211 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
211 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
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_ /\ _ _ /\ _
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/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
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\_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/
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/ \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \
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/ \__/ \ M M M O// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \
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/__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\
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DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS
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D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S
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D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS
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D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S
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DDDD R R OOO0 P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS
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A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
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M00SE ILLUMINATI
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Issue #1 | Disclaimer: The Editor will place almost anything | June 17, 1988
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---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill ---------------
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the issue, so don't blame him for the quality or content of the submissions.
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Excepting those he may have written himself, the enclosed items do not in any
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way represent the Editor's opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say that
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as far as this newsletter is concerned, he has no opinions at all. Okay? Good.
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===============================================================================
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----------------------
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EDITORIALS AND LETTERS
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----------------------
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EDITORIAL: By Pickle
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Well, here it is. The first issue of M00se Droppings: A-M00se-ing
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Anecdotes and Illumination By and For the Pawns of the M00se Illuminati.
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(Big inhale....long, slow, bl00ping exhale.) With this innovation we move
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one step closer to confusing the entire world. Just think -- even now,
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the FBI may be opening a file on you. "John Doe, June 17, 1988, began
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receiving literature from a possibly subversive organization...." I don't
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know about you, but in five years, I'm going to write and ask for a copy
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of mine. I understand they have to give it to you, but they can black out
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anything they don't want you to know with a magic marker.
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For a sudden change of topic, the newsletter distribution may be changing
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soon. This first copy is being sent from me directly to everybody on the
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list. However, as the list expands, Bitnet may start complaining seriously
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every time I send an issue. What I'd like to do is send an issue to one
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m00se at each node, who would then be responsible for sending it on to all
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the rest of the m00ses at that node. This will be most beneficial with
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the expansion of the Governor's School chapter to a thr0ng of about 150
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chapters, something due to occur in several days. Please let me know if
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this is satisfactory to everyone.
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Now, the newsletter itself. It will be divided up into sections, the
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first being editorials (like this one), and letters from anybody to all
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the m00ses. Send important news, and letters, to me with 'Editorials'
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somewhere in the Subject of the letter.
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The second section will be for non-fiction accounts or announcements
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of m00se events: Party invitations, reports on how parties went, reports
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on projects for the promotion of confusion, whatever. Send any mail for
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this section with 'Events' somewhere in the subject.
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The third section will be for fiction and poetry. I'd prefer original
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stuff, and I'm not copywriting it or anything, it that's important. If
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there's something non-original that you think is really great and want to
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post, send it along. Whenever possible, list the author with it. Send
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mail for this section with 'Fiction' somewhere in the subject.
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The fourth section will be for miscellaneous nonsense. For example, the
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perhaps slightly tasteless horoscope in this issue. Send anything that doesn't
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seem to fit into the other three sections to this one, with 'Nonsense' in the
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subject.
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The last part of each newsletter will be an updated list of all those
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m00ses who want to be on the general list, assuming there are any more.
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One last thing before I go and leave you to the rest of the newsletter.
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In the rush of adding new chapters to the list, I may have added people
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without sending them M00se.Info, the basic file. If you receive this issue,
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and you do not have a copy of the file, let me know and I'll send you one.
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Well, that's all from me for now. On with issue 1, and the first
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submission ever received for M00se Droppings!
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---------------
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EVENTS AND NEWS
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---------------
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(Submitted by Sabre)
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There is now a public csnews forum created by fellow m00se
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RainMaker called m00se csnotice! This is open to anyone with bitnet
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access and can be subscribed to by the simple sending of the following
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message to csnews@maine:
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csbb subscribe m00se csnotice.
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Please send this info out to any and all m00ses, and you may
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just have your job with m00se droppings made that much easier.
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Bl00p! Sabre!
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------------------
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FICTION AND POETRY
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------------------
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0de to M00seNess
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--- -- ---------
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OH! to be a m00se,
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not an ordinary moose,
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but an extraordinary m00se!
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Spreading confusion through
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peaceful means, I roam the streets,
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bl00ping softly to myself as I peer
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into the gloom of the average lifestyle,
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pitying the trapped souls of those who
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know not deliverance - the deliverance
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of the m00se illuminatus, and the
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Illuminati with which I thr0ng!
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bl00p I say, and bl00p again!
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bl00p bl00p bl00p BL00P!
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In my peaceful eyes confusion reigns,
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yet I shall not drown, for in confusion
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I find peace, tranquility, harmony...
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and in my pocket I find a fully-inflatable
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four-man (or m00se) raft to keep me above the currents.
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And now, my m00se stomach tells me it is time to graze,
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so graze I must, until *munch* *munch* *munch*.............
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*burp*
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co. Frank 0rzech0wicz, Villan0va Thr0ng, June 13, 1988
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--------------------
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(Submitted by Lord Rassilon)
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If you're an Illuminatus, El M00se won't hassle you. That's
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his calling.
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El M00se, Illuminati agent extra-ordinare, was on his sixth
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absinthe when he finally got tired of tolerating the plebian
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banter which was indigenous to his locale. He ground out his
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Marlboro on his left wrist and rose, unslinging his Uzi. He
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squeezed off a couple hundred rounds, leisurely wiping out the
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bar's blue-collar patrons. The bartender tried to nab him from
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behind, but El M00se cut him into two pieces with precise bursts.
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Re-shouldering his weapon, he sighed and strode from the premises.
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Hhhmmm, he thought, my boss will have to pay the cops a pile
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of money when he discovers I wasted a barful of proletarians.
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----------------------
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MISCELLANEOUS NONSENSE
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----------------------
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* * * YOUR STAR SIGN HOROSCOPE * * *
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(Submitted by Lord Rassilon)
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in
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contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are
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a prick.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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TAURUS (Apr 20-May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have dogged
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determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and
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bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) You are quick and intelligent and a thinker. People
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like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too
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much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are liars,
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notoriusly bad lovers, and thrive on incest.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
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problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off.
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That's why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are
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pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest
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criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and
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kiss mirrors a lot.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This
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shit-picking is sickening your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often
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fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
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reality. If you are male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and
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monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of
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venereal disease.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You
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shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.
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You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio people are murderers.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a
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reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of
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Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you a lot because you
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are always getting fucked.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You
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are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any
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importance. You should kill yourself.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 19) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
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progressive. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and
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impractical. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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PISCES (Feb 20-Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are
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being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends
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and people resent you flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are
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generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses.
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