504 lines
25 KiB
Plaintext
504 lines
25 KiB
Plaintext
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_ __ _______ _______
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| | / / / __ \ | __ \ We're cool
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| | / / | / \__| | [ ] | because WE
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| | / / | | | [ ] | got a group
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| |/ / | | | [__] | of friends
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| / | | __ | _____/ 2-gether
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| \ | | | \ | __ \ and a cool
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| |\ \ | | | | | [ ] | acronym!
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| | \ \ | | | | | [ ] |
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| | \ \ | \_/ | | [__] |
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|_| \_\ \_______/ |_______/
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K-RAD GNUZ & BULLSHIT
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A N D
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____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____
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| | / \ | / \ / \ / \ / \ . |
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | # |
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|____| | | | \____ \____ |____| |____| ##, |
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| \ | | | \ \ | | | | # # |
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| \ | | | | | | | | | | | #P # |
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| \ \____/ \_____ \____/ \____/ | | | | # 0[ |
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# # #oo. |
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# #' ##./' |
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R O Y A L O R D E R O F T H E L E S S E R _# `## o." |
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j# o.. |
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S P O T T E D S O U T H A F R I C A N .## () o*... |
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Narq! ##" o.. |
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A A R D V A R K Narq! #^ j##,+.. |
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\ _##? .####<`#*o* . |
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Founder: UNiQUE ## _.###^ ##.'_ |
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Mascot: Zwobeley _J#####' #" |
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T H I S I S S U E O F K G B H A S B E E N B R O U G H T
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T O Y O U B Y :
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NEIZICHE POPS
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-The Uberbreakfast-
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GR33TZ GO OUT 2:
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Fool...................................Thanks for the ASCII pic.
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Mindmixer..............................Thanks for the (overused)
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, and now dead, PBX.
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Baccahbar..............................Sorry for not mentioning you
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in the last KGB. Thanks
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(Let's call line noise at work!) for the VMB. What type of
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voice program did you use? heh
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UNiQUE.................................Could you make another one of
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my conferences a narq-
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music marathon AGAIN? Jeez.
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CyntaxEra..............................Could you please tone us a
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little bit more with your
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"Please hold, the party modem or your European
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you are speaking to is call waiting tones on
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on the other line" alliances? Unintentional
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my AARDVARK!
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MiCr0 Mit3 M0us3.......................You have zome k-rad babe
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phriends.
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Nstalker...............................I phorgot what I was gonna
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zay.
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Carlsberg..............................Heh, love those psycho-bitch
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ztories.
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Silicon Surfer.........................IT's okay to listen in
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on my confs. AT least u dont
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play narq songs all the time
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like a certain Australian I
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KnoW. :)
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Woebegone Hacker.......................Were you only on one of the
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alliances?
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Trexer.................................Thanks for the k-rad VMB.
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Mit3 be the GNU KGB k0de lyne.
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Pot Head...............................I know your r33l nick, as
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well as Knuckle's! HA!!
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Z-N0TE.................................Love that Dial-A-Porn Time
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hotline!
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Sierra & Devil's Advocate..............W3Lc0m3 t0 th3 [hAdWiCk
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H3aLy VMB P0ss3!
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*************************************************************************
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********************** --- N00 GNUS --- *******************************
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*************************************************************************
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For starters, I'm stuck doing ALL of this issue without Pax Imperialis
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help. Why? His phone line g0t disconnected. Damn! But I kept in touch with
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him by some help from a b0ckser from Scotland. I did get an article from
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Pot Head though, and more articahls to come in the future. So, like, if there
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is any lame spelling mistakes, fuck off. :) Hopefully this issue will
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be much better than KGB-1. It's already bigger, and doesn't size count?
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We here at KGB are trying to come up with a sl0gan. BoW has "BoW
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will get you", but we can't think of anything. We were thinking of "KGB
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will get you donuts!", but that seemed to mimic BoW too much. So who cares?
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Well, this update is l8, but until my PBX died, we had a lot of k-rad
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conferences. I forgot the date of them, but it was fun while they lasted.
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The first one I held was on a phree fone at a ztudent university. I left
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with the phone off the hook, zo who knows how long it lasted. PaX(One Of The
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PhOuNdErZ of KGB), UNiQue and zeveral others were on. I admit, we were
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outnumbered by 602 geekz. But they were KGB geekz, so it was okay. HEy!
