280 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
280 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
Ü Ü Ü Mighty Issue #42
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Ü Ü Û Û Ü illicit "he Regurgitation"
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Û ß Û Û Û ÛÛ Liquid -By whoops
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ß ß ß ß ß ß Kollections
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Ä Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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Sunlight streamed in through the open curtains, fighting its
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way to the man's eyelids, which promptly snapped open. The man
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sat up and wiped the crusty sleep out of his eyes as he swung his
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legs over the side of his bed and balanced himself on his slight
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legs. His muscles creaked as he sauntered into the bathroom
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adjacent to his bedroom. He flipped on the flourescent light and
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promptly dropped his Marvin-The-Alien pajama pants and peed in
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the toilet. He finished and pulled them back up again and turned
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to the sink. He splattered toothpaste onto a toothbrush and
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swiped it around inside his mouth before rinsing his mouth with a
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cup of tepid tap water. Spitting the concoction out, he belched
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contentedly and splashed water on his face.
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The man raised his head to look in the mirror and groaned at
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the sorry sight he saw there. The bags under his eyes were even
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bigger than they'd been the night before. They clung underneath
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his eyes like bruise-colored spider sacs, making his already
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sagging face look even droopier. His dull grey eyes looked as if
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they needed a good polishing. His big roman nose was the most
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prominent feature on his face, cutting it into four even
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sections. His lips were permanently curled up into a dull sneer,
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contrasting with the blandness of the rest of his face. He looked
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eons older than the 22 the calendar told him he was.
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He shrugged at his sad condition and turned into his bedroom
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again. He went to his dresser and pulled out a nondescript pair
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of pants and one of his many shirts that didn't seem to match
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anything else in his wardrobe. He put them on, noticing unhappily
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that the shirt fit even tighter than it had the last time he wore
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it. He shrugged again and headed downstairs to the kitchen, where
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he found his equally drab wife of one year burning some bacon for
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him. She looked five years older than her 21, especially in the
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bland housecoat that she now wore. Her hair was pulled up tight
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on her head, stretching her once-beautiful face into a gruesome
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mask of boredom. He grunted as she slapped the bacon on his plate
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and shoveled it into his mouth.
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"I'm playing golf today," he grunted to her, receiving a
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somewhat surprised but affirmative grunt in reply. He wiped his
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mouth and belched and headed out the garage door to his beater,
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grabbing his cobwebbed and dusty golf clubs down from the shelf
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where they had been waiting for him to attempt to hit little
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white round balls around some grass with them. He got in the car
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and turned the key in the ignition, and after only a few
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complaining whines from the old clunker, the car started up (if
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somewhat grudgingly). He put it into reverse and stepped on the
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gas and backed out of the small garage. He turned along the
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street and headed down to the local golf club, a sad little
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building along the side of Biff road. The fairways were badly in
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need of repair, with sporadic tufts of crab grass poking their
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way up on every hole. The greens were even worse, with
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obstructive grass and uneven ground. He sighed and pulled into
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the Biff Golf Club's narrow driveway, found a parking space and
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turned the car off. He got his clubs and trudged inside, where he
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gave his name to the receptionist who told him that he was late
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for his assigned tee-off time and would he mind waiting a half
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hour? He grunted a frustrated no in reply and went to the bar.
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The regular bartender, Louie, was serving today. The man
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pulled himself up onto one of the high stools and greeted Louie.
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"Well if my eyes don't deceive me! Scooter Nibble, you
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haven't been here for over a year!" Louie said. "How's the new
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wife been?"
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"Okay, I guess, Louie.." shrugged Scooter. "Give me
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something stiff, will ya?" he asked.
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"Sure, Scoot," Louie cheerily agreed as he served up some
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alcohol. "So how have you been, you old turkey you? Haven't seen
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you since..well, it must have been since the vampire scare of
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early last year!"
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"Yeah..." Scooter replied uncertainly. "You know, Scoot, I
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just read something in the paper a few weeks ago about that
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stuff," Louie continued.
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Scooter's eyes showed a flash of life, and his hands
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tightened around his glass. "Oh, really.." he said in his most
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nonchalant voice. "What exactly did you read?"
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"Well, now..I think it was about trouble over that chick's
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grave, you know, that Kase vamp?"
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Scott's bloodshot eyes quivered and his grip on the glass
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tightened even more. "What sort of..trouble..is this, Louie?" he
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forced himself to ask calmly.
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"Well, I can't remember quite clearly.. it was just last
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Wednesday, though, four days ago.. Hmm. I wish I'd paid more
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attention, can't help you any more than that, Scoot."
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"Oh, that's fine, Louie..pretty interesting. Maybe I'll pick
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up that paper sometime and read it..maybe sometime..Well, I
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better be going now, tee-off soon.."
