621 lines
31 KiB
Plaintext
621 lines
31 KiB
Plaintext
00000
|
|
0 0
|
|
0 0 %%%%%%%
|
|
0 0 % | [] []
|
|
000000 ___ % | [][] [][]
|
|
0 0 | \ %%%%% ___| ()()() [] [] []
|
|
0 0 OOO |____\ % / | () () [] []
|
|
0 0 O O | \ % | | () () [] []
|
|
0000000 OOO | \ %%%%%%%%% \___| ()()() [] []
|
|
|
|
|
|
111111111 B O R E D O M
|
|
1
|
|
1 I N C A R N A T E
|
|
1
|
|
1 <|\ <|
|
|
1 <|<\ <| ___ + + @@@@@ ------- eeee
|
|
1 <| <\ <| kkkkk ) \ ++ + @ @ | e
|
|
1 <| <\ <| k /\ )___\ + + + @ @ | eeee
|
|
1 <| <\<| k /__\ ) \ + ++ @ @ | e
|
|
111111111 <| <\| kkkkkk / \ ) \ + + @@@@@ @ | eeeee
|
|
|
|
|
|
(I know the ascii art sux
|
|
and if you can come up
|
|
with something better
|
|
than prove it!)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
|
|
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
|
|
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
|
|
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
EDITORIAL SMEDITORIAL...
|
|
The Core of the Bore Speaks:
|
|
|
|
Welp, this is the first jump off of a cliff for this zine.
|
|
Hopefully we won't go splat and have to pick ourselves up as a bag of
|
|
cartoon jelly. You've been picked out of the many who are on the Netbore
|
|
to get a copy of BOREDOM INCARNATE (or destiny has so ordained that a copy
|
|
come into your possession and someone is doing their job to pass it on).
|
|
We just picked out a bunch of addresses and sent it out. If you want a
|
|
regular subscription (or would at least like the next ish) just read the
|
|
'disclaimer & etc.' at the end. Otherwise i won't send you the next ish
|
|
cause I don't want to use more than my share of the bandwidth more than once.
|
|
If you like this (or even if you hate it for that matter) send it on to
|
|
someone who might equally like, hate, or better yet be indifferent towards
|
|
this zine.
|
|
That administrivia aside let me tell you about my indifferent
|
|
vision of what BOREDOM INCARNATE is. This is the zine for all the bored
|
|
masses who joyfully languor in their ennui. We allow for a the segments
|
|
of the world containing bland prose and stilted metaphors. (In fact we're
|
|
so bored we actually put this schtuff together.) We want to be the voice
|
|
of the bored--those who have found that the initial excitement of an first
|
|
experience only leads to a later boredom in this modern world where any
|
|
experience can be bought at a mini-mall or vending machine whether in
|
|
reality or virtuality. The world is boring, we are the kings and queens
|
|
of bore, and this is the Boredom we rule! We are human humdrums, monotony
|
|
made flesh--we are BOREDOM INCARNATE!
|
|
@whew! That took a lot out of me. Time for a nap filled with
|
|
dreams of Magic Shell. Enjoy.
|
|
---jason 'rapidly more vapid' ronallo
|
|
<jnrst9+@pitt.edu>
|
|
|
|
|
|
(((((((O)))))))(((((((O)))))))(((((((O)))))))(((((((O)))))))(((((((O)))))))
|
|
O)))))))(((((((O)))))))(((((((O)))))))(((((((O)))))))(((((((O)))))))(((((((O
|
|
|
|
L I S T L E S S N E S S
|
|
|
|
(aka de contents...if you get too bored with one section you can use your
|
|
wordprocessor to search for (#.#> to quickly find the next section. We also
|
|
feel free to include hidden sections without making you aware of them in
|
|
this list...)
|
|
|
|
(1.1> Alternate names for this zine
|
|
|
|
(1.2> Conclusions You Can Come To When You're So Bored You Experiment On
|
|
Yourself: THE MED IS IN THE RED
|
|
|
|
(1.3> Bland Recipe #1: Stale Ramen (send us your fave tasteless recipies!)