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Eye did a Conference all By MySelf! I am NOW A MAN!!!!
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- Thanks Phone d00d! -
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S0 then I ztarted d0ing them at my hawz, even though I didn't have a
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diverter. Tayke N0te, this PBX was spread around all over the place.
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MiCr0 Mit3 M0us3 first gave it to me, then Mindmixer. So 9 times out of
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10, this fucker was busy. Damn k0dez K1dz. Didn't they know it was a
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KGB members-only Pee Bee Eks? Anywayz... We had more k-rad alliances on
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them until it died.
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One of the more notable conferences was when we actually got on a radio
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ztation in 716. We just decided to call their number, and tell them we
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were on a conference. It was some top 40 shit dance ztation, so they
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didn't have much we were interested in. But, we got to introd00ce a
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song and get to mention our names and wh3r3 w33 were phrom. Aint that
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eleet? That was our first KGB victory!(aww, how cute! now go take a
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nap).
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On the zlight downside, a few of our conferences were ruined by UNiQUE.
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He's still a member of KGB/ROLSAA, but he got a bit on our nerves when
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he wouldn't fawking stop the music when we speifically told him to.
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So zome of our last conferences were completely flooded with UNiQUE
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singing to tunes(some being by the Beach BOys, and "Wild Thing" by Tone
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Loc), and replacing every word he could with 'NARQ' or "AARDVARK".
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Don't let anybody say he's not a devoted member. Crazy and a bit
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annoying, yes, but very much devoted. <sigh> THe KGB disciplinaree
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board has zentenced him to a penalty of not being on one conference,
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whenever we actually get another fawking PBX to get it up on.
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There's a VIRUS abound in Internet! It's called the ZIMA virus, and it
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does serious damage to your ASCII files(no! not my ASCII!). It changes
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any word starting with s with a z. Some inphormants(probably from NukE)
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zay this virus was made by the same guys who made the Paul Tsongas
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virus. That inserted a T in every word starting with S. FUcking
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bastards, don't they have more productive things t00 d0 with the1r tyme?
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Like fl00d my mailbox with t0nez? Fukkurz. So don't be zuprized(ha, jk)
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if you see a lot of misspelled wordz(aside from the normal amount),
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okay?
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Well, we HAD a k0de line up, but it went down fast apparently. Nobody
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even bothered to leave a message on it. BUt, it wans't like there was any
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k-rad c0des on it anyway, maybe except for the Zima Interactive Hotline.
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B00yeah! We alz0 g0t another one, but that dyed too. Fuck Phrito Lay.
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Boycott all their products in response to shunning out the KGB c0de line.
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And who's phucking VMB is this? 1-800-787-0953. Dr Sbaitso's?
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<Dr SbAitSo B0000y!)
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If you want to leave a message on my main VMB, call it up after hours at
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1-800-752-0515 box 123. If you're a mute, 4get it. Don't even b0ther.
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Well, that's all the GNUs i have for this issue. THere's
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probably a lot of inpho I forgot, but that'll zhow up
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in the next issue.
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D-FENS
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[KGB Founder]
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[ROLSAA Member]
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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***********************[ 1. Conference Phun 4 You ]************************
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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***************************************************************************
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Within the last few months, being on a ton of teleconferences, I've heard
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some pretty funny shit. The stuff we pulled on some of these has just been
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downright hilarious. If you recognize zome of these things, you were more
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than likely there. All you aardvarks know what I'm saying, and if you don't
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get it, you weren't there. =)
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--Pothead
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******************
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"Hello, Pizza Hut, this is Abdul, may I help you?"
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"Uhhh, I'd like a flying carpet zpecial, with camel meat topping."
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(GOD DAMN THAT ZIMA VIRUS! -Ed.)
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"I'm very very sorry, sir, we don't carry camel meat, nor do we have
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a flying carpet special."
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"How about an Oil Sheik special, with monkey brains."
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"No sir, we don't have that, either."
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"I thought pizza was an Italian food, made by Italians, not dotheads!"
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_Click_
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******************
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This one was said on a conf. and had us laughing.....
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"Hello, AT&T Operator, how may I help you?"
