1780 lines
95 KiB
Plaintext
1780 lines
95 KiB
Plaintext
P-O-U-P-E-Y SIXTEEN! WOO HAH! JUBJUB IS FIRED!
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POUPEY. (intro)
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thasright now.
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FUCK YAH!
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Fuck all you slimy fucking nig greasballs. Fuck you italian meatballs.
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Fuck you patties. Fuck you ankle biters (you included mogel). And FIST
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FUCK ALL YOU FUCKING REPUBLICANS@!@!$ UP THE FUCKING ASS@!!@$! The poor
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don't want less soup, the gays don't want "Official hate gay day" the
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blacks don't want pictures of them in suits with penis hanging out semi
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erect. I don't fucking want you in office. So from now on, only my vote
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counts. Also, you democrats. GRAHHH!#@$!@$!$#@ Just as bad as the
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republicans. Almost worse, because you pretend to be about freedom.
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FUCKERS!! I will PERSONALLY kill EVERYONE of you until we can put some non
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THEM controlled people in. F-U-C-K-E-R-S! Poupey is back ya see? no longer
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sleeping!#@$ We will fight.. in the houses. outhouses. We will fight, in
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the pancake houses. We will fight, in the green houses with a goat. We
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will fight, in the dog house with a moat. by the way, jubjub is
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FIREDDDDD!!
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(gradual combination of 3 entirely different things)
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-----------------------------------------------------
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Page break HERE! Jubjub is FIREDDDD!!!
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-----------------------------------------------------
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the inzane TRUE story I wrote after staying up all night -nybar
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ok. lets be honest here. I stayed up all night. ok? I said it. fuck you.
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anyway, right now it's 12:00. I don't know why I stayed up so long. I
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can't go to sleep. I even tried eating some grubs. Grubs. MMMM. Anyway..
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I am writing this all right now. The whole issue. Which isn't much,
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because poupey issues aren't usually big cause I write all of them you
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BASTARDS I HATE YOUR GUTS YOU READ AND YET YOU NEVER SUBMIT I NEED TO
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PRETEND TO BE MOGEL!@#$!@$ anyyyyway.. ehehehehe.. I remember pretending
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to be mogel:
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/m antihero man.. you really need to submit to dto!
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we are, like, desperate!
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antihero: oh really? whyzat?
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/m antihero we only have 20k, and we're 2 weeks overdue.
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antihero: sucky, I'll start work on it at work tomorrow
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/m antihero no.. now.
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antihero: umm.. ok.
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pixy-: you aren't REALLY mogel.. are you?
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/m pixy- who, me?
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-----
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heheh.. that ruled. that idiot never finished though. stupid antihero!!
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the fucking cog is in the stofe for once! wait.. did what I just say make
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sense? who the hell am I talking to anyway. I am typing with preternatural
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speed. it's wierd. also thoughts are coming super fast thats why I
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decided to put on some pants (err.. pull up my sleeves I mean <blush>) and
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write poupey. You see, medear... you will never have as large a dick as
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mine. And the Fonz can out fuck you anyday. hwah. oh wait thats part of
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umm.. wait.. was it.. oh I dunno.. the erotic mind control archive?
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Monkies anonymous? ohh I don't even know what I'm typing anymore. ya see
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it's like in that beatles song they were talking about you. Oh wait I
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forgot. oh fuck.. hanson... fuck mtv sucks man marily manson fuck I'm
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never going to watch these video awars again oh fuck this fucking sucks.
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JUBJUB IS FIREEEEDD!!!! FIREEDDD! HE.. IS... TOAST!
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--------------------------------------------------------------
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this page break copyrighted 1997 by JUBJUB IS FIRED industries.
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--------------------------------------------------------------
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The story about the leprechaun I wrote after staying up all night -nybar
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"Uh oh.. this is bad."
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the leprachaun thought. he had to pee. right after announcing himself as
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the leprachaun with the traditional scary "AHH'M DA LEPRACHAUN!" he had to
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fucking PEE! And he was getting horny. This really sucked. I mean.. what
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could he do? Just say "Hey waitasec.. don't run away with the pot of
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gold.. I need to go pee and masturbate (wherever leprechauns go to do
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that)." Yeah right. And he needed to go so badly he was dying. The
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erection he was getting didn't help any. The person he was scaring was
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just standing there, tapping her foot. Then, it happened. He peed himself.
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She could see it, too!!! Aww man... sucky.. she ran away trying to do the
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traditional screaming thing, but ended up laughing like hell. He said "Ahh
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what the hell" and started masturbating. Then, the worst thing possible
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happened. Some jerk photogropher took his picture! How would he ever get
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over THIS little scandal. I mean sure.. the people might elect a
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leprechaun who insisted in dressing in green and marching in the gay
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rights parade *not to mention scaring and ocasionally killing people who
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tried to take his gold* but M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-I-N-G?!@$ NO WAY! He thought
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of how irrational this was.. then remembered something.. some number he
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had seen... about... getting rid of republicans and their stupid logic...
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just one small contribution could help buy weaponry to end a stupid
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regime!
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302-555-NYBAR! (it's nybar's work number. call it to send in a donation.
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snake face handles calls. please, we are all that stand between,
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you, mind control, and col sanders. like this:
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YOU |us | Sanders, (and his mind control)
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| |here!| ------------------------
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\ / | | ||
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| | \ /
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O | |
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-|- | | EVILEVILBADGIVEMONEYTONYBAR!
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/ \ | |
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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jubjub has a small dick. he no longer edits poupey. I do. he is fired.
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fuck him. oh wait can't he has a to small of a dick. haha.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The crazy story I wrote after staying up all night - by nybar
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If I were a drummer.. would I not still... not.. know how to play drums?
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If.. the universe.. the.. unvierse..r 1342.ed.234.e.1$# -tales from the
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ghetto
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anyway, as one of my idols, yellow kid weil said: it only takes one
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mistake for the criminal to be "fired" it takes the cops a thousand.
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and yer no yellow kid weil m'boy. it's time to be realistic. it's like
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this: I'm being a condescending dude with no point just because there's no
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chance you will respond. get it? ARGHHH I'M SO FUCKING PISSED!@$#
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DAMNIT!@$ IN THE NORTH AMERICAN DUB OF SAILOR MOON THEY MADE IT A KIDDIE
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SHOW!@$# IT USED TO BE... HOW TO SUM IT UP.. JAPANESE!@$!@$!#@$!#@$ NOT
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SOME FUCKING AMERICAN FUCK IT'S FUCKING NOTHING BUT A SHITTY FUCKING SHIT
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FUCK!#@$ ARGHHH!#@$!#@$ see.. the cd player agrees with me. it's loudly
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playing tom waits. by the way.. my idols are: yellow kid weil. count
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lustig. thomas paine. thomas jefferson. and napolean. Though napoleans
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inflated ego often got the better of him, he was, most definately, a
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genius of the highest callibre. Look at all the reforms he passed in
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france. or austerlitz. ahhhh austerlitz.. still talleyrand wuz smarter.
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See, like I was saying to mogel.. seen the movie trainspotting.. it's like
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about growing up and shit.. ya know? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!! I FUCKING
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LOVE THE WORLD!! WHEEEE! I AM THE EGGMAN.. YOU ARE THE EGGMAN.. I FUCKING
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HATE EGGS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH STILL I WISH I HAD A HARD BOILED ONE UP MY ASS
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RIGHTTTT.. NOWWW!! Sorry.. random burst of energy.......................
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btw fin.
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------------------------------------------------------------------------
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yellow man.. jubjub sucks.. broke his ass.. with a duck, widda knick nack
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jubjub is fired..
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------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The story I wrote after creed said poupey was a y0lk wannabe.. - by nybar
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hah. asshole.
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listen up, BUCKO!@$ if y0lk could even APPROACH the amount of SHEER ANGST
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professed in poupey, all of you sissy fucking farmy fucks would fucking
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explode into nothing but a fucking shit pond full of water. SHIT and
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water. sometimes even SHITTY water. If I wiped my ass with y0lk I would be
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ruining this computer. tv's sqiggy agrees with me on this..
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Squiggy "I'll see it, when I believe it."
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listen up abe, the water zombies sold their souls to skull master because
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he lied to them, tricking them into thinking that he was saving them from
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the collapse of their under-sea thing and would re-animate them. DUHHHH!!
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DIDN'T YOU EVEN SEE THE EPISODE YOU FUCKING RETARD! Oh.. and the ants
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whose blood hurts you are white. believe me, I know. just looke at this
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nose. FISHBAIT!
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HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH@#$!@4!@$!@$!$@
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-------------------------------------------------------------------
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The poupey novel is coming soon to bookstores near you.. it's called
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jubjub is FIREEDD!#@$
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-------------------------------------------------------------------
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And now.. a massage (heh, massage) from our author...
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I would like to profess my most sincere interest in killing and horribly
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mutilfired him. I'm the president of this `zine. he WAS the lowly editor.
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now I edit it also. heres how it happened: Me "Hey jubs.. ahh... make
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poupey." Jubjub "Sorry.... to lazy. As a matter of fact poupey is
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disbanded." Me "Whoops, I think not, I'm the president. You're fired."
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Jubjub "Fine.. bet you can't make an issue by yourself within one year."
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Me "Oh FUCKING fucked up FUCKIE fucked SHIT FUCK yeah?" Thank you.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------
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http://home.earthlink.net/~doncameron/rapelist.html
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over 2000 movies with rape in them now online!!
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-------------------------------------------------------------------
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The Adventures of the Non-Horny Guy (who the chicks dig) - by Nybar
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*The non horny guy walks into the brothel. He is here to deliver a package.*
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Sexy Hooker "Ohh non horny guy.. may I please suck your penis"
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Non Horny guy "You MAYYYYYYYyyyyy.."
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Sexy Hooker "CAN I?"
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NHG "You CANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN..."
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Sexy Hooker "Will I?!??!"
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NHG "I dunno; WILL YOU?!@#$"
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Sexy Hooker "AHH YOU ARE SO SEXY I WANT TO SCREAM! WILL YOU LET ME?!@$#"
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NHG "Sorry toots, I'm just not horny enough.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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the last file is over dumbass, this is a page break
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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and now an intermission, please buy our poupey products!! such as ms.
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potato face (note the bow)
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o _______________________________
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________&_______ o | |
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/ \ o |why do i have legs in my mouth?|
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/ \ o |_______________________________|
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/----(.)-----(*)-----\
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/ <> <> \
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\-/-----| \\ /_ // |-----\-/
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| | \\ // | |
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| \\// |
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\ /
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\ /
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\ /
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\________________/
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// \\
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_// \\_
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---------------------------------------------------------------
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and next comes the faked story of how jubjub got fired!! yay!
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---------------------------------------------------------------
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Jubjub "ok nybar.. I'm thinking for the next issue of poupey.. we'll have
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lots of cutesy things! you know! kid oriented! like mr.lemonaid head... ya
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know?"
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Nybar "Mr. Lemonaid head? Ahh jubjub.. that's the japenese equivelant of
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the playboy bunny."
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Jubjub "Grr.. ya know.. like.. mr hooter scooter.."
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Nybar "Swedish equivelant.."