|
|
|
|
(1.4> Bran Where Brians Should Be: Review of the movie _Brainscan_
|
|
|
|
(1.5> Plan File Surf --katst12@vms.cis.pitt.edu
|
|
(I get bored sometimes I randomly finger accounts of
|
|
people online. I found this plan to especially
|
|
propagate the dispirit of BOREDOM INCARNATE. If
|
|
you possess a plan file you believe to be
|
|
nifty-o-rooni, send us a copy of it or the address
|
|
so we can appropriate it for use here. And if
|
|
you've come across any interesting plan files in
|
|
your surfing give us the address so we can check
|
|
it out).
|
|
|
|
(1.6> *yawn* naptime story: THE BEEHIVE by Jason Ronallo.
|
|
I include this since I've seen a lot of bored people in coffee
|
|
shops. I've been one of them. (This storyette was inspired
|
|
by Orion Wertz, artist extraordinaire, upon one visit of his to
|
|
the Beehive coffee house of the Oakland district of Pittsburgh.
|
|
[You locals know it, but I need to fill in gaps for those who
|
|
might find this hidden in a virtual village in the hinterland
|
|
of the Netjungle]).
|
|
|
|
(1.7> "I'm So Bored I..." -- a regular featured column
|
|
|
|
(1.8> Disclaimer & Etc. (look here for info on subscriptions/ submissions).
|
|
|
|
|
|
0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0\/0
|
|
0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0
|
|
|
|
(1.1>
|
|
|
|
POSSIBLE ALTERNATE NAMES FOR THIS ZINE
|
|
|
|
1. Humdrum Hilights
|
|
2. Weekly World-Weary News
|
|
3. Uninteresting Unillustrated
|
|
4. Tedium Times
|
|
5. Doldrums Digest
|
|
6. Monotony Monthly
|
|
7. Ennui Quarterly
|
|
|
|
|
|
\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\
|
|
|
|
(1.2>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Science Section
|
|
|
|
OR
|
|
|
|
Conclusions You Can Come To When You're So Bored
|
|
You Experiment On Yourself:
|
|
|
|
|
|
THE MED IS IN THE RED
|
|
|
|
I came home the other night with a sore throat like I'd been sucking
|
|
on the exhaust pipe of bus for too long after drinking tacks. Usually when
|
|
i've got a dagger in my throat i drink some cough medicine or spray some
|
|
non-prescription liquid to the back of my mouth or suck on some menthol
|
|
nuclear radiation emanating waxy paper wrapped drop or bless myself with
|
|
a cherry Luden's candy. The Luden's candy is the only one that makes me
|
|
happy, though most say it's not a medication I think that it probably does
|
|
about as good as any of the others. I hate taking bad tasting named-
|
|
cherry-just-to-sucker-you-in cough medicines. My folx used to have sit on
|
|
me and hold my nose to make me take cough medicines. But now that I've
|
|
made the discovery of the year no kid will ever have to take hold-your-nose
|
|
medicines again or try to be healed by the dosage!! I've discovered the
|
|
mystery ingredient in these non-prescription drugs that actually turns the
|
|
trick.
|
|
Since my throat was sore I wanted something cool to drink to soothe
|
|
me so I could get some work done on a paper for a critical reading class
|
|
that I'm taking (but I'm sure you don't want to hear about the discourse of
|
|
treason in Shakespeare's _Tempest_ [though of course you might find it more
|
|
exciting than this:]). So anyways, I went to the fridge to snag me a
|
|
pre-cooled beverage rather than a wait-until-it-cools-ice-filled-glass-
|
|
and-then-at-the-end-the-ice-falls-and-hits-you-in-the-teeth-ouch! beverage.
|
|
And low and behold there was a fresh pitcher of red Kool-Aid. I poure
|
|
d myself a Kennywood amusement park sized plastic cup worth and gurgled
|
|
it down. To my amazement my sore throat went away--vanished like data
|
|
from a disk brought up to a magnet.
|
|
Now we all know that band-aids cover up boo-boo's, but I never knew
|
|
before that Kool-Aid covers up sore throats (and I conjecture other
|
|
ailments)!!!!!! My theory (it's no hypothesis anymore as I've now tried
|
|
the same experiment on my bro and it worked again with scientific
|
|
predictability) is that it's actually the red coloring which is the
|
|
healing agent in all throat logenzes and not the other drugs. Notice how
|
|
most of the Robitussins are of a red variety. Even the ones that aren't
|
|
red you can easily see how the coloring isn't a pure color and i conjecture
|
|
that what color lies behind the outer masking color is in fact a red. And
|
|
that's why Luden's cough drops can work without having any real medicine in
|
|
them AND tasting good at the same time!! You see how liquid cough
|
|
medicines are thick and cough drops are even denser. Both of these have
|
|
a higher amount of red in them. Just by drinking a large amount of cherry
|
|
Kool-Aid you can get the same healing affect of all these expensive
|
|
non-prescription 'drugs'.
