informis
/
textfiles
1
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Pull Requests Packages Projects Releases Wiki Activity
textfiles/magazines/M00SE/m00se33

644 lines
32 KiB
Plaintext
Raw Blame History

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Nointy Issue - 'Nointy Issue - 'Nointy Issue - 'Nointy Issue - 'Nointy Issue -
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_ /\ _ _ /\ _
/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
\_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/
/ \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \
/ \__/ \ M M M 0// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \
/__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\
DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS
D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S
D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS
D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S
DDDD R R OOOO P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS
A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
M00SE ILLUMINATI
Issue #33| Disclaimer: The Editors will place almost anything in |Nov. 17, 1989
---------- this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill the --------------
issue, so don't blame them for the quality or content of the submissions. Except
-ing those they may have written themselves, the enclosed items do not in any
way represent the Editors' fnord opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say
that as far as this newsletter is concerned, they have no opinions at all. OK?
================================================================================
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
************************************* STAFF ************************************
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Editor - Patrick Salsbury <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
Submissions to: DangerM00se <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
Back issue requests: WarM00se <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
M00se List updates and changes: Darkling M00se <V123NKUX@UBVMS.BITNET>
(This space to let): Contact <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS ****************************
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello, all!
Here I sit, diligently typing away, as my grades slip slowly and surely
down the toilet. 8-)
Not much new here. The flag-burning issue is slowing to a simmer, but
there is a bright light on the horizon as we begin to research the purchasing of
rubber stamps to start stamping U.S. currency. ;^) If anyone is interested,
please send me e-mail. My "contact" says a stamp may cost between $10-$30, but I
think we may be able to get a discount if we order several/a lot.
If you are interested, or if you have no idea what I'm talking about,
but want to learn, then send to MHANDELS@DREW.BITNET and he'll be glad to give
you more info. (Even though he has NO idea I'm writing this, and will find out
at the same time you do! ;^) )
-Pat Salsbury
-DangerM00se
V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Still no word on M.I. T-shirts, (C'mon, Bill!), but if you buy the
ILLUMINATI EXPANSION SET #2 but Steve Jackson Games, you get a pin with the
eye-in-the-pyramid symbol and the words "I've been Illuminated." Also, they have
a catalog so you can order other neat stuff. They have illuminati symbol enamel
pins and car-wars kill stickers, etc. etc. etc....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
WAAAAAAAAYYYYY back in issue #1, Bill Dickson was talking about how the
FBI fnord has probably got a file for each and every one of us because we're
receiveing this subversive, underground newsletter. He said that he was going to
write to them in 5 years and ask for his file. He understands that they have to
give it to you, but that they can black out (with magic marker) anything that
they don't want you to know (about yourself!). :)
Well, I've been thinking about it, and since I KNOW that I have an FBI
fnord file, ever since this summer (Don't ask. ;^) ), I thought I would start
SENDING them things to put in my file. Things that I want kept for posterity. :)
I think I may start sending them issues of Droppings, but I'll have to edit out
things like the flag-burning fnord, the currency stamping fnord, and, for that
matter, THIS! :)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In the spirit of Jack "The Joker" Nicholson, and the weirdness of the
M.I. (BTW, I've semi-adopted '-Weirdness' as another signature of mine, just so
you know), I mailed out a letter/bill to an insurance company today (from when I
cut my finger - another story) and, in addition to the standard ball-point-pen
address and return address, I added the word 'Urgent.' written with my left hand
in green crayon on the front of the envolope. This is just one small example of
the power of crayon, and I think that EVERYONE should start carrying at LEAST
one crayon, and preferably the standard pack of 8 Crayolas (Which is what I
have). A note of warning/usefullness. Purple crayon, by its very nature, has
such a high believability-rate, that anything written in it is absolutely and
unarguably true. (So if you were to take a test, do miserably on it, but write
'This is an "A"' at the top in purple crayon, then it will be an A. :) (Even
better is to write the word "KEY" at the top, then everyone else's test will
have to be graded according to YOUR answers! ;^) )
Don't try to cancel purple crayon with other purple crayon. I'm not sure
what would happen, but I bet it's nasty.
-Pat
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
By the way...Notice anything different about the disclaimer on this or
the last issue? No? I thought not. (Heh Heh Heh!) Don't bother to check it out.
I'm sure it won't help.....Really! Don't bother to look!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Regarding the LLL:
I love lobsters.....however, I love me broiled! HAHAHAHA!