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Jubjub "Mr. The fucking cock sucker that goes in and out of the pussy!!"
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Nybar "Nope, thats the irish version."
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Jubjub "Shit, irish? ohh I see. should have known. Ok then, I DISBAND
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POUPEY! YUP! POUPEY IS CANCELED!"
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Nybar "Whoops.. wrong again.. I'm the president.. and for that little bit
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of insolence, you.. are.. fIRED!"
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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wuzn't dat elite?!@ JUBJUB IS FUCKING FIRED! YAY!
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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(NOTE: the following was written before jubjub was fired, be warned.)
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Primo shoes=Mucho profit: A buisness lesson for the 90's? - by Nybar
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---------
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One day.. I was going shopping at the grocery store.
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Jubjub was there to. It might be noted that we got 3
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boxes of fruit rollups.. which are addictive. If they
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illeagelized them.. the price would skyrocket. Everyone
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I know is a junky. Since this is supposed to be a buisness
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lesson.. or at least the title says so.. I think I will
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put in alot of ways to earn money without having to
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actually do much work.
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LESSON ONE: The Fruit Rollup Scam
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---
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For advanced fruit rollup scammers only
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---
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Ok.. what you do.. is go to a grocery store,
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And scope out the fruit rollup section. Then..
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have your partner start making a little
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distraction.. such as running naked through the
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aisles.. yelling "I'M A REPUBLICAN NUDIST!!"
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or something like that. Most of the security will
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be called in to restrain him/her (works best with
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a female <winkwink>).Then fill up a shopping cart
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with all of the fruit rollups or spinnoffs on
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display.. and run off. Most of the security will
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be gone from the door.. and the rest just run
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through. Make sure to conceal your face. Your
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partner usually gets off with nothing but a slap
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on the wrist or a rat tail in the ass or
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something. When you get him/her out of jail, go
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to another grocery store.. with you making the
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distraction this time. Once you have cleaned out
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most of the big suppliers.. you can pick junkies
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off of the street and sell the stuff for an
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inflated price. Another trick is to divert trucks.
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Just be creative.
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Lesson 2: Coupon Fraud
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You know those things in grocery stores that
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automatically give out free coupons? You can only
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get two out at first.. but eventually they come
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back. If you run through a big grocery store.. the
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ones that have run out will have re-loaded by the
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time you get back to them. Then.. wait until you
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get a clerk that looks kind of wet behind the ears.
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Give this clerk the coupons and the stuff they are
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for and you can get FREE stuff. YEAH!
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Lesson 3: The poupey seminar
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Nybar "Hello all, I would like to thank you
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for attending the poupey seminar.
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Froboy "As would I"
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Nybar "Before we can teach you how to make ..
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BIG.. <flashes some 100 dollar bills>
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money.. we must be introduced. My name
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is nybar.. I run a LEGITIMATE buisness
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involving smuggling pandas from the rain
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forests and having them stuffed.. to be
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sold to sweet little girls. Did I mention
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it's LEGITIMATE?"
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Froboy "And you may call me the pillsbury fro
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boy.. or bravehair. I run a small..
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MILLION DOLLAR A YEAR, FOR ME!! Industry
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involving doing seminars for idiotic
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individuals and selling infomercial
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merchandise which just happened to be
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lying in the basement. Buy YOUR yard
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golf set.. (yolf), food dehydrator..
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and hair-remover TODAY! BUYBUYBUY."
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<woman from audience stands up>
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Infomercial Women "Well.. my COMPLETELY un-edited, personal...
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UN-payed opionon is that everyone should buy
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this stuff. Froboy Stupid Products has been
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turning out fine products since the first broom
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and a half came off the production line. Keep em
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coming boys!!" <smiles a smile bigger than the
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mason dixon line.. thumbs up>
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<woman sits down>
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Froboy "Why.. thank you for your... UNBRIBED.... opinion of my
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products. I AM RICH!! So anyway.. now it's time for the
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POUPEY MONEY-MAKING SEMINAR."
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Nybar "The first thing you have to have is ANGST!! If your angsty
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enough.. you can do anything. If you don't have any money..
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MAKE SOME! Go out on the street and punch someone out and
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take their money. Repeat. Then.. buy some herion or cocaine,
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put it in some cookies.. sell them.. and then build a multi-
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billion dollar a second industry!!!!!!!!"
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Froboy "This plan ALWAYS works!!!!!"
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<fatguy who we payed to stand up stands up>
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Fatguy "I'M NOT CONVINCED!!"
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<fatguy sits down>
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Froboy "Let my cohort in crime, my buisness buddy, the money making
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master: Nybar! Tell you a little story. It's called.. Primo
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shoes <points at his nice shoes> MUCHO PROFIT <holds up 20
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$100 dollar bills>"
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Nybar "Thank you my advanced associate... my shining schemer, my
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swift swindler; I believe I WILL tell that story. It allll
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began when we were going grocery shopping:
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<fade to flashback thingie>
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<----------------Flashback Time-------------------->
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!!!
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Myself (Nybar) and jubjub had just come out
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from grocery shopping. We were going into the car.. when
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something odd caught my eye. Some redneck who had a beat
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hay-truck had left his SHOES on top of the hay in back...
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primo shoes.. to say the least. Thinking that I could later
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sell them for mucho profit; I snatched them. Unluckily.. the
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rednecks dog (who was in the truck) started barking. That
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brought the redneck out. But jubjub and I managed to escape,
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I, cursing all the while "Primo shoes.. mucho profit.. primo
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shoes.. FUCKING MUCHO PROFIT FOR FUCKING PRIMO SHOES!!!"
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<-------------------------------------------------->
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<fatguy stands up again>
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Fatguy "How would that convince me?!?!"
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Froboy "Ahh.. but the plot thickens.. care to tell the rest..
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my alleged alibi?"
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Nybar "Nay.. my panhandling partner.. you my apply the coupe
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de gra."
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Froboy "Then apply it I will!!! MONEY! <flashes those 20's again>
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<--------------------FLASHBACK TIME (AGAIN)---------------->
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With Nybar still stinging from being caught by the yellow-
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bellied cow tipper, good news would be viewed as deliverance
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to the ones who were close to him. HAIL NYBAR, THE RAVE KING,
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AND THE MONEYMAKING PRINCE!! That news came in the form of
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... well.. alot of people being shot by guns. Let me explain:
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While jubjub was watching TV.. he saw a program on CNN..
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or some other such channel.. when it came to a thing about
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peoples relatives and accquantices being shot by guns. With
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the MAN in the white house.. little was being done to stem
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the tides of death.. so 10,000 of the guys N gals who had
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known those shot were sending in the people who had been
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killed SHOES. They were going to put them on the steps of the
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U.S. Senate building.. forget what it's called. Now THERE
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were some primo shoes.. and .. repeat it with me..
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<all> "PRIMO SHOES=MUCHO PROFIT!!"
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So.. hopping on the train to washington with many boxes,
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bags, and other carrying units.. nybar, jubjub, and I hopped
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a cab to the senate building.. took the shoes.. and the rest,
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as they say.. is history. That is how we got our start as
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infomercial mongers.. exploiting the masses.
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<----------------------------------------------------------------->
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Nybar "And now.. are you convinced.. my fat friend.. my slow
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joe, my big pig?"
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Fatguy "... yes"
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Froboy "So; my caperous cohort, my mischivous misleader, my
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startling stalker.. will you proceed with the final,
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short, lesson?"
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Nybar "Indubitably"
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Froboy "Proceed.."
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Nybar "The final, most important, shortest.. lesson
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IS: If you want to be rich.. don't waist money
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going to seminars that insult your intelligance
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and cost $100 admission"
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Froboy "Ciao, folks"
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Nybar "Before I go.. MONEY <nybar flashes 300 $100 dollar
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bills, and 20 buckets of quarters>
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Nybar "G'night folks"
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Froboy "One last thing.... MONEY!!!!!!
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<nybar, froboy.. and 300 dancing broadway girls
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start dancing on top of a GIANT vat of money!>
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FIN
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
the next thing yo's gonna read is the zinboobi six.. thing. I'm ashamed
|
|
because I sold out in these. read ahead.. if you DARE! (the sixth is the
|
|
best, the fifth is the second best, ect)
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
1996: An URBAN Oddessy
|
|
----------------------
|
|
|
|
Bad hangover and little sleep. To much coffee..
|
|
Not enough effect. My name is jubjub.. for those of you
|
|
who don't know. It's a normal day in my life; another
|
|
night in a cheap motel. As I was settling down to watch
|
|
some tv and listen to some music.. I was distracted by
|
|
a moaning sound.. and a clawing at the door. I opened the
|
|
door. It was my brother and then roomate nybar. He was
|
|
extremely beaten up. He looked like somethin outta the
|
|
toilet. I asked him what had happened.. and he uttered one
|
|
one singular; disturbing word: `Zinboobi'. I said `NO..
|
|
NOT Zinboobi!' right before he passed out. Let me explain
|
|
about that name. Now.. we used to be prize-wrestlers in
|
|
world wrestling federation. We were the best out there..
|
|
and we wanted to prove it. Those were the good days.
|
|
Anyway... about the name Zinboobi; The name Zinboobi
|
|
comes from a match we once had. At the end of the
|
|
wrestling season.. there is the finale; the champs fight
|
|
eachother. They were the other champ. We.. of course.. had
|
|
to strive feverously until we beat them. We worked out
|
|
for weeks.. often until we passed out. Whenever we talked
|
|
to them.. they seemed well-rested.. and confident. And
|
|
they never seemed to exercise. When the big match came..
|
|
Nybar went to say `let the best man win' in the nybar-way.
|
|
He came back disillusioned about wrestlings authenticity.
|
|
He told me he had found STERIODS in their warm-up room.
|
|
My hopes, dreams, and thoughts shattered around me. I would
|
|
never be the same. He thought we had to throw the match..
|
|
but I knew that if we threw the match.. we would be no
|
|
better then they were. We would be letting down millions
|
|
of fans. It would be like shoeless joe throwing the world
|
|
series. We had to fight. The fighting was fierce. I nearly
|
|
got KILLED. Good thing it was alternating. Nybar bravely
|
|
fought Eziekial Zinboobi while I rested. He managed to
|
|
win; because I had weakened him. Then.. I fought abraham
|
|
Zinboobi to a standstill. We had won. They swore revenge.
|
|
Only later did the manager tell me he had known about
|
|
the steriods... and if we told.. we wouldn't live to
|
|
talk about it. That was the same day he got Me and nybar's
|
|
resignation from world-class federation wrestling. We used
|
|
to be rich, happy, and beloved. Now we were jobless;
|
|
joyless, and avoided. Still.. we fought clean. When nybar
|
|
came to.. he told me that while he was bringing the
|
|
groceries home.. he was jumped by both zinboobie's at the
|
|
same time. He didn't stand a chance. And he said they were
|
|
bigger and stronger then before. He also told me that they
|
|
were coming for us. He said they said something like
|
|
`NYBAR YOU BASTARD! HERES A MESSAGE FOR THAT BROTHER
|
|
OF YOURS: THE BIG MAN DOESN'T LIKE RATS!' It was
|
|
tournament day all over again. I hadn't said anything
|
|
about it. But then I realised it. NYBAR! YOU COULDN'T
|
|
HAVE!!
