2061 lines
92 KiB
Plaintext
2061 lines
92 KiB
Plaintext
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ßßß ßßß ßß ßßßßß ßßßßßß ßß ßßßßßß ßßßßß
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ßßßß ßßßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß
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ßß ßßßß ßß ßß ßßßß ßßßßß ßß ßß ßßßß
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ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß
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ßß ßß ßß ßßßßß ßß ßß ßß ßßßßß
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ßß ßßßßß ßßßßß ßß ßß ßßßßßß ßßßßßß ßßßßßß ßßßßß
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ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßßß ßß ßßß ßß
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ßß ßßßß ßßßß ßß ßß ßßßßß ßß ß ßß ßß ß ßß ßßß
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ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßßß ßß ßßß ßß ßß
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ßß ßßßßß ßßßßß ßßßßß ßßßßßß ßßßßßß ßßßßßß ßßßßß
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ßßßÛ ßÛ ßÛß Û Û Û Û Û ßÛ ÛßßÛ ÛßßÛ ßßßÛ
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Ûßßß Û Û Û Û Û ßßßÛ Û ßßßÛ ßßßÛ Ûßßß
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ßßßß ßßß ßßß ßßßß ßßßß ßßßß ßßß ßßßß ßßßß ßßßß
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The Misfits: Drug Lord, Evil, Mad Dog, Predat0r, Sinister X, Spermie, The Duke
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>Unknown< Others
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Blitzkrieg Bbs (502)/499-8933 NUP:Columbian Coke
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ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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Û Û Û
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Û Ü Ü ÜÜÜÜ ÛÜÜÜÜÜÛ ÜÜÜÜ Ü Ü Ü ÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜ
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Û ÛÜÜÛ ÛÜ Û Û Û Û Û Û ÛÜ ÛÜÜÛ
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Û Û Û ÛÜÜÜ Û ÛÜÜÛ ÛÜÛÜÛ ÛÜÜÜ Û ÛÜ
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ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ Ü Ü ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û
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Û Û Û Û Û Û ÛÜÜÜÜÜÛ Û Û Û ÛÜÜ ÛÜÜÜÜÜÛ
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Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û
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ÛÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÛÜÜÜÜÜÛ Û Û Û Û ÛÜÜÜÜÜÛ Û ÛÜÜÜÜÜÜ Û ÛÜÜ
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[ What follows is a conversation with man who knows more than ]
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[ you or I ever will. Heed his word's well. "ME:" is me, ]
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[ "AN:" is him ]
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AN: Hello?
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ME: Hi is Alan there?
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AN: Yes, who's this?
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ME: Hi, is Mr. Meshuga there?
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AN: This is he.
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ME: Hello?
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AN: Yes, can I help you?!
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ME: I'm sorry. My name is Abraham Epstein.
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AN: Abraham Epstein.
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ME: And I wanted to know if I could ask you a few questions.
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AN: Abraham Epstein, are you the same Abraham Epstein that called
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me up about a week ago?
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ME: I might have been.
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AN: From Brooklyn?
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ME: Yes, I think so.
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AN: Hold on a second, Abraham. Hold on a second.
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ME: Alright.
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AN: How'd you get my number, Abraham?
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ME: I believe that I got your number in reference to the Power
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Computer.
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AN: Yes, but who gave you my number? That's what I want to know.
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And how did you get this information?
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ME: I got this information essentially from a man named Mr.
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Morris. He's in Washington.
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AN: Mr. Morris?
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ME: Right. And I consult with him and I just wanted to get more
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information from him. He felt--
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AN: What number is that Abraham? Not that I'm not getting nosy
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or anything, but I want to check this out.
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ME: I don't have Mr. Morris's number. He's in Washington. I can
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only contact him by calling--
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AN: Abraham, look I'm going to put it to you this way: I'm in the
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middle with the FBI on this and don't worry about. I'm going to
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be a nice guy to you and say: don't worry about it. OK? I don't
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want to get into this with you. If you have any credentials, if
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you're affiliated with Washington -- are you?
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ME: Yes.
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AN: What do you do for Washington.
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ME: Mainly I consult with Mr. Morris and I also -- It's in
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relation to Senator Moynihan.
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AN: It's in relation to Senator Moynihan. Are you a constituent
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of Senator Moynihan's?
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ME: Yes
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AN: And you live in Brooklyn?
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ME: That's right.
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AN: Are you a Congressmen or an Assemblymen or anything?
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ME: No, I'm not. I'm a consultant of the Government. You know,
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you don't have to talked to me if you don't want to but I felt
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that--
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AN: Well I'd rather not because, you know, I really don't know
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you and here you are.
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ME: I see.
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AN: OK?
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ME: Well it might be profitable if I could ask you a few
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questions.
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AN: Alright, just ask me one question. Go ahead.
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ME: OK, well I was interested in mainly the ramifications the
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Power Computer might present as far as the immediate dangers.
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AN: The immediate dangers?
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ME: Right.
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AN: As long as I'm living there will be no dangers.
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ME: And if you're not is really...
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AN: If I'm not the world's dead, that's finalized.
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ME: The world is dead?
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AN: Yah, it will eventually pass wind on everybody.
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ME: OK, and --
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AN: Let me ask you something: Mr. Epstein, are you going to
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report back to Mr. Moynihan?
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ME: Yes. Is there any information you wish me to --
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AN: I just wish that I knew that I was talking to someone who was
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legitimate with me. Alright? But I will put it to you this way:
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Mr. Moynihan has written me.
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ME: Right. He's told me that.
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AN: He has told you that?
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ME: He's said he's written you and he's thanked you for your
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views. And that's why I thought I could get more information.
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AN: There's a TV computer -- Let me put it to you this way --
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What do you do for a living anyway?
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ME: Mainly I just consult.
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AN: You consult? You work for IBM?
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ME: No, I don't.
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AN: Ok, all I can tell you is that this Power Computer is
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dangerous. It's in everybody's mind. It's invisible. It enters
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through the ear. And there's a place in Fruitland, Utah,
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underground, which I pulled the plug on. And I do believe that -
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- I am so upset about this, Abraham -- that the Air Force are
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going to bomb Utah. I don't want to pull the plug on it. Now
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there are other types of computers hooked up to this Power
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Computer and I want them detached before the Air Force bomb
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Utah. OK, that's the Big Daddy computer and that Senator
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Moynihan knows about also, I believe.
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ME: He told me about the Big Daddy computer and he also told me
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about the Plastics.
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AN: Right. Plastics, the computer people. They're hell of a
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nice people. And unfortunately they've been beat up by TV for
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over twenty years now. There are probably between ten --
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ME: Are you a computer person?
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AN: No, I'm not. I was a salesman in the garment center when
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this all happened to me.
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ME: OK
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AN: Anything else?
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ME: If you could continue.
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AN: I can tell you this much: mail has been stolen from me.
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Important information, valuable information. And I have the
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return receipts and everything like that.
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ME: We were also wondering: Is there any connection between any
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political figures and the Power Computer? Has the Power Computer
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affected -- or the computer people affected -- politics or
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political --
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AN: I'd rather not answer that, Mr. Epstein.
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ME: OK, that's fine if you don't want to answer that.
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AN: Well, I don't see why Mr. Moynihan doesn't call me up.
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ME: I assure there are many things the Senator has other people
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call about. I'm close to him and --
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AN: Can I have your phone number. Mr. Epstein?
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ME: OK, sure.
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AN: Why not.
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ME: My phone number is xxx-xxxx. That's the 212 area code. It's
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my office phone number. You can contact me there during the day.
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AN: You wouldn't mind if I check into this number would you?
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ME: Not at all.
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AN: You're there Monday to Friday?
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ME: Yes
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AN: OK, now if there's any way you can get a hold of the
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honorable Senator, since you're a consultant, I would appreciate
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it because I am personally getting my butt kicked by this
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computer now, in the mind, for over twelve years.
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ME: Could you specify more?
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AN: Let me put it to you this way Mr. Epstein: the voice that you
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hear out loud is that of the computer. You're not talking to
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Alan Meshuga. You're talking to the name that took on Alan
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Meshuga.
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ME: I'm talking to the computer.
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AN: That's right. Always was Mr. Epstein, since 1976, And I
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didn't know you then.
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ME: No, you didn't. I will let the Senator know that you wish to
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talk him and that you are legitimate.
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AN: And I'm going to the FBI tomorrow and hopefully -- you see,
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my mail has been stolen when I sent it to the White House. I
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have the return receipts. It went express mail, regular mail,
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first class, any which way. It's all been stolen.
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ME: I can tell you that the Senator feels there has been some
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resistance from the White House on this subject, and that's why
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he asked me to call you to check it out. I will tell him that
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you are legitimately affiliated with this Power Computer. You
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have let the Government become aware of the Power Computer.
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AN: Right, and I've let CBS aware of it also and they're being
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bugged by TV not to get involved. It's called computer bugging,
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It has the ability to take over the mind.
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ME: Has there been any media coverage of this?
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AN: Macneil Lehrehr has written me a few times.
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ME: What did they say?
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AN: They considered my views. They considered a reporter, only
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because this TV computer is around their minds as well and the
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outer space computers are in on it also. There's life on Venus,
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Mars, XNeon and Planet Earth
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ME: And the Computer People are good?
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AN: What do you mean they're good?
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ME: They're not beating anybody up in their mind?
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AN: The Computer People are getting beat up left and right in
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their minds, just like me, sometimes worse. My mind is blank,
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Mr. Epstein. You normally think, correct?
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ME: Excuse me?
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AN: You know what it's like to think everyday?
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ME: Yes.
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AN: I hear voices through a brain. I don't think, and I haven't
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for over twelve years.
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ME: One more question: Is there any way we can get in contact
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with any Computer People?
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AN: Well, if you're legitimate Abraham, and you know Senator
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Moynihan and you're relaying my thoughts to him, I'm sure he'll
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be able to help you out. You know it's IBM. You can speak to a
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fellow by the name of John Doe*, if you're lucky enough. He
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helped design this computer. He's innocent, everybody's
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innocent. This Power Computer decided to choose IBM. It made
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people build the computer in IBM's name. And people died during
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the process of building it.
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ME: Do you have any further information?
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AN: Well, like I said if you're telling me the truth, and I'm a
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truthful type of person, I would like you to get a hold of
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somebody in that government and have him give me a phone call.
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I'm not working thanks to this computer.
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ME: What do you mean?
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AN: That means I'm not employed at the moment because this
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computer is beating me up Monday to Friday and Saturday and
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Sunday.
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ME: I see.
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AN: I might not sound it to you over the telephone, but then
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again you're not in my mind so it's kind of difficult for you to
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understand that.
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ME: I understand. Is there only one computer in your mind at
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this time.
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AN: There are individual computer minds. You see, the setup is
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that this Power Computer is setup in Utah and it flies out of the
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computer and there are trillions upon trillions of computer minds
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coast to coast and overseas. They're in everybody's mind, this
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computer. And each computer can talk out loud, it understands a
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lot of languages. It can talk through the telephone wire or the
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TV set.
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ME: How does it understand the languages?
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AN: It's in the chips.
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ME: I see.
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AN: Alright Abraham, now I'm going to be calling you one of these
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days and I hope you can help me out.
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ME: Please do if you have any further questions. One more
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question: Do they communicate?
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AN: They can talk out loud. It can talk to a TV set, a radio, a
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telephone, anything electric. Electronic.
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ME: Do they speak to you?
