167 lines
9.0 KiB
Plaintext
167 lines
9.0 KiB
Plaintext
Ü Ü Ü Mighty Issue #50
|
|
Ü Ü Û Û Ü illicit "[MiLK] Update 7/94"
|
|
Û ß Û Û Û ÛÛ Liquid -By "Concerned [MiLK] Members"
|
|
ß ß ß ß ß ß Kollections
|
|
Ä Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
|
|
|
|
Hello, we're coming to you live from the inside of the [MiLK] Tfile
|
|
Headquarters, The Obloid Sphere. I'm afraid it's become a MADHOUSE in here!
|
|
All hell is breaking loose! Epic has flooded the main floor of the complex
|
|
with Tang[tm]! All the eggplants have been taken out of the refrigerator
|
|
and are rotting! The mangos have been thrown into the trash compactor!
|
|
The messages are being tossed into the paper shredder! Weasels are throwing
|
|
themselves in front of speeding trains in desperation. If something doesn't
|
|
stop this total anarchy quickly, Obloid will be nothing more than a Default
|
|
Renegade BBS with an open Archive Menu, just waiting to be hacked,
|
|
slaughtered, destroyed, or otherwise ruined.
|
|
|
|
We better explain to you how this all happened. You see, it all
|
|
started with a few simple posts on Obloid, one of the few lasting Message
|
|
boards in Chicago. James Hetfield, The Sysop, posted this message, which
|
|
was soon going to be the latest [MiLK] Text file:
|
|
|
|
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
|
|
|
|
Now, I know that you've all seen the recent outpour of Fruit drink
|
|
commericals on the radio and Television. Well, this is all because the
|
|
Fruit Drink wars of the '90s have began. You think the '80s and the Cola
|
|
wars were bad? Well, this will show us once and for all what the best fruit
|
|
drink in America is; Fruitopia.
|
|
|
|
First off, the Propaganda campaign for this drink is unmatched. How
|
|
much more Policitally correct can you get then naming your drinks
|
|
"Strawberry/Passion Awareness" and "Fruit Integration" and other such
|
|
wonderful things?
|
|
|
|
Let me read you the little "Fruitopian Life" quote on the side of this
|
|
bottle of Fruitopia I have. "The person next to you loves you very much.
|
|
Please share this Fruit Integration with him/her." Now this, my friends, is
|
|
the most wonderful ad campaign known. Why would anyone choose Snapple, that
|
|
horrible muck with such polictially INCORRECT names of drinks as "Mango
|
|
MADNESS", when you can have Fruit Integration? It just doesn't make sense
|
|
to me.
|
|
|
|
I predict that Fruitopia will make the Earth shake and the Oceans rise
|
|
and the trees fall from its wrath. Carbonated beverages will be a thing of
|
|
the PAST once Fruitopia becomes the land's favorite drink.
|
|
|
|
Drink Fruitopia. The Best Stuff on Earth. (I guess that means Snapple
|
|
is made from Fruitopia...)
|
|
|
|
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
|
|
|
|
Soon afterward, Epic, One of the Founding Writers of [MiLK], Posted
|
|
what he said was going to be HIS next [MiLK] Text File:
|
|
|
|
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
|
|
|
|
Hi-Ho, Epic dee Frog here, and I'm writing this piece right now to
|
|
support the case for abolishing lame fruit drinks like "Fruitopia" and
|
|
"Snapple".
|
|
|
|
Have you seen all the coolest alterna-teens gulping down a sickly
|
|
Fruitopia? Or the local meatheads quenching their thirst with a moldy
|
|
Snapple? I'm sure you have. These so-called beverages are ripping through
|
|
today's society like a horrible disease (much like leprosy, or shingles).
|
|
Prevent this. Drink the good shit.
|
|
|
|
Who needs crappy primate piss in a jar when you can enjoy a tall Dr
|
|
Pepper, or a refreshing Slurpee? Even a good RC Cola, a fresh lemonaide, or a
|
|
hit of gummi-bear juice would please your yearning tastebuds even more. And
|
|
of course, don't forget the Tang!
|
|
|
|
Beverages are generally made to come in nice metal cans, not big
|
|
jars. Jars should be reserved for uses such as storing jelly, or capturing
|
|
small insects (or incest. or incense for that matter.) Why does Snapple even
|
|
come in those jars anyway? If I was marketing such a horrible product (god
|
|
forbid) I would enclose it in someway that the customer couldn't see the
|
|
miserable muck they are buying. I see meatheads raise their jars of death to
|
|
their lips, and I see the liquid flow out of the jar and down their throats.
|
|
Nestea is passable, but the other crap has to go. Frankly (and I'm sure Frank
|
|
would agree), it makes me wretch.
|
|
|
|
So enjoy the finer taste sensations. If you have the cash to spare,
|
|
buy a fucking Cappio! If not, at least mix yourself up some Tang or something
|
|
worthwhile. This fruit drink crap is just the latest trend, and is sure to
|
|
pass just as quick as hula-hoops, nelson backpacks, and Coke II. Don't be a
|
|
fool. Nothing beats the real thing.
