418 lines
18 KiB
Plaintext
418 lines
18 KiB
Plaintext
From interaccess!swiss.ans.net!howland.reston.ans.net!agate!soda.CSUA.Berkeley.EDU!remailer Tue Jan 3 23:03:25 1995
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Path: interaccess!swiss.ans.net!howland.reston.ans.net!agate!soda.CSUA.Berkeley.EDU!remailer
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From: Tommy the Tourist (Anon User) <nobody@csua.berkeley.edu>
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Newsgroups: alt.net.scandal,alt.zines,alt.journalism,alt.insults.gangbang,ont.general,can.general,alt.usenet.kooks,alt.activism,alt.2600,alt.news-media,tor.general
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Subject: NET.VANDAL Vol 1 Num 3
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Date: 3 Jan 1995 06:25:18 GMT
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Organization: none
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Lines: 401
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Distribution: world
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Message-ID: <3eaqke$gr0@agate.berkeley.edu>
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NNTP-Posting-Host: soda.csua.berkeley.edu
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Errors-To: nobody@soda.berkeley.edu
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Originator: remailer@soda.CSUA.Berkeley.EDU
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Xref: interaccess alt.net.scandal:39 alt.zines:7756 alt.journalism:10251 alt.insults.gangbang:79 alt.usenet.kooks:12773 alt.activism:75777 alt.2600:48371 alt.news-media:13185
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*VOL:1* NUMBER 3.000199, Jan. 2, 1995 ALL WRONGS DESERVED TORONTO
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NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VAND
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ET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDA
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T.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL
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VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL||
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NDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||NET.VANDAL|||N
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An exercise in irritainment and mathematical mind-blanking
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NET.VANDAL vol 1, number 3.000199
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Brought to you by: The Most Reverend Lucifer Messiah
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CONTENTS
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ontent
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nten
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..
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* F E A T U R E *
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Where Are We Going?
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- The Most Reverend Father continues bashing iNTEL
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* G O S S I P - R U M O U R - F E E D B A C K *
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- Work, Stealing a Byte,
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* C A B A L T R I C K S *
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- The iNTEL UnrePentium Story
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* S P O R T S *
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- Windows 3.1 Redefining Mathematics
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"We are Intel of Borg. Accuracy is irrelevant. Mathematics
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is irrelevant. Your division will be estimated"
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* F E A T U R E *
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Where Are We Going?
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- The Most Reverend Father continues bashing iNTEL
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In the last issue, I wrote an article entitled 'Where have we been?'. This
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time around, I thought I would look a little into the future, and ponder
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what it has to offer. At this point, we need not look too far ahead. The
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answer is staring at us right in the face.
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In light of iNTEL's most recent misfortune, looking at the future of home
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based computing has become a very easy task indeed. In case you haven't
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heard, (and if not, where have you been?), the IDIV function, responsible
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for dividing floating point numbers, in the Pentium processor is bugged,
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and known to give faulty results.
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Nobody actually noticed that there was a problem, until some poor hapless
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soul posted the following message on a small local BBS in Dildo,
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Newfoundland:
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---
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Hello,
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Could anyone help?
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I upgraded my motherboard yesterday from a 486DX4 to a pentium, but now
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I am not longer able to start WinWord. It terminates exectution with
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the message "wrong Windows version: 3.095"
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Any suggestions?
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---
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Okay, maybe that isn't the way it all started. No matter. Somebody screwed
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up, and nobody is willing to take the blame.
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What is this with iNTEL? My last article dealt with how long they have
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taken to reach standards already reached some years back, and now we see
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that when they try to invent their own standards, everything runs amuck!
