1440 lines
70 KiB
Plaintext
1440 lines
70 KiB
Plaintext
+= poor old ugly pompous electronic yams #10 =+
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.s$$$$$$s. .s$$$$s. .s$$ $$s. .s$$$$$$s. .s$$$$$$$s. $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$$$s. $$$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$ s$$$$s .$$$$$$$$$. $$$$ .s$$$$$$$s. $$$$
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[ 50 Stories ]
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Intro: damn... this thing is gonna be monumental. Just provin I'm
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so k00l I can write 50 stories for poupey and put them alllllllll in one
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ish. Really making this issue so that people will start reading/writing
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for poupey. I don't care what kinda submissions I get. Just something or
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other...
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Hey.. howda you spell fetal? As in fetal pigs. Oh yeah, this is
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just the intro.. you're incapable of answering me. You'd be suprised how
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much something like that happens to me. Really suprised. uhh forget this.
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REIGN OF THE (alternative) `ZINE DEWDS (part 1 of 10)
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-------------------------------------------
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cokeacola "Yeah.. we suck here in `zine world"
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kettle "We must bring in napolean! He's evil man!!!"
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mogel "I got to keep my same name cause I'm elete"
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quicksilver "Our enemy.. napolean nybar. yeah. he's goin down.
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yeahyeahyeah."
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mogel "Crap like this can't last 10 stories."
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napolean "Ohhhh yes it can!"
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<all> "EEK!"
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napolean "Yes.. IIIIIII, NAPOLEAN, Have taken control of alllll
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the worlds `zines! Yeah! I rule!@@!@!"
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mogel "This isn't the natural balance of things!"
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cokeacola "gimme a bigger part in this series!"
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napolean "Nooooooooo.. I DON'T think I'll be doing THAT!"
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cokeacola "Aww.. dang"
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napolean "Shut up.. this is suppused to be a dramatic moment"
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Forest Gump "My momma always said `Life is like a box a choclates
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.. never know what yer gonna get'"
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<all> "GASP!"
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napolean "Thats better.. ok anyway.. I've captured all of your
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`zines.. and nothing you can do will stop me!"
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poopypants "I'm edicus... I mean poupey pants."
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napolean "I'm just going to slink off to my TERRIBLE island
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fortress now. And rule the world!"
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kootch "can I come?"
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napolean "Uhhh.. no"
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<napolean exits stage left>
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quicksilver "Looks like he exited stage left."
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cokeacola "Not give me a good part will he?! Lets get em!"
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-------------------------------------------------------------------
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Reign of the .. ohh #2
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---------------------------------
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Quicksilver "Well uh.. here we are.. in newyork."
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cokeacola "Wow.. this place really sux.."
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mogel "no.. it rox!"
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cokeacola "Oh.. ok.. so why did we come here? I wuz drunk"
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quicksilver "I think just about allll of us could say that.."
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mogel "Ahh.. we were going to get someone to tell us where
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napoleans fort was?"
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quicksilver "Nahh.. we were lookin for some sex!"
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mogel "Ahh.. probably.. but lets do that other thing anyway"
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InsuranceSalesman "Perhaps theres something I can help you with?"
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<all> "!!!"
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kootch "Yeah.. could you direct us to napoleans fort?"
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insurancesalesman "For 5 g's"
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forestgump "Thennnnn it felt like somethin justa jumped up N bit
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me"
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<all> "GASP!"
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Quicksilver "You.. were hit.. by a bullet"
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poopypants punches out forest gump
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cokeacola "Guess your good for something other then pooping yourself"
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insurancesalesman "Still want that info?"
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mogel "Just give it to us or we'll kill you then eat your young"
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insurancesalesman "Sure.. .. I don't know.. but the tibettan monks
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do"
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Mogel "Kool"
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<all kill insurance salesman and then eat his young>
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----------REIGN---OF--THE WIERD-`ZINE DOODS #3-----------------
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Monk "You must finddd the jade monkey before the next full moon"
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Slave "I love my massa"
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Lady "Is that a banana in yer pocket.. or are you just glad ta see
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meeeeee?"
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Darth Vadar "I am your father"
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Guy "Son.. avenge my deathhhh"
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Mogel "Wow.. daja vu"
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Quicksilver "Clich'a city man"
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Poopypants "Whoops.. pooped myself"
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Cokeacola "Deja vu and clich'a city now"
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Talking diaper "I'm comin ta get you ed.. I mean poopypants! Your mine!"
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<all> "GASP!"
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Poopypants "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
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Jenephar "I'm not jestephar either.. I'm a girl"
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Forest Gump "I'll always love you jenny!!!"
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Jenephar "Nooooo!!!!!!"
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<jenephar kills herself>
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Cokeacola "That was wierd"
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Mogel "So.. about that fort napolean has.."
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Monks "Uhh... it's over there"
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Mogel "Thanks"
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Monks "No prob"
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-#4=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Napolean "I really don't think my middle name is nybar"
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Quicksilver "It is man.. Really"
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Mogel "Uhh.. we want our `zines back man. Where would D.ainty T.ulip
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O.rganazation be without me?"
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Napolean "On the top of the charts.."
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Mogel "Shut up"
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Napolean <really really evil cackle>
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Napolean "Big bird! Get them!!!"
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<big bird beats em all up and throws them in jail>
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Poopyface "HAHA Quicksilver! Big bird beat you up!"
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Quicksilver "He kicked your ass to.. and I bet you pooped yourself"
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Ratslayer "I've been in this jail for 10 years"
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<all> "GASP!"
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Mogel "So THATS why I haven't seen any vermin"
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Cokeacola "Uhh.. hey.. exterminator d00d"
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Quicksilver "Can you get us out of here?"
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Ratslayer "Yeah"
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Ratslayer "Hey big bird.. let us out!"
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Big-Bird "Ok.. sure."
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Ratslayer "Thanks man"
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Big-Bird "I'm a bird"
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Ratslayer "Oh yeah"
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Cokeacola "Where to now?"
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Forest Gump "Maybe you should go home.. to ALABAMA!!!!"
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Cokeacola "Thats not where I live"
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========----======--#V (5.. in lamemens terms)--===----===---===
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Cokeacola "Umm.. call my agent"
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Ratslayer "What?!"
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Quicksilver "Don't try to talk to him.. he's in a little world of his
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own"
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Cokeacola "So then.. The prez said to me..."
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Mogel "Oh crap! Land mines!"
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Cokeacola "How do you know?"
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Ratslayer "Offhand.. I'd say that `DANGER! Land mines! :):):)' Sign"
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Cokeacola "Oh.. probably.. mr. smarty"
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Froboy "No one can ever know who I am..."
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<all> "GASP!"
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Forest Gump "And then I just started runnin.. oll runnin gump.. thats
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what they called me.. olll runnin gump"
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<all> "GASP!"
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Mogel "It seems like he's been following us around.."
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Cokeacola "Someone has to walk through that minefeild"
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Mogel "Ok.. poopypants"
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Poopypants "Uhh.. no?"
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Mogel "Umm.. please?"
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Poopypants "Ok"
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kootch "Man.. I have a really really crappy part in this story"
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Poopypants "Cause yer dumb.. whoops.. had an accident"
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Mogel "Ok.. walk through the minefield"
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Poopypants <walks through the minefield then blows up>
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<pieces O poop go flying everywhere"
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<all> "EWWWW"
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Cokeacola "No wonder he was Waddling so slowly.. he was weighted down"
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--------------------Oh yeah.. #6.. kooky and crazy and zany-----------
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Mogel "Hey man.. your mines killed poopypants!"
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Napolean "Uhh.. but his `zine (poopy pants inc) Was no good anyway.."
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Cokeacola "Yeah.. and he was startin to stink"
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Ratslayer "Can we have our `zines back now?"
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Napolean "Say the magic word! Didn't your mother ever teach you the
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magic word?!"
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Ratslayer "Abracadabra"
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Napolean "Um no"
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Forest Gump "Then.. they decided I could fight commies better by playin
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ping-pong"
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Napolean "Hey.. I'm an elete pong player"
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<all> "GASP!"
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Napolean "Wanna game"
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Forest Gump "Sure"
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<napolean kicks forest gumps ass in ping-pong>
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Napolean "Dewd!!!"
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Mogel "What?"
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Napolean "CHICKENBUTT!"
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<all> "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
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Mogel "Hey napolean"
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Napolean "Yeah?":
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Mogel "Ahh.. say what"
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Napolean "CHICKENBUTT!"
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<all> "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!"
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Napolean "You can't have yer `zines back till you all write for poupey!"
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<all> "NEVER!!"
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Napolean "OH YEAH?!?!"
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<napolean grabs cokeacola and flys off with him in a jet>
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Mogel "WHYYYYYYYY?!?! WHYYYYYY!?!? My.. only son.."