|
|
Do you see the possible conspiracies that could be behind the hiding
|
|
of this knowledge (and consequently why this article is so poorly written as
|
|
i tremble in fright for my life)? Look at it this way: Who benefits by
|
|
having this knowledge hidden? The drug manufacturers, of course. And who
|
|
says what drugs are allowed to be sold as non-prescription? The FDA, of
|
|
course. Here's my hypothesis: The FDA gets kickbacks from the 'legal'
|
|
drug lords--the corporate conglomerates. All that the FDA has to do is
|
|
call the thing a 'drug' making it fall under its control, and since the
|
|
'drugs' are under its power it can stop them from being sold. The FDA
|
|
bribes the corporations which bow under the pressure of Big Bully Brother
|
|
and gives the FDA a cut of their business. The FDA okays these 'drugs'
|
|
and propagates that they have some sort of medication in them that actually
|
|
helps someone with a sore throat or cough. They put unknown wordage on the
|
|
labels so no ordinary citizen out of their control could decipher thereby
|
|
believing in the mystery 'drug' to help them. (try looking at the labels
|
|
sometime and tell me if you know what all that means...some of them even
|
|
only contain 'active ingredients'. What are they trying to hide?).
|
|
Anyways, what person that knows about all these drugs is really going to
|
|
spend their time studying the contents of a normal cough medicine for
|
|
_certainly_ they've been at it this long and must know what they are
|
|
talking about. In essence what they've pulled on us is the old placebo
|
|
trick. They make us think that there is some special healing 'drug' in
|
|
these 'medicines' when all there really is is some polluted and thick
|
|
Kool-Aid.
|
|
"Why can't Kool-Aid then blatantly sell their product as a healing
|
|
agent?" one may ask. Don't you get it! If Kool-Aid can sell its product
|
|
as a medicine then the multi-gazillion $$ drug companies lose their business
|
|
to a flavored drink manufacturer AND whole money scheme the FDA has
|
|
orchestrated falls through. If Kool-Aid would even try to blatantly
|
|
(I say 'blatantly' since 'aid' sounds suspiciously medicinal and is another
|
|
clue in the whole business. Anyways couldn't Kool-Aid itself be in on this
|
|
dastardly plot to hide the fact of affordable health care from the masses
|
|
in order to make a buck? I know if I would openly attack Kool-Aid I would
|
|
get a lot of flack from their auspicious and beloved and influential
|
|
followers [amongst them the secret order of the Kool-Aid Monks] but I just
|
|
throw this one question out: Could Kool-Aid actually have a drug in it that
|
|
is not only helpful to healing but also slightly addictive? This would
|
|
certainly confound and complicate the issues at hand. I mean they _are_
|
|
just a part of Kraft general foods, another big corporation [which has also
|
|
fooled the public with their fake cheeze, but that's the topic of another
|
|
expose'.) sell their drink as a healing agent the FDA would ban it or more
|
|
slyly not allow it to be sold as a 'drug' and laugh at the mere proposal
|
|
and the whole Public would laugh along with them, "Hardy har har! Kool-Aid
|
|
can cure the common cold! Ha ha ha--a drug now?!"
|
|
Well, laugh yourself if you will, but next time that you have a
|
|
sore throat why don't you try to drink some good tasting cherry Kool-Aid
|
|
instead of that expensive nasty tasting cough medicine (or some FD&C Red
|
|
no. 40 if you can find it sold separately)? Send me any results of your
|
|
self-experiments too, so that I can compile a report so the public can be
|
|
educated as to the healing power of Kool-Aid.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%
|
|
|
|
(1.3>
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bland Recipe #1: Stale Ramen
|
|
|
|
1. Take a long bus ride with the man telling weather jokes until you get
|
|
to any grocery store worth the amount of salt inside and it should
|
|
have Ramen (properly capitalized as it has now become an institution).
|
|
|
|
2. Walk up and down the isles and stare at all the singles looking for a
|
|
date, and make sure that you look at the ingredients labels of
|
|
Kool-Aid and cough medicines taking special note of Red no. 40.
