163 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
163 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
=== GOZER (issue #1)===
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Welcome to the first issue of GOZER! This was written at Murmur's bachelor
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pad, while listening to 80's music and drinking bad citrus colas.
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::CAST::
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Ray Stanz = Editor in Chief
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Quarex = Poetry Chef
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Evo Shandor = Gums Dingy/Back-Up Vocals
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shadow tao = head lover, not a fighter, not a knocker out.
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parfoums d'amorphis = the stinky one! the stinky one! the stinky one!
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---
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The Big Cat Who Bites Babies
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by Ray Stanz
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The big cat bites babies who come near it. One day a baby was sitting in its
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carriage sucking on its thumb and the big cat came flying by on a magic
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carpet and bit the baby's nose off. So the National Association of Mothers
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decided to form a brigade to kill the big cat. They called the local
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inventor who lived in a cottage at on the outskirts of town.
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"Hello, Mr. Witherspoon, would you like to build a machine that will help us
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kill (or possibly sedate) the big cat that keeps biting the noses off of our
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babies?" asked Mrs. Smith, a concerned mother.
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"Why, certainly! Building weapons is a hobby of mine. And I do despise of
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cats. In fact, I used to own a cat, but my dog Henry ate him," he replied.
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So Mr. Witherspoon got right to work building the machine to destroy the big
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cat who rode around town on a flying carpet.
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Meanwhile, the big cat was sitting in his large watchtower and spotted some
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unruly weather. He noticed that a tornado was approaching, so he hopped on
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his magic carpet and fled.
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Unfortunately the tornado destroyed the town (including Mr. Witherspoon's
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secret laboratory). The big cat went on to terrorize other small villages.
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---
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This is.. Poetry Tap
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from Quarex, your friendly neighborhood Sansboro Fang-head
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POEM #1
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An Ode to A Female Remote Control
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Is this thing on?
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POEM #2
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Another ode to nothing in particular
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Join me, she said,
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And we joined the army
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Kill me, she said
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and we did away with her
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Thrill me, she said
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and so we danced the night away with the rest of the people who witnessed
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the supernatural events
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Destroy me, she said
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So we made another Grill side-project in our spare time
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Kiss me, she said
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It's that it keeps changing. Unfortunately Filth Pig proves that this is
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not always good. So I kissed her. And we hated each other, but that was
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okay, because. . LIKE Filth Pig, the more we did it, the more we liked it.
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---
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Cold Fusion and other Factions of the Hollywood Love Pump
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an Essay about nothing and everything
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By Evo Shandor
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Somedays, apon waking, I sit in my filth covered bed, listening to
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Lite Rock 103 FM, rubbing my own sordid defication on my chest, eating bowls
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and bowls of Campbell's Manhattan Clam Chowder, which I always think will be
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the white kind before I make it, licking my scabs, which never really heal
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because I lick them so much, and I start to think. At first, I don't think
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about anything in particular. Mainly I think about colors and numbers, and
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how, if they were real, they probably would either marry each other or team
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up to destroy the letters. Then my thoughts turn to other things. Women.
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Women. They're different from men, as you may have noticed. They
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smell better, have higher voices, and vomit more. Other than that, they
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don't do much. So I then begin to think about killing women. Killing women
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is a major passtime in many scandanavian countries. That's why I think
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people should kill women more often. Theres a certain alluring quality to
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annihilating the opposite sex that I cannot explain, yet I feel profusely
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apon hovering over the rotting carcass of a female member of the human race.
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If we kill all the women, then the world will be a better place. Thank
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you, and goodnight.
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---
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A poem
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Giggle
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By Evo Shandor
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On my computer...
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Which sits in my basement
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(1.2 gigs of nothing but crap)
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there is a game
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with the second worse 3d engine ever...
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(second only to Sphere of Destiny)
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And it sits there
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And I play it
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with 1.2 gigs of hard drive space that my family doesn't need
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And 16 megs of ram that I don't know what's good for
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and a 122 mgz pentium that is just as good as 100
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and i play it
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(I can't find a pirated copy of hexen)
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I play rott and cry
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It is so bad
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It is all I have
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In all areas of my life
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family, friends, computer games
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Rise of the Triad is all I have
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My saved game is named "giggle"
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--^^ cryptic toggle of satan.
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tao v-gozer = travel numerant.
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"Whilst the monkey's flying ship,
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dances round my brain,
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little children hurting KOrn.
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through the fields of gold."
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-Ronald "Boom = pee" Reagan/Sting
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WHERE ARE YOU THINKING FROM?
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I LOVE INDENTATION, CUZ IT'S UMMY NUMMY GOOD.
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I AM THE ZINE HARDKORE. I AM YOUR OLDSKOOL.
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DIE, FOR I AM ANGST INCARNATE.
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AND I HAVE BAD SPELLING FOR COMFORT.
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baha.
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never mind that.
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cryptic little words, from a bound up little soul.
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---
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parfoums d'amorphis presents
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no more jeers
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"hey fruity!"
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"what?"
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"you're full of dog poo!"
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"YOU LITTLE MUSHROOM MOTHER."
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"hey, boys, no more jeers."
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"you die next, miss schoolteacher sandanista@"
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"excuse me, i have rubbermaid!"
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"take that, fresca boy!"
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"up your miscellaneous refreshment hole, son."
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"oh. got me."
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---
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parfoums d'amorphis presents
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well, nothing else, since that was so awful
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---
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