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"Please dial this number for me, 202-728-XXXX." (it could of been some d00d'z
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#. We don't want trouble.
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-Ed)
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"Please deposit eighty cents."
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"Miss, I only have nickels."
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_Beep Beep Beep Beep_ (R3d B0x T0neZ)
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"Sir...SIR! How are you putting those nickels in so fast??!"
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"Uhhh, I have no arms, it's a machine."
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"I'm sorry...have a nice day"
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******************
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hahaha....I love that one...Here comes the best part: Operator One-Liners!
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"Uhhh, Sir, SIR! I suggest you take that box and throw it away."
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"Are you boxing this call?"
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"Please stop sending those tones and wait for a police officer to get there."
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"Encore Operator, how may I help you?"
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****************
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That last one was a killer! Ahahaha! Oncor is a joke....
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_________ ___ ___
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/ _____ / / / / /
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/ / / / / / / /
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/ /__/ / / /-----/ /
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/ ____ / / /------ /
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/ / / / / /
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/ /OT / / / / EAD
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-- --- --
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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***********************[ 2. How to be K-Rad Elite ]************************
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Yes, now YOU can be K-rad in 7 simple steps by having your own cracking
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(warez) group! Be the envy of the block, or better yet, your area code!
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Looks great on resumes!
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1. First, you'll want to have your own k-00l cracing group. You'll want to
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come up with a really neat acronym that you can smear on filenames to be
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known. Look at all the other groups out there, like PWA(Pirates with
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Attitudes) and so on.
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2. Next, before you do ANYTHING, you GOTA have ANSI artists. ANSI has got to
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be the coolest thing since sliced bread. It allows you to do graphics over
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the phone!(just like Prodigy!). Who could ask for anything more from
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technology? Anyways, grab yourself a copy of TheDRaw, and start making cool
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pictures. Go with the current pirate trends. Taky any old comic book(X-Men,
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etc) and draw some frame out of that. Better yet, do a picture from the
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Dungeons and Dragons fame. Make it really big too. Don't be afraid to have
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it be over 25 lines. Make it the size of a wall poster or something. It
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could either spell success or failure on this step!
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3. Now with ANSI art when they call your elite BBS, you'll also need VGA art.
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This could also spell either sucess(S-U-C-C-E-S-S) or failure(F-A-I-L-U-R-E)
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of your group(G-R-O-U-P). Like the ANSI art you'll be doing, just draw more
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monsters from any Dungeons and Dragons book with your BBS name on it. OH,
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and since you run such an elite system, DON'T under any circumstances, leave
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your BBS number on it. Because the person who downloaded your war is a low
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life leech. You don't want them calling your board, do you? DIdn't think so.
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So leave the world famous number (ITS) PRI-VATE for the number. Okay?
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4. Now as the egotistical leader of this group, you'll most likely want to
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have to change your alias. Nobody would want to join a group with a
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president named 'Rat Boy' or something like that. Remember the old Apple
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// days before there was anyhthing like ratios or that shit? Remember the
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cool alias like Death Master Lord of Fire, or some other 4 word alias
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relating to the undead or satanism? Go for something like that. You'll
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look big and powerful on the BBS!! Here's a few key words you can use in
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your new alias for starters.
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DEATH GOD
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MASTER KILLER
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KNIGHT WARLORD
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LORD LORD
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MASTER UNDEAD
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BLOOD EVIL
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HELL DESTROYER
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MASTER MAN
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CYBER- DIGITAL
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4. OKay, another thing you'll need to change is your BBS. You DO run a BBS,
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right? Only lamers don't run BBSes. So if you're a lamer, stop reading
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this file. Here are the instructions.:
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1. First you'll have to change the name of your BBS to something cool
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and eye-catching. You may want to have the name related to
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your alias. For example: if your alias is the Crypt Keeper,
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you could use the Crypt as a BBS name. If not, just take out
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any old Dungeons and Dragons book again and look for
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something cool. Here's a few key words you can use as a
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possible name:
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UNDERGROUND CRYPT PIT(S) DUNGEON DIGITAL
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ELECTRONIC CYBERNETIC -HOUSE CASTLE CAVE
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CAVERNS MORGUE FORTRESS BOTIQUE(maybe not that one)
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2. When you're running such a hot system, you'll have to take steps
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to keep the lamers out. If others find out that lamers are calling
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your board, they'll consider you a lamer, and blacklist you, and
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then you'll probably want to commit suicide. Here's a few guidelines
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to keep such lamers out:
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-Make it 9600+ only. Only lamers use 2400 baud.