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"All right, seeya later Mr. Nibble! Have a nice game now,
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you hear?"
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Scoot thanked Louie and quickly ducked back out to the
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receptionist's desk, where he cancelled his tee-off time and told
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her he had to attend to an emergency. He hustled out the door and
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into his car, stopping only momentarily to throw his grimy clubs
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into the back seat. The car complained before a short time before
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revving into life, and Scoot sped over to the nearby library. He
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walked into the building as slowly as his pounding heart would
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allow and hurried over to the local newspaper section. He found
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the right newspaper and hurriedly flipped through it, looking for
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the article. He found it, on the back side of the main section.
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WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE KASE, WONDER LOCAL POLICE.
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Picnickers in the Obloid Cemetary were astonished to find
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the tombstone of the grave of the infamous Kase VampiLamprey to
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be knocked over, and the grave empty yesterday afternoon.
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"Shucks, it was scary," Joel Amar, father of the family, said.
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"We all heard about that girl and what she done. She done some
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weird stuff, man. And to find the grave sitting right open like
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that..well, shucks!" Brian Flagg, another picnicker, concurred.
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"Never seen nothing like that before. I wonder what happened."
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Scoot's eyes scanned down the rest of the article until he
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came across this:
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Any persons having any information as to the whereabouts of
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Kase's body are to contact Neil Shazam at 1414 Azathoth Lane, Ph#
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456-4564.
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Scoot's pulse quickened even more as his memory shot back to
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the days of the VampiLamprey scare... He remembered it as if it
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was only yesterday... All those people, dead, gone.. especially
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his best friend and idol John. How he missed John... and Neil,
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heroically killing that famous blood-sucking Lamprey with his
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eggplants..what a sacrifice. He hadn't talked to Neil since then,
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and had married his drab wife soon after, perhaps to escape from
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the terror of the days. The famous Kase had put fear into the
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hearts of the people, and Scoot had done nothing about it. He had
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trembled too much to even appear in the story about Kase, and
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suffered constant shame as a result.
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Scooter stood up from his chair, rubbed his shaking hands on
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his pants, and, waiting till nobody was looking, tore the article
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out of the paper and placed the paper back on its rack and left
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the library. He stepped out into the weak sunlight and shaded his
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eyes. He went to the payphone at the side of the library door and
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plunked in the 31 cents necessary and dialed the #: 456-4564. He
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heard Neil's voice and shakily explained the situation.
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"Neil, it's Scoot," he stammered. "There's a problem. Kase
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is on the loose, I think."
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"Scoot? Geez, been a while. Calm down boy, what's going on?"
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"I found an article, in the paper," Scoot said. "Her grave
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is open! She's alive, still! Damnit Neil you have to help us!"
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"Uh.. she's DEAD, Scoot..I killed her. Well, I guess I'll
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look into it. Whatever. But I really gotta go, Scoot.. Cya." he
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hung up before Scoot could say more. Scoot sadly hung up the
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phone, fear in the pit of his very being.
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_________________________________________________________________
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At home, Neil hung up the phone thoughtfully. Scoot had
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always been paranoid, but this... Well, maybe he'd look into it.
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He grabbed his token cup of coffee and an eggplant to munch on
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and jumped into his car, revved the engine and bolted out of the
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driveway. He drove around aimlessly for a while, thinking about
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what Scoot had said over the phone. Then all of a sudden his
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engine died in the middle of the road. He turned the ignition
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quizzically only to receive a splutter and a groan from the old
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car.
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Neil took a frustrated bite out of the eggplant, swore and
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stepped out of the car and went to lift the hood, only to be
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thrown to the ground forcefully by 185 pounds of vampilamprey. He
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quickly jammed the eggplant into the vampilamprey's nearest
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orifice, praying that they all were members of the priestess'
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eggplant cult. He was lucky this time. The vampilamprey quickly
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rolled off him and cradled the eggplant in its mouth. It
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skittered off in the direction of the Obloid Cemetery without a
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backward glance at Neil. Neil lifted the hood of the car and saw
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that the transmission was scrooed, there was no way he could fix
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it and still see what was going on. He swore again and grabbed
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another eggplant out of the handy supply he kept in the car,
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munched on it (protein!) and trotted off in the direction of the
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Cemetery.
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_________________________________________________________________
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Scooter got into his car and started it up, without
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realizing until he was halfway there that he was on his way to
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the Cemetery. He pulled up into the driveway of Obloid Cemetery,
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noting with a grim smile the decrepit condition of the place. He
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parked along a side of the path and walked out to where he knew
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Kase's grave was. The tombstone was still flat on the ground, and
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he shuffled closer to it to get a better look. "Roast In Peace"
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said the top of the inscription. "Here Lies Kase, The
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VampiLamprey. May She Rot In Hell For Eternity." With a sad sigh,
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Scoot realized that that was far from what she was doing. She, or
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someone with her corpse, was on the run, and a danger to all.
