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798 lines
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úúùùú $$$$, $$$$ sc!ú úù ùù ú ù ú úúú ùú `"ý$S ` ùùúú ù ú ùú ùùú
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úú "$$$Sa,#S$ý ú úú ú ú úú ú ú úú
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`"ý#$S"`
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"My new girlfriend is better than you,
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she's got bigger breasts and a higher IQ."
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Mr. T Experience / "New Girlfriend"
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Copyright and contact information is located at the bottom of this magazine.
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Jonas E'Zine Volume 3, Issue 1 :: April 30, 1997
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In this issue..
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1. Edicius' Editorial [essay]
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2. Jonas News and Information
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3. Odd Twist of Cyberadventure - compiled by Tom Sullivan
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4. The Curse and Blessing of Humanity [essay] - by Brian Gatti
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5. Problems at the Millennium [essay/humor] - by Auren Hoffman
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6. Simon the Ant [fiction/humor] - by Jeffrey Brayne
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7. Poetry - various writers
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8. Reviews - by Tom Sullivan
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9. Closing Notes and Information
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Edicius' Editorial
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As a suggested alternative to government censorship, net blocking software
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has become all the rage lately. Going by names like Cyber Sitter and Net
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Nanny, they've become the valuable tool in the fight against online
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pornography and indecent material. Parents don't have to look over their
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childrens' shoulders anymore, they can rely on a software program to watch
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their children for them.
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How much more mindless can they get?
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When did parents become so lax with their kids that they need the government
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and Silicon Valley to protect them? This goes much further then the
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"indecencies" of the Internet, it goes right down to the root of our social
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values.
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You don't just stumble upon pornography on the Internet, you have to outright
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seek it. You have to know where you're going to find it. Years ago, you
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could be walking through New York City, and you could come across sex shops
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and prostitutes. That's a lot easier then just browsing the Internet and
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"stumbling upon" www.pornshack.com. You're not going to get
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www.teenangels.com confused with www.shareware.com .. It's not that easy.
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If a parent teaches their kid the harmful effects of drugs and really,
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truly, instills good values in them, they're not going to have to
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worry about their kid smoking crack on the corner. Same thing here. If a
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parent really teaches their kid, they don't have to worry that their kid is
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going to be setting up dates with 40 year old guys in drag.
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Case in point: my ex-girlfriend. Among other amazingly stupid things that
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she's done, she ran away to Chicago to a guy that she met on America Online,
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and that she described as her "soul mate." Keep in mind, at this point she
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had only been using the computer for a few months, and she had only been
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talking to this guy for a month or so. He's 20, he sends her a $300
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round trip train ticket from New York to Chicago, and when her parents go on
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vacation, she goes to Chicago for five days. During her trip, her parents
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never once called her house to see if she was all right. They were in
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Colorado, and to this day- almost six months later - they still don't know
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about this trip.
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Now, that's the difference between me and her. First off, I wouldn't take
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someone's train ticket and visit them halfway across the country without
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knowing who they were- and I couldn't possibly know a person that well after
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only a month or two. I'm like that because my parents taught me to be smart,
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they taught me that not everyone is a nice person. I don't take things at
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face value, and I wouldn't trust someone enough to go visit them in such a
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case.
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More importantly, my parents care about me enough to call when they're away.
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The second that they would call me and not know where I was, they would call
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someone to check on me. If no one could find me, my parents would be back in
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New Jersey looking for me. I wouldn't be able to get away for a day without
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them knowing, nevermind a week.
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Simple fact is, my parents care about what I do. But they taught me good, so
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they don't need to worry if I'm doing anything bad. They know I'm not going
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out and fucking myself up in life. When I leave them and venture off into
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the "real world", they don't need to worry; they did a good job raising me.
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For now, however, the "real world" is as close as this computer terminal for
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me. My parents know what I do on the computer. They're not techno-savvy, by
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any means. But they know whats up with my computer. They know the people
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that I hang out with that I know from the computer, because they've made sure
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that they met them before I hang out with them on an regular basis. Just
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like they've done with all of my other friends. Sooner or later, I make it a
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point to bring all of my friends to my house so that my parents know who I'm
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hanging out with.
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But even beyond that, of course they don't know everyone that I'm talking to,
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or everything that I do. Most of what I do does go beyond what I'm able to
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explain to them. Regardless of that, they can trust me that I'm not going to
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do anything stupid. They've taught me well. There's very little, in real
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life or on the computer, that I wouldn't do in front of my parents that I do
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behind their backs. They don't need the government or a silly software
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program to watch over me.
