93 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
93 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
Õ021ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ021¸
|
||
³ The Phone Losers Of America Present ³
|
||
³ The Official Job Application To Join The PLA ³
|
||
ÆÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͵
|
||
³ Written On February 19, 1995 Last Revision on March 28, 1995 ³
|
||
Ô021ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ021¾
|
||
|
||
So...you want to be a PLA member? Well, here's your chance to finally make a
|
||
dream come true. Complete the following application, send it in and you're on
|
||
your way to fame, fortune and police raids.
|
||
|
||
Initiation:
|
||
----------
|
||
First of all, you have to prove that you're PLA material. You must complete
|
||
the following stunts and have proof that you've actually done these things.
|
||
Proof can be photographs, copies of police reports, video tapes of nightly
|
||
news documenting your stunt(s) and/or newpaper clippings.
|
||
|
||
1. Kidnap and sexually assault at least twelve employees of Bell, AT&T or GTE.
|
||
2. Construct a working pay phone key and clean out all pay phones in the city
|
||
and mail all of the money to me.
|
||
3. Get a hand written note from Kevin Mitnick telling you to leave him the
|
||
hell alone. (...)
|
||
4. Must harrass a voicemail company and their customers to the point of putting
|
||
them totally out of business.
|
||
5. Find a telco box, paint it red, piss on it and take a picture of it.
|
||
|
||
PLA Characteristics:
|
||
-------------------
|
||
Members of the PLA must have certain characteristics and must be able to do
|
||
certain things that make them a true Phone Loser. If you're missing one or
|
||
more of the following traits, please don't pursue this application any further
|
||
and come back when you're worthy.
|
||
|
||
1. You must be able to make a phone ring with the wave of your hand.
|
||
2. You have to have codes flying out of your ass backwards.
|
||
3. If phone company security ever decides to investigate you, you have to make
|
||
them wish they had never started by ruining their life.
|
||
4. You must be able to hassal Chris Tomkinson in your sleep.
|
||
5. Checks from the AT&T Refund Center in Jacksonville, Florida should be
|
||
arriving at your house by the crateloads.
|
||
6. On an average day, you spend at least two hours cooped up in a phone booth,
|
||
dialing random numbers around the world, harrassing people for fun.
|
||
7. You must be able to construct a red box blindfolded and with your hands
|
||
tied behind your back.
|
||
8. Have the entire script to the movie "Wargames" memorized. (Who doesn't??)
|
||
|
||
Test:
|
||
----
|
||
Finally, here's the Phone Loser test. Answer all questions to the best of your
|
||
knowledge, fully and honestly, without help from your parents.
|
||
|
||
1. A Bell employee is in your house installing a phone. List three ways that
|
||
you can distract him so you can snag his tool belt.
|
||
A:______________________________________________________________________
|
||
B:______________________________________________________________________
|
||
C:______________________________________________________________________
|
||
|
||
2. You're on the phone with an operator. What are three proven ways to make
|
||
her cry and/or quit her job?
|
||
A:______________________________________________________________________
|
||
B:______________________________________________________________________
|
||
C:______________________________________________________________________
|
||
|
||
3. Write a brief description of what the word "cactus" means to you.
|
||
________________________________________________________________________
|
||
________________________________________________________________________
|
||
________________________________________________________________________
|
||
________________________________________________________________________
|
||
|
||
4. Jim Bayless from Ameritech Corporate Security calls you at home and tells
|
||
you that he's finally caught you and that you're in the hot seat now. What
|
||
do you do?
|
||
A: Start bawling and admit everything.
|
||
B: Pull up his file on your computer and start reciting all of his personal
|
||
information just to shut him up.
|
||
C: Order a calling card to his home.
|
||
|
||
Okay, so that's it. You've completed the PLA job application. If you've
|
||
answered all the test questions and you feel that you meet the criteria, mail
|
||
this application to your local police department and they will forward it to
|
||
us. Be sure to include your name, address and phone number so we'll be able to
|
||
get back with you. (And run a credit check on you and order you a calling card.)
|
||
Thanks for your time!
|
||
|
||
ÕÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍContactÍTheÍPhoneÍLosersÍOfÍAmericaÍNearestÍYou!ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͸
|
||
³ 512-370-4680 PLA Voice Mailbox And PLEASE Don't Pay ³
|
||
³ 512-851-8317 Sonic Youth Systems For Your Fone Calls! ³
|
||
³ 512-883-7543 PLA WHQ Texas Line ³
|
||
³ 618-797-2339 PLA WHQ Illinois Line ³
|
||
ÔÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;
|
||
|