|
|
|
|
Nybar "I'm sorry man. I couldn't stand it anymore. The
|
|
Constant guilt. The searing pain. The thought that scum
|
|
like that weren't kicked out. Searing my sould. Grinding
|
|
my bones. I haven't slept for the thought of it. I reported
|
|
it to my lawyer. He says we have a big case."
|
|
|
|
Me "I understand how you feel man. I've often thought of
|
|
telling about those scum myself. But I couldn't bear the
|
|
thought of what they might do to me and mine"
|
|
|
|
Nybar "The only way we are ever going to live this through
|
|
is together. The court date is the 21'st."
|
|
|
|
Me "THATS A WEEK FROM NOW!"
|
|
|
|
Nybar "I know. And no one *REALLY* seems to believe me.
|
|
Witness protection is refused. Today is going to be ...
|
|
difficult."
|
|
|
|
Me "Today IS going to be difficult. You look bad. Sleep"
|
|
|
|
....
|
|
|
|
Thats one of the good things about nybar.. no need to tell.
|
|
him twice. He was sleeping like a baby by the time his
|
|
head hit the pillow. If I had a pillow. But it was time
|
|
I started following my own advice. I hadn't slept for a
|
|
long time to. It was a big burder off my shouders that
|
|
nybar had told them. I could now sleep in peace. Now..
|
|
another burden. Keeping alive until the trial. Out of the
|
|
frying pan and into the fire.. thats me. No need for
|
|
serious thought now. Only need for sleep.
|
|
|
|
.....
|
|
|
|
I slept a long.. dreamless night. I woke up feeling semi
|
|
refreashed. Right when I woke up.. something hit me. It
|
|
was a smell. It smelled like pancakes and sausage. Nybar
|
|
was cooking breakfast. No need to get jumpy. I decided to
|
|
walk into the kitchen and get my fair share. I was half
|
|
asleep.. so it didn't really hit me until I went into the
|
|
kitchen. The place was wrecked. There had obviously been
|
|
a huge struggle. Nybar was no where to be found.. and
|
|
belive me.. I looked. On the door of the apartment was a
|
|
note. It said that if I ever wanted to see my brother
|
|
again.. I had to go to a particular house that was just
|
|
around the block. If I brought help, nybar's life was
|
|
forfeit. If I didn't come.. nybar was as good as dead.
|
|
It was a no win situation. I wish nybar were here... but
|
|
he was still busy being kidnapped. Those BASTARDS!!!
|
|
They wrecked my apartment. They broke into my abode. They
|
|
kidnapped my brother. I dropped to my knees, and yelled..
|
|
in a star trek-like way
|
|
"ZINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBIII
|
|
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
|
|
This.... was.... a.... SHOWDOWN! When I arrived in the
|
|
building specified by the note.. everything was dark..
|
|
with no light switches in sight. I yelled; quite stupidly,
|
|
in hindsight; "HELLO!?$#% YOU BETTER BE HERE Zinboobi'S!
|
|
AND YOU TO, BIG MAN!" and then waited. No answer. I
|
|
shouted again. Still no answer. Right when I was
|
|
considering going out and getting help.. I heard a voice:
|
|
|
|
"Good night, Mr. Jubjub"
|
|
|
|
WHACK!
|
|
|
|
When I awoke.. I was in a room as dark as the one I was
|
|
previously in. I was sitting, tied up.. to a chair at a
|
|
desk.. under a very bright, hot.. light. And then I
|
|
noticed something else. I wasn't alone in this room. I
|
|
didn't know it then.. but it was the big man.
|
|
|
|
The big man "Greetings, Mr. Jubjub"
|
|
Jubjub "WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME HERE?!@ WHY HAVE YOU
|
|
DESTROYED EVERYTHING THATS EVER MATTERED?#@?%@#%
|
|
The big man "Isn't it obvious? You've threatened my
|
|
operation!! And about me destroying everything that ever
|
|
mattered to you.. I assure you that your brother is quite
|
|
intact"
|
|
Jubjub "WHERE IS HE?$!~@#@%"
|
|
The big man "He could be... anywhere. muahahhahahaha!"
|
|
Jubjub "Why have you brought me here?!#?$"
|
|
The big man "To extend a little.. offer."
|
|
Jubjub "Oh.. an OFFER eh? Like WHAT.. SCUM!?"
|
|
The Big Man "You and your brother used to be the best
|
|
wrestlers I ever had. The public loved you. If you would
|
|
just.. drop the charges...."
|
|
Me "NEVER!"
|
|
The Big Man "Maybe you don't feel like co-operating right
|
|
now. A little nap might help your temper. Hanz, franz;
|
|
if you please?"
|
|
|
|
WHACK
|
|
|
|
I woke up in his basement. When I saw the door.. I knew
|
|
there was no escape. It was bolted, and re-inforced.
|
|
There was one upside. Nybar was there.. looking better
|
|
then I probably did. Having nothing to do.. we decided
|
|
to tell eachother what happened. Heres nybar's story:
|
|
|
|
Nybar "I woke up at around eight. I was really hungry.. so I
|
|
decided to make breakfast. Then I heard someone knocking
|
|
on the door. It was the pizza guy. Still being pretty
|
|
tired.. I didn't notice that it was 8:35 in the morning.
|
|
He asked if I wanted to have his pizza... and I said
|
|
yeah. When I opened it.. alot of gas came out. I woke up
|
|
here."
|
|
Jubjub "So why was the apartment wrecked?"
|
|
Nybar "I dunno.. I guess they just decided to trash the place"
|
|
Jubjub "They don't only cheat.. gamble.. and other things I'm
|
|
sure.. they're JERKS!"
|
|
....
|
|
Just then I heard something. It was the door. Someone
|
|
opened it a crack and threw a loaf of bread in. It was
|
|
*EXTREMELY* stale. Someone said `hahahahah.. enjoy
|
|
your cement bread!!!'. It LITERALLY had cement in it.
|
|
It was hard as a brick. I made use of it in an
|
|
unforseen way. I threw it at the wall. Now.. the wall
|
|
was pretty flimsy.. and I saw one brick that was extra
|
|
loose. I threw the cement-bread at it and it gave in.
|
|
From there.. we were able to pry loose enough other
|
|
bricks to open a hole big enough to crawl through.
|
|
WE WERE FREE!!
|
|
|
|
To be continued.....
|
|
|
|
Note: What you just read was.. like.. already in some poupey
|
|
of the past, but the other 5 weren't. I put it in cause of
|
|
consistancy and.. stuff like that, K?
|
|
|
|
1996: An URBAN oddessy of nybar
|
|
------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Howling whores and haunting hookers. Life in this city,
|
|
how could you not love it? My name is jubjub. I work at a grocery
|
|
store on thirty second street. But I used to be a wrestler. These
|
|
are the chronicles of what.. how, and why it happened. I call them
|
|
NINETEEN NINETY SIX... AN URBAN.. ODDESSY!.. except louder.
|
|
Now.. a brief re-cap. Yesterday.. when I woke up nybar had been
|
|
kidnapped. I found a note.. and it's a long story but lets just
|
|
say I ended up right next to him in a dungeon. It turns out it was
|
|
because he had squealed some of the wwf's secrets and a shady
|
|
manager called `the big man' was trying to have us wiped out.
|
|
Needles to say we escaped from the dungeon. But then.. we were
|
|
stranded outside.. knowing we couldn't go back to my apartment
|
|
because they would look for us there. There was 5 days until the
|
|
trial.. and I don't think waiting for them to kill us would be
|
|
pleasent. So nybar made a jolly proposal. Why don't WE go after
|
|
THEM. This is the story of the daring day2 in our urban oddessy.
|
|
----------- Insert Spacer here (poupey prop management)
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
It was a big city.. and we didn't have the man.. cat.. dog.. horse
|
|
, or anything power the scour it. The only logical solution was to
|
|
look at the bad mooks last known (to us) hiding place. Yeah.. the
|
|
dark room with the basement where I was knocked out twice. Ahhh..
|
|
I have to omit that knocked out twice part in future versions.
|
|
Anyway... we decided to go there.. for some reason or other.
|
|
When we went in this time.. all the lights were on. It looked just
|
|
like a wrestling ring. Waitasec;... nybar has a comment to add to
|
|
that "Maybe it looked like a wrestling ring because thats what it
|
|
WAS.. DIPSHIT!" Thank you for that nybar. There were two shadowy
|
|
men standing in the corner. Before we had the oppurtunity to
|
|
harras.. I mean question them; the PA system went on.
|
|
|
|
"DINGDING It's the amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzingggggg match you've ALL
|
|
been waiting for. The great, the buff.. the crazy team.. with
|
|
captain crazy and his astute comrade.. HAUSS.. in one cornnneerr.
|
|
And the great.. the grand.. the GAYbeeni brothers in the OTHER.
|
|
Now lets give a special hand to hauss <clapclapclap> And captain
|
|
crazy <clapclapclap> and now the gaybeeni's.. FATSLAYER AND KURDT
|
|
<boooboooboooboooboooboooboobbbbbboooo> <someone throws an egg at
|
|
kurdt> Kurdt "OW! Hey good lookin!" <a really fat guy stand up>
|
|
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!"
|
|
|
|
------
|
|
|
|
Then the gaybeeni's jumped into the ring. This was obviously one
|
|
of the big mans sick mind games. Ohh.. that guy makes me mad.
|
|
Needless to say.. we kicked the holy shit out of those fags. I
|
|
mean.. come the hell on.. we were the CHAMPS. They were a couple
|
|
of homos. The only thing was that it winded me a little.. haha..
|
|
it was worth it to toss them into eachother. Then.. I thought it
|
|
was over.. and we would get what we wanted. But truly.. it was
|
|
just beginning. The PA came on again and said now we had to fight
|
|
some other guys.. called the `ChinChaaChaa' brothers. We kicked
|
|
their immigrated asses to. But then it came on again... we had
|
|
to fight some guys called the `Grassylumpkin' brothers. We got
|
|
out a can of whoop-ass on them. But we were both getting seriously
|
|
tired. We knocked some sense into about 10 people.. not without
|
|
injury.. because they got progressively better... until we came
|
|
to the ZINBOOBI'S. This time.. it was a cage match. No ref's to
|
|
moderate. They were stronger. We were tired and beaten. There were
|
|
also 4 other guys in the cage. The Mad Svedes (actually SPELLED
|
|
with a v) Gabriel and Chinvorken, and the Pomper Oppers, Hanz
|
|
and Franz. The real turning point was when nybar grabbed a big
|
|
rusty monkey wrench and knocked Ezekial Zinboobia out.. and while
|
|
abraham was shouting something about revenge to him.. I threw hanz
|
|
AND franz at him. Chinvorken and gabriel were easy after that.
|
|
During all the fighting.. there was one thing we hadn't noticed..
