649 lines
31 KiB
Plaintext
649 lines
31 KiB
Plaintext
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********* *** *** ******
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********* *** *** *** *
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*** *** *** *** **
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*** ********* *******
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*** *** *** *** **
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*** *** *** *** **
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*** he *** *** umus *** ** eport
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THE Electronic Fun Zone dedicated to fertilizing Mother Earth
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in the finest possible tradition. Serving Mother since the 1950s.
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Issue 006, Vol I
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June 1988
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copyright (c) 1988
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caren park
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chief bottle washer, owner, publisher, editor, other stuff
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all rights reserved, and all that legal rigamarole
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============================================================================
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A few words:::
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Well, it's been a little bit too long between issues, and I
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apologize for that, but things around my chaotic manor have been slightly
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more confused than normal. Fortunately, as I appear to be enjoying myself
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thoroughly, they don't promise to become any less confusing until xmastime.
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This issue will contain, among other things, the second in our
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never-ending series on phone answering machine messages, "Twilight Phone,
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The Sequel," as well as our usual assortment of odd and bizarre items...
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This show can thank the following people: Peter Klein ("RAYGN"),
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the inventor of phone answering machines AND the Phone Answering Machine
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Comedians of America (PAMCA), a few politicians, a director of surgery, a
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Chinese restaurant named "Hygiene" and, I'm sure, just a few other little
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goodies... So, without further adieu, on with the show...
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============================================================================
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"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here..."
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============================================================================
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Birthdays for the month include numerous famous and infamous folk...
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Marilyn Monroe (1st, 1926), Marquis de Sade (2nd, 1740) and Pope Pius X
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(2nd, 1835)... Bjorn Borg (6th, 1956)... Mohammed, the original Islam
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prophet, was born on the 8th in 570... Frank Lloyd Wright (8th, 1869)...
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Paul McCartney ("Did you know that Paul McCartney was in a band BEFORE
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Wings?", 18th, 1942)... Martha Washington, our first First Lady under the
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latest Constitution of the United States (21st, 1732)... Pearl Buck (author
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of "The Good Earth, 26th, 1819)... and Helen Keller (27th, 1880)...
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A few computer people born in the month of June include: Blaise
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Pascal, who didn't know he would probably be more famous for the language
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named after him than for his mathematics (19th, 1623) and, Alan Turing, who
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was said to have done as much for the cause of the west during World War II
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as anyone, designer of the Turing Test for artifical intelligence (23rd,
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1912)...
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Notable entertainers include Donald Duck (9th, 1934), who was always
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being upstaged by some rodent or other... Jacques Cousteau (11th, 1910), a
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man who has brought millions pleasure while he rakes in the bucks doing
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something he seems to enjoy doing... Henry Louis Gehrig, felled by a
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disease that acquired his name after it took his life (19th, 1903)...
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Garfield the Cat, lover of Lasagna, snappy comebacks and independence at all
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costs (19th, 1978)... Abner Doubleday, who is credited with inventing the
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all-American pasttime that crams 20 minutes of action into a 2+-hour
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experience... and Bob Keeshan, affectionately known by kids of all ages for
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more than 30 years as "Captain Kangaroo" (27th, 1927)...
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Oh, and a merry birthday anniversary greeting to Henry VIII of
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England (28th, 1491), who always had others become head-over-heels about
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him... so to speak...
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"Casey at the Bat" was first published by the San Francisco Examiner
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on the 3rd in 1888... "Dragnet" first polluted the airways exactly 61 years
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later on KFI (Los Angeles)... Me, I think I appreciate "Casey" more...
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Lots of days around... Egg Day (3rd), Old Maid's Day (4th, though
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whoever gave the day that name I'd like to invite to a barbeque, where they
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would become part of the entree...), Kamehameha Day (11th in Hawaii),
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Kitchen Klutzes of America Day AND The National Asparagus Festival (13th...
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kinda says it all, doesn't it?), National Bald Eagles Day (20th),
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Midsummers' Day (24th), and National Fink Day on the 27th...