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When news of this bug got around, iNTEL offered (under extreme pressure, we
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can be assured) to replace the chips. Arguing that this bug is so minor
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that the average user wouldn't see its effects, that only one in 27 billion
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or so divisions will produce incorrect results (an arguable estimate, BTW,
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since it was worked out on the above said Pentium chip), iNTEL would replace
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your Pentium chip _if_ you could prove that you truly needed it. Maybe the
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iNTEL developers should only recieve their pay if they can prove that they
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really need it. This has apparently changed, yet again, and iNTEL will
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replace the chip no questions asked (using a $2000 credit card bond, and
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a very difficult process to bear, but that is another subject unto its
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own)
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To add more dry wood to the fire, it appears that iNTEL has known about this
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bug since the summer. In what was probably a move to save face, iNTEL chose
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to hide the problem, and then when confronted by it, low-played its
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severity. At the very least, their extreme reluctance to replace the
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defective chips is a sign of the quality of service we can come to expect
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from iNTEL in years to come.
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Many people think the hubbub isn't worth raising sweat over. Lets make a
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parallel to the story. Say Toyota releases a car, in which they find that
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once in every 27 billion revolutions of the axel, the wheels just might fall
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off. What would the public reaction be if Toyota decided to hide the
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problem, and then upon its exposure, show similar reluctance in replacing
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the defective parts? What if the axel was replaced only if you prove that
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you will reach that 27 billionth revolution at some date in the near future?
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Or that you actually _do_ need 4 wheels to drive on, in lieu of the fact
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that motorcycles only require 2 of them. Chances are, Toyota would have
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quite a problem on their hands. The buying public wouldn't stand for such
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sloppiness and such obstinance. Toyota would be forced out of business.
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But this would never happen. In the auto industry, recalls or replacements
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have always been immediate. None of this hiding behind shadows, hoping that
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the wheels will hold on for enough years that customers never find out what
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the industry was keeping from them.
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It is, of course, quite interesting to see exactly how severe this problem
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is. For this bug has been so lowplayed that it will reportedly affect a
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system only one out of so many billion potential passes. Taking this into
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account, it should also be an equally complex matter to reproduce the
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problem. The mathematical equations would have to be great.
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Apparently not.
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Pentium users, try dividing 5505001 by 294911. Your trusty dusty Pentium
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will tell you that the answer to this simple division is 18.66600093. The
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real answer? How does 18.66665197 sound? That wasn't so hard afterall.
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And worse, several other similar equations, each very simple, have been
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developed which give incorrect results. If it is this easy to trip off,
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then why does iNTEL deny it so?
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The real problem was not with the bug itself. It was with iNTEL's refusal
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to respond to it in a professional manner, or even with some form of
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business ethics. In this day and age, where technology is outracing our
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capacity to keep it all together, are we losing touch of values that we once
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held onto with all our might?
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One parting shot. I am easily reminded of the most recent Star Trek movie,
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Generations, where Data is completely frazzled by the same emotion chip that
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had previously led to his own brother's demise. Do you think, could it be
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that the chip was a Pentium-based processor?
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* G O S S I P - R U M O U R - F E E D B A C K *
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Many apologies go to the numerous people who wrote in wondering where the
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hell NET.VANDAL had disappeared to. I went through a busy period at work,
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and had to put my time to other use. Things are back to normal now, and
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that's only so far as normal gets in a mag like this, and so here we are
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with a shiny new edition of NET.VANDAL.
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Let's see, what happened while we waited for this issue...
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Landon Dyer played the dating game, telling me that he has Byte magazine #2,
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and had #1 before it was stolen. (I doubt it will be found on the "Back
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Issues" page!). Landon says that the 32032-based computer in the
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advertisement I ranted about in NET.VANDAL vol 1 issue 2 ran like a pig,
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albeit, elegantly. I'm not sure how an elegant pig runs, but I'm sure it
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would be interesting to watch.
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The lack of segmented memory was part of that elegance, to which I firmly
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agree.
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Another reader, who wished to remain anonymous (how goofy), asked me to put
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together an issue about cryptography. I've begun compiling information for
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just such an issue. If anyone is interested in contributing, please send me
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mail at lucifer@csis.pcscav.com. Good information on this topic is rather
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hard to come by, so any submissions will be greatly appreciated.
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That's about it. It's a new year now, and lord knows there will be all
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kinds of new NET.VANDAL type material invading our homes.