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-Make it 14.4+ only. Only lamers use 9600 baud.
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-Better yet, make it 16.8+ only. ONly lamers use..Hey, wait a
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minute!
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-Have a new user password, BBS password, SysOp page password
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Better yet, have EVERYTHING require a password to use.
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-Allow only long distance callers onto your BBS, cuz all the lamers
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are in YOUR area code, and only cool people would pay(or even
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cooler, to hack) to call your BBS. Sure everyone in your area
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code won't like you, but hey, they're lamers, right?
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-Have strict ratios. Make it about 10:1 ratio. You would be required
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to upload 10K for every 1K you download.
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-Allow only 0-3 day warez. Better yet, travil into the future and
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get software not even released yet( -1 day warez!) Or you can
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rename warez to make it look like it's a new version.
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-Have only BIG warez online. Anything under 10 megs is pussy shit.
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Only k00l warez are big suckers like OS/2,etc
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-Put plenty of k00l anarchy text filez online. That's the latest fad
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now.
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3. Make it tough for new users to login. Have it near impossible!
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This makes it tough for lamers to get in, since they usually
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drop carrier after the second question(ENTER ALIAS:). Here's
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a few sample questions to get you started:
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-List your 3 latest warez(so we can leech 'em)
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-Name three nationally known pirates
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-List 3 cool BBSes that you're on in 3 different states
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-Name all four of the Beatles(including Ringo's real last name)
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-List the specifics of your system(anyone with a 286 or less
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is pussy shit)
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-What does FLT, THG, SOL, TNT and USA stand for?
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-What BBS program did you release to the public?
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(c'mon, EVERYONE has released a Forum hack)
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-List the 3 latest warez you cracked.
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4. Okay, now all you gotta decide is what BBS program to run. First
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of all any BBS program that PD boards in your area run are lame
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,so you cant use those. For safety's ake, run something with
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a cool sounding name like ViSiOn-X or Oblivion/2, Immortal(hhah
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) or the like. Just make sure it's a Forum hack. Make sure it
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uses ANSI or AVATAR all over the place. Every word displayed
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must be a different color.
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5. Make sure that you have at least 90 megs of storage space on
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your system. Doesn't matter if you only use 4 megs for the BBS,
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just make sure it's big(that's what she said). Then you can flaunt
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on your ads and to the chicks how much storage space you have!
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Lamers fear large hard drives..
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6. Be connected to EVERY pirate message network possible. This
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sllows you free advertising nationwide.
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7. Make sure EVERY ware you have online has your cracking group
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initials in the title. Doesn't matter if you cover up what the ware
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name is. Showing off is everything!
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5. Okay, after you're all donw with that, you'll have users pouring in
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wanting to join your immortal group. But first, they'll have to apply for
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it! Just use your new user application for your BBS. That's all the info
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you'll need. Get as many group members as you can! The more the merrier.
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They'll spread the word and soon you'll have the nation's LARGEST cracking
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group! The groupies will be all over you. Make T-Shirts, bumper stickers,
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whatever to spread it out.
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6. Now with all this, you HAVE to make a monthly(or often as you like)
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magazine to tell of your group's latest happenings. Here are some
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guidelines:
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- You HAVE to use VGA and the SOundblaster. Just ain't cool without it.
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- Make everything wordy just so the mag's big. Doesn't matter what it
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says, just as long as it's big.
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- Use graphics and various ads to make the ad big too. If you reach about
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800k compressed, you're cool.
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7. And probably the least important part about your group is the warez. Uh,
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well since I don't know anything about cracking(and probably you don't
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either if you're reading this), just improvise. Do a chop job. Either take
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any software lying around the house that you bought or stole, and archive
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it. Use the worst form of compression possible. This makes the warez big,
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thus spelling big download points. Be sure to archive it to several files,
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and have EACH file include your COOL cracking grop ad and BBS ad. It'll
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take up more space. DOn't worry, you don't have to crack the ware since
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you put (ITS)PRI-VATE for your BBS number! If they complain, tell 'em its
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their computers fault. Upload this ware to ALL the boards you can call so
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you get credit on every BBS you call, thus you can download more warez.