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Back to my ex-girlfriend, though. Her parents just went plain wrong with her
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upbringing. It's because of parents like hers that there's bills like the
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Communications Decency Act and software like Cyber Sitter and Net Nanny. If
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parents did a good job of raising their child, they wouldn't need to worry.
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That's the underlying theme of this article. If parents did a good job ..
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Unfortunately, some parents just haven't done a good job. They've let their
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children run astray in some areas. That's why they need a software program
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to watch over them. On the bad side for these parents, there's no software
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program to watch over their kids when they're at a party. You can't filter
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out "*!@*beer*drugs*sex*" in real life.
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I'm not saying that parents today are any better or worse then my parents
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are. It just seems that people today are more reliant on the technology
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available to guide their lives. My parents weren't "blessed" with this
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technology, so they had to raise their kids "on their own." Perhaps if the
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technology had been available, it would be different, but no one can answer
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that.
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You may be asking yourself why I have a negative view on net filtering
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software, such as Net Nanny and Cyber Sitter. The simple reason is, software
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like this does not work. These programs, along with filtering out indecent
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and pornographic sites, also filter out sites with valuable information, such
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as the National Organization for Women's website. There is no way for the
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user of this software to find out which sites are blocked except through
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trial and error. There is nothing that this user can do, because the file
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that stores the list of blocked sites is encrypted on the user's computer.
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This brings up another debate. Peacefire, a teen-run anti-censorship group,
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has released a program that will decrypt the site list file from Solid Oak's
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Cyber Sitter program, so that the user can see exactly what sites they are
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being blocked from. Is this the kind of filtering that should be going on?
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First the government is telling me what I can't do on the Internet, through
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vague definitions and huge loopholes. Now, a private company is telling me
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specifically what sites I can't visit because they don't think it's
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appropriate? Sure, there are some sites that are universally harmful to
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kids- sites that kids just shouldn't be looking at, such as the pornographic
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sites. But, just because this company sees a gay rights website as
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potentially harmful, they filter it out so no one that uses their software
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can see it. The worst part of this is that the user of this software may
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never know that these sites are being blocked out, unless they specifically
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tried to go to a blocked site.
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Yes, I know that I have a right not to use this software. But, software like
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this does not have a right to exist. Point blank, it's unconstitutional. It
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restricts freedom of speech, and that's just not right. It's worse when
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people don't realize, or aren't given the chance to realize, exactly what
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sites they aren't allowed to see.
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The government doesn't need to step in and regulate the Internet. Neither
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does a small company from California have that right. The only people that
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can control what I do on the Internet, or anything else for that matter, are
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my parents. Constitutional rights aside, my parents are my parents- it's a
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respect thing.
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Jonas News and Information
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It's another issue of Jonas, hail hail.
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The website is totally phatty boombastic (read: really good) now. We've done
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a lot to it over the last month, and added a lot of features. There's still
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a lot more that we're going to be doing to it, so check it out.
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I've also redone my webpage, so check that out. (www.cybercomm.net/~edi/)
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I got a job at A&P. I push carts now, for $5.05 an hour. It's fun. I have
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no problems. There's a bunch of hot girls that I have no chance with that
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work there, so it's fun to stare.
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Oh yeah, April 2 came and went. It also marked our two year anniversary. No
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one sent me a card or a note of appreciation.
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Jonas was given very pleasent reviews in The Aquarian and Internet
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Underground. We got four stars from IU, and a nifty graphic for our webpage.
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Send us feedbank, visit out website, and enjoy Jonas E'Zine.
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Have a good one.
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Odd Twist of Cyberadventure :: compiled & writen by Tom Sullivan
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Taken from Jonas Issue 15:
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-----
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In my local area, a case has been brought to light over the last few days. A
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woman living in the town of Long Branch, NJ, started recieving letters from
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men wanting to have sex with her.
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Stephany Willman, 41, believes that her ex-boyfriend, who now lives in
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Florida, scanned and posted nude pictures of her to "several erotic
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newsgroups." The pictures also included her address, and asked that lonely
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men write her.
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A South-Florida Internet provider, Icanet, has suspended the account of the
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poster of the pictures. It is not known whether or not her ex-boyfriend is
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using the account, but it is suspected. Icanet presidet, Bob Hurwitz said,
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"I caught him doing it again, and we put a cancel on his postings
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immediately."