|
|
WE WERE ALL LOCKED IN A FRIKKIN CAGE@@#%!!! THE FRAGGING BIG MAN
|
|
HAD CAPTURED US AGAIN@$#%@#!~!@$!!!!!! But this time.. we weren't
|
|
going to be trapped. Nybar grabbed some plyers, and I got a
|
|
chainsaw that was also in the cage.. and pretty soon we cut our
|
|
way to freedom. We searched the place bare to the bone.. but we
|
|
didn't find anything. The importance of this was.. we were once
|
|
again the wrestling champs!! We had defeated, cage match, 6 of
|
|
the best of the best. So of course we called put all the guys who
|
|
were still knocked out in the cage.. and while I guarded it nybar
|
|
called the police. There were no REAL charges to convict them of..
|
|
but since it was new-york.. theyyy worked something out. All of
|
|
them got 20 to life. Also.. many of the police force who helped
|
|
convict them got a raise. You can thank the overcrowded, crooked;
|
|
`Revolving door' prison system for this. It can work in mysterious
|
|
ways! Having seen that we were ready.. willing.. and better then
|
|
ever.. we decided to go back into the wrestling biz. But there
|
|
was no way I was signing up with that sleaze ball.. the big man.
|
|
So we both decided to do a tag team thing for the CCF
|
|
(crazy chicken federation). They do good work.. and they are like
|
|
a family out there. Except when you are engulfing each-other in
|
|
flames.. and hitting the other guy with a wooden spoon and the
|
|
like. Then they AREN'T like family. Anyway.. just as we had signed
|
|
up.. and our first match on the way.. I was on top of the world.
|
|
I was thinking how all the good stuff happened to me.. and, since
|
|
I am the one who would ultimately write this.. all the bad stuff
|
|
happened to nybar. Yup.. things couldn't be better. And then it
|
|
happened.
|
|
|
|
BLAM!@#%
|
|
|
|
Nybar "DAMN! SHOOT JUBJUB WILL YOU?@#5? BASSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTAAAAA
|
|
RRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!"
|
|
|
|
NEXT WEEK: With jubjub in the hospital.. waiting for death,
|
|
and nybar on the streets.. searching for the answer to
|
|
his seething question: WHO IS THE BIG MAN?
|
|
|
|
Ciao next week, dahlin.
|
|
|
|
1996: An URBAN Oddessy
|
|
|
|
-----------
|
|
|
|
Ever notice how hard a good beginning is to think of? I'm
|
|
jubjub.. albiet comatose. Now heres a ironic story. Little
|
|
billy used to read comics..and he loved all the powers the
|
|
people in them had. But he espically lovvveeddd the idea
|
|
of psionics. He tried everything to get them. Finally..
|
|
when he was busy bombarding himself with cosmic-rays.. he
|
|
passed out. He was in a complete comatose state.
|
|
There was an up side though; while he was passed out.. he
|
|
had the thing he had been dreaming of!! He had madd.....
|
|
psionic skillllllzzzzzzz. He decided to telepathically
|
|
monitor peoples bathrooms.. that sicky!! But when he
|
|
recovered.. he had lost his mind powers. No one would
|
|
believe him, that was what drove him insane. What I am
|
|
trying to say is... being comatose gives you psychic
|
|
powers. The psychic network is a HOSPITAL! First I chose
|
|
to turn my great powers inward. I saw me being shot; most
|
|
likely by one of the big mans men.. and being carried to
|
|
this damnable hospital!! Oh my god.. can't believe I just
|
|
said damnable!! Anyway.. here I am. Psychic. I think I
|
|
will look at some bathrooms.
|
|
|
|
Meanwhile.. at the white house....
|
|
|
|
Hillary Clinton "Hmmm.. I am getting some mind vibes from
|
|
the aliens I connect with's invisible flying psychic monkies
|
|
GET OUT OF MY HEAD, JUBJUB!!"
|
|
|
|
And now back to jubjub....
|
|
|
|
Man that really sucked. I think instead I will watch nybar
|
|
jumping around the city. I bet he's on his high heels
|
|
looking for the scum that shot me. Hmmm.. there he is now;
|
|
at the PIZZA parlor?!@#@% What the hell is he doing there.
|
|
hmm.. probably looking for clues. LETS GET SOME SOUND!
|
|
|
|
Cut to pizza parlor......
|
|
|
|
Nybar "`ey tony... I wanna know whats up with all this
|
|
grease man!!"
|
|
Tony "I dunno.. I ask da godfather"
|
|
godfather "<mumblemumble>"
|
|
Nybar "You have straightened me out, oh godfather"
|
|
Jubjub "NYBAR! I AM CONTACTING ME PSYCHICLY!!"
|
|
Nybar "No your not.."
|
|
Godfather <mumblemumble>
|
|
Nybar "Oh of course, godfather"
|
|
Jubjub "WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU LOOKING FOR THE GUY WHO
|
|
SHOT ME?!"
|
|
Nybar "I WAS LOOKING FOR CLUES <whispered> to why there
|
|
is so much grease on tony's greasy pizza"
|
|
Jubjub "ahh.. I heard that.. I can read your mind"
|
|
Nybar "OH YEAH?!@#%"
|
|
Jubjub "YEAH!"
|
|
Nybar *thinking*: Jubjub is a jerk.
|
|
Jubjub "Stop thinking about me and look for my gunman!!"
|
|
Nybar *Thinking*: Ok... jerk.
|
|
|
|
And so nybar begins his little oddessy. How can he
|
|
possibly keep this realistic.. while at the same time being
|
|
original?! The answer is.. he CAN'T!
|
|
|
|
Cut to nybar narritive...
|
|
It was a dark and stormy night. Thats as far as I got on
|
|
my murder mystery novel. Anyway.. back to the hunt.
|
|
Shouldn't be hard to find whoever shot jubjub. I'll just
|
|
have my cats scour the city... and I can sit back.. waiting
|
|
for one of them to page me.
|
|
|
|
<five minutes later>
|
|
beepbeepbeep. <click> bopbopbopbopbopbopbop <ringring>
|
|
Nybar "Heyyy... rusty? MY CAT! You made quick work of that
|
|
one!!! Where is he now? Ok.. me and some pussy will go and
|
|
do.. something.. to him. Love you to. It's in the fridge,
|
|
next to the casserole.. bye"
|
|
<click>
|
|
|
|
And so our not so heroic hero went along his gelatinous
|
|
journey into suspense. And so.. we cut to the chase; literally:
|
|
|
|
Cut to nybar and four cats chasing a petty thug in a GTI `96:
|
|
======
|
|
Nybar "GIVE IT UP!"
|
|
Thug "NEVER!"
|
|
Nybar "THATS IT!! I'M RAMMING YOU!!@$"
|
|
|
|
<BLAM!>
|
|
|
|
<scccccccckkkkkkkkkkkrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee>
|
|
|
|
<BOOM!>
|
|
|
|
ARRRRRHGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
.... a slight bit later
|
|
|
|
Nybar "TALK! TALK! WHO PUT YOU UP TO THIS?!@#"
|
|
Thug "Slow down buddy..
|
|
<nybar slaps the petty thug in the face wayyy to hard>
|
|
Nybar "Don't try to smooth talk me!@##### WHY THE HELL
|
|
DID THE BIG MAN TELL YOU TO SHOOT JUBJUB??!!!!!?$!@$"
|
|
Thug "He just wanted ta show you guys that he was
|
|
tracking you. It's nothing compared to what he'll do ta'
|
|
YOU... buddy!"
|
|
<nybar gives the order.. and the cats suck the breath
|
|
out of the petty thug>
|
|
Vimto "Good taste..
|
|
Nybar "Yeah.. but we've lost our only lead.."
|
|
|
|
*jubjub and nybar mentally converse*
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "Not necessarily.. ever think of searching him?"
|
|
Nybar "No.. not really.."
|
|
Jubjub "I'm breaking off communications, idiot"
|
|
|
|
...
|
|
Nybar gives the order
|
|
|
|
<the cats search the thug>
|
|
TailyPo "Hmm.. well.. we found the big mans buisness
|
|
card.. mightttt be useful."
|
|
Nybar "Ahhh.. right. Any address on that thing?"
|
|
Tailypo "Nope. It does have his name.."
|
|
Nybar "Ok.. His name is Guy Incognito. Wow.. I just
|
|
have NO idea who that is."
|
|
Tailypo "Hmmm... we could look in the phonebook..
|
|
|
|
A short time later...
|
|
|
|
<click> bopbopbopbopbopbopbop <ringggg>
|
|
The big man "Dude. Dude. This is the big man"
|
|
Nybar "Ok man.. it's me.. nybar. I wanna ask a few
|
|
questions.. ok?"
|
|
The Big Man "How the hell did you get this number?!@#%"
|
|
Nybar "Man.. you musta been no copus mentus when you
|
|
gave that small time jerk who shot jubjub your buisness
|
|
card.. now listen up; There's 4 days before the trial.
|
|
If you confess.. you set yourself up for <not so>
|
|
leniant punishment."
|
|
The Big Man "HAH! Never! And remember that job you
|
|
signed up for?#% With the CCF?!(crazy chicken federation) Well,
|
|
I've taken the liberty of taking your boss, who; just scant
|
|
months ago.. was generally acknowledged as the best wrestler
|
|
ever!!"
|
|
Nybar "Are you really that lame? I've already been through one
|
|
wrestling match cause of you... I don't need another. Can't you
|
|
just shoot me@#? It would be better then this unyielding
|
|
corniness!!"
|
|
The Big Man "That.. could be arranged."
|
|
|
|
<suddenly, a booming voice, jubjub's.. is heard within the
|
|
playgrounds of the big mans mind>
|
|
*RELENT*
|
|
*SUBMIT*
|
|
*ADMIT IT; YOU ARE CROOKED*
|
|
The Big Man "Ahh.. jubjub. I was once in a coma myself. Well..
|
|
heres a suprise for you: I had a psychic backwash unit installed
|
|
in my noggin.. So that anyone within 100 miles of here, and with
|
|
telepathic powers, will be able to recieve my little gift. Pain
|
|
beyond belief! Of course... you can't hear me. It's hit you by
|
|
now. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHQ#W%)*!#@%)#@%*#@%_*!"
|
|
|
|
<cut to jubjub in hospital>
|
|
|
|
Jubjub *thinking* "YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
|
|
PAIN! WHERES MY ASPECREME WHEN I.. ARFRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH@!#$@
|
|
@#!%_(% Can't.. Reach.. utilitAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#@%@#%_(@#%_@#(%!
|
|
only way is to.. heal my own wounds.. turn my ACK!$ great powers
|
|
inward, and heal my body with my mind, So that I will no longer
|
|
be comatose, or telepathic.. and thus I won't get all this pain!
|
|
Well.. this is as good a YARGHH! time as any"
|
|
|
|
AND THUS, JUBJUB WAS HEALED
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "I'M HEALED!"
|
|
Head Nurse "Damn. Then I guess we can't charge you for all that
|
|
quack surgeory we had planned."
|
|
|
|
Back to nybar, who in the meanwhile has heeded the big mans call,
|
|
corny though it was:
|
|
|
|
Nybar "Why.. it's Wrestlin' Crazy Chicken himself! I used to love
|
|
to watch your show! I never dreamed I would work for you.. much
|
|
less wrestle with you."
|
|
Crazy Chicken "I only work with the best kid, cause thats what I
|
|
am. Now.. as a way for his employer to evaluate his employee's
|
|
skills.. I shall wrestle you."