Do not be swayed by the sweet tongued, deceptive crustaceans!
They are evil! Whores of the deep! Deal with them in the manners
the deserve! Steamed, broiled, fried, even raw! Broil the lobsters,
fry the clams, steam the scallops, and baste the mussels!!!!!!
Join the Society For the Consumption of Crustaceans!!!!!!
Your lobster-munching guru,
Lord Trelf
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ********************************
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I worked this out a while ago. It's a handy little macro for those
m00ses out there that use EMACS to to their editing. I use it
contantly. It automatially inserts 00 when you type "oo" or "OO" --
indispensable!.
--Michael (mighty M00SE) Hirsch
(defun moose(arg)
"start of a whole M00SE-mode"
(if (or (< (current-column) 1)
(not (save-excursion (forward-char -1) (looking-at arg))))
(insert arg)
(delete-char -1)
(insert "00")))
(defun moose-O()
(interactive)
(moose "O"))
(defun moose-o()
(interactive)
(moose "o"))
(local-set-key "o" 'moose-o)
(local-set-key "O" 'moose-O)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
***************************** FICTION AND POETRY *******************************
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From Eric Bjarnason <JVINCENT@EAGLE.WESLEYAN.EDU>
Star Dreck by Hemingway
I was the captain. I was heading for the bridge. The captain
belonged on the bridge. He was the captain. I walked onto the
bridge.
Uhura was the communications officer. She was sitting at the
communications console. Dammit, Uhura was ugly. Probably everyone on
the bridge thought so. Chekov thought so. If only those damn script
writers would put it in the damn script. Then maybe one of us could
say it. Damn.
I turned to Uhura. "Put Kahn on the screen", I said.
"Kahn?"
"Yes, Kahn."
"On the screen?"
"Yes, the screen."
"You want me to put Kahn on the screen?"
Dammit, Uhura was stupid too. Just then Kahn came on the screen.
I said, "God dammit Kahn, what do you want?"
"I want all the information on the Genesis Project."
"The information?"
"Yes."
"On the Genesis Project?"
"Yes."
"All of it?"
"Yes."
It seemed as though Kahn wanted all the information on the Genesis
Project. Dammit, Kahn was ugly. But I knew this Kahn. He was out to destroy
me. I couldn't give him the information. I had to destroy him. If I gave
him the information then he would destroy me and I knew I had to destroy him.
I told Chekov to load the torpedo tubes. The torpedo tubes held the
photon torpedos. The photon torpedos would destroy Kahn. Chekov loaded the
torpedo tubes. Kahn was on the screen again. "I want all the information on
the Genesis Project."
I told Chekov to fire the photon torpedos.
"Here it comes," I said.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Armadillo -- Chapter Three
The Armadillo stalked down the hallway and descened the stairs, en
route to the local department of the NYPD, the dame in tow. Reaching the
street, he brushed loose cement and gravel from the hood of his car, a
mint-condition Model-T Ford with a modified engine that let him do a
break-neck speed of 35 m.p.h. He motioned the dame into the passenger seat,
and once inside said, "So, what's your name, Shweetheart?"
"Bunny," she breathed. "Bunny Wabbyt"
"Your folks had a helluva sense of humor," The Armadillo said.
"Do you really think they were funny?" Bunny asked.
"No, I just said they had a helluva sense of humor. Elephants have a
helluva strong odor, but that don't mean they smell good. Now, we're
heading down to Precinct 96 to check in with a drinking buddy of mine
who shood be able to get you some protection and give me some leads."
As they drove away, they passed a very undercover looking car with
a very government agent looking person inside. The very government
agent looking person picked up her car phone and said, "Agent Hindenburgs
to Scout Leader Q. Agent Hindenburgs to Scout Leader Q. Chrome Dome has been
sited. Repeat - Chrome Dome has been sited. Proceeding"
Arriving at the Precinct, The Armadillo braced himself for what was
always an annoying string of occurences. His friend Lt. Malone [named
after his father's favorite character in 'The Untouchables'] was always
willing to help him, but some of the other boys in the precinct wouldn't
let him forget that he wasn't exactly human. This time, he was determined
to put an end to the jibes as well get the info he needed.
He actually made it halfway through the precinct before the jokes
started.
"Phew. Smells like a wild animal just walked in."
"Hey, that reminds me. I have to wax my car this weekend."