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Ada Lovelace meets Charles Babbage for the first time (5th, 1833)...
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even if you aren't interested in computers at all, this "affair" should be
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one that you would want to delve into deeper...
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The first drive-in movie theatre opens in the heart of the
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depression (not to mention Camden, NJ, too) on the 6th, 1933... The first
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commercially-made ice cream was sold in New York on the 8th, 1786 (no
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mention as to flavor, quality, advertising dollars, or franchise rights)...
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The first Apple Computer Apple II computer was launched on the 10th, 1977...
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less than three years later, they'd shipped a few more... On the 13th,
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1983, Pioneer 10 is the first man-made object to leave the solar system...
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Bunson invented his first burner on the 14th, 1847, giving lots of chem and
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physics students something to burn chemicals and pyrex tubing with... The
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first motion picture (used 12 cameras, too) was caused to happen on the
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15th, 1878... It was done initially to see if all four of a horse's hooves
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left the ground during a gallop. Leland Stanford, original proprieter of
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Snodfart University in Palo Alto sorta, bet that they didn't... He lost...
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The first woman in space was Valentina Tereshkova (CCCP) on the
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16th, 1963, aboard Vostok 6... The first Watergate break-in of any
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consequence occurred on the 17th, 1972... Macadamia nuts were first planted
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in Hawaii on the 18th, 1892. This fails to explain, however, why the nuts
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are still so damned expensive. You'd think they'd have figured out how to
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lower prices by now... Ed Sullivan begins a Sunday night tradition (as Ed
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himself would call it, his "reeeeeelly big shoooeee") on the 20th, 1948...
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The first donut was invented on the 22nd, 1847. It is unknown at this time
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when the "doughnut" was invented... Pluto, our 9th planet, is discovered to
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have something called "Charon" orbiting it on the 22nd, 1978. No connection
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between the donut and Charon has yet been established...
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The Battle of Bunker Hill is fought on Breed's Hill on the 16th,
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1775... Flying saucers were first sighted and identified as being flying
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saucers (as opposed to "... that weird thing in the sky ..." on the 24th,
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1947, by someone named Kenneth near Mount Rainier (the only mountain named
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for a beer that I can think of) in Washington state... Five Canterbury
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monks report something exploded on the Moon on the 25th, 1178... We were
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unable to find out what herbs were placed in their dinner plates that
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night. Research continues... And, a giant fireball/comet/meteorite/
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spaceship/something fell from the sky into Central Siberia and rocked the
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Earth before Buddy Holly, on the 30th, 1908...
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For you future folk, a transit of Venus will occur on the 8th,
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2004... write that one down on the calendar... Father's Day occurs on a
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Sunday this month, too... I think it's the 19th... And, the big news item
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of 1820: The tomato was proven to be edible (not poisonous) on the 28th...
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The things you can learn by reading The Humus Report... Boggles the mind...
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============================================================================
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Some people have to work to think "differently," and others simply
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have it thrust upon them at birth... I'm not entirely sure where this next
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piece comes from, but I do know that the author was probably born...
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The Theory of Dark Suckers
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For years it was believed that light wes emitted from an electric
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bulb; recent information has proven otherwise --- dark is sucked into the
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bulb --- therefore, the bulb is a dark sucker.
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There are many types and sizes of dark suckers. The largest
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manufacturers of dark suckers are General Electric and Sylvania. Some
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modern dark suckers utilize solid power to operate properly. Solid power
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units can be purchased from Eveready, Exide, and Duracell.
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The dark sucker theory proves the existence of dark suckers as well
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as proving that dark is heavier than light. Some examples are as follows:
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Electric bulbs: There is less dark near the electric bulb than at a
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distance of 100 feet when it is operating; therefore, it is sucking dark
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and can be classified as a dark sucker. The larger the dark sucker, the
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greater the distance it can suck dark. The larger the dark sucker, the
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greater its capacity of dark. The dark sucking capabilities are evident
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when the dark sucker has reached its capacity and will no longer suck dark.