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A man claiming to be Willman's ex-boyfriend called a local newspaper, the
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Asbury Park Press (who have been covering this story) and said, "I want to
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contact Bob Hurwitz and do anything I can to get Stephany's pictures off the
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Internet. I'm not a computer whiz and I'm not the horrible person everybody
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thinks I am."
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Of the 3 pictures posted, only one was nude. The other two were pictures of
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Stephany in a bikini.
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Police say that a harrassment case against Willman's ex-boyfriend remains
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open, but they will not pursue the case. It would be impossible to get the
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main from Florida to New Jersey for a disorderly charge. If enough evidence
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is found to prove that he really posted the pictures, then Florida Police
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would have to handle the case.
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-----
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In a very odd twist of "cyberfate", I was forwarded the following posting
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from Usenet:
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Subject: Re: Stephany Willman - Document of Child Neglect
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From: Johanna Wagner <cyber7@ix.netcom.com
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Date: 1996/06/09
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Message-Id: <31BAFBAC.1111@ix.netcom.com
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Newsgroups: alt.law-enforcement
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[More Headers]
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RE: Stephany Willman 703 Wertheim Place Long Branch, N.J. 07740
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In March of 1995, the above mentioned, namely Stephany Willman, did Willfully
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and without regard to the Safety and Welfare of her Two Children, Namely:
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Roland Meyer; then only Five years of Age, and Marlon Meyer; then Only Two
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years of age; did Abandon both children on several occasions.
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On one occasion she locked both children in her home {703 Wertheim Pl. Long
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Branch, N.J.} while she drove to obtain Cocaine; they were alone for at least
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3 hours.
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The next occasion, i found both children Locked Outside , above mentioned
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house, & waited outside with Brandon and Marlon, until she returned, over 2
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hours later. Neither child were wearing coats, even though it was Quite cold
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outside, this being the second week of March 1995. Stephany, returned, we all
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went inside, where she went to her bedroom, in plain view of the children,
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and began to 'sniff' what she said was cocaine.
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She then demanded the sum of $100.00 from me, so she could buy more, Cocaine,
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and even made Several Phone calls, in front of me, tying to exchange Sex for
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drugs. She was successful, but when i refused to watch her Children <the
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above Mentioned Marlon and Roland she took them her VW car with her,
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instructing me to wait, for her, as she would "love to have sex, with me
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also, while 'High' on Cocaine.
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Finally, around March 19-21,1995, Stephany Willman told me, if i did not
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"Stay and baby-sit" both children, she would leave them locked in Her house
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{at 703 Wertheim Place, Long Branch, NJ }, she left both Marlon and Roland,
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with me at approximately 9:00 PM , Friday night the 3rd friday in March of
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1995. She never returned that night. Early the next Morning i called Stephany
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Willman's Parents in Florida, her brother Benjamen Willman in Boston,Mass.
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and told them Stephany had been missing now for almost 12 hours. Her Brother,
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Ben. Willman, agreed to drive down from Boston to take charge of Her
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children. Her parents, told me over the Phone to wait with the children for
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his arrival. They also asked me to try and locate Stephany .. The phone rang
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a few hours later, and a Man at the end of the line, asked me to get Stephany
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Willman out of his house, as she was "Drunk, extremely high on Cocaine, and
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unable to drive." He also said "you can have her back, i can't afford her
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Cocaine Habit, & don't want to trade having sex with her for drugs.
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Stephany Returned Home, a few hours later, {she was gone over 18 hours in
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all. Totally incoherent , & only partially dressed. She demanded Sex from me,
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when she came home and became violent when i refused...Stephany then took a
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Liter of Vodka up to her bedroom and drank till she passed out. Her brother
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Ben. Willman arrived, about an hour later.
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Two weeks later Stephany Willman, entered Carrier Clinic, Belle Meade, NJ for
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Drug & Alcohol Detox, from which she frequently called me.
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Copies of this Statement, Have been Notarized, and sent to the Following
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Authorities: Monmouth County Child Welfare Office, Freehold, NJ
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Child Abuse & Welfare, State of New York
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Monmouth County Prosecutor Office, Freehold NJ
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Inside Edition, NYC, NY
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The Asbury Park Press
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NJ Division of Child Welfare
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-----
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I swear, this whole computer thing gets stranger by the day.