"Ya' know, he kinda' looks like an armadillo I once ran over down in
Texas about 10 years ago."
That did it.
The Armadillo walked up to the person who made the last remark while
Bunny looked on, sensing something bad was about to go down. The Armadillo
stopped inches before the man who uttered that last, fateful joke.
"Think that's funny, bud?" he asked.
The smart-assed cop grinned. "Sure do."
"What's your name boy?" The Armadillo asked.
"Lt. Roland T. Gunner."
"Ya' know, Rolly, my mother was run over about ten years ago in Texas,"
The Armadillo said.
Everyone in the room winced. Everyone, that is, except Gunner.
"Ya' gonna report me, MetalHead?"
"No," said The Armadillo, ice in his breath.
"So am I supposed to care?" quipped Gunner.
With amazing speed [for an Armadillo anyway], The Armadillo grabbed
Gunner by the back of the head and slammed it into his chest. Gunner's
head impacted with The Armadillo's chest armor. Gunner, not surprisingly,
hit the floor, dreaming of large women, onion dip, and coils of copper
wire. [He was a weird guy.]
The Armadillo looked about the room with hard, staring eyes. "How do
you think he feels now," he asked. "Better? Or Worse?" Without another word,
he walked the rest of the way to Malone's office. Bunny stared at him in awe
every step of the way.
It took Malone thirty minutes to find the info that The Armadillo wanted.
Finally he looked up from his terminal and said, "According to the records,
Alfonse Capone was buried in a small cemetary in Chicago when he died. But
there was an entry in Chicago Police Department's Records and the F.B.I. that
the grave was dug up and the body stolen two weeks ago. The F.B.I. figures
it was just some looney who stole it. They haven't been able to recover it."
"Then he IS alive!" Bunny screeched. " I told you!"
"Apparently you were right, Doll," The Armadillo said.
"What the hell are you two talking about?" asked Malone.
The Armadillo took a swig of bourbon, grimaced, and said, "Apparently
Al Capone is alive and trying to take over the Mafia in New York City,
Jimmy."
"That's ridiculous," exclaimed Malone. "That couldn't happen! It's
impossible."
"And I suppose a walking armadillo isn't?" said The Armadillo
sarcastically.
"Yeah, you're right. God I need a drink"
"Well then," said The Armadillo, "let's go."
Just then the phone rang. Malone picked it up, looked confused, and
handed it to The Armadillo. "It's for you."
He took it. "Yeah, The Armadillo speakin'."
"Dillo, you're a dead man," said an metallic Chicago-Italian voice.
"Let me guess...you must be RoboCapone," The Armadillo said, sarcastically
again. [He seems to be growing a taste for sarcasm.]
Just then a bull-horn sounded.
"COME OUT PEACEFULLY! THIS IS THE MEGA-INTELLIGENCE BUREAU! WE HAVE THE
PRECINCT SURROUNED!"
"Ah shit," said The Armadillo. "I knew it was gonna' be one of those
days."
BUNNY WABBYT? HAS THE AUTHOR LOST HIS MIND?????????
WILL CAPONE KILL THE ARMADILLO?
WILL THE M.I.B. KILL THE ARMADILLO?
WILL TOO MUCH BORBOUN KILL THE ARMADILLO?
WILL THE ARMADILLO HAVE SEX WITH BUNNY?
WILL SEX WITH BUNNY KILL THE ARMADILLO?
SHOULD I EVER LISTEN TO WARREN ZEVON AGAIN WHILE WRITING A STORY?
The answers to these and other questions are still sitting in THAT DAMNED
ENVELOPE AT 'RICK'S PLACE', but since it doesn't seem you are gonna' go
there, tune in next time...
Same Armadillo time......Same Armadillo channel.....
Superguy Digest, a division of the Turner Broadcasting Network
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From Joanne Rosenshein <JROSENSH@SBCCVM.BITNET>
On the twelfth day of dieting, M00se love gave to me:
Twelve hot fidge sundaes,
Eleven Hostess Twinkies,
Ten cherry cheese cakes,
Nine lady fingers,
Eight date nut muffins,
Seven oatmeal cookies,
Six bags of Fritos,
*FIVE* coffee rings,
Four sticky buns,
Three Clark bars,
Two marbled cakes,
And a pizza with pepperoni.
