403 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
403 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
_____________________________________________________________________________
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---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
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------05.25.94-----------------------------------------------------#021------
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Politically Correct Primer
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Appreciated by Jason Farnon and Snarfblat
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From: GEN4057@Husky1.StMarys.Ca (CAL AMYOTTE)
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Subject: Politically Correct?
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------------------------------------------------------------------------
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PC PRIMER
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------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Q: WHAT IS P.C.?
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PC stands for Politically Correct. We of the Politically Correct
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philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures,
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race, gender, ideology and alternate lifestyles. Political Correctness
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is the only social and morally acceptable outlook. Anyone who disagrees
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with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded.
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Q: WHY SHOULD I BE PC?
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Being PC is fun. PCism is not just an attitude, it is a way of life! PC
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offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social
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evils of centuries of oppression.
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Q: I AM A WHITE MALE. CAN I STILL BE PC?
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Sure. You just have to feel very guilty.
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Q: WHY?
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If you are a white male, your ancestors were responsible for practically
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every injustice in the world- slavery, war, genocide and plaid sportscoats.
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That means that YOU are partially responsible for these atrocities. Now
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it is time to balance the scales of justice for the descendants of those
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individuals whose ancestors your ancestors pushed down.
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Q: HOW?
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It's simple. You've got to be careful what you say, what you think, and
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what you do. You just don't want to offend anyone.
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Q: YOU MEAN I SHOULD GUARD AGAINST OFFENDING ANYONE?
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That's right. Being offensive is destructive, and will not make the world
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a harmonious utopia, like in John Lennon's IMAGINE.
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Q: HOW ELSE CAN I BE PC?
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Oh, there are lots of ways. For example, why buy regular ice cream when you
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can buy "Rain Forest Crunch?" Segrega..whoops..separate all of your garbage
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into different containers: glass, metal, white paper, blue paper, plastic,
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etc. Make sure that all your make-up has not been tested on animals. Try to
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find at least sixty ways to use your water; when you take a shower, brush your
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teeth at the same time. Then don't let the water go down the drain, use it to
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irrigate your lawn. Or better yet, replace your lawn with a vegetable garden.
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Don't use aerosol. And by all means, don't burn or deface our flag. Remember,
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as a citizen of Canada, your living in God's country.
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If you are fortunate enough to know your ethnic heritage, dress the part!
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Don't do drugs. You should listen to at least one of the following PC
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musicians: U2, REM, Sinead O'Connor, Sting, or KD Lang.
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Harrass people who wear fur coats. Remind them that an innocent baby seal was
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mercilessly clubbed. Or just yell, "FUR." They hate that.
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And don't EVER eat meat.
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Q: DON'T EAT MEAT? WHY NOT?!
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Cows are animals, just like humans are animals. That means that they have
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rights. When you eat meat, you're oppressing animals!
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Q: SO ALL KILLING IS BAD?
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No, not always. Sometimes killing can be justified, like in the Persian
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Gulf. You have to be able to tell when an animal has rights, and when
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it doesn't.
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Q: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN AN ANIMAL HAS RIGHTS?
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The general rule is as follows:
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IF AN ANIMAL IS RARE, PRETTY, BIG, CUTE, FURRY,
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HUGGABLE, OR LOVABLE, THEN IT HAS RIGHTS.
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Examine the following chart:
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RIGHTS NO RIGHTS
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-------- -----------
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cows cockroaches
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cute bunnies flies
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dolphins in tuna nets tuna in tuna nets
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whales sharks
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red squirrels gray squirrels
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owls loggers
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harbor seals barnacles
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Q: WOW. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BE PC?
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Hug a tree. Rejoice each day in our cultural differences, for they are what
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gives flavour to our great country. Get in touch with your sexual identity.
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Check your refrigerator for freon leaks. Subscribe to National Geographic.
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Search it for neat non-Western cultural traditions and costumes. After you
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read it, use the paper as an alternate fuel source.
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Q: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALL OF THIS.
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If you are feeling unsure about your motivation, just remember. YOU ARE
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RIGHT. It's that simple. You are right.
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Q: HOW DO I KNOW IF AN ACTION IS UN-PC?
