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206 lines
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Plaintext
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[ Mind Warp - Volume #3, Issue #2, File #043 ]
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[ "Musty's College Thang" by Mustaine ]
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The College Experience, Semester I
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[Mustaine]
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WOW! I recently was digging through my grab bag of articles that
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had been working on and never finished. At the time, 12/10/94, I had
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already written an article on college that I had intended to submit for
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Mind Warp Volume III. I then came upon an old article that I had started,
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which conviently also had to do with college, so I decided to splice them
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together, add some stuff in the middle, and produce a monstrously confusing
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article that I think Raven will publish. Why not? He said he'd publish
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anything. It's done in six parts. Here we go again (to quote WhiteSnake)..
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[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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Table of Contents
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-----------------
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I) The Introduction (You just read it...)
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II) The table of contents. (Your readin' em.
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III) The REVISED "Arrival At College" (??/??/??)
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V) The REVISED "In Between Commentary" (12/11/94)
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V) The ORIGINAL "Final Days of Semester I" (12/01/94)
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VI) The Conclusion, Summary.. (12/11/94)
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[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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"Arrival At College" - The College Dorm
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I came, I saw, I want to leave....NOW. Ok folks I'm at college now,
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living ON campus, in a closet, and it's.....different? Let me put this
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in perspective. Recently I finished my last day of work, said my
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farewell's to my co-workers, and packed my bags for college. Fifteen
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hours later, I am here, in my dorm...which I would call a small closet,
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and I am stuck here for FOUR to FIVE years. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Friday, the 26th of August, 1994 - Well, to start things off, today
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was really boring...and depressing. I got up at 8:00 today, and drove
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'Pornlo' (my brother) to work today to open the gym up where we work. Great.
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I then went back home to pick up 'The Ice Queen' (my sister) and then proceed
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to drive her to the gym where she is to practice for the next several hours.
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Then I don my staff shirt, put on my best smile, and walk into hell. I'm
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not going into detail about work in this article...if you want THOSE glorius
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details read the article KIDS...should have been published in Mind Warp
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by now. At any rate, I walk in about midway into the camper shift to help
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out my co-workers. Really simple shift really...all I had to do was walk
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some day campers through some gymnastics events...and then dump them upstairs
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for lunch while I did a birthday party. That party is a whole other story
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that I'll eventually write.
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At any rate, the party ended, and my co-workers and myself all quickly
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met for a sort of sending off in the staff office. There were four of us
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leaving for college...myself, Mandy, Janna and Jenny. I am going to
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College Park, Mandy to Townsend, Janna to Montgomery College, and Jenny
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to the University of Rhode Island. Jenny had already left...so she wasn't
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really at this meeting. Many was there..and I gave her my address, and
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I asked Janna to watch after my brother and another co-worker Jenny, who
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were staying the job untill they are done with High School. (For those
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of you reading this out of state, Janna's college is like 5 minutes away
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from my work....) At any rate, that done, we all left our seperate ways.
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I went home. Boring. I packed really quickly, had a microwave burrito,
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and hit the bed. Viola. End of day....
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Saturday, the 27 of August, 1994 - Wham. I hit the alarm clock as it
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rings showing 9:00am. It's college day! After about an hour of fussing,
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I end up in the family van, with my WHOLE family, on the way to college.
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Woo. Then comes college. I arrive, along with fifty gazillion other
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freshman, and begin to lumber my crap up to my room. Boy what a shocker.
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My room, or dorm as I must call it...it the size of a janitorial closet
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at McDonalds...and about as smelly as McDonalds too. After moving in all
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my stuff, my parents left. YES! That YES! lasted about two seconds untill
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I actually looked around my room. Aside from the krad fridge, the absence
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of two annoying siblings...coughPornlocough...this was way lame. Everything
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is long distance from the phone...which is hooked to a PBX, so to dial say
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Arosnist's Arsenal I haffa do 9,1,3012080847,,,XXXXXXX (XXXXXX being my
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PSC or Personal Security Code). LAME. About an hour later my roomate
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arrives...he is very cool...his alias is Johahan. He is like 6.2 and that
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is WAY tall compared to my small frame. With that in mind, I went out into
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college land. YES! There are many girls in College Park. About 70 percent
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of them register a rating of 8,9, or 10 on my scale. Not that I could
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date any of them...freshmen are spurned. AHHHHHHHHHHH! Tommorow looks to
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be interesting.
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"In Between Commentary" - What happened between then and NOW.
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Wow. I thought it was bad when I initally arrived. It got WORSE. My
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roomate turned out to be a Schmoe, who BROKE my stereo and led a revolt with
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the bacteria in the bathroom to better moronkind everywhere. I turned out
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to have HARD classes, and I found out that all the girls here are preppy
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bitches (well, I guess we can't count Angst) and MOST of them have weird
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STD's.... I ain't in high school no more...WHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
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"Final Days of Semester I"
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[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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Disclaimer : If you are elderly, have a weak heart, like Yani, or in any way
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shape or form get disgusted by watching Mr. Clean commericals,
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PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN!...stop reading. Otherwise,
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dig in.