to.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(And something I just got this morning.... -Pat)
|---------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| #=============# /\ ******************* |
| # E U R O P E # North-Pole ~~~~~ ***** ************ |
| #=============# ~~~~~~ ******* ********* |
| ******** ********** |
| North- **N***** ******F***** |
| ** Sea *******S* *********** |
| *** **** **** *********** |
| ~~~~ *** ~~~~~ *** *********** |
| ~~~~~~~ ** *** ~~~ ** ******** |
| ~~ ~~~~~~~ *IR *GB* ***** ************ |
| ~~ ~~~ ** ****** ** ***************************** |
| ~~~~ ******* **H**********GDR******************** |
| |\ *************************P************ |
| | \ **************GER******************USSR*** |
| ~~~ | \ ******F******************************** |
| |___\ ~~~~ *************/^^\**/\***************** |
| ___/oo___ ************/C/^^-^^\***A******H******* |
| ~~\______/~~~ ***********/^-^/^^^*\^^\/\************** |
| ~~~~ ************************************** |
| <== A M E R I C A =<<< ********* ******** *************** |
| ****** ***** **Y********** |
| *************** ** **** ************ |
| ~~~~~~ *************** *** *I** *********** |
| ~~~~~ ~~ *******S****** ** ***** *********** |
| ~~~~~~ *P************* ~~ **** ********** |
| ~~ ************** ~~~ ****** ********** |
| ********** ~~~~ ***** ** ******* |
| N ~~~~ |
| | ****** Mediterranian ~~~~ |
| W--+--E **** ****************** ~~~~ |
| | **** ********************** |
| S *** A F R I C A /------------------|
| *** / (C)1988 Olaf Wendt
-------------------------------------------------------/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*************************** M00SCELLANEOUS NONSENSE ****************************
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From Bloop! Bloop bloop? BL00P! <MOOSE@DRUNIVAC.BITNET>
The Carnivorous Eggplant will make you free!
"Free from what?" you may ask. But if you were truly free, then you would not
need to ask this question, for the Eggplant brings enlightenment. When you
fully believe in the Eggplant, you will at last KNOW from what (or from whom)
you have been freed.
How can you become free? First, you must know the history of the Eggplant from
certain basic questions that must be asked.
Q. Who is the Eggplant?
A. The Eggplant is the Creator of All!! Its Holy Carnivorous created the
first humans, Irving and Hilda. They ate of green M&M's and learned of
lust. Thusly, they lived happily ever after. From lack of support, the
Eggplant developed amnesia and committed various horrible crimes for
which It must now atone. Only by strong belief in It may we free It from
Its amnesia, so It may rise from sewage, retaining Its purity.
Q. What will the Eggplant do for ME?
A. When the Eggplant is freed, It will in turn free the faithful.
Will you be one?
Q. Where did the Eggplant come from?
A. It was always here.
Q. How can one worship the Eggplant?
A. By giving sacrifices of green M&M's, spreading the word, and wearing
purple on alternate (or alternative) Wednesdays.
Basic Facts about the Eggplant:
The sacred day is Wednesday.
The sacred number is 17.
The Eggplant is loved everywhere.
The Holy Color is purple.
The second most Holy Color is green.
Some sins committed by the Eggplant while in amnesia:
1. God.
2. Centuries of bloody warfare.
3. Centuries of bloody peace.
4. Post-Natal depression.
5. Ronald Reagan.
6. Ronald McDonald.
** Applications for Messiah are now being carelessly screened **
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Second in the Kinky Cat Sex Series:
The Voyages of the Good Ship Censor
===================================
The ship is white, her sails are square;
though often slow, she's everywhere.
Her name is boldly writ in back,
"The S.S. Censor", in blood and black.
You may not know her from the fore,
she shoots, 'fore raising her flag of war.
But when freedom has died and lost the fray,
you know her name, as she sails away.
She must be shunned, she carries a plague,
wherever she calls, she brings an ague.
Creative thoughts, quietly repressed,
'til nothing new can be expressed.
It's not the seas are her domain,
the sea she sails is your very brain.
So do not dare be different or strange,
for no-one's free from her far flung range.
Even sailing winds of caution and care,
of the ship itself, you must still beware.
And when she catches a gale of hate,
the destruction done is especially great.
Prudence Bland is the captain's name,
her cardinal rule, to keep things the same.
The ship is crewed by fearful souls,
they strive to play their appointed roles.
Sex, is the captain's current foe,
the open expression of love must go.
But everything the captain hates,
must be hid from all, behind iron gates.