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At that point, you may notice the dark area on the inside portion of the
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dark sucker. The larger the dark sucker, the larger the area of dark found
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within. This type of dark sucker can be made directional by placing a
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shield around a portion of the unit or behind it. This will prevent dark
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from entering the dark sucker from that side thereby extending the range of
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the dark sucker on the unprotected/unshielded side.
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Candles: primitive dark suckers: There is more dark 30 feet from a
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lit candle than there is at a distance of 3 feet. Proof of its dark sucking
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capabilities is relatively simple. Examine a new unused candle, notice that
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the center core is not dark. Ignite the center core. Allow the center core
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to burn for about 5 minutes. Notice the lack of dark around the candle.
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Extinguish the candle flame. Notice that the center core of the candle is
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now dark. The center core is a dark sucker protected by a soft insulator to
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extend its life expectancy and maintain rigidity to verify that this
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primitive dark sucker is operating properly. Ignite the center core and
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allow it to burn for a minimum of 2 minutes. Pass a clean pencil over the
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top of the flame, left to right, approximately 3 inches above the center
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core. Notice that there is no dark on the pencil. Pass the pencil over the
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center core now about 1/2 inch. Notice that the pencil now has a dark area.
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The pencil blocked the path of the dark being sucked to the core of the dark
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sucker. This type dark sucker is very primitive and does not suck dark any
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great distance, nor does it have a large capacity.
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Dark sucker solid power units may be purchased locally at a variety
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of outlets. Size does not determine the life expectancy of the dark sucker
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solid power unit. These solid power units work with many modern dark
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suckers, and absorb dark from the dark sucker. The absorbed dark is
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converted to solid power within the unit.
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An example of the conversion of dark into solid power in the
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automobile of today: Notice an auto in use during dark hours. Two
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(possibly four) large dark suckers are located on the front. On the rear
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there are two (or 3) smaller dark suckers with red filters. You may also
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notice several dark suckers with yellow filters. These filters are required
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to remove a percentage of red and yellow from total dark so as to energize
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the solid power unit. The solid power unit permits the auto to be utilized
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during hours of no dark by the dark it has absorbed. The number of dark
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suckers varies with the age of the automobile. Newer automobile solid power
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units require a greater percentage of red-filtered dark. Older units
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generally require more non-filtered dark. The solid power unit of the
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automobile has a dark interior.
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This can be proved by cutting the solid power unit in half. Dark is
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heavier than light. Dark always settles to the bottom of a lake and/or
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river. Submerge just below the surface of a lake and you will notice an
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absence of dark. Lower yourself to 15 feet below the surface and you will
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notice a degree of darkness even on a sunny, bright day. Lower yourself to
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50 feet (or more) below the surface and you are in total dark. Ergo, the
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dark has settled to the bottom; therefore, dark is heavier than light.
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Modern technology has allowed us to utilize the dark that has
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settled to the bottom of large rivers through the creation of turbines which
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push the dark downriver to the ocean, which has a larger holding capacity
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for dark and is a common safe storage location. As the dark is passed
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through the turbine, a percentage of solid power is removed and transmitted
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to various short term storage plants for many usages. Prior to turbines, it
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was much more difficult to move the dark from rivers to storage areas such
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as deep lakes or the ocean. The Indians would paddle their canoes very
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little and not very deeply if they were going in the direction of flow of
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dark so as not to slow it down. However, if they were traveling opposite
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the natural flow of dark, they would dig their paddles very deep and rapidly
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to assist the flow of dark to its ocean storage place.
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Dark is faster than light. If you would open a drawer very slowly,
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you will notice that the light goes into the drawer. You can see this
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happen. You cannot see the dark leave the drawer. Continue to open the
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drawer and light will continue to enter the drawer; however, you will not
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see any dark leave the drawer. Therefore, dark is faster than light. Go
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into a closet, close the door, and turn off the dark sucker. Have a friend
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open the door about 1 inch. Your friend will not see any dark leave the
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closet, nor will you. Have your friend open the door until half the closet
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is dark and half is light. Since 2 objects cannot occupy the same space at
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the same time, and you do not feel any change in pressure, by compressing
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the dark, it is logical to assume that dark is faster than light.