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Ratslayer "I feel your pain"
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Mogel "Eew"
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ #7 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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Cokeacola "Cmon.. reveal your diabolical plan now"
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Napolean "Ummm no"
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Cokeacola "Awww.. comeonnn"
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Napolean "I think this has waayy to many clicha's already"
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Cokeacola "Aww.. don't be a jerk"
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Napolean "Look.. I really don't HAVE a diabolical plan. All of this
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is just a bunch of crap that has happened."
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Cokeacola "So then why did you steal everyones `zines?"
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Napolean "Cause people submitted to all of them! I am going to take
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those submissions.. and put them ALL into poupey!"
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Cokeacola "Kool"
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Napolean "Yeah.. I thought so"
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Cokeacola "Hey waitasec.. isn't that a diabolical plan?"
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Napolean "What?"
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Cokeacola "That thing.. with the putting submissions for other `zines
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into poupey"
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Napolean "Maybe it is.. maybe it is.. never gave it a thought"
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Cokeacola "K00l"
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Napolean "Yeah.. I thought so"
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Cokeacola "So why did you kidnap me anyway?"
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Napolean "I wanted someone to have a reason to say `NOOOOOOO!!! WHY?
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WHY?.. my.. only.. son'"
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Cokeacola "Oh. NeatO"
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Napolean "Yeah. You know.. in this story.. I rule the world.. kinda"
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Cokeacola "Krad"
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Forest Gump "And then we invested in some fruit company.."
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Napolean "MACS DEAD! GET OVER IT!#@%!#$%"
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<napolean pushed forest gump off the jet>
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Cokeacola "Wonder how he got into this jet."
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Napolean <shrug>
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---------------------------8----8-------88------------------8-------------
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Mogel "Uhh.. hey kootch"
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Kootch "Your just about the worst chickenbutter ever."
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Mogel "Shut up or I may have to hurt you"
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Kootch "Oh.. what are you going to DO to me?! Huh?! Drop something
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on me?! huh?! Is THAT what your going to do?!! Big man?!"
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<forest gump falls on kootch>
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Mogel "hahahahahahahaa"
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Quicksilver "You really don't expect a retard to have comic timing.."
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Forest gump "He should really not be hitting me!"
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Ratslayer "Jenephars dead.. remember?"
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<then a bunch of yuppies and yupets parachute from napoleans jet>
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Kettle "Oh.. my.. god!!"
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Ratslayer "It lives"
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Kettle "Not my fault I got a crappy part in this story"
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Ratslayer "Maybe if you didn't suck so much"
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Quicksilver "Uhh.. aren't these yuppies gonna beat us up now?"
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Ratslayer "Probably"
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Mogel "Hey look yuppies!! It's fred flintstone!!"
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Yuppies "Where?!! Where?!??!"
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<yuppies scatter>
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Mogel "Lets.. rideeeeeeeeeeeee"
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Ratslayer "We don't have a car"
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Mogel "Lets just start walking then"
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Kettle "Oh.. after the jet.. ok"
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Ratslayer "Yeah.. and through that desert"
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Quicksilver "Dessert sounds good right now"
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######################9######################
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Napolean "Well.. here we are at my desert fortress"
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Cokeacola "Elete"
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Napolean "I'm just gonna leave you in control of my nuclear arsenal"
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Cokeacola "NeatO"
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Napolean "Yeah"
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<napolean leaves>
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<cut to the other guys..>
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Mogel "Whats that sound"
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Ratslayer "What sound?"
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Mogel "The sound thats going `EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'"
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Ratslayer "IIII.. dunno"
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Mogel "Oh.. it's just a big ol' nuclear missile"
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Kettle "Uh oh"
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Mogel "Doesn't it seem like all of the people who had crappy parts
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in these stories have been dying lately"
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Quicksilver "In a word.."
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<nuclear missile toasts kettle>
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Quicksilver "..Yes"
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Mogel "Hey! Check out the remains of kettle!!!"
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Quicksilver "Dibs on the shoes"
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Forest Gump "Bubbah woulda liked it this way"
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Mogel "What way?"
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Ratslayer "Hey look! It's napoleans desert fortress!"
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Mogel "K-Rad"
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---------------------#10 (finally)--------------------------
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Napolean <pets his little cat> "Ahh.. a Mr. Mogel.. I have been..
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expecting youu"
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<all> "GASP!"
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Napolean "I suppose your wondering why forest gump has been following
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you around?"
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Mogel "Uhh.. kinda"
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Napolean "He's just retarded I guess. Wanna lynch him?"
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Quicksilver "YEAH! Kill the bastard!"
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Napolean "Ok"
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<everyone goes and lynches forest gump>
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Mogel "That was fun"
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Quicksilver "Can we have our `zines back now?"
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Napolean "Uhh.. no"
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Mogel "Man.. this has to end in this story!"
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Napolean "Yeah.. and if I kept all the `zines it would be a happy
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ending.. for me"
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Mogel "Stop being a jerk man"
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Quicksilver "Yeah.."
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Napolean "Admit it!! It's a conspiracy!! Napoleans middle name isn't
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nybar!!!"
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Mogel "Admit what?!"
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<all> "CHICKENBUTT!"
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Mogel "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
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Cokeacola "Aww.. give em their `zines back"
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Napolean "Ahh.. ok."
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:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)))))))))))))))))))))))):)))))):))):):))))
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Fetal Pig RAGGEEEE!! (1 of 5)
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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================================
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:( :( <|< :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( 8-= (stickin his tounge out!)
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Leroy "Man.. I'm tired of my family.. my children.. my brothers,
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being killed and butchered!"
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Tyrone "MAnnn.. it's harrddddddddd.. it's harrrrrrddddddd"
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Leroy "We gotta escape da pigs N dere OPRESSION!"
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Big tom "Hey man.. we're the pigs!"
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Tyrone "Hey shut up mannnnnn"
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Latifa "We break out tonight guys"
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Big tom "I got da knives, da guns.. and da warez"
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Tyrone "I can get us outta da cage.. and outta da door"
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Leroy "I got some leather jackets.. sun glasses.."
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Big Tom "We ready my brothers and sisters? Lez do it"
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...
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Later that week.. one professor and 32 bio-students were found
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dead. Those dorks. They got beat up by a bunch of pigs.
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They must be dorks.
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Big Tom "D00d.. what are we gonna do now man.. a bunch a pigs on
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the street with no money or nothin"
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Tyrone "I gotta friend who will give us a place for some warez
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and crap"
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Big Tom "Kewl J. Money"
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------------Fetal pig rage 2.. or: A Bunch of Madddd Pigs #2------
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Petrock "So.. you got da warez?"
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Tyrone "We got em man"
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Big Tom "Mann.. your friend is a ROCK?!"
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Tyrone "An elete talkin pet rock dood"
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Petrock "You got some fishers dewds?"
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Tyrone "Oh yeah boyeeee"
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Petrock "Then you BE on da way"
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Tyrone "Alllll righttttt!!!!!! Where is it broda?"
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Petrock <points to warehouse> "That be it"
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Big tom "A warehouse man? You gotta be kiddin"
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Tyrone "Be creative man.. we could make it da `warezhouse'"
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Latifa "Awww yeahhhhh"
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Petrock "It's yours brothas and sistahs"
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Tyrone "All rightt.. lets go terroize some innocent doods"
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Big tom "Yeah!"
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..
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Later that week 50 people are either mugged or mugged then killed
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by the lil piggy wiggies. Dorks.
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Tyrone "Dewd.. members have been joining like deres no snoop
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piggy pig"
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Big Tom "Elete"
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--------000000000000#3*&V!#@$*@#$@#$)----------------=====!!!!!!!!!!
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Big Tom "Gimme some suga' honey"
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Latifa <frenches big tom>
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Tyrone "Mannn.. we got mafia connections.. over 300 members..
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like 40 million dollarz.. we be elete pigs broda!"
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Big tom "Yeah.. but there are some doods who won't just admit
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we da best"
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Tyrone "Who man?"
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Big tom "A bunch of `zine phreaks"
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Tyrone "What the heck is a `zine man?"
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Big tom "No idea.. but they be screwin up our operations.."
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Hacker "Maybe III can do something about that!"
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Big tom "Hacka! Dood! Yer elete man!"
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Hacker "Don I know it"
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Big tom "What ya gonna do man?"
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Hacker "Hack da big dewd.. mogels.. crap.. and den own dem `zine
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stuff.."
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... later
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WELCOME TO AOL!
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PLEASE ENTER YOUR USER ID: HACKER
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NOW ENTER YOUR PASSWORD: PASSWORD
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WELCOME HACKER! You have mail waiting!
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From: Your Mother
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CC: What does CC mean?
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Subject: You stink!
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--------------------------
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You couldn't hack your way into
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your own pants!
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Join talk thing: Hakerz
|
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||
hacker has just joined the channel
|
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Hacker: Dood.. anyone know where mogel hangs out? I gonna fish em.
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Dogboy: Who's mogel?
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Dumbutt: yeah.. who the hell is mogel@!!?
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Joltcola: You mean that `zine dood? He's to elete to be on aol!
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hacker has just left this room.
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..even later
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Hacker "Man tyrone.. those `zine doods are to lame to ever have aol
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||
accounts, there not even worth it!"