|
|
|
|
3. If you feel especially dastardly and bored enough to do something
|
|
juvinile and prankish, take an enema or other such personal product
|
|
that is looked at with scorn/laughter and put it in a toys bin or
|
|
with the specialty cheeses.
|
|
|
|
4. Eventually you should find some Ramen in the little single serving
|
|
packets.
|
|
|
|
5. Close your eyes and spin around and when you're dizzy reach for the
|
|
first packet of Ramen that comes to your hand and buy that one even
|
|
if it's more expensive ($.50/packet) than the other brands ($1.00
|
|
for 10 packets) cause if you pick an expensive one you can always
|
|
say that it must be better than the cheaper ones and if you get a
|
|
cheaper pack then you can say that you are saving money by getting
|
|
that brand.
|
|
|
|
6. Go to the front of the store and and pay for it (I don't suggest
|
|
getting caught for stealing a pack of Ramen) while repeatedly telling
|
|
the cashier something like this (at least get it close if you can't
|
|
memorize it or else the recipe might not turn out right), "I'm going
|
|
to eat this. Yes, I am. I'm going to eat this up. Yes, I am. It's
|
|
going to be in my tummy. Yes, it is. I'm getting hungry. Yes, I
|
|
am...."
|
|
|
|
7. Make sure not to accept a bag from the bagger since you won't need
|
|
it for this recipe.
|
|
|
|
8. Go out through the motion sensitive doors (if the store has them).
|
|
|
|
9. Sit on a curb in the parking lot looking as if you are waiting for
|
|
someone. Those of you who took my advice and caught a bus might
|
|
want to just wait at the bus stop.
|
|
|
|
10. At this point you have a choice whether you like your Ramen chunky
|
|
style or of a finer consistency.
|
|
|
|
11a. If you like it chunky style, open the bag throwing the little
|
|
flavor packet at a passing Volvo or BMW (or highbrow car of your
|
|
choice).
|
|
|
|
11b. If you like it of a finer consistency, then place the bag on the
|
|
sidewalk and hit it repeatedly with your foot, hand, or smashing
|
|
object or body part of your choice. For best results make sure
|
|
to create a small hole at one end so that they bag doesn't explode
|
|
on impact scattering some of your Ramen all over the side walk for
|
|
any old bird or orally fixated kid to pick up and eat.
|
|
|
|
12. Enjoy eating your stale Ramen noticing the singular crispy and
|
|
tastelessness of the uncooked noodles. (If you chose chunky style,
|
|
then for an extra exciting puzzle try to get the individual noodles
|
|
apart from the main block without breaking them anymore.)
|
|
|
|
13. Take the bus home wishing that you had bought something to drink.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()
|
|
|
|
()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()0Oo.oO0()
|
|
|
|
(1.4>
|
|
|
|
BRAN WHERE BRAINS SHOULD BE:
|
|
|
|
REVIEW OF _BRAINSCAN_
|
|
|
|
|
|
My bro's really into the comic scene (he's actually one of the
|
|
dupes who thinks he'll be able to resell them someday for a profit
|
|
thereby reasoning his way to spending that much money on them), and the
|
|
comic shop that he frequents (like an alcoholic to the state store) mailed
|
|
him a free pass to the movie _Branscan_...or rather _Brainscan_...for an
|
|
advanced screening. He was allowed to take a guest so he decided that
|
|
since his older bro could give him a ride he'd take me. I thought, "Heck
|
|
a free movie. I'll go." And since I was bored and this would give me
|
|
something to do I went (without my bro since he 'had homework to do', but
|
|
i think that he was actually anticipating how <great> of a movie this
|
|
would be).
|
|
The little summary we got of the movie that was supposed to have
|
|
us interested in going to see it said that it had to do with a kid getting
|
|
sucked into a horror CDi. As with most of the cheaper 'Virtual Reality'
|
|
films which make it look like some dystopic landscape this one tries to
|
|
bring the dystopia right into a normal kid-next-door setting like the
|
|
Beaver gone bad, I knew i wouldn't like the movie as soon as i saw this
|
|
free pin that my bro got (again from the comic shop) (why's he get all the
|
|
free junk?). It had a <great> pun at the bottom: "Reality Bytes."