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-----
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Thanks to Michael Sciafa (vsciafa@bellsouth.net) who forwarded me the
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posting.
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The Curse and Blessing of Humanity :: by Brian Gatti
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When you open the paper and you read about a man cloning a sheep, you can't
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help but think to yourself how far along science has really come in the last
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hundred years or so. You begin to wonder: How long until they can clone a
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human being? How long until you're looking across the breakfast table at a
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mirror image of yourself?
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Take heart, this is not an essay written on cloning, I'm merely using it as a
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vehicle for a larger issue.
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Many cry out that cloning human beings is an abomination against nature or a
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slap in the face of God. Is this humanity's new attempt at climbing to
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heaven? Are we rebuilding the tower of Babel? If you ask some people, the
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answer would be yes. For too long, they would say, human beings have been
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playing God. Perhaps so, certainly it looks to be that way and now that we
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have the ability to create a person from nothing, we are trying to become
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Gods?
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If asked what fundamental quality of human beings separates them from
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animals, you would most undoubtedly get a variety of answers in response.
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They would range from having a soul, to having emotions, to being
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intelligent. Each of the arguements could easily be seens as valid as any
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other. Certainly, an otter can not write a Nobel prize winning piece of
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literature but a human being could. So does this make us so special, so
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different that in being able to clone ourselves, we suddenly destroy the
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individuality that comes with being naturally born?
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I think I can offer, if not a better quality, perhaps a different quality
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then has been expressed in this matter. The trait which sets humanity apart
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from, if not above, animals is their ego. The conceit that we are special for
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our science, art, religion and philosophy. The belief that somehow, we are
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greater then those creatures we sneeringly call animals and that we look down
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upon.
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We say they do not have art, they do not have science, nor philosophy, nor
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religion or anything else which we humans can claim to be our legacy. They
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also do not have our wars, our murderers, our rapists, our serial killers and
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our politicians. Do these things too, make us better then they? Doubtful,
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especially if you have had to brush with any of the above. People would then,
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with great indignity, proclaim the good qualities of humanity. Our love, our
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compassion, our kindness and our integrity. Yes, all good things, I will
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admit.
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Still, do these qualities make us better then animals? So comes the
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expression, "You're no better then an animal." Perhaps that is a good thing.
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For all of our pretensions towards civilization, we have a long way to go
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before we can claim to be above animals. If anything, perhaps it is better to
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be an animal? They are, at least, honest about their intentions in nearly all
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cases. They seek survival, as do we, but we like to cloud this with a myriad
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of smaller things which we claim are important.
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In a herd, the elderly are abandoned to the predators so that the rest of the
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herd might survive. In America, our elderly are left to rot in nursing homes
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where they are left to die slowly rather then with dignity as they should be.
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Does this right to grow old and die, despised by those younger then you, make
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us a great species to be a member of?
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There are, of course, always exceptions to everything especially when it
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involves human beings. Certainly, it is admitted, that there is a great
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variety of types of people. Enough so that it is easier to defend the claim
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of inherant human greatness. Perhaps though, consider that for a moment,
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sentience is a curse. Has technology truely made your life better? Are you
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really a better person for being able to change the channels of your
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television without getting off your butt?
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Frankly, I'm not sure and I don't believe I could answer my own question one
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way or another. Would I give up everything I had? Probably not. Would I give
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up human to become a simple animal and live a simple existance of
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uncomplicated survival where everything I've always yearned for is so much
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easier to obtain? No, I wouldn't. The problem is, I'm sentient (I think)
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and I can't imagine being any other way. Am I happy about the idea of people
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being able to clone people? No, I'm not. I hate the idea, I think it's wrong
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and shouldn't be allowed.
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Is this because I hold deep religious values that forbid this sort of thing?
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Is it because I feel we are somehow violating the unwritten laws of nature?
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Or that there is a threat of turning these "people" in to slaves? No, it's
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none of those things.
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It's because I am, like the rest of humanity, egotistical in thinking that I
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am special for being human. That by being born of a man and a woman, not
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copied from some person, that I am somehow special. This one thing, this one
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quality which almost every person on this earth shares, is suddenly
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threatened by the reality of cloning. Simply because when people can be
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cloned, you are no longer special. There is nothing great about you anymore,
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nothing awesome, nothing wonderful. That's because now you're as copyable and
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reproducable as a monkey or a sheep.
