110 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
110 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
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[ Mind Warp - Volume #0, Issue #6, File #006 ]
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[ "Music Review: #2" by Mustaine ]
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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MuSTaiNe's MuSiC ReVieW #2
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[Mustaine/INFLUENZA]
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Guess what folks??? It's already time for another fine music review by
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yours truly. Raven apparently didn't mind my last cutting commentary on
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some pretty crappy bands, so in this review I promise to bust on more sucky
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bands. Woo! At any rate, following my usual brief and meaningless commen-
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tary is my music scale, which I base on my own personal (and perfect)
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standards. Got a problem with it? Too bad. Cause if you hate it, then you
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suck. Everyone knows I am always right. Enjoy.
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MuSTaiNe's MuSiC SCaLe (*ReViSeD oN 06/18/94*)
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-3000) MuST Be BY PaNTeRa....
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-5) aNYTHiNG BY VaNiLLa iCe...
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0) SuCKS!!! ÞÞÞ Get the picture? ÞÞÞ
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1) BiTeS!!!
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2) eWW!!!
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3) CRaP!!!
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4) BLaH, BLaH...
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5) NoT HaLF BaD, BuT CRaP..
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6) GeTTiN' THeRe!!!
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7) KeWL..SoRTa
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8) Yo! I CaN DiG THiS SH*T.
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9) Woo! PLaY SoMe MoRe...
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10) F*CKiNG iNCReDiBLe!!!
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BaND #1 :
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Name : PaNTeRa
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Members : Philip Anselmo (VoCaLS)
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Dimebag Darell (GuiTaRS)
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Vinne Paul (DRuMS)
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ReX (BaSS)
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Album : FaR BeYoND DRiVeN
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Info. : Before I comment on this crappy little album, let me take a moment
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to explain just how much this band sucks. And they DO suck. First
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off, the vocalist, Mr.Scream-at-the-top-of-his-lungs-couldn't-sing-
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if-he-tried-cockroach-lookin'-no-hair-havin'-moron-with-tattoo's-
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just-so-he-can-figure-out-which-arm-is-left-and-which-arm-is-right
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sucks. I mean he really sucks. He must have a really small dick
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too. Has anyone ever read the lyrics? They're all about sex, and
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why the lead singer never gets any because of his ugly ass looks.
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Then the next few songs are about his pussy-ass attempts at revenge
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on the bitch that wouldn't suck his dick. Then he tries to sing
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about how he could kick everyone's ass. Please Mr. Anselmo, you
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suck. You look stupid, you sing bad, and your fans are those
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escaped convicts from the hick-homes in Omaha. Get a fucking life.
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Next we have the drummer. This guy has had WAY too many Twinkies.
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He has so many chins you can't tell where is face ends and where
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his whale sized stomach begins. And he sucks for a drummer too.
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He just bangs real hard in a beat that any four year old could do.
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These people have NO talent. They can't sing. They can't play
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music. Probably the ONLY reason they are popular is because
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Ricky Rackman(or however the hell you spell his name) said he liked
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them on MTV one night which is at 1 in the morning when most people
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are stoned and/or tripping off their asses.
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At any rate, I should tell you about the album. There is ONE good
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song on this album. And Pantera didn't write it. They STOLE it
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from Black Sabbath...who isn't even that hot. It's called Planet
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Caravan and it's a small ballad. Other than that, this CD makes a
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really good....frisbee? So by my scale, this band gets a negative
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.....3000?
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BaND #2 : LeTS BuST on PaNTeRa some more...
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Name : Gee dipwad...I wonder.
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Album : VuLGaR DiSPLaY oF PoWeR
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Members : Philip Anselmo (VoCaLS)
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Dimebag Darell (GuiTaRS)
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Vinne Paul (DRuMS)
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ReX (BaSS)
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Info. : This one had a decent song on it. It was called Hollow and was
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about drug abuse and how bad it is. Maybe the lead singer was
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sober for a minute or something...I dunno. Other than that,
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the singing still....SUCKED. The playing still....SUCKED. The
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obvious insecurity about a small dick from the lyrics of the
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lead singer....STILL WAS THERE. In other words, this one still
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is a good canidate for a frisbee. My rating? -3000.
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Well that's it for this review. I obviously lied last time when I said
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I'd do three to four bands in this issue. Deal with it. Although most of
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you probably agree...their's only so much Pantera that one should bother
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writing about. SO until next time, I think you have an idea of what two
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albums NOT to buy. I think I'll talk about 12 Guage in the next review.
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Until then, keep your fingers out of your nose, and use a condom. Hell, I
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do.
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MuSTaiNe / iNFLueNZa iNC.
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==============================================================================
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Call Arsonist's Arsenal BBS the Mind Warp WHQ - (301) 208-0847
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==============================================================================
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