|
|
P-lease...gimme a break. (I would assume that such puns and also such
|
|
luser treatment of VR would come from the mainstream as you can even
|
|
notice the advertisement for WiReD *yawn* magazine on the coffee table).
|
|
Let's get onto the actual review before I get really angry that they would
|
|
even try to compare their sensory-deficient film with a movie that starred
|
|
Winona Rider! (BTW, Winona, if you're reading this through some fluke
|
|
transmission of these electrons through the space-time continuum, I just
|
|
want to tell you that you excite me like to other [well...other than
|
|
maybe Tori Amos and my ex-gf who kinda looked like you]).
|
|
The movie goes something like this aimless run-on sentence:
|
|
A high school kid who has everything in the way of the latest in hi-tech
|
|
goodies, amongst them a voice activated phone with servile voice, including
|
|
the lack of a parent figure (what high school kid wouldn't want that) since
|
|
the father seems to be perpetually on business has the house to himself so
|
|
he's able to blast his music on a stereo system that shouldn't be possessed
|
|
by someone who plays his choice of musack yet he still prefers to walk up
|
|
flights of stairs to the attic where his room is dispite the fact that he
|
|
walks with an often unconvincing limp that he sustained while in a
|
|
terrible car crash with his mother who died and after this time he seems
|
|
to develop this twisted liking for cheezy hack-n-slash movies so much that
|
|
he even starts a club in his high school (but for a movie hi-liting some kid
|
|
into 'gore' the proverbial blood and proverbial guts were tame and laughable
|
|
and for someone who hates movies with laughable pets in it the scenes where
|
|
the dog has a foot in his mouth were the best part) which brings this
|
|
sentence to the point where we can refer to the loose subplot of this kid
|
|
liking the girl next door and even spies on her with his hi-tech binaculars
|
|
(because he doesn't get any loving any other way unless you notice the one
|
|
scene which if you look closely you can see his teledildonics set-up which
|
|
he is evidentally hiding from his absent father) but none of this is the
|
|
real story of the movie since he finds out through _Fangora_ about a new
|
|
CD interactive game named Brainscan which is supposed to be the latest in
|
|
virtual murder, but then to shorten up this sentence considerably and not
|
|
to ruin *cough* the movie for you when you rent it in a few months for a
|
|
$.99 special he gets sucked in and doesn't merely -virtually- commit
|
|
murder but actually does, but oh you know it can't be that easy and there
|
|
is a double trick ending which had me pshawing at how riduculous and
|
|
predictable it was.
|
|
On a scale of 1-5.5 diamonds, i'd give it 1.5: <> <
|
|
|
|
|
|
<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>
|
|
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->
|
|
|
|
|
|
(1.5>
|
|
|
|
P L A N F I L E S U R F
|
|
|
|
Here's a sampling of appropriated text from the plan file of
|
|
katst12@vms.cis.pitt.edu.
|
|
Thanx for letting us pillage your plan, Hayley!
|
|
|
|
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - C U T H E R E - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
|
|
Once there once was a boy, who was mostly happy most of the
|
|
time. His life was almost completly complete. He knew, however,
|
|
that there were two things that were missing from his life, but
|
|
he didn't know what they were. Then one day the boy's family
|
|
took him to an Italian restaraunt. The boy had never had
|
|
Italian food before, and he was mesmerized by the exotic sound-
|
|
ing names of the dishes. He asked about the lasagna, and it
|
|
sounded delicious. He ordered the lasagna, and it _was_
|
|
delicious. The boy knew, that one of the things that was
|
|
missing from his life was no longer missing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
--> An interesting quote from a recent Mac mag article:
|
|
|
|
"Newspapers give the impression that the Internet is some kind of
|
|
transnational CB, populated by bores, obsessives, and couch
|
|
potatoes."
|
|
|
|
Wonder where they get that idea???