What can keep this ship in check?
It's quite impossible to reck.
The only hope, is to teach the crew,
they have no right to blinker you.
The captain never leaves the ship,
but needs a crew, to frenzy and whip.
The crew's still there to rely upon,
and the good ship Censor still sails on.
Copyright 1988
# Hugh D. Gamble (416) 267-6159 No Disclaimers.
# hugh@kink.UUCP
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From V093P9AX@UBVMS (Still no m00sey name in sight from this one....)
Things IV: Planal Darts
INTRODUCTIoN
----------------------------
Well, it just goes to show that we can all relate to things in general,
in private, and in lieutenant- colonel. When trying to cure acute loneliness
with a cute female, do not under or over any circumstances forget the
angioplasts. Then, rinse your eyes with some E.Coli.
BoWLING FoR GAUZE PADS
---------------------------
"Limberger, lumgrunkle, why are you shining so bright?" Please pass the
cheddar, I may die of cod.
The above is the main outcome of a conflict when trying to compile a
program in Modula-2 on a commodore Vic-20. One can question the existence of
tuna, but one won't fly to Japan on a Trump shuttle overnight.
BACK TO THE QUESTION OF THINGS
------------------------------
We still cannot deny the ever-present (opened and unopened) existence of
things, or what I call THINGS, or what I may refer to as MYCXAHJGWQQ, which, of
course, is pronounced <things>, but is phoenetically spelled
<ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHmageddon>, but in some cultures is spelled like the ancient
word for grock, which is JUNG!, but sounds like the sound made when you play
Gnip Gnop, and tastes like the taste you taste when you repair a motorcycle.
MoRE NEGATIVE STIMULI
--------------------------------
NO! CATUSUSusES are our friends!! Don't mess with a wigwam!! It can
cause cancer of the hair.
CLoSING THoUGHTS
--------------------------------
We have seen from this and earlier THINGS that we have gone quite far in
our reserach to dis- cover the reason for making research. Benefically, this was
started by Benny Fishelly. But, some things have changed, so I rewired the damn
thing and put the batteries in backwards, and now it works fine, but I don't get
good reception on April 31st.
ON TO THE FUTURE!!!!!!<Things V???>
When in doubt, shoubt.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
******************************* MEET THE M00SES ********************************
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE PETER DICRESCENZO CHAPTER OF THE M00SE ILLUMINATI
a.k.a. THE GRAHAM CHAPMAN MEMORIAL CHAPTER OF THE M00SE ILLUMINATI
Bull M00se: Peter J. DiCrescenzo
Box 2004, Suite 128
New Britain, CT 06050
(203) 826-0448
Grand P00bah: Pete DiCrescenzo
P.O. Box 2004, Rm. 128
New Britain, CT 06050
(203) 826-0448
Treasurer: P. "Gumby" DiCrescenzo
Box 2004, Room 128
New Britain, CT 06050
(203) 826-0448
A brief history of the Peter DiCrescenzo Chapter of the Moose Illuminati now
follows;
WARNING! The following brief history of the Peter DiCrescenzo Chapter of the
M00se Illuminati is NOT, repeat, NOT in any way, shape, or form related to the
erroneous previously mentioned following brief history of the Peter DiCrescenzo
Chapter of the Moose Illuminati. If one notices, the recently-re-mentioned,
erroneous previously mentioned following brief history of the Peter DiCrescenzo
Chapter of the Moose Illuminati has no '00' in 'M00se.' Rather, the
aforementioned recently-re-mentioned erroneous previously mentioned brief
history of the Peter DiCrescenzo Chapter of the Moose Illuminati has only two
very common and quite drab-and-awful lower-case oh's to speak of. It should be
noted that the scribe responsible for this error has been summarily executed
for willful conspiracy to present false and completely irrelevant information,
ergo, elk.
[ The Bull M00se would prefer it known that the Scribe responsible for
correcting the pre-presentation of "The Brief History Of The Peter
DiCrescenzo Chapter of the M00se Illuminati" has been sacked, as there was no
such pre-presentation of "The Brief History Of The Peter DiCrescenzo Chapter
of the M00se Illuminati" WHATSOEVER, erroneous or otherwise, and he was quite
a silly person indeed. Similarly mistaken views may report to our Employee
and Associate Counselor, Bradford "Mongo the Bloody" Cambridge. ]
IN THE EARLY FALL OF 1989, an incoming student at Central Connecticut State
University was beset by a slew of perplexing situations quite common to the
average Type-A personality profile, but a completely new kettle of fish to
his own experience. One morning, amid midterm exam blues and ARA Food Service
Aftershock in Memorial Hall (Cafe du Salmonella), a complete and total stranger
brusquely strode up to this student, placed his thumbs to either side of his
head, wiggled his open palms enthusiastically, whispered "bl00p," and walked
away, melting into the lunchtime crowds, not to be seen evermore.