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A hand gripped his shoulder. Scoot turned around slowly,
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terror pounding in his heart and in his pants. He came face to
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face with Her.. the bitch. Her looks were far from what they had
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been, and she was covered with dirt. Understandable, since she
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had been thrown in the ground without a casket. Her teeth were
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yellow and moldy and looking even sharper than they should have
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been. Scoot breathed heavily and wiped his hands on his pants,
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trying to speak but not having the guts.
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Kase hissed at him and glared evilly, and then disappeared
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as quickly as she had come. She had grown more powerful in her
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time six feet under. Scoot fell down on the ground and panted
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wildly, curled up in the fetal position. He stuck his thumb in
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his mouth and slowly drifted into a sleep filled with terrifying
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nightmares. He dreamt he was being suffocated slowly, every last
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breath being torn from his grasp, a lamprey slowly sucking the
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blood of life from him.
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Scoot awoke with a start, to see only feet, thousands of
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feet. He quaked and tried to move his arms, to stand up, to run
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away, to get the fuck out of here, but found that he was buried
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up to his neck, in Kase's grave. He started to cry, the tears
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running down his face like waterfalls, pooling on the dirt
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underneath his chin. He looked up to see thousands of evil
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grinning, gleaming faces staring at him hungrily.
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Kase had recruits, Scoot swore to himself. The sweat poured
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off his body so thickly that it turned the surrounding dirt into
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mud, which he started clinging to his body, dragging him down
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further into the ground. The other vampilampreys slowly inched in
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toward him, hunger in their eyes. At the same moment, they all
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stopped and threw themselves on the ground, as Kase came walking
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up towards Scoot with a nasty glare in her eye. Scoot prayed like
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he had never prayed before for the intervention of God, or maybe
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a really cool lamprey hunter like Neil. He whimpered as Kase
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neared him, cringing as he saw the malicious look in her eye.
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Suddenly a commotion stirred several of the groveling
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vampilampreys to their feet. Neil had shown up! A spark of hope
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struck Scoot's head. Neil broke his way into the circle of
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Lampreys, knocking Kase to her feet, making her swear viciously
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at the intrusion. He kicked her and started beating her with his
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precious eggplant, juice splattering everywhere. He paused for a
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moment and turned to grab Scoot's neck and yank him up from the
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depths of the earth, far enough for Scoot to grab onto the
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tombstone and heave his body out the rest of the way. Neil hacked
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away at Kase some more with the eggplant, until she screamed and
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clawed at the eggplant, trying to get it away from his cruel
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hands. She grabbed it from him and gathered it in close to her,
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cradling it in her arms. The other vampilampreys, after seeing
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their master degraded so, woke up and realized that they, too,
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had sorry lives and would be better off writing [MiLK] files or
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something and they left. Neil hurriedly told Scoot "Watch her.
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Make sure she doesn't go anywhere," over his shoulder as he ran
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towards the entrance to the Cemetery.
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Scoot nervously walked around Kase for a few minutes which
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stretched into a few more and then a few more, and he found
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himself still pacing over the quivering ball of hatred. She still
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held the bruised eggplant in her arms and seemed to be comforting
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it. As Scoot watched in fascination, the eggplant's bruises began
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to even out and lose their discoloration, and the eggplant slowly
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turned back to the normal deep violet that it had once been.
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Scooter quickly kicked the eggplant again, and Kase's teeth
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snapped as she growled and huddled around the eggplant, nurturing
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it once more.
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Scoot heard someone breathing heavily behind him and turned
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around to see Neil, with a large bag of eggplants on his back.
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"Neil, the eggplants! I think that's what she wants!" he
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gasped. Neil nodded and said nothing and quickly opened up the
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grave once more. He threw in a few of the eggplants and then
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picked up Kase and threw her into the hole as well. He topped it
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off with a few eggplants and covered them with the rest of the
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dirt, packing it down tightly. He laid down a few more eggplants
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on top of the grave. "For good measure," he said, leaving two
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left. He picked up one and started to munch on it and handed the
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other to Scoot and then headed out of the Obloid Cemetery, for
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the last time, he hoped. Scoot shook his head in amazement and
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followed him out, giving nary a glance to the grave of the most
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exciting thing in his life.
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Û Û [MiLK] Information
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Û Û
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Û Û [MiLK] Sites:
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Û Û
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Û Û The Obloid Sphere..........(708)965-3098 [14,400]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û CUM........................(708)961-1220 [14,400]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Asylum.................(908)914-9318 [14,400]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û (NUP) I LOVE FEDS
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û [MiLK] Issue #042 by whoops
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ This file is Exactly 15814 bytes long
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