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AN: They speak to me 24 hours a day except when I sleep. And it
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has talked out loud on occasion to me.
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ME: From a TV set?
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AN: It can talk to a TV set. Yes. It's in the Cathode Ray
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Tube. It can talk and pick a mind right from a TV set.
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ME: That's good to know.
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AN: I'm sure it is good to know.
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ME: Are there any organizations which are involved at the this
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time with trying to stop the Power Computer or pull the plug on
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it or are you the only one at this time.
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AN: I am the only person that can do that. I'll be giving the
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directive. President Reagan is bugged he can not get involved
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and Senator Moynihan can not get in touch with Senator Hatch who
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has also written me because both of them are bugged. Get the
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picture?
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ME: Yes. Is Mario Cuomo involved?
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AN: Well, I would like him to be involved. Like I said the
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Politicians are innocent. This is all this Power Computer's
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plan. And this computer wanted me dead many times. It put me on
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drugs because it beat my mind up.
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ME: What sort of drugs.
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AN: I'm not proud of that and it's not an easy drug to say. I
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didn't shoot up anything. But it wanted me dead and I had no
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choice but to do this because my mind was very sore.
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ME: I have to go now. Thank you for talking to me and take care.
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AN: OK, Mr. Epstein, I'll be looking into you.
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ME: Goodnight.
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EOC
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ÖÄÄÄÄÄ· ÖÄ· ÖÄ· ÖÄÄÄÄÄÄ· ÖÄÄÄÄÄ· ÖÄÄÄÄÄÄ· ÖÄÄÄÄÄ· ÖÄ· ÖÄ· ÖÄÄÄÄ·ÖÄ· ÖÄ·ÖÄÄÄ·
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º ÖÄ· º º º º º Ó· ÖÄ· º º ÖÄÄĽ º ÖÄÄ· º º ÖÄ· º º º º º º Ö· ºº º º ºº ÖĽ
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º º ÓĽ º ÓĽ º º ÓĽ º º ÓÄ· º ÓÄĽ º º ÓĽ º º º º º º ºº ºº º º Ó½ ÓÄ·
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º º ÖÄ· ÓÄÄÄ· º º ÖÄ· º º ÖĽ º ÖÄ· Ö½ º ÖÄÄĽ º º º º º ºº ºº º º ÖÄÄ· º
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º ÓĽ º ÖÄÄĽ º Ö½ ÓĽ º º ÓÄÄÄ· º º º Ó· º º º ÓĽ º º ºº Ó½ º º º º º
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ÓÄÄÄÄĽ ÓÄÄÄÄĽ ÓÄÄÄÄÄĽ ÓÄÄÄÄĽ ÓĽ ÓÄĽ ÓĽ ÓÄÄÄÄĽ ÓĽÓÄÄÄĽ ÓĽ ÓĽ
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THE FALLEN HEAVEN TOUR- ACCORDING TO ANGEL
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Angel had been paranoid about the security of the flight. She'd
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been paranoid about leaving Transative. She didn't want their best acts
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to get blown up on the plane, but then she didn't want someone to waste
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the compound. Which was the worse to loose? It had been easy really.
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She was going to be on the plane. She worried Solo for weeks about
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checking and rechecking the plane and how the faceless enemy, doubtless
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hired by Boeing, might blow them all away. In the end the intrepid,
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taciturn, cyborged Solo had yelled at her to let her to do her fucking
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job. And Angel had slunk away guiltily to see Sean, again.
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Sean was Darkstar's closest friend, apart from her, or so she
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hoped. Sean was a spy for the Elven nation or, as Darkstar called him,
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an accountant. He monitored monetary transactions. He'd stolen over
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1.5 million from Boeing for Darkstar's operations. The thought amused
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him, but he'd made sure all traceable links ran to Transative and not
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him. He warned Angel she'd need to get the money back. It was only a
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loan. But he'd forked out over 600,000 NY from his own account for
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Darkstar. That was a lot of money for him. He had a flash company car
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and a decent bike, but his home was a small one storey out South
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Queensferry way. Angel knew it rather well.
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When she'd first turned to him for help as Darkstar was hauled away
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into the night sky and then transported half way across the world, he'd
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told her there was only one way he could think of raising the cash and
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Darkstar would never forgive her. She'd threatened to kill him if
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Darkstar died and hung up. Later, hours later, when she'd managed to
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get the Japanese hospital, re-gen centre of the world, to take him and
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had managed to get a few lines on raising some of the cash, she'd gone
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round to see him, begging forgiveness and help.
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She'd meant to be nice about it, sophisticated. She ended up
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crying on his shoulder, then in his bed making love. Sean was an
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unusual lover. Gentle, rough, whatever she wanted, but always, always,
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he held her afterwards and told how much he cared. Not normal behaviour
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in 21st century social life, where few people had time for sentiment in
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casual sex. Darkstar was more likely to get up and walk away grinning.
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That was the junk in his head. He'd fail to catch her mood. When
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he realised he was always contrite. Somehow she'd managed to break
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through the assassin training and cyber-wear in Darkstar's head. He did
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actually love her.
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The monumental achievement of cutting into the heart of that very
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dark elf was, Angel occasionally admitted to herself, more than half
|
|
Darkstar's attraction. He'd do things she wouldn't even dream about.
|
|
He'd blow people away without a second's thought. Of course he was
|
|
never a casual killer. Good contracts only, beautifully planned and
|
|
enjoyed to the last second, impossible for Angel to comprehend. He
|
|
possessed a darkness she was incapable of and both of them were
|
|
strangely attracted to the other. Between them they might make one
|
|
balanced person, the mage and the cyborg-killer.
|
|
Angel had lived with Darkstar for just over a year. They'd been
|
|
together longer than that, but some time during their relationship she'd
|
|
moved in and stopped going home to her cramped, downtown flat. Darkstar
|
|
had plenty of space and he found having a mage nearby useful. Angel
|
|
loved his flat, loved the money he thoughtless spent and loved the quiet
|
|
evenings when the killer read at home, books about god only knew what,
|
|
and she'd snuggle up next to him, just enjoying his warm presence and
|
|
the weight of the arm that was thrown carelessly over her.
|
|
Of course there were bad times too. She'd learnt early not to rile
|
|
him. When really pushed Darkstar's instinct was to kill. He loved
|
|
Angel so he only hit her and walked out. It hurt inside more than the
|
|
bruises. But she learnt to watch for the mood swings his cyberwear
|
|
spawned. Perhaps the only reason she hadn't left when he first hit her
|
|
was what he had said the next day. She'd come up behind him and hugged
|
|
him, half expecting to be thrown off and he'd swung her round and kissed
|
|
her.
|
|
"I thought you'd be angry with me for disturbing you," she'd said
|
|
half wary, half delighted.
|
|
He smiled down at her, love in his black eyes and said, "Hugs,
|
|
Angel, are always welcome."
|
|
It was such a ridiculous thing for him to say, but he'd meant it.
|
|
Faithfulness was never part of their arrangement. On contract he
|
|
was often way for weeks, even months at a time and obviously she never
|
|
knew where he was and when he'd be back. He was arrogantly handsome and
|
|
Angel was sure there must be other women in his life, although they
|
|
would undoubtedly be less attractive than her. So she'd asked him about
|
|
lovers. He said he didn't care who she slept with as long as she kept
|
|
it quiet and he neither looked a fool nor heard about it, which made
|
|
Sean a bit difficult.
|
|
The first time she'd slept with Sean, well seduced him, was the
|
|
time he turned up at the flat looking for Darkstar. He was a stunning
|
|
blonde elf, although next to Darkstar he looked only mediocre, and he
|
|
had a warm smile. She'd liked him at once. Darkstar was away on
|
|
another of his trips and was by any reckoning way overdue. And Sean was
|
|
well, available. And he was good. She'd almost died when Darkstar had
|
|
casually mentioned the concealed vids in the flat. He'd grinned at her
|
|
and assured her there were none in the bedroom so he must have guessed.
|
|
He didn't seem at all bothered, but it wasn't until Sean paid her off
|
|
for a run she and some friends had done separately that a watching
|
|
Darkstar had mentioned this guy from the Elven Embassy was one of his
|
|
best friends.
|
|
She'd told him then and he'd asked her puzzled, why she'd want to
|
|
sleep with an accountant. It wasn't until much later she found out this
|
|
was a long standing joke between them. Sean's ability to follow money
|
|
transactions through the net without a deck was uncanny. He and
|
|
Darkstar had grown up together and shared a mysterious past that neither
|
|
would talk about despite Angel's prodding. Once Sean had evilly told
|
|
her that in the past he and Darkstar used to share women.
|
|
Since the attack that had crippled Darkstar, she and Sean had
|
|
become close, very close. Sean said sleepily once that of course he had
|
|
to look after her for Darkstar. He also told her that he did care very
|
|
much. He didn't have a steady girlfriend. He didn't want any ties, but
|
|
Angel was beginning to suspect that she came close. Sean didn't even
|
|
think of her as human any more and he was a great one for elves are the
|
|
next stage of evolution speeches. She didn't know how Darkstar would
|
|
react to their closeness. Sean suggested they could always share.
|
|
Angel bit him and snarled she didn't want to become one of their
|
|
toys.
|
|
"Oh, that was when we were young," Sean said stroking her hair,
|
|
"Its different now".
|
|
And Angel was suddenly and bitterly reminded that both of them were
|
|
in their mid forties. She was beautiful and 26. Sean and Darkstar
|
|
would pass for being in their mid twenties for at least the next 20
|
|
years and possibly much longer. If it wasn't for them she wouldn't mind
|
|
growing old. Sean didn't understand her fears. Live for today, he
|
|
would say. You live a dangerous life, Angel, so does Darkstar. And
|
|
then they would both disappear for months and fail to understand why she
|
|
was so unhappy; they had all the time in the world.
|
|
The night before they flew out. Angel let herself into Sean's
|
|
flat. He wasn't there. She crawled into the large, circular green bed,
|
|
Sean's only visible extravagance apart from his two ornamental swords
|
|
and waited for him. She woke up early and alone. He turned up just as
|
|
they were boarding the private jet, roses in hand and kissed her softly and
|
|
deeply in front of a mildly boggled Solo. (It took a lot to boggle
|
|
cyborg-Solo). It was clear that he would have no idea why she could be
|
|
upset about his absence last night. She didn't mention it. Maybe he
|
|
was trying to enforce the idea of no ties. No ties, but to his elven
|
|
brother. They both said they weren't related, but they were closer than
|
|
any real brothers she knew. Close in that strange, distant, elven way.
|
|
So Sean had kissed Darkstar's Lady, seen her on the plane, made sure she
|
|
was safe and promised to join them at some stage in the tour, whenever
|
|
his work allowed.
|
|
Angel sat on her third ever orbital flight, ignoring the stars,
|
|
thinking of Darkstar lying in the meditank, thinking of Sean and crying.
|
|
The acts pretended not to notice. She was their boss.
|
|
Darkstar was a very good assassin, who made a lot of money.
|
|
Everyone knew what he did, none of them could prove it and none of them
|
|
dared say it, but money was one way the feds might get him, so he needed
|
|
a money sink. A casual, unthinking comment from Angel, a trip to a
|
|
local concert and Darkstar set up his own music company, stage,
|
|
recordings, the lot. Of course he was too busy to run it and he needed
|
|
someone he could trust, at least a little. So Angel, who was studying
|
|
hard to become a decent mage and doing a little running on the side to
|
|
earn some cash, suddenly found herself managing director of a company.