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Problems at the Millenium? :: by Auren Hoffman
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So you're afraid of year 2000? Are you worried that when the date hits the
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double-zeros all the computers will crash, the banks will fall, the world
|
|
will stop, your computer will freeze, the database tuples will converge, the
|
|
electric car doors will lock, the mail still won't be delivered on time, and
|
|
the elevators will fall?
|
|
|
|
Don't worry, be happy. Problem solved. Luckily, most worldly corporations
|
|
have already thought of this problem and fixed it.
|
|
|
|
Consulting and software firms have made billions of dollars scaring
|
|
corporations and governments into changing the date structure of their old
|
|
mainframes to incorporate a four-digit date rather than a two digit date. So
|
|
now the year is 1997 (not to be confused with the year 97, 1900 years ago).
|
|
|
|
As usual, corporations and governments have a lack of foresight. A four
|
|
digit date is great for now, but what happens when we hit the year 10,000?
|
|
You might think that 8000 years is a long time -- that's just what Noah said
|
|
about being cramped in that Arc for 40 days. 40 days seems like yesterday to
|
|
me so 8000 years probably will only seem like high school (which I still have
|
|
some faded memories of.) My point is, with technology ever increasing and
|
|
speeding up time, year 10000 will get here before you know it.
|
|
|
|
So a real smart corporation will demand that their systems are safe for the
|
|
occurrence of year 10,000 -- they should demand a five digit year. So this
|
|
year would be 01997, which could be pronounced "zero nineteen ninety-seven,"
|
|
or if your cool you might say "oh-1997."
|
|
|
|
Now some might argue that while were at it, we might as well add a six-digit
|
|
date. Though that might seem logical for many of you, 100000 years is a
|
|
really really long time for now. By contrast, year 10,000 is only a few
|
|
generations away (given that the average life span has been dramatically
|
|
increasing).
|
|
|
|
And remember, lack of foresight causes problems. So do lack of digits.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Simon the Ant :: by Jeffrey Brayne
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Part Three: Simon the Ant Loses His Job
|
|
---------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Simon gets a job at the local convenience store. He is a cashier. He works
|
|
long, hard hours ringing up groceries such as cigarettes, candy, picnic
|
|
baskets, sugar, and so on. He likes dealing with the general public. They
|
|
are nice, he says. It makes him feel important to be an alert, responsive
|
|
ant tending to the needs of others. He helps to choose the right antidote
|
|
for Raid when needed. He shows others the best brand of latex condoms. He
|
|
denies minors the purchase of ant-porn. He has mastered the cash register. A
|
|
good worker is Simon the Ant indeed!
|
|
|
|
Simon soon developed problems with his wrists. He went to the doctor.
|
|
|
|
"Doctor, my wrists have hurt now for quite some time."
|
|
|
|
"Have you been doing strenuous work, Simon?"
|
|
|
|
"No sir, I only work at a convenience store."
|
|
|
|
"Well what exactly do you do there, Simon?"
|
|
|
|
"I am a cashier."
|
|
|
|
"Show me how you position yourself at the register, Simon."
|
|
|
|
"I hold my hands like this."
|
|
|
|
"Well that is wrong, Simon. Didn't anyone show you how to position yourself
|
|
at the register?"
|
|
|
|
"Well, no sir."
|
|
|
|
"It seems to me that you have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. This is bad. I want
|
|
you to call this number. First you must put on these hand/wrist braces."
|
|
|
|
Simon took the phone number home with him and he called it. It was the
|
|
number of a lawyer. He told the lawyer what the doctor had told him and the
|
|
lawyer said not to worry, and that he would take care of his problem. Simon
|
|
grew excited at the prospect of being taken care of. His wrists would hurt no
|
|
more! He could continue to take care of his beloved customers at the store.
|
|
He knew they needed him and he would return just as soon as he could. Soon a
|
|
letter came in the mail to Simon. It said he would have to appear in court.
|
|
He wondered what for. He went. They asked him to take the stand. They
|
|
asked him to swear on the Bible. He did. They then proceeded to ask him
|
|
what the brand of register his store had. He told them. They asked if he
|
|
was trained in register posture. He said no. They asked if he felt
|
|
neglected. He said he wasn't sure. He was then asked to step down from the
|
|
stand. All of this confused Simon. The judge said that the jury should take
|
|
a short recess. They came back and said, "DOWN WITH THE MAN AND HIS
|
|
CAPITALIST, PIG WAYS!"