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One last proof. What is a by-product of movement of dark? Heat.
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What is a by-product of dark suckers? Heat again. Therefore, a dark sucker
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generates heat during its operation, sucking dark from the surrounding area
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============================================================================
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Speaking of folks that don't think along the same lines as "normal"
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folk, Peter Klein is a programmer who works in the Seattle area. This is
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not to say that he doesn't think "normally," nor is this to point out that
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the Seattle area in general has more than its share of such people. Such
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disclaimers aren't necessary when dealing with people who share common
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interests, even though those interests aren't the only aspects that appeal
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to one such as myself during particular phases of the Moon...
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Oh. Where was I?
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Oh, yeah... Peter is a nice guy, and his politics just happen to
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coincide with mine from time to time...
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For example, now...
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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After recent telecasts of the "Barbara Walters Special" and "Bedtime
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For Bonzo," I dreamed of the following scenario:
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IRRITATING FEMALE VOICE: Hewo, this is Baba Wawa at the White
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House. We wiw be tawking with Pwesident and Mrs. Wonald Waygun, who will
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weveal incwedible puhsonal wevawations about their puhsonawities and
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pehsenol wives.
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[COMMERCIAL for Investment Securities Firm]
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IRRITATING FEMALE VOICE: Mistaw Pwesident. is it twoo that theah is
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a new computah wangwidge named aftuh you?
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REASSURING GRANDFATHERLY VOICE: Gee... I don't know. Nancy, what
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do you think?
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Here's what Baba Wawa was talking about, taken from John
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Divorceact's column in INFOWHIRL.
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----------
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BLUECHIP SOFTWARE ANNOUNCES RAYGN --- AN OLD LANGUAGE IN NEW CLOTHES
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by Peter A Klein
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In an attempt to crack more conservative markets, BlueChip Software
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has introduced a new computer language, RAYGN. RAYGN is an enhanced version
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of Orange County BASIC, which is in turn a highly refined version of "Hoover
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Trojan Horse BASIC" (though its authors vehemently deny this, we've seen the
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code -- Ed.).
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Like interpreted BASIC, RAYGN is comfortable, old and a little slow.
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It is very good at simple graphics. It is often inaccurate. But somehow
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the manual always manages to convince the user that it is his perception of
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the problem (rather than RAYGN's answer) that is actually wrong. Ordinary
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people like RAYGN because it is simple, direct, and reminds them of less
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complicated times.
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RAYGN offers many extensions to BASIC. It features a new logical
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function, MORAL, sometimes called "Falwell's Contextual Boolean." MORAL(x)
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may evaluate to either TRUE or FALSE regardless of the actual value of x.
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All that matters is whether x is on the left or right side of an expression.
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A new function called KEISTER has been added, but nobody is sure what it
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does.
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Fixed-point variables of types MILDOLLAR, BILDOLLAR and TRILDOLLAR
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have been added. These may only have negative values (though positive
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values have been promised in time for the next release). When using these
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variable types, a function called COST$2MUCH may be employed. COST$2MUCH(x)
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always evaluates to TRUE, unless the expression 4DEFENSE(x) is also true, in
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which case RAYGN will double or triple the value of x.
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RAYGN's authors believe that their style of programming and memory
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resource allocation is the ONLY true way to program. Thus, RAYGN's
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automatic housecleaning facilities are, shall we say, a bit aggressive. It
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will eliminate any variables it believes are wasteful or unnecessary. It
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may even do this while the variables are in use! It is then the
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responsibility of the user to trim his program or give up on it. According
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to RAYGN's developers, this encourages the writing of tight code.
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Further, if RAYGN discovers any other languages or software in its
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directories, it will attempt to reorganize them according to its own
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principles. Normally, this does not matter, because users of RAYGN are so
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devoted that they wouldn't dream of using another language, anyway.
