86 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
86 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
_____________________________________________________________________________
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---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
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------11.26.94-----------------------------------------------------#024------
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Skinhead Hamlet
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Appreciated by Snarfblat
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by
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K.K. Campbell
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Great art is timeless. But language is not. A never-ending fear is
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that great cultural works of art lose their appeal to new generations of
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youth because they remain locked in the antiquated tongue of past eras.
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In an effort to keep Shakespeare alive with the skinhead subculture, the
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fine students of Washington University have launched a new translation
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of Shakespeare's timeless Hamlet.
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"Our hope was to achieve something like the effect of the New English
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Bible," the editors explain in their brief introduction to the work in
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progress.
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We at eye applaud this historic effort and look forward to the completed
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manuscript. Here's a peek at a couple of scenes:
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ACT I, SCENE I: The battlements of Elsinore Castle. Enter Hamlet,
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followed by Ghost.
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Ghost: Oi! Mush!
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Hamlet: Yer?
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Ghost: I was fucked! (Exit Ghost.)
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Hamlet: O, fuck. (Exit Hamlet.)
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SCENE III: Ophelia's Bedroom. Enter Ophelia and Laertes.
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Laertes: I'm fucking off now. Watch Hamlet doesn't slip you one while
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I'm gone.
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Ophelia: I'll be fucked if he does. (Exeunt.)
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ACT II, SCENE I: A corridor in the castle. Enter Hamlet reading. Enter
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Polonius.
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Polonius: Oi! You!
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Hamlet: Fuck off, grandad!
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(Exit Polonius. Enter Rosencranz and Guildenstern.)
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Rosencrantz and Guildenstern: Oi! Oi! Mucca!
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Hamlet: Fuck off, the pair of you!
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(Exit Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.)
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Hamlet: (Alone) To fuck or be fucked.
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(Enter Ophelia.)
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Ophelia: My Lord!
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Hamlet: Fuck off to a nunnery! (They exit in different directions.)
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And now the exciting conclusion. Note how the intricacies of the Bard's
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plotting remains as powerful as ever.
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ACT V SCENE II: Large Hall. Enter Hamlet, Laertes, Court, Gertrude and
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Claudius.
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Laertes: Oi, wanker, let's get on with it.
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Hamlet: Delighted, fuckface.
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(They fight and both are poisoned by the poisoned sword.)
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Laertes: Fuck!
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Hamlet: Fuck!
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Gertrude: (The Queen drinks.) Fucking odd wine!
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Claudius: You drunk the wrong fucking cup, you stupid cow!
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Hamlet: (Pouring the poison down Claudius' throat) Well, fuck you!
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Claudius: I'm fair and squarely fucked.
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Laertes: Oi, mush, no hard feelings, eh?
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Hamlet: Yer.
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(Laertes dies.)
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Hamlet: Oi! Horatio!
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Horatio: Yer?
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Hamlet: I'm fucked. The rest is fucking silence.
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(Hamlet dies in Horatio's arms.)
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Horatio: Fuck, that was no ordinary wanker, you know.
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==============================================================================
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IBFT: If we hate you, you don't deserve to know why.
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Information:
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bleed@unix.amherst.edu
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ftp.etext.org:/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146
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==============================================================================
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