|
|
|
|
Simon went home that day with a check for 23.8 million dollars from the
|
|
register company and a release form from the convenience store in which he
|
|
worked previously due to it's forced closing and auction by the court. Simon
|
|
was very distraught over no longer being able to help people at the
|
|
convenience store.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Poetry :: by various writers
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Summer - by Jeffrey Brayne
|
|
|
|
Wiping the green right from your mind,
|
|
I thought what you had thought before.
|
|
I tried and I tried to be satisfied
|
|
with average, shallow pride.
|
|
And more.
|
|
|
|
Run and see what awaits you now,
|
|
your mind is free of red.
|
|
I try and try to rectify,
|
|
althought my mind is running dry,
|
|
from things that I have read.
|
|
|
|
Carry me from the empty.
|
|
Carry me from the null.
|
|
Carry me from the ignorance.
|
|
And teach me how to smile.
|
|
|
|
Waiting for the light of green,
|
|
waiting for the sun.
|
|
Waiting for my emptiness
|
|
to get right up and run.
|
|
Waiting for the season's change,
|
|
waiting for my one,
|
|
to carry me away from here
|
|
like summer's often done.
|
|
|
|
-----------
|
|
|
|
i thought i knew - by tom sullivan
|
|
|
|
i never thought i knew you
|
|
well, fully knew you.
|
|
it was only a few months-
|
|
too short of a time to find out who you are
|
|
or what you do.
|
|
but, i thought i knew you
|
|
enough ..
|
|
enough to trust you-
|
|
trust you-
|
|
trust!
|
|
|
|
i thought you had enough respect
|
|
respect for me
|
|
respect to stay open and honest with me
|
|
(at least part of the time, on important things-
|
|
do you not consider the fact that you love someone else
|
|
"important?")
|
|
|
|
but, it turns out
|
|
i had no clue who you were
|
|
i didn't even feel your sting
|
|
until after you bit me ..
|
|
|
|
but, regardless of who you turned out to be
|
|
i loved you.
|
|
well, i could have loved you.
|
|
the part i knew
|
|
the part i liked
|
|
the part that loved me and was happy with me
|
|
that part that you keep hidden from everyone else.
|
|
|
|
----------
|
|
|
|
Boots III - by Holly Day
|
|
|
|
Someday, reporters will ask you what you did during the war.
|
|
Boots kicked the boy.
|
|
The small boy was lying in a pile of corpses.
|
|
Someday, a woman will trace the long white scars on your back and ask where
|
|
they came from.
|
|
Someday, your own son will go to war.
|
|
This will all fade to yearly get-togethers with old army buddies.
|
|
You will get a brief five minutes in a Time Life home video for this.
|
|
If your child is born with no arms or legs, will it seem unfair?
|
|
All the old ghosts will be replaced with new ones.
|
|
Someday, your child will ask you what you did during the war.
|
|
Boots stood nearly seven feet tall.
|
|
Boots was a soldier's soldier.
|
|
The man reached into the left breast pocket of his uniform.
|
|
He scattered a handful of razorblades on the ground.
|
|
Skin peeled away like the flesh of a potato.
|
|
Boots had hair so blond it was almost white.
|
|
Boots dragged the small body over the pile of sharpened blades.
|
|
"Let's play a game," Boots said to the boy.
|
|
The child's arms were around the waist of his mother.
|
|
"You are not really dead."
|
|
A piece of metal sank deep into the boy's pale cheek.
|
|
The boy's eyes opened as if in shock.
|
|
Boots grabbed the little boy's right hand and right foot.
|
|
He swung the little boy high in the air, high above the bodies of his dead
|
|
parents.
|
|
No blood poured from the black holes in the boy's body.
|
|
Bombs went off in the background.
|
|
In war, certain people become shining stars.
|
|
Bombs set just over the next hill, a sunset in the wrong direction.
|
|
The sharp metal of the razors sliced thin through the boy's face.
|
|
Someday, this will all be washed away in Prozac numbness, in the peace of a
|
|
military nursing home.
|
|
He swung the little boy lower, lower to the ground, under the body was
|
|
dragging over the ground.
|
|
Boots had a very large penis.
|
|
"You are pretending to be dead."
|
|
Boots made a point of inserting his penis in every dead person he came
|
|
across.
|
|
Boots was proud of his fine endowments.
|
|
The white of the little boy's eye stared straight at Boots.
|
|
Someday you will forget this, even in dreams.
