692 lines
39 KiB
Plaintext
692 lines
39 KiB
Plaintext
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*** ***
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*** NutWorks ***
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*** ---------- ***
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*** The Inter-Net Virtual Magazine which Prides ***
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*** Itself on its Pride in Itself ***
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*** ***
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*** ================ ***
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*** ***
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*** ***
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*** March, 1985. Issue003, (Volume I, Number 3). ***
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*** NutWorks is published monthly. Brent CJ Britton (BRENT@MAINE) ***
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*** virtual Editor and Publisher. ***
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*** ***
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**********************************************************************
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**********************************************************************
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*--------------------------------------------------------------------*
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* Note: BRENT@MAINE is on vacation as of this day, Friday, March 8, *
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* 1985. He will be traveling (incognito) throughout Florida, *
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* land of sun, citrus, and hot oily bodies. Please refer all *
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* comminication concerning NutWorks to Marvin (xxxxx@xxxxxx) *
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* for approximately the next two weeks. Thank you very much. *
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* I'll think of you when I'm tanning... hee hee. *
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*--------------------------------------------------------------------*
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== "To Whose Moral Majority Do YOU Belong ??" ==
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Fundamentalists are aggravating computer evolution.
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Mankind, as a race, is forever adopting new attitudes, new "ways of
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doing things." If a function is performed in the same manner for any
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reasonable amount of time, the means through which it has been per-
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performed will surely be altered in some way as to make the entire
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situation seem different and new. This is exemplified by entities
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such as constantly changing styles of dresswear, the physical
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appearance of automobiles, and the frequent passage of "fads." For
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the most part, though, there are a finite number of ways in which
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things can feasibly be changed. That is, once something has been
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altered a certain number of times, there are simply no more
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possibilities left for change. As a result, patterns of change begin
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to form cycles. We do function X in manner A; soon, A becomes boring
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so we advance to manner B; realizing that B is equally mundane, we see
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manner A as being the best way after all and once again
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advance(/revert(?)) to doing function X the way we did before. The
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cycle continues, in time, ad absurdum.
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Ever since binary_1 was added with binary_1 to result quite
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properly in binary_2 by the roomfull of machinery named ENIAC,
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computers have by far been the most consistent creatures of change.
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Moreover, the attitudes held by those responsible for directing and
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managing the use of computer facilities have done the same. And these
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attitudes are the very type which eternally change in unending cycles.
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One fine day, someone wearing Coke-bottle eye-glasses and a long
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white lab coat--in the pocket of which he kept several thousand ink
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pens-- said, "Holy catfish!" and went on to explain at length how he
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had figured that if THIS computer were rigged up with THAT computer,
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the two could be "linked" so that folks using either computer could
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interact with one another. And so began the glorious days of computer
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communication... The days when operations managers boasted of their
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ability to send and receive files to and from half way across the
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country... The days when System Programmers worked diligently on
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producing CHAT machines... And on the eighth day, Man invented
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computer network links, and man saw the network that it was good...
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The fact that the "Computer System Alpha-Numeric Logon
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Identification Code" is much more realisticly called an "account
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number" stems from the inevitable change that began to take place in
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proportion with the availability of computer services to the public.
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Those people whose minds are geared to do so started to ponder
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questions of payment. Operations Managers, Computing Center
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Directors, they are all good people. For the most part, they are very
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intelligent and truly concerned about the needs of their system and
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those who make use of it. And they all have superiors to whom they
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must answer and from whom they obtain funding.
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The fascination with communication via computer networks has long
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since dwindled in the minds of those who pay for it. The trend among
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them lately is to closely monitor, if not restrict computer usage
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which they feel to be nonproductive or unnecessary. In many cases,
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this includes any and all participation in electronic conferencing
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(chatting), making use of system printers for anything other than true
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blue output (in the programming sense of the word), and the use of
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file sending/receiving capabilities for anything other than mail and
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batch processing. This magazine, of course, is in violation of that.
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These people have legitimate complaints. Someone out there is
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paying for vast amounts of CPU time, and that someone should have
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every right to be sure that his money is not being wasted. It is also
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completely up to that someone to decide just what qualifies as
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"waste".