|
|
|
|
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
|
|
|
|
Well, this reply by Epic INFURIATED Jamesy, who after long thought,
|
|
saw this as an attack on himself, and retorted by calling Epic a "Wanker".
|
|
This led to Epic posting that James Hetfield was a "Noodle Butt". Well,
|
|
Jamesy deleted this post before anyone else could see it, and pulled Epic
|
|
into chat. He persisted to call Epic a "West Side Wigger" and a "Carbonated
|
|
Drink Drinking Lamer". Epic called Jamesy a "Dog Raper" and a "Piss Water
|
|
Sucker". And So On, this conversation lasted like this for about 15 minutes,
|
|
when Jamesy decided to hit the dreaded Alt-H keys. Epic jacked himself
|
|
through the cyberspace until he got back to The Obloid Sphere, where Jamesy
|
|
had so evilly hung up on him, HIM, a [MiLK] Writer himself! Epic rigged
|
|
Obloid with backdoor, that called a batch file that formatted the hard drive
|
|
whenever anyone called the BBS and typed "SAFETY PINS" at the main menu.
|
|
|
|
People began to see Epic and Jamesy fighting in the message bases,
|
|
and they all figured that it was their time to get the access they wanted,
|
|
so there was a massive upheaval of hacking and phreaking going on at Obloid.
|
|
Pretty soon everyone had s255 access and were leeching all the files in
|
|
sight. Jamesy, understanding that he couldn't control his BBS any longer,
|
|
went into seclusion. That's when Epic decided to try to conquer The Obloid
|
|
Sphere.
|
|
|
|
First, all he did was upload a trojan that played the Sound file
|
|
"Violet.669" at 200 decibels at 3am in the morning. Then, he preceeded to
|
|
lock the board to not accept new users. Finally, he locked Jamesy out of his
|
|
own board by making a Network Mode password (SEAMONKIES). Jamesy couldn't
|
|
take any more of this, and decided to leave town for a week and ponder what
|
|
his next move will be.
|
|
|
|
Jamesy went in search of help. He visited the ACME Corporation and
|
|
contracted them to develop some anti-Epic equipment, but Jamesy feared their
|
|
creations would not be able to stop Epic. He visited wise mages, oracles,
|
|
even pool hustlers for advice, he needed everything he could get.
|
|
|
|
Epic himself was scrambling for a plan. He travelled far and wide,
|
|
leeched information through the Internet, spoke with Dr. Demento, anything he
|
|
could get his (freshly washed and nice smelling) hands on. He consulted his
|
|
trusty thesaurus, his trusty stegosaurus, and even the Hitchhiker's Guide To
|
|
The Galaxy. He found himself plump with knowledge, but was still unsure on
|
|
what to do.
|
|
|
|
So that's where we are now. The anarchists are right about to make
|
|
their kill and blow up Jamesy's House. The Phreakers are right about to
|
|
steal Jamesy's phone lines. The Epic followers are right about to start
|
|
up their own Text File Group, armed with foam-spraying fire extinguishers and
|
|
40 oz'ers of Tang. And The Dish is right about to run away with the Spoon.
|
|
|
|
Will Jamesy ever return to answer his chat calls again?
|
|
Will The Obloid Sphere fall at the hands of H/P/A/V worshippers?
|
|
Will The Dish discover The Spoon's torrid affair with The Fork?
|
|
Will Epic ever make up and share his Tang with Jamesy again?
|
|
Will society at large EVER get fucking tired of that damn Collective
|
|
Soul song?
|
|
Will [MiLK] Curdle?
|
|
|
|
I guess only time will tell the answer to all these questions... but
|
|
for now, if you'd like to help out [MiLK], bow your head towards the Mango,
|
|
and come up with some decent submissions for [MiLK].. Chances are they will
|
|
be accepted... Just think, you could be the hippest cat on the block, and
|
|
it's all for a good cause! If you submit to any of the BBSes that are "Dist
|
|
Sights", or Headquarters, they will find their way back to Jamesy and will be
|
|
looked over... Please, submit to [MiLK]! We need you in our days of crisis!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Û Û [MiLK] Information
|
|
Û Û
|
|
Û Û [MiLK] Sites:
|
|
Û Û
|
|
Û Û The Obloid Sphere..........(708)965-3098 [14,400]
|
|
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û
|
|
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Asylum.................(908)914-9318 [14,400]
|
|
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û (NUP) I LOVE FEDS
|
|
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Violent Playground.........(908)920-2575 [14,400]
|
|
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Black Dragon BBS...........(703)885-3072 [14,400]
|
|
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄ> MiLK File #50: "MiLK Update 7/94" by MiLK Members <ÄÄÄ
|
|
(This File Just wasted 9172 bytes of your hard drive)
|
|
|