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However, hard disk users should be careful to keep other software in
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separate directories. This will often suffice, because RAYGN will normally
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not interfere with programs in other directories unless they are very small,
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employ annoyingly flashy graphics, or attempt to write to RAYGN's
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directories.
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But certain software is incompatible with RAYGN and may not exist on
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the same disk with it. RAYGN's authors are unalterably opposed to programs
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that make use of bitwise left shift operators. If RAYGN detects even the
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slightest use of left shift, it will attempt to recode or destroy the
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offending program regardless of what directory it is in. It does no good to
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have such files write-protected, because RAYGN will then switch to direct
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hardware calls (known as "covert disk operations").
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RAYGN has some very limited "artificial intelligence" capabilities.
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It can detect syntax errors and constructions inconsistent with its
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developers' philosophy of programming, even before the RETURN key is
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pressed. When such conditions occur, RAYGN will display the warning
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message, "Go ahead, make my day!" When RAYGN encounters a problem it can't
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solve, it will always default to routines in the library PRIVATSEC.TOR.
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This library has been somewhat unstable of late, so results are uncertain.
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RAYGN may be identified by the prompt string "Well...>" If the
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angle bracket fails to appear, RAYGN is "asleep" and not ready for input.
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The user must press RETURN several times until the bracket appears. RAYGN
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is highly compatible with a pointing device known as the "PC Meese," which
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is also available from RAYGN's developers. It has been noted that the
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language responds much quicker to the Meese than to input from the keyboard,
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or any other device
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============================================================================
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And unfortunately, of course, RAYGN software comes with a user
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license for eight years, and a warranty that things will probably go wrong
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long after the license expires...
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I would like to believe that there is some justice in the world for
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the little guy; you know the one... S/he's been hard at work for eight
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hours every day, making enough money to buy little trinkets that enhance the
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quality of life beyond food, clothes and a roof...
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We'd like to believe in a fairy tale land where the big guys, the
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corporations, the incorporations, and the companies, the lawyers, the
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doctors, the software publishing firms altruistically helped the little
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guy... where they were all held accountable for quality and selection...
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where, when things went wrong, there was no question of letting you "go it
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alone"... where this "warranty" would never be thought of, much less wished
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for fervently...
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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CAREFULLY READ ALL THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THIS AGREEMENT PRIOR
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TO TAKING THIS PAYMENT TO THE BANK. CASHING THIS CHECK INDICATES YOUR
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ACCEPTANCE OF THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS.
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If you do not agree to these onerous and unreasonable conditions,
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return the uncashed check within two to four days, whichever comes first,
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and your program will be refunded. No programs will be returned if you
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reveal the exact amount of this check to any living human.
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1. LICENSE: This check can only be used at a single bank. It may
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not be cashed with any branch offices, unless the branch office at which the
|
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aforementioned check is being cashed is the only branch of that bank that is
|
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open anywhere in the world at that moment. You may physically transfer this
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check to another branch office, as long as you have never shown this check
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to anyone at the first office.
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2. BOOKKEEPING: You may make one copy of this check for your tax
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records, but you may not show the copy to anyone... ever... I mean it.
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3. TERM: This check is valid for thirty (30) days. Should the
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paper disintegrate, or exhibit spontaneous combustion, you be sure to let me
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know.
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4. LIMITED WARRANTY: The best for last. THIS CHECK IS PROVIDED
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"AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING
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BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF FINANCIAL VALUE OR LIQUIDITY.
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THE ENTIRE RISK THAT THIS CHECK CAN BE CASHED, OR THAT IT IS EVEN DRAWN ON A
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BANK THAT ACTUALLY EXISTS ON THE PLANET EARTH IS ASSUMED BY YOU. Should the
|
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check prove defective, you, not I, assume the entire cost of all necessary,
|
|
but fruitless, efforts at reimbursement.
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5. UPDATE POLICY: The licensee must return twelve (12) copies of
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the enclosed Market Survey in order to be eligible for copies of my new
|
|
address and phone number. Each survey must contain different information
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|
--- photo-copying is NOT allowed.