|
|
Nybar "But what about the big man? What does he have to do with
|
|
this?"
|
|
|
|
<suddenly, the all elusive PA system comes on>
|
|
A question I was hoping you would ask! I; THE BIG MAN <lightning>
|
|
Am taping this little bout. You will both, wrestling together..
|
|
be the biggest draw of the century. Think.. Fightin Mad Crazy
|
|
Chicken and Captain Crazy, back in the ring, better then ever!!
|
|
Why.. I'm even selling tickets.. why do you think I chose THIS
|
|
location?
|
|
|
|
Nybar "I.. don't.. SEE.. any people. This place still looks like
|
|
a glass house with a wrestling ring inside."
|
|
|
|
<PA system>
|
|
I.. don't.. SEE.. why your so stupid!! You are behind one way
|
|
glass!!
|
|
|
|
Nybar "I guess that makes sense.. but what would you do if I
|
|
said I wasn't wrestling?"
|
|
|
|
<PA system>
|
|
I would have several of my guards shoot both of you down where
|
|
you stand
|
|
|
|
Nybar "Good answer. Lets wrestle, Mr. Chicken."
|
|
|
|
AND SO THE BATTLE IS JOINED! bumbadumbadumbaduma.. DINGDINGDING!
|
|
|
|
Nybar fakes a left punch, and goes for the groin with his right
|
|
foot!
|
|
|
|
DIRECT HIT!
|
|
|
|
Crazy chicken is staggered.. WAIT.. FAKING IT! He does his famous
|
|
KFC: With a VENGANCE! Frying Foot Move on nybar.
|
|
|
|
Nybar seeeeemmmsss to be down for the count. Wait.. he's getting
|
|
up!!
|
|
|
|
WHAP! Nybar gives him famous whap attack! It's a butt cheek..
|
|
right where you need it the least! The mouth!!@%
|
|
|
|
Crazy chicken doesn't look like he even felt it.. and he goes
|
|
into his patented crazy chicken pork chops, the OTHER white meat
|
|
hold..
|
|
|
|
It holds!! Nybar can't move!! Waitaminute.. he's using his famous
|
|
cat-fight move! Know those things in heithcliff where, when
|
|
some people/cats/dogs/horses are fighting.. a big dustball comes
|
|
up? Nybar can duplicate that move!! No one can escape it until
|
|
all but one stand. And now.. the wait..
|
|
|
|
<blamblam.. SMASH!>
|
|
|
|
Hours Later....
|
|
|
|
<the dusball dies down, with nybar lying; UNCONCIOUS, and crazy
|
|
chicken, victorious.. bleeding in a bloody mess alll over the
|
|
place>
|
|
|
|
More hours, and many band-aids later..
|
|
|
|
<nybar and crazy chicken sit at a cafe.. covered in mickey-mouse
|
|
bandaids from head to foot.>
|
|
Nybar "God damn.. I've *NEVER* been beaten after ensuing my
|
|
famous cat scratch fever move!! Where did you learn to fight so
|
|
well?@#%"
|
|
Crazy Chicken "Well.. there is only a certain amount of potential
|
|
that can be reached without making pilgremage.. to HIM."
|
|
Nybar "Who.. Might `him' be?"
|
|
Crazy Chicken "The Ancient Yiddish god of wrestling. FROBOY!"
|
|
Nybar "Hmmm.. who is this froboy?"
|
|
Crazy Chicken "Originally.. he was a brilliant yiddish monk. His
|
|
masterworks of literature, art, and science impressed all. But
|
|
he was not satisfied. He wouldn't be satisfied until he, and ALL
|
|
yiddish monks.. weren't such wimps. He was developing wrestling.
|
|
And he has been developing wrestling for 1356 years since. Like
|
|
the fonz; no one is worth his punches. He is simply to good to
|
|
wrestle.. so he teaches. He is almost as good a teacher as he is
|
|
a wrestler. I remember when he was teaching me. I was full of
|
|
empty bravado back then. I dared challenge him to a wrestling
|
|
match. He didn't even respond. So I had the nerve to attack him.
|
|
I used my best hold on him. He didn't move. But his fro did. Oh
|
|
did it move. It threw me off.. and beated me repeatedly about the
|
|
neck and shoulder area. When I awoke I was back at my house. I
|
|
never saw him, or went to his temple, again."
|
|
Nybar "So.. where does he live? Can I just give him a knock?"
|
|
Crazy Chicken "To get to him.. you must make a PILGRIMAGE! That
|
|
means giving away all of your worldly belongings. Oh.. and a
|
|
travelling partner helps to."
|
|
Nybar "Hmm.. jubjub would be the choice for that.. but he's
|
|
hospitalized.."
|
|
|
|
<jubjub jumps in>
|
|
Jubjub "It would seem reports of my hospitalization are quite..
|
|
exaggerated! I Over heard the whole conversation.. and I would
|
|
love to develop my talents to the maximum level also! I SHALL
|
|
PILGREMAGE WITH THEE!"
|
|
Nybar "No need to be so dramatic. Take a seat. Have some coffee..
|
|
or that would be co-co.. for you. Let us catch up."
|
|
Jubjub "Not right now.. maybe while we are on the long journey
|
|
to froboy's temple."
|
|
Nybar "Ahh.. how are we going to get there?"
|
|
Crazy Chicken "I can be your mystical guide. I CAN SHOW YOU THE
|
|
WAY, TO DESTINY!"
|
|
|
|
<all> "TO DENSEITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
Froboy's temple, worthy pilgremage or big fat phony?
|
|
NEXT WEEK, FIND OUT!
|
|
|
|
1996: An URBAN Oddessy
|
|
--
|
|
Must.. push... on. Must.. reach.. wrestling.. perfection. My.. name.. is...
|
|
jubjub. I... can.. only.. talk..
|
|
incredibly.. slowly. The.. cause.. of.. this.. affliction would be.. not
|
|
enough.. food. I fear we shan't be making it. For those of you just joining
|
|
us in this realm of zinboobi's and.. sleazy managers.. We, (I, Nybar, And
|
|
our boss/mystical guide.. crazy chicken) are trudging through these ancient
|
|
snowed over yiddish lands to find.. DESTINY! DESTINY IN WRESTLING!!!! We..
|
|
seek.. RETRIBUTION FOR THE SINS OF THE MANAGERS! In other words.. we were
|
|
going to see the god of wrestling himself to ask him if he could help us
|
|
reach full potential while at the same time protecting us from the big man.
|
|
But then.. I saw it!!#$ THE TEMPLE OF FROBOY, THE GOD OF WRESTING! YEAH@!
|
|
Was it true? Had we done it? It was true. We had, momentarily.. shaken off
|
|
the yoke of this hard society. No more anything.. but peace and bliss.
|
|
Someone named mogel greeted us when we entered. I extended my hand of
|
|
all is well in the univereness. In response to this, he said "GET THE HELL
|
|
AWAY FROM ME, FAG! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!$ GET YER HAND OUTTA MY
|
|
FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ahh... all WAS well in the universe. I kicked him in the
|
|
balls and nybar engulfed him in flames. We were on our way. The next room
|
|
was made entirely of fro picks that had been bronzed. On a throne of hair,
|
|
in the middle of a wrestling ring.. was the almight god of wrestling.
|
|
FROBOY HIMSELF! WOOHOO:P!@#% He smiled as nybar and I entered.. but when
|
|
crazy chicken walked in.. he grinned in wimsical amusement. "Ahh.. the
|
|
insolent one returns. Care for another wrestling bout?" he said. Crazy
|
|
chicken kind of slinked off. Jubjub "We've come to.. ahh.."
|
|
Froboy "Have me teach you how to kick major beefed up wrestler ass.. while
|
|
keeping you in my sanctuary, to make sure you don't get killed?"
|
|
Nybar "Basically.."
|
|
Froboy "First of all.. I ask one question of YOU.. and one only. How the
|
|
hell did you find this place; crazy chicken?"
|
|
Crazy Chicken "Well.. I once had a bet with someone that he didn't even
|
|
know his own zip code. So he said that he did. When it turned out he didn't
|
|
(hehe.. 5 dollars right there) I bet him he couldn't walk to his own house
|
|
from 3 blocks away. Well.. he started walking, with me following. We
|
|
eventually ended up in the sahara desert.. where we found a temple. The
|
|
goddess of baked potatoes temple. I asked her a few questions about
|
|
wrestling.. and she; disgusted.. teleported me to you. And thats pretty
|
|
much it. I think the guy who didn't know his own address is still wandering
|
|
the world. Or maybe he has become a high priest of the potato order. (High
|
|
priestism not being hard to attain.. she just had one baboon as a worshiper
|
|
when we got there.)"
|
|
Froboy "And now.. you may ask many questions of me."
|
|
Nybar "Why.. are we here?"
|
|
Froboy "No exastential questions please."
|
|
Crazy Chicken "Want to wrestle again?"
|
|
<silence>
|
|
Crazy Chicken "I've learned alot of new moves, ya know."
|
|
<silence>
|
|
Crazy Chicken "I really think I have a chance of winning.. and all.."
|
|
|
|
WHAM!
|
|
Jubjub "Will.. he be waking up?"
|
|
Froboy "It is beneath me to use lethal force"
|
|
Jubjub "So.. you gonna send him back to his place, like last time?"
|
|
Froboy "Yup. I think I will send him there naked.. with the hypnotically
|
|
implanted idea in his mind that he has had an alien encounter"
|
|
Nybar "Elite"
|
|
Jubjub "But there is still the matter of how you will teach us to be the
|
|
best."
|
|
Froboy "This question is most simply answered. I sense *GREAT* angst within
|
|
both of you two. You have been slighted many a time. That is why you are
|
|
two of the greates wrestlers who have ever graced my doorstep. Training you
|
|
shall be SIMPLE! Your angst levels must reach the infinite level!"
|
|
Jubjub "But.. isn't this infinity level just quack science? It's impossible
|
|
and you know it!"
|
|
Froboy "Oh please.. don't insult me. I have many the means to make your
|
|
souls *BOIL!*. Please.. gaze into my ORBS OF INFINITY!!"
|
|
|
|
<three orbs arise from the dankest depths of the fro>
|
|
|
|
Froboy "These orbs hold the *KEY* to angst. They sense what will best set
|
|
your soul aflame FOREVER!#$% May I have a volunteer?"
|
|
Jubjub "Me! Me!"
|
|
Froboy "Gaze first upon orb #1 (obviously..)"
|
|
|
|
Jubjub looks into the orb.. and see's...:
|
|
|
|
<three small girls of 10 play truth or dare>
|
|
|
|
Bamby "Ok.. DARE!"
|
|
Roxine "I *DARE* you to show the guys those pictures we were drawing!"
|
|
Bamby "<teehee> Ok! <annoying nasal gigle>"
|
|
...
|
|
<bamby, roxine, and foxy walk into the room jubjub is in>
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "Get OUT! We're having a PRIVATE conversation!!!"
|
|
Roxine "We just wanna show you something <teehee>"
|
|
<bamby thrusts a quite poorly concieved naked woman in jubjub face>
|
|
Bamby "Does this give you a woody?"
|
|
<TEEHEE>
|
|
Jubjub "HAIMACRIA!#@$!"