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Perhaps the problems with restrictions would be alleviated if users
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paid for their own machines. Students and employees could be issued
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machines for classwork and work-work respectively. These machines
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could be monitored and restricted from any unnecessary usage. Each
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person could have the option of purchasing ANOTHER machine to be used
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for anything else. Users who wanted to do things other than that
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which was deemed "necessary" would be free to do so on their very own
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accounts. Many centers offer a limited number of logon id's to anyone
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who requests one, for a modest price. Many people on the Net are
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already paying to be there.
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It's difficult to speculate whether these restrictive attitudes
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will fall into the cycle of recurrence. In a few years, as computer
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time becomes less expensive, perhaps the restrictive grip will loosen.
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Or perhaps things will worsen until the web of the network is severed
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completely at the cutting hands of those who no longer support it.
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====================
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COMPUTER COMMUNICATION: DEVELOPMENT OR DISEASE?
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BY MARVIN RAAB xxxxx@xxxxxx FEB 20 1985
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Having majored in communication arts with computer and journalism
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background (not to mention being a ''ferret''), I'd like to discuss
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the latest craze to sweep not only the United States, but a number of
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other countries as well. This craze, although it has yet to be linked
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to cancer, affects it's victims with symptoms such as lack of sleep,
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greater telephone usage, greater typing speed and accuracy, and an
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emotional attachment to a person or group of persons which the victim
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has never met.
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You guessed it: BITNET/EARNET CHATTING. Victims of this relatively
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new affliction are known as BITNAUTS. No one knows the exact number of
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BITNAUTS since many of them do not wish to declare themselves as such,
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but estimates range from 500-1500. The typical BITNAUT is a male
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college student between the ages of 17 and 25. His grades are average
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and he is extremely computer literate. These statistics were derived
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solely from observation and they do not describe EVERY bitnaut. There
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are Bitnauts of every age, sex, race, educational background, and
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career goals.
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Let's examine the facets to Chatting. For this article,
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''chatting'' refers to one-on-one discussions as well as electronic
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conferencing.
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The Basics: Almost everyone at most of the 200 nodes has access to
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BITNET. Most nodes have over 500 users of which 200 are logged on at
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any one time. Doing some quick math, we find that 40,000 people are
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logged on at any one time. Of course, time zones come into play here
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add, while CUNYVM may have 250 people logged on at 8pm EST, WEIZMANN
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may have only 10 at that hour. In any case, there are literally
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thousands of people logged on at any one time; each one of them able
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to communicate with any other; relatively free of charge.
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After the original novelty of talking to someone who is sitting
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many miles away diminishes, semi-serious conversation occurs.
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Schoolwork and leisure activities are the common topics. If the
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Bitnauts continue at this rate for more than a few days, they will
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usually become closer friends and discuss items which close friends
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usually discuss (personal problems, serious political beliefs, etc.)
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Electronic conferencing is slightly different. The Bitnauts are
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familiar to eachother. An individual's unique nickname along with his
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chatting technique contribute to bonds between chatters. These
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chatters will usually extend their newly found friendship to the level
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of one-on-one in the following weeks.
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Electronic conferencing also serves the need for ''company''. How
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many chatters actually think they hear the voices of the others while
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reading the screen? The more lines of conversation, the louder the
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little voice in your head reads. In addition, no one can see you. If
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you are the ugliest person in your city, no one will know. This
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provides an excellent opportunity to the otherwise shy individual. For
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the obnoxious individual, electronic conferencing is also ideal. He
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can talk (type) while others are also typing and no one needs to wait
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till someone else finishes his sentence.
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The extroverted individual is also given the chance of a lifetime
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since he has a captive audience. Females are able to openly flirt with
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strangers where they are normally prohibited from doing so in
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contemporary society. Males are provided access to girls like never
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before.
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One would never go up to a stranger in the street and ask what the
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weather is like in a particular city. If he did, he would be given
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ridiculous stares and be greatly embarrassed. BITNET, with its
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characteristic of almost total anonymity, allows us to cross the bound-
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ary of embarrassment. (When was the last time you were embarrassed on
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BITNET?)
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The CPQ NAMES command greatly resembles a conventional telephone
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directory. The major difference between that book and the command lies
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in the intrinsic recognition of ID's or BITNET addresses. An id of
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CS11124@ANYWHERE announces to the BITNAUT that the user is a student
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taking computer science, probably the first class in the field. This
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is quite different from seeing J. Doe 15-15 Cherry Street.