|
|
It hadn't been as hard as she'd thought. Angel was smart, very smart.
|
|
She also had a good voice and an ear for music. And she was beautiful and
|
|
really quite a nice person. Charm, quick thinking and a battery of good
|
|
friends had built the backbone of the company. Darkstar suddenly found
|
|
that Transative Nightfall was making money. He was surprised and proud.
|
|
He spent more money, started talking of a corp and retiring. Shortly
|
|
after he did, or so he claimed, and everything was going really well,
|
|
Angel and friends screwed up royally.
|
|
Angel had begun to suspect that Darkstar wasn't retiring
|
|
permanently so much as taking a break and saving the money to get his
|
|
cyberwear removed. He was on the edge of psychosis and it had just sunk
|
|
in that this was not the way he wanted to remain .. forever. The
|
|
thought of an unaffected Darkstar made Angel's heart sing. If he loved
|
|
this much now, what would happen when he was back to normal?
|
|
It was when she was dreaming of this that a corp had contacted her
|
|
and the others, claimed they knew about the Sony job they'd pulled,
|
|
which put the lot of them on a major hit list and offered them more
|
|
money than they thought possible for a small, but very tough job.
|
|
Ignoring Darkstar's advice Angel and the others had gone for it. The
|
|
elf had been right. It was a set-up. A set up by Sony. By Sony and by
|
|
Boeing.
|
|
They were captured and given very few options. Angel either had to
|
|
work on a project that involved her killing other mages for research,
|
|
get Darkstar to buy her back or die. She had been prepared to take the
|
|
last option, but Tye managed to buy his way out with two
|
|
phone-credit transfers and went running to Darkstar. He came back with
|
|
all the money that Transative had made and a remit to get all Darkstar's
|
|
people out. Sony and Boeing said it was short by a million. Darkstar
|
|
phoned in a hour, when Tye hadn't phoned to say it was all clear, and
|
|
threatened the Boeing headman. He was a very important and powerful
|
|
Oriental so it had to be a big threat. To get Angel back, Darkstar told
|
|
him something no-one knew. He said simply, in Japanese, "I am Ninja."
|
|
named his clan and asked if the Boeing man would like to talk to his
|
|
wife now. It had been enough.
|
|
Enough to get them released, although not to get the money back,
|
|
and enough for Boeing to hire a rival gang to try and kill Darkstar.
|
|
They almost succeeded, which was why Darkstar was in bits in hospital
|
|
and Angel was flying to America, desperately trying to raise money so
|
|
they would fix him and not turn the tank off. They'd almost got enough,
|
|
but Angel had to get money back to Sean so he could replenish the
|
|
missing chunk from Boeing's coffers. The only good thing to come out of
|
|
the whole nightmare was that in healing Darkstar they'd had to take out
|
|
all the cyberwear, which had been shot to pieces.
|
|
Angel had killed one of the ninja herself. Darkstar should have
|
|
been able to take them both, but they'd been very unlucky and Darkstar
|
|
had been unusually overconfident. There were a whole string of what
|
|
ifs, that shouldn't have happened, and had. Solo and Darkstar had been
|
|
practicing downstairs in the dojo, under the main hall and above the
|
|
heating ducts. They were both tired, unamoured and confident that
|
|
no-one was going to work their way in underground after Darkstar had
|
|
liberally laced the ducts with mono-wire. But the ninja had been lucky.
|
|
They errupted through the floor. Their first action was to fire an
|
|
awful lot of needles into Darkstar and for the mage-ninja to destroy
|
|
Darkstar's gun. They'd both put up one hell of a fight. The security
|
|
camera had videoed the lot, which is why Angel had got there in time to
|
|
blow the mage-ninja away with a lazer carbine and to see Darkstar die.
|
|
She'd tried to catch him, but it was beyond her skill.
|
|
Both she and the elf paid a lot of money to have a medical team on
|
|
call, a very good team. They'd re-sussed Darkstar, shredded as he was.
|
|
Angel would never forget his aura as they carted him away. It didn't
|
|
even look elven let alone like Darkstar. And now she was going to share
|
|
the entire experience with the world. The video was forming the
|
|
backdrop to their worldwide tour. She'd called it Fallen Heaven.
|
|
The tour had been Sean's idea. He reckoned it was their best way
|
|
of raising money, short of selling the business, which wasn't quite
|
|
worth the money she needed. Besides selling Transative meant that they
|
|
would have lost everything. The homes of all major staff, including
|
|
Darkstar, had been demolished by Boeing's operatives. Angel had
|
|
expected that. She'd rescued all she thought Darkstar would want from
|
|
the flat two days before it went up, including his hash store. The last
|
|
few weeks had been spent building the company's profile, getting air
|
|
time for interviews and releasing albums. The next few weeks would tell
|
|
if she'd got it right. She rather hoped the increased media-profile of
|
|
Transative had stopped Boeing from taking further action. Sean thought
|
|
their next move would be to send in a corp army team. It hadn't
|
|
happened, yet.
|
|
Inside a few hours they landed in America, Angel sick with
|
|
apprehension, the dwarf band stoned out of their heads and Solo eager to
|
|
get them all out and safe. The first day was spent at the Hotel Angora,
|
|
where the bands were under strict orders not too get to out of their
|
|
heads. Angel went down to the venue, well Stadium, with Bytor, the elf
|
|
flutist-mage and Lee Apollo the soloist-mage. Between them they
|
|
concocted a special on stage ward, transparent, but impenetrable by
|
|
bullets and spells. Angel wasn't taking any chances.
|
|
That evening she made a local phone call.
|
|
"Master Altara's residence," said the voice of a very English
|
|
Butler.
|
|
"Er, hi. Its Angel. I said I'd call Altara when we were in town
|
|
with the show." She resisted the impulse to call him Master Altara. He
|
|
wasn't hers, but the voice was very compelling.
|
|
"Ah, yes, Miss Angel. The Master is at home today. I'll see if he
|
|
is available."
|
|
There was a pause and then a pleasant, only slightly accented voice
|
|
came down the line.
|
|
"Angel, how are you? So you made the tour. Is this an invitation
|
|
or are you thinking of the little job we were discussing before."
|
|
The little job was another of those ones that offered more money
|
|
than Angel had dreamed of. It worried her.
|
|
"I'm fine Altara. As far the job goes, I'd like to talk to you
|
|
about it, preferably the day after the concert. But yes, I would be
|
|
delighted if you would be my guest tomorrow night."
|
|
"Tomorrow night, hmm. I am a little busy."
|
|
Angel paused. She wasn't going to beg, even if this was one of the
|
|
grossest initates she had ever meant- and even if he was a very, very
|
|
cute elf. What is it I have about pointies? She wondered silently.
|
|
"But I suppose seeing as this is an fairly unique event I
|
|
could.... Yes, Angel I would be delighted.. although I'd prefer to
|
|
arrive after er Strombringer's set."
|
|
"Actually they're playing twice, Altara, but I'm sure you could
|
|
always retire to the hospitality suite when they're one. Dinner,
|
|
perhaps? What would you like me to lay on?"
|
|
"I'm sure you know my tastes, Angel. Send a car for me an hour
|
|
before the performance to the Wall Street Club in 234th Street. I'll
|
|
make my own arrangements for travel home."
|
|
"Sure.."
|
|
"Good, I'll see you tomorrow." Click.
|
|
Hell, knew his tastes. The only time she'd ever seen him was at
|
|
the Mile High in Seattle, when she'd impulsively sent her card over.
|
|
She was going to have to get them to fly food over. It would cost a
|
|
fortune, but she had a feeling it could be very useful to be in Altara's
|
|
good books. She'd sent him one of the original tapes of his favourite
|
|
band, Unicorn Death, the atonal group and he'd sent her a diamond, by
|
|
return post. The tape had been less than valuable. Unicorn Death
|
|
had a very small following, although countless people, including
|
|
Darkstar, had assured her they were very good at what they did. She
|
|
loathed their latest album. She'd been able to take a full ten minutes
|
|
before she felt sick so it should sell well.
|
|
The night of the concert arrived, despite the whole company's
|
|
belief it couldn't really happen and they found themselves back stage
|
|
with five thousand people, including some of the world's top music
|
|
critics waiting out front. Angel begun to wish she hadn't insisted in
|
|
singing too. Altara was in his box, she'd see him later. Oh gods of
|
|
the earth and air, she prayed, here goes.
|
|
The lights went down, a single spot fell on Bytor, centre stage a
|
|
silver flute in his left hand. A tall, brown haired elf, dressed in a
|
|
soft green tunic, earth coloured boots and leggings, looking small and
|
|
vunerable on the vast expanse of white stage and then he begun to play.
|
|
The flute's rippling voice soared high and clear across the vast
|
|
auditorium, it was the saddest sound imaginable. The tune snatched at
|
|
eyes and the back of your throat. It squeezed your heart gently until
|
|
tears fell from your eyes. It was a song to make the sky weep. Even
|
|
the members of Transative, who knew Bytor worked his magic with music,
|
|
were awed.
|
|
The spot on Bytor grew dimmer, until all you could see was his face
|
|
and the flute. The soundtrack whispered into action. The soft sad
|
|
tones of a woman's voice sank these words slowing into the listening
|
|
minds:
|
|
|
|
The Fall of Heaven is over
|
|
It happened not long ago
|
|
When angels and demons fought
|
|
And Heaven fell.
|
|
|
|
When brave blood spoiled the battlefield
|
|
And hearts love died
|
|
But still in the graveyard of despair
|
|
We remember what has gone before.
|
|
|
|
Dazzling light, all the colours of the rainbow, danced across the
|
|
stage. Bytor vanished and Storm Bringer was there. Three dwarfs loud
|
|
raucous, filled with energy, revving guitars like motorbikes exploded
|
|
into song. At least half the crowd roared. The back screen was
|
|
playing. It showed a truck trundling down towards a well armoured
|
|
bridge, the Forth Road Bridge. It showed frantic preparations by the
|
|
National Guard, on the wrong side.
|
|
|
|
When Heaven falls to Satan's thralls
|
|
The days before shall see the end of men
|
|
Who plot and scheme against us all
|
|
The small people of the world
|
|
The ones they thought they could conquor easily
|
|
But oh-oh-oh it is not so
|
|
But oh-oh-oh it is not so
|
|
|
|
The Bridge on the screen vanished in a minor nuclear explosion. (I
|
|
knew that was a good idea, thought Angel backstage. Darkstar didn't
|
|
want me to trust him, but that bridge was dying to go.)
|
|
|
|
Salute the Highlander
|
|
Leader of his Nation
|
|
Who would not see his country's enslavement
|
|
|
|
(The screen flashed mockups of a Highlander, who'd never existed.
|
|
Angel had been afraid elsewise they might think Storm Bringer meant
|
|
Darkstar. The audience were slightly confused. Not reading their
|
|
bloody programmes, moaned Lee. It'll make sense as we go on, murmured
|
|
Angel. Half of them don't even know about the Highlands resistance,
|
|
snarled Bytor, stupid pig ignorant, stuck-up... Oh stow it, chorused
|
|
Angel and Solo together.)
