365 lines
17 KiB
Plaintext
365 lines
17 KiB
Plaintext
DAMN IT! Why aren't you viewing the HYPERTEXT VERSION?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!!?..!
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°±²ÛßßßßßßßßÛßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßÛßßßßßßßßÛ²±°
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°±²Û ¿¿¿Â¿ Û Pizza Underground Digest Volume 3 Issue 03 Epic 67 Û Â¿¿¿Â¿ Û²±°
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°±²Û ³Ù³³³³ Û Serving the modem folks for a very really long time. Û ³Ù³³³³ Û²±°
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°±²Û Ù ÀÙÁÙ Û This issue composed mainly by: Baphomet the *.* Û Ù ÀÙÁÙ Û²±°
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°±²ÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛ²±°
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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"...it doesn't line up write on my computer..."[1]
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þ GR@@TS dU0dz!
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Hello and welcome to more of PUD! Yes, greeeaaaatttt! Woopidty. Okay
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contain yourself, no premature ejaculation allowed here. So why are
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you still reading this? Well there can be a number of reasons. One
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you have no life whatsoever. Two, your just a really PuDRific Kind of
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guy. Three, you think it's the in thing to do. Well your right it is!
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MTV recently did an expose on us and it be will airing in between YO!
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MTV Raps and thier new half-hour PolkAThOn hosted by none other than
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Jerry Lewis, so look for us there. Now on with the mayhem...
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þ MAIL! Really? Yes...
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Hey mail is great! And getting tossed off of some fido-net echos can not
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only be fun but is really good for your overall llarma. 'But how do I
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get tossed off of FidoNet' you whine? Well unlike VNET where you almost
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have to threaten Roland's life or just crack on VBBS for eighteen or
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nineteen messages straight, one message will usually suffice on Fido. So
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what, all mighty baph what do I post about? Well this is the fun part.
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Anything off topic or offensive. Huh? Okay listen go oh say into the
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fido gaming echo and say just hold down the return key for while, 14.4k
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or local prefered, and stop on a message any message. Okay now you will
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have a message from a really swell person. Oh say like on of the apogee
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game writers. Now all you do is tell him how much you hate his games and
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all apogee stands for and you finish it like this...
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[CUT]
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No flaming intended. No wait a second...yes it was. Damn I hate you.[2]
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[CUT]
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And the mail will come ROLLING IN! All kind of great replies from the
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dregs of modem society stuff like:
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[CUT]
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Wait mines a flame on you! you closed minded little geek!
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get a girlfriend![3]
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[CUT]
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Now what do you when you get stuff like this? After all you will more
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than likely only get a warning from your first message. So here you
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simply take any reply you get and just trash the hell out of the loser
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who sent it to you. Tossed. Gone. You'll get kicked off FidoNet faster
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than a VBBS SysOp can tell what day of the week it is.
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þ AutoPosts?
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So what do you so with that fine feature of VBBS? Well you use them
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to tell people how much you enjoy thier company. Here's an example from
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one of the 400 hundred local VBBS's...
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ AutoPost ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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By: Baphomet the limbo king #12
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Damn you ALL SUCK. SOMEONE ON ANY BOARD can talk shit. You correct them and
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all the little fags start crying. Damn your all sad. Besides 4Dos, not dos 4.0
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you idiots, is the only way to go. Ohhh go the fuck back to your Qbasic.Exe
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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By: Suicidal #113
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There is nothing wrong with correcting people, just don't be an asshole about
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it! Asshole, you suck! As for fag, well, I don't think so. You're the one
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who's always hanging on Beanie's right hand side...Hmmmm as for QBasic, C rulz
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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By: NO COURiER #148
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Talk a little more mess there, C boy. Programs tend to compile better
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under C when the computer is turned ON. This can depend on whether or not
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you have electricity....
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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By: Vixen #150
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hi... I missed you guys....
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ[4]
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þ Stealing Campsites for [P]HUN and Prophet.