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
--> "Analogies are rocks in my underwear."
|
|
|
|
Brian Scott, artist.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If what I'm saying doesn't make any sense, that's because
|
|
sense cannot be made. It's something that must be sensed!
|
|
And I, for one, am insensed by all of this complacency!!
|
|
Why oppose war only when there is a war? Why defend the
|
|
clinics only when they're attacked?! Why support the squads
|
|
in the parks only when police come to close them down?? Why
|
|
are we always reactive? Let's activate something!! Let's
|
|
fuck shit up!! Whatever happened to revolution for the hell
|
|
of it??? Whatever happened to protesting nothing in particular,
|
|
just protesting...because it's Saturday, and there's nothing
|
|
else to do...
|
|
[ed. This is the true spirit of the Boredom!
|
|
Revolution out of Boredom!]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"There's only one thing that I know how to do well
|
|
and I've often been told that you only can do what you know how to do well
|
|
and that's be you, be what you're like, be like yourself,
|
|
and so I'm having a wonderful time but I'd rather be whistling in the dark."
|
|
|
|
TMBG [ed. always a fave]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - C U T H E R E - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
|
|
|
|
(1.6>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
THE BEEHIVE
|
|
by Jason Ronallo
|
|
(jnrst9@cis.vms.pitt.edu)
|
|
|
|
|
|
"Would you draw me a _bad_ picture of Satan? I'll give you
|
|
five bucks," Vern asked the sketchbook in front of him.
|
|
A papier-mache Gregor Samsa and ten busted curling irons
|
|
hang from the ceiling of the Beehive Coffee House. A sandwich-
|
|
board sign painted with a woman with wing-tipped glasses and hair
|
|
styled in the trademark beehive lists the 23 varieties of foreign
|
|
coffees sold. Purple and green bagels sit underneath a covered
|
|
glass dish on the counter. Every wall of this sitting room has a
|
|
continuous mural depicting the life of Ultra Violet in flat
|
|
medieval iconographic style. Monks of Doom plays on the Panasonic
|
|
radio-clock behind the counter just loud enough that every
|
|
over-the-counter communication contains repetitions. Several
|
|
local political and environmental action artists have painted the
|
|
tables with such sage remarks as, "When you throw a puppy from a
|
|
ship into the water it can swim to shore, but when you throw a
|
|
baby from a ship into the water it drowns."
|
|
Talbot sits at this table with his sketchbook, two female
|
|
poets, and Vern. Talbot looks just over Vern's head and
|
|
exhaustedly replies to Vern, "For the last time everything
|
|
in this sketchbook I have drawn with my own hand, I don't like
|
|
Suicidal Tendencies, and I won't draw you a _bad_ picture of
|
|
Satan."
|
|
"I was just asking man. You don't have to jag me like
|
|
that."
|
|
"Why do you treat Vern so harshly like he's a racist?" said
|
|
the first poet.
|
|
Talbot said, "Because he has 'skins' tattooed on his wrist,
|
|
but he has long hair, and his name is Vern and he _is_ a racist
|
|
though he denies it and he's gloomy and he repeats himself. I
|
|
don't like people who repeat themselves."
|
|
Vern's expression wiped off of his face like an Etch-a-
|
|
Sketch.
|
|
"That's no reason not to welcome him into the collective
|
|
order of our generation and tolerate him," said the second poet
|
|
tipped with correction.
|
|
"I also don't like it when poets use double negatives."
|
|
Vern felt depressed and itchy because of the talk started
|
|
because of himself. "Will you marry me?" Vern asked the space in
|
|
between both of the female poets.
|
|
"No," was their instantaneous and harmonious reply. They
|
|
looked at each other like they drank their coffee from metallic
|
|
cups.
|
|
Vern looked so hurt as looked around as if for
|
|
escape. He keyed on on a table where a man wore a short
|
|
sleeved dress shirt and shiny silk tie with acute triangle
|
|
prints. The man had a portable CD player before him and ear-
|
|
surrounding headphones on. Vern went over to him and asked
|
|
loudly with almost evangelistic intent to be heard over the sound
|
|
of the music, "Do you like Suicidal Tendencies?"
|
|
"You don't have to talk so loud. This player is not
|
|
functioning." The man spoke with a tone of barbed superiority
|
|
like a suburbanite having to lower himself to talk to a
|
|
country boy. "No, I think such thoughts when they permeate
|
|
society will be the death of all art which is the true opiate
|
|
of the people. Everything that manipulates existing materials
|
|
or ideas such as religion and chimney sweeping is art and can
|
|
keep people contented. When their minds are full of suicidal
|
|
thoughts they do not create and therefore do not keep the
|
|
society at peace."
|
|
"I meant the group Suicidal Tendencies," said Vern
|
|
dejectedly stung by the man's incomprehensible words.
|
|
"That is what I was talking about." The man then pushed the
|
|
play button of the CD player and listened, or pretended to be
|
|
listening, to something other than societally damaging music.