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Reviews :: by Tom Sullivan
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
LIVE: Foil / Halycon Days - Birch Hill Niteclub / April 12
|
|
|
|
In this area, there is only a moderate sized ska scene. You will find good,
|
|
all-ska shows (usually headlined by Inspecter 7 or the Royalties) about once
|
|
a month. Aside from that, you have to put up with one ska band mixed up with
|
|
a bunch of gothic, metal, or hardcore bands.
|
|
|
|
Case in point, this show. Foil is a new ska band to the local scene, but
|
|
they are by no menas new. Foil had existed as a punk band for about two
|
|
years, achieving a fair amount of sucess in the Central Jersey excuse for a
|
|
"punk scene", and then they broke up. The drummer, Nuno Rodriguez, decided
|
|
to reform the band but keep the name. He wanted a ska band. So, he started
|
|
a ska band. He is the only member of the "original" Foil that is still in
|
|
the band, but it's ok. That story was unecassary, but hey.
|
|
|
|
Anyway, this was Foil's second show. Their first show was about two weeks
|
|
ago, and in that time they didn't have much time to change. Foil is really
|
|
good, let me start by saying that. They're definetely going to be a good ska
|
|
band if they keep it up. They already have a show (May 16 at the Howell [NJ]
|
|
VFW) with Moon Ska artists Inspecter 7. If Foil becomes a solid band, we'll
|
|
have a good ska scene in this area.
|
|
|
|
Foil combines a mixture of third wave stuff. They're a 9 piece band (drums,
|
|
guitar, bass, and singer; keyboard, trombone, trumpet, 2 saxophones), and you
|
|
can hear a mixture of influences in their music. Aside from being influenced
|
|
by the "generic" fast third-wave ska music (denoted by fast horn note
|
|
changes, fast guitar, etc), they also play a lot of slower, almost two-tone
|
|
stuff; big Toasters influence here. They're a great dance band.
|
|
|
|
On this night, they played for about 45 minutes with 14 songs. Amoung the
|
|
songs that they played were the anti-gothic masterpiece, "I Hate Marilyn
|
|
Manson" and the skinhead (the aforementioned Nuno Rodriguez is a devoted SHARP)
|
|
dance song, "Take It." My favorite song that they have is a new rendition of
|
|
my favorite punk-Foil song, "Don't Smoke." That song is quickly becoming
|
|
their best song.
|
|
|
|
The only mishap of the night being that the guitarist's distortion pedal went
|
|
out on him half way through the show, meaning a lot of dead time between
|
|
songs while he tried to fix the guitar. That didn't let them play as well as
|
|
they could have.
|
|
|
|
The crowd was ok. It wasn't a ska show, that's for sure. Myself, and three
|
|
of my friends were skankin' the whole set. There was about four other people
|
|
out there the whole time as well. Then you had about 75 people just standing
|
|
in the back watching; a bunch of hardcore wussies.
|
|
|
|
There was some shitty band that looked like Van Halen that came on next.
|
|
They were all fourty and old, and I just couldn't get into their music.
|
|
|
|
The next band was Halycon Days. Now, I don't know how to describe them.
|
|
But, they play a mixture of (near-hardcore tempo) rock music, with a dose of
|
|
blues and funk. The bassist is excellent, the singer reminds me of Jim
|
|
Morrison, and he plays a mean guitar. The drummer is really good. I saw
|
|
this band before, and I didn't really like them all that much; but, I liked
|
|
them a lot more now.
|
|
|
|
I wish Foil a lot of luck. With bands like the Royalties, Inspecter 7, and
|
|
Foil in this area, the ska scene in New Jersey is looking very good.
|
|
|
|
----------
|
|
|
|
LP: The Dumm-Dumms, Oxymaroon (Glass Tube Records)
|
|
|
|
The three members of this rock band from Virginia play their instruments to
|
|
perfection. Each instrument perfectly compliments each other, making a
|
|
smooth & refined sound. Their sound is catchy pop-rock with a fast, and
|
|
danceable beat. The best song on this album is an extremely catchy and
|
|
extremely well-written song called "Chemical Thing." None of the instruments
|
|
really stand out above the others; they're all equally balenced and equally
|
|
well played. This is a great album that displays a lot of talent and
|
|
musicianship.
