101 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
101 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "Open Letter To Gotahoe.com!" ggg
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$$$ by -> Clyde $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #991 -- 12/25/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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hello!
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i'm so nervous! i've never written a letter to a web site before!
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let me introduce myself! i am a literate, internet-using
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individual living and working in the san francisco bay area! this is
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significant, so please remember this fact!
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recently, while taking the commuter "bart" train to work, i have
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noticed some new billboards on these train cars! the advertisement
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billboards are white-on-blue, and seem to exist for the purpose of
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advertising a web site "www.gotahoe.com"!
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let me point out at this time that your "dot com" strategy has
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failed!
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due to the nature of my perhaps perverse personality, i look at a
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web site address like "www.gotahoe.com" and can't help thinking that it
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means, "got a hoe?"!
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but when i go to your web site, i see nothing at all about
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prostitution!
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and truly there are many--possibly a number in the hundreds or
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thousands-- who are exposed to this advertising on a regular basis who
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think just like i do!
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haven't you done any research! didn't you gather the panel of
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average bay area residents in a room, stood behind a fake mirror, and
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watched the reaction as the advertisement is introduced!
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apparently not, my friends!
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so, let me introduce you marketing geniuses to your new friend,
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the hyphen!
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many e-commerce businesses these days have already discovered the
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hyphen as a powerful and effective way to properly align words within an
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"internet domain name"! unfortunately, you are not one of them! so
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watch as i carefully hyphenate your web site address, automagically
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removing all doubt as to its meaning!
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www.gotahoe.com -> www.go-tahoe.com!
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now! you may be asking yourselves, "what should we do, now that
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we have two registered domain names?"! let me tell you! first, while
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your e-customers migrate to the new hyphenated domain name, redirect all
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traffic from gotahoe.com to go-tahoe.com! then, once people get the idea
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and will never--i mean never, ever, ever!--type the website address
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"www.gotahoe.com" in again for the purpose of weekend getaway vacations
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(now take note! you will need to do some heavy coordination with your
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marketing department! if you are the marketing department, then you are
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or should be in deep shit!) then you can open a new line of business!
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this new line of business will be a complete, e-commerce solution
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for purchasing the services of a prostitute, all online!
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first, take pictures of your prostitutes! this should not be
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hard, as you already seem able to take pictures of a lake! then, set up
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shopping cart software! allow people to click on pictures, and add these
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ho's to their shopping cart! i would suggest implementing one-click
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checkout! if you can't figure out why, you shouldn't be in the sex
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industry!
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now, i have a copyright on this idea, but i don't have the
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high-quality, eye-catching domain name for such a web site, like you
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happen to have! call me and maybe we can work something out!
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anyway!
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let's get back to talking about lake tahoe, shall we! upon
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reviewing the content of your fine, ultra-fast web site, i did find
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exactly one example of proper hyphenation! for example, on the web page
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located at http://www.gotahoe.com/winter/winterfs.html i have found a
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listing for the phone number 1-800-GO-TAHOE! here is a case where you
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have truly succeeded in cyberspace with punctuation! throw yourselves a
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party!
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see, you can do it if you try!
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by the way, i hate snow!
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love, clyde
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #991, BY CLYDE - 12/25/99 ]
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