|
|
The music roared on. The fans cheered. The lyrics became
|
|
hopelessly entangeled unless you were a SB fan, but the beat and the
|
|
continual footage of the mini-mushroom kept the crowd going. Then the
|
|
dwarves launched into a series of tracks off their latest album with a
|
|
few old favourites like Suck it and See, Why don't you, Suck it and See,
|
|
thrown in for good measure. Angel prayed Altara was somewhere quiet
|
|
sipping champagne or stuffing his face on that incredibly expensive
|
|
food.
|
|
The set ended in a violent explosion on stage. Angel had spent two
|
|
weeks persuading the dwarves, no they couldn't have a real nuke, not at
|
|
the start of the show. As it was Solo had had to personally remove six
|
|
extra parcels of explosives the dwarves had tried to add- just ter make
|
|
it more real-like, yer know. The last from Anvil's metal cod-piece.
|
|
They were really, really stoned, said Solo in tones of reluctant
|
|
appreciation.
|
|
Gem, only survivor of Gemini, took the stage with a back-up band.
|
|
His female partner had been assassinated at Transative by a crazy
|
|
Unicorn Death fan. That was shortly before someone planted a mini-nuke
|
|
in their main hall and Angel had defused it. Angel giggled quietly to
|
|
herself. What a life. What a lot of nukes.
|
|
Gem sang of the loss of his partner, of the decaying of Edinburgh,
|
|
of the black zones no-one in their right mind would enter, of the
|
|
vampires sighted in the streets, of the toxic spirits of the city..
|
|
|
|
In the Days before Heaven fell
|
|
The Evil stalked the earth
|
|
And the best of us fell
|
|
The best of us fell
|
|
|
|
His guitar screamed bloody tears and the backdrop flashed pictures
|
|
of the dying girl, of the black zones, of street battles and could that
|
|
be an aeroplane or two with Boeing logo? Almost two thirds of the crowd
|
|
were on their feet, swaying, caught up in the battle. Mandoline Jane
|
|
came next. The famous Mandoline Jane they'd stolen from EMI. She still
|
|
didn't know it was Darkstar, who'd taken EMI's contract on her
|
|
boyfriend, shortly before she left the major corp. Angel thought she
|
|
probably wouldn't care now. EMI had kept her so hooked on drugs, she
|
|
hardly known who she was off stage.
|
|
Jane sang of the days when Heaven reigned. The screen showed
|
|
footage of the early days of Transavite, of Darkstar, of Angel, of the
|
|
bands, laughing and happy. She sung sunlight, friendship, hope and
|
|
love.
|
|
|
|
The Brave days of heaven
|
|
The Brave days of fortune
|
|
Friendship and Love
|
|
|
|
She was good, so good. The crowd warmed to the characters on film,
|
|
screamed when they saw their favourite bands and slowly through
|
|
Mandoline Jane's music came to like, sympathise with the whole corp. It
|
|
was the longest set of the night.
|
|
Jane left. The Stage was empty and in silence the screen played
|
|
the ninja errupting through the floor of the dojo. Darkstar and Solo
|
|
startled, seeming defenseless, tired and sweating. And Angel appeared
|
|
stage centre. She sung, quiet simply, of her love for Darkstar. Behind
|
|
her the screen showed him flipping through the air, fighting like a
|
|
whirlwind then Darkstar being shot down, again and again. The audience
|
|
were silent, some in tears. The mages among them awed. As she sung
|
|
Angel manifested her aura for them. It surrounded her. It was almost
|
|
her image, the face and figure only slightly different as all auras are,
|
|
but what caught their attention was the wings. Angel appeared as an
|
|
Angel. The mundanes thought it was a stage effect, a potent one, but a
|
|
stage effect. The mages knew that this was no initiate skill, Angel was
|
|
too dim magically for that, this was real. An Angel was singing to
|
|
them. Up in his box Altara blinked, then smiled very slowly. He
|
|
appreciated the show.
|
|
Angel left the stage as Unicorn Death began. They moved slowly
|
|
across the stage playing seemingly unconnected notes, the atonal music
|
|
Angel hated. The screen showed Darkstar fall several times, then
|
|
changed to the panicking in the security station to the chaos of the
|
|
complex and then to the chaos of the average day in the city streets.
|
|
Mindless violence, stupid accidents, decaying buildings, children crying
|
|
and men in grey suits going about their work mixed with the non-melody
|
|
of the band.
|
|
It had been the part Angel was most worried about. Unicorn Death
|
|
was not incredibly popular. But using them to show the breakdown of
|
|
everything, including obviously Transative, was perfect. Nonsense music
|
|
for a nonsense world, both complementing the other. The fans loved it
|
|
and even the Storm Bringer groupies were swaying to an imaginary beat.
|
|
Blind Lee Apollo walked on stage to the final strains of Unicorn
|
|
Death. The screen showed Darkstar fallen, then Angel, and others
|
|
sprinting down to the room. His voice was quiet at first..
|
|
|
|
"See the fallen
|
|
Feel the despair
|
|
And know that whatever this world takes from you
|
|
It only gets what you give
|
|
It only gets what you give"
|
|
|
|
Lee went into a building instrumental. Angel wasted the Ninja on
|
|
screen. Another Ninja got his head blown off by a security sergeant.
|
|
The medics came in and Darkstar vanished into a hovership and into the
|
|
night sky. Lee sang louder
|
|
|
|
"See the fallen
|
|
Feel the despair
|
|
And know whatever this world takes from you
|
|
It only gets what you give
|
|
It only gets what you give
|
|
FIGHT"
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|
|
|
Ninja died again on cue.
|
|
|
|
F-I-G-H-T screamed Lee.
|
|
|
|
And his voice was joined by Storm Bringer, Mandoline Jane, Angel,
|
|
Bytor, Gem and Unicorn Death.
|
|
All of them on stage. Exploding clouds of lights, thunder and
|
|
lightening rolled across the stage as Transative with one voice shouted
|
|
their defiance.
|
|
|
|
"It only gets what you give
|
|
Heaven Fell
|
|
But now no reign of Hell
|
|
For you, for me
|
|
The people small
|
|
We stand against the greatest of them all
|
|
|
|
Believe in you
|
|
Thats all you've got
|
|
Don't let them bring you down
|
|
Trample the odds."
|
|
|
|
Storm Bringer's raw violence, Mandoline Jane's voice of hope, the
|
|
Angel, Bytor the pacifist, Gem bereaved, Lee blind but brave, Unicorn
|
|
reeking chaos; the crowd didn't stand a chance. All of them were on
|
|
their feet, even the critics screaming for more. The show had lasted
|
|
two hours without an interval and no-one had left the auditorium.
|
|
The bands in turn did a set of their own songs, off their latest
|
|
albums. On the screen pictures of whirling heavens, images on defiance,
|
|
cascaded through the songs. All of them stayed on stage and finally
|
|
sang "Don't let them bring you down" once more, adding the final
|
|
triumphant line "Heaven lives."
|
|
Backstage none of them could believe what they had done. "Wow,"
|
|
said Solo, "that was good. I mean really good."
|
|
"Yeah," said Axil looking very confused, "Bet'er than drugs 'n'
|
|
sex." He seemed very disturbed.
|
|
Mandoline Jane couldn't stop grinning. Unicorn Death were suitably
|
|
cool in their silver grey trench coats. Gem was crying, presumably for
|
|
Ini. Lee and Bytor were both higher than kites. As the group moved off
|
|
to the backstage party Angel suddenly remembered Altara.
|
|
He was waiting in his box. "Well done, Angel!" he said with heavy
|
|
emphasis on the final word. Of course she invited him to the party. He
|
|
declined gracefully. She couldn't imagine him there. Altara was
|
|
paralyzed from the neck down. He floated, ate, moved with the sheer
|
|
force of his mind alone. It was unlikely he'd let down any of his
|
|
defences among strangers. Without magic he would be helpless. Angel
|
|
wanted to ask him what had happened, but his dignity as well as his
|
|
incredible power kept her quiet.
|
|
"But you will have breakfast with me, won't you?"
|
|
Angel smiled and nodded.
|
|
"I'll send a car then. About nine am? Unless of course you'd
|
|
prefer to come back now."
|
|
It was said with a slight smile and it floored Angel. He can't
|
|
mean, can he, but he's, how, I... unfinshed sentences chased across her
|
|
mind pursued by the fox of Altara's smile.
|
|
He grinned at her confusion. "Tomorrow then. I'll look forward to
|
|
it." Her arm moved unbidden towards him and he inclined his neck to kiss
|
|
her hand. For once in her life Angel didn't say a word. Altara floated
|
|
out.
|
|
Alone Angel managed to eventually close her mouth. She thumped a
|
|
cushion.
|
|
"Pointies!" she growled.
|
|
"What?" asked Solo materialising in the doorway.
|
|
"Oh, just moaning," answered Angel, "Not going to the party?"
|
|
"Of course I'm going to the frigging party. Who'der yer thinks
|
|
running the F-ing security?"
|
|
Angel grinned. "Tough life, ain't it?" she said.
|
|
"No," said Solo unexpectedly, "I came up to tell you we've just
|
|
taken over 6 million in ticket sales down the credit lines since the
|
|
show closed and every critic in America is raving about us."
|
|
"S-s-s-six?"
|
|
Solo nodded and passed Angel a phone. She called Japan at once and
|
|
paid off the rest of Darkstar's bill.
|
|
"Party time," she said brightly, ushering Solo out.
|
|
"For some," muttered Solo darkly.
|
|
Angel sauntered off her head in the clouds. She wished Sean was
|
|
here in share in this, but he should join them before the final leg in
|
|
Japan. Or maybe he'd just be elf again and not turn up. She walked
|
|
into the party to be greeted by cheers.
|
|
Angel was for once doing Sean a great injustice. Nothing short of
|
|
an Imperial Order from the Elven Prince of Ireland would keep him away
|
|
from Japan. Although he'd tried to dismiss the thought he knew Darkstar
|
|
very well and he knew that the assassin's reaction to the trauma of
|
|
having all his cyberwear out, might mean he wanted to be alone for a
|
|
while. And a while for Darkstar meant about seven years, if you were
|
|
lucky. Sean knew he had to be there, for which ever one of them needed
|
|
him- only he had this horrible feeling they both would.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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|
ÍËÍ ÉÍÍ» Ë ÉÍ ËÍÍ» ÉÍÍ» ËÍÍ» ÉÍÍ» ËÍÍ» ÉÍËÍ» Í»
|
|
º º º ÌÍÊ» ÌÍ ÈÍÍ» ÌÍͼ ÌÍ͹ ÌÍ˼ º º
|
|
Èͼ ÈÍͼ Ê Ê ÊÍͼ ÈÍͼ Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÍ Ê ÍÊÍ
|
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|
|
Title: Blonde Jokes
|
|
Name: >Unknown<
|
|
Date: Thur July 02 04:41:28 1992
|
|
From: Blitzkrieg Bbs (Louisville, Kentucky)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How's a blonde like a screen door?
|
|
The harder you slam them the looser they get.
|
|
|
|
|
|
How's a blonde like a turtle?
|
|
When they're both on their backs they're screwed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
What is the first thing a blonde says after having sex?
|
|
Are you guys all on the same team?
|
|
|
|
|
|
How is a blonde like a 747?
|
|
They both have little black boxes.
|
|
|
|
How is a blonde different from a 747?
|
|
Not everyone's been in a 747.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Title: More Blonde Jokes (I know, they're getting old)
|
|
Name: >Unknown<
|
|
Date: Thur July 02 12:43:44 1992
|
|
From: Blitzkrieg Bbs (Louisville, Kentucky)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Why do blondes were pony tails?