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6. ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: You acknowledge that you and at least two of
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your attorneys have read this agreement, understand it and are prepared to
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repeat it from memory at any time. You further agree and promise that this
|
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agreement is the full, complete and exclusive agreement between the party of
|
|
the first part (me) and the party of the second part (that's you) and that
|
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this agreement supercedes all prior agreements, including the one pasted on
|
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the back of the pretty box in which you ship your floppy diskettes.
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7. REMEMBER, YOU PROMISED!
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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One might wonder what the bank would think of something like that,
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especially if it were imprinted in "fine print" upon every check?
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I can't help but chuckle at the thought... :)
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============================================================================
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About three or four months ago, we ran a little piece on phone
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answering machine messages... Well, we have a few more to add to our ever-
|
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increasing library of odd, and we'd like to share them with you... Welcome
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back to...
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|
Twilight Phone, The Sequel...
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Fill your outgoing phone machine message tape with a busy signal, or
|
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a ring/chirp/click/dialtone sequence. Only people who know that your
|
|
machine is filled with 'signal' and those dumb enough to hang on for the
|
|
beep will be able to leave a message
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
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Fill your outgoing phone machine message tape with a speech by a
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well-known politician type, the snow report, or the weather in Tampa/St
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|
Petersburg
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Shortest answering machine message so far is just a hurried, harried
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"WHAT?!"
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
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*ring*
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"Hello. I'm really nervous. I'm doing a message for my very first
|
|
time. I hope I'm good. And I hope I don't finish too soon. Here goes:
|
|
'Leave your name and number at the tone.' ...AHHHHHH! Was it as good for
|
|
you as it was for me?"
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|
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*beep*
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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*ring*
|
|
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"If you are selling something, I am broke and a bad credit risk. If
|
|
you are giving something away, I'll take all ya got, but the delivery is at
|
|
your expense, and I will agree to nothing. If you want to ask a few
|
|
questions, I get two hundred dollars an hour for consulting, one hour
|
|
minimum, cash in advance. If you want a donation, think for a moment; I
|
|
can't afford to hire a person to call you, so why don't you donate something
|
|
to me?"
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|
|
|
*beep*
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
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|
|
Taking a small recorder to the ape house at the zoo and recording an
|
|
excited group of primates makes for an effective answering machine tape
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
The outgoing message on a friend's machine was made up of actual
|
|
Mother Bell phone system error messages. It went like this:
|
|
|
|
*ring*
|
|
|
|
"The party you have called is not available. Your call is being
|
|
diverted to an alternate number. Please stand by..."
|
|
|
|
*ring*
|
|
|
|
"The number you have called must be dialed by your 0 operator"
|
|
|
|
*click, beep, dial tone*
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|
|
|
============================================================================
|
|
|
|
The news... such an integral part of our life, and yet we tend to
|
|
ignore it so blindly... If it weren't for news, we wouldn't be able to
|
|
bring you such well-written items as these you have before you...
|
|
|
|
Behold...
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|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
To wash or not to wash your car, that is the dilemma in Moscow.
|
|
Lawmakers with an uncanny feel for a Catch-22 have devised the cleanliness
|
|
rules for Moscow's estimated half-million private motorists.
|
|
|
|
Drivers can be fined up to 10 rubles ($11.50) by traffic police if
|
|
they're caught at the wheel of a car officially rated as dirty.
|
|
|
|
On the other hand, washing a car inside the city limits is against
|
|
the law. A violation on this count can result in a fine of 30 rubles or
|
|
more. But there's more.
|
|
|
|
Washing a car out in the country, at a river, lake or reservoir,
|
|
carries an even heavier penalty --- 100 rubles or more.
|
|
|
|
So, one would reason, go to a carwash. But that's another "Gotcha!"
|
|
|
|
There are carwashing stations in the capital --- but not nearly
|
|
enough to meet the needs of private car owners. In fact, the government
|
|
newspaper Izvestia figures, only 1 percent of the city's private cars could
|
|
be cleaned in these stations if they were open 24 hours a day.