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Tyrone "Elete"
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Fetal Pig RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE #4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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||
Tyrone "Man hacker.. I don care what you say.. dem `zine doods be
|
||
opressin!!"
|
||
Hacker "Yeah! Lets burn there houses down!!!"
|
||
... merc's house burns to the ground.
|
||
Big Tom "Yeah!"
|
||
Hacker "Uhh.. no.. lets take over there `zines! By takin there pwords
|
||
and takin over there `zines!!"
|
||
... They get alot O crap of mine.. and then they kill me.
|
||
Big tom "Now we control poupey! We're elete!!!"
|
||
`Zine Guy "Isn' this alittle bit to much like y0lk 100?"
|
||
Big tom "Hey.. we eat chicken for breakfast!"
|
||
Tyrone "MMMMMMMMMMMMM Poultry!!"
|
||
Big tom "Hey.. it's hard writing poupey by ourselves"
|
||
... 3 years later
|
||
Tyrone "WHY THE HELL DOES NO ONE WRITE FOR POUPEY?!?@!?$@#$
|
||
Big Tom "YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!@#_$(@#$_(@#+$@($#!!!@$~@#$"
|
||
Tyrone "Can't.. take it.. anymore..
|
||
.. later that year a whollllleee lot of fetal pigs are found dead.
|
||
Must have commited suicide.. cause no one writes for poupey
|
||
man. No one. Why the hell.
|
||
|
||
---------------FETAL PIG RAGE: CONCLUSION!---------------------------
|
||
|
||
I really can't die in a t-file. Isn't that cool?
|
||
BLAM! I'm dead. Next story.. I'm alive. Hell.. I've destroyed
|
||
the universe.. 4... 5 times. Don't worry.. it's fine.
|
||
Really.. I can do anything in a text file. Watch
|
||
: And then I took over the world.. ate a cheesburgar.. got all the
|
||
chicks.. and took a piss"
|
||
Pretty kool huh?
|
||
If you want to be able to do crap like that.. umm.. write for
|
||
poupey. Yeah. Actually.. no matter what.. write for poupey.
|
||
Your just not writing cause your jealous. Do you know how
|
||
much something like this taxes my creative talents? Those
|
||
Pigs were a bunch of dorks! Dorks they were! Dorks!
|
||
I'm not that big a dork. No way man. Like remember that thingie
|
||
when the `hacker' went on AOL?! Yeah.. very taxing of my
|
||
creative talents. Think I'll end this now.
|
||
|
||
===============================================================
|
||
|
||
DAMN YUPPIE SCUM!@#$@#$@#$ #1
|
||
-------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Nybar "Damn yuppie scum. Watchin there football.. listening
|
||
to whatever the trendy music at the time is.. workin
|
||
for there faceless mega corporations. Yeah.. they need
|
||
to die."
|
||
Joltcola "Killing all of them would be nearly impossible.. but
|
||
we can surrrreeee kill a hell of alot!"
|
||
Nybar "Yeahh.. and.. thats what we're gonna do. I'm goin on
|
||
a crusade.. me N da posse"
|
||
jC "Uhh.. froboy.. snakeface... mojo.. bessie the wonder cow..
|
||
yipyip.. mewmew; vimto, farmer zed.. that should be
|
||
enough for alot of senseless slaughter!"
|
||
Snakeface "Lets kick some yuppe ass!"
|
||
Farmerzed "Yeah! YEAHYEAHYEAH!"
|
||
Joltcola "Elete.. but we can't just pick these doods off the street"
|
||
Froboy "Whyyyyy notttt?"
|
||
Joltcola "To many targets man! We gotta do something.. like have a
|
||
barbEEcue and invite a bunch of yuppies!"
|
||
Nybar "Kewl!"
|
||
Farmerzed "Good plan man"
|
||
(bonus fun thing..)
|
||
|
||
----------------------------------------
|
||
| B-B CUE! YUPPIES WELCOMED!!! |
|
||
| Free BEER! Big screen TV!! |
|
||
| FOOTBALL CHANNEL!! |
|
||
| INVITE TO A BB-CUE! |
|
||
| All YUPPIES invited! |
|
||
| Fire works! |
|
||
| Pig Roast! |
|
||
| Bring the kiddies! |
|
||
| |
|
||
| Don't know where? FINNDDD OUT!!! |
|
||
| This is you goin to the piggy roast!|
|
||
|So get to it!______ Cause you don't |
|
||
|Wanna-------| :) |------ Be lame like |
|
||
|_____|__________________|_That ascii!__ |
|
||
|
||
========Damn FUCKING yuppies #2=======
|
||
|
||
Yeah.. we know how to throw a barbicue. Yeah.
|
||
We just.. threw some cheap crap on the grill.. had people whack
|
||
A pinyahta whatever filled with gunpowder with a flaming torch.
|
||
Yeah.. that party ruled. And then, it was time for fireworks!
|
||
So we got some big ol explosives.. and then.. before lighting them
|
||
said "Gotta get those matches.." and went off and lit the fuse.
|
||
And then everyone blew up... cept us cause we were just sittin
|
||
around twiddlin our thumbs goin "Doddlleee oop doop dooo"
|
||
at the time. And it was pretty damn funny. And then.. we started
|
||
eating the crap they brought for us. Brownines which I pretended
|
||
were poop.. and it was funny. Then snakeface and froboy drunk
|
||
all the beer and passed out.. and joltcola.. well who knows what
|
||
he's doing. Farmer zed was inspecting the medicine cabnits.
|
||
Then.. I discovered some rice crispy squares! ELETE! Ever
|
||
heard the joke.. what did the rice crispies say to the asshole?
|
||
`Snap crackle fuck you you lamer!' Isn't that a brilliant joke?
|
||
But then I drank a whole bowl of punch someone had put alot of
|
||
brandy in and I don't remember anything else. Oh yeah jC
|
||
tells me that he found some elete ducks out back!!
|
||
Yeah! One of my best parties ever!
|
||
|
||
==========What.. you lookin at me? No one else here! Fuck you yuppie!=#3====
|
||
|
||
So anyway we only got like 200 people at that party. Not enough
|
||
man. Not enough yuppies dead. To many yuppies alive. But then
|
||
Froboy was readin the paper.. or his fro was.. and he came upon
|
||
something that was sellin tickets for the superbowl! Yeah!
|
||
Thousands of yuppies there!! And some free bonus rednecks to!!#@$
|
||
And it even said the prez was gonna be there! Elete! Kill the
|
||
prez.. the yupsters, and the yellow bellied cow tippers! Yeah!
|
||
So anyway.. froboy got the high explosives... zed got the
|
||
electric conductors and some sparking wires, snakeface got the
|
||
tape recorders and the sterio system.. mojo got the land mines and
|
||
I got around 6 bottles of wine for afterwards. Yeah.. we were ready dood.
|
||
But then I Watched the movie bambi and I was so sad that we
|
||
almost didn't do it. But in the end.. we still did.
|
||
And it was really cool. God I wish I got it on tape.
|
||
Waitasec.. I don't believe in god! Ok.. potato I wish I had
|
||
got it on tape. Hey.. potatoes are just easier to believe in..
|
||
you know? So anyway we broke into the stadium a day before
|
||
the super bowl and set this crap up.
|
||
|
||
----------$$$$$$$$$$$$#4 (Where alot of yuppies die!)
|
||
|
||
So anyway.. we planted the land mines in the playing field so
|
||
some players started blowing up. It was pretty damn funny. And then
|
||
we hit the prez with a lightning bolt and he sparked to death. That
|
||
was really really really funny. Then the tape recorders we got played
|
||
things (over the sterio system) like "Without the president the
|
||
econemy will collapse?!!?" and "Those land mines were planted by
|
||
the reds to start WW3?!" and my faviorate "That lightning bolt that
|
||
hit the president was from space invaders from the moon who are
|
||
going to destroy the earth! It's doomsday! DOOMMSSSSSDAYYY!"
|
||
And that set everyone into a panic. And then the high explosives
|
||
detonated and everyone blew up. Wheeeww did they blow up.
|
||
Dead pieces of guys flying everywhere. Owch! So I guess your
|
||
wondering why didn't we just blow em up in the first place?
|
||
Well.. aside from my flair for the dramatic.. I really just
|
||
wanted to watch em all run around. And I wanted to kill the
|
||
prezident seperately. And those players on the playing field..
|
||
well have you ever seen a bunch of guys trying to play
|
||
football on a mine field? Pretty damn funny man. Yeah.. I
|
||
killed these guys seperately for my amusement. And cause we
|
||
wanted to test out our new sterio system.. that got blown
|
||
to smithereens. Ka-BAM! heehee.. funnyfunnyfunny.
|
||
|
||
-------------------Wrap up thinge.. many yuppies dead--------------
|
||
|
||
J0ltCola went on to.. well.. drink alot of joltcola. Froboy
|
||
went on to conquer 3 continents.. leading armies with his
|
||
mighty fro. Farmer Zed went on to re-invent the idea of mulching.
|
||
Snakeface, later in life.. killed alot of people by biting them..
|
||
and then ate them in one gulp. Yum. Yipyip went on to be a really
|
||
annoying poodle who wouldn't shut up.. oh and he battled weiner
|
||
dogs.. in a far off galaxy. Mewmew went on to be a commander in
|
||
one of my cat-duck-cow armies. And I went on to thinking how
|
||
lame the things where you just told the jist of the future
|
||
of all of the main charecters in a story or movie.. when you
|
||
could have just made a sequal or something that.. no matter
|
||
how bad... lots of people would see just cause the first one
|
||
was elete. Yeah.. so I guess I'm just a jerk for doing something
|
||
like this. Yeah.
