131 lines
6.8 KiB
Plaintext
131 lines
6.8 KiB
Plaintext
s$
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$$ .d""b. .d""b. HOE E'ZINE #1094
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[-- $$""b. $$ $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
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$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ss$$ "Going To Hell In An Easter Basket"
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$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ by Justin Parisi
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$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ 06/14/00
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[-- $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
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$$ $$ "TssT" "TssT"
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It was a Thursday when I realized that most of us are going to Hell.
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I was at Wal-Mart, shopping for candy to make Easter baskets for my
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family when right in between the chocolate covered peanut butter eggs and
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jelly beans, an ominous beacon of false prophecy appeared.
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Well, it didn't exactly APPEAR, but its presence was nonetheless
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very real. It was enough to garner a gasp as if it had simply appeared out
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of nowhere. There on the shelf resting in a shiny silver plastic package
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was an object of edible, idyllic blasphemy -- a chocolate cross. Never in
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my wildest dreams would I ever expect to see the symbol of all that is
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holy (at least in the Christian sense of the word) molded from cocoa,
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xanthan gum and sugar.
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Now, I may be old-fashioned, but doesn't that seem just a tad bit
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wrong? We've all seen plastic crosses, even a ceramic Jesus or two and
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rainbow colored rosaries, but isn't a confectionery crucifix taking it a
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bit far? What's next? Jesus wearing a Santa hat? The Easter bunny being
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crucified?
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And whatever happened to the so-called wholesome family values that
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Wal-Mart represents? Is it more right to sell CD's without the "cuss words"
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than it is to merchandise sacrilege? I bet ol' Sam Walton is rolling over
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in his grave.
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Wal-Mart has probably managed to offend both Christians and
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non-Christians alike. Christians would be appalled for obvious reasons,
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while non-Christians could claim that Wal-Mart is ruining the "spirit" of
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the holiday by reminding everyone that Easter isn't all about chocolate
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bunnies. Worse yet, Wal-Mart was able to offend me, someone who cannot be
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offended. That alone screams for a nationwide recall of these tasty
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trinkets of the trinity.
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The sad part about the whole thing is that there is an inherent
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element of truth. It reminds me of the Simpsons' Easter special, where the
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opening shot featured a church with the message board outside saying,
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"Christ dyed his eggs for your sins." Easter, it seems, as well as other
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holidays, has become a veritable laughingstock.
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Holidays are no longer the "Holy Days" they were intended to be.
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Sure, people still go to church and a few of them even know what the
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holidays are all about. But as soon as the church bells toll, it's off to
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the races-of to unwrap presents or munch on their chocolate crosses.
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For proof of this notion, just pay attention to of people's actions
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next Christmas. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ, a time
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where Christians rejoice and sing His praises.
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Well, at least it looked good on paper. Instead, the season to be
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holy is the season to be jolly. I guess that meaning got lost somewhere in
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the translation.
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Instead of practicing brotherly love at Christmas, people, sometimes
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literally, kill each other to finish their shopping. They are worshipping
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false idols in the forms of Christmas trees and gifts wrapped in shiny
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paper. Little plastic angels are stuck on top of the trees because they're
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"pretty" not because they bring news of the birth of Christ, our Savior.
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At Easter, baskets and bunnies replace the trees and presents as items of
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worship. Candy is eaten in place of communion.
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The scene reminds me of the movie "The Ten Commandments," when Moses
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goes to the Mount to speak to God. He is gone for a while and his people
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get restless and begin to doubt the faith. So they start to party and
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build a golden calf to worship.
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They indulge their primitive desires and when Moses returns, he is
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pissed. If Moses lived today, particularly during the months of December
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and April, he'd probably quit his job and retire.
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Now, I'm not preaching here, because I'd be the first to point out
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the fallacies of the Christian religion. What I am saying, is that holidays
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need reform because the whole plight of the system stinks to high Heaven.
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It's almost as if non-Christians felt left out of the whole holiday circle
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and decided to make their own celebrations. The Christians, with their
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weakness to temptation exposed, decided that, "Hey! That looks like more
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fun than our crummy celebrations!" And the notion stuck.
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Even the minor holidays are being corrupted. Valentine's Day and
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St. Patrick's Day, were once celebrations of the saints for whom they are
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named, are now cluttered by cupids and leprechauns.
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Look at Halloween, one of the few uncorrupted holidays. Uncorrupted,
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that is, because the meaning and celebrations have not changed for
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centuries. Halloween is a pagan holiday in which people dress as ghosts
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and demons so that the real ghosts and demons will be fooled into not
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dragging them off to Hell. The candy involved is probably the only element
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that is a bit off, since I don't think that Hershey bars existed in the
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16th century.
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However, the candy is key. Candy is a common bond for all holidays
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and Christians should be alarmed that a pagan holiday like Halloween is
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using a tactic similar to Christian holidays like Christmas and Easter.
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In fact, I once met a family that was.
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I was trick-or-treating a while back, when I was about 13 and I came
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to a house and knocked on the door. Two kids answered and I said "trick or
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treat!" The kids looked at me and said, "We're sorry, but we don't believe
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in Halloween."
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Yes, I was miffed then, but looking back, perhaps that was the best
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holiday experience I ever had: two children were keeping within their
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beliefs by not caving in to the societal pull of popular holidays.
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So should we eliminate holidays? Of course not. They're positive
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things when their meanings are kept intact. It's nice to get a day of
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independence on July 4th, or spend time with family on Labor Day, or to
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take time out to remember fallen soldiers. But the holidays should be
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observed for what they essentially are-days with meaning.
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For those without days of meaning, let's make a new holiday, where
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costumes, candy and chocolate bunnies are the focus. Call it
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"Confectioner's Fun Day" and have it three times a year. You could hold it
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on Pleasure Island and celebrate it with Disney and Pinocchio.
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Just stop making chocolate crosses. Otherwise, you'd better ask to
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be buried in Bermuda shorts because it's gonna be hot where you're going.
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[-------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) HOE E'ZINE -- http://www.hoe.nu #1094, BY JUSTIN PARISI - 6/14/00 ]
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