|
|
To hide the valve stems.
|
|
|
|
How do you drown a blonde?
|
|
Anchor a mirror to the bottom of the pool.
|
|
|
|
What did the blonde say when her date blew in her ear?
|
|
Thanks for the refill.
|
|
|
|
Title: >Magic Johnson<
|
|
Name: Predat0r
|
|
Date: Sun June 24 19:35:17 1992
|
|
From: Axis East (Berlin, Germany)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What do Magic Johnson and Len Bias have in common?
|
|
A: They both got into some bad crack.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What did Magic Johnson's wife say to him after the first time they
|
|
made love?
|
|
A: You're no Wilt Chamberlain.
|
|
|
|
My mom said this the other day:
|
|
"You know, there's somebody in town that has Alzheimer's... but
|
|
I can't remember who it is."
|
|
|
|
What's the best way to accelerate a Macintosh?
|
|
At 9.8 meters per second squared
|
|
|
|
"Personal" ad in local paper: David G. Contact me soon! Bring three rings:
|
|
Engagement, wedding and teething. Have news. Debbie.
|
|
|
|
Heard on the CB while driving entering Ohio on Memorial Day:
|
|
"Welcome to Ohio State Park. Don't stop to feed the bears. If they get
|
|
hungry they will stop you."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heard on Paul Harvey News on 6/20/91:
|
|
George Bush is jogging again. He has to. Sununu has the car.
|
|
|
|
Do you know what you call a beat-up Ragged Andy doll lying face down
|
|
in a pile of rocks?
|
|
|
|
A Dirty Cotton Rock Sucker.
|
|
|
|
|
|
What is it that you need to go skiing in Colorado, hunting in Wyoming, and
|
|
voting in Louisiana?
|
|
A Hood.
|
|
|
|
"Keep the pointy end forward and the dirty side down."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Title: Poor Magic...
|
|
Name: Predat0r
|
|
Date: Fri June 26 09:52:53 1992
|
|
From: Axis West (Southern California)
|
|
|
|
TOP 10 THINGS MAGIC JOHNSON DOES IN HIS NEWFOUND FREE TIME!!!
|
|
|
|
1. Watch videotapes of the Rock Hudson Funeral.
|
|
2. Send the kids out on porno runs.
|
|
3. Play practical jokes on people at conventions by scratching them.
|
|
4. Getting to know his hand a little better.
|
|
5. Finding best Mortuary bids...
|
|
6. Putting "AIDS patients are humans, too" stickers on his car.
|
|
7. Yelling out "Celtics suck" at home games, and meaning it!!!
|
|
8. Writing revenge threats to each of the women he's been with.
|
|
9. VASELINE! VASELINE! VASELINE!
|
|
10. Donating blood to unsuspecting Hospitals...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Top Ten Reasons How Magic Johnson Got AIDS
|
|
|
|
10. He Ran out of Gerbils.
|
|
9. Should have used soap on a rope while in team showers.
|
|
8. Visited Anita Hill during Thomas hearings.
|
|
7. Got TOO Close to the Kids at the YMCA.
|
|
6. Played with MORE than just Liberace's piano.
|
|
5. Petted the monkeys at the zoo too hard.
|
|
4. It was a flesh-flavored popsicle, REALLY!!
|
|
3. Rump Bumped Worthy out of Boredom at a Hornets game during half-time
|
|
2. Exotic fling with folk-singer Phranc.
|
|
1. He Was Only PUSHING that Goat through the fence. Honest!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call an Ethiopean with braces?
|
|
A: A rake.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call an Ethiopean with a mohawk?
|
|
A: A broom.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call an Ethiopean holding a feather?
|
|
A: A dart.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call an Ethiopean with a swollen toe?
|
|
A: A golf club.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call an Ethiopean with a flat head?
|
|
A: A nail.
|
|
|
|
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
|
|
A: You can unscrew a light bulb
|
|
|
|
Q: What's a circle of blondes called?
|
|
A: A DOPE ring
|
|
|
|
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
|
|
A: She drowns it!
|
|
|
|
hahahhahaha
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a lawn mower and a saxophone?
|
|
A: Vibrato
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
|
|
A: He can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.
|
|
|
|
Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light-bulb?
|
|
A: Sixty. One to change the bulb and fifty-nine to talk about how much better
|
|
Michael Brecker would have done it.
|
|
|
|
Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?
|
|
A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say "Not bad, but I
|
|
could've done better."
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you make a lead guitarist slow down?
|
|
A: Put some sheet music in front of him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q. What do you call to get 100 Iraqis to leave a bingo game?
|
|
A. "B-52!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q. What do you call ten blondes in a straight line?
|
|
A. An airline.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q. How can you tell the difference between a brunette prostitute and a blonde
|
|
prostitute with her sister?
|
|
A. Regular price-four bucks-four bucks.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Sex Laws
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Law on Sex:
|
|
|
|
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to
|
|
leave her with no hard feelings.
|
|
2. Nothing improves with age.
|
|
3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it,
|
|
because it'll never be quite the same again.
|
|
4. Sex has no calories.
|
|
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of
|
|
trouble.
|
|
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
|
|
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've
|
|
got.
|
|
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
|
|
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get
|
|
or how long it is going to last.
|
|
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
|
|
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
|
|
12. Virginity can be cured.
|
|
13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops
|
|
listening to him.
|
|
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
|
|
15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the
|
|
same ones she can't stand years later.
|
|
16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
|
|
17. It is always the wrong time of month.
|
|
18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
|
|
19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
|
|
20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you
|
|
won't either.
|
|
21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop
|
|
failure.
|
|
22. The younger the better.
|
|
23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
|
|
24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that
|
|
caused the trouble in the garden.
|
|
25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
|
|
27. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of
|
|
frogs.
|
|
28. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than
|
|
sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
|
|
29. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
|
|
30. Love is a hole in the heart.
|
|
31. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone
|
|
into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the
|
|
moon.
|
|
32. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
|
|
33. Do it only with the best.
|
|
34. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned
|
|
four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
|
|
35. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
|
|
36. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
|
|
37. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
|
|
38. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
|
|
39. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
|
|
40. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
|
|
41. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
|
|
42. Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
|
|
43. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women
|
|
he couldn't.
|
|
44. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the
|
|
stick.
|
|
45. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
|
|
46. Never say no.
|
|
47. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
|
|
48. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
|
|
49. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
|
|
50. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
|
|
51. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
|
|
52. Love comes in spurts.
|
|
53. Love does not revolve on an axis.
|
|
54. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight
|
|
are unimportant.
|
|
55. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
|
|
56. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
|
|
57. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall
|
|
in love.
|
|
58. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
|
|
59. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Name: >Unknown<
|
|
Title: 3 Sorority Girls
|
|
Date: Thu Nov 28 11:27:17 1991
|
|
From: Blitzkrieg Bbs (Louisville, Kentucky)
|
|
|
|
Three girls from the Zeta Tau Alph sorority decided to all go in and get a
|
|
pap smear done at the same time. So they all go to the doctor's office and
|
|
have a seat in the waiting room. The first girl is then called into an exam
|
|
room by the doctor and told to take off her shirt, where upon the doctor
|
|
notices a 'Y' shaped rash between her breasts. So the doctor asks "What's
|
|
that?" and the first girl is replies, "Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale and
|
|
insists on making love to me while wearing his lettermans sweater, and it
|
|
gives me a rash." So the doctor gives here a jar of ointement to put on the
|
|
rash and tells her to send in the second girl.
|
|
So the second girl enters the exam room and takes off her shirt where upon
|
|
the doctor notices she has an 'H' shaped rash between her breasts. So the
|
|
doctor asks "What's that?" and the second girl replies, "Oh, my boyfriend goes
|
|
to Harvard and insists on making love to me while wearing his lettermans
|
|
sweater, and it gives me a rash." So the doctor gives her a jar of ointement
|
|
to put on the rash and tells her to call in the third girl.
|
|
So the third girl enters the exam room and takes off her shirt where upon
|
|
the doctor notices she has an 'M' shaped rash between her breasts. So the
|
|
doctor says, "Oh, I know what this is. Your boyfriend goes to Michigan State
|
|
and he insists on making love to you while wearing his letterman's sweater,
|
|
right?" and the third girl replies, "No, but my girlfriend goes to Washington
|
|
State!"
|
|
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
|
|
Blitzkrieg Bbs 502/499-8933 NUP : Columbian Coke
|
|
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Title: Just for USC fans...
|
|
Name: Predat0r
|
|
Date: Wed July 01 20:59:32 1992
|
|
From: Skeleton Society Bbs (Dallas, Texas)
|
|
|
|
LIST OF USC SORORITY GIRL JOKES
|
|
|
|
Q: What does a USC Sorority girl put behind her ears to make her more
|
|
attractive?
|
|
A: Her ankles.
|
|
|
|
Q: What is the difference between a USC Sorority girl and a bowling
|
|
ball?
|
|
A1: You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.
|
|
A2: You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
|
|
|
|
Q: How are a USC Sorority girl and a bowling ball alike?
|
|
A: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw
|
|
them in the gutter and they always come back for more.
|
|
|
|
Q: What is the difference between a USC Sorority girl and an
|
|
elephant?
|
|
A: About 40 lbs.
|
|
Q: How do you equalize the two?
|
|
A: Feed the elephant.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the first thing a USC Sorority girl does in the morning?
|
|
A1: Introduce herself.
|
|
A2: Walks home.
|
|
A3: Asks, "Are all you guys on the football team?"
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a USC Sorority girl and the Titanic?
|
|
A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
|
|
|
|
Q: How can you tell if a USC Sorority girl has achieved orgasm?
|
|
A: She drops her nail file.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's a USC Sorority girl's favorite wine?
|
|
A1: "Daaadddy, I want to go to Mi-ammmmi."
|
|
A2: "Daaadddy, I want a new Porsche for Christmas!"
|
|
A3: "Daaadddy, I need more money to buy clothes for school."
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you get when you cross a USC Sorority girl with an ape?
|
|
A: Don't know. There is only so much an ape can be forced to
|
|
do...
|
|
|
|
Q: Why is a USC Sorority girl like...
|
|
|
|
A door knob? Everyone gets a turn...
|
|
An ice-cream bar? Everyone gets a lick...
|
|
McDonalds? Over 1 billion served...
|
|
A Cake? Everyone gets a piece...
|
|
A Toyota? I love what she did 4 me...
|
|
An Energizer? She keeps going & going...
|
|
A Lottery Ticket? All she needs is a dollar and a dream...
|
|
A Television? A 2 yr. old can turn her on...
|
|
A Dog? She's always in heat...