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(See, in refusing to take the glaring opportunity, I have avoided printing
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out yet another blank, unemotional wish for a happy new year, or even a
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belated Happy Ho Ho.)
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Chao, kids.
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* C A B A L T R I C K S *
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- The iNTEL UnrePentium Story
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Keeping in the spirit of things, I compiled a few of the better Pentium
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jokes, and other interesting responses, found on the net lately. Remember,
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To Err is human. To really fuck it up, you need a Pentium. Enjoy!
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Q) How many pentium designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
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A) 1.9999999943424 but iNTEL says that's close enough.
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Q) Why did they name the 586 'Pentium'?
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A) Because when they added 100 to 486, they came out with 586.465798654.
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Q) Why did the Pentium cross the road?
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A1) It was trying to stay on the sidewalk.
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A2) Because someone threw it.
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Q) Anyone heard about the rename of the RU486 abortion pill?
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A) They'll rename it RU-Pentium since it prevents cell division to occur
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correctly. Still under development at this time, the pill is not
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reliable, causing spontaneous abortions only once in 27 billion
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attempts. The company, however, feels it is good enough to sell to
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anti-abortion groups and third world nations who have less need
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for accuracy.
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Q) What's the difference between an intel salesman and a used car salesman?
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A1) A used car salesman KNOWS when he's lying.
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A2) It's easier to tell when a car salesman is lying.
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I'd be interested in knowing how this affects the average nuclear family.
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What was that? 2.200011 children, or somewhere thereabouts? Close enough.
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Coco Pentium machine Winner
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------------------- --------------- ------------
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Accurate division Who knows? Coco
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Doesn't run Windows Runs Windows Coco
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Costs $10 Costs $2500 Coco
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CPU can't ... CPU can be used as coffee mug warmer Pentium
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The good news is that pi, now becoming an integer, will be easier
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to work with. The bad news is that now we'll have to watch Beverly
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Hills 90209.9878733469...
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One group calculated that Pentium errors should occur every 27 years.
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Funny, I got every 26.999999789 years.
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iNTEL's new logo: United we stand, Divided we fail.
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Some TV shows that have sprung up in response to the Pentium fiasco:
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- My 3.0154 Sons
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- Beverly Hills 90210.999534
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- Babylon 5.000000016
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- Deep Space 8.7
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- 3.076's Company
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- Death of the Net, .GIF at 10:58:02
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- Thirty.000458-Something
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- Hawaii 50.2
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- Rocky 7.1
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TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------
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9.9999973251 It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
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8.9999163362 It's Close Enough, We Say So
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7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
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6.9999831538 You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
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5.9999835137 Redefining the PC -- and Mathematics As Well
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4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really
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3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful
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2.9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point?
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1.9999103517 We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws
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0.9999999998 The Errata Inside
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* S P O R T S *
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- Windows 3.1 Redefining Mathematics
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Sure, the Pentium may be bad, but there is another candidate for the
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Mathematical Stupidity Prize: Windows Calculator.
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It took a lot of work for Microsoft to make Windows something that people
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would consider worth buying. I still remember all the hooplah regarding the
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Windows "look", and how it infringed on Macintosh copyrights. It took until
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version 3 before anyone would even look at it as a worthy computing
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environment.
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Now, after some years of people using this "environment" (I'm trying really
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hard to avoid calling it an operating system), it has now become an office
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staple. There probably isn't a modern office setting in North America that
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doesn't have at least one Windows based PC.
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But it, like the Pentium processor, is completely inane (or is that insane?)
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when it comes to doing simple mathematics.
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I came across this 2 years ago, when I used the Windows Calculator to
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decrypt a text string in the 'Natas' computer virus (Written by NuKe). The
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algorithm was simple. Each letter in the message was XOR'ed by 1. After
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going through each character one at a time, and noticing that the result was
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a completely incoherant jumble of letters and characters, I did the math by
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hand. Oddly, done by hand produced results that could be understood.
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Windows Calculator had correctly decrypted some of the letters, but not
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others. The ratio of hits and misses was really sad. Needless to say, I
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was quite glad my own system wasn't running MS-anything!