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Good question. It's important to know when someone is saying something
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insensitive so that you can have that person removed from society. The
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guideline is as follows:
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Is the confrontation between two white people?
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Yes -> The liberal is right.
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No -> The white person is oppressing the ethnic person.
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Remember, many seemingly obvious issues, such as the railroading
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of Mayor Marion Barry, the Clarence Thomas issue, and the Saint Mary's
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University Carribean Society shut-down are really race issues.
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Here's a fun practice drill for you: See how many newspaper articles you can
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make into race bias stories. It's fun! Some PCers are so good they can make
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the weather report look like a KKK pamphlet!
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Q: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING NON-PC?
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It all depends on the situation. If you are not in a position of authority,
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by all means report this activity immediately to whomever is in charge. If
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your school leader, employer, or superior is hip to the trend of the 90s,
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she or he will take the necessary steps to have the insensitive offender
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disciplined.
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Q: BUT ISN'T THAT CENSORSHIP?
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The Constitution never meant for racism, sexism and insensitivity to be
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espoused by anyone. That's not what free speech is about. Some call it
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censorship. PCers call it "selective" speech. Saying something negative
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about a particular race or gender is just as damaging as, say, punching
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them in the face. We just can't allow that kind of verbal assault.
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Q: I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT PC WORDS TO REPLACE "BLACK," "INDIAN." ETC.
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Yes. That's part of the PC movement. You see, part of the way we think
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about people comes directly from the words we use to describe them. Take
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"black" for instance. Why should a person be judged by the color of
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their skin?
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Q: YOU MEAN THEY SHOULD RATHER BE JUDGED BY THE CONTENT OF THEIR
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CHARACTER?
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No, I mean they should be judged by where their ancestors are from. If your
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great grandparents are from Africa, or Asia, or wherever, then you should
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be identified by that fact. You can even apply for special scholarships!
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Q: I'M A MIXTURE OF FRENCH, GERMAN, ENGLISH, AND RUSSIAN. CAN I GET
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ONE?
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No, there are none offered to white males however, if you are a women
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...oops... womyn, there should be plenty.
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Q HEY, WOULDN'T A WHITE PERSON FROM LIBYA OR EGYPT TECHNICALLY BE AN
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AFRICAN-CANADIAN?
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Technically, yes. But that's not the kind of African-Canadian we mean.
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That is, we're REALLY talking about skin color, but we're pretending that
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we aren't. Another example: A white South-African immigrant is not
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an African-Canadian or either.
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Q: HOW CAN I LEARN TO MAKE MY LANGUAGE MORE POLITICALLY CORRECT?
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For more help, see the PC LEXICON at the end of the handbook.
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Q: I'D LIKE MY CHILD TO BE PC. WHAT CAN I DO?
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Well, for one thing, we should forcibly encourage students to volunteer
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their time with philanthropies. Also, we should re-emphasize non-Western
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perspectives on history. Finally, we should re-structure tests and quizzes
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to reflect cultural biases.
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Q: I DON'T GET IT.
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Well, the way the system works now, "select" under-represented minorities
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who tend to do worse on entrance tests have lower standards of admissions
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at school and work and receive preferential treatment. This is unfair
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and wrong.
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Q: IT IS?
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Yes. The truly PC way to do it is to have a different grading scale for
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different groups which gives or subtracts points from the final score,
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depending on who is taking the test. If you are white, then you have been
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benefited by society during your life. That means that you lose
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ten to fifteen points to make the test fair to everyone else.
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Q: I GUESS THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.
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It IS right. That's the beauty of PC.
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Q: WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF?
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Humor. PC people take every comment VERY seriously. We will not accept
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any comment, joke, remark, or anything that sounds like it could be a
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racial slur.
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Q: GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE.
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"What's black and white and red all over?" has been staple humor for
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decades. Not PC---it can be taken the wrong way.
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In every day speech, try to use phrases like,
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"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle African-Canadian." Any racial
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jokes or jokes even mentioning culture or gender should be omitted. True,
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this mostly limits comedy to the level of sitcoms, but that's the price you
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pay for social equality.
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Q: IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?
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Yes. The Politically Correct belief is essentially a recognition that
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people are diversely equal. We rejoice in this equality by treating
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people differently based on their equal individuality. Hop aboard the
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bandwagon... Be PC. Or you're an intolerant, racist, sexist insensitive
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pig.