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Another analogy to telephone calls is the instinctive response to
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an unknown caller, "Sorry, wrong number" and the receiver hangs up the
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phone. Using BITNET however, receiving a message from an unknown ID
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will yield opposite results. The fear of a "crank call" is eliminated
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and a conversation often results unless of course the receiver is
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preoccupied).
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A major flaw in BITNET relationships is the obvious lack of
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physical contact. Eye contact is very essential to the development of
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friendships. BITNAUTS have succeeded in remedying this to the
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greatest possible extent. The smile ( :-) ), the kiss (**kiss**),
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the simulated laughter (tee hee, hee hee) and many others serve to
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paint an accurate picture of nonverbal communication in the minds of
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the receivers. However, the lack of close proxemics never leaves the
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conscious thoughts.
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In any system of human interaction, soap opera situations develop,
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and BITNET is not immune. There are countless situations of this type
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occuring between BITNAUTS at any time and they have become the threads
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to the fabric of the BITNET society. As the number of BITNAUTS
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increases, so will the number of characters in these soaps as well as
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the number of these soaps.
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Another observation relates to actual meetings of Bitnauts.
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Sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't. There is absolutely no
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possible way to predict which relationship will retain and further
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develop it's on-line roots, and which will wither away.
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BITNAUTS from North America are unlikely to meet their counterparts
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in other countries, although a few travellers will have this pleasure.
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However, one must consider the plight of BITNAUTS from the west coast.
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The majority of nodes are within 1000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean and
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almost all are within 2-8 hours driving time from neighboring nodes.
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This has resulted in many meetings, not to mention the convention(s).
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How do the BITNAUTS from the State of California feel about this?
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The results (positive as well as negative) of BITNET relations has
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yet to be seen. There are undoubtedly dangers involved (imagine an
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emotionally unstable BITNAUT) but to restrict users at nodes from
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BITNET use is not the answer. BITNET has become an important addition
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to the lives of college students of this world, just as television
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entered the lives of society almost 50 years ago. And just as that
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medium has had it's share of problems and positive products, so will
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computer networks. What better way to start than with the college
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students of the world?
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=====================
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** A Joke **
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(Try not to fall out of your chair over this one... go on, try.)
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There was, in Italy, a certain vampire, looking for a place to
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live. He finally settled upon a bridge between two cities, since the
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heavy foot traffic would make it very easy for him to find victims
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when he was hungry.
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Several weeks passed....the vampire was taking young women from the
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bridge, drinking their blood, and throwing them over the side of the
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bridge. Strangely, though, there had been no outcry over the missing
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girls or any kind of search for them. The vampire began to wonder,
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what happened to the bodies after he threw them over the bridge?
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So, the next time he took a woman from the bridge and tossed her
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over the side, he looked over to see what happened to her. Very
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shortly, a large troll came out from under the bridge, slung the girl
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over his shoulder, and walked away, singing "Drained Wops Keep Falling
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on my Head".....
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=====================
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Virtually Unanswerable Questions
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compiled & executed by Marissa
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(xxxxxxxx@xxxxxx)
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Why are some Bitnetters so hung up on knowing their
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virtual friends' last names??
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Why are some Bitnetters so determined to keep even
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their FIRST names secret?? (Mr. X, I mean you!!)
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Why do people from halfway across the continent
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include their phone numbers on their Bitnet mail??
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Am I supposed to call them???
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Does Bitnet mail cost 22 cents now?
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Speaking of cents, why doesn't my keyboard have a
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cents sign???
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When a link is disconnected, why does your own node
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always blame it on the other guy??
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Why is there a LOGMSG if all it ever says is:
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TYPE NEWS FOR SYSTEM INFORMATION ???
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Is software tangible or intangible??
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Why does VMBACKUP take longer than recreating all
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your files from scratch??
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Why doesn't the virtually impossible machine at CUNYVM
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save a copy of the file I was editing when it crashed???
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(WYLBUR does!!!)
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Does anyone use CP? Does anyone care??
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If CUNYVM does accounting twice daily, why does my
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account balance remain the same for a week???