|
|
|
|
Discouraged? Hold on.
|
|
|
|
All the carwashers in the Moscow metropolitan area are on the
|
|
fringes of the city. It's a one-hour journey to and from them, with several
|
|
hours of waiting.
|
|
|
|
So anyone who admits using such a carwash should be fired for
|
|
absenteeism, Izvestia says
|
|
|
|
- 04 June 1985 Moscow LA Times -
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
The director of surgery at a New York hospital says slim people in
|
|
general stand a better chance of surviving a jump from the Brooklyn Bridge,
|
|
and slender women have an even better chance of living through the 160-foot
|
|
fall. Dr Howard Richman should know. His hospital is located at the base
|
|
of the bridge
|
|
|
|
- 05 June 1985 NYC UPI -
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
A woman who allegedly planned to use a stolen 10-speed bicycle to
|
|
escape after a bank robbery discovered too late that a thief had made off
|
|
with the bike during her holdup, police said.
|
|
|
|
Roberta Sikoff, 26, of Culver City, California, was arrested for
|
|
investigation of robbery Friday after a holdup at Home Savings of America.
|
|
|
|
Sikoff had pedaled to the bank on a bicycle she allegedly stole
|
|
earlier Friday, Officer Andy Hischar said. But when she ran from the bank,
|
|
the bike was gone.
|
|
|
|
Police said an undisclosed amount of money was recovered after the
|
|
holdup and the woman was being held in lieu of $6,000 bail
|
|
|
|
- 16 June 1985 West Covina California AP -
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
From "Off the Wire":
|
|
|
|
Eighty people were hospitalized with food poisoning after a wedding
|
|
banquet at a Wuzhou, China, restaurant called Hygiene
|
|
|
|
- 06 June 1987 -
|
|
|
|
International Falls, Minn, dubbed the "icebox of the nation," is
|
|
spending $18,000 to build a 22-foot thermometer
|
|
|
|
- 06 June 1987 -
|
|
|
|
Joe Bell, treasurer of San Bernadino County, California, died of a
|
|
heart attack minutes after leaving an exercise class designed to reduce
|
|
stress among county executives
|
|
|
|
- 06 June 1987 -
|
|
|
|
When a voter send Michigan state Senator John Kelly a critical
|
|
letter, Kelly wrote back, "Suck eggs, you 'fed up citizen'"
|
|
|
|
- 06 June 1987 -
|
|
|
|
[ed: can you imagine a state senator getting so riled? :)]
|
|
|
|
============================================================================
|
|
|
|
And, last but not least, a few words of wisdom. It's true that
|
|
mankind does not live by bread alone, and we've pretty much proved that
|
|
axiom with these unusual masterpieces. To quote someone much smarter than
|
|
myself (hi, kalen!): "I am non-denominational --- I accept all forms of
|
|
currency. So, open your hearts and empty your pockets!"
|
|
|
|
A wonderful sentiment, don't you think?
|
|
|
|
If you should find it in your hearts to like what we are doing here,
|
|
and would like to help us stay in business AND solvent, please send your
|
|
non-tax-deductible donations in whatever amount pleases you to:
|
|
|
|
caren park
|
|
2557 Fourteenth Avenue West
|
|
Suite 501
|
|
Seattle, Washington 98119
|
|
|
|
(01 January 1992)
|
|
|
|
We will acknowledge, in print, those with the warmest thoughts for
|
|
our survival...
|
|
|
|
We leave you now with a few thoughts...
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Bosses are like dirty diapers: Full of shit and all over your ass
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in
|
|
filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run
|
|
over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the
|
|
heart run over
|
|
|
|
- Boswell -
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
The mind has a thousand eyes,
|
|
And the heart but one;
|
|
Yet the light of a whole life dies,
|
|
When love is done
|
|
|
|
- Bourdillon -
|
|
|
|
|
|
...until next month...
|