|
|
Bamby "Does.. that mean you <teehee> like <teehee> it?"
|
|
Jubjub "No.. it means I'm going to rip your larrings out.. feed them to you;
|
|
and thoroughly ENJOY it!!@"
|
|
Roxy "<teehee> Fucckkkkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"
|
|
Bambi "Yahhhh.. we're gonna report you for threatening us. <teehee>"
|
|
<end image>
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "YARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH@#$@#%_(#$^)_#^$_*#$^_*#$^_*$#^_
|
|
#$)%*^%#$_^*#$)*^@#_%*@$_^)*#%)*#$_%)@#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#@%)%#ACKKKKK@!#$!
|
|
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
|
|
Froboy "As I expected. But there are still to MORE orbs for your *WEAK*
|
|
constitution!"
|
|
<jubjub looks into orb #2>
|
|
|
|
<an extremely snotty looking high school valley girl confronts a guy>
|
|
|
|
Bambi "Like.. ya knowwwwwwwww.. whatEVER! Want a <teehee> DatE?"
|
|
Joeie "Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. ya sure.. duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
|
|
Bambie "Teehee. It seems I get every<teehee>thing I want."
|
|
Joeie "DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
|
|
<end image>
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "ACK!!!$~ HAS SHE NO RESPECT FOR.. UQWERWERYAYRRRRRRTGGGGGH@@$!$"
|
|
|
|
<jubjub looks into orb 3>
|
|
|
|
Queen Elizabeth "It gives me great pleasure to pass on the flame to a new,
|
|
and hopefully.. bright.. generation. Bambalicous, Esq., I proclaim thee..
|
|
Queen of Mother England!"
|
|
Prime Minister "TO THE QUEEN!"
|
|
Bambi "Like.. ya knoww.. <teehee> ta me!"
|
|
<end image>
|
|
|
|
<jubjub passes out>
|
|
Froboy "And now.. NYBAR. Your turn.. to reach *THE HEIGHT OF ANGST!*"
|
|
|
|
<nybar looks into orb1>
|
|
|
|
<nybar is in a dark and smelly room.. working feverishly to shave 100
|
|
gerbils>
|
|
|
|
A GROUP OF HUMANATARIANS JUMP IN!
|
|
|
|
Dr. Lovejoy "Stop being so cruel to these gerbils!!"
|
|
Nybar "NAY! THEY HAVE ASKED ME TO! THEY FEEL.."
|
|
he never finished his sentence
|
|
Dr. Lovejoy "SHUT UP.. GERBIL HATER! TAKE HIM!@%#"
|
|
Nybar "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!@$@#%"
|
|
<40 policemen beat nybar to the ground>
|
|
Dr. Lovejoy "Can't you see how happy the gerbils are now?!"
|
|
|
|
and.. in the backround.. a single tear.. falls from a single gerbil. Hairy;
|
|
.. the one nybar was going to shave next.
|
|
<end image>
|
|
<a single tear rolls down nybar's cheek>
|
|
Nybar "Those hypocrites. They say they were doing it FOR the gerbils!!!!!!"
|
|
<nybar looks into orb #2>
|
|
|
|
<Dr. Lovejoy sits, in a petshop full of gerbils>
|
|
|
|
<a little kid walks in>
|
|
|
|
Dr. Lovejoy "Would you like to sample our FINE gerbils?"
|
|
Little Kid "hmm.. gerbils are a little to plain for me. Got any armidillos?"
|
|
Dr. Lovejoy "If you think gerbils are to plain.. why not look at our special,
|
|
SHAVED variety!"
|
|
Little Kid "Oh.. that would be GREAT!"
|
|
|
|
A BLACK grin comes over Dr. Lovejoys face
|
|
<end image>
|
|
|
|
Nybar "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@$@#% NO MORE@!!!!
|
|
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@$$$$$$$@$(%(!"
|
|
<nybar gazes into the third and final orb of infinity.. and it gazes into him>
|
|
|
|
<Dr.Lovejoy and alot of the other `humanitarians' sit around a banquet table>
|
|
|
|
Dr. Lovejoy "CHEERS, TO THE SUBJUGATION OF INNOCENT GERBILS!@@!"
|
|
<All> "CHEERS!"
|
|
|
|
<clink!>
|
|
|
|
<end image>
|
|
|
|
<nybar passes out>
|
|
|
|
Froboy "I know you two can hear me. You may spend ONE night in my sanctuary.
|
|
This will mean only two days before the trial. Sleep well, my children."
|
|
|
|
|
|
End Story
|
|
|
|
1996: An URBAN oddessy
|
|
----
|
|
1969
|
|
Here is the story of Tommy Winesworth. He was born in
|
|
poopoo city.. where his father had great hopes that he could
|
|
someday go to bireland.. and get a monopoly on the potato crops. Vain
|
|
hopes. He ran away to america when he was eleven. There was no way
|
|
he would have made it anywhere there.. except for one thing. He had
|
|
the almost super-power of learning. Any obstacle that stood in his
|
|
way.. he would learn something `NEW' to get around it. He decided
|
|
the best way to put this to work was to become a wrestler. Many
|
|
years later.. he was nearly the champ of the world. He would have
|
|
been years ago.. but he was extremely lazy.. and.. he had other
|
|
interests... by then he had a beautiful wife and a son, Robbie
|
|
Winesworth. One day.. he decided to box a charity bout.. with two
|
|
virtually unknowns.. nybar and jubjub. It was a tag-team match.. so
|
|
he decided to bring his wife. Hey.. if she was in danger.. he would
|
|
just learn something `NEW' to save her. Nybar and Jubjub were very
|
|
worried about his learning power. But they had a plan.
|
|
...
|
|
|
|
<DINGDING>
|
|
ROUND1
|
|
Nybar "I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO A PULP!@#%"
|
|
Tommy "LOOK!.. I learned something *NEW*.. I can conentrate
|
|
SO hard.. whoever tries to beat me.. just beats themselves!"
|
|
<nybar and jubjub take guns out of the spandex they were
|
|
wearing>
|
|
JubJub "LEARN THIS!!!"
|
|
|
|
<BLAM!>
|
|
<tommy and his wife, dorris.. fall over; lifeless>
|
|
Robbie "WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!@$!@$ MOM!!! DAD!!!
|
|
I'LL EAT MY PEAS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!@$@!#$@#%@#%@%#"
|
|
|
|
The present, 15 years later
|
|
-------
|
|
<nybar and jubjub sit in a cafe>
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "And then I watched little robbie winesworth..
|
|
being carried off, screaming.. for his lost parents. I
|
|
didn't know the jerk had a kid at the time <sniffle>"
|
|
Nybar "Why are you telling ME? I was THERE!"
|
|
Jubjub "ohhh yeah"
|
|
<nybar lights a big cuban cigar>
|
|
|
|
<someone walks over to the table>
|
|
Robbie "Please.. no smoking.. and.. waitasec......."
|
|
|
|
<nybar, jubjub.. and robbie, in unison> "I KNOW YOU!!!!"
|
|
Robbie "YOU KILLED MY FAAAAATTTTTTHHHHHHEEEEERRRRRRR!@@$
|
|
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!%)#@!#)%@*@#)%*@#+%*!"
|
|
<robbie runs.. and jumps out the window of the cafe>
|
|
|
|
CRASH!#$
|
|
|
|
Ol' Crazy.. the cafe owner "Hey! You crazy Kid!@#%"
|
|
|
|
...
|
|
Robbie "I have no father.. I have no father.. I have no
|
|
father.. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.. PUT THE SHARP THING..
|
|
IN THE TUNAAAA!@$#IIIIII.. PUT THE SHARP THING.. IN THE
|
|
TUNA!! IIIIIIIIII.. PUT THE SHARP THING.. IN THE TUNA..
|
|
IIIIIIIIIIIII.. PUT THE SHARP THING.. IN THE TUNA!@#$
|
|
KILL MY FATHER WILL THEY@#%? THEY ARE DEADD!@@$@#% I HEAR
|
|
THEY ARE BACK IN WRESTLING!@% MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHWQ!@$!1
|
|
BLOWFFFFFRRrffff134! THEY ONLY FIGHT TAG TEAM HUH21/%
|
|
I'LL GET AROUND THAT!@$ BLLLLLAAAAHHHHHHBEORGT@#%@!@#"
|
|
|
|
In that building.. at approximately twelve midnight,
|
|
a loud cry was heard.. "LOOK! I LEARNED SOMETHING
|
|
*NEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW* I CAN MAKE A CLONE OF MYSELF!$"
|
|
|
|
...
|
|
|
|
<nybar and jubjub sit in crazy chickens office>
|
|
|
|
Crazy Chicken "Great news guys! You get to make your
|
|
comeback bout with a great wrestler whos nearly the
|
|
champ.. and.. his exzact lookalike. His name is robbie,
|
|
and.. the other ones name.. is.. also.. robbie."
|
|
...
|
|
|
|
DINGDING
|
|
ROUND ONE.. THE JUBJUB NYBAR COMEBACK SPECTACULAR!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Jubjub <hmphh>
|
|
|
|
Jubjub punches robbie1
|
|
Nybar punches robbie2
|
|
|
|
Robbie "LOOK! I learned something *NEW*. I CAN CONCENTRATE
|
|
SO HARD.. I HIT LIKE A SLEDGE-HAMMER!"
|
|
Robbie2 "Ditto"
|
|
|
|
Nybar "YOU CAN'T DEFEAT US!#@% WE HAVE FROBOY TRAINING!!"
|
|
Robbie "LOOK! I leanred something *NEW*! I can concentrate so
|
|
much.. I know froboy's entire life story!! And.. Oh.. my..
|
|
GAWWWWWWDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@#!@$@14!@$ IT'S ALL CLEAR
|
|
TO ME NOW!@$ CHAOS AND ORDER!!@$ THE GREAT WAR!!!!!@$ THE
|
|
EVIL ONE HAS RETURNED!!!!!!!@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
|
|
|
|
<robbie faints>
|
|
<robbi2 stands there.. before being pulverised by nybar and
|
|
jubjub>
|
|
|
|
<several hours later.. nybar and jubjub try to console
|
|
robbie>
|
|
|
|
Robbie sips his hot co-co.
|
|
|
|
Robbie "I learned.. about.. froboy's life. And it all made
|
|
sense. Chaos; order. Two sides of the same coin. Human
|
|
nature.. wrestling.. forever intertwined. Good;.."
|
|
Nybar "I get the point.. enough with the paradoxial things,
|
|
boyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
|
|
Jubjub "Shut up nybar.."
|
|
Nybar <growl>
|
|
Jubjub "So.. what did you see?"
|
|
Robbie "Long ago.. far away.. froboy was creating the world
|
|
of wrestling. Aye.. he was creating the world of wrestling..