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Why the hell am I asking you all this???
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=====================
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Problem: The question arose while poring over the following cash
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register receipt from Burger King, "Why is the word 'WHOPPER'
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misspelled?":
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,-------------------------,
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| BR KING 1909 |
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| 16 F E B 13:18 |
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| 1 WHOPER 1.40 |
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| *** ONL Y |
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| K O |
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| 1 CHICKEN 1.79 |
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| 1 EAT IN .00 |
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| 1 FRIES .52 |
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| 1 PEPS L .70 |
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| 1 DIET L .70 |
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| TX .31 |
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| 32 TOTAL 5 5.42 |
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| CASH 6.00 |
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| RET URN .58 |
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'-------------------------'
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Hypotheses:
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1. Fields are a maximum of 6 characters long.
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rejected; 'CHICKEN' extends into column 7.
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2. Whoever programmed the system can't spell properly.
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rejected; Burger King management would damn well make sure that the
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names of their products were spelled correctly. Also, other anomalies
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exist, i.e., the blanks in the words "ONLY" and "RETURN," and the left
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margin is ragged.
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3. Burger King cash registers can only print certain characters in
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certain columns, forcing the odd spelling and odd format. This
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hypothesis seems to have the most merit. The original receipt shows
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that the printing mechanism prints characters from fully-formed
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images, not in a dot-matrix form. Thus we can visualize the print
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mechanism as consisting of a rotating wheel for each column. Since to
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fit all 36 alphamers on each wheel would probably give them too great
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a diameter to be practical, only a selected subset of the letters are
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put on each wheel, and the spelling and positioning of the item names
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has to be adjusted to fit this scheme.
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It would appear that Burger King even chooses the names for new
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products with the design of their cash registers in mind. For
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example, their fish sandwich is called the "Whaler", which is easily
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printed using the W, H, E, and R from 'WHOPER', the A from 'EAT IN'
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and the 'L' from 'ONL Y'. However, it could just have easily been
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called 'FISH' by taking the F in 'FRIES', the I in 'DIET', and the S
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and H from 'CASH', so it appears that even this hypothesis is a little
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weak.
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Any other hypotheses and further research by readers would be
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welcomed.
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+++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++
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Received: by MAINE id 1110; Fri, 01 Mar 85 05:59:35 EST
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Subject: The reason why WHOPPER is spelled WHOPER.
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To: Brent C.J. Britton <BRENT@MAINE>
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From: Barry D. Gates <xxxxxxx@MAINE>
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Date: Fri, 1 Mar 1985 04:53 EST
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It has come to my attention that a great furor has been aroused in
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the field of computer academia over the spelling of the word WHOPPER
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on receipts from Burger King. First of all, it should be pointed out
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that I do not, as a normal matter of habit, frequent such substandard
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eateries as this when a choice does exist, but at one occasion I did
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happen to stop into one of fast food establishments with several of my
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academic colleagues during this past summer and we happened to notice
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these strange encryptic printouts.
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After staring at these strange writings for a few minutes we
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noticed the similarity between our cash receipts and xediting a file
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that had been sent from a Vax (small mainframe computer, usually
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dedicated to tasks such as graphics which deserve to be done on such
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machines) using the SEND/FILE/BINARY command. The Vax, as most of you
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should know, communicates with an extended version of the ASCII
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character set, whereas the IBM uses the EBCDIC character set. This
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translation from one set to another allows some characters to be
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translated the into gibberish, others into different characters, and
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still others to remain unchanged.
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It is from this observation that I was able to determine the reason
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for the strange and somewhat cryptic spellings on Burger King
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receipts. As you all know, the EBCDIC character set is the successor
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to an older character set called BCD. This BCD character set was used
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by IBM in its computers back in the late 1950s/early 1960s in the IBM
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1400-series computers. From a back issue of the Scientific American
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(December 1962 to be exact), I discovered a company by the name of
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Inter-Code Business Machine Company who had built an extension to the
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BCD character set for use in their computer, the SS-20. The company
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was declared bankrupt after selling less than 12 computers, and they
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were left with over 12,000 more of these machines in stock. The name
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of their character set was called BCDCB. One of the best aspects of
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their computer was that it was all capable of being housed in a box no
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larger than a terminal.
