
|
telephone poles.
|
|
Pope -- Fires on hill tops: yes, either that or just plain
|
|
shouting... or maybe semaphore
|
|
mal -- Maybe we should switch to semaphore. I can't
|
|
imagine irc being so complicated people have
|
|
trouble using it.
|
|
mal -- Hmm well I've got the listserver now. We could
|
|
blast out another message.
|
|
Pope -- Neither can I, but you forget the first Truth of the
|
|
Inner Doctrine: XXXXX XXX XXXXXX [censored].
|
|
mal -- Oh dear.. that's the first truth of doing psychology
|
|
experiments.
|
|
Pope -- Perhaps we should try the listserver. If nothing
|
|
else we can completely piss people off
|
|
mal -- Okay.. I'll just send a message saying something
|
|
like Preach-o-rama now. Where are you?
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
THEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHE
|
|
####===================================================================####
|
|
--Subink 1993
|