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
`A Cosmic POTATO?!! Are you MAD?!' -Plato Addressing Nybar
|
||
|
||
%%^^^^^^
|
||
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||
|
||
Uhh.. well of course Nybars da elete god and all.. but there were some
|
||
doods before him that sucked. Yeah. Well.. lets start at the
|
||
beginning of the universe. Uhh.. there was a lil "Pop!" and the
|
||
universe was created. And for a brief period of time.. everything
|
||
was good and kosher dill pickle. But then the universe got really
|
||
bored and decided to have a potato. So it ate the potato and the
|
||
potato was good. And now the potato was in the center of the universe
|
||
.. and it was using it's godly potato powers to hold off being
|
||
digested. So it started creating a bunch of crap like flowers.. bees,
|
||
and that stuff. And then he created the wombat. Ohh the wombat
|
||
was a cool one all right. Give thanks to the potato for creating
|
||
the elete wombat!!! Phear that wombat! Phear it! Phear the elete!
|
||
So anyway one night.. when it was dreaming..
|
||
it dreamed of a verryyy scary world where pixies.. fairies.. elves,
|
||
and escimos reigned. And then it accidentaly dreamed of nybar
|
||
(not me.. the god!) and accidentaly created him. And Nybar was
|
||
elete. And he made all the elete stuff other than the wombat.
|
||
So anyway.. just remembered something.. I explained doomsday
|
||
for earth.. but not for the universe. Well.. when the potatoes
|
||
godly powers fail and it gets digested.. the universe will get
|
||
a bad case of indigestion and croak. Isn't that a terrible way
|
||
to die?
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
`Republicans seem so innocent...'
|
||
|
||
Yeah.. some people asked me "Why republicans?! They seem so
|
||
Innocent!!!" Yeah well anyway I decided to answer in this `zine
|
||
instead of just telling them so they would be really confused.
|
||
Anyway.. I don't like republicans cause they offer young
|
||
american d00ds quick fix crap.. like a drugg (nothing against
|
||
drugs). But then.. once yer hooked.. they reel you in.. and
|
||
before you know it.. your wearin bland suits carrying a
|
||
briefcase attending PTA meetings. Thats gets scareier and
|
||
scareier the more you think about it. And they are just a bunch
|
||
of uptight jerks. Say.. I wanted to go on the beach and take
|
||
my pet lobsters for a walk. But nooooo. What do they do?
|
||
Why.. they try and take my lobsters! Damn lobster grabbers!
|
||
And.. you know.. some `democrats' are just vehicles for
|
||
republican rule. Bill Clinton is the a good example. See
|
||
How he chooses the most mind crushing things likely to
|
||
make you so opressed you do something like register
|
||
republican.. thinking that that `freedom' would be just as
|
||
good. Web decency act.. dress code crap. What the hell is
|
||
your problem? Why do you even ask me `Why republicans?'
|
||
?!! Ever notice how they attack fictional `zines and
|
||
cartoons and crap instead of confronting real issues?!
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
"Puffin.. forget prose.. preferably"
|
||
|
||
Anyway one day I was walking down main street.. and I came
|
||
to a restraunt called `The east end main cafe' and it had
|
||
a sign on the door that said "No puffin' allowed!" and it
|
||
had a picture of a puffin with a top hat and a cane smoking
|
||
a cigar. You can see the great injustice in this! So.. I
|
||
told froboy about it and he knew that we had to take action!
|
||
So he got a puffin and I got a big trench coat to smuggle it
|
||
in in... and we took it in. And then when we were ordering
|
||
I said to the waitress "Yes.. I'd like.. uhh.. 2 hamburgars
|
||
for me and this fro.. and a chicken special for my invisible
|
||
friend here" And I pointed to the empty seat next to me.
|
||
But sadly this waitress had heard that one before.. and
|
||
she said "I've heard that one before!" and then she searched
|
||
me and found the puffin. She took it out and was about to tell
|
||
the big ass cook named `Big Bertha' who just might whack me
|
||
with a frying pan. But then I offered her a fat bribe.. and
|
||
she accepted. Anyway.. the puffin loved to food.. and..
|
||
it was ok to us.. but we had been there before. There
|
||
really isn't any point to this story. We just liked
|
||
smuggling rare birds into forbidden resteraunts.. thats
|
||
all.
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------- -----------
|
||
|
||
"Unrealistic plans for the future"
|
||
--------------------------------
|
||
|
||
jC "Ok.. so first.. we write this big ol monumental issue of
|
||
poupey #10.. and then everyone writes for it.."
|
||
Nybar "What do you mean `WE' I'm the one who always has to write
|
||
these things!!"
|
||
jC "And yet you still get introduced as `jC's brother'"
|
||
Nybar "Shut the fuck up and finish your sentence"
|
||
jC "ok.. Then everyone writes for it.. and we do another special
|
||
like this in poupey 50 cept alot of people submit and we have
|
||
200 stories.."
|
||
Nybar "Are you SURE people will be submitting?!"
|
||
jC "Hey.. no one wrote for y0lk till like issue #10 either"
|
||
Nybar "The last thing I need right now is you comparing us to y0lk"
|
||
jC "Oh sorry"
|
||
Nybar "So then at ish #99 we'd have a special classic thing where
|
||
we put the best poupey's ever in."
|
||
jC "Yeah.. and at #100 we'd have... ONE THOUSAND STORIES!!"
|
||
Nybar "No I don't think so"
|
||
jC "Why not?"
|
||
Nybar "Every story is a page.. every page is a story.. ONE THOUSAND
|
||
FUCKING PAGES!! WHOS GONNA READ IT!"
|
||
jC "Ok.. we'll just do 250 and the rest will just be alot of
|
||
random stuff like `eekek3rq3rt34T4tphreak34R%T#4'"
|
||
Nybar "Good plan.. and then at #150 we close it down and take over
|
||
all of the other `zines!"
|
||
jC "Yeah.. do you know anything about hacking?"
|
||
Nybar "Do YOU?"
|
||
jC "Um.. yeah.. alittle.. you?"
|
||
Nybar "I'm the hacker king"
|
||
jC "Yeah... poupey's gonna rule man"
|
||
Nybar "Sure is"
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
and now for some quoteable quotes
|
||
|
||
Murmur "Wow.. your productivity is amazing man"
|
||
bF "Stop calling me big francine!! And why wasn't I in that
|
||
alternative `zine thing?!"
|
||
Mogel "Call my agent"
|
||
Merc "It's all a diabolical plot with the hipsters and the commies"
|
||
jC "Yeah.. right.. In My PANTS!"
|
||
Merc "Napoleans middle name was nybar man. I'm telling you"
|
||
Frenchie "Djon POOPOO?"
|
||
German dood "My name is jestephar"
|
||
`zine d00d "I phear mogel"
|
||
Fetal pig "The way you told our story really sucked"
|
||
Valley girl "Like.. fersher"
|
||
edicus "I Think they alllll get the point that I pooped my pants..
|
||
ONCE! Stop writing stuff about me and I'll stop banning
|
||
you man!"
|
||
Fatslayer "I'm not gay.. but would you like a date?"
|
||
HomerSimpson "Woohoo!"
|
||
ForestGump "What was the big deal back there in that alternative `zine
|
||
storyline back there? I'm not that stupid!!"
|
||
Froboy "Yes you are"
|
||
|
||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
The Menace of the valley girls!! #1
|
||
|
||
Trixy "Teehee.. like.. ya know.. that.. nybar guy.. is like.. a jerk,
|
||
ya know."
|
||
Roxy "Yeah.. like.. whatEVER girl"
|
||
Foxy <blows a big bubble with her bubble gum>
|
||
Loxy "No.. I say we.. like.. ya know.. well.. you know.. put whip cream
|
||
on his door.. like.. ya know.. WHATEVER!"
|
||
Trixy "That sounds GOOD girl!"
|
||
Foxy "Lets egg his house girls!"
|
||
Roxy "And we can even steal his MAIL! And put the flag down!"
|
||
Loxy "Thats just to mean girl.. I.. ya know.. love it"
|
||
<all> "Tee hee"
|
||
...later, nybars house
|
||
Nybar "Aww crap... someone trashed my house!! Man.. thats what I get for
|
||
sleeping!!"
|
||
Froboy "I know who it was!"
|
||
Nybar "But HOW?!?!"
|
||
Froboy "The fro has eyes and ears.. my son"
|
||
Nybar "I'm not your son!"
|
||
Froboy "Oh yeah. You'd be suprised how often I make that mistake"
|
||
Nybar "So who was it?! The republicans? The yuppies?! The head of walt
|
||
disney?!!?!!?"
|
||
Froboy "It was...."
|
||
Froboy "THE VALLEY GIRLS!!!"
|
||
<all> "GASP!"