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At the same time that ICBM was going bankrupt, Burger King had just
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come into the fast food market and was in need of tax shelters. In a
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deal to help pay ICBM's creditors, they agreed to purchase the
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remaining stock of SS-20s from ICBM for the cost of $20 (a dollar
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could buy a lot more back in the old days). As time went on, Burger
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King never really did anything with their $20 investment, and the
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SS-20s remained stockpiled in one of Burger King's wharehouses.
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----- Then came the age of Computerized Cash Registers! -----
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Burger King was in bad economic straights back in 1973 when they
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were losing massive numbers of customers to an Irish-American
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hamburger chain (which shall also remain nameless). They also wished
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to get some new electronic cash registers for their counters. An old
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janitor at Burger King happened to stumble on the old SS-20s one day,
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and one of the head programmers at Burger King came up with a great
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idea. Why not take an old SS-20, put an aluminum box around it and
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put a keypad on top and use the device as a cash register (you will
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remember that ICBM was ahead of its time in making computers small).
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The idea worked; it worked fabulously in fact. However, several
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years later they decided to add a receipt printer to the whole combo.
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Here is where our trouble is. As I had mentioned before, BCD and
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BCDCB were not quite the same. Burger King, however, did not realize
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this until after they had bought the 12,000 BCD receipt printers they
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thought they needed. They also did not realize this fact until after
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they had mounted all 12,000 printers onto their cash registers.
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The SS-20s had a rather odd character-out routine, which would
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switch to graphics mode whenever to identical characters were sent in
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succession. The letter 'R' also could cause problems, because that
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was how you returned from graphics mode back into text mode (the
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process of converting back to text mode is rather slow on these
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machines however, and usually takes about as much time as it takes to
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send another 5 characters).
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So, as you can see the word WHOPPER is actually what the SS-20 is
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printing, but the second 'P' would put the SS-20s normal display
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device (the GLCM) into graphics mode. Since a receipt printer does
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not have a graphics mode, it just ignores the strange code it gets
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entirely. The second problem I just mentioned also explains why the
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string 'FRENCH FRIES' appears as 'FFRIES' on a Burger King receipt
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tape.
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I have, over this past break, worked out the translation code from
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BCDCB into either BCD, EBCDIC or ASCII. If anyone should happen to
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want this program, I will be glad to send the source code along. I
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also have developed the code to make a Visual 550 act as a GLCM.
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Together, these are the start of a really excellent graphics package.
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If you wish to know how to make your Vs550 act as a GLCM, please give
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me a call and I will drive to your installation and personally give
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your Visual it's 'test flight'.
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Oh, well. I have to run now. I hope this clears up any problems
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that might have developed.
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Later, Barry...
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=====================
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Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch -- Part I
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As the Lone Ranger rode down the gully he felt a shiver of impending
|
|
doom run down his spine to the very roots of his ingrown toenails. As
|
|
he turned the corner on a narrow bend in the horse track, he yelled in
|
|
fear as great black swarms of bats smoking Rum and Tapioka Cigars
|
|
descended in a rush.
|
|
**************
|
|
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Goldilocks roused sleepily from bed
|
|
and shuffled downstairs, pulling on a thin robe as she went. Much to
|
|
her surprise she discovered a band of rowdy, foul orcs making short
|
|
work of what remained in the larder. She screamed daintily and ran
|
|
toward the living room, the loose folds of her robe flapping about her
|
|
rather well-developed physique, pursued by 12 Orcs who had decided
|
|
they had found something better to eat than powdered cake mix and
|
|
instant coffee.
|
|
**************
|
|
Meanwhile, in an old slum tenement house deep in the thriving urban
|
|
center of New York, Illinois, Marvin Teeble decided he had had enough
|
|
of crime and rape and began waging his private war by shorting the
|
|
blind newspaper man 15 cents.
|
|
**************
|
|
Meanwhile, back in the gully, TLR was slowly recovering from
|
|
various venomous bites and several cigar-burns, shook his muddled head
|
|
and rose shakily to his feet. It had been a rough fight, but the
|
|
Goodie-Goodies always win. It was then he noticed Butch Cavendish and
|
|
twenty top marksmen, all aiming assorted deadly weaponry in his general
|
|
direction. "Looks like it's going to be one of those days," he
|
|
thought wearily.