|
|
|
|
Grade: A
|
|
|
|
----------
|
|
|
|
LP: Open Defience, s/t (My Own Records)
|
|
|
|
Sounds like your typical hardcore band, but your typical hardcore band can
|
|
sound good on some nights. Somewhat better than good drumming (is that a
|
|
doubke bass drum?), "ok" bass, rythmic guitars, and a lot of screaming
|
|
(barking?). "moshable."
|
|
|
|
Grade: C+
|
|
|
|
----------
|
|
|
|
LP: Valarie Morris, Transformations (Skyblue Productions)
|
|
|
|
The factsheet lists her musical style as "electronic/20th century classical."
|
|
|
|
Read: take a slow Orbital song and mix it in a blender with Yanni. Minus ten
|
|
points for originality.
|
|
|
|
Grade: D
|
|
|
|
----------
|
|
|
|
eZINE: Fitshaced (http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/9157)
|
|
|
|
Fitshaced is probably the best webzine that I've read in a while. It's well
|
|
written, highly sarcastic, and utterly witty. Full of rants and spewings on
|
|
everything from today's fashion trends, Gwen Stefani ("Die Gwen Die!"), to
|
|
mockery on Urban America ("The Ebonics Bible", complete with the Ebonics
|
|
translations of Our Father, Hail Mary, and the Ten Commandments). Did you
|
|
know that 90% of America worships Satan, and doesn't realize it?
|
|
Obituraries, and commentary are included for Tupac Shakur, the Notorious BIG,
|
|
and the Heavens Gate Cult. This is a priceless 'zine, and I highly
|
|
recommended that you take a look at it.
|
|
|
|
Grade: A+
|
|
|
|
----------
|
|
|
|
eZINE: Bondage, issue 3 (http://www.dto.net/va/)
|
|
|
|
It seems that nearly everything Eerie does is really good. Bondage is
|
|
definetely one of the better poetry 'zines on the Internet right now. It's
|
|
just, really good poetry, there's no way about it. On top of that, there's a
|
|
fantastic layout. This is a fierce magazine.
|
|
|
|
Grade: A+
|
|
|
|
----------
|
|
|
|
Contact information for labels listed in this issue:
|
|
|
|
Glass Tube Records - 201 Monte Vista - Charlottesville, VA 22903
|
|
My Own Records - 9048 Arlington Blvd - Fairfax, VA 22031
|
|
Skyblue Productions - 5779 Nottingham Drive - El Sobrante, CA 94803
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Contact & Copyright Information
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Jonas e'Zine Volume 3, Issue 1 is Copyright (c) 1997 by Jonas Productions,
|
|
all rights reserved. Copyrights to stories, articles, artwork, and
|
|
photographs are property of their creators, unless otherwise noted. The
|
|
contents of this publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part
|
|
without the express written consent of the copyright owner. Jonas may be
|
|
freely distributed as long as this notice remains in place.
|
|
|
|
Means of contacting Jonas Productions:
|
|
|
|
email - edi@cybercomm.net (edicius/main address)
|
|
marc@netlabs.net (belial)
|
|
www - http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas/index.html
|
|
ftp - ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Jonas
|
|
mail - Jonas e'Zine / c/o Tom Sullivan / 8 Mills Avenue / Port Monmouth,
|
|
NJ 07758-1114
|
|
irc - look for edi on the EfNet IRC channel #jonas
|
|
|
|
Miscelaneous information:
|
|
|
|
Thanks to; Belial, Mindcrime, Grey Hawk, Jason, Buddy, Pat, James, Steve, and
|
|
Brianne, Rob, and Dave for comic relief on the weekends. Thanks to Kristen
|
|
for comic relief in life in general.
|
|
|
|
Thanks to Abbott Promotions, Glasstube Records, Skyblue Productions, and My
|
|
Own Records.
|
|
|
|
I also need to thank every who has helped me along the way. Thanks for
|
|
everything over the last two years.
|
|
|
|
CDs that I was listening to right before the release of this issue:
|
|
Mephiskapheles, "God Bless Satan" / Minor Threat, complete discography / Soul
|
|
Coughing, "Irresistible Bliss" / Goa Spaceship 101, "A Goa Trance Trip Into
|
|
Space" / & Suicide Machines, "Destruction by Definetion."
|
|
|
|
Jonas reviews all 'zines, cds, demos, movies, or anything else that is sent
|
|
to them. Send it to our address listed above. We promise we will review it.
|
|
|
|
---eof-----------------------------------------------------------------eof---
|
|
|