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------------------------------------------------------------------------
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PC LEXICON
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------------------------------------------------------------------------
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"Insensitive Term" "Preferred Term"
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------------------ ----------------
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-> ETHNICITY <-
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(PC people do not recognize the term, "race," as valid)
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Black - African-Canadian
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(NOTE: DOES NOT INCLUDE
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LIBYANS, EGYPTIONS, WHITE
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S-AFRICANS.
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DOES INCLUDE
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PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN REGARDLESS OF
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WHERE THEY ARE FROM OR WHERE THEY LIVE.)
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Oriental - Asian-Canadian
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(NOTE: NOT CONSIDERED "REAL" MINORITIES
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SINCE THEY TEND TO DO WELL)
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Indian - Native-Canadian
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(NOTE: THE FOLLOWING TEAMS ARE NOT PC:
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Atlanta Braves
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Cleveland Indians
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Kansas City Chiefs
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Washington Redskins
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AVOID THESE CITIES!!!)
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Chicano - Hispanic
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(NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT PC:
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Cheech and Chong
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Chico and the Man episodes
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Cisco Kid
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Rosarita Salsa
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Speedy Gonzales
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AVOID! AVOID!)
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White Trash - PC Unaware
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Rustically Inclined
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WASP (white male) - Insensitive Cultural Oppressor (ICO)
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-> GENDER <-
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(PC people don't like the word "sex" as it has confusing connotations)
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Woman - Womyn, Vaginal-Canadian
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Girl - Pre-Womyn
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Housewife - Domestic Engineer
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Fireman - Firefighter
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Stewardess - Flight Attendant
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Meter Maid - Parking Enforcement Aduciator
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Post Man - Post Person
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Mail Man - Person Person
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Policeman - Law Enforcement Officer
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Baton Boy
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Cal. Clubber
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Prostitute - Sex Surrogate
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(Teen Victim. See: Broken Home)
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Mankind, Human - Earth Children
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-> PEOPLE : SUB-GROUPS <-
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Handicapped - Physically Challenged
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Differently Abled
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Handi-Capable
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Blind - Optically Darker
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Photonically Non-receptive
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Deaf - Visually Oriented
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Poor - Economically Unprepared
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Bum - Homeless Person
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Displaced Homeowner
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Philosophy Major
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Hunter - Animal Assassin
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Meat Mercenary
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Bambi Butcher
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Whaler - Blubber Lovers
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Old Person / Elderly - 4th-Dimentionally Extended
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Gerontologically Advanced
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Conservative - Right Wing Extremist Fascist Pig
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Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged
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Bald - Comb-Free
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Bisexual - Sexually Non-preferential
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Midget, Dwarf - Little People
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Vertically Challenged
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Convict - Socially Separated
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Insane People - Selectively Perceptive
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Mental Explorers
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(person with) (person with)
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Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability
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Tree-Hugger - Environmental Activist
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Logger - Wood Weasel
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Paper Pirate
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Treeslayer
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Dead People - Dysfunctional Earth Children
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Biologically Challenged
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Metaphysically Challenged
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-> MISCELLANEOUS <-
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Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family
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HouseBroken - Family Disfunction
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Cattle Ranch - Cattle Concentration Camp (CCC)
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"Moo-shwitz"
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Senile Bag o' Bones - Alzheimer's Victim
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Ghetto/Barrio - (EHA) Ethnically Homogenous Area
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Pre-Integrated Pre-Nirvana
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Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh (SMAF)
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Cheeseburger - Adding Insult to Injury
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Cheating (in School) - Academic Dishonesty
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Used Books - Recycled Books
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Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units
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Gang - Youth Group
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Pimp-mobile, Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation
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Option
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Drunk/Trashed - Spatially Perplexed
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Slum - (EOZ) Economic Oppression Zone
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Delicatessen - Corpse Farm
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Charnel House
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Obese - People of Mass
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Gravitationally Challenged
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==============================================================================
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IBFT: We Break Your Wooden Leg
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Information, mailing list:
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bleed-request@unix.amherst.edu
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ftp.etext.org:/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146
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==============================================================================
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