|
|
**************
|
|
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, three large and ill-disposed bears
|
|
walked in on the scene in the living room. Yelling with rage, fury,
|
|
and lust, they waded into the midst of the orcs slashing
|
|
indiscriminately at vital areas. The ensuing confusion allowed
|
|
Goldilocks, tired but satisfied, to make good her escape out the back
|
|
door unnoticed, covered with blood and various parts of orcs who
|
|
wouldn't be needing them anymore anyway.
|
|
To Be Continued ...
|
|
|
|
=====================
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hackers Take Note!
|
|
|
|
Below is an IBM product announcement that I have cooked up that is
|
|
becoming quite popular within IBM.
|
|
TITLE VIRTUAL MACHINE / EXTENDED MIGRATION AID SYSTEM (VM/XMAS)
|
|
ABSTRACT The IBM Extended Migration Aid System (VM/XMAS), along
|
|
with the newly announced System Advanced Network Tailoring
|
|
Architecture (SANTA), is the new base for all Extended Architecture
|
|
developments and is to become the only supported VM system.
|
|
OVERVIEW VM/XMAS, on a triadic processor, allows a production MVS/XA
|
|
to be run, while keeping idle 70% of the total processor. System
|
|
analysis screens will display 100% busy so that you can claim
|
|
that you need a larger CPU. This is accomplished via the new
|
|
370 instruction, Start Increased Execution (SIE) which will cause
|
|
all instructions to take approximately 60% longer (individual
|
|
benchmarks may vary according to the tailored load of your system).
|
|
VM/XMAS HILIGHTS
|
|
o Automatic PSAR submission via RSF. PSAR submission will
|
|
occur whenever the system recognizes that is has supplied
|
|
an INCORROUT reply to a user.
|
|
o Support for full-duplex ASCII terminals. Users must learn
|
|
to type in reverse ASCII in order to use this new function.
|
|
3270 will currently still be supported but may be removed
|
|
at any given time in the future.
|
|
o Randomization after failure mode. Dumps are considered
|
|
too boring, so this added function allows the system
|
|
maintainer to determine how much randomization occurs
|
|
between the time VM/XMAS fails and between the time it
|
|
produces a dump. IBM Internal Use documentation suggests
|
|
that a randomization factor higher than 10% maybe hazardous
|
|
to the system programmers health.
|
|
o Hierarchical dump file system. Work is currently under
|
|
way for a dump file retrieval facility. System planners
|
|
are suggested to allocate a bank of 3380's for the
|
|
hierarchical dump file system.
|
|
o Ability to upgrade to a Cray XMP. Program testing is
|
|
under way to see whether this will indeed work as stated.
|
|
o Variable resource accounting. This means that it is
|
|
variable whether VM/XMAS will do resource accounting.
|
|
CUSTINFO PUBLICATIONS
|
|
One copy of each of the documents listed below will be
|
|
supplied automatically with the basic machine-readable material.
|
|
o VM/XMAS Licensed Program Specification
|
|
o VM/XMAS Installation Guide
|
|
o VM/XMAS Messages and Codes
|
|
o VM/XMAS Program Summary
|
|
o VM/XMAS General Information Manual
|
|
o VM/XMAS CP Reference
|
|
o VM/XMAS Customization Guide
|
|
o VM/XMAS SANTA Reference
|
|
o VM/XMAS SANTA Messages and Clauses
|
|
o VM/XMAS Operating Systems in a Virtual Machine Guide
|
|
o VM/XMAS Technical Reference
|
|
All documentation will be available according to general
|
|
availability schedule. The Program Summary is available now.
|
|
SCHEDULE
|
|
Planned general availability is 5Q86.
|
|
EDUCATION
|
|
VM/XMAS planning and installation education will be available
|
|
starting on April 1st, 1985.