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
`Yeah.. like WHATEVER' -Roxy.. in an intellectual mood
|
||
|
||
Nybar "You don't understand how big this is man!!!!!! YOU KNOW THE RULES?!"
|
||
jC "Uhh.. no"
|
||
Nybar "Rules are.. valley girls are annoying.. we pop there bubble gum
|
||
all over there hair.. and then they get pissed off but don't do
|
||
anything but talk and giggle alot"
|
||
jC "And.."
|
||
Nybar "It's against the laws of nature!! They took action! And now they
|
||
have a firm power base! We have to take them down!!!"
|
||
RavingKaamikazeeBomber "IT's A KAMIKAZEE MISSION MAN! SUICIDE! NONE OF US
|
||
ARE GONNA MAKE IT OUT ALIVE MANNN!! DON'T YOU SEE MANN!! THEY'LL KILL
|
||
US ALL!"
|
||
<Nybar slaps kamikazee dood really hard>
|
||
Kamikazeedude "I needed that mannnnnnnnn"
|
||
Froboy "He's Right! If the valley girls start acting.. we may all be
|
||
dead! The time to strike is now!"
|
||
Nybar "Hey! I'm the one who gets to talk all dramatic! It's my `zine!"
|
||
Froboy "I'm the only one who writes for it other than you, so show some
|
||
respect!"
|
||
Nybar "But what can we do"
|
||
<The ghost of edgar allen poe turns around in nybar's chair.. revealing
|
||
himself>
|
||
<all> "GASP!"
|
||
Poe "Perhaps III can help with that!"
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Valley girls suck!! #3
|
||
|
||
Roxy "How else can we.. ya know.. get back at.. like.. ya know.. whatever,
|
||
all the jerks out there.. ya know?"
|
||
Trixy "They should come to counterstrike us. But when they do.. we'll
|
||
be READY!"
|
||
Foxy "YEAH! We can get FIVE HUNDRED Valley girls from all over and alot
|
||
of football quarterbacks for backup!!"
|
||
..in nybars inner sanctum
|
||
Poe "You see.. what we would do.. would be to send a man to the inside..
|
||
to distract them. Then.. while they were fighting.. we would cut
|
||
the lights. Since they are all scared of the dark.. we could then
|
||
send mewmew.. who has excellent night vision.. to BREAK THEIR
|
||
FINGERNAILS!"
|
||
Froboy "And then we could just announce we would turn the lights back
|
||
on a lead em to a good manacure if they surrendered and started
|
||
playing by the rules again"
|
||
jC "Thats BEAUTIFUL!"
|
||
Nybar "On problem.. who we gonna send in?"
|
||
Yipyip "I might be just the dog your lookin for!"
|
||
Nybar "Why you?"
|
||
Yipyip "Cause I would have no part in this story otherwise"
|
||
Nybar "Oh"
|
||
Yipyips Bitch "Don'ttttt do it yippie!"
|
||
Yipyip "A dogs gotta do.. what a dogs gotta do.. bitch"
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
HAHAH!! DIE VALLEY GIRLS DIE! #4
|
||
|
||
Trixy <standing on podium.. talking on loudspeaker> "WHAT DO WE WANT?!"
|
||
<all> "HORSES!"
|
||
Trixy "WHEN DO WANT EM?!"
|
||
<all> "NOW!"
|
||
Trixy "WHAT DO WE WANT!?"
|
||
<all> "PONIES AND EXPENSIVE CARS!"
|
||
Trixy "WHEN DO WE WANT EM?!"
|
||
<all> "NOW!"
|
||
<yipyip comes in.. barkin like his bitch>
|
||
Trixy "Like.. ya know.. ATTACK! or WHATever!"
|
||
<football d00ds and vally girls start attacking yipyip>
|
||
...nybars point of view
|
||
Nybar "Wow.. bet yipyip is kickin some ass!"
|
||
jC "Or gettin his ass kicked"
|
||
Nybar "Got my mojo workin hard"
|
||
jC "Workin hard.. or hardly workin?"
|
||
Nybar "Shut up"
|
||
Froboy "Both of you shut up.. we're here to take the lights out"
|
||
Nybar "Les rock"
|
||
<nybar froboy and jC sneak into the building... go into the basement..
|
||
cut some wires.. and presto.. the lights go out>
|
||
Nybar "Wow.. can't believe we did it"
|
||
Froboy "What II Can't believe is that we didn't get caught with you two
|
||
yakkin all the way here"
|
||
jC "Hey we did it man! If mewmew does his job.. this operation can
|
||
be declared a success!"
|
||
Froboy "Yeah.. then we can go to TCBY and claim it's we're all triplettes
|
||
and it's all of our birthdays again.. can't believe how many
|
||
times that has worked!!!"
|
||
jC "Elete!"
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
Like.. ya know.. time ta die.. valley girls (conclusion)
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
<mewmew runs into the valley girl complex.. not knowing how long
|
||
the confusion can last>
|
||
mewmew "I don't know how long this confusion can last"
|
||
<mewmew runs into the conference room.. where all were battling yipyip>
|
||
Mewmew "Wonder where he is.. well.. down to work"
|
||
<mewmew starts popping their bubble gum in there faces and breaking
|
||
their fingernails.. causing a panic>
|
||
Mewmew <shouting> "IF YOU AND OBEY THE RULEZ SURRENDER AND YOU WILL BE
|
||
LED TO A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN GET A GOOD MANICURE!"
|
||
Fatslayer "Oh that would be DELIGHTFUL!"
|
||
Mewmew <yelling> "NOT YOU!"
|
||
<valley girls lay down whatever they had.. and are lead away by
|
||
froboy nybar and jC.. who have arrived on the scene by now>
|
||
<lights flick back on>
|
||
Yipyip <out in a corner.. bleeding to death>
|
||
Mewmew "You got beat up by a bunch of GIRLS!"
|
||
Yipyip "ahhhohhh.. there were those.. ahh.. football d00ds to man"
|
||
Froboy "Yeah.. right.. you got beat up by a bunch of GIRLS!"
|
||
Yipyip "Just shut the fuck up and get you to a hospital!"
|
||
Nybar "Yeah.. on your sheet it will say `Got beat up by a buncha girls'
|
||
and the doctor will sigh and say `not another one'"
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Partytime!
|
||
|
||
So anyway I got a perfectly normal looking invite to a party.
|
||
Perfectly normal looking. So I decided `What the hell..
|
||
the invatation said to bring a friend.. so I'll bring jC"
|
||
. Around a week later.. we arrived at the party. And then
|
||
we looked around. It was a yuppie party alright. Me and jC
|
||
were trapped in the middle of a yuppie party. It was gonna be
|
||
tough. To paraphrase the immortal immortal dude.. "I live
|
||
forever cause I'm immortal dude." Brilliant. Maybe I should
|
||
mention that at that party.. I had a brilliant idea. A bunch
|
||
of people were writing on the driveway with some chawk.. so
|
||
I grabbed it and in really huge elete letters wrote
|
||
"Write for POUPEY!" and I underlined poupey. That should
|
||
-------
|
||
boost circulation 100%!! So anyway.. they had this elete
|
||
pinhyatta.. and they were letting the little kids go first..
|
||
and with no blindfolds.. so to get back at them.. I hit all
|
||
of the people standing around a gawking and then pretended
|
||
I didn't mean to. It was really funny.
|
||
Then they were all have fireworks.. but we had already stolen
|
||
them all.. so they said `Where are they?' and we launched
|
||
them at the yuppies. And then we ran home.