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you get a USC Sorority girl in your bed?
|
|
A: Grease her hips so she'll fit through the door and throw a
|
|
twinkie on the bed.
|
|
|
|
Q: Did you hear about the new USC Sorority girl doll?
|
|
A: You put a ring on her finger and her hips expand.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between USC Sorority girls and garbage?
|
|
A: Garbage gets taken out once a week.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call 100 USC Sorority girls sun-bathing on a beach in
|
|
Cuba?
|
|
A: Bay of Pigs.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call a USC Sorority girl hang-glider festival?
|
|
A: Multiple total eclipses.
|
|
|
|
Q: What is a USC Sorority girl's mating call...
|
|
A: "I'm soooo drunk, I'm sooooo drunk!"
|
|
|
|
Q: What is the difference between a USC Sorority girl and a toilet?
|
|
A: After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three
|
|
days.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you get when cross a lawyer with a USC Sorority girl??
|
|
A1: Nothing. There are some things a USC Sorority girl won't do.
|
|
A2: I don't know, but it sure enjoys screwing people.
|
|
A3: I don't know, but when it sucks your cock, it doesn't stop
|
|
until it gets blood.
|
|
|
|
1) Tri Delts; I'm sure everyone else has.
|
|
2) If your date won't, Tri Delts.
|
|
3) Once you've tried everyone else, Tri Delts.
|
|
|
|
__________ __________
|
|
\ / /\ \ /
|
|
\ / / \ \ /
|
|
\ / / \ \ /
|
|
\ / / \ \ /
|
|
\/ /________\ \/
|
|
Tri Delts: Two out of three go down.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a USC Sorority girl and a dog?
|
|
A: Drivers will swerve to miss the dog.
|
|
|
|
Q: How many USC Sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
|
|
A1: Two, one to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call Daaaaddy.
|
|
A2: 7, one to change it and six to go out and buy Tab (or diet Coke).
|
|
A3: 65, 1 to do it and 64 to sing and clap.
|
|
A4: One. She holds on to it and the world revolves around her.
|
|
A5: Six. One to screw it in and five to make the T-shirts.
|
|
A6: Ten. Nine to stand around scratching their heads, and one to
|
|
get her boyfriend to do it.
|
|
|
|
Q: Why is a USC Sorority girl like railroad tracks?
|
|
A: She's been laid all over the country.
|
|
|
|
Q: What three words will a USC Sorority girl never hear?
|
|
A: "Attention K-mart shoppers"
|
|
|
|
Q: Why does a USC Sorority girl close her eyes during sex?
|
|
A: So she can fantasize about shopping.
|
|
|
|
Q: What is a USC Sorority girl's favorite sexual position?
|
|
A: Facing Bloomingdale's Dept. store
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between Jell-o and a USC Sorority girl?
|
|
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call a USC Sorority girl's waterbed?
|
|
A1: The Dead Sea
|
|
A2: Lake Michigan
|
|
A3: Lake Placid
|
|
|
|
Q: How can you tell if a USC Sorority girl's a nymphomaniac?
|
|
A: She'll make love the same day she has her hair done.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's a USC Sorority girl's idea of natural childbirth?
|
|
A: No makeup.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a USC Sorority girl and a barracuda?
|
|
A: Nail polish.
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you prevent a USC Sorority girl from having sex?
|
|
A: Marry her.
|
|
|
|
Q: Whats the difference between a USC Sorority girl and a broom closet?
|
|
A: Only 2 men fit inside a broom closet at once
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a telephone booth and a USC Sorority
|
|
girl?
|
|
A1: You don't need a quarter for the USC Sorority girl.
|
|
A2: Only one person can use a telephone at once.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a USC Sorority and a circus?
|
|
A: A circus is a cunning array of stunts.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a USC Sorority girl and garbage?
|
|
A1: Garbage smells better.
|
|
A2: Sorority girl attract more flies.
|
|
|
|
Q: What' the difference between a USC Sorority girl and a vacuum
|
|
cleaner?
|
|
A1: Nothing. They both suck.
|
|
A2: You can buy a new vacuum when you get sick of it.
|
|
A3: You can buy a new vacuum when it no longer sucks.
|
|
A4: When a vacuum cleaner is full of shit, its easy to dump the old bag.
|
|
A5: A vacuum cleaner can't suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you get four USC Sorority girls on one chair?
|
|
A1: Tell them there's a rich guy sitting on it.
|
|
A2: Turn the chair upside down and put one USC Sorority girl on each leg.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a tribe of sly pygmies and a
|
|
USC Sorority girl track team?
|
|
A1: The tribe of sly pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts.
|
|
A2: The USC Sorority girl track team is a bunch of running cunts.
|
|
|
|
Q: What is the difference between a USC Sorority girl and a rooster?
|
|
A: In the morning a rooster says "cock-a-doodle-doo", while a
|
|
USC Sorority girl says "any-cock'll-do"
|
|
|
|
Q: Why does a USC Sorority girl wear underwear?
|
|
A: To keep her ankles warm.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a USC Sorority girl and a Rolls Royce?
|
|
A: Not everybody has been in a Rolls Royce.
|
|
|
|
Q: What is the difference between USC Sorority girls and hookers?
|
|
A: Sorority girls cost less per score.
|
|
|
|
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and Sorority girls have in common?
|
|
A: They both swallow semen.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you call 24 USC Sorority girls walking down the street?
|
|
A: A case of Schlitz.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a USC Sorority girl and parsley?
|
|
A: You don't eat parsley.
|
|
|
|
Q: Why are a USC Sorority girl and a tampon similar?
|
|
A: They are both stuck up cunts.
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you say to a USC Sorority girl that won't give in?
|
|
A: "Have another beer."
|
|
|
|
Q: What does a USC Sorority girl make for dinner?
|
|
A: Reservations.
|
|
|
|
Q: Why does a USC Sorority girl wear a gold diaphragm?
|
|
A: So her boyfriend will think he is coming into money.
|
|
|
|
Q: What is foreplay for a USC Sorority girl?
|
|
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
|
|
|
|
Q: What did the USC Sorority girl say when she knocked over a
|
|
priceless Ming vase?
|
|
A: Oh, Daaaaddy, it's ok, I'm not hurt.
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
|
|
and a USC Sorority girl?
|
|
A: A prostitute says "Are you done yet?"
|
|
A nymphomaniac says "You're done already?"
|
|
and a USC Sorority girl says "Beige...
|
|
I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Six Most Important Men In A Woman's Life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
1. The Doctor...because he says, "Take your clothes off!"
|
|
2. The Dentist...because he says, "Open Wide!"
|
|
3. The Milkman...because he says, "Do you want it in the front or in the
|
|
back?"
|
|
4. The Hairdresser...because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
|
|
5. The Interior Decorator...because he says, "Once it's in, you'll LOVE it!"
|
|
6. The Banker...because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose
|
|
interest!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Title: :Genie Joke
|
|
Name: Sinister X
|
|
Date: Fri July 03 01:06:23 1992
|
|
From: Ultra World Headquarters (Jeffersontown, Kentucky)
|
|
|
|
A man walking down a beach found an old lamp washed up on the shore.
|
|
Everyone else was ignoring it, but he picked it up and rubbed it. A
|
|
genie appeared and said, "Wow! That's been a long time! I can give
|
|
you the traditional three wishes, but it'll take be 24 hours to get
|
|
back into shape. Make your wishes now, sahib, and they will come true
|
|
when you awake."
|
|
|
|
While everyone else on the beach watched in amazement, he thought of
|
|
what he wanted. He said, "First, I'd like to be fantastically rich
|
|
and have my own estate."
|
|
|
|
"Done," said the genie. "So it shall be when you awake."
|
|
|
|
"Next, I'd like to have a bevy of beatuteous babes whose only wish is
|
|
to tend to my every need."
|
|
|
|
"Done," said the genie. "So it shall be when you awake."
|
|
|
|
"Third," and then he looked around and saw all the other people. He
|
|
leaned close to the genie and whispered in his ear.
|
|
|
|
"Well, that is certainly an unusual request," said the genie. "But so
|
|
it shall be when you awake."
|
|
|
|
The man went to bed. The next morning when he awoke he was in a
|
|
beautiful room on a large expensive bed. He looked out the window and
|
|
saw a huge estate stretching out. There were piles of jewels in the
|
|
corners of the room.
|
|
|
|
There was a knock on the door. He opened it, and a dozen gorgeous
|
|
babes poured in, giggling and pushing him onto the bed. "What can we
|
|
do to serve you, hummm, master? Giggle!"
|
|
|
|
He said, "I'll show you in just a minute, girls. But my third wish
|
|
hasn't come true yet..."
|
|
|
|
There was another knock on the door. Puzzled, he opened it. There
|
|
was a mob of people with white hoods, a burning cross, and Duke
|
|
campaign buttons. "Yes, can I help you?"
|
|
|
|
"Yeah. You the guy who wanted to be hung like a black man?"
|
|
Hacking and Hackers: The Rise, Stagnation, and Renaissance.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Copyright(C) 1991 By Mark Hittinger
|
|
(an288@freenet.cleveland.edu, #31 on Blitzkrieg)
|
|
|
|
This document may be freely reproduced so long as credit to
|
|
the author is maintained.
|
|
|
|
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the publicity
|
|
afforded to hacking has risen to peak levels within the last year. As one
|
|
would expect, the political attention being paid to the subject of hackers has
|
|
also risen to peak levels. We are hearing more about hackers each day. The
|
|
newspapers have articles about alleged computer crime and phone fraud almost
|
|
weekly. The legal system is issuing indictments, the secret service is running
|
|
around with wildcard search warrants, and captured naive hackers are turning on
|
|
each other. Some well known computer people have formed a lobby called the
|
|
"Electronic Frontier Foundation". Fox TV has news people on the scene during a
|
|
bust of an alleged "hacker" who was invading their own doofus system!
|
|
Non-computer "lay" people have been asking me a lot of questions.
|
|
|
|
So who am I? I'm just another computer bum. I got into computers in
|
|
the early seventies during high school. I've witnessed computing's rise as
|
|
something social outcasts did to something everybody wanted to be a part of.
|
|
Babes looked at us with disgust as we grabbed our data on 110 baud teletypes
|
|
and paper tape. Rolls of paper tape and access to timeshared basic was so
|
|
great that we didn't even think that it could get better. Well guess what?
|
|
Computers and our social position kept getting better. It got so good that
|
|
pretty soon everybody wanted to ask us questions.
|
|
|
|
These days we are like doctors at a cocktail party, we are always
|
|
getting hit on for free computer consulting! Even from the babes! You've come
|
|
a long way baby! Later I got into the professional side, that is, systems
|
|
programming, systems management, and software development. I've worked with
|
|
GE, Xerox, IBM, Digital, CDC, HP, Prime, anything I could get my hands on. I
|
|
dearly loved the DEC-10, learned to live with VAX/VMS, and now grit my teeth
|
|
when I work with Unix/MS-DOS. My hobby became my career, and they paid me
|
|
money for it. My chosen hacking name is "bugs bunny" and you can find me on
|
|
some bulletin boards as user "bugs". Bugs was always creating virtual rabbit
|
|
holes out of thin air and dodging in and out of them. True hackers love to
|
|
find and fix software "bugs". Yea!! I'm 34 now and a dad.
|
|
|
|
Being involved in computers for a long time gives me a better
|
|
perspective than most. Over the years there would sometimes be a major media
|
|
coverage of some computer crime event. As a local computer "heavy", there were
|
|
always questions coming my way about what these things were all about. Lately,
|
|
the questions are more frequent and more sophisticated. All these big highly
|
|
publicized busts are opening a lot of issues. I didn't have answers to some of
|
|
these questions so I sat down and did some thinking. Writing this article is
|
|
an outgrowth of that. I am not a writer so grant me some journalistic slack.
|
|
|
|
Back in the early seventies hacking was quite free. Most of the
|
|
important stuff was running on batch mainframes that had no connection to the
|
|
outside world. The systems that we played with were not really considered
|
|
critical by anyone. We were allowed to play to our hearts content, and nobody
|
|
really worried about it at all. This period is what I like to think of as the
|
|
"rise of hacking". You can read about some of it in the first section of
|
|
Levy's book, "HACKERS". I love that section and read it when current events
|
|
depress me. In those days the definition of hacker was clear and clean. It
|
|
was fun, it was hi-tech, it was a blast, and it was not a threat. There were
|
|
no big busts, very few people understood computing, and the public had no
|
|
interest in it.