|
|
TECHINFO TECHNICAL INFORMATION
|
|
PROGRAM INTERFACES: VM/XMAS is designed to support the following
|
|
operating systems as virtual machines:
|
|
MVS/SP Version 1 (JES2 or JES3) in a V=R preferred area in UP
|
|
mode
|
|
MVS/XA in a V=R preferred area in AP mode
|
|
VM/SP in a V=R preferred area in MT mode
|
|
VM/SP High Performance Option in a V=R preferred area in UP mode
|
|
OS/VS1 in a V=R preferred area (but only on Wednesdays)
|
|
DOS/VSE in a V=R preferred area
|
|
MVS/SP Version 1 (JES2 or JES3) in a V=V area in UP mode
|
|
MVS/XA in a V=V area in UP or virtual MP mode
|
|
VM/XMAS in a R=V area in AP mode
|
|
VM/SP in a V=V area in UP mode
|
|
VM/SP High Performance Option in a V=V area in UP mode
|
|
OS/VS1 in a V=V area in MP mode
|
|
DOS/VSE in a V=V area in UP mode (read over Planning and
|
|
Installation Guide for limitations of this particular
|
|
configuration during 2Q86).
|
|
VM/XA Migration Aid in a V=V area in UP or virtual MP mode
|
|
VM/XA Migration Aid CMS in a V=V area (planned availability
|
|
is 4Q88).
|
|
DEVICE SUPPORT: VM/XMAS provides for three levels of device support:
|
|
Fully-supported devices are those devices that are known to be
|
|
used and may be used by but not exclusively used by, with
|
|
prior consent by a responsible adult.
|
|
Dedicated-only devices are devices that are recognized, but not
|
|
only used by VM/XMAS but used sometimes by guest operating
|
|
systems.
|
|
Extended devices are those devices that are used by the
|
|
system but not always by the system, to provide an extended
|
|
facility base to advanced SANTA user. Read over VM/XMAS
|
|
Planning and Installation Guide for the clause that states
|
|
that SANTA users must be experienced Eunuchs (*) users.
|
|
(*) - Eunuchs is a Trademark of Ball Lavatories
|
|
HARDWARE REQUIREMENTS:
|
|
o Enough DASD, terminals, tapes, and other I/O devices to push
|
|
IBM stock above the $500/share mark.
|
|
o A minimum processor real memory size of 512 megabytes.
|
|
Statement of intent: IBM intends to create a 512 megabyte
|
|
real storage processor sometime in the near future.
|
|
o One Series/1 per locally attached 3270 type terminal.
|
|
The minimum Series/1 configuration is:
|
|
- IBM Series/1 4956 or 4955 Processor with at least 128Kb of
|
|
memory
|
|
- IBM Timex Clock (#7840)
|
|
- IBM Programmer Console (#5655 for 4956; #5650 for 4955)
|
|
- IBM 4993 System/370 Channel Attachment (#1200)
|
|
- IBM Teletype Adapter (#7850)
|
|
- IBM 4964 Rockette Unit Attachment (#3581)
|
|
- IBM 4964 Model 1 Rockette Unit
|
|
- IBM 3101 Terminal in reverse ASCII character mode
|
|
(console)
|
|
- IBM 4993 System/370 Channel Interface Check Card
|
|
- IBM 4997 Rack Enclosure and Screw assembly (#9197)
|
|
- IBM Feature-Programmable Multiline 4-line Communications
|
|
Adapter (#2096)
|
|
- IBM Feature-Programmable 8-line Communications Control
|
|
(#2095).
|
|
SECURITY AND INTEGRITY:
|
|
With every purchased version of VM/XMAS, a bonded
|
|
security agent is supplied to watch that no violations occur.
|
|
In addition, an integrity diploma is issued for every version
|
|
of VM/XMAS stating it's virtue and integrity to IBM.
|
|
INSTALLATION AND SERVICE: Due to a misunderstanding at PID,
|
|
VM/XMAS will be distributed on magnets that are taped together.
|
|
Corrective service, in the form of randomized object modules
|
|
will possibly be made available. Refresh frequency will be
|
|
every 90 minutes and customers will be notified when a new
|
|
refresh magnet is available.