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Okay so you want to become a god. Well it's damn easy and with a little
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bit of help from me on the proper way to steal campsites you too may
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one day become a proficent and great Phrophet of the World. Now becoming
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a god can sometimes be a difficult and trying time. In this time you
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will more than likely have to handle undo hardships such as death, small
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ugly children and many late night prayer sessions. So how do I prepare
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myself you ask? Well the answer is easy. Steal Campsites. Although many
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will not make the connection behind a good camp-site thief and a god, I
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in all my greatness, glory, masculinity, despera...oops...anywayz I have
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found the many benefits and godlike attributes that come from campsite
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theft. So how do I steal a campsite? First of all you must plan to go
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camping but UNDER no circumstances are you to prepare in any way other
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than invite people and take some tents with you. Do not check the tents
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for all parts and rely only on your memories of the tent as a small
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child. Next get a caravan of cars, more than is allowed at the campsite
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and drive to the gate[If they don't have a gate ignore the next part].
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Now at the gate you won't know the passcode to get in. That can be a big
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problem but not if you come adequatly prepaired. What do you need? A
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female. Preferebly one with an extrananous amount of some body-part or
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the other. Have her sit at the gate holding up traffic. Until someone
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who actually know the keycode comes up and lets her in. Then your in!
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Now for the theft. The best way to do this is to cruise through the many
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campgrounds looking for PAID lots, no use it getting those nasty unpaid
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ones. When you see one pull in and set up camp. Now if a ranger comes up
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you have to feign stupidity or you can always blame it on somebody else.
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That's the road I would take. The ranger goes by, you look for another
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camp and take it. If the man bothers you again, you kill him. Contrary
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to popular belief ranger uniforms when tightly wrapped around bodies
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burn rather well and they help you to build a great fire. Now I know
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you are asking how in the fuck does this make me godlike? Well it hasn't
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yet but that's because the night is still young. After finding out you
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are missing a great number of pieces needed to erect the tents here is
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where your godlike abilities come out. Simply stand around until some
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one who knows how to put up the tent does it. Here you have proced how
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menial tasks are below you and no god does menial tasks. After the tent
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is set up now you play stupid games based around the sport of your
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choice. Why? all gods need to be loosened up in case of a late night
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trip to the bathroom. Also if you piss people off playing your sports
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then you are doing well, after all every god must have enemies. Okay now
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for the fun part. But alas this is an unregistered copy of PUD and being
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such this story is stopped here. If you would like to recieve the full
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section on Phrophecy and CampSites then send $19.95 to Me. Care of DAMN
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THIS WAS A STUPID SECTION.
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þ Hymie [PART2]
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Hello. I'm Doctor Hymie. I will answer all of your C00L QueSTi0NS about
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medicine. You will find all you need to know from my "Univerisity of
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California at Berkeley Wellness Letter". In it, you will find tips like:
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<09> Enrichening your diet with beta carotene. Beta carotene
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is the nutrient in fruits and egetabes that your body
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converts to vitamin A. Vitamin A plays a vital role in
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the production of sphygma (commonly known as "eye crap").
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<09> To cut fat and calories, use less oil when cooking your
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deli delights. Often, the fat present in the food you
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are cooking is more than enough to thoroughly cook your
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food. For instance, did you know that the average ten
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pound baby has more than four pounds of fat?
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<09> Eat a raw potato. The average uncooked potato has enough
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micro-organisms thriving inside it to give you a rush, an
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alimentary rush, but a rush nonetheless. You'll be the
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envy of all of your friends. They will think that your
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case of diarrhea was caused by a visit to exotic Mexico,
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but only you will know that it was caused by eating an
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ordinary household potato.
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<09> Accentuate the positive. Researchers have found that the
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keys to reducing stress are finding the good in all
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things. For example: Call it "a chance to catch up on
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your relaxation," don't call it "total unreversable
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paralysis." Call it "not having to worry about athlete's
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foot", don't call it "an amputation." Call it a "really
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close haircut," don't call it a "scalping". Remember:
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focus on the good things.
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<09> It's not true that dark sunglasses cause your pupils to
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dialate and thus admit more ultaviolet rays. Suprisingly,
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you can massively dialte your eyes by merely taking one of
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your mom's perscription barbituates.
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<09> Allow microwaved food to stand after cooking. Heat tends to
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concentrate on the inside and only several minutes after
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cooking will it radiate outwards. Anyone who's ever micro-
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waved a cat can tell you that while kitty's fur is still
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all soft and cozy and kitt's nose is still cold and snotty,
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kitty's internal organs are hot enough to burn your tongue.
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Be careful with that microwave cuisine!