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Now with all those warez you download, you can make them warez distributed
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by your own group. Just take off any evidence showing that it wasn't
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released by you guys, and put yours on it. Presto!
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Well, I wish you best of luck on having your very own warez group. If you
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have any dificulties whatsoever, just look at what the other boys and
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follow them.
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*** --- DEATH LORD MASTER OF HELL --- ***
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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***********************[ 3. Not-So-K-Rad Numbers ]*************************
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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VANITY NUMBERS
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Sitting at home, bored as hell? Nothing to do? No conferences
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or nuttin cool on IRC? Try this out for fun! You've all seen
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thsoe vanity numbers, like 1-800-OPERATOR, right? Why not try to
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explore unused vanity numbers?
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I was so fucking bored, that I actually tried it. Let's see
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what I came up with
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1-800-FUCK-YOU PDQ phone sex line
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1-800-EAT-SHIT another party line
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1-800-SCREW-ME Sexual fantasies line(Gee, I see a trend here)
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1-800-HOT-FAGS los angeles office of data central(?) worth a look
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1-800-HOT-FUCK another phone sex line.
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1-800-YOU-SUCK disconnected
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|
1-800-YOU-NARC can't be reached from my calling area
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1-800-IAM-LAME no answer. sounds lame to me
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1-800-IMA-NARC can't be reached from my calling area
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1-800-FUCK-MCI pilgrim telephone. Has a duck quacking(sounds like
|
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NARK NARK!) before the Pilgrim message. HA!
|
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1-800-FUCK-ATT pilgrim telephone. same as above.
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1-800-IAM-K-RAD no answer. too k-rad for me to talk to them...
|
|
1-800-DIE-FAGS not available from my calling area
|
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1-800-PRI-VATE (a lot of warez boards have this #) no answer..
|
|
1-800-U-FAGGOT UNISYS hotline
|
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1-800-FAGGOTS cannot be completed as dialed
|
|
1-800-TIT-FUCK some fax machine. give 'em a fax of some woman
|
|
titfucking for a good laugh.
|
|
1-800-I8-PUSSY PDQ sex line.
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|
1-800-BLUE-BOX no answer. must be blueboxing
|
|
1-800-2-KRAD-4U some lady answered! she must be too k-rad!
|
|
1-800-2-COOL-4U some guy's answering machine. sounded like some
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|
redneck
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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|
***********************[ 4. Notes from Andy Rooney ]***********************
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
-- Did you ever notice that when you give out a kode to somebody,
|
|
that somebody gives out to his friend, and he gives it out
|
|
to his friend, and so on?
|
|
|
|
-- Why is it that the kode dies within an hour?
|
|
|
|
-- Why does everybody think everybody else knows of a warez FTP
|
|
site, but never really tells you about it unless you give them
|
|
a code? Maybe I'll ask sometime, and give them that kode that
|
|
died an hour ago.
|
|
|
|
-- Why is it that the ANSI graphics mode is such a fascinating medium
|
|
to some people, and have made such an impact on modern society
|
|
that they form entire groups around it? Take ACID for example.
|
|
Maybe I'll start a RIP graphics group.
|
|
|
|
-- Why are there so many acronyms out there in H/P(see?) today? I mean
|
|
I get on #Phreak and hear stuff like "Well, I tried to logon
|
|
thru the 617 OD to ROV, but the SysOp was DOA when I tried to
|
|
connect via CCITT on my USR DS."
|
|
|
|
-- Why am I still on 60 Minutes after all these years?
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
PaX iMPeRiaLiS
|
|
|
|
___________ ___ ___ _________
|
|
/ ________/ / \ / / / _____ | {Looks like this is }
|
|
/ / / | / / / / / / {the end! But tune }
|
|
/ /____ / / | / / / / / / {in next week for }
|
|
/ _____/ / /| |/ / / / / / {another KGB episode!}
|
|
/ / / / | / / / / / / {- The Under Dog Show}
|
|
/ /_______ / / | / / /____/ /
|
|
/__________/ /___/ |___/ /__________|
|
|
|