|
|
and he cast a shadow. This shadow had no real name.. no real
|
|
form.. he was simply all that was evil in wrestling. And so,
|
|
as froboy created.. the creature destroyed. Froboy discovered
|
|
this treachery.. and was most displeased. He showed his
|
|
displeasure in a most.. err.. direct.. way. He wrestled the
|
|
vile fiend. It broke all the rules. He fought clean. Through
|
|
wits.. superior skill and strength.. he managed to force it
|
|
into a cave in the center of a marshmellow. Don't laugh. It
|
|
was a *BIG* marshmellow. But it was not truly dead. It was
|
|
festering. Growing powerful. Raising.. AN ARMY! It .. through
|
|
sheer bitterness.. created a construct of PURE EVIL. The
|
|
beast had no proper materials.. so it used what it had at
|
|
hand. So; thus.. it created the Great General of the
|
|
Insidious Army of `25.. THE STAY-PUFF MARSHMELLOW MAN.. LORD
|
|
OF EVIL!!! With this army.. he martched on froboy's temple.
|
|
He hadn't a chance. He managed to flee.. and raise an army
|
|
of his own.. all the wrestlers in the world!! The battle
|
|
lines were drawn. Though the marshmellow constructs and
|
|
walking reptiles that Great Beast employed were somewhat;
|
|
how should I say it.. puffy, they were quite numerous. The
|
|
fighting was fierce. Froboy himself single handedly destroyed
|
|
the marshmellow man. Both armies were locked in combat. There
|
|
was nothing to keep froboy and his shadow off eachother.
|
|
Froboy.. already nearly out for the count from the beating he
|
|
took at the hands of the marshmellow man.. was severely
|
|
outmatched. So he resorted to thinking. And then.. a
|
|
revalation struck him. The Great Shadow sought to instill
|
|
order in the world.. his order.. but order none the less.
|
|
On the other hand.. froboy himself sought nothing but to keep
|
|
things as they were before (they were in a state of general
|
|
chaos.) Thus.. he championed chaos.. and his shadow wanted
|
|
order. He preclaimed these words.. which are now engraved in
|
|
the corner of his fro "Armies of chaos.. take heed! I, FROBOY,
|
|
patron god of wrestling.. CHAMPION OF CHAOS.. MASTER OF THEE;
|
|
proclaim that you will fight he who would instill order in the
|
|
land! LETS KICK HIS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
|
|
|
|
...
|
|
|
|
The rest of the battle was quite predictable. This time..
|
|
after being defeated.. the dark one was completely destroyed!
|
|
If he had had no form before.. now he was barely even a part
|
|
of reality. He now had to assume others shapes to take power.
|
|
He usually took the form of well off mortals. He has been
|
|
growing in power since then. Are you aware of how the
|
|
wrestling federation you used to work for did buisness?"
|
|
|
|
Nybar "OH POTATO YES!!!! WE HAVE BEEN FIGHTING THEM!!!!21#%"
|
|
Robbie "Well.. the manager is The Black Prince. The Dark
|
|
Lord! The Master Of.."
|
|
Nybar "Robbie! Shut up!$ I get the point!"
|
|
Robbie "Okok. Anyyyyywwwwwaaaaaaayyyyy.. an army needs
|
|
raising!!!!"
|
|
<crazy chicken jumps in from nowhere>
|
|
Crazy Chicken "I'mmmmmm *JUST THE MAN* for that"
|
|
Nybar "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Don't scare me like that!!"
|
|
|
|
<meanwhile.. at The Dark Lord's (the sleazy manager's)
|
|
|
|
Ezekial Zinboobi "Who do you want chief?"
|
|
|
|
The Dark Lord "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
|
|
VVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYY
|
|
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!
|
|
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
|
|
|
|
Next issue: THE BATTLE!!$@ THE FINAL ISSUE!!!!!!!!!!!!#%@#%@^%@^%
|
|
|
|
note: oh man.. what the fuck was I thinking..
|
|
|
|
1996: An URBAN Odessy; OMEGA!
|
|
|
|
----------
|
|
|
|
<jubjub, nybar.. and crazy chicken.. stand over a map in the war room>
|
|
|
|
Crazy Chicken: "Hmmm.. I think that our plan of attack
|
|
should be divide and conquer. If everyone
|
|
does his job.. our victory is ensured."
|
|
Nybar: "Just as I was thinking. We could use a mix
|
|
of the final formations of the boer war.. the
|
|
confederate strategam at chancelorsville.. and alot
|
|
of late night spy movies"
|
|
Jubjub: "Just what the HELL are you two talking about?!@$"
|
|
Nybar: "Hmm.. I was proposing a plan based on the
|
|
relative size crazy chicken federations army as
|
|
compared to the Prince of Despairs. Now.. we
|
|
would split the army in 2. Jubjub and crazy
|
|
chicken would be in command of the two sides.
|
|
The two sides would be on the top and the
|
|
bottom of the grand army of darkness.. which
|
|
intelligence reports is going to be marching
|
|
en-masse. After that.. the two sides split
|
|
again.. into 4 units.. lead by Stinky Kanoot
|
|
and Robby Winesworth. Stinky kanoot and Robby
|
|
Winesworth's units will go to the left and
|
|
right of the Insidious Army.. flanking them.
|
|
While this is happening.. the sides under
|
|
command of jubjub and Crazy Chicken will be
|
|
attacking from both sides.. while the other 2
|
|
sides will be dug in.. cutting off the supply
|
|
line, reinforcements.. fleeing units.. and
|
|
communications. We should, eventually.. be able
|
|
to wear them out sufficentaly to have won the war!"
|
|
|
|
Jubjub: "In ENGLISH!"
|
|
Nybar: "IIII.. think I'll take command of your part of the
|
|
army.. any objections?"
|
|
Jubjub "Ummm.."
|
|
Crazy Chicken "Just what will jubjub be doing, at the time?"
|
|
Nybar "He will *BE* going to froboy's.. who hopefully will
|
|
be able to raise re-inforcements.. and come up with some
|
|
kind of brilliant plan."
|
|
Crazy Chicken "Elite"
|
|
Jubjub: "Ok.. *THAT* I understood.. I just have one question,
|
|
why the hell do you have a WAR room inside a wrestling
|
|
`stronghold'!@$?!?$@"
|
|
Crazy Chicken "Shut up.. your waisting time! RUN.. Don't
|
|
WALK.. to froboby's"
|
|
Jubjub "Ohhh noo.. I'm going to LIMP there. Jerk"
|
|
<jubjub limps out the door>
|
|
Jubjub eventually reached froboy.. who was glad to supply
|
|
troops.. fine wrestlers one and all. They marched back to
|
|
the WWF HQ.. where nybar plan seemed to be working. From a
|
|
distance. From a distance.
|
|
|
|
...
|
|
|
|
Nybar and crazy chicken.. taking their respective sides of
|
|
the army to WWF HQ.. and following the plan.. soon had the
|
|
whole of the WWF army tied in knots. For some reason.. all
|
|
of the WWF army didn't move at all.
|
|
|
|
Tick.Tick.Tick.Tick.Tick.Tick.
|
|
|
|
<Froboy and jubjub arrive with re-inforcements>
|
|
|
|
Froboy "Whats that ticking?"
|
|
|
|
Nybar "Nooo ide--"
|
|
|
|
BOOM@!$!@$!@$
|
|
|
|
Most of the CCF and Froboy's army were completely decimated.
|
|
The only thing that would win the day now was on the spot
|
|
tactical manuevering.. which was nybar's specialty. Which
|
|
was when the second bad thing happened. Nybar vanished. No
|
|
explanation.. no flashing lights.. just; gone. The world of
|
|
organized wrestling as we know it was in trouble. *BIG*
|
|
trouble. I kind of phased out. A little later on... I phased
|
|
back in to find that I was the only survivor. It was all up
|
|
to me. FIE on this kind of responsibility!#$% All I really
|
|
wanted was a cheese burger!@#$ So I decided to get one.
|
|
Contrary to popular belief.. there are great elite cheese
|
|
burger stands at certain great elite cheese-burger liking
|
|
states across america. So I decided to grab foders latest
|
|
guide. By a funny mix-up in the space/time continuim.. the
|
|
latest foders guide to cheese-burger stands happened to be
|
|
the one from 2050. Well that was just great; I thought. My
|
|
whole professional life was collapsing around me.. and I got
|
|
to learn about the cheese burger of tomorrow. But no
|
|
problem. I'm great at waiting around.. and it said that; if
|
|
wait around enough.. the best cheese-burgers anywhere will
|
|
be located in nevada.. cleveland.. I think it's in. Nevada..
|
|
odd.. thats the one place that nybar could never find on the
|
|
map. Actually.. whenever cleveland came up in casual (or not
|
|
so casual.. as the case usually is with nybar) conversaition
|
|
... nybar would say something like `where? What the hell are
|
|
you talking about? Cleve..how did you say it..cleaveblonde..
|
|
don't know what you are talking about.. my friend.' Hitch
|
|
hiking is fun. Wait for the person or people who are crazy
|
|
enough to pick up a complete stranger and take them; in close
|
|
proximity.. to a destination of their choice. Alot of
|
|
hitch-hikers had consience problems robbing people who were
|
|
kind enough to pick them up. I didn't.
|
|
|
|
<meanwhile.. in the place where nybar re-appeared to.. nybar
|
|
is watching TV>
|
|
|
|
Baba Wawa Juniow "hahaha.. yes.. hope this doesn't turn out
|
|
to be like the notorious hitch-hiking robberies of 54 years
|
|
back."
|
|
|
|
<system lady who sometimes comes on TV and just talks> "For
|
|
the information of some of our younger viewers.. the hitch
|
|
hiking robberies were a series of robberies that occured in
|
|
1996. They involved a still unknown hitchhiker being picked
|
|
up.. stating his destination as closer to nevada.. and then
|
|
.. upon arriving.. beating the holy shit out of the one who
|
|
was kind (stupid) enough to pick him up. Back to you baba!"
|
|
|
|
Nybar *thinking* "hmmm.. this hitch-hiking robber sounds
|
|
like my kind of guy. Wow.. 1996.. that was the year I
|
|
dissappeared.. wow does that bring back memories!"
|
|
|
|
<the present; jubjub>
|
|
|
|
NEVADA OR BUST.
|
|
----------------
|
|
|
|
That was my brilliant sign. I should be there soon. With the
|
|
money from those people I have been robbing.. I should be
|
|
able to buy several good cheese-burgars. Maybe set up a new
|
|
life in Nevada. Oh yeah.. I just forgot something.. I have
|
|
a freaking lot of waiting to do before nevada will be cheese
|
|
burger capitol of the world. Still.. I have a plan...
|
|
adapted from old episodes of `Star Trek' and some of froboy's
|
|
teachings. All I had to do was use the images from the orb's
|
|
froboy had showed me to get all mad and angsty.. and when
|
|
I was about to pass out like I did before.. I would `take
|
|
a chill pill' err.. in laymens terms.. jumping in a tub of
|
|
extremely cold water that was fast being cooled by the air
|
|
conditioner place. Then.. let myself pass out when it had
|
|
iced over. Bet you are wondering how the extreme cool would
|
|
last for 54 years. HAH! I have that worked out. I will put
|
|
some of the money I have stolen.. scammed.. and just plain
|
|
beaten off of people to use on a 54 year warrenty guarenteed
|
|
air-condition. And if it doesn't work for 54 years.. I will
|
|
sue for enough money to make sure I can buy one that lasts!
|
|
Ahh.. my plan is so damn perfect.