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I called Microsoft, and they told me there was no such bug with Windows
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Calculator, and that I must have been doing something wrong myself. I can
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easily understand how a person who can do binary arithmetic by hand might not
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have it in them to operate a calculator properly. Gee, thanks guys.
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But that's not all. Binary arithmetic is one thing, but Windows Calculator
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has been proven so useless that it can't even subtract properly!
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Ironically, this bug also produces floating point errors, but much more
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severe than with the Pentium IDIV problem.
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We all know that 0.11 - 0.10 equals 0.01. We know this, because even
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Windows Calculator will tell us that. Thank god, or at least Bill Gates,
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for that.
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But we also know that 1.11 - 1.10 also equals 0.01. We can even verify this
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with Windows Calculator, can't we? Err, no, we can't. Windows Calculator
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reports that it equals 0! Even weirder, if you multiply that 0 by 100, you
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will get 1! This also works with 2.11, 3.11, etc.
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Now let's add another decimal place to this game. Good old MicroSoft tells
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us that 3.111 - 3.110 equals 0.00099999999999. I must have looked like
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quite an idiot for all these years I thought it equalled 0.001.
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But everything gets even stranger and stranger as you play around with the
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decimal points. Adding yet another decimal point, and changing the pattern
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a little, lets do 3.0001 - 3.00. Anybody with higher than a grade 4
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mathematics will tell you that the answer is 0.0001. Not Windows
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Calculator. The answer it spews back at you is 0.0001000000000002.
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And to top it all off, the errors in Windows Calculator seem to be rather
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inconsistant. Why can it subtract 0.10 from 0.11, but it can't subtract
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1.10 from 1.11?
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I find it very distressing that in a world of inferior PC's invading the
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market, we allow ourselves to be sold such inferior software as well.
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END ISSUE ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Addendum:
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The reason so many Bible students allow themselves to become deceived is
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that they study the word of God, and not the works of God.
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Personal mail to:
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lucifer@csis.pcscav.com
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all wrongs deserved, granted "post-everywhere" status by the teenage buddha.
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<<<<<<<<<<===NET.VANDAL===>>>>>>>>>>
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will appear whenever I get to it
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(good forgeries are welcomed)
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How do I JOIN NET.VANDAL?
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************************
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Join the list at any time by sending a "SUBSCRIBE NET.VANDAL"
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command in the body of a message to net.vandal-request@hack.pcscav.com
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How do I LEAVE NET.VANDAL?
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*************************
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Leave the list at any time by sending an "UNSUBSCRIBE NET.VANDAL"
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command in the body of a message to net.vandal-request@hack.pcscav.com
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How do I SUBMIT INFO to NET.VANDAL?
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**********************************
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Send your articles addressed to net.vandal@hack.pcscav.com
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<<<<<<<<<<===NET.VANDAL===>>>>>>>>>>
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--
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The Most Reverend Father Lucifer Messiah
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"If you act like a dumbshit, Subscribe to NET.VANDAL
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they'll treat you as an equal" Send "SUBSCRIBE" to:
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- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs net.vandal-request@hack.pcscav.com
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Patty scored us 40 pounds of dynamite on Sunday. If they give us an
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openning then we'll blow them all to hell.
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--------
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For more information about this anonymous posting service,please send mail
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to remailer@csua.berkeley.edu with Subject: remailer-info.
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This message contains automatically generated keyword blocks
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that have been designed to resemble a threat. These blocks
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are not a statement of intent by the remailer operator or anyone else.
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--------
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To respond to the sender of this message, send mail to
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remailer@soda.berkeley.edu, starting your message with
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the following 7 lines:
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::
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Response-Key: the-clipper-key
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====Encrypted-Sender-Begin====
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MI@```%5^&2?(E<U9BPG1]W7L'=>KH_Q;E8W+E;IXU=*:[SXO!SD7]U">92TN
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M3>54U<KKEMBX-07*OV(U$:9XCY5Z!S#0;CG=H,:]3C9%7IVL2Z:66&N![JH"
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====Encrypted-Sender-End====
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