Hours later, befuddled and suffering from Post-ARA-Meatball syndrome, the
student puzzled and muddled over the strange occurrence that afternoon.
Countless attempts at explaining the phenomenon were to no avail; It could not
possibly have been someone from his classes. There was no chance at all it
would have been his RA. There was always the possibility, of course, that it
was someone from the Registration office. The errant student was about to
write it off as a stray Theatre Major when a series of convulsions brought on
by two obscure chemicals blended into the nominally edible cuisine he had
consumed happened to combine during digestion. His body shocked into a state
of utter disbelief, the student's consciousness fought to rise to a more
comfortable, if incoherent, state of being.
A sensation not unlike wading through a sea of warm, cherry-flavored edible
massage oil washed over the student, and a voice, deep and ancient, rose from
the depths of the student's previously unenlightened spirit, carrying with it
an image, a symbol; a mighty m00se, melded with the form of an all-seeing
pyramid; and the voice imparted a great wisdom unto the student, for the m00se
spake but one word:
"bl00p."
And the student's soul was thus illuminated.
Hiya!
Peter DiCrescenzo "Ice Lord"
DICRESCE@CTSTATEU
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Michael Oose, a M00se for All Seasons
Michael Oose appears to be your ordinary sort of m00se. He's big and hairy,
with huge antlers and large (hairy, of course) nostrils. He consumes
vegetative matter for his sustenance, sleeps, and occasionally makes a little
m00se. He takes great pride in his antlers, keeping them nice and sharp and
mossy.
Michael is a friendly sort of fellow, only occasionally goring a passer-by.
However, none of this is particularly remarkable. It is all well within
the norm of m00sedom. No, there are two things that make Michael unusual.
One is a membership in an organization, but we can't talk about that. There-
fore, we're going to discuss the second unusual facet of Michael Oose: he
is learning to program.
At the moment, Michael is a compsci student at Drew University in Madison,
NJ. He is learning pascal, and is currently taking Csci 5. How has
Michael surmounted the difficulties inherent in being a m00se in a human
world? "It hasn't been easy," he admits. "For one thing, I can't stay in
a normal dorm room, I can't eat with everyone else, I can't type on a
keyboard due to my hooves, and I have to lay low during hunting season."
Michael uses a special pointer device held in his teeth to type, in a
manner similar to that of severely paralyzed humans. When asked if he is
having any particular problems with the course load, his only comment is
that "packed arrays are kind of tough."
How has this m00se learned the art of verbal communication, of human speech?
When asked, he looks shy and smiles, in a m00sey sort of way and claims that
it's all due to his mother.
Michael is also an exceptional athlete. He is a prized member of Drew
University's Rugby Football Club, making both an impact on the social
scene as well as raising the overall GPA of the team with his 3.3 cumulative
average. He says he would also like to do a radio show on the campus radio
station, WMNJ, but he cannot fit into the studio. Poor Michael.
Are there more m00ses like Michael? He will not say. However, the portion
of the story that we were not allowed to tell indicates that there may be
a vast network of m00ses poised to enter the upper echelons and corridors
of power in American society, and perhaps all over the world. What kind
of world will they bring? Who knows. We almost didn't include this last bit
because you'd think it was a paranoid, crackpot idea. However, can you
be totally certain?
_ /\ _
/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
\_____/ () \_____/
/ \
/ \__/ \
/__________\
(From M00SE@DRUNIVAC)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*************** AND, OF COURSE, THE UBIQUITOUS M00SE LIST UPDATE ***************
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't heard from Darkling M00se, so I'm sending this issue out
without the update. But we are switching to a new method. Every 5th issue (i.e.
35, 40,...) will have a complete list, and all others will just have the
changes, additions, deletions, etc. since the last issue.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Nointy Issue - 'Nointy Issue - 'Nointy Issue - 'Nointy Issue - 'Nointy Issue -
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reference in New Issue View Git Blame Copy Permalink