98 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
98 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "Bah" ggg
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$$$ by -> Meeyoww $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #981 -- 12/23/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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I wanted this "holiday season" to be different. You know, Martha
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Stewart-esque, complete with the scents of mulled spiced cider and pine
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wafting through the house, perfectly wrapped presents cascading over
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each other under an exquisitely decorated tree. I was actually considering
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having the gas fireplace turned on, even though the average temperature
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here in balmy North Carolina has been in the mid fifties, just to add
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that "special something" to the holiday atmosphere. I had planned an
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elaborate holiday gathering, complete with a twenty-item buffet prepared
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from scratch, time for tree trimming, and even some spiked eggnog to send
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our guests out the door with a warm, fuzzy feeling in hopes of creating
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some "holiday cheer" of their own. I had even started writing out
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Christmas cards around Thanksgiving, just to get them in the mail and on
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their way before the holiday rush. I was so set. Martha herself
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would've been proud.
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And it all came to a screeching, crashing halt.
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Sometimes, it's beneficial to be the slacker. One should learn to
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say "no" emphatically, resolutely and repeatedly, if necessary, when
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asked to run errands beyond the scope of one's routine duties as an
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employee.
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I, of course, being the "nice" person, did none of the above, and
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complied with a co-worker's request that I run to the post office and
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have an abandonment letter certified. -More on this momentarily.-
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So here I am, visions of sugar-plums dancing in my head, driving to
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the post office, when my sugar-plums are abruptly cut off by a mini-van
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running a stop sign and in my direct path!#@ "Hooooonk". Break! Turn!
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Break!
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crash.
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Am I alive? Check yes. Is anything broken? Check no. Is my car
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okay? Check no.
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Now...had our office not been acting in the spirit of the
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holidays, and not taken in a *parvo-positive pit bull puppy from a
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derelict who could only offer a meager deposit on the dog, barely fill
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out a standard admissions form or afford the care of a puppy in the first
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place, I wouldn't have been on my way to get the collections letter
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certified for his charge-off ass.
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grrrrrr#@%!. breathe. ok.
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So anyway, I have accomplished nothing this holiday season. I
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canceled my get-together, decorated the damn tree myself, sent out 10%
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of my holiday cards, felt like a total loser for not purchasing presents
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for anyone, and then felt worse because of the realization that the
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marketing media OWNED me this holiday season. So instead of stringing
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garland and baking sugary sugar cookies, I've spent my 12 days of
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Christmas fighting insurance companies, visiting various doctors to find
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out what happened to my back in the accident, fighting off drug-induced
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deliriousness, sleepiness and overall bitchiness due in part to the
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doctor's non-pro-active stance on treating injuries like mine. And I've
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spent an inordinate amount of time on irc, simultaneously reading up on
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back issues of HOE and inserting random url's into my browser window just
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to see if they exist. I've been pissy, I've been randomly lame. It's
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been oodles of fun.
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At least I get a check to replace my car before school starts.
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Yay.
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The morals of the story, gingermen and women, are these:
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1) Expect very little and you'll be happy when your expectations
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are exceeded.
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2) Don't render services for people who have no intention of
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paying for them.
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3) Doctor-prescribed narcotics tend to exacerbate moods and
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attitudes.
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4) Don't try to be like Martha. It's not possible. She is, after
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all, Satan.
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I don't take the "end of the world/y2k armageddon" ideas
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seriously. However, if there *is* an apocalyptic event in the next
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couple of days, all of this might not seem like such a huge deal. And
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we'll all get to meet Martha, in person. I'm sure that hell is
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color-coordinated, complete with matching pillow shams, coming soon to a
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K-Mart near you.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #981, BY MEEYOWW - 12/23/99 ]
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