93 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
93 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
Û Û [MiLK] Û Û
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Û Û Û Û
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Û Û Mighty Issue #11 Û Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û illicit "SuperMarket Sweep" Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û Liquid By Epic Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û Kollections Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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I tend to generally avoid television, perferring instead to gain my
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pleasure from computer systems, substance abuse, music, and steamy cooter.
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But there have been times when I have flipped on the beast to see if there
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was "anything good on" (actually I was hoping to catch a glimpse of Fabio,
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but he doesn't appear much). One show that caught my eye was the wholly
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remarkable, "Supermarket Sweep", which can be viewed on Lifetime television,
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or by sticking the co-axial cable directly into your brain. The second method
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provides a crisper image, but not the hi-fidelity audio that I'm sure your
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television has. Take your pick.
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Anyway, here is the premise of the show : A obviously homosexual
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male (the host) asks three teams lots of stupid questions about food. The
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three teams consist of two people each, usually husband and wife, or
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relatives. I prefer to watch the relatives, because they smile more than the
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married couples. "Price Is Right" regulars of the 80's should do very well
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with the questions on Supermarket Sweep, because they are quite similar
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(I know when I was a young lad I would feign illness just to see Bob Barker
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drool over his co-hosts, and to see a round of Plinko, but that's a whole
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'nother text file). For each stupid question the contestants answer correctly,
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they get 10 extra seconds of esctasy in the "sweep". This really fun thing
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will be explained in the following paragraph, which you may read at your
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leisure.
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Well, that's the first part of the show. You might as well just skip
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that part, because it's no fun. There's no excitement, no blood, not even
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partial frontal nudity. The party kicks into overdrive during the second half
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of the show, the "sweep". Using the time limits imposed by the contestants'
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performance in the first round, they get to run around a big supermarket, and
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just throw whatever they find into their cart. The contestants seem to fly
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around the supermarket pretty fast in their quest to gain food items; I know
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when I go shopping I can't manipulate my three-wheeled cart nearly as fast
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as these daredevils. They are only allowed five (5) of each type of food
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item, so this makes their duty a bit more difficult. Favorite items to obtain
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seem to be diapers, turkeys, and metamucil (gotta stay regular). The
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contestants fill their cart full of the desired items, and then rush back to
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the check-out counter to get another cart, and do it all over again, until
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their time limit expires.
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This seems pretty simple, and it is, but there are "special" things
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to add to the excitement, and of course, the fun. (Special things add a lot
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to any occasion. Try them next groundhog's day, or at a wedding) Giant
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plastic representations of food items are placed strategically around the
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store, and add extra value to your shopping load. (This part of the show is
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the most fun, seeing a can of root beer 5 feet tall is reason enough to tune
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in every day).
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When the time has expired, the contestants return to the check-out
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counter, and the total value of the food is figured out during a commerical
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break. The team with the highest value wins the game and goes to play a
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special bonus thingy, which doesn't look like very much fun.
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That is the entire show. Not too exciting is it? Well, no, not
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really, but it's just about the best thing you are ever going to find on TV.
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And even if the show does suck, YOU took the time to even read a little essay
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on it (this puppy here), so the show can't be much worse. If you can find
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anything more constructive to do with your time than watch TV (write a novel,
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feed the homeless, or destroy a third world country), please do so. If not,
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be sure to tune into Supermarket Sweep.
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Well, I hope you enjoyed this informative look at one of the most
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intriguing programs of our time. Next file I'll try not to use as many big
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words. It makes it hard for the translators, you see. Unless you are blind.
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Then maybe you can "C". As always, eat your vitamins. But stay away from
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minerals, they may chip your teeth, requiring extensive dental work, and we
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all know, if you had enough money to afford extensive dental work, you'd
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probably be getting that root canal you've always wanted instead of reading
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this. So, happy trails, and remember, if we don't look good, then we sure
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hope you don't either.
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è è è è è è è è è è è è è è [MiLK] Information è è è è è è è è è è è è è è è
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[MiLK] Sights - Barney's Pleasure Palace! (708)965-3098
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The Lunatic Phringe (708)232-0565
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[MiLK] Member Listing - James Hetfield
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Nyarlathotep
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Epic
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Plaid Wilderbeast
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[MiLK] Issue Number - 12
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[MiLK] Issue Size - 5715 Bytes
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[MiLK] Date of Production: 2/20/93
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è è è è è è The World is Meltin', So is My Jello Puddin' Pop! è è è è è è è è
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