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
An exclusive with olive oil
|
||
|
||
Nybar "So.. to begin.. what do you think of popeye? A real dork isn't
|
||
he?"
|
||
Olive-oil "He's my man!"
|
||
Nybar "So how many times have you dumped him in favor of some trussed
|
||
up bluto just to go crawlin back?"
|
||
Olive "Oh.. around 250 I'd say"
|
||
Nybar "So what about that whole sweet-pee think.. who's was he?"
|
||
Olive "Mine and popeyes"
|
||
Nybar "Oh.. ok.. been sexin it up eh? Does he take his spinach before
|
||
sex?"
|
||
Olive "Before the sex that made sweet pee.. yeah"
|
||
Nybar "Can you see the problems for sweet pee later in life having
|
||
a name with the word `pee' in it?"
|
||
Olive "I guess I really hadn't thought of that.."
|
||
Nybar "So why do you always seem to abandon popeye.. even when you
|
||
2 had those 3 kids.."
|
||
Olive "I guess I'm just a ramblin gal"
|
||
Nybar "Yeah whatever. So if you can get herculian strength by having
|
||
some spinach.. why isn't everyone doing it?"
|
||
Olive "Umm.. cause it isn't illeagel?"
|
||
Nybar "Or maybe it just tastes bad. Specially cold.. out of a can.."
|
||
Olive "I almost didn't have that first date with popeye cause he had
|
||
spinach between his teeth"
|
||
Nybar "Elete.. but out time is up. Bye"
|
||
Olive "Umm.. bye"
|
||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Why this issue of poupey is elete
|
||
---------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Cause it just is. Just kidding.
|
||
|
||
...
|
||
|
||
Cause this is 50 fucking stories in one issue man. And it isn't even
|
||
a big deal issue either. It's #10. And I'm writing it all by myself.
|
||
Ever tried to write 50 stories like this all by yourself?! It ain't easy.
|
||
I hate those d00ds who say "Ain't isn't a word cause it AIN'T in the
|
||
dictionary" it's in the dictionary all right. I mean.. shit isn't in
|
||
the pussy whipped off dictionarys their reffering to. Crap man.. what
|
||
the hell is their problem?! Stop bothering me! Why the hell do I do
|
||
this? I just sit up all night writing poupey stories for about 5
|
||
people who read half of it and don't get any of the jokes.. or get
|
||
them for the wrong reasons. Maybe cause I'm elete.. like the wombat.
|
||
Phear me. I'm da `zine machine. 50 stories.. one night.. something
|
||
new to phear in this phearful world. And I wrote poupey10 BEFORE
|
||
we put together poupey 09. Phear that.
|
||
|
||
============================================================================
|
||
|
||
`Well OO' La De DAH Mr. Frenchman' - by Nybar
|
||
---------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
It's not pronounced like a frenchy. Poupey that is. Not like poupe.
|
||
Like poopy. We just couldn't think of an acronym for two o's.
|
||
RAD=Rat Ass Deadbeat, DTO= Dainty Tulip Organization.. and poupey=
|
||
Poop old ugly poumpous electronic yams. None of them really MEAN
|
||
anything.. and I just asked someone randomly on the street what the
|
||
other acronyms were. Actually.. Poor old ugly poumpous electronic
|
||
yams doesn't MEAN anything. It just sounds nifty. Rollsss off the
|
||
tounge. There have been so many of these stories.. at least one
|
||
of them must have been a classic. So now the night is just ending.
|
||
And here I am. Still writing poupey stories. Poupey: The crazy
|
||
playground of my mind. You see.. first it was so stupid/bad it
|
||
was funny.. now it's so funny it's funny. Or so they tell me.
|
||
I don't really see the difference. Except I think howard the
|
||
magical chipmunk is one of the most elite stories ever. Really
|
||
elite. Pretty much what I'm trying to do is uhh.. well get alot
|
||
of mini-serises in this.. and just some random stuff in between.
|
||
Potato.. that olive oil thing was brilliant. Really brilliant.
|
||
You know.. if you stick, a nail.. in a potato.. it will cook
|
||
in half the time. elite.
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
`CRAP! I STUBBED MY elite TOE!' -Nybar
|
||
|
||
Well maybe this should have a different title. Cause you really
|
||
can't base a story on stubbing your toe. Actually.. you can and
|
||
now that I mention it think I will try it in the future. It will
|
||
be elite. Anyway.. this is about an average day in my life.
|
||
|
||
1:00 woke up.. went to bathroom.. wrote for poupey
|
||
2:30 finished writing for poupey.. go on IRC
|
||
2:45 Get banned from all the gay channels.. wrote for poupey
|
||
3:00 Finish story.. go to froboys house
|
||
3:15 Me and froboy drive around in his elite car
|
||
3:30 Really annoy waitresses with froboy at gold hawk road cafe
|
||
4:00 Went to bathroom
|
||
5:00 Was reading a magazine.. but will pretend was constapated
|
||
5:20 Stubbed my elite toe. Just sat around.
|
||
6:00 Wrote for poupey
|
||
6:30 Watched simpsons
|
||
7:00 Drunk alot of coffee.. decided to stay up all night writing.
|
||
3:00 Took a bathroom break
|
||
5:00 Took another bathroom break
|
||
7:00 People wondering why I seem more out of it than usual.
|
||
8:00 At this point.. I was one of these people
|
||
|
||
-------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Brilliant observations galore.
|
||
|
||
Think of what bugs bunnies day must be like.. :
|
||
Find whoever comes into the forest and make their life hell.
|
||
If no one comes get your friend daffy blown to bits.
|
||
Make sure not to run out of carrats. If elmer fudd or porkey
|
||
pig in elmer fudd garb comes along.. make sure to BLAST EM!
|
||
...
|
||
This is no way to live.. for a hunter or for a rabbit. And then they
|
||
made they crappy spinoffs where.. they all had kids and moved to vegas!
|
||
butchers. Wish I could have a life like bugs bunnies.. so I could
|
||
harrass a bunch of phreaks and.. harrass them. A word to the
|
||
hamsters: BROWN FUR IS HELL! SHAVEN SPLENDOR IS DIVINITY! OPRESSION
|
||
BY THE FUZZZZZ.. OR FREDEEOM OF A BUZZ?
|
||
...
|
||
So I try and make poupey a gooooddd like jumbo kosher pickle.. and
|
||
believe me.. I HAVE tried.. with alll the culture I have at my
|
||
disposal. Not much. So it comes out like this.. a peice of poop..
|
||
you say? Hey.. it's a way to write a bunch of stories for no
|
||
reason.
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
My worst day ever -Nybar
|
||
000000000000000000000000000000000000
|
||
|
||
First I awoke at 7:00. Bad headache. And I thought to myself:
|
||
OHHHHHH BOYYYYYYY Am IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII GRUMPPPYY!!
|
||
GRUMPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYY MOOOONNNKKKKKEEYYYYY!!!!
|
||
|
||
So I got outta bed.. went and choked down some cerial..
|
||
which tasted more shitty then ever. Then I walked up to
|
||
my room and wrote for poupey.. But no AC in that room so
|
||
I went to jc's... and he kicked me out. And then I fell out
|
||
a window. Low second story.. into a street where someone was
|
||
shavin his head. Now I have a mini bald spot to testify the
|
||
momentous moment. Then I walked into the barber shop across
|
||
the street to see what they could do with my har.. but for
|
||
some reason they seemed to think I was `Poisioning there
|
||
country' which I thought was just bullshit. Then I had
|
||
a sub for lunch and I think it was the mayo made me vomit
|
||
this time. After that.. I read some books.. and wrote for
|
||
poupey. And then we went to the golden hawk road cafe for
|
||
dinner.. which I always love to do cause we have poupey
|
||
-worthy discussions. But they were closed. Renovation or
|
||
something.
|
||
|
||
Doesn't that suck?
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Some elite movie reviews
|
||
|
||
Independance day was.. ok. Meaning it wasn't baddddddddd.
|
||
I think they should have been so predicabile.. letting us win.
|
||
It's not very damn likely we would win anyway. Twister had
|
||
another weak plot.. something about a guy who leaves his wife
|
||
to go chase twisters with someone whose father got sucked up
|
||
by one awhile ago. A time to kill.. you can tell the plot by
|
||
watching the commercials. Special cameo by the klu-klux clan.
|
||
The rock was neatO. Some 60 year old beating up a bunch of modern
|
||
well trained marines. Those dorks. Also.. they almoooosttt blew a
|
||
football stadium up. Almost. Damn I forget. What the hell else
|
||
was there. Umm.. trainspotting? One of the best movies of the
|
||
(lame) summer. Real realistic. Uhh.. drugs. Lotsa them. Drugs
|
||
drugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugs.
|
||
Oh and there was sex.. underage, aids.. contracted from cat
|
||
shit.. and a bunch of other totally cool crap. Umm.. I saw other
|
||
movies.. but they were totally lame. So instead.. I'll tell some
|
||
TV stuff. Uhh.. I saw the net.. and the main charecter
|
||
was a fucking retard: In the middle of a crowded mall.. 2 people
|
||
with guns after her.. her work on the computer done. So what does
|
||
she do.. SHE RUNS TO THE FUCKING SECLUDED CATWALKS!! RETARD!
|
||
I saw a movie called the million dollar duck. elite! Watch this
|
||
crap!! I also saw a movie that had a cat much like orangey in
|
||
it called `Rhubarb' eliteeliteelite! About a cat who leads a
|
||
baseball team.. but then the mafia kidnaps him.. but he escapes
|
||
cause he's an elite 0-day cat.
|
||
|
||
---------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Our (ELEET) Day (1 of 5.. phear it!)
|
||
|
||
Here are some of the elete things that happened to
|
||
the poupey crew on tuesday. Watch N phear.
|
||
...
|
||
<me, froboy.. and joltcola are standing in the poupey sanctuary>
|
||
Froboy " Damn.. it's gonna be a GREAT day today!"
|
||
Nybar " Why do you say that?"
|
||
Froboy "Well.. you know that chick that sits next to me in
|
||
social malice class?"
|
||
jC <whistle>
|
||
Nybar "Go for it man!"
|
||
Froboy "Sitting and waiting for half a year.. TODAY IS THE DAY!"
|
||
Nybar "Oh.. ohhhhhhh yeah."
|
||
jC "Yes.. an elite party line!"
|
||
Nybar "What?"
|
||
jC "Just got invited to one.."
|
||
Nybar "Can I go on?"
|
||
jC "I can't see why not.."
|
||
Froboy <under his breath> "You fool"
|
||
Nybar "Yeah.. this is gonna be a k-rad day for all O us. Maybe
|
||
I'll write about.