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But that's just a preview. In the newsletter you will also find out:
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The First Thing to do After Accidental Finger Removal
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How to Pop your Brother's Arm Out of Socket
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How to Painfully Re-Socket Your Brother's Arm
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The Benefits of a Good Beating
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Ten Reasons Why Inhaling Glue is Good for You
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How Running from the Police is Aerobic Excercise
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Early Detection of Prostrate Cancer for Fun an Profit
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Convincing you Sister's Friends to Jump Rope for Their Health
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How to get a Quick High from Walnuts
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Healthy Llama Recipes
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Why Beating your Red Meat is Unhealthy
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The Healthy Way to Tenderize You Red Meat
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The Smart Way to Get a Mammogram
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The Benefits of a Wet Nap versus a Wet Dream
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The High Tech Way to Hit on Babes
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And before you ask "How can I get a copy of the newsletter?" there's
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more:
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ALL SUBSCRIBERS WILL RECEIVE A COMPLIMENTARY
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LESSON IN YOGA POSITIONS FROM TALKING GIRL!!!
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Now you can ask. Thanks for asking. The only way to obtain the
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newsletter is to read PuD, the only place (so far) that has accepted the
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newsletter for publication. Obviously, the taste of modern day publications
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has declined to the point of not appreciating the subtle humour of Dr. Hymie
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and associates. Their loss.
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<---------------------------------------------------------------------------->
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EDITORIAL BOARD OF ADVISORS:
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Chairman: Adivisor of Gynecology:
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Buster Hymen, B.S., M.D. Mike Hunt, M.D., OB/GYN.
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Associate Chairmen: Tuber Advisor:
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Baph O. Met, B.S., Ph.D. Digit Al Saint, B.S., Dr.T.S.
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N. O. COURiER, B.S., GYN.
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þ [MaF] Artwork!
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Yes! Here is a ton of [MaF] artwork for you discriminating collectors.
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°°°°°
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°°°
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ÜÜÜÜ°ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜßÜ
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Û±±±±ß±±±±±±±ßßÜ Üß±±ÞÝ
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ÞݱO±±±±±±±±±±±±±ßßß±±±±±Û
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Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û
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Û±±±±Â±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ
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Û±±±±³±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û
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ÞÝÄÄÄÙ±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ
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Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÜÜßßßßܱÛ
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ßßßßßßßßßßßßßß ß
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[Mooga, the Whale]
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ÛÛ
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°°°°° ÛÛ
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°°° ÛÛ
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ÜÜÜÜ°ÜÜÜÜÛÛÜ ÜßÜ
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Û±±±±ß±±±±ÛÛ±ßßÜ Üß±±ÞÝ
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ÞݱO±±±±±±±ÛÛ±±±±ßßß±±±±±Û
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Û±±±±±±±±±±ÛÛ±±±±±±±±±±±±Û
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Û±±±±Â±±±±±±Û±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ
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ÛÛÛ±±±±³±±±±±±Û±±±±±±±±±±±±Û ÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛoÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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[Mooga, on a Sailboat]
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°°°°°
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°°°
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ÜÜÜÜ°ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜßÜ
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Û±±±±ß±±±±±±±ßßÜ Üß±±ÞÝ ÛÛ
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ÞݱO±±±±±±±±±±±±±ßßß±±±±±Û ÛÛÛ
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ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÛÛÛÛ
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³ÛÛ²²²ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛ²²²²ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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³ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÚÄ
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ÀÄÄÄ¿ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÚÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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[Mooga, on a Plane.]
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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³° ³
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ÜÜܳÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ³ ÜßÜ
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Û±±±³ß±±±±±±±ßßܳ Üß±±ÞÝ
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ÞݱO±³±±±±±±±±±±±³ßß±±±±±Û
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Û±±±±³±±±±±±±±±±±³±±±±±±±Û
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Û±±±±³±±±±±±±±±±±³±±±±±±±ÞÝ
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Û±±±±³ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ³±±±±±±±Û
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ÞÝÄÄijÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ³±±±±±±ÞÝ
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Û±±±³ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ³ßßßßܱÛ
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ßßßÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ ß
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[Mooga, on a Hot Air Balloon]
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°°°°°
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°°°
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Tandy ÜÜÜÜ°ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜßÜ
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/ Û±±±±ß±±±±±±±ßßÜ Üß±±ÞÝ
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ÄÄÄ¿ ÞݱO±±±±±±±±±±±±±ßßß±±±±±Û
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ÛÛÛ³ Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û
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ÛÛÛ³ Û±±±±Â±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ
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ÛÛÛ³ Û±±±±³±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û
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ÛÛÛ³ ÞÝÄÄÄÙ±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ
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ÄÄÄÙ Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÜÜßßßßܱÛ
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ÛÛÛÄÄÄ¿ ßßßßßßßßßßßßßß ß
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛ³ [Mooga, Leeching WaReZ]
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þ J0KeS fOr FuN!