|
|
The first poet reaches across the table, but Talbot instead
|
|
passes the cream to the poet who gives him sharp-eyed feminist
|
|
scorn. She pours the white cream into a thick, black chocolate
|
|
cappuccino. "Life's like this," she says deliberately about her
|
|
object lesson but with dreaminess of thought, as the cream mixes
|
|
with the cappuccino to form a non-crayola color. "All people can
|
|
come into this coffee house-- this city of refuge-- and be warmed
|
|
by others."
|
|
|
|
|
|
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
|
|
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
|
|
|
|
|
|
(1.7>
|
|
|
|
I'M SO BORED I...
|
|
|
|
|
|
-"...play nerf basketball in my room--alone."--Justin Ronallo
|
|
|
|
-"...shot myself in the head."--Kurt Cobain (many times the only way to
|
|
mourn is to laugh--to laugh deeply and existentially)
|
|
|
|
-"...stand at the sink with the facet water barely running and make tiny
|
|
minimalist sculptures out of ice cubes"--Jason Ronallo (your editor)
|
|
|
|
|
|
[This section is a little sparse and boring right now, because we need your
|
|
input! If you would like to include what you do when you are/have been
|
|
bored in our regular 'I'M SO BORED I...' section, please send me some
|
|
email <jnrst9+@pitt.edu>. We'd love to share your tedious times with you!;]
|
|
|
|
|
|
*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Things to possibly look forward to in the next ish, but we make no promises:
|
|
|
|
-Theme of next ish: BOREDOM CAN BE DANGEROUS (Send us your
|
|
stories of how boredom became dangerous!)
|
|
-Review of the opening of the Andy Warhol MVSEVM
|
|
-PLAN FILE SURF II: Electric Boogaloo!
|
|
-Whatever else we feel like...send us your submissions and we might
|
|
feel like that...
|
|
|
|
|
|
{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}.{}
|
|
` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` `
|
|
|
|
|
|
(1.8>
|
|
|
|
DISCLAIMER & Etc.
|
|
|
|
(aka protecting ourselves from trouble
|
|
and also taking care of some administrivia
|
|
also this is a waste of you time):
|
|
|
|
_Boredom Incarnate_ is an @nti-copyright publication and completely
|
|
a work of poorly written fiction by its good-intentioned and bored editors
|
|
where it is not specifically noted otherwise who the author is. Where
|
|
other authors are named (if we ever get submissions) they may have a
|
|
copyright on their work as listed. This publication is offered to you
|
|
for free and is to be freely distributed in entirety with all references
|
|
to copyrights and the authors' names (or it might self-destruct like an
|
|
Inspector Gadget secret directive) through electrons or in a print-out
|
|
form or included on BBS or FTP sites, but we would ask that you would
|
|
be kewl about protecting their individual right to their work and not
|
|
accept any money for their _work_. Heck, the editors don't expect any
|
|
money to come from this dust rag (we of course would accept any monetary
|
|
donations be sent to Jason Ronallo, 38 Edinburg Dr., PGH, PA 15235. and
|
|
then maybe we can improve it;), but most of the authors might like to
|
|
use the great fame that they will recieve from the wide (or not so wide)
|
|
distribution to make a dollar so they don't have to eat Ramen for the
|
|
rest of their lives (not to say ramen is bad or anything; i just eat it
|
|
a bit too often). All authors whose stories, poems, scraps of electron
|
|
transmissions, excess wordage, quotes, and art have been included in
|
|
_Boredom Incarnate_ agreed to the free distribution of this work without
|
|
any compensation from the editors other than as wide a distribution as
|
|
they have time for in order to bring the authors fame but not necessarily
|
|
fortune.
|
|
_Boredom Incarnate_ will be distributed every as-often-as-they-
|
|
feel-like-it and is partially dependent on how many good .txt submissions
|
|
they recieve.
|
|
To subscribe to the unautomated distribution of _Boredom Incarnate_
|
|
send email to jnrst9+@pitt.edu and include one thing that you do when you
|
|
are bored for inclusion in our "I'm So Bored I..." section knowing
|
|
full-well that we may or may not include it and that you agree to no
|
|
compensation for the quote.
|
|
This is the sentence which includes any disclaimer type thingys
|
|
that we've otherwise neglected that would clear the editors from all legal
|
|
responsibility for the contents.
|
|
|
|
.
|