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
`Yeah.. this is gonna be a k-rad day. Maybe I'll write about it' (#2)
|
||
|
||
<Nybar and jC connect to party line.. while froboy confrots `Sweedums'>
|
||
|
||
Nybar "Heyheyhey..."
|
||
Metalchic "I'mmmmm nettle"
|
||
Nybar "Uhh.. nybar here.."
|
||
Mogel "NYBAR!"
|
||
Mercuri "Nybar"
|
||
Nybar "Yeah?"
|
||
Mercuri "Nybar?"
|
||
Nybar "Yeahhhhhhhhhh WHAT?"
|
||
Creed "hahahhahhahhaha!!!#@$"
|
||
Mercuri "Hey mogel, gimme y0lk 99."
|
||
Mogel "Ok d00d"
|
||
Mercuri <reading y0lk>
|
||
Metalchic "Hey nybar.. say something funny"
|
||
Nybar "Ahhh.. to shave, a gerbil."
|
||
<all> "HAHAHAHHA"
|
||
Mercuri "Hey?! NYBAR! Whats this about me in y0lk 99!?!?!#%@"
|
||
Nybar "Ahh.. what?"
|
||
Mercuri "The thing about stick juggling.. me being a hillbilly.. ect"
|
||
Nybar "THAT was in Y0LK?!#@% IF I WANT SOMETHING IN Y0LK.. I'LL
|
||
WRITE IT FOR Y0LK!@#% YAHHHHHHHH@#$!_@``#(!!"
|
||
Mercuri "Well.. I'm just gonna have to go crazy and KILL you now.."
|
||
jC "Wow.. you'd have to be cool like the fonze to get out of
|
||
this one."
|
||
Nybar "Thats BRILLIANT! jC! Genius!"
|
||
jC "What?"
|
||
Nybar "The fonze will teach you the secret of being cool! You just
|
||
gotta find him!!"
|
||
jC "What about you?"
|
||
Nybar "I'll try and stall mercuri"
|
||
<everybody but mercuri hangs up>
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
`Awww.. teach me the secret to bein cool.. pleaseee?' -jC (#3)
|
||
|
||
Froboy <stands around.. waiting for the right time>
|
||
Chick <Looks tortureingly at froboy>
|
||
Froboy <takes a deep gulp>
|
||
Froboy <approaches>
|
||
Froboy "Ahhh.. wanna.. get ta.. know me, better?"
|
||
Chick "A date?"
|
||
Froboy "Yeah kinda"
|
||
Chick "When.. I may be busy (for the rest of the year)"
|
||
Froboy "Saturday night?"
|
||
Chick "Where.. somewhere not crowded"
|
||
Froboy "Well.. I can't afford much.."
|
||
Chick "Get on your knees and beg like a dog!!"
|
||
Froboy "What?"
|
||
Chick "Didn't you hear me?"
|
||
Froboy "Ahh.."
|
||
<froboy begs like a dog>
|
||
Chick "Hahahah.. maybe I WILL go out with you.. then again.. maybe
|
||
I won't."
|
||
Froboy <still begging> "Please?"
|
||
Chick "Nymabeeee"
|
||
Froboy "Whats that supposed to mean?"
|
||
Chick "It means you have to convince me why I should go out with you."
|
||
Froboy <takes a deeper gulp>
|
||
Froboy "Wellllllllll.."
|
||
<the fonze enters.. knocks on the juke-box to play some music.. and
|
||
checks the place out>
|
||
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
Coooooooooolllllll like the fonzzzzzzee (#4)
|
||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
<jC runs in.. panting>
|
||
Fonze "Woah.. my coolness tells me you are jC."
|
||
jC "Yeah.."
|
||
Fonze "So whaddaya want, my man, j0ltcOla?"
|
||
jC "Ahh.. the secret to bein cool?"
|
||
Fonze "Just cause you ASKED.. I can't tell you!"
|
||
jC "Awww.. teach me the secret to bein cool.. please?"
|
||
Fonze "Hey.. You wanna see the secret!?!? YOU WANNA SEE THE SECRET!?"
|
||
jC "Yes.. that would be nice"
|
||
|
||
Froboy "...I Have a neat fro.. with alot of, stuff living in it."
|
||
Chick "That all?"
|
||
Froboy "And in conclusion.. I..."
|
||
<fonze snaps his fingers>
|
||
Chick <Walks over and puts her arms around fonze>
|
||
Froboy "Ahhhh.. damn"
|
||
jC "Sorry man"
|
||
Froboy "She probably had aids anyway"
|
||
jC "Sour grapes"
|
||
Froboy "Shut up"
|
||
jC "Well.. I guess that was the secret to bein cool"
|
||
jC <snaps his fingers and a bird poops on his head>
|
||
Froboy "Seeing as how we're inside.. either that was an amazing
|
||
coincidence.. or you have no idea what being cool is
|
||
about.."
|
||
jC "Ahh crap.. forget this.. goin back to the Nybar.. maybe
|
||
we can roll mercuri up in a carpet and throw him up a
|
||
bridge"
|
||
Froboy "Sounds good"
|
||
|
||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
`Ahh.. doody crap.. we're screwed' -Nybar (Conclusion)
|
||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Nybar "So merc.. ever heard of the indians of zsjaii?"
|
||
Mercuri "Kill me.. kill me"
|
||
Nybar "Thats not suprising.. cause they don't exsist!!"
|
||
Mercuri "Oh god.. please shut up"
|
||
Nybar "So I says to the crocodile `Hello mr. prez.. I'mmmm a trolll
|
||
mann'."
|
||
Mercuri "This, is torture."
|
||
Nybar "And he says to me `I'm not the prez! You are! I'm the queen
|
||
of england! Silly!' And boy didn't I feel stupid."
|
||
Mercuri "Can't take much more.."
|
||
Nybar "Oh waitasec.. jC's back."
|
||
<nybar puts down phone>
|
||
Nybar "So.. how'd it go?"
|
||
jC "IIIIIIIIII..."
|
||
Froboy "Failed miseribly"
|
||
jC "Not the way I was going to put it.. but.. yeah."
|
||
Nybar "Ahhh.. doody crap.. we're screwed."
|
||
Nybar "Maybe I can still reason with him.... <picks up phone>"
|
||
Nybar "Ahh.. theres something that froboy once said to me while
|
||
we were both in the process of `Liberating' a gerbil from
|
||
it's fur.."
|
||
Mercuri "Can't TAKE IT ANY MORE!!@#@$ YAHQHHAHAH!@$214'!!!"
|
||
<BLAM!>
|
||
Nybar "Guess.. he committed suicide.."
|
||
jC "That worked out pretty well"
|
||
Froboy "Better him then us."
|
||
jC "Hey.. when he said he was going to kill you.. I think he
|
||
was just kidding"
|
||
Froboy "Welllll.. doesn't make any difference now"
|
||
Nybar "You said it brodda"
|
||
|
||
Worthless.. obsessive (brilliant) Junk (1 of 2)
|
||
-----------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
<me and froboy are sitting alone in the golden hawk road cafe.. waiting
|
||
for jC>
|
||
Froboy "Aww.. do it.. do it man"
|
||
Nybar "Ahh.. comeone.. I don't like doing it in public places.."
|
||
Froboy "Why not?"
|
||
Nybar "If I do it.. You'll see why not.."
|
||
Froboy "Than do it!"
|
||
Nybar "POTATO! OK!"
|
||
Froboy "Get to it man..."
|
||
<nybar.. in a bill cosby type voice> "Gawwww.. gawwww.. ya see.. the kiddss,
|
||
ta the rap mussssssiiiiiiccccc.. they don know bout the JAZZZZZZ
|
||
musiciansssssss!!"
|
||
<all> "BILL COSBY?!?! AUTOGRAPH?!?!"
|
||
Nybar "CRAP man! Now I got a bunch of people staring at me! I'm not
|
||
Bill Cosby!! I'm white for nybar's sake!"
|
||
Waitress "But.. so what michal jackson"
|
||
Nybar "Shuttttt upppppppppp"
|
||
Waitress "You stars are all alike.."
|
||
Froboy "How so?"
|
||
Waitress "Your all a bunch of jerks.."
|
||
Nybar "How many other stars have you met..?"
|
||
Waitress "SHUT UP!"
|
||
Nybar <supressing a snicker>
|
||
Nybar "MUAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHASSAH!@$H@#%_@#)$!"