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***NOTE*** this can be an extremely dangerous and unhealthy joke to
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play on someone if they are not prepaired for the Earth Shattering
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consequences it can have. You have been warned, proceed...
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Phone Joke number 1:
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First you need a really great person on the other end, oh someone
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like K0LBeRT KiD number whatever. Then when you have decided that
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15 seconds you have already spent talking to him is hell you play
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the really groovy joke on him. All you do is ask him to count to
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some easy number, I recommend 5. Note that hear the prey may seem
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to struggle but just keep prodding them, they will give in soon.
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When your pray begins to count, hang-up. Fun and efficient. Now
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call someone else so the line is busy when they dial in. They may
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or may not depeneding think that the hang-up was an accident.
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Phone Joke number 2:
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Next you need a really bright operator. Tell her you want to call
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any foriegn country. ANY one. All you need is the country code no
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use in bothering with a real full number. Now that you have the
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operator on the line tell her the number you wish to dial. When
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she asks how will you be paying, you answer change of course. She
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will already be really pissed just at that fact. So she will now
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wait on, oh say 3 bucks and then she starts to dial...Let her get
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almost all of the way done then INTERRUPT her. Tell her you gave
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her the wrong number. Repeat this wrong number process three or
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four times and VIOLA! The operator will actually HANG up on you!
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þ Sources for Qoutes:
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[1]: Acoustic Saint aka Digital Saint:
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Said when asked about how he liked the hypertext version of PUD 3
|
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1. It seems he couldn't understand the coherant and docile screen
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made for us by [MaF] to be the main menu.
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[2]: Cut from one of my posts to some head apogee guy...
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[3]: A rebuttal from apogee freak's really protective friends...
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[4]: AutoPosts stolen courtesy of Midian.
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[5]: Or whatever the current name may be. Right now it is 'used to be
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VOC before it got hit by a virus.' The name varies from week to
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week and with the number one poster on the board.
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[6]: Based on an actual statement from a local WWiV sysop when he was
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telling us how the Doughnut girl actually called him a regular. But
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wait she even knew what his table was and what the 'usual' means.
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[7]: A word of advice for all of us to follow... Sent in mail to Digital
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Saint when he was saying something about his 'really good coded'
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BBS locking up.
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þ MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL
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|
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PuD senior editors can always be reached at:
|
||
Baphomet the Limbo King 14@2506 WWIVNET
|
||
NO COURiER 25@2506 WWIVNET
|
||
Or call Project-X[5] and EMAIL us there at (205)-883-0894
|
||
|
||
Contributing users may be more difficult to find:
|
||
HymieÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ84@2506 WWIVNET
|
||
fReD tHe HiTmAn Currently a 'Regular' at a doughnut place.[6]
|
||
The BrAvE LiTtLe ToAsteR At a stolen Camp Site.
|
||
G-BUNNY Sid's Mouth O'Rama.
|
||
Biscuit and Gravy Hunting BasketBalls.
|
||
|
||
Date Released: Mon 05-27-1993
|
||
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
|
||
¿ÀÙÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿ÚÚÙ¿À¿Ú¿¿ÀÙÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿ÚÚÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿À¿ÚÀÙÙÀ¿ÚÚ¿À¿ÚÀÙ¿À¿Ú¿¿ÀÙÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿ÚÚÀÚÀÙ¿À¿Ú
|
||
À¿ÙÀ¿ÚÚ´EndingÄQouteÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿¿Ú¿¿ÀÙÀ
|
||
ÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿³ Perhaps you should take a look at VBBS... [7]³À¿Ú¿¿ÀÙ
|
||
ÚÚ¿À¿ÚÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙÙÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ
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||
ÙÀ¿ÚÚ¿À¿ÚÀÙÙÀ¿ÚÚ¿À¿ÚÀÙ¿À¿Ú¿¿ÀÙÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿ÚÚ¿À¿ÀÙ¿ÀÙ¿ÀÙÚ¿Ú¿¿ÀÀÙ¿À¿ÀÙÙ¿ÚÀÙ¿À¿¿ÀÙÀÙÀ
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