59 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
59 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
%%% %%% %%%% %%% %% %%%%%
|
|
%%%% %%%% %% %%%% %% %% %%
|
|
%% %%% %% %% %% %% %% %% %%
|
|
%% % %% %% %% %%%% %% %%
|
|
%% %% %%%% %% %%% %%%%%
|
|
|
|
// // //// ////// ////// //
|
|
\\ \ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\
|
|
// /// // //////// ////// ////// //
|
|
\\\\ \\\\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\
|
|
/// /// // // // // // //
|
|
|
|
[ Mind Warp - Volume #2, Issue #8, File #035 ]
|
|
[ "The DAVE Continuum" by Slartibartfast ]
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
The DAVE Continuum
|
|
[Slartibartfast]
|
|
|
|
This is Slartibartfast again and if can't figure it out, my name is Dave.
|
|
I'm sure that you all know about the "Q" continuum on Star Trek. Well, I am
|
|
a member of the even more omniscient "DAVE" continuum. My distinguished
|
|
colleagues include Dave Letterman, Dave Barry, Dave from the movie Dave,
|
|
and Forrest Gump, who upon hearing of the continuum, immediately changed his
|
|
name to Dave. We hold power over all wisdom and humor, and we will release
|
|
bits and pieces of it here from time to time.
|
|
To give you an idea of what we do, the following is our latest project:
|
|
In a parllel universe, we just made everyone a Dave, named all the
|
|
animals Dave, named all the institutions Dave, and just for variety we asked
|
|
God if we could call him David. Needless to say, the Dave World exists in
|
|
perfect Dave and Dave with Dave, and Dave gets along with Dave else, and
|
|
David is a really Dave Dave. In your universe the translation goes, the
|
|
Dave World exists in perfect peace and harmony with nature, and everyone
|
|
gets along with everyone else, and God is a really happy camper.
|
|
|
|
This has all been established to counterbalance the Bob continuum, which
|
|
I was offered a position in because of my middle name, but, I declined. The
|
|
Bob continuum has been credited with pretty much screwing up most of the
|
|
world. Some members are Bob Dole, Bob B. (my manager), and another Bob who
|
|
shall otherwise remain anonymous, but I went to high school with him. Their
|
|
basic motto is, "When things are going ok, and people are generally happy,
|
|
then we show up to put an end to it."
|
|
|
|
There you have it. If you feel that you have what it takes to be a Dave,
|
|
i.e. your name is Dave, then email me at slarti@wam.umd.edu. The continuum
|
|
will discuss your prospects and potential within the continuum. Look for our
|
|
articles on wisdom, humor, and also music in the future. For the sake of
|
|
someone we all know, I have just inducted Dave Mustaine into the continuum,
|
|
along with Edward Dave Van Halen and Eric Dave Clapton.
|
|
|
|
Slarti-Dave-bartfast
|
|
|
|
[Editor's Note: I am very proud to also be a Dave.. :) ]
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
Call the Recluse BBS at (301) 314-1505
|
|
==============================================================================
|