|
||
Waitress <slinks off>
|
||
<a big robot with buzz saws for hands.. and ears like a bunny.. breaks
|
||
through the windows>
|
||
Robot "I HAVE JOLTCOLA! COME TO DANGER PASS AT 9:00 TONIGHT IF YOU EVER
|
||
WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!"
|
||
<froboy and nybar> "GASP!"
|
||
|
||
REALLY worthless.. obsessive (stupid) junk (2 of 2)
|
||
- ----------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Froboy "Crap man.. what are we gonna do?"
|
||
Nybar "Umm.. go to danger pass?"
|
||
Froboy "It's OBVIOUSLY a trap!"
|
||
Nybar "Yeah.. well this is my `zine.. so we'll be fine.."
|
||
Froboy "What about that last thingie where merc almost killed us.."
|
||
Nybar "But we killed him"
|
||
Froboy "Bahhh humbug.. I STILL say we shoulda rolled him up in a
|
||
carpet and thrown him off a bridge."
|
||
Nybar "That doesn't work!"
|
||
Froboy "Yes it does!!"
|
||
Nybar "Well.. carpets are expensive.."
|
||
Froboy "Not that expensive.."
|
||
Nybar "Why don't we send our mechanical duplicates to danger pass?"
|
||
Froboy "We don't have mechanical duplicates!"
|
||
Nybar "This is a `zine man! We HAVE mechanical duplicates!!!"
|
||
Froboy "Waitasec.. danger pass?"
|
||
Nybar "Yeah... danger pass.. so?"
|
||
Froboy "No where around here called danger pass!"
|
||
Nybar "THIS IS A `ZINE!! DANGER PASS EXSISTS!"
|
||
Froboy "Just trying to add some consistancy."
|
||
Nybar "Oh.. then I guess it does exsist"
|
||
Robot <dummm deee dummmmm>
|
||
Froboy "Ok.. we send these `MECHANICAL DUPLICATES' to this `DANGER
|
||
PASS' which both DON'T EXSIST!!"
|
||
Robot "Oh forget it"
|
||
Froboy "Forget what?"
|
||
Nybar "CHICKENBUTT!"
|
||
jC <jumps out of robot>
|
||
jC "I was just kidding guys"
|
||
Nybar "Pretty lame ending"
|
||
jC "Yeah.. overused."
|
||
|
||
|
||
- woof -
|
||
|
||
|
||
The POUPEY Cafe-
|
||
|
||
Where the elete go to meet, greet, and eat our tasty `zine treats.
|
||
|
||
jC "Why do you say `elete' so much?"
|
||
Nybar "Cause everything in my life is"
|
||
jC "You're just saying that so the first time readers who don't know
|
||
much about you will think it's true"
|
||
Nybar "No.. I just say it for ego-satisfaction"
|
||
jC "Whats that?"
|
||
Nybar "I dunno"
|
||
Froboy "Nice string of rhymes in that slogan"
|
||
Nybar "Thanks"
|
||
jC "Hey.. what does this has to do with the toilet?"
|
||
Nybar "Well.. we are having this conversation in the poupey cafe..
|
||
so it's like.. a family place."
|
||
jC "Like cheers"
|
||
Nybar "Yeah"
|
||
Froboy "Yeah.. the families bring in the bucks"
|
||
Nybar "The food here tastes like poop!"
|
||
Froboy "So does the coffee!!"
|
||
|
||
Yes.. The POUPEY Cafe.. the food.. tastes like poop.
|
||
(and now back to something that could.. in the realm of probability..
|
||
not be worse than this)
|
||
|
||
____________________________
|
||
Why ducks.. cats and cows?!
|
||
___------------------______
|
||
|
||
Some people ask me stuff. STOPPPPP BOTHERINGG MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
|
||
YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!@$_@~#*$+@!$*@#+$)*@#+$*#@$!
|
||
Anyyyyyway.. did I cover that poupey thing up.. we pronounce
|
||
it like poopy.. but call it whatever you want *frenchie*.
|
||
Couldn't think of an acrynom for two o's. So there. Anyway..
|
||
this issue is convienant to clear alot of stuff in. So.. some
|
||
people ask me `How did you come up with the name.. nybar'
|
||
well the answer is I dunno.. it just sounded good. Anyywayy..
|
||
other people ask why I worship cats.. ducks and cows. Well..
|
||
quacks are (FUNKY) elete. They waddle and eat bread and go
|
||
QUACKKKKKKKKK! If you are ever my neighbor.. you may see me
|
||
throwing a loaf of bread out the window at night. Feeding the
|
||
ducks. Cats are just alot like me. What can I say.. I'm elete..
|
||
they're elete.. I take short naps during the day instead of
|
||
sleeping.. they do that to.. when I drink.. I like to lick it up
|
||
real fast. And all that doody crap. Cows.. well they say moooooooo
|
||
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
|
||
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
|
||
And thats a perfectly good reason. Theres also the thing that
|
||
they are the power source of my (elete!) god nybar. Hail nybar!
|
||
|
||
**************************************************************************
|
||
A common happening (1 of 2)
|
||
**************************************************************************
|
||
|
||
Nybar "So who do you phear?"
|
||
Zinester "I PHEAR MOGEL!"
|
||
Zinester2 "PHEAR MOGEL! AND DTO!!!"
|
||
Nybar "I make fun of BOTH of them allllll the time.. well.. I made
|
||
a point of making fun of as many people as possible in the
|
||
first 10 stories of this."
|
||
Zinester "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
|
||
Zinester2 "IT CAN'T BE!!"
|
||
Nybar "And the sad thing is.. you two are still dorks."
|
||
Zinester "Awww.. teach me to be eleet"
|
||
Zinester2 "Yeah.. what he said!"
|
||
Nybar "Welllllllllllllll.. ok!"
|
||
Zinester "Why are you helping us though?"
|
||
Nybar "Cause I was bored.."
|
||
Zinester2 "Oh ok"
|
||
Nybar "Ok.. first off.. who do you two phear and worship right now?"
|
||
Zinester "Ahh.. mogel.. phorce.. creed.. merc"
|
||
Nybar "Write really disrespectful stories about them! Well.. beyond
|
||
disrespectful! Be jerks!"
|
||
Zinester "But we don't WRITE"
|
||
Nybar "So your just those dorks who hang on `zine dOOds?!"
|
||
Zinester2 "Uhh.. well.. in a word.."
|
||
Zinester "Yes"
|
||
<nybar annhiliates both `zinester and his brother `zinester2>
|
||
|
||
-----------------------
|
||
A Common Happening (#2)
|
||
-----------------------
|
||
|
||
Zinester3 "Youuuuu killeeedddd myyyyy broooothhhheeerrrssss!!!"
|
||
Zinester4 "I'll kill you!"
|
||
Nybar "Do you need some kinda special passport.. for that EGO TRIP
|
||
your taking?!!"
|
||
Zinester4 "Grrr"
|
||
<nybar obliterates both zinester3 and zinester4>
|
||
Dirtyrat "You lookin at me? Are YOU lookin at ME!?! No one else here!!"
|
||
Nybar "What? What?"
|
||
...
|
||
And then I fell into a parralel world much different from our own. With
|
||
a bunch of purple, walking talking stick figures.. with squiggly
|
||
purple (or for the funksters.. red) Hair.
|
||
|
||
Stick "Hi nybar"
|
||
Stick2 "In this world.. you rule the `zine scene!"
|
||
Nybar "rad"
|
||
..
|
||
so they took me away in my King `ZINE Chair.. and I made sure they had
|
||
plenty of poop.
|
||
|
||
And then I woke up
|
||
|
||
-----------------------------------------------------
|
||
YES!!#$@$ I DID IT MAN#@!$@#$!!
|
||
*****************************************************
|
||
|
||
Nybar "YEAH~#!@!! 50 STORIES! ONE ISSUE!!@#"
|
||
OVER 5 MINI-SERISES! ALL TOGETHER IN ONE ISSUE!! WHERES
|
||
THE SUSPENSE?!?!@ MUAHAHAHAHAH@Q$_@1$#+!(1!!!
|
||
OF COURSE I WROTE THIS BEFORE I WROTE POUPEY 9!!
|
||
SO JC SAID THAT IN 1-3 THE ZIPS SUCKED! SO NOW.. IF YOU HAVE
|
||
A ZIP.. BOOTLEG! I HAVE BOOTLEG POUPEY!!@$# (or maybe he just didn't
|
||
want you to see his really crappy ansi.. it really.. sucked)
|
||
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I FINISHED!! TIME TO TAKE A BREAK!#%@#$!!
|
||
YEAH! GOLD HAWK ROAD CAFE HERE I COME!@$!_+@#$@!1
|
||
jOltCola "WHAT?! NO FUCKIN BREAKS! POUPEY09! AND THEN WRITE POUPEY
|
||
ELEVEN! YOU'D THINK I DID ALL THE WORK!
|
||
Nybar <comes close to punching joltcola>
|
||
----------------------------------------------------------------
|