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[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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AHHH! This semester has been pure HELL! Let me describe to you, with just
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a wee bit of embelishment, exactly what took place in my dormitory last week
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We'll start in the morning, and work our way up.
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The alarm clock brutally started blaring the utterly LAME music of Green
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Day when I awoke to the ever small (it's a FRIKIN closet) dormitory where I
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have resided ever since I made the mistake of enrolling at this college.
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Looking around, I saw that my roomate had finally gotten in from the night
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before, with a truckload of strewn miller lite cans lying around his bed like
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maggots clinging to a pile of dung. Groaning as I bent over to shut off my
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alarm clock, I realized from the LED display that I only had about 45 minutes
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to shower, dress myself, eat, and get my quite cute ass to Math class in a
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building a little over 15 minutes walk from my hellish residence. Throwing
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of the last vestiges of my sleepiness, I bound from bed to collect my
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"shower-bucket."
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I then grabbed my room keys, and walked across the hall into the slum I
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am supposed to believe is a "bathroom". <hehehehhehehehehehehehehhehehehehe>
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It looks more like it is a Nazi torturing area, and it smells like that
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"Bog of Eternal Stench" place from that movie Labrinth. N-E-Ways, I walk
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over the the closet shower stall to find one of the fucking asshole hallmates
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passed out in his own urine in the stall. We can guess from this that
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Musty is fairly certain of one shower stall he WILL NOT be showering in.
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I walk to the next stall to find hair and shaved soap strewn about the floor,
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consequently clogging up the drain. Oh well. I then settled on the third,
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and final shower stall. The only possible thing I can bitch about this stall
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would be the rust, and the fungus which has been growing out of the rusty
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pipes. I then proceeded to shower. I realize that many of you would now
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like me to describe my body features (as some WEIRD MO FO) did in MW!-033.TXT
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BUT alas, I AM NOT A FRIKIN' Pervet...sorry. I will say that I have A VERY
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cute ass for all you loving "women" fans out there...WHO I AM SURE BY NOW
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JUST WANT TO SEND ME SOME HATE-MAIL, EH???
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The next thing I did was to proceed back to my room, clothe myself, and
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run my butt out to class, without any breakfast.
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[ Female Reader : AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Poor Mustaine. I'll have to
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offer my body up to him as consolation next time I see
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him. ]
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[ Male Reader : THAT PRICK! I HOPE HE STARVES! Him and HIS huge penis
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too! ]
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I then proceeded to go to class (hell) for the next few thousand hours,
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and I would rather not talk about that hellowing experience. Suffice to say
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that CLASS was hell, and I soon arrived back at my dorm..at 10:00pm that
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night. Now the fun began!
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10:00 pm is the "set" quiet hours for our dorm. This means that no one
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can play their stereo loud, or run around the halls making noise. LET ME
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TELL YOU...
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As I arrived, I saw Mr. X, or resident 12 IQ football player turning his
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stereo on at about 5,000,000 decibals louder than it was meant to go. It
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was playing some music about a black girl that was being raped by four black
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"bruthas." Needless to say, I was not amused.
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Next, andother hallmate goes running up and down the hall with a LaRami
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watergun filled with piss shooting at everyone. Need I say more on him?
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MORE, that idiot's roomate grabbed the trashcans from the hall and ran
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down the hall dumping them into unsuspecting victims rooms.
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I could go on and on..but I think you get my point. The police arrived
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around 2:00am and put an end to the bullshit. It was defitly NOT one of the
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highlights of my college career thus far!!!
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"Conclusion, Summary"
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OK, I know I just slapped that together, and I realize it was very
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confusing, and in all probabilty Raven is scratching his head right now
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questioning my sanity BUT....
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College is NOT all fun and games like so many people glamoratize it to
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be. You have to buckle down, take really hard classes, and do a LOT more
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work then you ever did in high school. You can't BBS all day, and screw
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girls all night. You wind up with lousy roomates, and weird junk growing
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out of your ears. When you go to college try to follow these little rules:
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1) Get a roomate you can deal with.
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2) Don't get in the dorm with the practicing KKK members.
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3) Don't transfer to the football dorm.
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4) Don't screw anything without a condom.
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5) Don't read ANYTHING Mustaine writes!
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[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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There, I'm done. Greets:
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Raven - PUBLISH this, please?
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Pornlo - Stay off the sidewalk.
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Red Dragon - BIAAAATCH. I kill you.
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Essex - WHERE ARE YOU???
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Casper - Moocha, Moocha.
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Julie - Moocha, Moocha.
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==============================================================================
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Call The Omniverse, the Mind Warp WHQ - (301) 718-0225
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==============================================================================
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