|
|
ORDERING INFORMATION
|
|
VM/XMAS can be ordered from any of the following places:
|
|
o Macy's
|
|
o Two-Guys
|
|
o Caldors
|
|
o Duane Reade (free case of Anacin-3 supplied)
|
|
CHARGES, TERMS, AND CONDITIONS
|
|
CHARGES
|
|
ONE-TIME CHARGE:
|
|
$35,000 plus one first born child from each installation
|
|
YEARLY LICENSE CHARGE:
|
|
$65,000 plus baksheesh
|
|
QUANTITY DISCOUNTS:
|
|
Quantity Discount
|
|
5 - 9 9%
|
|
10 - 14 3%
|
|
15 - 19 23%
|
|
20 or more 15%
|
|
TERMS AND CONDITIONS
|
|
WARRANTED:
|
|
For one year unless opened or tampered with by customer.
|
|
LICENSED PROGRAM MATERIALS AVAILABILITY:
|
|
This licensed program will be available without source licensed
|
|
program materials. It will be available with object code only.
|
|
MONTHLY LICENSED PROGRAM SUPPORT CHARGE: no support.
|
|
|
|
=====================
|
|
|
|
|
|
IMPURE MATHEMATICS
|
|
|
|
Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly virtue, young
|
|
Polly Nomial (our heroine), is accosted by the notorious villian,
|
|
Curly Pi, and factored (oh, Horror!).
|
|
Once Upon a time (1/t), pretty Polly Nomial was strolling across a
|
|
field of vectors when she came to the boundary of a singular
|
|
matrix.. Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an
|
|
absolute condition that she never enter such an array without her
|
|
brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that
|
|
morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this
|
|
condition on the basis that is was insufficient, and make her way in
|
|
among the complex elements. Rows and columns closed in on here from
|
|
all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and
|
|
tensor. Quite suddenly, two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a
|
|
single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix,
|
|
and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point, she
|
|
tripped over a square root that was protruding from the erf and
|
|
plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once
|
|
more, she found herself inverted, apparently aline, in a non-euclidian
|
|
space.
|
|
She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi,
|
|
was lurking innerproduct. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear
|
|
coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face, He wondered, was
|
|
she still convergent? He decided to integrate improperly at once,
|
|
Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly Pi
|
|
approaching with his power series extrapolated.. She could see at once
|
|
by his degenerate conic and dissipative terms that he was bent on no
|
|
good,
|
|
'Arcsinh', she gasped.
|
|
'Ho, Ho,' he said. 'What a symmetric little asymptote you have. I
|
|
can see your angels have a lit of secs.'
|
|
'Oh sir,' she protested. 'Keep away from me. I haven't got my
|
|
brackets on.'
|
|
'Calm yourself, my dear.' said our suave operator. 'Your fears
|
|
are purely imaginary.'
|
|
'I...I' she thought. 'Perhaps he's not normal but homologous.'
|
|
'What order are you?' the brute demanded.
|
|
'Seventeen.' replied Polly.
|
|
Curly leared, 'I suppose you've never been operated on.'
|
|
'Of course not,' Polly replied quite properly. 'I'm absolutely
|
|
convergent.'
|
|
'Come, come,' said Curly. 'Let's go to a decimal place I know and
|
|
I'll take you to the limit.'
|
|
'Never!' gasped Polly.
|
|
'Abscissa.' he swore, using the vilest oath he know. His patience
|
|
was gone. Cohsing her over the coefficient with a log until she was
|
|
powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her
|
|
significant places, and began smoothing out her points of inflection.
|
|
Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was now her only hope. She
|
|
felt his hand tending to her asymptotic limit, Her convergence would
|
|
soon be gone forever!
|
|
There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavysided operator. Curly's
|
|
radius squared itself. Polly's loci quivered. He integrated by
|
|
parts, he integrated by partial fractions. After he cofactored, he
|
|
performed Runge-Kutta on here. The complex beast even went all the
|
|
way around and did a contour integration. Curly went on operation
|
|
until he had satisfied her hypothesis. Then he exponentiated and
|
|
became completely orthogonal.
|
|
When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that she was no
|
|
longer piecewise continuous, and had been truncated in several
|
|
places, But is was too late to differentiate now. As the months went
|
|
by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically, Finally she went to
|
|
L'hospital and generated a small but pathological function which left
|
|
surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation.
|
|
The moral of our sad story is this:
|
|
'If you want to keep your expressions convergent,
|
|
never allow them a single degree of freedom.'
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
=====================
|
|
|
|
"To err is human -- to moo, bovine."
|
|
|
|
=====================
|