|
|
|
|
<nybar's perspective.. 2050>
|
|
|
|
Man... is my job great. I think Mr. Hapsburg really likes me.
|
|
I like him at least. I can feel a promotion coming on. Maybe
|
|
someday I will become vice-president of our outpost.
|
|
<a genitically and synthetically enhanced cat flies in>
|
|
"MROWL!$@"
|
|
<drops a mouse on nybar's head>
|
|
|
|
Nybar "Nice catch!!@$!@$"
|
|
<back to jubjub..>
|
|
|
|
Hmm.. wonder if I will dream in my angst-induced sleep. Well
|
|
.. guess I will see soon. ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHH!@$!$ IT'S
|
|
COMING BACK TO ME!#$!$ BAMBALICIOUS `ESQ' INDEED@$!@$$!@#
|
|
MUAHAHAHAHHA~!#!#
|
|
|
|
<SPLOOSH (sploosh being the sound of jubjub falling into the
|
|
cold water)>
|
|
|
|
A long.. dreamless time later..
|
|
|
|
<jubjub rises from the deeps of his bathroom.. just in time
|
|
to avoid the warrenty-expired air condition falling on him>
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "Okk.. let me see. Good.. still got the money where I
|
|
left it!@$ I just hope we haven't drastically changed
|
|
currency. Then I will have to sell my body. And you know how
|
|
much I *HATE* doing that. <grin>. Waitasec.. who the hell am
|
|
I talking to!?@$"
|
|
Hmm.. think I will go and get some cheeseburgers now.
|
|
<jubjub opens door>
|
|
|
|
SQUACK!$@!@#
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "Hi; bird."
|
|
...
|
|
...
|
|
...
|
|
Jubjub "BIRD?!#@$?!$ WHERE THE HELL AM I!~!#@????"
|
|
<jubjub looks down; 300 feet>
|
|
Jubjub "ehh.."
|
|
<jubjub steps back inside>
|
|
Jubjub "Hmm.. that angsty freeze thing worked.. maybe some
|
|
other froboyish star-trek tricks will come in handy. Ok..
|
|
gotta sound real official!"
|
|
<jubjub pauses for a sec as he gets *THE LOOK*>
|
|
Jubjub "Computer! Status Report!"
|
|
Computer "beep.Click. Ahh.. call me carl. By the way.. what
|
|
are you talking about.. `status report'?"
|
|
Jubjub "Just tell me why the hell are we 300 feet in the Air!"
|
|
<at this moment.. several mighty advanced gods ponder how
|
|
jubjub knew that he was exzactly 300 feet in the air. One of
|
|
them plants the seeds of war.. somewhere in the past.. to
|
|
help him concentrate>
|
|
Carl "We're 300 feet in the air.. because one day.. someone
|
|
who really LOVVVVVVEEEEEEEDDDDDDD the jetsons as a kid was
|
|
elected president. He decided that; in a jetsonsish way..
|
|
everyone should live in the clouds. But.. since the poles
|
|
that the jetsons had used were a bit dated.. they decided to
|
|
use anti-grav pods."
|
|
Jubjub "Ahh.. yeah.. real interesting.. I'm sure."
|
|
Carl "Thanks for the classic brush off.. shit head!!@$"
|
|
Jubjub "You know.. I used to be a proffessional wrestler. I
|
|
eat punks like you for breakfast!@$"
|
|
|
|
Jubjub considers that the threat he just uttered was to some
|
|
smarmy computer. Just for a second.. though.
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "Okok.. anyway. How the hell do I get down?"
|
|
Carl "Grade A Vexme shot. It implants a self replicating
|
|
piece of pig DNA in you system"
|
|
Jubjub "Pig.. DNA?"
|
|
Carl "Remember the old saying `when pigs fly out of my ass!'
|
|
well.. one day.. a part time farmer.. part time biochemist
|
|
with good backround in genetics.. got really annoyed by that
|
|
saying. So he decided to do something about it. He puzzled
|
|
over what to do for a long time.. and eventually decided
|
|
that he would crossbreed a species of pig with a species of
|
|
piegon. Finally.. he had a flying pig. Then.. to have it
|
|
fly out of someones ass.. he fathered a son with a pre
|
|
implanted self replicating gene of flying pig.. placed
|
|
in just the right spot so pigs would fly out of his ass over
|
|
and over. But it didn't quite work.. the metabolism of the
|
|
boy adapted to that of the flying pig.. and pretty soon they
|
|
had a messy.. flying boy. To make a long story short.. I
|
|
poke you with needle. Ouch. Hurts. You fly."
|
|
Jubjub "Yeah.. thats real intersting. Just give me the stupid
|
|
shot."
|
|
<carls robotic arm pokes jubjub with a needle>
|
|
Jubjub "Ouch. Hurts."
|
|
<jubjub steps out the door and begins to fly>
|
|
Jubjub "This is a pretty elite feeling! If I didn't now have
|
|
a mini snout and long ears.. that would have been the perfect
|
|
shot!@$"
|
|
<jubjub sets down right next to a Mr. Happy-Burger>
|
|
|
|
<jubjub walks inside>
|
|
|
|
<jubjub walks upto the counter>
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "I would like a double decker triple cheeser with
|
|
bacon please"
|
|
Nybar "Want fries with that?"
|
|
Jubjub "NYBAR!@$#"
|
|
Nybar "Yeah.. nybar. Want fries with that?"
|
|
Jubjub "It's ME! Jubjub!"
|
|
Nybar "JUBJUB!@#$ What are you doing here? By the way.. where
|
|
are we?"
|
|
Jubjub "We're in cleveland."
|
|
Nybar "Where? What the hell are you talking about?! Cleve..
|
|
how did you say it.. cleveblonde. Don't know what your
|
|
talking about.. my friend"
|
|
Jubjub "aahhh.. never mind. Doesn't matter right now. So what
|
|
happened to you?"
|
|
Nybar "Noooooo ideeeeeeeeaaaa."
|
|
Jubjub "So.. did you happen to notice that both of us are 54
|
|
years in the future.."
|
|
Nybar "Hold up.. run that by me again.."
|
|
Jubjub "nevermind.. anyway.. didn't you notice how advanced
|
|
everything is?"
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|
Nybar "Yeah.. I had wondered about that. But your looking
|
|
well."
|
|
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|
Jubjub "yeah.. same to you. Hmm.. soo.. I guess that decent
|
|
wrestling will be destroyed if we don't get back there.."
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|
|
|
Nybar "ohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhh.. the *WRESTLING* thing. I
|
|
thought there was something important I should be doing."
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|
|
|
Jubjub "Soooo.. what do you know about time travel?"
|
|
|
|
Nybar "Wellll.. the logic of 1996 says there can be time
|
|
travel.. but it will never be precise. Well.. That is the
|
|
logic of 1996. These days.. we coast through life using TV
|
|
logic. As you well know.. people like us, in TV.. travel in
|
|
time every day of the week. So anyway.. ready to back to 1996
|
|
..?"
|
|
|
|
Jubjub "Suresure."
|
|
|
|
<BOOF! (boof being the sound of nybar and jubjub travelling
|
|
back in time to a point in time slightly after the explosion
|
|
that decimated both good and evil armies)>
|
|
|
|
Froboy "LET US DO BATTLE.. HOOTCH.."
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|
|
|
<BOOF!>
|
|
|
|
<jubjub and nybar appear>
|
|
|
|
Now.. before going into the next sequence.. I would like to
|
|
say that.. since the ultimate lord of all dispair and froboy
|
|
are both merely reflections of eachother.. thought varying
|
|
in matters of good.. evil.. chaos.. order.. they tend to think
|
|
about practically the same thing at the same time.
|
|
|
|
Froboy *thinking*
|
|
First nybar dissappears and jubjub slinks off... and
|
|
now they both reappear.. I'm getting confused
|
|
|
|
The Guy Who Has A Name That Changes ALOT *Thinking*
|
|
Nybar and jubjub.. appearing out of thin air! Think I will eat
|
|
them!
|
|
|
|
(both god and his shadow.. at the same time) "WHAT THE FUCK?"
|
|
|
|
Nybar "DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN!@$ I've *SEEN* This exzact scene
|
|
... though from a different perspective. It was about a war
|
|
and obscure techno-god planted the seeds of to help him gain
|
|
concentration. This was a picture from the final battle sight.
|
|
Hmm.. wierd."
|
|
The Dark and INSIDOUS lord of dark and INSIDIOUS stuff "hmm..
|
|
I fail to understand your logic."
|
|
Nybar "let me explain. Baba Wawa Juniow.. from the year 2050
|
|
...."
|
|
Froboy "2050?!~!@$"
|
|
Nybar "after I dissipeared I was in.. nebarbera..... 2050."
|
|
Froboy "ahh.. right."
|
|
Nybar <SIGH>
|
|
|
|
The dark and insidious lord of all evil, froboy.. nybar.. and
|
|
jubjub sit around a card table.. sipping tea.. while they all
|
|
hear the whole story of how nybar lived and worked in nevada,
|
|
2050.
|
|
|
|
....
|
|
|
|
Nybar "so anyway.. baba wawa juniow hacked (or as she would put
|
|
it.. hawcked) into the techno-god system.. and read an obscure
|
|
article from some obscure techo-god that he had planted a data
|
|
packet in the mind of a young tibettan infant many years ago
|
|
teaching him all the tricks of wrestling. I believe that young
|
|
infant grew into you.. froboy."
|
|
Froboy "So.. it was all a scam?!@$ To help some fucker
|
|
CONCENTRATE?@#%?@?#?@!#$?!?@$?!@?$?!@?$??$#!?@?$?!@$?!@"
|
|
The Dark Lord "I do not appreciate being used in this way.."
|
|
Froboy "What do you say we use.. what was it you called it..
|
|
`TV Logic' to go and give all those fucking `techno gods' what
|
|
what for"
|
|
The Dark Lord "For once.. I side with you.. <shudder> pal."
|
|
...
|
|
The rest few hours were a breeze. With The Dark Lord learning
|
|
some rules.. and froboy breaking some.. and finally travelling
|
|
to another place.. another time.. Nybar and I were left alone
|
|
with our lives again. We were wrestlers. This is what we did.
|
|
Now.. I wasn't so sure. I felt really screwed over.. actually.
|
|
I mean.. we had helped steer the destiny of wrestling more then
|
|
any mortal to date.. but lets face it. Wrestling was just some
|
|
absurd invention of a lesser techno-godling. It really pissed
|
|
me off. But nybar had a plan. Sell the story. It wouldn't be
|
|
hard.. I mean.. it is a pretty good story. And if your reading
|
|
this.. maybe it means things worked out pretty well.. after all
|
|
.
|
|
|
|
FIN
|
|
|
|
Nybar "MUAHAHAHAHHAHA!$!@$!$ Sorry.. I just had an
|
|
insatible desire to get the last laugh in. Fin.. for real"
|
|
|
|
oh man that fucking sucked.. ohh man.. oh fuck sucky ohh
|
|
man that fucking sucked oh man fucking sucky I hated that
|
|
oh fuck I sold out so much oh fuck ahh well.
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
well.. wasnt that a dandy little lesson in eliteness (except I still think
|
|
I sold out in all of those zinboobi things..)
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
EOF
|