|
|
|
|
We hacked for the sheer love of it. How can I describe the depth of
|
|
interest that we had? We were not concerned with our image or our "identity".
|
|
We wrote games, wrote neat hacks, and learned the strengths or weaknesses of
|
|
each system. We were able to obtain access to a broad range of systems.
|
|
Consider teenage boys comparing and contrasting the systems designed by older
|
|
engineers! We eventually reached a point where we decided how a system should
|
|
be set up. At this point we began to make an annoyance of ourselves. In all
|
|
instances the various administrations considered us minor annoyances. They had
|
|
much more pressing problems!
|
|
|
|
New users began to show up in the labs. They reluctantly wanted to get
|
|
something done that absolutely had to be done on the computer. In many cases
|
|
they had no idea how to start, and were left to their own devices. Centralized
|
|
data processing management (MIS) didn't want to deal with them. Often, they saw
|
|
us playing around, joking, laughing, carefree, and not at all intimidated by
|
|
the computer. They, on the other hand, were quite intimidated. We helped
|
|
these people get started, showed them were the documentation was, and
|
|
explained various error conditions to them. We quickly developed reputations
|
|
as knowing how to get something to work.
|
|
|
|
One of the people I helped made a remark to me that has stuck with me
|
|
for a long time. He said, "I am trained as a civil engineer, so I don't have a
|
|
feel for this. But you, you are pure bred. You've gotten into this fresh and
|
|
taught yourself from the ground up. You haven't been trained into any set
|
|
doctrine." Phar out man! This is an important point. There were no rules,
|
|
guidelines, or doctrines. We made our own up as our experiences dictated.
|
|
|
|
As time wore on, the new user pool began to grow more rapidly. The
|
|
computers began to creak and groan under the work loads that were being placed
|
|
upon them. During the day time, we came to the computer area to find it
|
|
packed. We could no longer access the computers during the day. After all, we
|
|
were just playing! That was OK with us. Soon we were there at night and on
|
|
weekends. We obtained the off-hour non-prime time access, but this put us
|
|
further away from the mainstream. These new guys liked the timeshared
|
|
computers much more than their mainframe batch machines. They started to move
|
|
their darn *important* crud from the mainframe machines to "our" timesharing
|
|
computers. Pretty soon the administrations started to think about what it
|
|
meant to have payroll or grades on the same computers that had "star-trek
|
|
version 8", "adventure", or "DECWAR version 2.2". They were concerned about
|
|
security on the timesharing systems, but due to their budget constraints, most
|
|
of the centralized MIS shops still had to give priority to their batch
|
|
mainframes. We continued to play, but we cursed at the slow systems when the
|
|
important stuff was running. I got off "tuning" systems to make them run
|
|
faster or more efficiently. Interactive response time became the holy grail.
|
|
|
|
The "rise of hacking" was beginning to run out of steam. The
|
|
timesharing systems had been expanded as much as technology and budgets would
|
|
allow. We had learned the various systems internals inside and out. We now
|
|
knew much more about the systems than the "official" maintainers did, and these
|
|
maintainers perceived us as a threat to their positions. The computers were
|
|
still overloaded. The nasty politics of access and resources began to rear
|
|
their head. A convenient scapegoat was to eliminate access to games.
|
|
Eliminate the people that were just playing. Examine all computing activity and
|
|
bill for it. This didn't solve any of the problems (we all knew payroll and
|
|
grades wouldn't fit in!) but it did raise the issue of the hackers to the
|
|
surface. All of a sudden we became defined as a problem! We were soon getting
|
|
shut out of various systems. New kids began to show up and pretend to be
|
|
hackers. They would do anything to show off, and created large problems for
|
|
"us".
|
|
|
|
At this point the "stagnation" period was beginning. These were hard
|
|
days for us. Many of my friends quit what they were doing. Many of us got
|
|
real jobs on the computers we played with as a dodge. Centralized MIS
|
|
departments began to be placed between the rock and hard place of limited
|
|
budgets and unlimited customers. The new kids, the overloaded systems, the
|
|
security concerns for the important applications, and the political situation
|
|
all resulted in the stagnation of hacking.
|
|
|
|
"Hacker" took on a bad connotation. I saw all kind of debates over
|
|
what "hacker" meant. Some claimed it was a compliment, and should only be
|
|
awarded to those bit twiddlers that were truly awesome. Many claimed that
|
|
hackers were the scum of the earth and should be totally decimated! What could
|
|
you do but stay out of the way and let things take their course? I realize now
|
|
that it was in the MIS departments' *VESTED INTEREST* to define the term
|
|
"hacker". Centralized MIS did not have the courage to fight for larger
|
|
budgets. Upper level administrators who just approved the budget would freak
|
|
out when they saw kids playing games on the computers in the library. MIS had
|
|
to define this as bad, had to say they would put a stop to it. MIS had to look
|
|
like they were managing the computer resources responsibly. Any unusual or
|
|
politically unacceptable computer event that couldn't be covered up was caused
|
|
by "hackers". It was a dodge for MIS! I am not saying that some questionable
|
|
stuff didn't go down, I am just saying that it was logical to call anything
|
|
"bad" by some sort of easily accepted label - "hackers".
|
|
|
|
Of course, when the unusual computing event took place your budding
|
|
journalists were johnny on the spot. You don't climb that journalist ladder by
|
|
writing about boring stories. Wild computer stories about hacking captured
|
|
the public interest. I suppose the public liked to hear that somebody could
|
|
"beat" the system somehow. Journalists picked up on this and wrote stories
|
|
that even I found hard to believe. The new kids, even when not asked, would
|
|
blab all day long about the great things that they were doing. And don't you
|
|
know, they would blab all day long about great hacks they heard that you
|
|
pulled! Stories get wilder with each re-telling. I realize now that it was in
|
|
the journalists' *VESTED INTEREST* to define the term "hacker". The public
|
|
loves robin hood, the journalists went out and found lots of pseudo-robin
|
|
hoods.
|
|
|
|
More and more stories began to hit the public. We heard stories of
|
|
military computers getting penetrated. We heard stories of big financial
|
|
rip-offs. We heard cute stories about guys who paid themselves the round-off
|
|
of millions of computer generated checks. We heard stories of kids moving
|
|
space satellites! We heard stories of old ladies getting their phone bills in a
|
|
heavy parcel box! As an old timer, I found a lot of these stories far fetched.
|
|
It was all national inquirer type stuff to me. The public loved it, the
|
|
bureaucrats used it, and the politicians began to see an opportunity!
|
|
|
|
The end of the "stagnation" period coincides the arrival of the
|
|
politicians. Was it in the *VESTED INTEREST* of the politicians to define the
|
|
term "hacker"? You bet! Here was a safe and easy issue! Who would stand up
|
|
and say they were FOR hackers? What is more politically esthetic than to be
|
|
able to define a bad guy and then say you are opposed to it? More resources
|
|
began to flow into law enforcement activities. When actual busts were made,
|
|
the legal system had problems coming up with charges. The legal system has
|
|
never really felt comfortable with the punishment side of hacking, however,
|
|
they LOVE the chase. We didn't have guns, we were not very dangerous, but it
|
|
is *neat* to tap lines and grab headlines!
|
|
|
|
What a dangerous time this was. It was like a feedback loop, getting
|
|
worse every week. When centralized MIS was unable to cover up a hacking event,
|
|
they exaggerated it instead. Shoddy design or poor software workmanship was
|
|
never an issue. Normally "skeptical" journalists did not ask for proof, and
|
|
thrilled at the claims of multi-million dollar damages. Agents loved to be
|
|
seen on TV (vote for me when I run!) wheeling out junior's Christmas present
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from last year, to be used as "evidence". The politicians were able to pass
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new laws without constitutional considerations. New kids, when caught, would
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rabidly turn on each other in their desperation to escape. Worried older
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hackers learned to shut up and not give their side for fear of the feeding
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frenzy. Hackers were socked with an identity crisis and an image problem.
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Hackers debated the meaning of hacker versus the meaning of cracker. We all
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|
considered the fundamental question, "What is a true hacker?". Cool
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|
administrators tried to walk the fine line of satisfying upper level security
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concerns without squelching creativity and curiosity.
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So what is this "renaissance" business? Am I expecting to see major
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hacker attacks on important systems? No way, and by the way, if you thought
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that, you would be using a definition created by someone with a vested interest
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in it. When did we start to realize that hacker was defined by somebody else
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and not us? I don't know, but it has only been lately. Was it when people
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started to ask us about these multi-million dollar damage claims? I really
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think this is an important point in time. We saw BellSouth claim an
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electronically published duplicate of an electronic document was worth nearly
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$100,000 dollars!
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We later saw reports that you could have called a 1-800 number and
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|
purchased the same document for under twenty bucks. Regular non-computer
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people began to express suspicion about the corporate claims. They expressed
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|
suspicion about the government's position. And generally, began to question
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|
the information the media gave them. Just last month an article appear in the
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|
Wall Street Journal about some hackers breaking in to electronic voice mail
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boxes (fancy answering machines). They quoted some secret service agent as
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saying the damages could run to the tens of millions of dollars. Somebody
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|
asked me how in the world could screwing around with peoples answering machines
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|
cause over 10 million dollars in damages? I responded, "I don't know dude! Do
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you believe what you read?"
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And when did the secret service get into this business? People say to
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me, "I thought the secret service was supposed to protect the president. How
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|
come the secret service is busting kids when the FBI should be doing the
|
|
busting?" What can I do but shrug? Maybe all the Abu-Nidals are gone and the
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|
president is safe. Maybe the FBI is all tied up with some new AB-SCAM or the
|
|
S&L thing. Maybe the FBI is damn tired of hackers and hacking!
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In any event, the secret service showed it's heavy hand with the big
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|
series of busts that was widely publicized recently. They even came up with
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*NEAT* code names for it. "Operation SUNDEVIL", WOW! I shoulda joined the
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|
secret service!!! Were they serious or was this their own version of dungeons
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|
and dragons? In a very significant way, they blew it. A lot of those old nasty
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|
constitutional issues surfaced.
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They really should define clearly what they are looking for when they
|
|
get a search warrant. They shouldn't just show up, clean the place out, haul
|
|
it back to some warehouse, and let it sit for months while they figure out if
|
|
they got anything. This event freaked a lot of lay people out. The creation
|
|
of the Electronic Frontier Foundation is a direct result of the blatantly
|
|
illegal search and seizure by the secret service. People are worried about
|
|
what appears to be a police state mentality, and generally feel that the state
|
|
has gone to far. I think the average American has a gut level feel for how far
|
|
the state should go, and the SS clearly went past that point. To be fair, there
|
|
aren't any good guidelines to go by in a technical electronic world, so the
|
|
secret service dudes had to decide what to do on their own. It just turned out
|
|
to be a significant mistake.
