138 lines
6.6 KiB
Plaintext
138 lines
6.6 KiB
Plaintext
_____________________________________________________________________________
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---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
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------04.06.94-----------------------------------------------------#011------
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How to be Elite at 7-11
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by Snarfblat
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This file describes how to be an ANARCHIST at 7-11. If this kind of thing
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bothers you, stop reading now. If you are a PIG, stop reading now and go
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kill yourself. You'll never catch us and even if you do we're protected by
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the First Amendment. You'll be the first against the wall when the
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revolution comes and there's not a GODDAMN thing you can do about it.
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What Food to Buy
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----------------
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Any idiot can go into 7-11 and walk out with cigars, aspirin and the latest
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issue of Bop. (In fact, many do just that). This is not the purpose of
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7-11. Aside from the obvious things (Slurpees) you must look for specials.
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Case History: Momints
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Mo' mints, y0! On one of our journeys to 7-11, we found a rack of "out of
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season" Valentine's Day candy that had gone stale. We purchased a box of
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"Momints" for 15 cents and ate them. They were evil. They probably weren't
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any better even when they were fresh, so we did what any True Anarchists
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would do. We spat them out. This led to a Momints barf-fest in which we ate
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and regurgitated large quantities of these little wonders. The chocolate
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coating provided a cool nasty brown color, and the unnamable gooey interior
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gave a pleasant stringy consisency to our chocospewage. However, the fun was
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not to last. The next time we went to 7-11, the Guy That Hates Us said that
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Momints were not part of the post-valentines special. Our time of joy with
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Momints had merely been the result of the blurry vision of the Mentally
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Incapacitated Generation X Guy who had mischarged us. Forever after, Momints
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were $1.79 a box, but for one night they had helped us stain the street brown
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with our hate.
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Also, look for free things. Free things are anything you can fit in your
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pocket or bag, or eat in the store.
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The Slurpee Method
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------------------
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Pioneered by Random Tox, The Slurpee Method enables one to get the most out
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of their slurpee experience. Worst of all, it is perfectly legal. We
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include it because it _would_ be illegal if anyone knew we were doing it.
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First, fill your cup to the rim with whichever flavor(s) you want. Put the
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dome-shaped lid on, and fill it to the top. This is the point at which point
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most people would take their masterpiece to the cretin at the cash register.
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These people are not anarchists. You are. So, take a straw and stir your
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slurpee with it. You will eventually notice that a cylindrical hole is
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appearing in the middle of the slurpee. What do you think you should do?
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a) Waste your money on Air Slurpee.
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b) Cool now I have something to fuck since I'm too lame to get a woman.
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c) Put more Slurpee in the cup you damn country boy!
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You can core out the center of your slurpee several times before it stops
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working. Lots of free slurpee can be obtained in this manner.
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Tox also discovered that making a mess is a sure way to piss off the fascists
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who work at 7-11. He once spilled his slurpee, cleaned it up with napkins and
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LEFT them on the counter next to the slurpee machine. When he was paying,
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an evil corporate pawn stuffed the napkins in Tox's pocket, bleating "You
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forgot these!"
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Another way to get lots of free slurpee is to just drink it in the store.
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Works especially well if you are big and scary looking.
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Trashing at 7-11
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----------------
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If you trash at a 7-11 in a fairly wealthy neighborhood, you will inevitably
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find credit card numbers. We have found upwards of 50 numbers in a single
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trash bag. Sometimes the *actual* *card* can be found as well.
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When you trash at 7-11, you must dress like a homeless person. Most 7-11's
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have at least 3 cameras and one laser pointing at the dumpster. You don't
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want to make them suspicious.
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Another cool thing you may find are milk crates. These are not actually
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trash, and taking them is STEALING. Make sure you paint them a different
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color after you steal them and sand off the serial numbers so the PIGS don't
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catch you if they raid your house without a search warrant.
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Tricking Blind People
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---------------------
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We could easily devote hundreds of pages of text to tricking blind people, so
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I'm just going to touch on a few things. First, let me get this out of the
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way: If the cashier is blind, and you need to read this file to get ideas,
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you're pretty sad.
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Here's one way to trick blind people: There is usually a large thing of York
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peppermint patties at the checkout counter, for 5 cents each. Buy them. Buy
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them all. You could go to a supermarket and buy a bag of them, or go to BJ's
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or Costco and buy them bulk, but that wouldn't be Being an Anarchist at 7-11.
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Now eat them and save the wrappers. Or throw them away and save the
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wrappers. The point is, save the wrappers. Now fold the wrappers back
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together. This is the tricky part. You are not trying to make it look like
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there is a York peppermint patty in there: you are trying to make it look
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like there is a CONDOM in there. Go sell these round, condom-shaped packages
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to blind people, for a dollar each.
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Another idea is to dress up like a blind person and buy stuff. When they try
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to rip you off, (even the most honest person can't resist stealing from blind
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people), take off your disguise and sue them. You will get lots of money.
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The downside to this is that 7-11 might raise their prices, but who cares,
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you're rich.
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Glass Sports
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------------
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There is a fairly common practice in England of someone stealing a car and
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crashing it through the front of a closed store and then everyone loots the
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place. This would work especially well at 7-11, because it is never closed.
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This gives you the opportunity to kill the asshole working there. Who will
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come to save him? Nobody.
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Well, these are just a few ideas. Remember that the tried and true anarchy
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methods are fully applicable to 7-11: Home made firearms, pyrotechnics, pipe
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bombs (note: if you are from Canada you should not attempt to build a
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pipebomb because you are stupid and will get hurt.)
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Good luck, and happy anarchy.
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==============================================================================
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IBFT is: Farnon's cat - kiesa%tacobel@merk.com Home Board: (508)371-9849
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Snarf's cat - clawdia%tacobel@merk.com Pulsating Temple of Stan
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ftp:141.214.4.135:/docs/ibft ---><--- gopher:ftp.etext.org:/Zines/IBFT
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mailing list: bleed-request@unix.amherst.edu
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==============================================================================
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