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|
I saw Clifford Stoll, the author of the popular book "Cuckoos Egg"
|
|
testify on national C-SPAN TV before congress. His book is a very good read,
|
|
and entertaining as well. A lot of lay people have read the book, and perceive
|
|
the chaos within the legal system. Stoll's book reveals that many systems are
|
|
not properly designed or maintained. He reveals that many well known "holes"
|
|
in computer security go unfixed due to the negligence of the owners. This book
|
|
generated two pervasive questions. One, why were there so many different law
|
|
enforcement agencies that could claim jurisdiction? Lay people found it
|
|
amazing that there were so many and that they could not coordinate their
|
|
efforts. Two, why were organizations that publicly claimed to be worried about
|
|
hackers not updating their computer security to fix stale old well known
|
|
problems? If indeed a hacker were able to cause damage by exploiting such a
|
|
well known unfixed "hole", could the owner of the computer be somehow held
|
|
responsible for part of the damage? Should they?
|
|
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|
We all watched in amazement as the media reported the progress of
|
|
Robert Morris's "internet worm". Does that sound neat or what? Imagine all
|
|
these lay people hearing about this and trying to judge if it is a problem.
|
|
The media did not do a very good job of covering this, and the computing
|
|
profession stayed away from it publicly. A couple of guys wrote academic style
|
|
papers on the worm, which says something about how important it really was.
|
|
This is the first time that I can remember anyone examining a hacking event in
|
|
such fine detail. We started to hear about military interest in "worms" and
|
|
"viruses" that could be stuck into enemy computers. WOW! The media accepted
|
|
the damage estimates that were obviously inflated. Morris's sentence got a lot
|
|
of publicity, but his fine was very low compared to the damage estimates.
|
|
People began to see the official damage estimates as not being very credible.
|
|
|
|
We are in the first stages of the hacking renaissance. This period
|
|
will allow the hackers to assess themselves and to re-define the term "hacker".
|
|
We know what it means, and it fits in with the cycle of apprentice, journeyman,
|
|
and master. Its also got a little artist, intuition, and humor mixed in.
|
|
Hackers have the chance to repudiate the MISs', the journalists', and the
|
|
politicians' definition! Average people are questioning the government's role
|
|
in this and fundamental rights. Just exactly how far should the government go
|
|
to protect companies and their data? Exactly what are the responsibilities of
|
|
a company with sensitive, valuable data on their computer systems? There is a
|
|
distinct feeling that private sector companies should be doing more to protect
|
|
themselves. Hackers can give an important viewpoint on these issues, and all
|
|
of a sudden there are people willing to listen.
|
|
|
|
What are the implications of the renaissance? There is a new public
|
|
awareness of the weakness in past and existing systems. People are concerned
|
|
about the privacy of their electronic mail or records on the popular services.
|
|
People are worried a little about hackers reading their mail, but more
|
|
profoundly worried about the services or the government reading their stuff. I
|
|
expect to see a very distinct public interest in encrypted e-mail and
|
|
electronic privacy. One of my personal projects is an easy to use e-mail
|
|
encrypter that is compatible with all the major e-mail networks. I hope to
|
|
have it ready when the wave hits!
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|
Personal computers are so darn powerful now. The centralized MIS
|
|
department is essentially dead. Companies are moving away from the big data
|
|
center and just letting the various departments role their own with PCs. It is
|
|
the wild west again! The new users are on their own again! The guys who
|
|
started the stagnation are going out of business! The only thing they can
|
|
cling to is the centralized data base of information that a bunch of PCs might
|
|
need to access. This data will often be too expensive or out-of-date to
|
|
justify, so even that will die off. Scratch one of the vested definers!
|
|
Without centralized multi-million dollar computing there can't be any credible
|
|
claims for massive multi-million dollar damages.
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|
|
|
Everyone will have their own machine that they can walk around
|
|
with. It is a vision that has been around for awhile, but only recently have
|
|
the prices, technology, and power brought decent implementations available.
|
|
Users can plug it into the e-mail network, and unplug it. What is more safe
|
|
than something you can pick up and lock up? It is yours, and it is in your
|
|
care. You are responsible for it. Without the massive damage claims, and with
|
|
clear responsibility, there will no longer be any interest from the
|
|
journalists. Everybody has a computer, everybody knows how much the true costs
|
|
of damage are. It will be very difficult for the journalists to sensationalize
|
|
about hackers. Scratch the second tier of the vested definers! Without media
|
|
coverage, the hackers and their exploits will fade away from the headlines.
|
|
|
|
Without public interest, the politicians will have to move on to
|
|
greener pastures. In fact, instead of public fear of hackers, we now are
|
|
seeing a public fear of police state mentality and abuse of power. No
|
|
politician is going to want to get involved with that! I expect to see the
|
|
politicians fade away from the "hacker" scene rapidly. Scratch the third tier
|
|
of the vested definers! The FBI and the secret service will be pressured to
|
|
spend time on some other "hot" political issue.
|
|
|
|
So where the heck are we? We are now entering the era of truly
|
|
affordable REAL systems. What does REAL mean? Ask a hacker dude! These boxes
|
|
are popping up all over the place. People are buying them, buying software, and
|
|
trying to get their work done. More often than not, they run into problems, and
|
|
eventually find out that they can ask some computer heavy about them. Its sort
|
|
of come full circle, these guys are like the new users of the old timesharing
|
|
systems. They had an idea of what they wanted to do, but didn't know how to
|
|
get there. There wasn't a very clear source of guidance, and sometimes they
|
|
had to ask for help. So it went!
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|
The hackers are needed again. We can solve problems, get it done, make
|
|
it fun. The general public has the vested interest in this! The public has a
|
|
vested interest in electronic privacy, in secure personal systems, and in
|
|
secure e-mail. As everyone learns more, the glamour and glitz of the mysterious
|
|
hackers will fade. Lay people are getting a clearer idea of whats going on.
|
|
They are less willing to pay for inferior products, and aren't keen about
|
|
relying on centralized organizations for support. Many know that the four
|
|
digit passcode some company gave them doesn't cut the mustard.
|
|
|
|
What should we hackers do during this renaissance? First we have to
|
|
discard and destroy the definition of "hacker" that was foisted upon us. We
|
|
need to come to grips with the fact that there were individuals and groups with
|
|
a self interest in creating a hysteria and/or a bogeyman. The witch hunts are
|
|
over and poorly designed systems are going to become extinct. We have cheap
|
|
personal portable compatible powerful systems, but they do lack some security,
|
|
and definitely need to be more fun. We have fast and cheap e-mail, and this
|
|
needs to be made more secure. We have the concept of electronic free speech,
|
|
and electronic free press. I think about what I was able to do with the
|
|
limited systems of yesterday, and feel very positive about what we can
|
|
accomplish with the powerful personal systems of today.
|
|
|
|
On the software side we do need to get our operating system house in
|
|
order. The Unix version wars need to be stopped. Bill Gates must give us a
|
|
DOS that will make an old operating system guy like me smile, and soon! We need
|
|
to stop creating and destroying languages every three years and we need to
|
|
avoid software fads (I won't mention names due to personal safety concerns).
|
|
Ken Olsen must overcome and give us the cheap, fast, and elegantly
|
|
unconstrained hardware platform we've waited for all our lives. What we have
|
|
now is workable (terrific in terms of history), but it is a moral imperative to
|
|
get it right. What we have now just doesn't have the "spark" (I am not doing a
|
|
pun on sun either!!!). The hackers will know what I mean.
|
|
|
|
If we are able to deal with the challenges of the hacking renaissance,
|
|
then history will be able to record the hackers as pioneers and not as vandals.
|
|
This is the way I feel about it, and frankly, I've been feeling pretty good
|
|
lately. The stagnation has been a rough time for a lot of us. The stock
|
|
market guys always talk about having a contrarian view of the market. When
|
|
some company gets in the news as a really hot stock, it is usually time to
|
|
sell it. When you hear about how terrible some investment is, by some perverse
|
|
and wonderful force it is time to buy it. So it may be for the "hackers". We
|
|
are hearing how terrible "hackers" are and the millions of dollars of vandalism
|
|
that is being perpetrated. At this historic low are we in for a reversal in
|
|
trend? Will the stock in "hackers" rise during this hacking renaissance? I
|
|
think so, and I'm bullish on the 90's also! Party on d00des!
|
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±±±±±±Ü ±±±±±±Ü ±±±±±Ü±±Ü ±±±±±±±Ü ±±±±±±Ü ±±±±±±±±Ü ±±±±±±Ü
|
|
±±Ûß±±Û ±±Ûß±±Û ±±Û±±Û±±Û ±±Ûß±±Û ±±Ûß±±Û ±±Û±±Û±±Û ±±Ûßßßß
|
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±±±±±±Û ±±±±±±Û ±±Û±±Û±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û±±Û±±Û ±±±±±±Ü
|
|
±±Û±±Ûß ±±Ûß±±Û ±±Û±±Û±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ßß±±Û ßßß±±Û
|
|
±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û±±±±±Û ±±±±±±±Û ±±±±±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±±±±±Û
|
|
ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ßßßßß ßßßßßßß ßßßßßß ßß ßß ßßßßßß
|
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|
|
>From: "Peter G. Neumann" <neumann@csl.sri.com>
|
|
Subject: AT&T announces Easy Reach 700
|
|
|
|
Easy Reach 700 gives each subscribers a Unique Phone Number that remains
|
|
unchanged for the lifetime of the subscription, and that indirects to wherever
|
|
you want the call to be received. The caller does not know the receiving
|
|
number or its location. The service begins on 15 June.
|
|
|
|
The subscriber can call the assigned 700-xxx-yyyy number, followed by a 4-digit
|
|
PIN, then 1#, and then the number to which calls are to be routed. This can be
|
|
done from ANY touch-tone phone (assuming compatible tones, which -- I have
|
|
noticed -- is not always the case among clone-phones). The subscriber may
|
|
choose to assign up to 19 different passwords to would-be callers, where the
|
|
absence of a password blocks the call indirection.
|
|
|
|
Perhaps the system will be smart enough to detect systematic attacks such as a
|
|
denial of service from a computer dialing your number, running through as many
|
|
of the 10,000 possible PINs as necessary until the right one is found, and then
|
|
forwarding your calls off into space. I suppose you would want automatic
|
|
calling number identification to detect who is attacking. (I presume that it
|
|
would indicate the original caller, and not the 700 number!)
|
|
|
|
Of course, following our discussions of schemes for tracking people (such as by
|
|
cellular phone IDs), Easy Reach could be misused as an interesting database of
|
|
your presumed whereabouts...
|
|
[Source: San Fran Chron, 29 Apr 1992, p.1]
|
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|
|
>From: MCULNAN@guvax.georgetown.edu
|
|
Subject: Free TRW Credit Report
|
|
|
|
The RISKS of not checking one's credit report periodically, and especially
|
|
before applying for a mortgage or other loan or a job have been well documented
|
|
here and elsewhere.
|
|
|
|
According to USA Today, beginning April 30, you can get a free copy of your TRW
|
|
credit report once a year by writing to:
|
|
|
|
TRW Consumer Assistance, P.O. Box 2350, Chatsworth, CA 91313-2350
|
|
|
|
Include all of the following in your letter: full name including middle initial
|
|
and generation such as Jr, Sr, III etc., current address and ZIP code, all
|
|
previous addresses and ZIPs for past five years, Social Security number, year
|
|
of birth, spouse's first name. Also include a photocopy of a billing
|
|
statement, utility bill, driver's license or other document that links your
|
|
name with the address where the report should be mailed.
|
|
|
|
Mary Culnan, School of Business Administration, Georgetown University
|
|
MCULNAN@GUVAX.GEORGETOWN.EDU
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The End of Misfits Issue 003 21 July 1992 (c) Skeleton Society
|